*blip*

Wait, am I unconscious?

*blip*

I am, aren’t I? Wait, was I out of it this whole time? Did the zombies never happen, and I was in a coma or something? Because that would suuuck. I’m pretty sure it’d be a bit late for me to adjust back to normal life at this point. I’d go only like a day before getting arrested for illegal possession of firearms and such.

*blip*

Oh, wait, I remember now. Tiny horses. Magic, or some shit. Me getting shot in the leg because it turns out that shotgun can be a piece of crap sometimes.

This better not become my average Tuesday.

*blip*

Okay, seriously, that noise is getting on my nerves now. The first thing I'm gonna do when I get up is find that heart monitor and either turn it off or simply smash it.

But first, I have to wake up.

*blip*

So, my left leg was the one that was hit, so it should still be rather sore, assuming those horses knew how to remove bullets from a person's flesh. Of course, given that they have magic, that's rather likely.

Oh god, they didn't turn me into a horse, so they could better operate on me, did they? They better not have.

*blip*

Alright, I'm starting to get some feeling back. I can confirm that I still have my fingers, so there's that. My leg is no longer in a lot of pain, which is also a plus.

*blip*

Opening my eyes, I see that I am, as I thought, in a hospital. The beeping was a heart monitor, but it also had another line under the heartbeat one, that was flat-lining. Considering that the machine wasn't beeping up a storm, I guess it isn't that important. By now, I could pick myself off of the bed I was on, to better look around the room. There were bandages around my leg, a few errant spots of blood the only signs of the buckshot that entered my leg.

Speaking of buckshot, the offending pellets were laying in a tray next to the bed, coated in dry blood. And while my leg was no longer inflamed with nerve-racking pain, it still ached to move it. It was easy to push past, though, and I got into a sitting position. It was about this time that I also noticed that, despite being the hospital, I was still fully clothed, save for my pants leg, which was torn off either by the shotgun or the horses so they could operate. Convenient.

Getting up, I forgot about the heart monitor, and once the sensor thingy fell off my chest, it started blaring that cliche long tone heard in all kinds of medical dramas. Almost immediately, a pair of horses outfitted in nurse outfits stormed in, one of which was holding a syringe full of something in its mouth. Upon seeing me not dying silently, but sitting up, both of their jaws dropped, the syringe dropping to the ground. We all sat there, staring at each other, the only sound being the still-blaring monitor, until I made the first move and pressed the off button on said monitor. That seemed to spur the horses out of their silence.

"What are you doing up?" the white one asked.

"Oh, you know, just wanted to stretch my legs. How long was I out?"

"Uh..." The other one began stammering, obviously the less-in-charge one of the two. "Twilight brought you in yesterday..."

"I was out for a day? Huh, didn't think a shotgun shell to the leg would put me out for that long. Anyway, where is that 'Twilight'? I need to have a few words with her."

The white one answered this time. "She lives in the library. Why-"

"Which one's the library?"

"...the tree building near the center of town. But you still haven't told me-"

"Alrighty then, see ya later." Making sure my holster and revolver were still on me, I strode out the door, limping slightly. The ponies were seemingly frozen in place with shock, because they didn't do anything to stop me. Luckily, I had a room pretty close to the front door, so I didn't need to stumble around the halls looking for an exit.

Walking into the noontime sun, I quickly saw the tree with windows on it and started walking towards it. Ponies reacted to the bipedal limping creature with bandages on his legs about as well as you'd expect. That is, they stopped whatever they were doing and looked at me curiously. Still, not my problem.

Limping up to the door to what was apparently the library, I knocked. After a moment, the door was answered by that same purple unicorn who got me into this mess. Upon seeing me standing there, her face grew an expression of shock.

"Twilight, is it? We need to talk."

Without even waiting for an answer, I walked in. My shotgun was placed on a table inside, surrounded by various papers and tools; perhaps she was about to inspect it? No matter. I picked it up, pumping it once to eject the shell that put me out of commission for a day. Slinging it over my back, I turned back to the still-gawking Twilight.

"Okay, first thing's first: This is that 'Equestria' you mentioned?"

Silently, she nodded her head.

"Well, that's all I had for questions. Your turn."

She shook her head in disbelief. "Wait, that's it? You were pulled from your home by something that you had apparently never seen before, and you don't even have any other questions?"

"Nooope."

