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Please Proof Me!

by Hazardus_Havard

Chapter 1: Please Proof Me!


You’ve been living in Equestria for nearly a year now. It’s not a bad place compared to where you used to live back home. You live in a pretty cool pad, provided for you by the ruler of this place who, big surprise, is a pony as well, only in giant mode. Many of these ponies were very open to you, always helpful, and were very cheery just to be around. There were, of course, ponies that you were closer to. And you were currently looking for a specific one right now.

“Hey Redheart, have you seen-”

“No, I haven’t seen her around here either,” Redheart says, cutting you off. Dang it, that’s the eighteenth pony you’ve asked today.

She asked for some help today, but you just couldn’t find her. Walking back to your place, you notice Fluttershy hanging out in some bushes, her pink mane stuck out from the foliage she was in. Ah crap, you were tired of this so darn much. Ever since you arrived here in Equestria, she's hounded you everyday. What would it be this time? Would she try and ask what your fetish was? Or would she jump you for a surprise hug, while attempting to drag you back to her home? You walk past Fluttershy, trying to forget that she existed.

The little bush she was in followed you down the road, stopping its rustling whenever you stopped your walking. Did she really think you wouldn’t notice? You were just about to call her out on this when you happened to notice you could see your home. That wasn’t important, what is important is that the pony you were looking for all day is standing in front of it.

Upon noticing you, she takes a jump into the air and flares out her wings, gliding over to you holding a bag. Forgetting the bush, you make way for your multi-colored friend as she drops down in front of you.

“Hey bro, I’ve been looking all over for you! You should’ve just told me you’d meet me at my house!”

Dash stares at you, blinking owlishly at your words. “I could’ve sworn I told you we’d meet you at your home yesterday,” she says, looking fairly embarrassed at her forgetfulness. “Sorry 'bout that.”

“Nah, it’s fine. I’ve only been gone for a few hours. So, what exactly did you need help with?”

She shuffles her hooves into the ground, trying to find the words to answer your question.

“Well, do you remember a while back you said certain things about your life where you used to live?”

“Yeah,” you answer, “what about it?”

“There was a certain hobby you did back home. It got me thinking, and before I knew it I wanted to try it out!”

There weren’t a whole lot of hobbies you mentioned back home that could be done here; just what was she talking about?

“But I’m not sure if what I have is any good, so I wanted to know...” She stopped talking, diving into the bag of hers.

She pulls out a stack of papers with both hooves, shoving them in your general direction.

“Ifyoucouldpleaseproofreadmyfanfic!” she screams out in a rush, her face tinted red from asking you.

Reaching out, you grab the small stack of papers she was shoving at you. Flipping through the pages, you see it’s all written neatly from a typewriter.

“Wait, so, you wrote a fanfic about Daring Do?”

She nods her head, still embarrassed to admit it. You'd also be embarrassed to admit to anyone back home that you wrote fan-fiction. It was a small hobby you did when you were in school. It helped sharpen your writing skills, but it was still embarrassing to even mention to anyone. It was strange seeing Rainbow doing anything like this, but you weren’t going to turn her away. She wanted help, and you help your bros.

“Sure, I think I can help you proof this-” A rustling sound coming from behind reminds you that Fluttershy was still there. “Let’s take this in my house.”

She smiles at this, zipping straight to your door and walking in. Huh, must’ve forgotten to lock it, you thought. Ponies didn’t have locks, but you needed to keep Fluttershy away. Walking in, you see she’s already sitting at your desk, waiting for you to sit down. She’s dragged a seat over from your table leaving you with the desk seat.

“So,” you say, taking a seat in your chair, “what’s this fanfic about?”

Rainbow has a face fifty shades redder than usual, looking at the stack of papers in your hand.

“It's a story I wrote about Daring Do,” she answers, quite embarrassed. “I wanted to know if you could help me proof it, tell me if it’s alright.”

“Sure, totally. Just scoot on over and we can look at the paper together."

Hesitantly, she moves alongside the desk you were sitting at, nudging her chair over to you, until she was nearly touching you. Taking the pages out, you see it has a crudely drawn picture of a pegasus and a human on the cover.

“Interesting, putting up some cover art,” you say, looking at the two. They were holding hand and hoof with one another, smiling together. “They look like a match made for one another.”

“Yeah... it does, doesn't it?" she says in a quiet manner.

So it’s a romance fic, interesting. It may have been a good while since you’ve written anything, but you should be able to manage proofing this. Turning to the first page, you see a mess of scribbled words down the page. Rainbow has her jaw clenched, waiting for you to get this over with. Better not make her wait long, you think as you read her story.

X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X

Daring Do Admits Her Feelings

“yo daring!” he scream out looking for you’re coolest friend ever.

She comes running up across a very very long field, there was a lot of grass in it.

“I had been looking all ofer for you bro! where you been!” he says to daring who is now standing in front of you smiling.

“Sorry I was looking for you as well An Nameless . I really wanted to be with you!”

“oh thatis totally cool, lets hang!”

Nameless drops on his back spreading his wide, muscular arms out on the grass he was lying on right now.

Daring Do jumps up and lands on his chest, lying tthere with a smile on her face ad Nameless.”

“So you want to talk to me right? Said that yesterday.” Nameless says, moving his arms around y Daring Do tightly.

She felt very warm and happy like this

“I wanted to ask you a question but I don’t want it to hurt what we have.”

“No worries I would never leave you bro! So what di you want to ask?”

