Twilight had been staring at the paper for a while. Her quills sat on the desk, untouched. Her inkwell was still full. Every time her magic flared or her hoof rose up, intending to grab a quill and write something, she froze. Then her body settled into the same position, and she stared at the paper some more.

She had lost track of how many times she had done that.

Somepony knocked on the library door. It was sharp and loud, probably Applejack.

“Come in.” The response was purely reflex. Twilight didn’t bother to look up from the blank parchment.

“Twi’?” Applejack poked her head into the building. “Pinkie Pie’s ‘welcome back’ party is startin’ soon. I figured we could walk over together.”

“I don’t think I’m going.”

“Oh?” Applejack stepped into the library. Her nostrils flared a little as the smell hit her—light, but it was definitely aging sweat. “And why not? I figured ya’d be the first pony there.”

“She’s throwing it for the town, not herself. I already know she’s back. I don’t need a party for that.”

“So? A little normalcy ain’t gonna hurt ya, after everything that’s happened.”

Twilight still hadn’t looked up from her desk. “I have to finish this letter.”

Applejack walked over, poked her head towards Twilight’s and over the paper. “Yeah, well. I guess you’re really in the middle of it? Who’s this for, that it’s so important?”

“Princess Celestia.”

“Oh, well, I’m sure you can finish it later. It’ll still be here after the party.”

“But that’s the problem!” Twilight nearly shouted it. The sudden contrast with her reflexive monotone made Applejack start. “It’s been days and I still don’t know what to write!”

“It’s just a letter, Twi’.”

“Just a letter?” Twilight finally looked up. There was a hint of puffiness around her eyes. “Don’t you get it, AJ? I’m supposed to write about lessons I learned. If I can’t think of anything to write, that means I didn’t learn anything.”

Twilight poked at one of her quills. “And…and if I didn’t learn anything, that means that everything that happened—what I did to the town, what I did to my friends, what I did to Pinkie Pie—it was all for nothing.”

“Don’t be silly, Twilight. It wasn’t all for nothin’. I mean, we got Pinkie Pie back, and Celestia said she’d help the clone. Everything turned out fine, pretty much.”

“And what if Pinkie Pie hadn’t come back?”

Applejack didn’t respond.

Twilight was still fidgeting with her quill. She had started to roll it between her hoof and the desk, and the barbs were starting to wrinkle. “Do you remember the time I cast that spell on my doll, and the whole town went crazy?”

“Yeah…”

“I still remember the letter we wrote. I’ve memorized them all. ‘Don’t let your worries turn a small problem into an enormous one.’ And we didn’t write it down, but I also learned not to use magic for all my problems.” Twilight’s hoof stopped. “Except, I didn’t learn anything, did I? If I hadn’t been such a…such a grief-ridden idiot, none of this would have happened.”

“Twilight!”

“Don’t give me that, AJ!” Twilight flung the quill off her desk. “I thought that I was becoming a better pony here, and it turns out that I’m still a neurotic, short-sighted mess!” Twilight looked up, and the puffiness from before had become actual tears. “That’s what I learned! That I’m still the same horrible pony I always was!” Twilight planted her hooves on the desk. She stood up, her back legs shaking and tears dripping onto the paper. “And…and Princess Celestia knows that! That look she gave me when she came to collect the clone… I knew this would happen if she found out. She didn’t say anything, but she didn’t need to. I can’t write this stupid letter because I learned something awful, and I don’t need to because the Princess already realized I’m a lost cause!”

Twilight swept the paper off the desk. Her balance wobbled from the action, and she slumped back down, her face resting on her forelegs.

Applejack walked over, rested a hoof on her shoulder. “Twilight, you’re bein’ too hard on yourself. Nopony handles grief well. You’re not a failure for acting equine.”

Twilight didn’t respond.

“And I know it might seem frustratin’, not havin’ a simple resolution to everythin’, but complicated problems have complicated answers. Someday, when all this is all behind us, you can look back and take some answers from this whole mess. But it ain’t gonna just settle into a pretty letter for ya. I think that’s why the Princess didn’t talk to ya. None of this nonsense about being a horrible pony.”

“Really?” Twilight turned her head to side. Her tears had slowed.

“Really really,” Applejack said.

“So, I’m not a horrible pony?”

“Of course not!” Applejack rested her other hoof on Twilight’s foreleg. “You’re one of the kindest, smartest ponies I know. We all make mistakes, Twi’. Some of them just take longer to learn from, and some just cause more damage before they teach those lessons.”

“I guess…I guess you’re right.”

“Of course I am. Now c’mon, we have a Pinkie Party to get to.”

“Yeah, I guess we do.”

Applejack helped Twilight up. Twilight wiped her face messily on her foreleg, and the two of them walked to the door. Twilight’s hoof lingered on the door handle. She looked back over her shoulder; the crumpled, tear-stained parchment was still on the floor.

Finally, she tore her gaze away and walked into the crisp evening air. She could clean it up after the party. Maybe Applejack was right; maybe she didn't need to write a letter. After all, ponies are defined by their experiences, good and bad. That's what the letters were for, helping her to remember and learn from her experiences. And, whether she wanted to or not, she would remember this for a long time. And despite what they kept telling her, everypony else would too.

Author's Notes:

A special thanks to Nonagon for editing. Everyone who edited for me was helpful, but Nonagon definitely had the most impact on the final product. If you liked this story, don't forget to check out some of my prereader's pages—stories are products of both their writers and editors, after all.

I considered doing a sort of Director's Commentary/A blog post where I reflected/elaborated on the story chapter-by-chapter or something to that effect. I'm not sure if that many people would be interested, though. I intentionally kept the author's notes sparse so as not to impede/spoil the story or debate, and I'm not sure that such a post would add much.

Thanks for reading. While it was emotionally draining, this was consistently one of my favorite stories to update, because of the strong audience reactions and debates it sparked.