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Cultural Artifacts

by Dan_s Comments

Chapter 28: 28) What Shall the Ice Carry?

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Dan's Comments

Cultural Artifacts - What Shall the Ice Carry?

DISCLAIMER: My Little Pony is the property of Hasbro, Inc.

Day 49

They walked out into the garage, as they approached the side door Hotaru could feel the air growing colder.

"At least having to go through the laundry room will keep some heat in the house, but the walls aren't insulated as well as the roof," the Big Guy explained. Outside through the glass panes of the door, and the windows in the side of the garage was a divided sight. To the right, was a cavern, inside was a city, brilliantly lighted, glowing like a jewel.

On the left, was the most beautiful thing Hotaru had ever seen. "Can I go out there?"

"It's at least 20 below out there," the Big Guy said.

"Fine, can I go out there?" Hotaru said excitedly, then she repeated herself in standard Equestrian so the Derpy's group could understand her.

"I'll go too!" Dinky said as she stared, not at the city, but the true beauty.

"You'll have to wear your snowsuit," Derpy said, and looked sternly at Hotaru, "And I'll go too, to keep an eye on you."

"Of course, no problem," Hotaru said, willing to promise anything that would get her out there. She spoke in the alien Equestrian for the Alicorns and the Big Guy. "Dinky and Derpy are all ready to get suited up and go out there, can we please?"

"What's gotten into you?" the Big Guy asked, he looked at what Hotaru was pointing at. "I don't, I can't see anything, just emptiness. What's got you so excited?"

"That's the point," Hotaru said, nearly pronking with excitement, "It's dark!"
------------------------------

Twilight was in the library's kitchen finishing up the breakfast dishes. She didn't know why Spike had cooked up her two favorite breakfasts and seemed to be walking on air, but she wasn't going to spoil his mood with questions just yet. He was ensconced with several books and seemed to be reading them all at once with great excitement.

The library door opened, and Mystery arrived with Sveti, between them, they carried a half-dozen large boxes. "Set them up in the study room," Mystery said, "Once we get the type set up, we can send a copy to each of the major capital for analysis."

"What's going on?" Twilight asked, she looked into the nearest boxes and saw the alien writing on the spine of the books filling the box. "You convinced him to part with these books?" Twilight couldn't keep the amazement from her voice.

"No, we just took them, better us than anyone else, right?" Mystery said.

"What?" Twilight said, and looked at the boxes and felt panic rise, she cantered in place as she gasped, "We have to put them back, he'll be back from the Baltimare Woods soon, and if he sees we plundered his library, there's no telling what he'll do!"

The two griffons looked at each other. Mystery walked over to the table in the library's main room and collected the letter addressed to 'Twilight Sparkle' and returned to hand it to her. "I thought you read this," Mystery said, "With the Writ of Banishment, it makes perfect sense."

" 'Banishment'?" Twilight asked and removed the letter from the envelope. Most of the pages were copies of the Writ Mystery had mentioned, the last was a single page of paper. On it was a short message. 'Twilight Sparkle,

Congratulations and well played, very well played. I would request that you allow the Apples to remain, they've done nothing to deserve displacement.
The Big Guy.'

"What?" Twilight asked no one in particular. She carefully read the Writ, and noted both the facsimile of Princess Celestia and Princess Luna's hoof prints on it. "This has to be a joke," Twilight said and relaxed, "You'd better put those books back. I'll talk to Rainbow and Pinkie Pie. Their little prank war has been fun, but this is where somepony could get hurt, or worse."

"Sparkle," Sveti said, "One of the Royal Guard posted two copies of that on his door. One with a royal seal attached. I recognized the guardspony from Canterlot. It's real, and he evidently bugged out of here this morning. All his possessions and chattels to be dispositioned according to the crown. I think she'll send the books here in any case, so we brought them here before anyone made them into souvenirs."

"It can't be," Twilight said, her ears flat and cringing back from the cases, "This has to be a mistake."

Pinkie Pie's arrival distracted Twilight from her confusion. Her accusation that Pinkie and Rainbow's prank war had gone too far died as she saw the mare's down cast expression, and that she was walking slowly, like a regular pony.

"Pinkie Pie?" she asked as the two griffons carried the books to the study room.

"They're gonna throw a big party," Pinkie said, then threw herself on Twilight hugging her as she sobbed, "But I don't want that kind of party! I'm so confused!"

Twilight stared off in the distance and wondered what had happened to the day so early.
------------------------------

Hotaru was holding Dinky off the ground by her tail, so Derpy could get the giggling, little unicorn's boots and snowsuit on. Sapphire had arrived with a couple of sets of goggles to protect their eyes from the extreme cold. Celly and Woona were unpacking and hanging up the luggage Derpy and Dinky had brought. The Big Guy was in a chair in the corner, very firmly tied to it.

"The Seekers are an aspect of Alicorn and Draconequus mythology, the ponies neither share them, nor have they generally heard of them," the Big Guy said, "Which is very strange considering one of them was supposedly living in the Unicorn's capital city. When Discord got loose for a little while, he decided to set up this house to investigate the legendary homes of the Seekers, so I could go look for them and find out what they were doing." The Big Guy seemed to be listening to an internal dialog or monolog. "Discord wants to assure you that he didn't investigate himself on either occasion he was recently free not because he was afraid the Seekers would take back his powers but because he was busy doing something fun." The Big Guy winced as though Discord was shouting at him.

"That's very interesting, but what does that have to do with you roping all those ponies into your revenge on Celestia?" Celly asked in tones angry enough that Derpy and Dinky picked up on them.

"Excuse me?" the Big Guy replied, "You were the one who wanted to tear her into bite-sized strips." He strained against the ropes. "And can you untie me?"

"That is personal," Celly said, "And no, we think you've gone mad. When you aren't, then we'll let you go."

"Not insane, just angry," the Big Guy said, "I got tired of the way lots of the ponies were treating me."

"So you hurt the ones who were treating you well, as well as the one who were mistreating you?" Woona asked.

Derpy looked over Dinky and made sure she was properly fitted out, then she pulled her own cold-weather gear on as Sapphire changed into a small polar bear and fitted a set of goggles to Hotaru. The group looked ready as they waddled out the door.

