Ooh Mama...

by Mattricole

Chapter 1: Prologue

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Discord knew for a fact that turning to stone was never fun. Celestia and Luna had done it to him before, and now it had happened again, this time by six little ponies that he had thought he defeated. He turned them against each other, changed their personality's, and he even replaced Twilight's toothbrush with a slug. A SLUG! He thought for sure that would have guaranteed his victory...

Okay in hindsight that one was a little bit silly, but he's the God of Chaos, what was he supposed to do!?

So obviously it didn't work. Here he was, in the middle of a courtyard, wasting away as a statue trying to plot a way to escape his prison of stone, and as time went by it seemed rather pointless. At this point Discord could only think back at what he did wrong.

"Maybe I really should have invested in a sidekick," he mused to himself, "if they could get their hooves on an Alicorn amulet, I could use that to free myself. But it's too late now, no pony's stupid enough to trust me, if only there was thou-" that's when it hit him. He didn't need a pony! He just needed someone stupid enough to free him! But it couldn't be someone from this world, everyone already knew he would get rid of them as soon as they succeeded.

"But maybe they don't need to be from this world," he thought as he imagined an evil grin growing across his face. Using the last of what magic he had left, he searched the multiverse for the perfect fool to bring to Equestria. His search led him to a small world named Earth, and a house belonging to one blonde head idiot.

"Perfect," he would have smirked if he wasn't too stoned...


"For the last time Little Neighbor Girl, I am NOT going to the carnival with you!" a young man yelled, annoyed at the little girl pestering him for a date. His name was Johnny Bravo, a sadly single adult with no job and still living with his mom. In other words, pathetic. "...You trying to start a fight Mr. Narrator?" Johnny asked with a raised brow.

"Why not Johnny? It's going to be fun and amazing!" the Little Neighbor girl, whose real name was Suzy smiled as she imagined how fun the day would be, "It's not like you have anything better to do," she stated, causing Johnny to scoff.

"Little girl, that's just not true. I have many important things to do,"

"Like what?"

"Like...uh," Johnny stumbled for an answer. He honestly had nothing to do, "I have to...water the fridge! Yeah, the most important job of all," sometimes Johnny surprised even himself at how smart he truly was.

"...That doesn't make any sense,"

"Does too!"

"Does not!"

"Does too!"

"Does not!"

"Does too infinity, HA!" Johnny reveled in triumph as he poked Suzy's nose gently, "nobody beats Johnny Bravo in a does not does too contest," just as he said that a giant apparition appeared. It had the head of a pony, and a body made up of various other creatures.

"hello John-"

"Demon Llama, AAAH!" Johnny screamed like a little girl as he threw various objects at the strange creature, including Little Suzy who unfortunately flew out the window.

"I *oof* am not *ah* A DEMON LLAMA!" Discord yelled to fall back in fright, "I am the mighty Discord-"

"Who?" Johnny quickly recovered.

"Discord, the God of Chaos, now will you let me fini-"

"You know, you're kind of ugly for a demon llama," Johnny pointed out as he looked Discord up and down, causing Discord to glare at the buffoon.


"If you're just gonna yell all day, I'm just gonna get a bowl of nachos. Mmm, nachos," Johnny said dreamily as he went into the kitchen for the god like meal, causing Discord to groan in frustration.

"I'm starting to think this was a bad idea..." the draconequus stated as he followed after the buffoon into the kitchen, "listen you, I am trying to offer you the deal of a lifetime!"

"The deal of a lifetime!?" Johnny spun around excitedly, "does this mean smoking hot babes," Discord could have sworn he saw a bit of drool come out of Johnny's mouth.

"Of course, whatever you want, you just have to do me a little favor first and I will grant you any wish,"

"Any wish?"

"Any wish," Discord confirmed, "all you have to do, is go to another dimension, steal the Alicorn amu-" however Johnny wasn't listening to Discords plan, at all.

Johnny's dreamland-

Johnny was on a tropical island, sitting upon a thrown of gold, surrounded by hundreds of beautiful women. It was a sunny day, the ocean calm, and the lady's were all giggling over him.

"oh Johnny," one cooed, " would you like to eat some chocolate, off of my breast?" she asked as she seductively removed her coconut bra.

"Oh baby, there's nothing I'd rather do than that," Johnny replied with a happy smile, however another girl pushed the other away.

"No Johnny," she protested, "eat whip cream off of my belly button instead!" suddenly all the girls were protesting, wanting Johnny to eat food off of their various body parts.

"Don't worry lady's," Johnny waved them off, "There's plenty of room in my stomach for all of your food," the girls giggled at this, and swarmed Johnny, as if he was a god.

End of dream-

"Ooooh mama," Johnny said quietly to himself.

"Did you get all that?" Discord questioned as he finished his grand plan.

"Hmm, oh yeah, sure, you get amulet, I get Island full of babes, got it!" Johnny saluted, excited for his grand prize.

"Perfect! Now to send you to another dimension full of talking ponies," Discord said as he snapped his fingers, causing Johnny to raise an eyebrow.

"Wait, wha-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!" Discord couldn't help but smirk at the girly scream. All was going according to plan.

Author's Notes:

So this is my first attempt at an MLP story, and it has been YEARS since I last wrote anything, so hopefully this doesn't turn out so bad. I already know I need to work on description, so if you have any advice that could help, please state them. All criticism welcome, even the mean ones. I'm a big boy, I can handle it.

Next Chapter: Johnny Bravo and the flying donkey of doom Estimated time remaining: 50 Minutes
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