Child of the Moon:

The inside story of an Alicorn's Birth

reporter:Soft Soap

Less than a year ago, Equestria was rocked to its core by an unprecedented event: the return of the ancient menace of Nightmare Moon. A sinister cult amassed, seeking to resurrect the Mare in the Moon and bring eternal night to Equestria-- and this time she would succeed. Eventually the Night ended, the Princesses were returned to their throne, and the world was restored. But between those two momentous occasions, an extraordinary story had unfolded: one involving a unicorn mare, a botched spell, and a tiny alicorn filly...

Twilight magically flipped through her copy of the paper, smiling in delight. Soft Soap had kept to his word; the story he had published was thorough, meticulous, and very well written... and put a surprising amount of positive spin on Nyx's story, without resorting to any falsehood or distortion. Even Applejack would approve.

She took a bite out of her banana and flipped to the next page. Nearly the entire issue of the paper was devoted to Nyx's story. There were a ton of pictures as well; along with the photo of Nyx and herself from the botched attack, there were photos of Nyx posing for the camera, Nyx and her friend watching a movie, Nyx shouting into the microphone at the banquet (she just had to put that in their scrapbook, it was hysterical), Nyx answering her mail, Nyx gleefully cuddling one of the plushies that had been sent to her, Nyx plying her friend Bright Eyes with some of the candy from Soft Soap's gift basket (all but cramming it into his mouth with her hoof, it was adorable)... they had even managed to scrounge up pictures, Celestia only knew how, from further back-- Nyx playing tug-of-war at the Fair, Nyx's performance in the school play...  a few of her brief reign as Queen Nightmare Moon, but surprisingly few; Soft Soap had deliberately kept his emphasis off Nyx the Nightmare, and on Nyx the Filly.

She had to admire his spin on Nyx's birth; his emphasis and perspective was not so much that the Cultists had reincarnated Nightmare Moon, but rather that they had created a little filly by accident, then tried (and failed) to turn her into the evil Mare of Darkness. It was arguably, technically true... all things considered.... but at the same time put an emphasis on Nyx's innocence. Not everypony would buy the spin, especially back in Equestria, but it would at least sway a lot of uncertain and undecided ponies, and strengthen the conviction of those that had already absolved her.

The cute pictures certainly wouldn't hurt either. For a hard-hitting journalist, Soft Soap certainly was a sentimental sort.

Twilight had been walking about through the royal quarters, flipping through the newspaper and munching on a quick breakfast of fruit, both levitated in front of her, while she gathered up her things for yet another trip to the Royal library and another day of trying to track down the Lost Tomb through myth, legend and lore. She was mostly waiting for Roller Reel to arrive. Nyx was in the study with her grandparents, diligently and stubbornly writing out thank you cards for the gifts sent by well-wishing ponies. Nothing anypony said could persuade her that she didn't have to do them all herself. Cadence had tried to explain that even she and Shining had secretaries who handled most of their mail, but Nyx was determined to do it on her own...

Twilight chuckled to herself. The silly filly was going to be worn to a nub before the day was out. And there was probably another pile of letters, cards and packages already on their way. At least Mom and Dad were there helping her read through the mail... one would almost think Nyx had inherited a bit of Twilight's obsessive compulsive streak.

Twilight had just made a resolution to try and persuade Nyx when she got back to let one of the secretaries help her when there was a loud thump from outside. Startled, Twilight lowered her newspaper. She was standing next to the glass-- well, crystal-- doors that led to the royal balcony, from which Cadence frequently addressed her subjects. Curious, Twilight opened the doors and stepped out onto the balcony. There lying at her feet was what appeared to be a pegasus pony wrapped up tightly in a weighted net. The rainbow mane and tail sticking out made it obvious who it was. The bound pony wriggled and mumbled, glaring at Twilight like the world's angriest cyan-colored burrito. Floating nearby was a security balloon with one Crystal Empire guard in the basket, wielding a large net gun and looking very pleased with himself.