"Do you have anything to add?" Woona asked Hotaru.

"If I cared about pony gods, I would have eaten them," Hotaru said, "You can talk, talk, TALK, I'm going outside."

"Such is the state of curiosity," Celly said, and returned to hanging up clothes. "If you think you can just walk into their domains, you're wrong."

"That temple you access through the corridor in Canterlot," the Big Guy said, and both Woona and Celly stared at him. "The temple in ruins from when Discord ascended? The two priests there haven't heard the voice of the Seekers in nearly a millennium. The temple hasn't been rebuilt, no new priests have come forth, and when did you last enter the equivalent in your world and offer sacrifices, prayers or ask for intercession?"

"When Luna fell to Nightmare Moon and I asked for them to help me. The last thing they did do was direct Luna and I to the Tree of Harmony to gather the Elements," Celly admitted, "And before you ask, neither Luna nor I are gods."

"Never asked, never intended to ask, but the Seekers were, supposedly. Yet they never came to your aid even with the world coming down around your ears. I don't know whether they were the collective consciousness of the Alicorns and Draconequi, some ancient device powered by who knows what, or the echos of some previous age, but I don't think they're around anymore," the Big Guy said, "Since we're here, we can find out. That's why Discord built this second house, and that's why I'm here. To go look."

"I thought you were here to get away from Celestia," Woona said.

The Big Guy shrugged. "That too."
------------------------------

Derpy watched Sapphire and Dinky pelt Hotaru with snowballs, only to have the big dog turn around and 'dig' the snow, covering the pair in a drift. Two pair of goggles poked out of the drift and the eyes behind them blinked. One more kick and those too were buried. But Derpy's mind was working on something bothering her. I may not be a very good weather pony, but I do know snow turns to ice after a long enough time, not the other way around, she thought, So there shouldn't be all this snow. Well, at the end of our vacation, I can ask Rainbow Dash. I think it can wait.

She walked forward towards the two sides. The darkness that yawned from the caverns called to her, and she didn't know why. Hotaru seemed content to run and play in the near darkness away from the house, while Dinky and Sapphire stayed in the overshine from the city and the house.

All four of them froze as they heard a noise. A moment later, Dinky was clinging to her, looking into the darkness fearfully. Hotaru trotted over and glanced at the whimpering foal.

"Quiet," Hotaru said.

"She's afraid," Derpy replied.

"You too, quiet," Hotaru said, "Open your ears, shut your eyes and mouths. Listen for them, just listen."

Derpy pulled the hood of her snowsuit back a little to free her ears. The cold bit into them immediately and she stopped Dinky from doing the same. Then she closed her eyes and listened. She could hear them, what she'd thought was one sound, were dozens of little noises. They were coming from one general direction, and they were coming closer.

"How many?" Hotaru asked.

"Dozens," Derpy said.

"No, six, trying to sound like dozens," Hotaru said, "Listen. That one step, drag, scratch, step, scratch, drag. That one, scratches with two claws and walks with two rhythms. That one hops and walks, step, step, hop, step, step, hop." The big dog chuckled. "They're trying to scare us away." She dug her claws through the snow and ice. "But we're here to stay."

"We should go back to the house," Sapphire said.

Hotaru turned to look at the changeling. Her contempt shown through her doggy expression. "Afraid of zomponies?" Hotaru said, "This is the remains of the Ponies' Homeland. What would be alive here after a thousand . . . a thousand years of darkness?" Hotaru said and seemed to consider, "All right, let's head back. Safety in numbers," Hotaru said.

Derpy walked backwards the whole way back to the house, looking at the darkness and trying to match Hotaru's trick. She couldn't, it still sounded like dozens to her.
------------------------------

The crowds and bunting festooning Dodge Junction celebrated the fall of the Baltimare Bandits. The guards had to keep the occasional pie thrower at a distance, but overall it was raucous but nonviolent. The disheartened bandits moved through the roaring citizens with a cordon of Royal Guards surrounding them.

Celestia noted how the noise seemed to further cow the bandits who'd been hiding in the catacombs below the ruins. I'm going to have a few words about that, she thought, but enjoyed waving to the enthusiastic crowds. She also noted that while Shining Armor and Alfalfa were with the troops, Blueblood was not. She frowned at that. A parade, and he's nowhere to be seen? That's just odd, she thought.

As the formation approached the train station, she understood. Blueblood had been arranging railcars to take the troops and the prisoners farther on. That was arguably one of the more shocking revelations of the entire trip.

"Captain Armor," Blueblood said, "The freights are for the prisoners, the coaches ahead and behind are for the troops. They're good soldiers, Captain, just let them do their jobs and you'll be fine."

"Aren't you coming too?" Celestia asked as she approached. Oddly, both Armor and Blueblood bowed.

"No, your Majesty," Blueblood said.

Celestia flicked an ear. Not 'Auntie', not 'Aunt Celestia', she thought.

"I think I finally understand why you always thought I was such a mental midget. Having seen you in action and how your plans encompass all your opponents, I have to agree," Blueblood said, "It is, sobering."

Celestia stared at him for a moment. "If it's the banishment, I can raise it."

"Thank you," Blueblood said, "But you needn't trouble yourself. I think Canterlot will be better without me, and I certainly think I will be better without it. By your leave your Majesty, Captain Armor." He bowed to her and trotted away.

"He's, grown up," Celestia said.

Armor was still staring at the figure heading back into Dodge Junction. "Well, the train will take us through Ponyville, and then on to Canterlot," Armor said, "I'm sure you will want to take the air chariot back ahead of us."

Celestia grinned. "Actually, I'd rather enjoy riding the train, and seeing Ponyville again," Celestia said as she entered the coach, "Oh dear, low ceilings."
------------------------------

Trixie watched the train pull away, once it was nearly out of sight, Igor joined her. "You could have gone home," Trixie said.

"When I decide where home is," Igor said, "I'll go there. Right now, I'd rather be a laughing stock because I wish to be, rather than because I have to be."

"I wonder if the theater will be closed for the celebration," Trixie said.

