Thiemo was used to attention. Usually what he needed to do to get some was to just go out on the streets in broad daylight. “Monster!” they screamed and pointed with their hooves at him, before barricading in their homes or seeking refuge in flight. Today, many hooves were pointing at him again, but these were smaller ones, as they belonged to foals who recognized him on the streets of the Empire. Lyra had to push them away from him. This was necessary since the shock he had after he thought he had lost his arm had weakened him a lot. If it had been up to the doctors, he would still be lying in bed, which was unacceptable. Eris would make her move today, and whatever it was, he would stop it.

So without further ado, he had made Lyra get a wheelchair, and they were now making their way from the castle to the stadium. Not that anyone could have stopped them. The reagent couple had left, together with Amaryllis, in the early morning since his marefriend was needed for the preparations. Twilight and her crew had left an hour later, together with Skyla and Auralia. The only problem that remained was that Thiemo had no clue what exactly Eris wanted and how he could stop her from getting it. He only knew for sure that he couldn’t let her harm a hair on Amaryllis’ head and that Eris wasn’t allowed to win.

However, his strategizing was momentarily stopped as he entertained the foals who recognized him on the street. He was killing two birds with one stone, as it also let him use his totem for the first time. He had no idea if he had to treat it differently than a normal gemstone, so he would have to start with something small anyway. Now he was busy gathering water out of the air, forming it into a ball above his hand, before freezing it and, with a light breath, sending off thousands of little snowflakes into the air above the foals. It was one of the simplest applications of shamanism, but he had successfully combined two elements, something he had never achieved before. So now he was beaming just like the foals, who tried to catch the snowflakes with their tongues, much to the amusement of their parents who watched it all from afar.

Right after he spread another cloud of flakes, Lyra stepped it up a notch. “We should hurry if we want to find a seat,” she noted. And she wasn’t wrong. Cadance had given his seat on the stands to Deerling and Entlas.

“Who said we want a seat?” Thiemo couldn’t see Lyra, as she was behind the wheelchair and pushing it with her magic, but her silence spoke volumes about how confused she have looked. “First of all, we want to get into the stadium.”

“What exactly is our plan then? I thought you wanted to see Amaryllis’ fight.”

“Lyra,” he just said in disappointment and shook his head. “Oh Lyra. Lyra, Lyra, Lyra. Whatever am I going to do with you?” The unicorn grumbled. “If it were up to me, there wouldn’t even be a fight.” And just like that, he got an idea of how he could achieve that. How well it would turn out for him would depend on if Eris would attack a cripple. “Get me into Loudmouth’s announcer cabin and lock the door from the outside. Then your debt is paid.”

“My debt?” she snorted. “It’s you who’s more in my debt than—”

“Fine!” Thiemo interrupted her. “I promised you to take you with me in my flying saucer.”

“You have an enchanted saucer that can fly?” Thiemo needed a second to realize that the phrase did not apparently mean the same thing as on Earth.

“No, I mean my spaceship.”

“Why didn’t you just say so?” They were both silent for a few seconds. “Do you even have a spaceship?”

Thiemo just rolled his eyes and pushed the wheelchair forward himself.

Amaryllis was nervous. At least she hoped it was nervousness and not something else. Her legs didn’t want to stop shaking, her stomach was making strange gurgling sounds even though she had had enough love for breakfast, and as embarrassing as it was, plenty of gas left her body as she walked up and down the small room. Of course, she had been nervous before every fight, but this was Eris. The last time they met, she had ran away with her tail between her legs as if there were no tomorrow. And she wasn’t nervous ‘nervous’ as before the fight against Thiemo. This was nervous panic. Maybe just panic.

Demon of Chaos, Bringer of Doom, and Destroyer of Order were just three of many titles that were given to this creature. The power to bend reality to her will. Eris could turn her into a worm just by looking at her. Or worse, a dung beetle. She hated dung beetles. She wasn’t afraid of anything that crawled down there, but those things collected the excrements of other creatures. That was simply disgusting. An involuntary shiver ran down her spine at the thought, accompanied by a few quick flaps of her wings.

