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Cultural Artifacts

by Dan_s Comments

Chapter 20: 20) What Did the Animals Say?

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Dan's Comments

Cultural Artifacts - What Did the Animals Say?

DISCLAIMER: My Little Pony is the property of Hasbro, Inc.

Day 32

Have to admit, the Big Guy thought as he lay on the bunk, his hands manacled behind him, his feet chained to a staple driven into the wall, The place has improved. The padded restraints are almost kinky, rather than forbidding. I keep imagining Celestia walking in, carrying a riding crop and wearing a costume that's all straps and buckles, that can't decide if it's body armor or lingerie.

He ignored the sound of Discord trying to beat a similar image out of his head and turned slightly to face the cell's only other occupant. Although why they have a rat in a cage inside a cell escapes me.


Princess Celestia was having difficulty keeping a straight face. The panic that spread among the nobility, that the Big Guy had gone out and lectured Discord, had subdued or removed the persistent sniping about the foal that had been the reason for the gathering, and the current dinner, in the first place. She looked down the long banquet hall table and considered.

They act like he would have broken Discord out of his prison and loosed him on them, Celestia thought of the whispered comments up and down the table. She wanted to giggle at the absurdity of their comments and speculations. Better to let them run rampant, she thought, Rather than let them drift back to what they have been complaining about for a week.

The foal was trying a selection of more easily digestible foods, and seemed to be having a good time looking at all the new people. Scattered in small groups down the table were the Bearers, the Big Guy's group and some of their friends and family. Surrounded by ponies who are not their friends, not mine either, Celestia thought as she watched the interaction of the nobles and the others.

I wonder if getting arrested was his plan to avoid being here, Celestia thought. If that's the case, I must compliment him. She picked at her food, and listened to the ponies around her.

She glanced at Luna who was keeping a weather eye on her foal and the nearest of the society brats.

"Cadence hasn't really recovered?" Luna asked in a whisper.

"Yes, and Shining Armor is with her," Celestia whispered back, "Although if she's sandbagging, I'd hardly blame her."

Luna nodded and signaled one of the servers for more boiled carrots and Brussel sprouts. The little foal seemed to enjoy those the most. "What do you suppose Blueblood is doing right now?" Luna whispered.

"If he had any brains, he'd be enjoying not having to be here," Celestia whispered back.

They both snickered at the thought.


"Zo mama ask Cousin Gonk, you not put entire salami on display did you?" Igor said, "Cousin Gonk not shtupid, he shake head, 'only enough to win ma'."

The more adult audience at the evening performance roared with laughter. The few foals in the audience tried to puzzle out what all the adults thought was so funny.

Trixie smiled at the good counterpoint to the more serious aspects of their act. "All right, have you got the Cabinet of Death ready?"

"Cabinet of Doom, Cabinet of Desolation, Cabinet of Despair, Cabinet of Death, yep, hyi gots!" Igor said happily, then frowned, "We gots some really unhappy cabinet me tink."

"They know the price of failing the Great and Powerful Trixie!" she announced and pseudofireworks burst overhead.

"Da, ve eats dem," Igor said and wheeled the large cabinet out.

"What is that atop it?" Trixie demanded.

"Oh, gots dis in Ponyville. Is teeth on chain dat spins round and cuts like saw," Igor said happily as he lifted the chainsaw.

"Ah, a driven chain that acts like a saw," Trixie said as she opened the cabinet, one of the 'saws the woman in half' style, and laid down inside. "What do you call it?" she asked and grinned at the audience.

"Alfred," he replied and fired up the chainsaw.

Trixie facehoofed, missing that he was putting on his goggles, which were so covered with red they were piratically opaque. The crowd screamed as he revved the chainsaw and sliced through the cabinet with a single quick stroke. Trixie's clenched teeth didn't help matters.

Once it was done, Trixie kept smiling and wiggling her hooves through the gaps in the box. Igor had several thin metal plates he slid into the brackets in the cabinet. He split the cabinet in half so Trixie's head was beside her rear feet.

"Now ve's put you togezer," Igor said, placing the half next to each other and pulled out a plate. "Oops."

" 'Oops!' What do you mean 'Oops'?" Trixie shouted at her hapless assistant. She frowned and her horn glowed brilliantly. Igor pulled out the rest of the plates.

Trixie threw open the cabinet and leapt down. The audience gasped in horror. Trixie looked down and saw the zipper running around her barrel where the saw had 'cut'. She glared at Igor. He put the cabinet between them and grinning nervously, retreated off stage.

"You can fix, da? You is Great and Powerful Trixie, da?" Igor said as he backed out of sight.

"Yes, not the Great and Powerful Zipsie!" The curtain came down to riotous laughter as Trixie stalked after him.


Celly was glad she had only the barest understanding of the ponies around her. She knew the players, and more than recognized the tone and little asides to the others in their clique. Woona was a short distance down the table, and weathering the storm nearly as well as Celly was. The talk swirled around both of them. It was the other Ponyvillians and a few of the Canterlot elites who were curdling with every verbal dagger that Celly and Woona were ostensibly ignoring.

"They seem to think themselves very clever," Celly said, and giggled when Woona also laughed.

She patted one of the most venomous harridans on the head and snickered again. The elderly mare looked utterly mortified, her fellow biddies seemed to suddenly find the food, and stuffing their mouths with it as fast as dignity permitted, of paramount importance. Celly gave the target a wintery smile, of a tolerant parent near the edge of that tolerance. Then she looked away, as if the pony was of no importance and began digging into her own food.

She noted the approving look on Celestia's face.

Someone really needs to stomp on them, hard, Celly considered, Must be why he decided to get locked up. Too much temptation for him, and especially, Discord.


Trixie looked at the pile of bits. More than enough to buy her wagon twice over. "I've never had a show that paid that much," she whispered.

Blueblood was still in his 'camouflage' colors, but he was no longer 'Igor' and his VanHoover accent was manageable. "Enjoy it," he said, "I can suggest a few good investment firms."

"I frankly want to pour it on my bed and roll around in it," she admitted, "And a good portion of this is yours. After the matinee, the word of mouth sold out the theater. So many ponies, come to see, well, us."

"Glad I could help. But I hope you aren't going to extend our stay. We have other play dates, and the reputation is preceding us," he said.

"I agreed to two days, and requested a pegasus team to fly us to the next town. That puts our arrival on the same day we'd get there walking," Trixie said.

"In future, I'd rather walk. I've flown over a lot of Equestria, never feeling the soil beneath my hooves. I know there's nothing magical about getting dirty. But there's nothing magical about seeing everything laid out like a canvas unrolled beneath you either," Blueblood said.

"I would have paid for a pegasus team for that run anyway," Trixie admitted, "It's bandit country. I might bring the Big Guy and a platoon of soldiers hidden in the wagon, but just you and me, I wouldn't risk it. But the trip to Las Pegasus, I'll let you walk through the forests. That is beautiful country."

"Thank you."

"Investing, going to banks, getting drafts to buy food clothing, replacement props. I never thought I'd see that day," Trixie said.

"New worlds opening for both of us," Blueblood said, and gave a depreciating smile, "Where'd you come up with the zipper idea?"

"Same time you decided to use the chainsaw," Trixie said, "I think we gave the audience a big enough shock."

"You shocked me," he admitted. He glanced around the cramped dressing room. "Maybe I should sleep in the wagon."

"I had the stage hands bring one of the fold-down bunks from the wagon." Trixie's horn glowed and the bunk unfolded beside Blueblood. "You're too much of a gentlestallion to take advantage of a lady," Trixie said, then frowned. "Or whatever it is I am," she added quietly.

"I've had quite enough of those 'gentlemares' who were anything but. You don't fit into their world, and for that, you should get down on your knees and thank Celestia. They can't even smile, without a dozen other ponies trying to figure out the ulterior motive behind it. It's a rare pony who can be in that life without artifice as complicated as your stage shows. I couldn't manage it. Sparkle was utterly clueless, so they assumed she had to be Celestia's masterspy. Nopony could be so gormless, it had to be a front of utmost cunning."\

Trixie snorted at that as Blueblood settled into the bed.

"What a world," Trixie said, "At least I can stop having to be 'The Great and Powerful Trixie' occasionally."

"I had to go to great lengths to stop being 'Prince Blueblood, Royal Embarrassment'. Thank you for letting me," he said.

"You're welcome." She watched him settle into sleep, and discarded the first thought that occurred to her. Not because it couldn't happen, and that they couldn't make it work.

But it's not fair to put him in a cage again, after he's just learned that he can fly, she thought, And I don't think I want to put myself in the same cage. Friends is good enough for now. She slipped into her own bed and soon was asleep and dreaming of cuddling with a pile of other ponies.


Woona opening the cell door, with Shining Armor and a handful of guards with near-murderous expressions was a guaranteed way to go from full rest, to maximum wakefulness and combat readiness.

Even the rat whose obsessive wheel squeaking had faded into background noise froze at the arrival of these ponies and the aura they were all exuding.

"How much trouble am I in, and is mercy even allowed?" he asked in all seriousness.

"It isn't for you," Woona said as she touched her horn to the manacles, unlocking them all. "In fact, you are one of the five individuals on Equestria who could not possibly be guilty. Game face, nopony is happy right now."

"Okay," he said as he followed Shining Armor's curt gestures with alacrity.

"Luna was off showing Celly about raising the moon," Woona said and glanced about nervously. "Selene was in Celestia's lap, I was doing the ear thing Selene finds so hilarious. And our marvelous new foal announced, quite loudly, a new word she'd picked up. Now she already spoke her first word: 'Luna', several days ago, but this one was ever so special."

"Unless it was in English, I can't help you," he admitted and risked a glance at the soldier ponies around him. They were trying, and failing to keep their anger from falling on him, but with so much of it, he was getting a slight dusting none the less.

"While Celly and Luna were watching the moon rise, little Selene Dreamer announced loudly enough to be heard over the thrum of conversation 'abomination' or something very similar."

I didn't do it! Discord insisted.

"I wonder where she picked that up?" he said, keeping his tone level.

"Celestia's very question," Woona said, "Considering the dead silence that surrounded Selene's demonstration, everypony in the hall heard it. Celly, Luna and Selene retired to Luna's quarters. Celestia is presiding over the Night Court, and it was agreed, she needs a distraction."

"And you thought of me to disarm the genuinely miffed, hydrogen bomb. Dear me suds, how can I ever repay you?" he asked.

"You keep her from vaporizing half the nobles in Canterlot, that'll be payment enough," Woona said in all seriousness, "And before you say 'they deserve it', even she can't get just the ones who do. The blameless and their families don't deserve that, and the Princess doesn't deserve to have her reign marked with a reign of terror."

"Okay, one distraction, have you got that pronunciation guide Celly was working on?" he asked.

"No, but I've got until you reach the throne room to get it," Woona said as she took to the air and raced off.

