Our Mom Princess Luna
Part 1: A is for Adoption

Princess Luna sat quietly upon her throne, looking about rather apprehensively. There was a certain nervousness about her, as though she were expecting somepony to jump out from behind a column with a torch and pitchfork to lynch her. Her return had been met with caution, odd looks, and even some fear. Nightmare Night had gone well in the end, yes, but things were still shifting with her in the public eye. She wasn’t sure what sort of image she should be presenting. If the Royal Canterlot Voice and the Royal We no longer existed, she would need to really work herself to modernize.

Oh sure, there had been some delightful pranks already involving a microwave, a phonogram, the electric light, and other things. Her sister Celestia had had more than her share of fun scaring, startling, and showing off all the modern inventions that ponies had come up with over the past thousand years. Why, only a few days ago Luna had sworn she’d seen a pink earth pony mare ride by in a hoof-powered flying machine. Who knew earth ponies would someday take to the skies like that?!

“Princess Luna?”

“Yes!?” Luna startled out of her thoughts, her wings snapping open and to attention.

The stallion that had spoken leaned back a little fearfully, lifting a hoof like he might bolt. “Er, your mail?” he offered a silvery platter up at her from the bottom of the dais.

“O-oh.” Luna said, cocking her head. Taking it with a flick of magic, she set the stack of private mail next to herself. By private mail, one means the mail that had not been stopped by secretaries, petition-grabbers, other ponies that handled smaller things like that. The night time Princess, like any other pony, did in fact still get junk mail. Rolling her eyes with a little smile, she peered down at it with interest. “Oh! I may already be a winner?” she said, eyes wide at the red-striped envelope before her. “Nonsense, I’ve entered no contest!” she ripped it open and began to read. “Piffle.” She flicked the paper with alicorn magic, making it burst into flames. More than one guard flinched. She flipped through the others, mumbling down names and things she did not recognize. Then she saw a golden seal on a return address and it caught her eye. “What’s this?” she murmured. Taking it from the stack she opened it. It was a bank statement:

Dear Princess Luna,

We, the First Bank of Equestria welcome you back from your extended leave of absence and wish to inform you that your account is still active, open, and has been properly maintained by our finest accountants for the past thousand and one years. If you would like to review your funds or have any questions, please come and see us and we will be glad to discuss any details. Our interest-gathering rates have fluxuated with the economy over the centuries, but your sister Princess Celestia has seen to it that all your affairs were maintained and in order.

We also wish to inform you that your account has been switched from inactive savings to active checking, and bestow all benefits therein. We look forward to doing business with you in any and all financial pursuits you may have in the future.

Happy New Year!

Sincerely, Penny Earned, President and CEO of The First Bank of Equestria

Luna frowned thoughtfully, setting the rest of her mail aside. She would have to see about this. If her sister had been maintaining her coffers over the centuries, the interest was bound to be quite a sum. Perhaps she could refurnish her ancient bedroom, redecorate the Lunar Chapel, or something of the sort.

=-----=-----=-----=-----=

7,207,230,061 bits.

“Princess Luna, are you alright?” the banker across from the Princess asked with concern. She was a deep green thing with a money sign on her rump, a pearl necklace and stuff-looking vest on. “You seem… pale.” She said, pushing a little glass of water her way. Silence reigned in the bank office for almost a full ten seconds.

“Seven BILLION bits!” Luna exploded, shuddering the ceiling-high windows a bit. “Accounting for inflation that is still… still… outrageous! Our private coffers have never been so bountiful!” The dark alicorn leaned forward. “Art thou sure thy caculations are correct?” she squinted a little at the modern calculator sitting on the desk.

“Yes of course, your Majesty!” said the mare, cocking her head a little. “We have ledgers and ledgers of the private royal accounts, if you’d like to see them.” She rose from her desk, pressing a hidden panel. The portrait of a piggy bank on the wall swung on a hinge, revealing a safe. After some crafty hoofwork turning the dial this way and that, the thick steel door swung open as well. The inside was filled with drawers, and she pulled the top one. It was marked with the Lunar Royal Crest. Luna noted the Solar Royal crest was on the SECOND drawer down, interesting… Getting a thick, leather-bound ledger from the drawer, the banking president turned about and brought it to her, blowing dust off of it. “It all here, of course. Your compound interest rates over time, economic investments dating back to before you were away—” there was an awkward pause there. “Why, you bought most of the stock to a hay company that grew into the biggest in Equestria! That alone was enough to make you rather wealthy in your private accounts, Princess.” She turned the book about for Luna to scan.