"One way to find out." Igor headed towards the theater.

Trixie looked at the festivities going on, and wondered, How do I work my part of it into the act. No one would believe what we did. I barely believe it, she thought. After a few moments, Trixie turned to follow Igor.
------------------------------

Hotaru entered the room where the two alicorns were interrogating the Big Guy. Celly was facehooving, and Woona was too shocked to do anything but stare. Hotaru sat down to watch the wonderful scene. The creatures gathering the nerve to approach the house could wait.

"I said it was a theory," the Big Guy said.

"Just because your people have to have a nuclear, 'Sword of Damocles' dangled over their heads to prevent war from breaking out, there's no evidence that the Alicorns and Draconequi had to invent gods to do the same," Celly told him, the poor girl looked near hysterics, "And why have I never heard of this?"

"How old were you when the tribes dropped the Windingos on you and destroyed most of your populations? A kid? Adults don't share the real way things work until the kids are older. One of my grand kids, when she hit high school age, was furious that I hadn't shared my knowledge of the Holocaust with her when she first learned about World War 2. So I got out my scrap book and started showing her the pictures I took of the camps, during and after the war. She threw up on the rug. When she finished, I asked her if she was ready to hear about my experiences. Last year I was on Earth she was 37-years-old with kids of her own, and she's never asked to hear it."

"And when did you learn about people willing to do such things?" Woona said.

"When the Royal Navy destroyed the Marine Nationale after the surrender of France to Nazi Germany," the Big Guy said coldly, "So the Germans wouldn't instantly have a large and powerful surface fleet. From allies to simply an obstacle to destroy in a matter of weeks."

"What a dark world you live in," Celly said.

"Sounds great, when do we leave? Say, is that scrapbook still in the other house?" Hotaru asked.

"You should be able to find it in the glass-fronted book shelves. If it's still there, it's in the other house," the Big Guy said.

"Oh, to be there when Sparkle starts reading that book," Hotaru said and looked back at her wagging tail, "I'll never get used to that. There's something else alive out there. We didn't let them get too close, so I didn't clearly see them, but they are out there."

"Windingos?" Woona asked. She exchanged glances with Celly.

Celly grimaced, but her horn glowed and the ropes restraining the Big Guy fell away. "We aren't through discussing this."

"That's fine. We still have to answer the question of where did the Windingos go," he replied, "You two were mad enough, you should have had a pack of them hovering over us. Yet, nothing. That's the real mystery."

"Get dressed," Hotaru said, "It's as cold as you said it was. Maybe worse."

"You still had fun," the Big Guy accused, showing his more typical good humor.

"It's everything I ever wanted, all that darkness, no sun for centuries, and nothing else, almost nothing else out there," Hotaru said, her excitement made that thing attached to her butt gyrate. She stared at it a moment. "When I was Nightmare Moon, I controlled my tail. That thing has to have a mind of its own."

"Maybe."

They'd reassembled in the garage. Sapphire had returned to her natural state. "I think they're Changelings," she told Hotaru and the others. Then the Big Guy repeated it for Celly and Woona. That both Alicorns looked to Hotaru for confirmation showed that they were no longer as certain as they had been about things. Hotaru found it interesting, but the death of their illusions was their problem, not hers.

"I thought Changelings were nearly black," the Big Guy said, and Hotaru translated.

"Most are," Sapphire said, "But I still get the sense, that they are Changelings."

The Big Guy told the two suspicious alicorns.

"He said you feed on love, right?" Derpy asked.

Sapphire nodded. And suddenly she was Dinky. Dinky jumped beside her.

"Which one, momma?" one Dinky called.

"Which one?" the other said.

"Both!" Derpy hugged both.

A moment later, Sapphire reformed and stepped away, or tried to, Derpy grabbed her and kept hugging.

"So we go out there and offer to feed them," Derpy said, "Like setting out a muffin for a friend in the morning."

Hotaru rolled over laughing. "Free food for the right to explore your ancient city!" she said as she laughed.

Derpy's ears went flat. "What's wrong with it?" Derpy asked.

"Nothing," Sapphire said.

"It's perfect, it's simple, and it's so crazy, it'll probably work," Hotaru said and laughed, cheering Derpy back up, "Changelings are used to hiding. So we rush out there like an attack buffet, they won't know what to do." Hotaru ignored the thing on her butt trying to knock her over as it swung side to side. She was grinning at the pegasus.

"Charge of the food!" Dinky called and led the group back out. Derpy, Hotaru and the Big Guy followed.

"I surrender the Diarchy of the Sun and all that goes with it," the Big Guy said, "That should take care of 'end of the Solar Diarch' business."

"You're being weird again." Hotaru sidled up to the Big Guy. "I bet we've got one weapon that just might work on them as a deterrent. Unless you don't hate that place worse than I do."

"More, probably," he replied, "But lets go with Derpy's plan. But that is why we're safe from Celestia, the priests told her 'if the Solar Diarch goes to the ancient lands, the end of the Solar Diarch will follow'. I just ended as Solar Diarch."

"You're being weird again."

"You said that already," he replied.

"It bears repeating. I prefer Derpy's plan. It's simple."

The pair raced to join Derpy's group's charge and a huge snow monster appeared. It howled in rage as its claws rent the air. Derpy paused, and glanced at Sapphire. The Changeling nodded.

"Pony pile!" Derpy shouted and the group raced at the target, tackling the two changelings out of the manipulated snow. The two struggled to escape for a moment, then became strangely quiet as the ponies and human hugged them. Hotaru kept an eye out for trouble, and laughed at the two alicorns keeping their distance.

After a few minutes, the group let the surprised changelings up, and Derpy told them, "We can do the same for your children. We want to be friends."

But we can also defend ourselves, Hotaru thought, Considering the goat of Ponyville took out one of you all by her lonesome, you aren't the combatants you might think you are.

The two changelings trotted away. One of them stopped to wave, and galloped after the other.

"Now, we go back to the house. The mail's been delivered. The reply should come soon," Derpy said.

"One of them was an immature queen," Sapphire said, "We - she is especially vulnerable. A queen's supposed to be a conduit for love-food for the entire hive. It can get pretty overwhelming, when it's directed at you, not your disguise."