“Breathe!” she ordered herself and took a deep breath, while putting a hoof onto her heart, before stretching the same hoof. “Breathe…” She repeated the procedure and noticed that the hammering in her chest was going down. It was thanks to the tip from Cadance. “Okay, nice and easy now, Amaryllis. She can’t hurt you. Eris has to follow the rules as well if she doesn’t want to lose. She can’t harm you.” She sighed. “At least I think so,” she added quietly.

In that moment, she heard the crowd cheering and knew that it would soon be time. One of the ponies with a cap that identified themselves as a staff member would knock at the door and tell her that she had to go into the arena. And for the first time, she wondered what would happen if she simply didn’t go. Surely her parents, especially her father, would be disappointed, but as soon as the whole thing was over, she could explain to them who Banana Peel really was and they would understand. Thiemo also didn’t know anything about the bet, and he wouldn’t miss what he didn’t know. Right? But then everything she had been through to get here would have been for nought. Maybe not everything, but at least all the effort that had gone into the tournament. And maybe, just maybe, she would be disappointed in herself. It wasn’t that she was avoiding a fight she couldn’t win, but rather that she wasn’t mare enough as she had thought. A mare should make sure that her stallion was happy, and this was basically the best present she could currently give him. Maybe his wishes would change over time, but Thiemo would always think about the family he had left behind. And wasn’t that exactly what made him attractive to her at first, that he stood to his family like a changeling?

“Come on, Amaryllis, you can do it. What did it say in the book? Grow some teats and mare-up?” She was Amaryllis; she was a changeling; she was a pony, a princess, and the damn Alicorn of Emotions. “Yeah! I can do it!”

Suddenly, there was a knock on the door. “Princess, it’s time to go into the arena.”

“Meep!” She flinched and was already halfway behind the table to get into cover. “C-Coming!” She waited for a few seconds until the mare at the other side of the door had taken a few steps back. “Great Amaryllis, great. Really.” She shook her head and her mane before she pushed it out of her face again with a hoof.

Not wanting to let the audience wait any longer, she left the room and fell into a trot behind the red crystal pony. Maybe she just didn’t want to have time to doubt herself, and now there was no turning back. With every step she took, the hallway grew shorter, and the inner of the arena became clearly visible. As usual, the thundering roars of thousands of spectators drowned out everything else, but Amaryllis still thought she could hear her own heartbeat as they reached the end. The mares said something like “Good luck”, but she couldn’t hear that either. Her focus turned towards the field where Banana Peel already stood, a wide grin on her face and licking her lips as she spotted her.

Just as Amaryllis felt the sand of the arena underneath her hooves, static sound went through the arena and drowned out all the other noise, followed by a familiar voice.

“Hello? Is this thing on?”

Getting into the stadium hadn’t been a problem. As a former contestant, he had free entry, just like Lyra, as he needed her to levitate him up the stairs or so he had explained to the guards. The hard part now began as they stood in front of the staircase leading to the announcer’s cabin. Two crystal guards had made themselves comfortable with some crystal corn on the cob at the bottom and enjoyed what must have been their break, now that all the spectators were in their seats and the fight about to start.

“And how did you plan to get past these two? I’ve already tried, and they’re more annoying than bees in honey,” Lyra whispered into Thiemo’s ear while they spied on the two guards from afar.

Thiemo quickly looked around, but there was, unfortunately, no toilet nearby this time. “Where’s a pretty mare to distract two stallions when you need one?”

“Hey!”

“What?”

“I thought you wanted me to help you.”

“Then off you go!” And with that, he gave her a smack on the flank that made Lyra jump forward a few metres. Amused, he watched the mare approach the two guards, whose attention she had already gotten in the moment he gave her the smack. As if her scream could have been missed. He instead quickly rolled back and now sat with his wheelchair next to one of the benches, in front of the large windows to the outside, and acted as if he were asleep. To his surprise, one of the guards pointed at Lyra before she could reach them and ran towards her. Lyra screamed again, shouted something that sounded like “Horseapples!”, and disappeared into the hallway, followed by both guards.