The alicorn leaned, flicking her eyes back and forth over the numbers. A dozen or so calculations ran through her head. Turning a bit, she conjured a wooden abacus from nothing. The banker stared as the Princess worked, and opened her mouth. “Hush.” Luna said rather firmly, working back and forth with the beads. She flipped a page, her magic clicking back and forth with her device. The guards by the door looked at each other with wry smiles. Her Majesty was not only an artist but a mathematical genius, they’d learned in the short months since her return. She’d often spend hours looking out the window from her throne, moving singular stars until they were just so, because the angles were ‘wrong’. Click. Click-click-clickclick-k-k-click. This went on for a rather nerve-wracking amount of time, pages flipping as she went. When the banker was sure she was about to fall asleep, the alicorn suddenly SNAPPED the ledger closed with ghusto. “Commendable. Your margin of error is less than seven-eighteenth’s of a percent. Only approximately twenty-eight million of those bits are not mine.” She gestured to the abacus, as though that would tell the mortal mare everything. “But, very well done for a thousand year’s worth of book-keeping!” she smiled in praise, making everypony else blink at her curiously. “Make it a round twenty-nine million, and donate that odd money from my account to a worthy charity in my name, will you?” she stood slowly, vanishing the abacus with magic.

“O-of course…” the money-flanked mare looked a little pale. Twenty-nine million bits as a margin of error?! Outrageous! Then again, a thousand years was a long time. There was bound to be a one that didn’t get carried here, or a hooffull of bits that went unaccounted for there. But… but it was the Royal Private Coffers! She was so sure that everything had been perfectly maintained. It was a blow to her pride and to her bank.

“Be not sad, madam president banker.” Luna said, offering a comforting smile and folding her wings. “Ninety-nine percent accuracy is more than most ponies ever become in their life-long mathematics. What you’ve been working with is well over fifteen lifetimes. We art pleased with thou!” she emphasized, which seemed to make Penny Saved feel much better. “Please, maintain my account as thou has been, and we shalt do business together again soon!” she offered a kinder smile, rising and turning away.

“Y-yes, of course!” Penny said, heaving a sigh of relief. She could not imagine even one pony that would be pleased about a misplaced twenty-nine million bits, but leave it to an immortal alicorn to say it was okay and give it to charity. “See you again soon, Your Majesty.” She rose and bowed as the alicorn left. The guards nodded once in an official way, then turned to follow her.

=-----=-----=-----=-----=

Luna sat pensive on her balcony as the moon slowly slid towards the horizon by her will. The night was almost over, but she had much to think about and many things troubled her. Near the top of the list, however, was her sudden explosion of finances. What could she possibly do with over seven billion bits? Charities? Hospitals? Roads? Foreign trade?

The black alicorn stroked her chin a bit, then reached and plucked a star from the sky. Shining it on her breast for a moment, she put it back and watched it twinkle for a bit. Maybe she should do nothing at all? The money had sat perfectly fine in the bank for a thousand years. She was, in fact, a Princess. She had everything she could ever want and more. She lived in a palace with a grand library, a sister that loved her, a harem of stallions to cuddle her and feed her chocolates, a court that hung on her every word. “I don’t need it at all.” She said it aloud to taste the words. “Tia was kind to maintain our accounts for us, but such an outrageous sum is too much for anypony to handle wisely. Not even us.” She looked down at
her gilded hooves, deep in thought.

She spent the next twenty minutes wrapping her mind around the number itself. Billion. ‘Billion’ was a word she’d only ever used for stars. There were so many that was close to the correct word when it came to the ones that could be seen with the naked eye and telescopes. She plucked another star, shined it after breathing on it for a moment, then replaced it in the sky precisely where she’d found it. Cocking her head, she nudged it to the left a little. Perfect.