Derpy snorted. "Even I figured that out."

Sapphire blushed as mother and daughter sandwiched her between them and headed back for the house.
------------------------------

The trains had started arriving. Not from Dodge Junction, but from Canterlot. The party preparations were going on all around them as news of the defeat of the bandits spread.

The knock on the door was the eighth, and only Spike was available to answer it.

"Doctor Paint Stroke, of the National Gallery," the unicorn presented her card, "I assume Miss Twilight Sparkle is in."

Spike pointed to the fourteen-way argument going on in the main floor of the library. "Equestrian Art Preservation Society, Equestrian Literature Society, Royal Library, Royal Architectural Society, and some others," Spike said as he thumbed through a box of business cards and placed the latest among them. He'd sent Applebloom off a little while ago, all he had to do was wait for the cavalry. He rushed to the center of the intellectual scrum and tried to get poor Twilight some breathing room.

"Surely the National Gallery is the correct place," one mare brayed.

"The entire collection must be kept as it is, so the synergy can be maintained," another noble countered.

"Certainly copies in place of the originals could do that," a third added. "But that's unimportant. The tapestries and pony butchering rooms must be removed and examined."

Twilight tried to interject several times, but the could not override the arguers who'd evidently started on the train ride from Canterlot and looked to be willing to continue until doomsday, or they got their way.

The rope dropping on all of them heralded the beginning of the end of the siege. "Ya'all need to get prettied up so the Princess can sort this all out," Applejack said as she and Big Mac hauled the lassoed group out of Twilight's face, and thence out of the library.

"Town Hall?" Big Mac asked.

"Town Hall," Applejack agreed.

Spike got a chance to see Twilight without her head whipping around like a leaf in the wind. Her mane looked worse than it had leading up to the Smarty-Pants incidence. Despite the empty room, she still glanced around furtively, as it the very books themselves would start shouting their demands at her.

"Darling."

For once, Spike was not glad to see Rarity.

"No you can't have his furniture, you can't have his paintings, his books are going back in his house, and there is no pony butchering room," Twilight shouted, and stood, chest heaving, she focused on Rarity, the madness still upon her, "You can't have his clothes."

Rarity took a very genteel approach to her friend. "I am here to return this." She levitated the book over to Twilight. "It was a loan, and now that he's gone, It isn't right to keep it, as much as I want to."

The shame seemed to calm the other unicorn down. "I'm sorry, where did all these ponies find out about this, find out before the Princess told me, and where are they all coming from?"

"Canterlot, for the moment," Rarity said, "And there will be others from Manehatten, Baltimare, Van Hoover, and from the other nations." Rarity looked at the room where Mystery and Sveti were hiding. "I suspect that the Sparkle Siege will continue until all the goods are distributed by the crown. You are Her Highness' student, and a resident here. They'll continue whispering in your ear to get what they want."

"That wasn't whispering, Rarity," Spike said, "I'm just glad he gave me my books before he left."

"Gave?" Rarity asked, and worriedly glanced at Twilight's sudden interest.

"A present, books about dragons," Spike said, then noticed Twilight's mad expression, but insane and furious, "I kept the note he gave me, so I have clear title."

Thankfully, Twilight relaxed. She relaxed a little much as she collapsed on the floor of the library. "This is all a misunderstanding," Twilight said, "A breakdown in communications. Nobody wanted him gone, not really, and not this way."

"Have you seen some of the banners praising her Highness' actions?" Rarity asked carefully as she trotted to a window and drew aside the curtain. "I think you will find there are a great many who see it as the return to normalcy."

Twilight felt her ears go flat as she trotted over. She looked out the window where Rarity was pointing. While the defeat of the Baltimare bandits had first billing, the banishment of the Ponyville Monster had a strong showing as well. Twilight sat down with a thump. "Celestia will straighten this out when she gets here," Twilight said and laughed. She glanced at the cringing Rarity and added, "I hope."
------------------------------

Pinkie pulled another batch of cupcakes from the oven and began decorating them. She heard the ruckus outside and felt conflicted. I never thought there'd be a party I wanted no part of, she considered. She saw the Cakes looking at her worriedly as she went through the routine with all her usual energy, but none of her usual enthusiasm. She slid another tray into the oven, and set the timer. She watched for a while. Then a clawed hand rested on her shoulder.

She turned to see Sunshine standing there, with his forbidding wintry smile. He knew it wasn't hostile, it was just fierce, like him.

"I have my contacts out, they'll find where he's gone. And I think you need a break, and to go see your friend Twilight. She's been rather busy in the last few hours. A little pick-me-up might do both of you some good," he told her softly, then went back to being the stern, old bird.

She spoiled it by hugging him, "Thank you."

She collected a few treats and got a nod from the Cakes, before she headed over to Twilight's.

The double ring of Guards around the door to the Big Guy's house and the crowd surrounding them did nothing to lighten Pinkie's mood. She wasn't all the way to Pinkamena levels, but it was close. "Twilight?" she asked as she entered the library. Rarity was there, along with their despondent friend.

"What happened?" Twilight asked, looking up at Pinkie with apprehension.

"Uh, cookies, cupcakes and a few muffins?" Pinkie asked.

Twilight relaxed and so did Pinkie. "Maybe he's just taking a vacation," Pinkie said, "Derpy and Dinky are only going to be gone for three weeks."

"This is hardly the way to take a vacation," Rarity said as she helped Pinkie dole out the treats. "This is insanity."

"Maybe Discord took over his brain?" Pinkie offered.

"That doesn't explain the Writ, or that all those people from Canterlot knew and came down. I feel like we're chasing vultures away from a sick cow," Twilight said.

"Well, it was printed in Canterlot," Rarity said, "Somepony must have talked."

Twilight nodded. "We wait for the Princess."
------------------------------

Another short-frequency colored pony was marching through the Canterlot gardens towards one statue in particular. Luna knew she shouldn't shout at the nobles, the reporters, or her own daughter, but she needed to vent her spleen on someone who was actually there and had some culpability in ruining her day beyond all previous limits.