Thiemo stood there, rooted for a few seconds, and thought about what had just happened. Eventually, he came to the conclusion that he should just take it as it was and rolled over towards the stairs. The guards had even dropped their corn cobs to run after Lyra. “What a waste.” He just nodded and quickly looked around to see if the coast really was clear. Satisfied with the result, he braced himself on the armrests of the wheelchair and got on his feet. A bit shaky, but he managed to stand upright. Then the fight with their staircase began, which lead all the way up to the top of the stands. He really should have thought that through better with Lyra. But complaining wouldn’t get him anywhere now – he had to get up there and quick. Not only would the fight soon begin, but surely two trained guards wouldn’t have a trouble catching an office sitter like Professor Heartstrings.

Step by step, he made his way upstairs. It wasn’t easy. Usually these steps weren’t much of a problem for him. They were wider than normal steps, as they were designed for ponies, but now the many low steps posed a degree of difficulty. Luckily, he could brace his hand against the wall to get further along. He eventually reached the top, although physically exhausted and after what felt like an eternity, and looked back heavily breathing. Lyra or the guards hadn’t returned yet, but it couldn’t take much longer.

His gaze shifted towards the front again, where the door to the speaker’s cabin was. He tried to turn the knob, but it was locked of course. Thiemo crouched down and tried to catch a glimpse through the keyhole. In the room was the dark purple, crystal pony stallion with the yellow mane by the name of Loudmouth on a stool suited for ponies with a very soft cushion, a cigar in his mouth, while he pushed a few levers at the mixer console in front of him. Thiemo’s interest turned towards the lock itself, which didn’t look too complicated.

“I’m sure I can do something with it,” he mumbled with a grin. Taking a deep breath, he tried to ignore the sounds of the spectators, which were quite loud up here, and concentrated. He put a hand on the lock and the magic from his body began to work through the sea breeze crystal. Ice formed around the keyhole, then the knob and eventually the whole lock was frozen. Actually, he had just wanted to take the keyhole as a reference to form a key out of ice, but this did the trick as well. He threw his entire weight against the door, causing the lock to almost crumble into dust, and landed on all fours in the room.

“What the heck?! What’s going on here!” Loudmouth shouted in surprise as he spotted the human in the room and jumped up from the stool. Thiemo reacted immediately, reaching out his hand for the stallion and pulling him down to him, where he shackled his right hoof to the ground with a chunk of ice. “Hey!” Loudmouth shouted again and tried to free himself by pulling at the stuck hoof and hammering on the ice with the other.

Meanwhile, the human had managed to stand back up and had frozen the moderator’s hind legs to the ground without him noticing as well. “It’s time for you to shut up.” Thiemo forced the muzzle of the stallion shut and held it in place with a layer of ice as well. He thought for a moment and added a second one, just in case. Then he rammed his fist into stallion’s stomach. “And that’s because you seem to enjoy when lovers meet in the arena, asshole!” It wasn’t a strong blow as usual, for Thiemo was too weak, but it was enough for Loudmouth to go limp and stop moving. “Ah, that felt good,” he said in satisfaction and sat down on the stool. “So, how does this thing work?” Thiemo looked over to Loudmouth, who only whimpered. “Maybe I should have asked before…”

His eyes wandered over the mixer console and he found the microphone. It was a crystal in a stand, from which a cable went into the console. Since Loudmouth was a crystal pony, there had to be a switch somewhere to turn on the crystal. The question was just where. He followed the cable to the console and looked around the area where it connected. There was a suspicious-looking red button, which he pushed faster than he could think. Maybe that should give him something to think about.

“Hello? Is this thing on?” Thiemo flinched as a piercing feedback sound filled the room. “Sorry, some idiot left the door open.” He looked over the console into the arena, where the spectators were looking around in confustion, and he thought to see some turmoil going about at the royal tribune. But even more priceless was the look of Amaryllis as she was looking up to him from the arena. Just like Eris, who still wore a grin on her face. “My name is—”

“Help! I’m being held hostage—” Loudmouth didn’t get any further. Thiemo reacted quickly and his hand clamped around the stallion’s muzzle. Unlike last time, he didn’t form a ring of ice around his snout, but a solid chunk that was so heavy that he could no longer keep his head up.