"Rainbow Dash," Twilight groaned, "What have you done this time?"

It took a few minutes to clear things up with the castle security, but after a lot of lengthy explanations, eventually Twilight had Rainbow Dash untied, all five of her friends cleared through the security detail and everypony all sitting together in the royal quarters, having a refreshing drink after their long trip. Not necessarily in that order.

"You didn't have to leave me tied up and lying on the floor the entire time," Rainbow Dash said, still sulking.

"Yes, yes I did," Twilight said calmly, sipping her iced tea. "The Crystal Empire just had its first assassination attempt, the palace security is strung tighter than an Appleoosan banjo and you decide to come rocketing through Crystal Empire airspace straight for the royal balcony.  Keeping you tied up till the royal guard calmed down was the smart thing to do. You're lucky the air patrol went for their net guns instead of their crossbows." Rainbow Dash scowled over her glass of cola  but said nothing.

"Anyway, what are you girls doing here?" Twilight asked. "No wait, let me guess, you saw the story about the bomber attack--"

"Indeed we did, dear," Rarity said. "And we went right out and got tickets on the next train to the Crystal Empire!"

Twilight shook her head and smiled. "I should have figured," she said with amused chagrin.

"Are you okay, Twilight?" Fluttershy said. "I mean, I know the article said that you and Nyx were okay, but-- are you okay?" The pale pegasus fretted.

Twilight reached out and patted Fluttershy's hoof with her own. "We're all just fine, Fluttershy, really," she said to her flighty friend. "Nobody was even injured. Not even the madpony with the bomb."

"How?" Applejack said bluntly.

"Yeah," Dash agreed. "I mean, I know the newspaper said the bomb was 'defective,' whatever that means, but--"

Twilight explained. The minute Dash heard the description of the results, she nearly fell out of her chair laughing. "That is awesome!!" she howled. "I can't believe he mistook our old prank book for a revolutionary's guide--"

"Yeah, about that..." Twilight started to say, but Applejack interrupted her.

"You two published a book?"

"Hey, don't sound so surprised," Rainbow said, miffed. "We've done so many awesome pranks over the years, we just had to share 'em. So we took all our notes and plans and made a book." She grumped a little. "We woulda got a real publishing deal too if Pinkie Pie hadn't covered that editor in cake batter."

"I loaded the confetti in the wrong cannon," Pinkie explained.

"We printed a couple hundred copies, but it really didn't sell well. We, uh, had an anonymous donor in Canterlot," Rainbow added hastily, rolling her eyes. Pinkie started whistling and trying to look innocent.

Twilight's eyebrows tabled. "Yeah. I figured. I think I need to write a little friendship letter to 'Sunny Days' in the near future," she quipped.

"Speaking of books and such," Applejack chipped in, "How's that thing with the library, and the ah, lost tomb of whatever?"

"The Lost Tomb of the Founders," Twilight said. "Or the Lost Tomb of Chancellor Level Head."

Applejack shook her head. "Can't believe we been gettin' that wrong all these years," she said. "And to think it was an insult, too. What would that poor Chancellor thunk if he'd known..."

"Aw," Pinkie said with a sniff. "No more Puddinghead on Hearthwarming Day..." Applejack chuckled and patted the pink pony on her shoulder.

"Well, the reorganization of the library is actually almost done," Twilight said. "And what we've done is going to revolutionize the library sciences!"

"Really?" Rarity said.

"...There's such a thing as library science?" Rainbow Dash muttered. Twilight ignored her.

"But what about the tomb?" Applejack asked.

Twilight hesitated. "We're close. Very close," she said. "We've found repeated references to it being in the Ghibli Hills." She gave a grimace and rolled her eyes. "Now we just have to figure out which hills-- to the West, East, or North."

"Oh, we aren't holding you up, are we?" Applejack said. "Surely you gotta get back to work with all that--"

"Actually, I was waiting for my cinematographer to arrive," Twilight said.