“It’s about the bro thing……….”

“Is thier something wrong?” he asks conserned about you like he always is

“I dont like being a bro for you, I wanted to be something more.”

Nameless looks up at you, confysed at words you say.

“So what like a super bro? a major bro? A really cool bro?”

you stop his talking by planting a kiss on his lips real quick.

holding him there for an eternity you move away from his surprised face.

“How long did you feel like this Daring?”

“For a a very long time, I just didnt’ know what to say.”

Daring looks away not sure she can look at Nameless if he rejects her.

“I get it if you are not wanting to be with me, but….”

He stops you by gabbing your body close to his, hulgging you against his large chest.

he gives you large smile at yuou before kissing you. Your heart was beating so fast from this!

Youve never been so happy in your life.

X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X

Reading this story of hers was very difficult. Page after page of grammatical mistakes, spelling errors, and the plot! After admitting her feelings, Daring Do and Nameless just go off and live happily with one another. Just how is that good story telling? There’s no conflict, no twists and turns to make it interesting! The worst part was how everyone read like a Mary Sue! There were no words to explain that... sex scene... if you could even call it that.

The entire time, she kept staring at either you or the papers, waiting for what you had to say. Closing the crudely made story, you let out a sigh, glad that was over with. Looking at her, you see she’s waiting for what you had to say.

“S-s-so?” she asks, barely managing to do so. Dash takes a gulp of air, her nervousness making her shake in the chair. “I-is it... possible? I mean, any good?”

Just how do you go about telling her this? You knew she was made of some strong stuff, but she’s never really been judged like this. Better be straight with her, best not to beat around the bush about her story.

“Rainbow,” you say, seeing her flinch at that.

You’ve never really called her straight by her name like this, not unless it was important.

“I’m not sure how to say this, but your story here,” you shake the papers in your hand, “this just doesn’t work.”

She looks like she’s about to cry, barely holding back her tears from her watered up eyes.

“You m-m-mean it can’t work b-between,” she hiccups, her words dying off quickly.

Man, you hated seeing Dash like this. She must be really upset about this story.

“Well I can still help you. Your story needs a lot of work, but I’m sure you can write something much better!”

“…My story? S-so you’re not saying we can’t... um…”

“What did you think I meant?” you ask, clearly confused.

She shakes her head, wiping away some tears from her eyes before looking back at you.

“Anyways, your story right now needs a lot of work. For one, and it’s the biggest problem, your main characters are Mary Sues. Ultimately, that means you have characters that are too perfect. Real life doesn’t work like that, characters have problems and flaws, and a story isn’t any good unless you can exploit that. I mean, can you imagine if this Nameless was real?”

“It’s not stupid! He’s… he’s perfect! I even based him off someone I know…”

You let out a sigh, trying to let her calm down. “I’m not saying the character's stupid. It’s the fact that he’s too perfect. Every single being has flaws, you need to find those flaws and make them a part of the character. Soon enough, you’ll find that you have a character that’s full of life that feels so much more real to read. It’ll make it more believable that Nameless falls in love with Daring Do as well, don’t you think?”

She blinks at you, squirming in her chair with you staring back.

“I… I think I understand that.”

You smile at her and after a moment a matching smile grows on her face. Grabbing the papers, you place it in front of her. You grab some fresh paper as well, placing it beside her pages.

“Now, until you can learn how to better write your story I can’t help you too much with everything else. But, I can point some things out. First, you need to check on your punctuation. Periods are important and so are commas. They help structure your sentences. Second, your grammar and spelling needs work. Here’s an example.”

~

he gives you large smile at yuou before kissing you. Your heart was beating so fast from this!

~

“This sentence could use more work on it. You forgot to capitalize he, misspelled you, and it just reads in a way that, well... it makes it difficult to do so. You also kept slipping from third to second person by mistake, placing you in there like that. Try to keep it in third person. Don’t forget, your adjectives help with adding spice to a story. Here, maybe try something like this.”

~

Holding Daring tightly, he leans slowly into her with a smile. Her heart was beating quickly from the closeness the two shared right now.

Wrapping her arms around his neck, she meets him the rest of the way in a kiss.

~

“There, see how much better this reads?” you ask, looking over at her.

You see her face was red, accompanied with teary eyes and a small smile, looking down at your correction paper.

“Yeah, that does read a lot better…”

Thank goodness, at least she’s not going off on you for trying to help her out. Back home, you recalled doing this stuff for others, and all they did was freak out from any help you gave them. Stacking the papers with your correction one on top, you give them back to her.

“Well, now that you see what needs fixing, I’m certain you can make a good story if you try hard enough.”

“Right. And once I fix this, would you be okay with reading it again?”

“Sure, I’m cool with that. Just bring it by when you finish up.”

She nods at you before jumping off the chair. Just as she’s about to leave, you call out to her.

“Hey! I wanted to know, did you want to hang out tomorrow?”

She looks at you, then at the papers she held in her hoofs. “Sorry, I really want to make this work out. You know, to make a better story for u-”

“For Daring Do and Nameless.”

You shrug at her slip, not taking any notice of what she nearly said.

“Okay, bro. Guess I’ll see you around.”

She puts the papers in her bag before closing the door. Looking out the window, you could see her flying off straight to her home. Guess she wanted to get started on her story, you thought. With nothing else to do, you walk over to your couch and plop right on it, getting ready for an early nap.

“Hope her story works out.”



~End~

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