"Congratulations," she told Discord's statue, "You and he have achieved true synergy, and have all of ponykind as addled and insane as you hoped them to become. I certainly hope you're satisfied, because I don't think my ears will stop ringing for days."

The spontaneous celebrations had cropped up in various quarters in Canterlot and were swift spreading to even the royal palace. The defeat of the bandits of the Baltimare Woods, was heralded as a triumph, as was the ensuing banishment of the Monster of Ponyville. All praise the wisdom and cunning of Celestia.

Because she had nothing to do with it, and is not where I can contact her easily. My missive to Twilight returned unread the instant it was sent, which can only mean their bedlam matches our own. And that of the Royal Palace of Canterlot. Perhaps the moon would be a good place to hide for a decade or two, she thought.

As she turned to return to the throne room, she saw the reporters behind the hedges and the walls of guards, again they barraged her with questions. If this is your revenge, it is an effective one, Luna thought as she gathered her hauteur around her and walked back to the throne room. 'An electric muffin-making machine', a 'pony carving room'? Where do they get this stuff?

"We have not yet decided on the disposition of his good, chattels and home," she told the crowd waiting outside the palace gates, "Specific questions about individual items will not avail you."

She considered telling the guards to clear the throne room before she arrived, but with the entire city celebrating it seemed ill-advised.

I thought only Pinkie Pie could conjure a celebration this quickly, Luna thought as she glanced out the window at the parade floats rumbling down the main street.
------------------------------

One of the guards on the train had a guitar and was singing a song of her own composition. The tone of the song was doing nothing for Celestia's sense of well-being.

Dodge has got its cowpokes
Baltimare has its bums
Woods between got Jimson Weed
He's a sidewindin' son of a gun
Yeah, he mean and dumb and a stallion
But he stronger than a country hoss
And when the bad ole nags get together at night
You know they all call Jimson "Boss", just because
And they say

You don't stomp on Celestia's tail
You don't spit into the wind
You don't pull the mane on ole Nightmare Moon
And you don't mess around with Jim

Well outta lil' Ponyville come a alien
He say I'm lookin' for a hoss called Jim
I am a straight-shootin' boy
No 'Celestia's toy'

And he lookin no less than grim
I'm trampin' through the woods of Baltimare
Seein' if I can find their king
Last week he chops some honey
And it may sound funny
But I come give some real payback
And everybody say Jack don't you know

You don't stomp on Celestia's tail
You don't spit into the wind
You don't pull the mane on Nightmare Moon
And you don't mess around with Jim

Well a hush fell over the woods there
Cause Jim had come boppin' out of the heat
And when the fightin' wa' done
The only part that wasn't bloody
Was the soles of the monster's feet
Jim was cut in a hundred places
And he been shot in a couple more
And you better believe
They sung a different kind of story
When Jimson hit the floor.
Now they say

You don't tug on Mare-Do-Well's cape
You don't spit into the wind
You don't fight against the Ponyville Monster
No, you don't mess around with him

Yeah, the boss got his hat
Find out where it's at
And it's not hurtin' people strange to you
Even if you live in a messed-up, magic-proof slew

You don't tug on Mare-Do-Well's cape
You don't spit into the wind
You don't fight against the Ponyville Monster
No, you don't mess around with him


She could appreciate the music, but the rather bloody description of a basically bloodless battle bothered her. Then she thought of the horribly broken expressions on the ponies who walked so placidly out of the bunker under the old fort. She and the other ponies had been terrorized by the effect of the depth charges in the movie. He'd intentionally used that on the bandits.

I'm going to have to do something about that, she thought as tried to consider an appropriate punishment for brutalizing these ponies. Brutalizing ponies who cut off another pony's horn and frightened her so badly that she cannot cast magic. Yet none of them were hurt, just frightened out of their wits, she thought, Would I even be considering punishment if Captain Armor or Twilight had come up with this plan? Beyond a stern rebuke?

"Your Highness," Captain Armor said as he intruded on her thoughts, "We will be stopping at Ponyville for a while. I think it's best if we take the prisoners in shifts to get food and water, and let them take care of their business. We should be here for about an hour and a half."

"Thank you, Captain," she said, "I would like to get out and stretch - my - legs." She saw the banners and read them.

Captain was just as confused as she was. "I get the defeat of the bandits. What's this 'Banished the Monster' stuff?" he asked.

"Let's go find out," Celestia said, and caught a glance from Armor indicating she hadn't concealed her nervousness as well as she had hoped.

The cheers that answered her appearance felt good, then she saw the signs. A lot of them, and uncomfortable lot of them had variations on the theme of 'banished the monster'. A quick glance to Captain Armor while she waved to the crowd.

He mouthed 'Twilight' and she nodded, the two of them heading for the Ponyville Library. Celestia continued to smile and wave to the adoring ponies, but her heart was beginning to dread what she'd find. The calls admiring her bravery in finally doing something about the monster were taking her deliberations in an ominous turn.

They can't mean the Big Guy, she thought, I knew others called him 'the Ponyville Monster' but I didn't think Ponyville had adopted it.

The worried looks from Captain Armor at the signage and the shouts of praise set Celestia on edge. The crowd surrounding the library was a further sign that something unexpected was happening. Pounding on the door and shouting things to those presumably inside did nothing to bolster either's confidence.

"Make way, make way," Armor told the crowd, mostly Canterlot nobles and VIPs, as he cleared them away from the door.

What are they all doing here? she wanted to ask.

She knocked. "Twilight, Twilight Sparkle?"

The door didn't so much open as evaporate. "I CANNOT DIVIDE UP THE BIG GUY'S ESTATE NO MATTER HOW WORTHY YOUR CAUSE."

The force of the sound pushed Celestia back a handful of paces.

"JUST GO HOME UNTIL I CAN TALK TO THE PRINCESS!" an utterly disheveled Twilight said in the Royal Canterlot Voice squared, then slammed the door. Apart from the echo of that slam, silence reigned.

Celestia heard from behind the door. "Twilight, dear, that was the Princess."