"Terrific, the one MOS so dangerous that I and every noncom with a brain stayed away from, staff officer," he said quietly.


The emptiness of the throne room highlighted how big it was. The crowds that would separate it into more manageable, often disconnected pieces, were not in evidence. The guards were against the wall and attempted desperately to blend into the background. The light into the whiteness of the marble and the night into the shadows. None looked at the deadly gorgon atop the throne for fear of the baneful gaze.

Celestia sat on the throne, her expression peaceful and serene. Her mane however looked more like a roiling thunderstorm than it's more usual placid cloudiness. None of the usual accompaniments: the bearers, a crowd of suppliants and functionaries, or even her royal family were in evidence. Her gaze tracked across the room, nearly leaving a scorched path through the stone.

Woona withstood the gaze as it fell upon her. She bowed in deference to the ruler of the hall. The Big Guy bowed also, but held the Diarch's gaze. He would grant her due respect, but would quail for none. Celestia, for her part, seemed somewhat relieved by this.

"Greetings Princess Celestia, if it pleases you, we would like your assistance in a project to assist the understanding between our groups. If at any time your attention is required elsewhere, we would accept the help we have received and withdraw," Woona said and projected the words in Equestrian over her head.

Celestia nodded, but seemed relieved at the distraction. The pair approached with the large paper bearing the characters in Equestria script. On another paper, they carried the guide to the pronunciation of word/phonemes in English. Celestia gestured them forward with her wings, and indicated they should sit on either side of her.

They sat a slight but respectful distance from her. Celestia was having none of that, she gathered both in with her wings until they pressed slightly against her. There they could feel her trembling. A small table moved to position itself in front of them and they laid down their papers. Celestia's wings continued cupping them as they began their work.

"A as in cap, or act," the Big Guy said.

Woona indicated the Equestrian equivalents. Celestia made the Equestrian sounds, but only the stresses described made any sense. Woona noted the findings.

"A as in air or dare," the Big Guy said.

Woona searched for the characters.


Day 33

The two had fallen asleep almost an hour earlier. Woona was still young and rebuilding her strength after disposing of her Nightmare Moon. The Big Guy was not an immortal. Celestia still held them in her wings.

I have to admit, I do feel better, she thought and looked up to see Celly and Luna enter.

"Rarity and the Apples are looking after Selene," a red-eyed Luna said. The matted fur under her eyes said she'd been crying. She glanced around and smiled, "Did you leave any of them alive?"

"There is always that pardon. Perhaps I should invite them all in for a chat, and tear it up in front of them," Celestia replied, adding her smile to her sisters.

"Just don't say 'I shouldn't have gotten angry'," Luna said, "Or it will hurt my feelings. And you aren't to blame. They have lived too long with nothing to fear, so they fear nothing."

"Are you saying they should?" Celestia asked in a faintly disapproving tone.

"I am saying that you have allowed them to be without fear, but they have not become fearless and striven against all barriers, they have become childish and mutter against all that threatens their privileges. They do not choose to earn real things, so they squabble over trinkets they've convinced themselves matter. A dose of reality is what they need, and a painful one."

"I'm not sure I like doing that," Celestia said.

"You've got all the ingredients under you wings right now," Luna said and pointed with her wing. "There are more ways to deliver reality than you might think. You needn't do anything more than aim."

"It's too tempting," Celestia admitted. "Much too tempting."

"They won't hurt them, if that's what worries you. She will do as I would, while he's too afraid of what you and I will do in response," Luna pointed out.

"That almost makes it worse," Celestia admitted sourly.


The group who exited the door back into Ponyville, as the first hints of sun light lit the horizon, were far less enthusiastic than the group who'd left. The Apples parted ways as Applejack headed home with Applebloom.

"That certainly was interesting," Rarity said sourly as she steadied the still sleepy Sweetie Belle on her back. "The best thing about those high-class affairs, is how they make me long to return here."

Rainbow yawned and staggered into the sky.

"Good bye all," Fluttershy said, "I think it was fun." She headed off home.

The Big Guy 'adjusted' Twilight so she was aimed at the library and not back to the door.

"Gee, thanks," she replied to his 'help' and walked towards her goal, and bed.

The group withdrew as Pinkie stood in the predawn darkness, staring at the door and considering something. They closed the door and left her there. The Big Guy and Woona had gotten more sleep than the others, so they made sure everyone inside the house was tucked in. The Big Guy walked out the back door and looked at the rock formations. "What a mess," he said quietly as Woona fluttered around him.

"I take it that idiots are not as common in your world?" Woona asked.

"They are as common, I just don't understand why the natural dangers haven't thinned the herd a bit more here. Then again, maybe they have been. I remember an Ian Hogg comment about why the most powerful empire the world had seen, up to that point, lost control of a small rebellious colony. 'Because the most prize pack of military dunderheads were running the thing.' Same thing here. Most of these nobles have no couth and less sense. You don't say things around little kids you don't want them repeating."

"Personal experience?" Woona asked.

"Loads of it on raising kids," he replied. "Including a fair amount after I was skilled enough to write a book on it as a manufacturing process. What were they thinking? Were they thinking?"

"They're probably the same ingrates I dealt with a thousand years ago. And you know how that turned out."

He nodded. "How long should I let them sleep? Although Dinky's got school in a few hours."

"Wake Dinky and Derpy, then let the others sleep," Woona said. She turned as he headed in. "Leave the door, I want to watch the sun come up."

"Sure." He closed but didn't lock the French doors.

"Yes, what were they thinking?" Woona asked as the light of the sun began to illuminate the large crystal adoring the wall.


Bonbon looked at the mass of undissolved spices at the bottom of the mix bowl. "Augh, why won't this work?" she asked nopony in particular. Then she yawned enormously. "Too much excitement last night."

Lyra poked her head into the shop's kitchen where Bonbon mixed the sweets she sold that gained her the nickname 'Sweety Drops'. "Hi, I know you told me you didn't want my help, but I thought you might want someone who could help," Lyra offered carefully.

"NO magic," Bonbon insisted, "It makes the candy taste, off."

The Big Guy entered, crouching low for the pony-scale ceiling.

"Fingers aren't going to help," Bonbon sighed while trying to rein in her temper.

He put a mane-net over his hair and peered into the bowl. Inside were the small leaves and bits of crystals that were trapped in a matrix of melted and resolidified sugar. He touched the side of the bowl, and yanked his fingers back and shook his hand.

"Yeah, it melted and resolidified," she said angrily, "The mortar and pestle didn't grind the spices up either. I thought the mixer with just a bit of sugar would do the job." She crossed her eyes. "I must be tired, I'm expecting you to understand."

He frowned and stared at the mix, then dug through the bowls in the kitchen's cupboard until he found one slightly larger than the mix bowl. That one, he filled with an ice and salt mixture. Then he put the smaller mix bowl inside the larger bowl and the entire assembly under the heavy mixer. Bonbon watched as he concentrated on holding the bowl, and 'pulsing' the mixer. Once he'd broken the crystallized sugar up, he had the mixer running more slowly than Bonbon had been. He stopped and changed the water out and replaced it with ice-salt twice, but by the end, he'd ground the spices small enough to add to Bonbon's newest confections.

"Does he have to be better than everybody at everything?" Bonbon asked Lyra.

"He isn't competing," Lyra replied softly, "He's trying to help." Lyra nuzzled her. "Besides, he didn't pick the spices, he just helped you prepare them."

"Yeah, I guess. I'll bring over a few of the new batch," Bonbon said and yawned again.

"You might also use them as an 'exchange' to go through his cupboards. After all, alien, they might have a few ideas about candy that you haven't had." Lyra giggled at Bonbon's vexed expression. "Rarity is stealing ideas from his people, why not you?"

Bonbon grudgingly nodded. "Why don't we get lunch?" She removed the apron and mane-net as she put her 'out to lunch' sign in the window. "So, what do you think about the spate of Rainbow rescues?"

"I'm wondering why the things are happening," Lyra admitted, "It's like somepony's sneaking around and setting up these problems."

"Rainbow wouldn't," Bonbon said.

The scream of terror brought them around. The baby carriage racing down the road. Bonbon looked in terror, then ran beside him as he moved to intercept it. A faint glow was already surrounding it as the pair caught up and brought it to a halt. As the mother charged towards them, Bonbon noticed him withdrawing, leaving her to deal with the emotional mother.

"Oh thank you, thank you Sweetie Drops, thank you!" Stardust Sprinkle gushed as she cuddled her foal and hugged Bonbon. Lyra trotted up with a very pleased expression on her face.

I would have just stood there, if he hadn't . . . I guess predator chases prey, but that gave me 'permission' to act, Bonbon thought, And Lyra.

Lyra waited for the mother and child to depart to point out, "See, having him around is a good thing. Ponies do stuff when they see others doing it. And he just jumps in to help."

You say that as if it were always a good thing, Bonbon thought as she accepted the hug from Lyra, What I also noticed was he withdrew when he realized who the mother was. Does he know about our plan, or does he just recognize one of the ponies who doesn't like him? She looked up at him and nodded. He nodded back.

"Let's go get lunch," Bonbon said, "Now I'm hungry."

"Are you sure it's food you're hungry for?" Lyra cooed.

Bonbon blushed furiously. He waved to them and headed off.

"Told you he'd be useful with you chasing around," Lyra said and bumped her flank into Bonbon's. Lyra ran her nose through Bonbon's coat. "All sweaty and full of spices. I know what I want for lunch."

"You're incorrigible," Bonbon complained.

"The word is insatiable," Lyra replied and guided Bonbon back towards their house.


Discord, have you noticed all the 'disasters' cropping up lately? he asked in his head as he walked along noting the sites of other Rainbow/Mare-Do-Well rescues.

"I had nothing to do with that!" Discord insisted.

I wasn't accusing you of anything, he replied, It was an observation. What's gotten in to you? I wouldn't punish you for a thing you haven't done, unless you failed to do something you should. I just don't remember so many mundane disasters. It's like I've suddenly stepped into Metropolis or Gotham City where the people are all stupid and expect someone to leap out to save them. A little attention to your surroundings and some preventive maintenance would deal with lots of these problems.

"It's HANDYMAN Maintenance Worker Supreme!" Discord thundered.

"Doesn't roll off the tongue," Tom added, "Dry rot is a cowardly lot, so I must strike fear in them. Oh, a spanner on the ground, I shall become Spannerama!"

Nope, doesn't work for me either, he agreed, I think I'll finish up the survey. If I can find that third tree, or cluster of trees, then I can start laying the ground work on what we do with them.

"Don't you want to go watch Lyra and Bonbon?" Discord asked.

No.

"It would be educational," Discord added.

Don't really need that education, thank you, he replied, Derpy's still in the tentative, exploratory stage, and Celly's still underage and overly hormonal.