“I have to apologize again, but good personnel are so hard to come by these days, right? Where was I? Ah yes! My name is Bartholomew, bogeyman by trade, and little Eris wants to be picked up at the ball pit. Her parents told her it is time to stop with the games.” Thiemo could see that at the mentioning of Eris, the spectators began to search for the creature. “Oh, I just got in another new piece of information. Eris is also known under the name of Banana Peel.”

Applause could be heard. Applause from just one creature. No one had really noticed, as they were all staring with open mouths, beaks, and snouts at the cabin, but Eris had changed back into her usual form and slowly clapped, which Thiemo could even hear in the soundproof cabin. “Bravo!” Just like her voice. “We are a sour loser, aren’t we? This changes nothing.”

“Oh, I wouldn’t be so sure.” Thiemo grinned and pulled a sheet with the rules from the pocket of his loyal orange coat. “If I may quote. Well, actually it’s an entire paragraph, so I’m cutting it down to the important stuff. It’s forbidden to register under a wrong name.”

“So?” Eris asked and shrugged.

“Could I ask one of the judges to check Miss Peel’s registration form?” Eris seemed to realize what he was going for. The shock stood clear in her face. She snapped her talon, and in the next moment, hovered above the console directly in front of Thiemo, causing the human to fall backwards onto the ground.

“Oh, you think you are so clever, aren’t you?” She stared at him with an angry glare and stroked his cheek with a paw. “You did exactly as I hoped you would.”

Thiemo blinked. “What?”

Suddenly, any aggression from her face vanished, and her usual grin returned. “I should congratulate you. You’ve grown some balls and took your destiny and made the best of it, instead of whining. What’s the saying you got? If life gives you lemon, make lemonade? Nice saying, by the way. Unusally harmless.” Eris pulled out a squeezer and a lemon from behind Thiemo’s ear. The lemon screamed quickly before Eris threw it into the squeezer. The machine roared to life and left behind only a glass of juice, which she drank immediately. The remainder she poured over Loudmouth. “And if I may say so, it was time that he shut up.”

“What?” Thiemo asked again.

“Urgh, humans.” Eris rolled her eyes. “I taught your and your little marefriend a little lesson. And I can see that you’ve learned it. The things you do in your never-ending boredom. Anyway, congratulation and so on.” A garland appeared around Thiemo’s neck, as well as a wreath of flowers in his hands. “I’m gonna go now before the vein in the forehead of our dear Twilight bursts. I mean, that thing is gigantic!” Eris snapped and vanished in a cloud of purple dust.

The door to the cabin swung open, and in came various crystal guards as well as an exhausted-looking Lyra Heartstrings. “You!” she bawled. “You can walk but still made me push your around half of the day?”

Instead of answering, Thiemo preferred to grin. The guards immediately went over to Loudmouth to free him and put shackles on Thiemo. “In the name of his Majesty Shining Armor, you are under arrest. You have the right…” Thiemo blocked out the guard in front of him as another took the flowers away from him. A card fell out of the wreath, and Thiemo let it fall into his hand with a slightly guided breath of air.

“Oh, I almost forgot,” the card read, “nobody breaks a Pinkie promise. Ever! Best wishes. Eris.”

“Never!” it sounded from the stadium, and it seemed as if the ground began to shake.

Author's Notes:

Did anyone notice that every Eris centered chapters title was always some movie title adaptation? Well, just wanted to point that out. Also, yes, I'm an ass. I didn't let the fight happen. Call me names, call me EA, but the big fight already happened. Amaryllis VS. Thiemo was the big finale of this chapter. So, yeah, shit happens? This was just Thiemo going Saul on Eris. Somehow, I like "Better call Saul" more than the original Breaking Bad. And to sum everything up: "Run, Thiemo! Run!"

Thanks to Gron for translating this chapter.
Special thanks to JBL for proofreading and editing.

And maybe give this story a try too:
SHAZAM, Equestria's Mightest Mare!
(I'm usually not a fan of crossovers, but this one quite good.)