"...well then. I guess I could start somewhere simple..." She started thinking to herself, while I began loading and unloading my revolver to pass the time.

"So... could you tell me... the basic history of your world?"

"I could, but I'm sure you're a bit more interested in how exactly that whole zombie business got started."

"I... Well.......Yes."

"Well, I already told you all I could." One, two, three, four, five- that's three seconds I got my reload time down to. Nice. "There was this new product made from some kind of flower some scientists found, and next thing you know, zombies."

"Wait... flower? What kind of flower?"

"Oh, I-unno. I think it was blue, or something?"

When Twilight didn't answer, I looked up to see her looking through some books. I also saw a few in a trash bin that had holes in them, probably thanks to my shotgun acting up. Soon, she came back levitating a book in front of me, opening it to a page containing a picture of a strange blue flower.

"Was it this flower?"

I remembered seeing a flower like that on the internet attached to a report on that relaxation thing. So there was no doubt as to what this was. "Oh yeah, that's it. That caused the zombies."

All at once, Twilight's face dropped like a rock. She seemed to be in disbelief combined with guilt. "I... Then those Poison Joke I teleported..."

"Oh, you did that? You caused the dead to rise and the death of countless millions?"

At my words, her face went pale. "I... I did that...?"

"Yep. Way to go."

"I... I killed... all those..."

"Uh-huh. You're a regular horse of the apocalypse." I chuckled at my own joke while Twilight continued to have a crisis.

"But... I didn't mean..."

"Doubt you did. Still, you did it."

Her eyes were tearing up now. As much as I couldn't care less who caused the end of my world, I still couldn't stand to see a woman cry, even if they were a unicorn. "Oh, don't cry. It's not like you meant to do it."

"N- No, I guess not..." She sniffed. I think I suddenly have diabetes. "But... aren't you mad?"

"Not really. Truth be told, the end of the world was the best thing that has ever happened to me. And look at it this way; even if this hadn't happened, humanity probably would've found some other way to die out, be it by something from space or ourselves."

"I- If you say so..."

"Well, with that out of the way, what now?"

After thinking to herself for a bit, Twilight seemed to get an idea. "Oh, I know! You could write a letter to the princess!"

"...and why would I do that?"

"Because you're a creature from a different dimension! Surely that would be worthy of writing the princess."

"Oh, fine." I holstered my revolver and cracked my knuckles. "Where do I start?"

"I'll get Spike and a parchment and a quill!"

After meeting 'Spike' for the second time (who was also a baby dragon, I was told), Twilight had brought me a piece of paper and a quill. Yeah, they had fairly modern medical equipment, yet no pens. Freaking parallel universes.

About thirty minutes later, I had a finished letter rolled up into a scroll and gave it to Spike, who breathed fire on it and sent it to the Princess, according to Twilight. Whatever, I don't even give a damn anymore.

"Say, Hank, what did you write?"

"Oh, stuff. Though truth be told, I kinda got bored partway through."

"Well that's ni- Wait, what?! What do you mean, 'got bored'?!"

Meanwhile, in Canterlot, Celestia was enjoying a moment of relaxation. It was interrupted, however, by a letter from her student appearing before her. Curious, she began reading, noticing quickly that this wasn't Twilight's writing.

Dear Princess Celestia,

Hello there. I'm a human who Twilight "accidentally" brought back with her from one of her apparently many magic experiments or something. I am told that I need to write a letter to you, so here this is. Also, my name is Hank. That probably deserves mentioning. Anyway, I'm also told that I need to tell you about what I've gone through. Basically, my world was ending, and I was riding the wave that was the apocalypse. Specifically, the zombie apocalypse. Before you get all worried though, no, I'm not mad at your student for causing it. If anything, I'm kind of glad. After all, before I ran into her, I was driving down a highway in my own car running over zombies and picking up whatever guns I found. But then I got in one little fight, and my mom got scared, and said "You're moving with your auntie and uncle in Bel-Air." I whistled for a cab and when it came near, The license plate said "fresh" and it had dice in the mirror. If anything I can say this cab was rare, and I thought 'Nah, forget it' "Yo home, to Bel-Air!"

I pulled up to a house about 7 or 8 and I yelled to the cabbie "Yo holmes, smell ya later!" I looked at my kingdom, I was finally there, to sit on my throne as the prince of Bel-Air.

-Hank