"Not for very much longer, I think," Tom answered, "You have two weeks, three at the outside, before that obstacle is cleared. And your assertion that it's just her hormones talking is going to be in for a nasty shock."

Woona's still the only one who's mastered that transformation spell, he thought, I don't think Celly's magical reserves and mastery are up to it. But I agree, that only pushes it out a week or two. That's still a minimum of three weeks. We'll see what she does when she's no longer a teenager. The problem may solve itself. After lunch I'm heading out to find those trees, you wanna come with?

"Oh ha ha," Discord said.


Glory looked around the facility. The one that had been specifically created to serve the needs of their guest from another world, but had rarely had him as a customer, and had not been able to determine enough of his diet to even begin to offset any deficiencies in it. She sighed and wrote.
Dear Uncle,

I hope things find you well. I guess I have to report that our efforts here are a complete failure. Our 'client' has come to us on only a few occasions. Our attempts to determine his dietary requirements have come to naught, as the group living with him have complicated observing him shopping to a tremendous degree. Also what he serves them is pony-standard, then what he eats privately they don't observe. That's to say nothing of the communication problem, which still hasn't been overcome.

I am not complaining about our lack of success, but asking for advice. The original plan to entice him in seems to have come a cropper. While the ponies in his group are enthusiastic, he doesn't seem to be. Whether it is privacy, or that the food doesn't taste good, he has shown a distinct avoidance of both our operation and most of the local restaurants. But it has no way reduced his shopping for raw ingredients from many of the local shops.

I have confirmed with 'Svetlana' that he is depleting his stores of meat from the cold storage in his home. Perhaps that is the reason: he wants to use up his stores before they spoil.

In any case, I would ask for some advise on our situation. Gentle persuasion has not been successful. Brute force has also been shown to be an unsuccessful tactic. Trying to improve communications seems to be the best route to success. I feel I am missing something both so basic and so world-shaking that I cannot see what it is.
Glory Belle.

She sealed the letter and placed it out where the mail mare could pick it up. Then she spotted the subject of her actions headed on the path to the Everfree Forest.

"Forget-me-nots, come on, I think we have a chance to observe him alone," she called as she raced to get her own pack and gear.

"Be ready in a moment," the small pegasus called back.

Glory considered other ways they could get their job done. Beyond asking all the ponies and griffons in his household, because that's worked so well, she thought.


Fluttershy nearly screamed in panic at what she saw on her rounds to her forest friends. She was only able to damp it to a squeak when she realized a scream would only make the situation worse. She spotted Glory and Forget-me-nots approaching and preparing to intervene. She signaled them to stay down. There's nothing they can do, she nearly whimpered as she hid behind a tree and watched. She gnawed her hooves as the manticore crept closer to the Big Guy. I can't watch, she thought and whimpered.


The shout far behind him caused him to turn. How did it get -? he thought as his eyes widened on the massive creature less than a dozen feet away. Instincts took over and had him grabbing for his pistol. The roar knocked him over and sent him stumbling down the slope, then rolling through the underbrush, and into the small stream.

The manticore stood at the top of the slope grinning ear-to-ear. He climbed out of the stream, checked that the gun was still dry.

'Don't shoot him,' Fluttershy seemed to be saying as she interposed herself in his line of fire. She put her hooves together as if in prayer and seemed to add a 'Please' and a hopeful grin.

"I was just checking my equipment," he replied, and reholstered the pistol once he'd determined that was still dry too. The same could not be said for his boots, or his other arm.

The manticore seemed to laugh as it looked down at him, and trotted off. He briefly considered following it and 'explaining' his feelings on the little joke. He glanced at the still prayful Fluttershy and decided the manticore would get away with it this time.

He shook his head. "I'm not killing him over a practical joke," he said, in what he hoped was a reassuring tone.

Although locking him in a room with Rainbow Dash does have a certain appeal, he thought, Back to finding the other trees. I just hope I don't run into any more comedians.

Fluttershy arrived a moment later as he squelched onto a dry patch of the forest floor and seated himself on an upraised rock. She handed him his pack and watched as he pulled a dry pair of socks from the pack to replace the wet ones he was wearing.

Fluttershy seemed to be trying to apologize and explain the creature's behavior. But stopped when he took off his shoes and socks.

What, oh, she's rarely seen my bare feet, and not under decent light before. Considering I usually had socks on when I go to bed, most of my 'harem' has either, he realized as the timid pegasus looked at the structure and shape.

When she began gently wiggling his toes, he had an overwhelming urge to gasp in shock and 'hide' them from her. No, funny as it would be, it wouldn't be fair to her, he thought, Maybe a little. He clamped both hands over his mouth when she wiggled his little toe.

When she stopped and blushed, he waved for her to continue. She did so, very cautiously. After a very careful range of motion examination, she molded his hand into a fist and pointed to his feet. He clenched his toes, then used them to pick up a wet sock and move it.

What's the fascination with hands and feet? he wondered, Griffons, Diamond Dogs and dragons all have hands and feet, rather than hooves. Dinky has a good reason to curl up with them. The fuzzy, little furnace gets all tucked in by her momma, overheats and throws off all the covers, then get cold. But curled up with my chilly feet, she sleeps through the whole night. And so do I.

Fluttershy finished, nodded her thanks and made her way off through the forest.

She also checked that her friend had left, so there wouldn't be any mischief. From either side, he thought as he put the dry socks on and the replaced his boots on his feet. After a moment to confirm his path, he continued forward. He paused to take a photo. When he looked at the picture, he removed the tripod and mounted the camera to it, while he set the UV filter on the camera. He took the picture again. Hmm, those blue flowers have Nistag's writing on them. I wonder if I'm on the right course.


Trixie had a volunteer from the matinee audience up on stage 'learning' magic. "Just tap the rings, and concentrate. The rings will pass seamlessly through each other," she told the excited filly. A short distance away, Igor had his own set of rings.

"One, two, three!" Trixie intoned and the filly tapped one ring against another. The rings interpenetrated without a hitch. The filly gasped and gleefully bounced around the stage with the interlinked rings in hoof.

Igor's ring had bounced off, and gotten around his neck. Then he'd managed to get the second ring caught on a leg, linked to the one around his neck. After straining for a moment, and a massive horn glow, he had three linked rings binding all four of his legs together, one ring around his neck, a fifth linking them together and sixth bent double clamping his mouth closed.

The filly had come to a halt as she focused on Igor's predicament. Trixie 'followed her gaze' and stared at the trapped unicorn carefully toe-walking towards them.

"That's why the Great and Powerful Trixie puts up with him. He's quiet," she said. The crowd laughed. "Plus, Trixie wonders what damage he'd do to the surrounding community without her." Her horn glowed.

Igor, now had just two rings, one in each forehoof. He collapsed to the stage with a thankful sigh.

"How did you do that?" Trixie removed the rings and spun them, proving they were solid. "They shouldn't do that." She tapped the rings on the stage, and suddenly there were ten of them. "You left them in the closet with the coat hangers, didn't you!?" Trixie angrily accused.

Igor covered his head with his hooves and whimpered pathetically.

"No, it has to be done. The Cabinet of Despair!" Trixie intoned.

Igor glanced at her then whimpered and covered his head with his hoofs.

"Now," Trixie intoned.

Without standing up, Igor crawled off stage. Trixie led the excited filly back to her family. When she returned to the stage, there was the tall cabinet, and the basket of swords. Some were straight, others curved. Igor was curled up in a ball in front of the cabinet.

"In," Trixie ordered.

Igor, very reluctantly, stepped inside.

"This cabinet, obtained by the greatest sorcery in all the world," Trixie said as she locked the cabinet and rotated it 90 degrees. She hoofed it to show it's solidity. She turned it another 90 degrees. "And utterly inescapable without tremendous mystical powers and superb training."

The audience laughed as Igor bolted out of the cabinet and through the back stage curtain.

Trixie looked at the audience in confusion, then rotated the front to face front. "And I thought he wasn't paying attention," she admitted. The audience roared.

Trixie stepped into the cabinet, and with a gesture sealed the door. The glow around the basket disgorged the swords, which surrounded the cabinet, and they all plunged in at once.

The audience gasped in horror, joined by Igor, "Trixie!" he shouted and raced on stage and began pulling the swords out of the cabinet. After three or four had been removed Trixie walked out from the wings, and began nonchalantly collecting the swords and placing them back in their basket.

"Trixie!" Igor shouted as he yanked open the cabinet.

Trixie winked to the audience and stepped behind the cabinet. She kept it between the two of them as Igor raced around it.

"Trixie!" he shouted as he 'explored' the small interior of the cabinet. As he distraughtly stumbled out, he lamented, "Whatever shall I do?"

"The show must go on," Trixie called from behind the cabinet, and flipped her hat so it landed in front of him.

He reverently picked it up. "The show must go on," he said tremulously. "I am the Mighty and Mysterious Trixie!"

"IGOR!" Trixie roared.

"Yes, the Mighty and Mysterious Igor, ready to dazzle vith magic never see before pony eyes!" He held up his forelegs, and the hoofs burst into flame. After a brief panic, he rubbed them together and smothered it. "Heh, heh!"

Then he smiled. "I now summon ze most eeeevil creature in Equestria und vorce him to return Trixie to us, da?" Igor shouted.

"No!" Trixie and some of the audience shouted.

"I most!" he intoned. A cloud of smoke later, Blueblood stared at the audience and sneered.

"Bring him back!" Trixie charged out from behind the cabinet and insisted.

"Certainly, magician, beat me at a magic trick," Blueblood sneered.

Trixie settled her hat on her head. "Very well."

Blueblood pulled a deck of cards from somewhere. "Pick a card, any card," he offered a fan of cards to Trixie.

She selected one and he held up the fan so the audience could see they were all the ace of spades. "Your card is the -" Blueblood began, ignoring the calls that he was cheating, and other warnings to Trixie, "The ace of spades!"

"No," Trixie said flatly. She held the card up. "This deck of Canterlot Joke-o-cards guaranteed to be free of defects or your money back." She showed him the card.

A cloud of smoke later, Igor lay curled up on the stage. "Dey vere punnies, everywhere," he whimpered.

"Yes, yes, it was just a bad dream," Trixie patted him on the head.

"Vat ve doin' on stage," Igor asked.

"You were sweeping up," Trixie said.

"For a audience?" Igor asked and looked around.

"Performance art," Trixie said and shrugged to the audience.

"I get my broom," Igor shouted, "Or was it without?"

"Without. Earlier you were planting crops, with no plants," Trixie said, "Remember."

"Igor was planting a mime field?" he asked.

The curtain came down.


"You two are certainly looking chipper today," Twilight said as she welcomed Lyra and Bonbon to the library.

"I just had my favorite lunch," Lyra said, and ignored Bonbon's snort. "It takes a bit to warm it up properly, but when you do, best ever."