The door opened so fast it seemed to vanish, and Twilight stared at her with a mulish expression. Her disheveled mane and tail were worse than the Smarty Pants doll incident, but her expression was more lucid. Furious, but lucid. Then she saw a bit of comprehension, and even joy beginning to peek out of her expression.

Celestia smiled. "Twilight, what's going on?" Celestia asked quietly.

Wrong question, Celestia realized as Twilight's face froze. She took the opportunity to walk into the library, followed quickly by Shining Armor.

"Go back to your homes, we'll sort this out," he told them and closed and bolted the door.

" 'What's going on?'" Twilight asked, " 'What's going on?'" Twilight laughed once, then again. The kind of laugh you heard in movies, just before the ax murderer struck. " 'What's going on?'" Twilight repeated as she began walking in a circle, "'What's going on?"" she asked again before bursting into laughter, which very quickly became sobs as she collapsed to the ground. Rarity, Pinkie Pie and Spike put aside their fire extinguishers and tried to comfort her. But all Twilight would do was repeat the question.

"Forgive us your Highness," Rarity said, "She's just the teasiest bit stressed."

Twilight let out a heart wrenching sob and buried her face in her hooves.

"Spike, Captain Armor, please take her to her room and get her tucked in," Rarity said, and ran a hoof through her mane. She sighed, while perfectly coifed to most eyes, she obviously thought herself as mussed as Twilight had been. "Your Highness, I beg your pardon, but was what the Big Guy did against the Baltimare Bandits really worth banishing him from Equestria?"

Twilight's insanity seemed a more rational place to be.
------------------------------

The whole group sat around the dining room table and tried to make sense of the Big Guy's obvious brain damage. "So how would any of that be punishment to the pony-sisters? And why would you want to punish them in the first place?" Dinky asked then ate some of her peanut butter and jelly sandwich while she waited for the translation to go to the Big Guy, him to think of the answer and the translation to come back. Dinky gave Hotaru a bit of the sandwich while they waited. Dogs and peanut butter were always funny.

Unfortunately Hotaru knew that trick and nudged her hoof away. " 'Dinky, have you ever really, really, really wanted something, and your momma wouldn't let you have it?'" Hotaru asked, " 'No matter how good you promised to be, or how much you begged?'"

The little unicorn glanced at her mother, then shyly nodded.

"And did you ever see later that it would have been awful to have gotten it?" came the follow-up through Hotaru.

"Yes, a couple of times," Dinky admitted and nodded to speed things up.

"In this case, not only didn't I deny it to them, I gave them an extra-large, special dose. Heaped up, shaken down and overflowing. And they are going to have to live with getting exactly what they said they wanted, exactly the way they wanted. And they won't enjoy a single minute of it," Hotaru said, then glanced at the Big Guy to make sure it was translated properly.

He nodded.

I thinking Discord is also translating, but he waits for both of them to translate, Dinky thought, So he really doesn't trust either not to trick him.

"But, why?" Dinky asked.

"Because Celestia wanted some friends to play with. Rather than ask to be our friend, rather than ask to borrow being me for a day or two. She stole me: my life, my friends, my home, all my mementoes, and forced me to live her life without friends, and with Luna demanding I don't hurt people's image of her sister or their trust of her. But caring not the slightest if her sister hurt my friends, damaged my home, or hurt my reputation. That made me very angry. I still am." Hotaru didn't have to translate the last, the Big Guy's expression told it better than the words did, but his voice didn't show it in the least.

"You don't sound angry," Dinky said.

"There are different levels of angry." His smile and the gentle ear scratch of both Dinky and Hotaru told what he said was true. "I can be gentle and kind to those who are my friends, and I can plan to destroy my enemies with their fondest wishes, at the same time."

"I still don't understand," Dinky admitted, "But I can understand why you did it. If somepony stole mama away, I'd be real mad."

The Big Guy nodded. "So I planted some seeds in the court that she isn't ready for, and I also made her a hero to many ponies. She'll soon have all the friends she could ever want."

"How does that hurt?" Derpy asked as she set the plates of pancakes before them all.

"Dinky, think if your new, bestest friends were Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon," the Big Guy said through Hotaru.

The face Dinky made required no translation. "You made ponies like that her new best friends?"

The Big Guy nodded before Hotaru could even translate. Possibly before Discord could.

Dinky shivered. "I can imagine not being able to get rid of those two," she said, then stared at hin, "But you said 'many', many like a dozen, or many like a few hundred?"

He said something, and Celly replied in his language. Hotaru translated, "Several hundred. Remind me never to get you mad at me." Hotaru chuckled at the idea. "Some of those idiots would be like grease and jelly mixed and smeared into your coat." She giggled as Dinky, Derpy and Sapphire squirmed. When the others stared at her, she translated and set the others squirming.
------------------------------

Celestia's legendary equanimity and coolness under stress was beginning to fray. At every window of the library, now with the shades drawn, were a dozen ponies extolling the wonderfulness of Celestia for banishing both problems. Others had signs begging their institute/foundation/cause should be given this or that bit of the Big Guy's possessions. They had the building under siege, even from the air, and did not appear to be eager to disperse. The Guard was keeping fights about the scavengers to a minimum. The whole thing was pushing her into 'mad Twilight' condition.

So, `I` won the contest, which put all the other nations out of the running, then `I` trick him into executing a plan that gets him exiled, Celestia thought as she patted Spike on the head, So I can tell everyone what really happened, or I can continue letting them think I'm a genius for disposing of the Ponyville - him so neatly.

"Thank you, Spike, I think I understand," she told him after he finished explaining what strain Twilight had been under the last few days. What would be her and Luna's strain until they could drag the Big Guy back and straighten all this out.

Here I was worried about what he'd do to my little ponies, I never considered what he'd do to me, she thought, Are we really that predictable, or is he just that unpredictable? Silly question considering Discord's reaction. It also doesn't speak well of my ponies. As a prank, it's devious and effective. I either admit what I did, and that he is the architect of this plan, or accept that everypony thinks the plan was mine. Neither is a good option.

She made the mistake of glancing outside and the throng was still there. She smiled and waved to them, then closed the curtains again. Very well crafted, she thought.

"How is she?" Celestia asked as Armor returned.

