Sketch 1: There's an Applejack for That!

Applebloom is looking out over Sweet Apple Acres. All the trees are chock-full of apples. She gasps in horror at what is sure to be the most strenuous apple harvest ever.

Applebloom: Now how in the world ahm I supposed ta get all this done by the end a’ the season?

Suddenly, Pinkie and Lyra pop up next to her out of nowhere and chime out together

Pinkie and Lyra: There's an Applejack for that!

A helpless mare is trying to wave down a taxi in Manehatten. It is raining heavily and she has an umbrella with a hole in it, so she is soaking wet.

Helpless Mare: How will I ever get one of these taxis to stop for me?

Suddenly, Pinkie and Lyra magically pop up next to her.

Pinkie and Lyra: There's an Applejack for that!

Twilight Sparkle is trying to find a book in her tree library.

Twilight: How am I ever going to find this book

Spike waves the book in question around from atop a ladder that is leaning on a wall of books.

Spike: I found-

Suddenly, Pinkie and Lyra pop up, once more, knocking Spike off the ladder.

Pinkie and Lyra: There's an Applejack for that!

Suddenly, a pony outside of Twilight’s house points up towards the sky at an approaching fireball.

Pony: Oh my Celestia, an asteroid is heading straight towards us!

Pinkie and Lyra: There's an Applejack for that!

Pinkie and Lyra are now sitting in Sugarcube Corner, sharing a box of well-earned donuts.

Pinkie: Well that was fun, don't you think, Lyra?

Lyra nods.

Lyra: Yeah, there's practically an Applejack for everything!

Suddenly, Applejack storms into Sugarcube Corner and stop in front of Pinkie and Lyra. She huffs in anger.

Applejack: Have y'all been tellin' everypony that I'm some sort of all purpose fix everythin' pony?

Lyra looks around guiltily.

Lyra: What? We've done no such thing!

Pinkie shoots her a warning look.

Pinkie: Don't give her an inch, Lyra!

Applejack is not amused, nor is she afraid to show this.

Applejack: Now y'all better tell me what's goin' on or I'm goin' ta get really mad.

Lyra gives her an extremely guilty look and blurts out.

Lyra: It's not our fault there's an Applejack for almost everything!

Applejack: How 'bout an Applejack for gettin' y'all to stop tellin' everypony that there's an Applejack for that?

There is silence for a moment.

Pinkie: Sorry, there isn't an Applejack for that!

Sketch 2: All Quiet on the Western Shelf

Pinkie and Lyra knock on Twilight’s door. After a moment, she opens the door.

Twilight: Oh, hi girls! Are you here for those books you told me about earlier?

Pinkie and Lyra nod in unison.

Twilight: Okay, they're in the back room, but try to be quiet, because there are other ponies studying in there.

She glares at Pinkie Pie warily.

Twilight: That means you, Pinkie!

Pinkie: No problemo, Twilight!

Pinkie and Lyra trot to the back room and look around. Tank the Tortoise is sitting in a bench reading a book called Being a Fantastic Pet. Pinkie accidentally steps on a pencil. It breaks. Suddenly, Twilight pokes her head into the room.

Twilight: Shhh!

Pinkie nods. She and Lyra head over to the bookshelf where their book awaits. As they approach the book, Lyra shivers.

Lyra: Is it just me, or does this shelf feel slightly creepier than the rest of the library?

Pinkie nods in agreement.

Pinkie: I know. I was over there and I was like 'Ooooh, this feels like a library!', but then when I came over here I was like 'Ooooooohhhhh, this feels all weird!'

Lyra reaches out to grab the book, but suddenly, the book starts glowing and a bright yellow aura surrounds it. Lyra withdraws her hoof quickly.

Lyra: Do you see that?

Pinkie: It's glowing like a candle! I wonder if our book is a birthday cake!

Suddenly, Twilight pokes her head into the room.

Twilight: Shhhhh!

Pinkie and Lyra nod and Twilight leaves them to their business. They turn back towards the mystical book.

Pinkie: What do you think it wants?

Lyra: Maybe it wants to suck our blood or steal our souls or something like that.

Pinkie: That's a scary thought!

Lyra: I know, but we really need this book, so we’re going to have to face our fears.

Pinkie: Well I'm not touching it, no thanker tail yanker!

Suddenly, the book floats off the shelf and begins speaking to them.

Magical Book: Pinkie Pie and Lyra I-Don't-Know-Your-Last-Name, I have an important, life-altering message for you!

Lyra: How did you know my last name?

Magical Book: Because I'm a Magical Book of Magic and Stuff and Things!

Pinkie gasps.

Pinkie: Is that like the Magical Cupcake of Magic and Stuff and Things that I met the other day.

Magical Book: The exact same. I have multiple incarnations, kind of like The Doctor.