"Maybe you could invite me over next time," Twilight said, "I always like trying new things." Twilight looked from the grinning unicorn to the seriously blushing earth pony, then back again.

She had no idea why the pair of them burst out laughing. She was even more alarmed when Spike started laughing as well.

"Considered how she did in the running of the leaves," Bonbon choked out, "Maybe she could help."

Lyra and Bonbon were lost to hysterics for a moment.

" 'Running of the Leaves'?" Twilight asked, "What does that have to do with cooking?"

Lyra tried to explain, but just broke down laughing. She managed to pull the two scrolls out of her pack and present them to Twilight, before dissolving in giggles.

"Is this what I think it is?" Twilight asked as she revealed the Equestria characters, and their monster equivalent, and the other scroll which reversed the comparison. "Yes!" Twilight shouted.

She levitated the Monster to Equestria Dictionary and began looking at the paired words.

"Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!" Twilight shouted as she pronked around the library like an overly-caffeinated Pinkie Pie. She stopped in front of Spike and looked down at him.

He drew back suddenly and made a warding gesture. Bonbon and Lyra had fled.

"Spike, do you realize what this means!?" she asked, "His language and Equestria are similar enough that direct translation is possible!"

"So how come he can't speak it?" Spike asked as he looked at the fire extinguisher and sidled over towards it.

"Oh, the pronunciation has nothing in comparison, and the words will need fine tuning." Twilight rubbed her hooves gleefully. "But all the books in his library are mine for the reading!"

"Wahahahaha!" Spike said, before Twilight could. "There's just the little problem that they're his books."

"He wouldn't deny the advancement of science, philosophy and interspecies relations for something trivial like that, would he?" Twilight asked as she advanced, and Spike withdrew to the fire extinguisher.

"Ah, Twilight?" Derpy said as she nosed open the door. "There's some books here that Pinkie ordered from the Princess, but I can't find Pinkie, and someone has to sign for them."

"Pinkie ordered books from the Princess?" Twilight asked as she stalked towards Derpy, "Without talking to me, Celestia's number one student?"

"Sign here and I can give you the books," Derpy said and hoofed over the clipboard.

Twilight signed it and accepted the books. Derpy left with the clipboard. "What could Pinkie have been ordering?" Twilight asked, and looked at Spike, "What are you doing with the fire extinguisher."

"Preventive maintenance," he said and kept it in hand. "I guess those are the books she ordered for her 'friend', although I think her 'friend' is the Big Guy."

"Well, it's not as if we haven't got all the books he could need right here in the library," she said as she unwrapped them.

Then she started paging through them. Her eyes grew wider, while her pupils shrank to pin points. "Pinkies ordered these to give to the Big Guy," Twilight said, and emitted a nervous giggle. She tilted her head sharply. "Ponies can bend that way?" She flipped a few more pages. "A stallion can do that?" she asked as she paged through the lavishly illustrated and extremely detailed descriptions.

"Maybe you can translate that for him," Spike said helpfully as he put the fire extinguisher back on the wall bracket.

"Twil-slate, trans-ight, Spaklight, transkle," she said as she looked through the second book, its lavish illustrations, full color photography, very clear diagrams, and almost clinical prose. She carefully rewrapped the books, and sealed them with tape.

"They are book. Celestia knows book are here, and that Twilight sign for them," Twilight said, "Heh, heh, heh," she added. "I think Pinkie Pie definitely want will these books and . . . what Lyra had for lunch. Bonbons for main course and dessert! I know it. Heh, heh, heh." She shook herself and looked at Spike. "Please keep an eye on the library for a little while. I need a shower, if you haven't used up all the cold water. Heh, heh, heh." She levitated the books to a high shelf and cast a shield spell over them. "Pinkie asked Celestia for those books, and she delivered them. To me, for Pinkie, for the Big Guy. Heh, heh, heh." She walked up the stairs in a daze. "Pinkie asked Celestia for those books, and she delivered them. Heh, heh, heh."


He stood where the two lines converged. He'd dealt with the gorge surrounding the Castle of the Pony Sisters, which blocked the direct route to the target, by going around it. It had taken him several hours out of his way, but it had meant he didn't have to construct two bridges, when the gorge again cut back from his path and curved to continue as a 'moat' around the castle.

I wonder if that gorge goes all the way around, or if there's a land bridge to the castle, he considered as he completed his trek to the map location the two signals on the trees pointed to.

He looked at the ruined building in the middle of the woods. There was a scattering of pony corpses, most had moldered away to skeletons, but several of the more recent were not decaying normally.

I can't tell is they're dissolving, or fading out of existence, he thought as he looked at one that seemed to slowly change what was visible beneath the flesh as he walked around it. As if the missing skin were actually windows looking into the meat and bone a distance way. They also all seem to be that unicorn who was Trixie's boss. It's like she cloned an army and marched them across a minefield. Except they don't die and decay, they 'cease moving' then begin to 'cease to exist'.

The silence from Discord and Tom worried him. Excuse me, I'm not 'projecting' to you two just to hear myself think, he told them.

"Sorry," Tom piped up, "You remember how we were belittling your theory that someone or something was meddling with Ponyville, hence all the accidents lately?"

I remember it quite well, he replied.

"Well, we were rather hoping that this is where she was hiding and licking her wounds. That you've approached this close, without encountering any of the defenses that did in all those others indicates that your supposition is not as fanciful as we devoutly hoped," Tom explained.

Since she's not here, then she may be causing all the problems in Ponyville. But with Rainbow doing her Supermare act and 'Batmare' Do Well, no one has been hurt. So what does she gain? he wondered.

"Rainbow's sense of responsibility is her strength and her weakness," Discord said, "Her ego is the wedge to split those apart. Rainbow can be almost as good as she thinks she is. When she exerts herself. But she's extremely vulnerable to going overboard."

Are you telling me that this 'Mare-Do-Well' character is someone reacting to Rainbow's ego expansion? he thought, I was actually ready to accuse Celly of grandstanding. I mean aside from her, Woona, Luna and Cadence, there aren't that many spare, winged unicorns floating around. Or are you saying 'Mare-Do-Well' is Nightmare playing the hero in the limelight, and the villain in the shadows?

"I honestly don't know," Discord said, "You've never gotten close enough to get a good look at her. But the fact that Nightmare isn't here defending her temple implies she's ensconced somewhere else."

Could she be in someone? Could they hide their negative emotions long enough to enact a long-term plan? Legend has it that as soon as Nightmare took over Luna, the poor kid flipped virtually overnight, he thought, My experience with her does not mark her as a thoughtful or placid entity. She makes Rainbow Dash look like the Element of Patience by comparison.

Tom and Discord snickered at that.

"More important, she would hold the host in contempt, unless it was very powerful. Sparkle is about on the low end of acceptable." Tom waited for Discord's grunt of agreement. "Celly or Woona are better choices, and after their experiences, I can't see either of them teaming up with this place's Nightmare."

Could be someone who doesn't show their power? he thought, Rarity is more precision than power. Lyra, Trixie and Blueblood don't have the raw might. And if she'd go after non-magic users, Big Mac, Pinky and Applejack are the likeliest. They're still dealing with their parents from another world showing up. Frankly, I'm a better candidate than anyone besides them. My power would also run under the radar of the Pony Sister. I could build some pretty substantial devices, and I have access to a back way into Canterlot. A 240-mm mortar with a chemical warhead would deal with the Pony Sisters, at least long enough to cause a mass panic.

"Then the whole 'make eternal night' would be well on it's way," Tom said, agreeing in theory.

"So let's head back," he said quietly.

"Are we going to get back home before dark?" Tom asked.

"I doubt it," he said, "But we should have enough moon light to travel the last distance. I'm also not averse to using a light-amplification spell."

He shook his head. "I just wish the tinnitus and migraine light flashes would quit. The last thing I need is something sneaking up on me again." He stopped and looked around. "Maybe it was the roar. I wasn't having the problem before that."

"I don't remember you having that problem," Tom said.


Pinkie looked around the library. She saw the books she'd asked Princess Celestia to get for her. She approached the books, and had a net drop on her.

"Ah ha!" Twilight shouted as she leapt out of the closet.

Pinkie looked at the wild-eyed unicorn. "Hi Twilight," Pinkie said as she looked at the net. "This is a good trap," she told her.

"What is the meaning of this?" Twilight asked. She gestured at the wrapped books.

"Oh, I found a similar book in the Big Guy's house, so if Derpy and Celly are interested in him, he needed some instructions," Pinkie offered. "Can you let me go?"

"And you felt it necessary to involve Princess Celestia?" Twilight asked, her ears twitching randomly.

Pinkie noticed the increasing fraying and disarrangement of Twilight's mane and tail. "She is over a thousand years old, she'd know the history better than anyone," Pinkie said. She tried to soothe Twilight with a calm tone, despite being upside down.

Twilight stood there staring at Pinkie, her ears twitching. Her breathing ragged as she eyed Pinkie. Her mane and tail devolved as Pinkie watched. Twilight turned her head this way and that as if trying to see Pinkie from all angles. Finally, her head almost twisted upside down, Twilight stopped moving. She stared up at Pinkie Pie.

"You think she wouldn't know how foals are born?" Pinkie asked. Pinkie glanced around. She didn't see Spike or the griffons. "Uhm, Twilight, I'll just let myself out, and take the books," she offered as she climbed out of the net.

Twilight continued to stare at the place Pinkie had been hanging. Her smile didn't change, but only her ear movements gave any indication of life.

Pinkie moved slowly, collecting the books and retreating from the library. She never turned her back on Twilight, until she had the door closed and was tiptoeing away from the library. "I just hope he can figure these books out," Pinkie commented to the books. "There should be enough pictures that it's clear."


Arriving home well after dark had been bad enough. Having a very strangely acting Twilight Sparkle 'escorting' him to his door had been worse. She kept smiling, and making little whinnies. Her ears were more mobile that he remembered ever seeing them.

He closed the door to Ponyville and glanced around inside the corridor. There wasn't anything unusual in the corridor. Then he opened the door to his home. Standing in the living room was a collection of smiling ponies and a grinning griffon.

A grinning Twilight outside, a pack of grinning ponies here, in Canterlot I always wind up in a cell or a hospital bed, he thought, I should have camped out in the Pony Sister's castle and come back in the morning. Especially if I'm going to have to go hunting Nightmare.

"Did someone get into the liquor cabinet?" he asked. But the Apples, Celly and Woona just kept grinning. "Okay, I'm going to take a shower." He walked through the ponies, their heads and eyes tracking him the entire time. None of them followed him.

He finally relaxed as he heard the raucous laughter over the sound of the running water.

Okay, there's a joke going on that I'll understand later. At least I don't have to worry about Rainbow and Mare Do Well fighting over rescuing me, he thought as he washed off the day's dirt and sweat.