Luna sighed aloud, feeling the weight of responsibility weigh on her. The money was doing nopony any good just sitting there, and it was bothering her. The kind-hearted Princess entertained a number of scenerios. Charity, perhaps? Like she’d done with the money that had been conjured by bad math? The bank might suffer a bit for that, but they would rebuild if they were truly still the bank both Princesses brought their patronage to. Maybe she could give it all to education? To hospitals? Old folks homes? Homeless shelters?

She frowned a bit. Dumping seven billion bits into the economy so suddenly was probably not the best of ideas. Lop-siding the weight of money on any scale or set of businesses could spell economic disaster for years. She didn’t want to give it to struggling businesses, they were struggling for a reason. Not to larger companies either, they would not be obligated to spend it and might hoard it away for self-interests. Perhaps to the common pony? She chuckled a little, imagining sending a thousand bits to everypony in Equestria. But even then there would be billions left over, and a lot of citizens would scratch their heads and wonder if their night Princess was trying to buy friendship or something of the sort. The dark alicorn wilted at the thought. She was still under public scrutiny, sort of, since not many ponies could separate her from Nightmare Moon yet. The public spotlight was not kind, so she’d stayed out of it for the moment.

Sighing tiredly, Luna put her chin on the railing of her balcony. The cool stone soothed her worried, hot neck. She stared at the streets below, the ponies who had jobs before the crack of dawn stumbling about in their half-wakefulness. Night was a time for rest, relaxation, lovemaking and comfort. Quiet time and soothing bristles of the cold breeze. It was nippy in early December, after all, and she could see her breath. Mumbling worriedly, she made to turn away but gave a start when there was commotion below.

A trash can was pitched over, spilling its contents out into the street. Luna squinted, her alicorn magic giving her sight beyond sight to see the scene up close. A garbage pony had roughly revealed the hideout of a scrappy-looking homeless foal, who ran yelping from his little hovel-nest. “Git outta here, kid!” the grown stallion shook an angry hoof. “I dun need you, rippin’ bags open for scraps and makin’ my job harder! Its miserable enough bein’ out here ‘fore the crack’a dawn doin’ this!” Luna frowned at him, but yelling at a child was hardly reason for divine wrath and being struck with lightning. Instead, her eyes followed the little foal as he scampered up a fire escape, leapt from a roof and hid behind a chimney. There, he panted and shivered for a time. He’d left all his blankets behind, along with whatever else he’d had in his fear of the garbage pony. He had little black bags under his eyes, and his ribs were showing a bit. Who was that? Did he not have a mother and father to care for him? No home or family? Why did he look so pale and sickly? The Princess who had more than plenty watched him with interest as he found a new alley to stay in. Heaving open a dumpster and rooting around for a bit, he found one that was full of folded boxes instead of regular trash. His face lit up, and he leapt inside. Making a nice cozy hovel in there, he flopped onto his belly with what seemed to be a content sigh.

“Content among boxes and filth, little one?” Luna murmured sadly. “Why not run to a homeless shelter? An orphanage? Surely they would care for thee?” She opened her wings to go speak with him directly, but he’d already curled up and fallen asleep. The boxes insulated him nicely, and other than the growly sounds of his little belly he looked content. The dark alicorn watched his breath rise and fall for a long time. She could not bear it.

The Goddess turned her eyes to other alleyways, wondering if the foal was one of a kind. But no, there were others. Lost foals. Why no grown ponies? Who was casting out all these children? Why? It made Luna angry, and she scowled. There was something wrong here, very wrong indeed. Canterlot was a city of splendors and while no city was without its crime, violence or underbelly, homeless foals was too personal. Luna had been alone for a thousand years, and she’d be damned by her mother Faust herself if she allowed this to continue. “I know what I must do.” She whispered, her breath coming in a slow, hot stream of steam. “Boundless wealth before me, and endless misery beneath me. I know what I must do.” She nodded to confirm it to herself, then LEAPT from the balcony as her wings snapped open. The cold rushed by her, but it only made her feel the rush, feel more alive. “Won’t Tia be surprised?” she giggled a bit. Song rushed into her heart as she swooped back and forth between the buildings:

End of Part 1
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