"She's calming down enough to get some sleep. With respect your Highness, I think you should have warned her this would happen. I never heard of this interest in his library or art collection. There's little interest among the guard of developing ponified versions of his weapons," Armor said, respect for his sovereign warring with his desire to protect his little sister, "Or I would have warned her myself."

Celestia hid her grimace and considered revealing what she'd done. She felt more ashamed.

"I did not expect this to happen either," she replied, "Nor did I expect ponies to celebrate this occurrence."

"He's clearly their enemy, your Highness," Armor said as he headed out the front door.
------------------------------

Bonbon was quietly considering murder. "It's all right Lyra."

"Why didn't he take me with him?" her lover cried from amid a pile of blankets.

Think of something, she thought, flailing around for any reason that seemed plausible and didn't reflect on Lyra.

"Because he didn't want to split us up," she said, "And I couldn't leave quickly. Once he knows he's settled, he'll send for you. And I can relocate my business."

Oh that's pathetic, Bonbon thought.

"You think?" Lyra asked as she poked her head out of the pile.

"I'm guessing," Bonbon admitted, "Thinking like him is difficult. But I can't imagine he had a lot of time to plan this."

Lyra pulled Bonbon towards her. "Thank you. Have I told you how much I love you?"

"Not recently, but we have time," Bonbon said and let Lyra pull her into her embrace.

Giggling, Lyra tossed a blanket over the two of them.
------------------------------

The party lasted into the evening, and Celestia read the report from Luna, that similar celebrations rocked the capital. Reports that Baltimare was also celebrating did not gladden her heart.

"Highness?" Twilight said as she came down the steps wiping her eyes.

"Twilight," she said, feeling a sense of stability returning, "Spike explained all that he knew. I had not expected this would occur."

"Then what do we do?" Twilight asked.

"What do you believe is the best course?" Celestia asked, trying to make it seem this was a test, rather than a calamity.

"Put the books back, and ensure the Apples can stay in the house," Twilight said.

"And?" Celestia asked, but grinned to let Twilight think she'd gotten the most important points right.

Twilight's eyes crossed as she considered.

"Locks, security," Celestia said, "The last thing you want is some desperate pony slipping in there and getting a hoof on something dangerous. Like the rifle he used on those plants. Or the light powder he blinded the Diamond Dogs with."

"Or the cinemas he showed us." Twilight nodded. "I think I'll need a few of the Guard. Are you going to go back through the doors to your quarters?"

"The doors no longer exist," Celestia said, relaying one of the more disturbing reports she'd received.

"How could he unmake them?" Twilight asked, "Discord made them. As crazy as Discord is, he doesn't make things that fragile."

"However he did it, he did, and I doubt there's anything I could do," Celestia said, "I can travel straight through and come in through the caverns under Canterlot. If we could control them, the bandits could travel the same way."

"I think that's a bad idea," Twilight offered and scuffed a hoof on the ground.

Nervous about offending her princess, Celestia thought, And he wonders why I did what I did. As an alien, I was a person. As Princess, I'm only a thing. I don't even mind that he hates me. At least if he hates me, then he cares.

"I agree, but it is a possibility," she said, "You should spend some time with your brother, before we return to the capital."

"Really?" Twilight asked, her spirits rising, "You wouldn't mind?"

"No, go and have fun," Celestia said. She waited until Twilight was gone to look around, and ignore the feeling of the walls closing in on her.
------------------------------

The flash of green fire ended the screaming and the convulsions. Dinky and Derpy held Sapphire as she breathed. "Srrry," the changeling said between clenched teeth, "Hzz ta alien. All hurzz."

The Big Guy touched her, and she felt his affection as Dinky and Derpy practically poured out theirs to her. He said something apologetic. She nodded in response.

"I'm sorry," Dinky said, "I thought if you could become him, you could talk to him." She nuzzled the changeling.

"It was like being on fire and running for your life all at once," Sapphire admitted. She looked at the Big Guy. "How, why are you still alive?" she asked as Dinky and Derpy helped her to her feet.

Hotaru told him something which made him laugh. Then he told Hotaru something which laid the huge dog's ears back and caused her to back up a pace, though there was nothing in his tone or expression that seemed threatening.

"What did he say?" Derpy asked.

Hotaru glanced from him to her, and back several times. Finally she explained, "He said that she finally understands the human condition. Not exactly, but that's the meaning."

"That doesn't sound so scary," Dinky said, "What scared you?"

"I said what I meant," Hotaru said and followed them, she kept glancing behind her back to him.
------------------------------

Celestia stared at the bare walls of the corridor between Ponyville and the caverns under Canterlot where the house remained. The two other doors, one leading to the passage between Luna's and Celestia's chambers, and the other leading to the city proper, were both gone. The magical structure hadn't been ripped or torn. The spells hadn't been neutralized and withered away. They looked as if they'd never existed at all. Even the natural patterns are what they should be for unenchanted materials, she thought and stepped back to look at the place, You had to cut us off completely. Are you planning never to return? Or is there something else you want?

She looked around for any clue to what had happened, but the patterns were all normal. How do I keep guessing so wrong about his reactions? Herbivore, carnivore, omnivore, builder, soldier, destroyer, I've known them all, yet my plans for him twist out of my control. If Discord were out and about I would say it was his doing, but the fragment has too little power to do this, the Big Guy has no magical strength, and none of our other enemies has the power and subtlety to do this. So how is it happening?

The walls gave her no answers, so she proceeded back to the door to Ponyville. The train would take a short while to load, and the trip back would give her time to think, both about what she'd do about all of this, and what she'd do to him for putting her in this position.
------------------------------

The ponies had clustered around him again, even Hotaru had made herself at home on the floor with them. Since the bed here was not Luna's it couldn't take the weight of two alicorns and everyone else. So they had dismantled the bed and assembled the mattresses and themselves on the floor. Sapphire was also being cuddled by Derpy and Dinky, which made the changeling oddly uncomfortable.

Be careful what you wish for, you may get it, he wished he could tell the changeling princess, Others have not enjoyed getting their wish as much.