Day 34

Sleep had not been easy. The nightmares had returned full force. He'd relived all the terrible times in his life, but intensified. Instead of being merely wounded, his hands and feet had been blown off and he was left writhing in the sea. The salt water aggravating the wounds and the waves pulling him back into the sea as he tried to crawl out. The entry into the camps in Germany. Then watching the 'noble' British and Americans in Operation Keelhaul, repatriate all the Russians, whatever their wishes, to Stalin's extermination camps. The death of his newborn daughter, and the dream added the death of his wife. The loss of family, friends, colleagues from the depredations of accidents, disease and just time.

The dreams had been worse than the reality, and being assailed one after another after another left him exhausted rather than refreshed by sleep. I can only imagine what the others reacted to, he thought, They must have thought I'd gone mad. Well, considering how they were acting last night, I would have fit in perfectly.

He tried the wipe the sleep from his eyes, and nearly knocked himself unconscious. The pain woke him enough to focus on the thing at the end of his forearm. Did I get my arm tangled with a pony's leg? he thought. Then it twitched as he commanded his hand to move. He glanced down at his new body. Now I'm really surrounded by pony, he thought as he verified the wings, and the horn, I thought the rulers had to be girls. I'm certainly not that. He tried to extract himself from the ponypile without waking the others. So he could have some time to come to grips with what had happened, and discover a reversal. Did I have to be hangover green? he thought of his coat and violet mane and tail. The last betrayed him by tickling Lyra's nose as he climbed out of bed.

With her loud sneeze, the jig was up.


Bonbon had been hoping to catch Lyra alone after the crowd cleared out for a little instead-of-breakfast snuggling. The books Pinkie had delivered had given all of them ideas. Although intended to help Derpy and the Big Guy, everyone except Dinky had taken a good look at them. The scream changed her languid walk to a gallop as she charged into the master bedroom. Lyra in tears stared in horror at . . . The most gorgeous stallion I have ever seen! Are all Alicorns gorgeous?! she wondered as she stared at this incredible piece of horseflesh. His steel gray coat shone in the dim light, his white mane looked more like an elegant dusting of frost on his back. Oh those eyes! Bonbon thought as those imperious blue eyes fell on her, demanding her submission and worship with just a raised eyebrow. Bonbon squealed in glee even as terror gripped her heart. Oh, oh oh! He's gorgeous! she thought as she abased herself and just barely avoided peeing on the carpet in terror and excitement.

Lyra broke the spell around the similarly dumbstruck ponies. "What have you done with our friend?" the anguished unicorn cried.

"Lyra, I am 'the Big Guy'," he said.

Bonbon quivered at the sound of his voice. Smooth like warm honey, but so menacing! she thought, Wait a minute, what?

"You're the Big Guy? And you can speak?" she asked, "Lyra, is he that incredibly yummy as a human?" Only Woona seemed able to think and react. Celly was 'derping' worse that Derpy ever had. Derpy had Dink on her back and the pair were grinning like a pair of drugged out madmares. The quivering ball of feathers in the corner was presumably their griffon.

"What?" he demanded angrily.

Bonbon let out a squeal. "Of course, you don't know, but by Celestia you are a goooorgeous stallion. We should talk to Twilight, and Zecora. No, not Twilight, she'll want you for herself. Zecora, but we don't bring her into town. Oh, fritters!" she cried out, "We have to hide him! Any mare who sees him!" She squealed and pronked up and down in place like Pinkie Pie. She stopped and gathered herself. "Right, stay calm, Bonbon, you're freaking out everybody." She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. "It's obvious something changed you into a, ahem, stallion," she gulped at not adding a whole string of superlatives, "So, we need someone to tell Twilight, without her seeing you. And someone to tell Zecora, because she might be able to help."

"What about some help from the academy, male help?" he asked.

She squealed and squirmed in place as all manner of naughty thought paraded through her mind. She risked a glimpse at her fellow mares and saw them all having the same addled expression only her unbridled lust kept her from having. "Please, don't do that," she gasped, and took another deep breath. "This is like Discord's work." She took another deep breath as she felt herself sweating at the very thought of the masculine beauty he was. "You're going to have a bad effect on mares, even your voice. So," she had to gasp down a breath again before continuing, "Let us work this. Lyra, Woona help us clear the room. Help me clear the room."

She could feel her tail swishing this way and that at the mere thought of turning her back on him as he stood there. She head butted Derpy to get her moving with Dinky. Lyra and Woona corralled Celly. The griffin stayed in the corner softly whimpering. Okay, it crosses spectrums, speculums, oh cold metal in there, it crosses species, she thought fiercely. Once they were outside, and the door closed. Bonbon thought she could think a bit more clearly.

She let out a long breath and hugged the tearful Lyra. "It's okay. We'll do something about this."

Why you'd want to is beyond me, she kept to herself as the others seemed to be waking up.

"Look, Derpy, you go see Zecora," she said firmly.

"Can't I just go back inside?" Derpy said dreamily.

Try another tack, Bonbon thought.

"Just think of how happy he'll be, if you can help him." She leaned close and breathed on Derpy's ear. "He'll be so, grateful." Bonbon realized she was addressing empty air.

Celly was headed back to the door with a zompony-like expression.

"Oh, now, not at your age," Bonbon said as she pushed the mini-Diarch back. "Celestia will cut off," Bonbon said and shuddered at the thought, "All access to you."

Lyra had sobered slightly. "Dinky, are you okay."

"I want him to be my daddy," the filly said wistfully. Woona seemed to be drifting in and out of the same state.

"I'll hold the fort here," Bonbon said, "You go talk to Twilight." Bonbon let out a breath and focused on Lyra. "After all the weird stuff that's happened, none of it has been permanent. Curse the luck, but we've gotten through it, and we'll get through this. It's probably a reaction to all the magic and monsters that have been going around, or some new enemy getting us too addled to think straight before she attacks."

Lyra's expression hardened at the thought of somepony hurting her stallion. "Yes, I'll tell Twilight," she said, then she stopped, "How are you going to prevent him from using his powers, even accidentally."

Bonbon felt cold terror strip away everything else she'd been feeling and horrifying images overwhelming her happier fantasies. "He wouldn't really use his powers, he doesn't know how," Bonbon said.

"Neither do babies," Lyra offered and ran for the door.

Bonbon pushed Celly back from the door and down the hall. Leaving her in the care of the Apples, who seemed confused by the sudden effect on their housemates. Bonbon wrote a note in Equestrian: 'Weird stuff affected the Big Guy, keep Celly and Woona here.

They seemed to understand.

He doesn't know about magic, except from stories, right? Bonbon thought, It's not possible. Right. Right? Bonbon felt horror crawl up her spine as she considered the possible and worse, the likely answers.


Don't think of anything, don't think of, he thought desperately after a spark had jumped off his horn and surrounded the doorknob of the bedroom. Then a glow had surrounded the meeping ball of feathers that had been Sveti, their griffon master spy. The grins last night were less creepy, he thought, No, clear your mind. White paper. White paper.

The branch hit him under the chin and he crashed into a door. The bedroom doors weren't 'Dutch' doors. He managed to stand back up as hoofsteps approached. Oh dear, Bonbon was right, he thought as he saw the two mares catch a glimpse of him, then turn it into a tongue-lolling stare.


Twilight knew an alicorn when she saw one. She'd never admitted to Princess Celestia her deep and abiding crush on her mentor. Both that she suspected Celestia knew, and speaking it aloud would have just embarrassed both of them. She'd felt the same about Luna, even when she was Nightmare Moon, and she could instantly understand how her brother had fallen so totally in love with Cadence. But this standing in her library was everything she'd admired about Princess Celestia, Cadence and Princess Luna. The deep blue coat, and the mane like a blazing star billowing around his head like a corona. He's terrifying, Twilight thought happily, as she stared at his eyes like Cadence's, But those green eyes. So soft, so warm. Like they're caressing my whole body as he looks, and understands me.

"I, uh, really like your mane," Applejack said. The farmpony had arrived early and now was blushing furiously, and acting more like Fluttershy than even Fluttershy generally did. Applejack pawed the ground coquettishly and turned her head fetchingly.

"Is there anything you see you want?" Twilight asked. Her voice filled with hope, then she realized what she'd said. "Books!" she said, "This is a library."

"Bonbon said you might know what happened and have a cure," he said. The choirs of Canterlot couldn't have made a more pleasing sound.

"Impotence?" Twilight asked in horror, then focused again, "Yes, what exactly did Bonbon say I could do you for, do for you."

Applejack had closed in on the stallion, her hips swaying as she walked. Her normal forthright tone softened. "I'm sure there's nothing really wrong with a stallion like you."

"Applejack, I'm the Big Guy, I'm human," the stallion said. Obviously teasing the two mares. "Bonbon seemed to think my transformation had a magical cause, therefore a magical cure."

"You're downright perfect," Applejack said as she walked around him, brushing his chest and flanks with her tail. "But I'm, comin' down with something just awful." She stood beside him, and looked over her shoulder at him. She brushed his chin with her tail, and wrapped his tail around her neck. "You think you can find the cure?"

"Applejack, you seem to have lost your accent," the stallion said, "I think I'll look outside for it." With that he scampered out. He ran like a newborn does, which was absolutely adorable.

Twilight snickered at that.

"He'll be back," Applejack murmured, as she rested against the door jam. "He seems a Ponyville kinda stallion. Never had a stallion like mah accent before." She sighed happily, then glanced back at Twilight. "What had you so tongue-tied, Sugarcube? That's enough stallion for a passel of mares."

"Don't you think the, ah, Princesses will get first dibs?" Twilight asked as he went into Rarity's shop and awkwardly closed the door after him.

"Ah, shouldn't we head over?" Twilight said, and found her path blocked by Applejack. "In case he needs our help, he said something about Bonbon sending him here. You know how Rarity can be."

"Sugarcube, if he's already picked up Bonbon, Miss High-Maintenance ain't got a prayer," Applejack said and walked back to the center of the library, "Real fortunate those books showin' up when they did. Real fortunate."

"Applejack!" Twilight exclaimed and trotted over, "We might be, friends."

"That's the place to start, Sugarcube," Applejack said quietly, "That's not the place to stop."

Twilight blushed furiously and tried to frame the question of what Applejack was proposing, and why she seemed determine to include Celestia's favorite student in those plans.


Rarity was used to determined to distraught ponies charging into her shop. She'd never thought she'd see a pony for whom clothing wouldn't improve. "Oh, but this one, he's one whose very coloring should set fashion trends, and what bold lines, what passionate presentation. Solid, matte silver, not a mirror but it shines with light. A mirror like that you could fall into forever. And the royal blue mane, the royalest of royal blues. The purple fetlocks, describing motion where even standing still, are so playful. And that a magnificent tail, like a weapon of war or a lovers caress, or both for lovers who have been naughty. Where does he get his mane and tail styled?"

"Ah, Miss Rarity, you're thinking aloud," he said.