Lyra: Dr. Hippobreath?

The magical book flips its pages impatiently. It's way of shaking its head.

Magical Book: No, not Dr. Hippobreath. Nevermind. The point is that you are the Chosen Ponies!

Pinkie jumps up and down in excitement.

Pinkie: (shouting excitedly) You mean like chosen to eat cake!

Twilight stomps into the room and addresses the two ponies.

Twilight: I've had it up to my mane with you two! Out!

She points in the general direction of the aforementioned out. Pinkie and Lyra bow their heads and sulk out of the library. Twilight turns her wrath to the magical book.

Twilight: Magic Mike! Have you been telling ponies that they're the Chosen Ponies again?

The magical book bows in guilt.

Magical Book: Maybe...

Twilight: You should be ashamed of yourself, silly book! Go back to your shelf and stop causing trouble!

The magical book floats back onto its shelf and the bright aura around it fades. Tank giggles slowly. Twilight rears on him.

Twilight: What do you think your laughing at, little turtle?

Magical Book: Tortoise!

Twilight snaps at the book.

Twilight: Quiet you, you're still on probation!

Sketch 3: Cutie Mark Crusaders in: Breaking Badminton!

The Cutie Mark Crusaders are playing badminton. Scootaloo makes a goal.

Scootaloo: Do I have my cutie mark yet?

She examines her flank, but it is still bare.

Scootaloo: Aww...

Sketch 4: Hay! The Porno!

Two bales of hay are sitting in Applejack's barn. One of the bales of hay has blue binding and the other has pink binding. The Boy Bale hops over to the Girl Bale.

Boy Bale of Hay: Hey, baby.

The Girl Bale shifts sensually.

Girl Bale of Hay: Hi.

Boy Bale of Hay: Hay, I’ve lost a needle in my haystack, you think you could help me find it?

The Girl Bale shakes, hay body language for "Yes."

Girl Bale of Hay: Of course.

The hop next to each other. The Girl Bale rubs herself through the Boy Bale.

Girl Bale of Hay: Oh, Boy Bale, you're such a hunking stack of straw!

Boy Bale of Hay: Oh yeah, you know I am! Maybe the needle is on top of me.

The Girl Bale shakes and hops on top of the Boy Bale. She begins hopping up and down on top of him.

Girl Bale of Hay: Oh yeah!

Boy Bale of Hay: Oh yeah, shake that hay!

Mrs. Cake sighs at the hay porno and shifts uncomfortably on her bed.

Mrs. Cake: I hate it when they do this. They always show too much of the girl hay!

Mr. Cake walks into the bedroom.

Mr. Cake: Honey, what's going on? I thought I heard something in here.

Mrs. Cake turns off the hay porn quickly and turns to her husband, smiling innocently.

Mrs. Cake: What? Nothing. Nothing at all. Just sitting here.

Mr. Cake glares at her suspiciously.

Mr. Cake: Are you watching food porn again?

Mrs. Cake shakes her head unconvincingly.

Mrs. Cake: What? Of course not.

Mr. Cake sighs.

Mr. Cake: Why do you insist on watching that horrible stuff? Sometimes I think you don't love me.

Mrs. Cake: Of course I love you, I just need...other things every once in a while.

Mr. Cake gasps.

Mr. Cake What do you mean "other things?" Are seeing another stallion?

Mrs. Cake: What? How did you...I mean, no of course not!

Mr. Cake is becoming angry now.

Mr. Cake: I've loved you and stayed faithful to you all the years we've been married!

Mrs. Cake: I know. You just don't make me feel the way you used to make me feel.

As Mr. Cake bursts into tears and gallops out of the bedroom, he suddenly freezes mid-gallop.

Cheerilee turns from the TV to her class of fillies.

Cheerilee: And that's why you don't watch hay porn, children. Also, Pumpkin and Pound Cake, your parents are getting divorced!

Pumpkin and Pound Cake, who are sitting next to each other, are shocked and stunned, their mouths gaping like open doors. The school bell rings.

Cheerilee: Have a good afternoon, everypony!

Sketch 5: I'm Dreaming of a Green Spring

A crowd of ponies is gathered around Twilight as she shows off her newest invention to help clean up winter.

Twilight: (proudly) I call it a Giant Fan!

Twilight turns on the giant fan with a small switch. Suddenly, all of the snow on the ground in front of the fan blows away, revealing the green grass underneath.

Mayor: Wow, that's ingenious Twilight Sparkle.

Twilight nods and blushes a little.

Twilight: Yep, I know. I made it myself.

Suddenly, all the trees in the line of fire are ripped out by the roots and tossed into the buildings of Ponyville. Twilight chuckles awkwardly.

Twilight: Hehehe...I think I've done quite enough for the moment.

There is silence, but Applejack breaks it after a moment.

Applejack: Ya think?

The End!