He vaguely wondered what they'd do with their new found 'wealth' and 'fans'. I hope they enjoy them, he thought as he settled in to go to sleep, he'd already prepared a few surprises for Luna if and when she came looking for him.
------------------------------

Outside, two changelings stood by the garage door and concentrated. They felt the miasma inside and the emissions of a young queen with no hive to transmit her emotions to.

The older changeling had faded from snow-white of the younger to nearly gray. But she gave a fanged grin to the other. "Your sisters will know of this soon enough. And I need to tell Chrysalis to stick her ovipositor in a thunder head. Won't the queen be delighted?"

"You take too many chances, mother," the younger said.

"That's how you get and keep this job," the gray changeling said and led the younger away.
------------------------------

The sound in the kitchen woke him. The others were fast asleep, and Luna seemed to be keeping her distance, at least tonight. A quick survey by the moonlight streaming in the window showed him that Sapphire was missing.

She couldn't be betraying us, he thought idly, Who am I kidding? Of course she could, but I don't think she will. She's got a steady food supply, and the possibility of more political power siding with these other changelings than she'd get by selling us out.

He noted none of the ponies had entangled him. Dinky was occupying all the 'valence' slots on Derpy. Ditto for Woona and Celly. Hotaru opened her eyes briefly, and stared, then with a flash of white teeth, she settled back to go to sleep.

The Big Guy carefully stood and let the moonlight issuing in from various windows guide him through the house. The very faint clink of glass on glass, and a moan brought his attention to the kitchen and his instincts to high alert. Sapphire was trying to go through the cabinet full of empty jars and pull one out, without making any noise, which made it ten times louder than just grabbing one.

She set the jar down, she shivered, grabbing her gut with a foreleg and then looked at both gut and bottle. "Too small," she lamented, and squeaked as he turned on the lights.

"Would this be better?" he asked and set down a plastic tub that originally held 5 quarts of ice cream.

"Glass is better, but I can't be choosy, I'll need at least one MORE!" The way she squealed the last word and doubled over brought him forward. She waved him away. "You did this to me," she hissed angrily.

From the way she was crouched, he wasn't sure where the yellow fluid that streamed into the bucket was coming from. His imagination provided several alternatives, considering the changelings absorbed energy for food, and the drones were sterile, that left a lot of unused orifices and plumbing. That and the liquid wasn't merely yellow, but YELLOW!! As in screaming, grab you by the throat, you could see a drop in the bottom of a coal mine at midnight with your eyes gouged out yellow. She filled the bucket about two-thirds full, and slid it away. He slid another under her and saw she had an ovipositor or something similar as a source of the liquid.

"I was happily useless, the joke of the hive, now you made me miserably useless," she hissed.

I think 'let the hate flow through you' would have unfortunate implications right now, he thought, And what is going on? This can't be a dream. This is neither Luna's nor Discord's style.

"What exactly is my fault?" he asked as she began relaxing as she filled the second bucket. He put a lid on the first to keep it from spilling. The liquid was warm, warmer than her body temperature, and the outside of the container felt strange, almost inviting. He quashed the impulse to take a drink of the stuff. Despite the color and thickness, I can't decide if it smells like chicken soup, warm bread, or a whiskey sour. It's like it changes, weird.

"An infiltrator is supposed to take a guise and love is directed to that guise," she said, "But oh no, you couldn't just see the poor, scared pony, you had to look beneath and direct your love at me. Do you have any idea what you've done? Then you taught all the ponies to do the same. Do you understand what that's done to me?"

"Taught you how to understand and speak English for one thing," he replied as the flow slowed, then became an occasional drip.

"By the Hive," she whispered, more shocked than angry anymore, "And it's yellow."

"I think that requires a bit more fanfare than that," he replied, "What is it?"

"Why should you care?" she growled, then winced as the flow started again, "Can you stop that? I'm fine, just . . . quit caring about me for a while." She sighed. "I promise to explain, if you just stay curious, and not concerned."

"I apologize, and I'll do my best. Let's start with why you can speak English," he said,

"I don't speak English, you hear English because you're - my king," she said, "Male changelings, kings, are the only changelings who can give love to the queen, and they don't live long past the mating flight. But you bypassed that, so when I speak, you hear what I meant to say, and the same goes the other way. And you aren't going to have a mating flight, and you keep giving love to me, and taught the ponies to do the same." The flow had slowed to rapid drip.

He pulled out another bucket and lid and got it ready.

"The love that an infiltrator receives is directed at the disguise, and other than a small amount needed to live and perform magic, is transferred to the Queen and the Hive. When there's more love than the hive requires, it's stored as nectar. This stuff. Princesses like me can also make nectar, so can very experienced infiltrators. But it's usually green to orange, the closer to yellow, the better."

"But only a Queen can make yellow," he said.

"And only from very strong and very pure love," Sapphire said, and gasped as the flow resumed steadily and increased.

Dinky and Derpy approached, looking worried about Sapphire and her nocturnal problem.

"At least we'll have something to barter with, changeling currency," Sapphire said, "In buckets." She laughed mirthlessly, then waved back Derpy and Dinky's approach.

"This is normal, I'm all right, just a little bloated. I'll be fine," she explained. Dinky and Derpy sat on either side of the Big Guy. "Normally all this would go to feed a hive, and this much would have made everyone ecstatic, but it seems I don't have one. My mother must have officially cast me out. So it's got nowhere to go, except out as nectar. But this is completely normal, and as I said, the yellower it is, the more potent and thus more valuable."

Derpy asked a question.

"Think of a cup of that as a bushel basket of bits. A drop could feed a healthy changeling for a week, or restore a near dead one to full health in hours."

Dinky exclaimed her amazement. Then the little unicorn continued in the same vein, and Sapphire's eyes bugged out even more.

"Bigger buckets," the changeling managed before the ponies glomped onto her, and the flow resumed.

" 'What are you gonna do with 200 million dollars in the bank?'" the Big Guy quoted Under Siege, " 'Buy the Presidency.'"

Sapphire glared at her for a moment, then relaxed in the two ponies' grip.

Next Chapter: 29) What Shall the Darkness See? Estimated time remaining: 16 Hours, 19 Minutes
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