"In a voice like warm chocolate, smooth and sweet and inviting," Rarity said, as she approached. She stopped. "I am?" She blushed furiously. "I do apologize. I try and bring out the beauty of things and you, sir. I hope you can forgive me."

"Rarity, first, I'm hangover green, not silver, second, I'm the Big Guy, the one who gave you that book on Sailor Moon with all the wild designs in it."

"Sailor Moon? Luna's seafarers?" Rarity asked. "The Big Guy. Green not silver. Oh, dear." She gestured towards a changing room. "Inside, please."

Once he was out of sight, her ability to reason returned in part. "All right. Do forgive me, you said you were the Big Guy."

"Yes, Bonbon said," he began.

"Stop," Rarity said, "Even your voice has some effect. And I can't help you in that state. Although, no, not the right time to discuss it. One clop, err, stomp for yes, two for no, do you understand."

Clunk.

"Ye gods that still a beautiful sound," Rarity gasped. "All right, three questions. Blue flowers?"

Clunk.

Rarity calmed her tremulously beating heart. "Twilight couldn't or didn't help?"

Clunk.

"Poor dear, I suspected that, you are an overpowering specimen. That's not a question. Very well. I know what happened, and there is a simply delicious, er, simple cure. I have most of the facilities you need, but not the ingredients. Third question, are you certain you want to return to being human. I'm certain everything you can do as an alicorn is greater than what you can do as a human. And there are some of us who, well, you are a man of the world. I don't think I need to spell it out."

"Rarity," he said huskily.

She practically scampered to the door of the dressing room, so she wouldn't miss one sound of it.

"If you don't get me that cure, I won't love you anymore," he told her in a voice filled with sadness.

Rarity's heart recoiled in her chest, despair gripped her soul at the thought of losing this magnificent creature from her life forever. "Oh, I see," she said as she regained herself. "You'd never know if they were real friends and lovers, or slaves to your aura. Yes, a cure while a loss to beauty, is best for all involved."

She paced the floor as she thought, I'm going to need help.

"Was Dinky affected along with her mother?" she asked.

Clunk. Clunk. Clunk.

"Yes and no, I take it she wanted you for her mother then," Rarity said.

Clunk.

Rarity considered her options and resources. "While it is a high crime against fabolocity, I will help return you to your previous form. I do wish you'd model a few creations for me, before you change back."

Clunk. Clunk.

"Can't blame a mare for trying. Stay there," Rarity said and walked out of the boutique into the rest of her home. She took a deep breath to steady herself.

All right. If it's affecting me, then Twilight is out completely, Rarity thought, Poor, dear, little bookworm. Fortunately, I can raise the alarm.

"Sweetie Belle," Rarity called as she entered the kitchen. She smiled at her sister.

She's too young to be affected, Rarity thought, I hope, or she'll stand aside for her older sister. On such slim reeds.

"Sweetie Belle, there's been an accident, I need you to find the other Crusaders and Dinky, then go directly to Fluttershy's house and tell her the Big Guy fell into some Poison Joak. Have her take Applebloom to Zecora's, you, Dinky and Scootaloo head back here to locate Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash. I think we're going to need some help."

"I don't have to go to school?" Sweetie Belle asked.

"Not today. Miss Cheerilee will understand," Rarity said, "Now hurry."

"What happened to him?" Sweetie Belle asked as she headed for the door.

"He became, something that makes ponies loose their wits," Rarity said, "And he's very unhappy about it."

"Cutie Mark Crusaders, wits recoverer!" Sweetie Belle shouted as she charged out of the house.

Rarity looked back into the boutique proper and sighed. "The world shouldn't demand such things of a poor mare." Rarity trotted over the library. She spotted Bonbon entering and increased her pace.

Twilight and Applejack were sitting on the floor and softly plotting something. Lyra, in tears, was trying to rouse them to action.

"Well, I see I'm not the only one who's immune," Bonbon said to Rarity.

"Hardly immune, just resistant," Rarity said, "I take it you also were affected."

Bonbon nodded. "It was hard, Lyra was immune, she wanted her human back." Bonbon glanced at Twilight and Applejack who'd just deigned to notice them.

"Lyra, you brief them," Rarity said, "I think we need some stallions from the academy, and for their Highnesses to stay far away. Now I know how King MidAss felt. Bonbon, can you control yourself well enough to help. I think some other mares spotted him scrambling into my boutique." She leaned close to whisper. "He's in one of the dressing rooms. As long as they don't actually see or hear him, it should be all right."

"I'll go," Bonbon said, then paused, "If the shoe was on the other hoof? Would you?"

"A lady wouldn't," Rarity said. A raised eyebrow. Indicated her disdain for the idea. "Besides, how would you know they cared about you and not just your aura?"

Bonbon snorted at that as she trotted down the stairs and out the door. Lyra's tearful explanation was dragging Twilight and Applejack back to reality, and horror. Rarity quickly found and roused Spike.

"Rarity," the little dragon said and grinned happily.

"Spike, I need you to take a letter. We've got a problem on our hands," Rarity explained, "And I'd like to keep it from becoming a disaster."

Spike sobered and saluted, grabbing a parchment and quill. "Ready."


I should have run while I had the chance, he thought as somepony yanked the dressing room door off the hinges, Considering I can barely walk with four legs, that would have been something. He looked at the incredibly eager expressions on the mares. Not one stallion in the group, that certainly answers that question about this town, although I thought Lyra and Bonbon were an item. So? Flight? Teleport? Talk? NO! Break bones and crush skulls? Yeah, and have her Highness vaporize me, I can do that myself trying to teleport again. He looked from one face to the other.

I don't like what they're discussing even more than I don't like the looks, he thought as the mares worked out a pecking order among themselves, So they aren't acting on their intentions.

"Well what if he decides none of us are good enough?" Stardust Sprinkle announced, "I say first come, first served!"

You bitch! he thought as the tide moved forward. The doorway prevented more than two or three from coming at him, and only from the front. Now if I knew how to disable without seriously injuring somepony that would be helpful. What I used on Rarity? No, she was in control of herself, this is just a mob, he thought, A little help here you two? Hello? Anybody? Terrific.

He shoved the first two ponies back out of the small room and growled at the others. While most drew back, one mare squealed gleefully and peed on the floor.

Oh, this is not good, he thought as the others began assembling their courage for a second attempt.


"Zecora! Zecora!" Derpy shouted as she crashed through the door and landed in a heap in the middle of the shaman's workroom. While her feet waved in the air, she spotted the zebra approaching. "Zecora, the Big Guy got zapped with Poison Joak, and there's some really big problems."

"Poison Joak, you don't say, its dire effects we'll send away," the zebra said, and began collecting the herbs for the cure, "What vile joke has it played this time, your terror's reason and its rhyme?"

"He's beautiful," Derpy said dreamily.

"Not such a curse I think, that would make his spirits sink. Human or pony houses his splendor, to which does the cure aid to render?"

"He's an alicorn," Derpy said, "But he's almost too beautiful."

"From spoiled nobles, I've heard such refrain, such a belief escapes my simple brain," Zecora chided, "Resplendence, grace, and charm too, a fate I would gladly share with you."

"Not when mares can't stop themselves," Derpy said, "When nopony will take 'no' for an answer, is that a blessing or a curse?"

"We go," Zecora said and cantered out of her house with Derpy fast behind her.


The wall of white fire that was pain receded to merely a dull agony. The first dislocated wing was an accident, he thought as he regained enough focus to note they were getting ropes around his ankles. He tried to fight past the pain to take more decisive action than just shuffling his feet. The second was intentional, he thought as he tried to shake off the mares holding him. Bites and kicks only seemed to stimulate them.

The first wing grab had just been to drag him out of the changing room. Dislocating it had been a consequence of him not backing down.

Once they saw that much pain incapacitated me, there went the second so they could rope me down, he thought as five or six ponies on each rope pulled his legs out from under him. More piled on top to hold him down, jostling his wings as they did. The pain lancing through the new limbs was like a gunshot.

"Now he can't fly away! Turn him over!" some mare who wasn't taking part in the fighting shouted from the sidelines.

"We'd need Applejack to hogtie this bronc!" one of the mares practically screamed in his ear.

"Why share with her?" the spokemare called back.

That's enough by God that's enough, he thought and was suddenly not interested in avoiding injuries to his addled captors.

"What makes you think I want any of you?" he shouted as he slashed one rope with his horn. The ponies holding it went toppling over. Then he cut the second, and lashed out full force with his forehooves. He cut the third rope as a mare grabbed his damaged wing and yanked. He kicked her as hard as he could while the pain made him faint. He cut the last rope and staggered for the door, slashing with hooves and horn at any of them who got close. He was aware of screams around him, some of pain, some of rage, but he kept fighting his way to the door.

The door burst in, and a mare in goggles, purple bodysuit, hat and cape stood silhouetted in the door.

Not good, she looks like she can handle herself, he thought through the haze of pain.

"Mare Do Well! She'll save us!" the crowd began shouting.

Their hero did, barreling into them, knocking them every which way with practiced ease, and letting him escape without hurting any more of them. Bonbon forced through the door, and past him.

Okay, take advantage, he thought as he managed a trot to get to and through the door. Each step jounced his wing makings it seen someone stabbed him once or twice at every stride. He staggered under the searing pain. Someone took advantage, by grabbing him by the tail and lifting him off the ground. He looked up at the purple-clad mare with the hat and goggles who was sailing through the air easily, carrying such a load of dead weight. Without the bouncing, the pain in his wings became an urgent ache, rather than anguish.

Some distance from Ponyville, she set him on a cloud and lighted next to him. He looked down at what shouldn't have been supporting his weight.

"I'm going to reset those wings," the purple-clad mare said as she set her hat aside on the cloud, "If you don't mind."

"I don't mind, Fluttershy? You're Mare Do Well?" he asked, falling to his knees as exhaustion suddenly set in.

"Sort of." She removed her goggles and cowl. Then she steeled herself. "You're already going into shock, and this is going to make it worse. I promise not to do anything naughty. But if you wake up and want to do something naughty to me, it's okay. Just wake me up first, if it wouldn't be too much trouble."

Before he could either be frightened, or respond, she popped a wing back into place. After that, he collapsed completely. She could have done whatever she wanted, and he couldn't have stopped her. And there was one wing left to go.


And you think they are full of love and trust. Friendship, with their own kind maybe. Princess Celestia will punish you for the injuries you inflicted on her ponies. Would she punish them for what they were planning to do to you?

They will get a scolding at most, and be forced to admit they are sorry.

If they had succeeded? Do you think they would be punished? Do you think that being sorry would wipe away what they had done? What would happen to you if you refused their apology? Did you notice that even among those who were attacking you, there was division? They were united in their goal of reducing you, but there would have been battle over who received the precedence. The order, not the act, was in doubt.

Do you know how many times they've raised the Windingos on this world? How many continents were buried under ice for millennia because of the ponies' hatreds? You have seen the fear in Princess Celestia's eyes. Harmony. Harmony over all, harmony over reason, harmony over justice, and harmony over free will. There's a reason for it all. The enemy is you. You divide those on your side, and those who oppose you. If you were tied down, beaten, broken, who would you wish to see approaching? Twilight Sparkle, who is supposedly on your side? Or Bonbon, who fears you and can barely tolerate your presence?

You are too used to your world of grays and beiges, of what should be but cannot, and what can be achieved. You are used to the glass being half-empty, half-full, or merely the wrong size. For them, everything is black and white, and none of the harsher punishments are acceptable. Do you really fit in here? Or is this place in need of 'new management'?

Nightmare, when I'm actually dumb enough to listen to you, I'll be ten days dead, he replied, This is Hell, and I'm stuck with it.


"But he doesn't really belong to you, he doesn't even belong to Derpy and Celly. He's his own. So getting his permission, but getting their permission too would be better," he heard Fluttershy muttering, arguing with herself, "He's hurt and confused, he needs somepony to look after him. That's what I'm doing. To do more is wrong."

He left her arguing and tried to survey himself without disturbing her. Her tail was wrapped around him below his hips. Despite that tails are prehensile, I chose to believe she's trying to protect my modesty, and not copping a feel, he thought, The clouds are cold, and does that feel good on my wings, but why isn't my back cold? My front is covered with Fluttershy, oh, it's the Mare Do Well costume. Okay, that's what's covering my face: the hat. And Fluttershy's body, mane and wings covering the rest. A little racy for you, eh timorous? But there's no one to see, and no one but me to hear. Speaking of hearing.

"So no, I have to ask them," she said and squeaked in fear, "What if?" She burrowed into the only shield she had, against the world around her.

"Fluttershy," said cover gasped, "Need to breathe."

"Oh, sorry." She loosened, but didn't release her grip. She seemed to sense his apprehension. "I won't do anything to hurt you, or take advantage."

He relaxed, slightly.

She slipped her head under the hat so she could see him, and his expression. "But if you wanted to take advantage, that would be fine, I guess."

I think there's a real manticore in the Everfree, he thought quietly, But I'd better nip this in the bud.

"Fluttershy, I won't do anything, because it would feel like rape. I can't know if it's your real feelings, or some aura effect," he said, "That crowd couldn't agree on what color I was."

"I always thought you were cute!" Fluttershy insisted, "I mean, even as a human, and that if you were a pony, well, you know what I mean. I know the aura is, but not completely, not with me anyway." She was crying now. "I'll keep you safe, until we can cure you. I want what's best for you." She nuzzled him gently. "I want what's best. But I do want to cuddle, er, keep you hot, uh, warm." She laughed a little. "Okay, maybe it is affecting me. So's being able to talk to you. I could sort of guess, but I was never sure. You're different from my animal friends. Harder to read."

She snuggles in, but it feels very different than the 'attack-attack' the others had been doing, he thought.

"I think the cavalry has arrived," he said as he nodded towards a helicopter approaching.


Pinkie watched Fluttershy stand up off the ponified Big Guy. I shouldn't be jealous, she thought swiftly, It's not like she would have done anything untoward with that absolutely, amazingly, scrumptiously, male stallion! Pinkie took a deep breath, and controlled herself. This is a rescue, and nothing else, Pinkie reminded herself, We can't become what we were rescuing him from.

"Pinkie Pie, what color is he?" Fluttershy asked.

Pinkie giggled. "He's electric blue and hot pink," Pinkie answered, "Can't you see?"

"His mane is pink, but his body is lemon yellow," Fluttershy replied.

Pinkie nearly forgot to pedal as he stood up, and when he winced as he tried to flex his wings. She maintained control by concentrating on Fluttershy teasing her. "He's not a more brightly colored version of you, his body, oh his body, is hot pink, and his mane and tail are electric blue. Light ah, like a lightning bolt."

"Told you." Those two words were beyond any party she'd ever thrown. Beyond the chaos of Discord, and beyond the joy of the smiles of her friends.

She let out another deep breath. Keep it together Pinkie Pie, she told herself, Wait a second! That's the answer!

"A pedal-powered helicopter?" he asked, "Have you considered using a pair of lift rotors to overcome the torque problem? It would eliminate the parasitic loss of lift."

Even Pinkie couldn't follow what she said next, aside from being able to talk to somepony else about her toys.

"You really know about these?" she managed when her mouth slowed down.

"I've got books on them, and a few design studies," he admitted, "But a pedal-powered one is beyond anything we've done yet."

"I actually built something you can't?" Pinkie stammered in amazement, "I, have to return you to human form and then learn to talk."

Fluttershy had been looking more nervous, now she relaxed. "We can sling him below, using our costumes, and carry him to the cure."

"I'm not sure I can carry another pony," Pinkie said.

"I can help support him," Fluttershy replied.

"Have him ride on your back the whole way?" Pinkie teased.

Fluttershy blushed.

"Pinkie, I know it's hard on both of you, but I really need the cure. If the pegasi, or God-forbid one of the Alicorns sees me, it would be a disaster," he said.

"Okay, but back to back, or Fluttershy won't be able to fly," Pinkie pointed out.

Fluttershy actually stuck out her tongue at Pinkie, which made Pinkie giggle. Soon, the pair of them had him hanging in a near cocoon under the pinkiecopter.

It turned our stomachs, every time he winced at his wings being moved, Pinkie thought as she pedaled hard and headed towards Zecora's place and the waiting cure. He likes my pinkiecopter! she silently squealed in delight. Maybe he'll like my other toys! She held onto that hope with all four hooves and her teeth as she pedaled.

Zecora's hut soon appeared beneath them. Pinkie had been stealing glances down at her passenger, and her ally. I shouldn't feel jealous, after all nothing will come of this. It's all the Poison Joak, Pinkie reminded herself, forcefully, But he's so delicious! I just want to, concentrate, Pinkie Pie. Once he's safe, maybe he'll be willing to be a stallion again. When the whole town isn't fighting over him, or playing tug-of-war, with him as the rope. She felt sad for a moment. After what's happened, he may decide never to be a stallion again. He may even decide he doesn't want to be around ponies any more.

She pushed her depression aside and made a gentle landing. Fluttershy freed him of the sling before Pinkie touched down. The two of them took the tightly wrapped figure inside. Pinkie spared a glance at the surrounding forest. Nothing out there, this is too easy, she thought, But no Pinkie-sense problems. She frowned at that, and closed the door quietly.

Inside, Bonbon and Lyra waited with Zecora. Pinkie recognized the scent of the cure herbs. "We should just chuck him in," Pinkie suggested. She glanced at the others, who seemed torn between doing that, and getting one last look at the stallion of their dreams.

"I'd like to say a few words, while I can," He said as he untangled himself from the costumes.

Pinkie grinned at Zecora's gasp and blush.

"This is a wicked prank to play, on the girls he sees today. Not art not tale nor fevered dream, will male perfection appear or seem."

"You can say that again," Bonbon said and sighed. "Uhm?"

"Discord and Tom are working on it. They'd better be," he said, making every mare's knees quiver, "They've been of absolutely no help otherwise." The mares shied back at his tone, each one hoping he displeasure didn't include her.

"Fluttershy," he said softly.

The mare's head came up at the mention of her name. She squeaked and backed against the wall. Her hooves kept going, despite not the rest of her not going anywhere. When he came withing touching distance, her wings snapped out.

"Shh, shh," he said, soothing her. "I want to thank you for your help today, and for your kindness in the past. I appreciate an advocate I can trust. Your beauty, kindness and fortitude will win you a worthy stallion, one who sees through to the real you."

Fluttershy responded with a happy whimper cut short by him kissing her. The whimpering stopped, and Fluttershy's forelegs rose and slowly encircled his neck. They held that way. Pinkie felt equal parts jealousy that it wasn't her, joyfulness that it was her friend, and terror that it would be her turn soon.

They broke the kiss. Fluttershy licked his nose, and they both giggled at that. Still smiling, he turned. "Bonbon."

The mare looked to her friend Lyra, who smiled knowingly back. The acerbic mare stood her ground. Her front half a stoic mein, ready to face her punishment as she faced life: unflinching, forthright and unafraid. But her rear hooves danced up and down as if she was standing them in a red-hot skillet.

"Bonbon," Lyra said, "He won't hurt you."

Bonbon collapsed and let out a wail. "Why doesn't anypony understand?! I was never worried about him spontaneously hurting us! I was worried about us pushing him, until he fought back. I never hated him. I was jealous, that my lover loved him, that he was a better pony than most of us. But he's NOT a pony. It's cruel to treat him like that, and eventually he's going to have to defend himself against us!" she cried and lay on the floor, covering her head with her hooves. "I never wanted what happened."

"Bonbon," he said as he drew close and raised her head to look at him. "Am I really so frightening?"

"Yes," Bonbon said. Her misery tinging every word. "I want to hate you, but you've done nothing but good for us. You scare me."

"I don't want to," he said as he leaned close.

Bonbon shied away. "No, I don't want to love you," she whimpered as she squeezed her eyes shut, "I only want to love Lyra, only Lyra, only Lyra." Her refrain became a whimper when lips pressed on hers. Her whimper became forlorn as forelegs wrapped around her neck and the kiss deepened.

Bonbon struggled against herself, shivering visibly and tears running down her cheeks, but she couldn't hold back. She wrapped her kisser in a hug, pressing her lips against those kissing her. "Forgive me, Lyra," Bonbon said quietly.

"Always, you silly filly," Lyra whispered to Bonbon.

Bonbon's eyes shot open, and she saw her forelegs were around Lyra's neck, and her lips pressed against Lyra's. The others in the room were a few feet away, and all were grinning at the scene.

"Bonbon, I'll take someone who resents me, but keeps my best interests at heart, over someone who smiles at me all the time, and cannot be found when I need help," he told her, "I don't intend to split up you and Lyra. You're welcome to stay or to go from my home as you see fit."

"Thank you, bloody trickster," Bonbon said, but her grin softened the sting.

"Ask!" Lyra demanded, and nibbled Bonbon's ear.

"About being chased, not here," Bonbon replied aghast.

"Foals!" Lyra insisted.

"Uh," Bonbon said, and her lip curled at the very idea.

"When breeding horses, on my world," he said, "They get the sample from the stallion. Put part of it in a syringe. Then you put on a long rubber glove. Stick your arm into the mare, and squirt the contents of the syringe where it'll do the most good."

Now Lyra sneered. "That is the most unromantic idea I've ever heard."

"It's a deal!" Bonbon said and grabbed both Lyra and the Big Guy and kissed them both together. When she broke it off, she turned and stared at Pinkie.

Pinkie found herself retreating across Zecora's hut, until she met the wall. She ignored the snickering of the others, and grinned nervously as he approached, flanked by Lyra and Bonbon.

"Zecora," he said as he paused, "The markings we found. They lead to a ruined, ancient temple. There were several not so ancient bodies that the jungle hadn't reclaimed. I wouldn't go there if I were you. And when I go back, I think I'm going to bring several large charges of explosives."

"Understood," Zecora said and nodded.

"I don't feel too kindly towards one Twilight Sparkle right now, but someone needs to know about what I found," he told her.

Zecora nodded, and with Fluttershy joined the march on Pinkie.
` They're all my friends, she thought, looking from one grinning face to another. But he's learning to use what the Joak did to him. Then he turned it full force on her. She felt her back legs collapse as she smiled uncertainly.

"Heh, heh, um," Pinkie said as she looked from pony to pony, "Um, a distraction!" She pointed. None of them took the bait, and she couldn't get her back legs to stand up.

He stopped and cradled her face in his hooves. Pinkie's happy mewling sounded piteous even to her. "When I'm better, I'd love to talk helicopters with you." He rubbed his nose against hers. Her noises became happier. She followed as he stepped back.

"I'm going to apologize in advance," he said as he got ready to climb in the pot full of healing herbs, "I suspect I'm going to be very poor company for a few weeks."

"How do you know?" Bonbon asked.

"Because it's happened several times before. Although I don't expect to encounter an 'unreconstructed' Japanese soldier," he said.

He gasped as his wings touched the water. He was clearly struggling. Fluttershy and Bonbon moved up to keep his head above water as his legs collapsed. He began screaming as his body began to twist and morph. His wings and horn withering as he bellowed in pain and went limp. The ponies held the still-writhing form that began returning to normal.


Shining Armor had never seen Princess Celestia furious. Miffed, sardonic, sarcastic, I've seen, he thought, I've even seen how she reacted to Discord's reappearance. But I've never seen her raging.

Celly lowered her head as if to charge, and shouted something at Princess Celestia. She pawed the ground as the Apples from the other world tried to reason with her. Princess Celestia and Princess Luna stood blocking Celly's route of advance. Neither spoke, nor reacted. That's Cadence's job, he thought worriedly as he and a handful of guards tried to appear to be reinforcing their rulers. Against even the junior Diarch, what could we possibly do if she's unwilling to listen to reason? Shining Armor thought as he glanced at his own troops, then at Cadence who spoke softly, and provided 'supertitles' to her words.

"He's safe, Fluttershy, Bonbon, and Pinkie Pie are working with Zecora to cure him," Cadence said, and her magic wrote the message.

Celly growled something, an extremely threatening sound. She pawed the floor and growled again. Woona was elsewhere, with a small team looking after Selene Dreamer.

"Please, be patient," Cadence counseled. "I know how you feel. But you'll do him no favors by confronting him right now."

Armor suppressed a shudder as he remembered the reason for Cadence's surety. Another team was interviewing the mares who'd cornered and assaulted him.

The bone-weary voice brought Celly's attention away from her confrontation with the three other Alicorns. Celly started forward, then looked down as Pinkie Pie darted in to block her path. She glared at the mare as the Big Guy entered on wobbly legs supported by Lyra and Bonbon. Pinkie gave ground slowly, encouraging Celly not to race over, but to stroll over to the obvious source of her frenzy.

Celly let him wrap his arms around her neck. When his legs wobbled, she brought her wings up to cup him against her as she took the weight off his legs. Celly began making happier sounds, while tears ran down her cheeks.

He saw the enchanted looks on the other mares' faces, even the Diarchs grinned happily at the youngster being reunited with her love.

"I understand why Rarity told us to send a stallions-only force," Cadence said, "Can you imagine me, or Luna or Celestia being like that."

"Not about him," Armor said, "About Twilight, more likely."

Celly looked at the others. 'I apologize,' Celly displayed as she spoke, 'When I heard what had happened, I went a little mad.'

Celestia and Luna smiled and nodded. "We understand," Celestia said and 'wrote' the words.

Celly took her attention away from the figure cuddled in her wings to bow to the Diarchs. The figure in her wings never touched the ground, nor suffered any jostling. She carried the exhausted human away, with Lyra following. Bonbon and Pinkie looked at each other and the soldiers.

"I guess we're in trouble," Bonbon said.

"I'm not," Pinkie said happily.

"You assaulted your fellow ponies as well," Luna pointed out.

"I think the alternative would be worse," Pinkie said offhandedly, "Besides, I think you two might be more interested in the temple outside the old castle. The Big Guy said there were some dead bodies around it, and it had been damaged by something."

"Not that temple," Celestia breathed. She looked at Luna who was staring back wide-eyed. "Captain Armor. We need a detachment of troops, with some of the mages as support."

"I will face her," Luna said.

"Are you sure?" Celestia asked.

"I am no longer vulnerable," Luna said darkly. "I will not fall again."

"Go," Celestia said gravely.

"Highness?" Armor and Cadence said together.

"Nightmare's temple," Celestia said, showing a ghost of Celly's fury. "I thought I had destroyed it. Tore it stone from stone until none stood within two paces of another. If it still stands, it has been rebuilt."


Bonbon walked into the interview room. She was startled to see Sparkle was her interviewer. "Sparkle," she greeted Twilight curtly.

Twilight glared at her. "Whatever possessed you to hatch this plan to get rid of him?"

"The plan was to ensure he felt his family and home were secure, so his natural curiosity would draw him away from Ponyville," Bonbon answered calmly. "I did not want him hurt. I didn't even want him worried by events. It was always the intention to protect what he valued."

"It really worked," Sparkle asked, "Didn't it?"

"Yes," Bonbon replied angrily, "Tell me something Sparkle, when he appeared at your library trying to get your help. Was it his body or that his knowledge was finally at your hoof tips that had you and your reliable friend drooling out of both ends when I walked in?"

Twilight's shocked expression and ears plastered against her skull told Bonbon she'd scored.

"So get off your high-horse, Sparkle. I was one of the ones who rescued him, while you were paralyzed in your hidey-hole. I never pretended I liked him, to get something he had that I wanted. Maybe I only tolerated him, but I never tried to hurt or disturb him. You can't make the same claim. I know why you want all his knowledge, because that means you get to dole out that knowledge. I also know why Celestia is so worried about him. He split our conspirators, he has divided the Elements, and even Ponyville. It hardly takes a genius to realize that the harmony Celestia has tried to instill is threatened by his divisive presence. Our plan would have had him passing through outer areas and then passing on."

Bonbon noticed that Sparkle wasn't looking at her, but over her head. "Your Highness," Bonbon said and bowed.

"You think you know me so well?" Celestia asked.

Bonbon didn't straighten up as she turned around. "He has done this, and his raving while he returned to human shape. The last thing he lost was his ability to speak Equestrian. He laid his fears out in their myriad categories and in great detail. With respect, your Highness. You were the top of most of those lists. The reasoning was his, but I find it completely sound."

"That it meshes with your reasons for wanting him gone has absolutely nothing to do with it," Celestia said and smirked.

Bonbon raised her head and looked into the Diarch's eyes. "With respect, your Highness, if what he said can be believed, the mares of Ponyville, Nightmare, even Discord, have given him less reason to fear for his life, safety and sanity that you have." She bowed her head. "If you can believe him."

"I think he believes that," Celestia said softly. She brightened slightly. "It's good he has somepony looking after him so, ferociously."

Bonbon blushed and nodded.

"Bonbon," Celestia said quietly as she leaned close, "Don't let your own fears, or other feelings, cloud your eyes to what a good friend he can be. Clever, inventive and willing to help. And a good sense of humor."

Bonbon stared at Celestia in confusion. She let her withdraw before she too left.


"You all were Mare-do-Well?" Rainbow Dash hissed as her friends sat together in SugarCube Corners. They were alone, the Cakes had closed hours earlier, leaving Pinkie to shut down. The group was well aware that the Cakes were among the few in Ponyville who bedded down with a clear conscience this night.

"Well, originally I only made the costumes," Rarity said, "But I used Applejack's to team up with Derpy to draw off the mob. Pinkie and you were doing such a good job as the other team, we just kept it up while Fluttershy kept him safe."

Fluttershy blushed and looked at her hooves.

"Dear, don't feel self-conscious," Rarity said, "Any of us would have taken some advantage. You probably controlled yourself better than any of us. The point is, you made him feel safe. I suspect that was welcome even if you wrapped yourself around him." Rarity bowed her head. "I fear that is something he won't be feeling for quite some time in the future. Discord's taint didn't magically go away when we defeated him. Not for me, at any rate. I suspect he'll be feeling the same."

"I guess that's why," Fluttershy admitted, "I, felt that way. After Discord, I mean. Like I was dirty, and would never be clean again."

"At least you four were doing something," Twilight said softly, "I just sat there. I couldn't get -" She stopped and looked around. "How did you manage to get over what he was, and how he looked? I couldn't. I kept thinking about it, about him, about how I would feel. I've always had a bit of a crush on Celestia. But I never acted on it, and never told her. Although I think she guessed. Then a stallion who reminded me so much of Celestia it hurt, walks into my life and, I couldn't get past that. Bonbon was right. Maybe he did make a mistake when he teleported. But he walked into the library to get our help. That was a conscious choice. And we did nothing for him. He trusted us, and we didn't do anything."

"Twilight," Rarity said, "You can't assume the weight of all of this. When he came to me, he'd already seen the effect he'd had on you. He toned it down considerably."

"You still managed to hold it together, Sugarcube," Applejack said as she looked down at the cocoa in front of her. "I wasn't thinkin' with my brain, if you know what ah mean. I wanted him. The bulls and the cows aren't that bad. I may as well have been a dumb critter in heat for all the good I was."

"Applejack, I'm not some pony paragon because I could pass through that and do what he asked," Rarity said, "I just held on until I could toss him in a dressing room and communicate without him talking. I doubt you have experience with your customers having a meltdown before you can get them what they need. This time it was me having the near meltdown, and I handled it that same way."

"You still did betterin' we did," Applejack said, "Fluttershy and Pinkie did better still."

"I just thinking how sad he was, and how much he'd smile when he was back to normal. And how smart he is," Pinkie said.

"How does being smart change anything?" Rainbow asked.

"Cause he could change just for somepony special," Pinkie Pie said and grinned at Fluttershy, "Who could be specialler than the mares who rescued him?"

Fluttershy eeped and tried to hide her blushing face with her tail. She fainted instead.

"Well, that lets us out," Applejack said, "Rarity might have a chance though."

Rarity eeped, and joined Fluttershy on the floor.

"Sleep over!" Pinkie Pie announced and snuggle-pounced her two semi-comatose friends.

Next Chapter: 21) The Rock Cried Out No Hiding Place? Estimated time remaining: 23 Hours, 39 Minutes
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