"Your cinnamon what?" Pinkie said, her head cocked to the side.

"Cinematographer. A camera pony. He's filming all this for a documentary."

"Ooo, up on the Silver Screen, n'est-ce pas?" Rarity said with a twinkle in her eye.

"Well, someplace I'm sure," Twilight said. "It's not exactly going to be the next Gone with the Windigoes."

Waldorf entered the room with a tray to retrieve their glasses. "A Mister Roller Reel to see you, Miss," he said smoothly to Twilight. Right behind him came the scruffy teenage pony, camera mounted on his shoulder and saddlebags stuffed with film cartridges slung over his back. "Hey, Miss Twilight, I'm sorry I'm la--- wuhohoah." Roller came to a screeching halt.

--An orange earth filly with a golden mane and an apple cutie mark, she was wearing a stetson, freckles on her cheeks, shapely yet muscular, had to be a farm girl, she had that look about her--  a cute pink earth filly with a curly mane and a huge smile, all perky and bubbly-- whoa, a dazzling white unicorn mare with a purple mane and serious high-class looks, definitely high maintenance, check out that diamond cutie mark-- a sleek blue pegasus with a lightning bolt cutie mark and a rainbow mane, had to be an athlete of some kind, you could tell she worked out--  oh gosh, a yellow pegasus filly with a waterfall of pink mane and the biggest blue eyes he'd ever seen--  

It has to be kept in mind: Roller Reel was a colt. He was a teenage colt, one who had spent the early portion of that awkward stage not at the beach girlwatching or at school dances flirting with the local cheerleader fillies, but hiding from the press gangs in the basement of his home and slaving in King Sombra's mines. Fillies, in brief, had been less of a part of his life and more like a distant dreamlike concept. It had been intimidating enough working under with as a subordinate to the rather pretty protege of a Princess.

And now he had, without warning, walked in the middle of a room filled with what were routinely regarded, by those that commented on that sort of thing, as six of the hottest young mares in Equestria.(1) He took one sweeping look at the roomful of beauties, heard their friendly 'helloes', and felt an emotion flush through his body he'd never felt before.(2)

He gave them his suavest smile(3) and smoothed his mane back. "Hey, ladies," he said, threw up an elbow to lean on the back of Twilight's chair, missed entirely and fell flat on his face at their hooves.

The girls exploded in laughter. "Are you all right, Roller?" Twilight asked, concerned. Giggling, but still concerned.

Roller just grumbled something, mortified. The fancy white unicorn leaned down and tapped him on the nose with a hoof. "Aww, he's adorable," she said, fluttering her lashes at him. "We'll just have to keep him, won't we Twilight?" Roller grinned and turned beet red.

This of course was the moment that Spike came walking in, carrying Twilight's extra saddlebags. "Okay, I got your extra extra quills and ink, all packed, Twi, we can head out as soon as--" he stopped dead at the sight of Rarity, his Rarity,  with that dorky stallion with the movie camera who'd been following them around all week lying at her feet. She was practically nose to nose with him and fluttering her lashes at him.

"As soon as Roller gets here," he finished, disgusted.

Pinkie Pie leaned over to Dash. "Uh oh, trouble in paradise," she muttered. Rainbow nodded.

Rarity suddenly looked up at Twilight. "Oh, I do apologize for imposing by bringing Sweetiebelle along, Twilight," she said. "But when we heard the news about the bomber she was absolutely frantic..."

"Ayeh, Applebloom just about went spare, too," Applejack said. "The girls woulda never forgive us if we hadn't brung 'em along."

Rainbow Dash rubbed the back of her head. "Eeeehhh, I couldn't just leave Scootaloo standing there on the platform," she admitted awkwardly. "I sprung for her ticket at the last minute."

Twilight smiled and rolled her eyes. "It's a big palace, I'm sure Cadence and Shining won't mind," she said. "At least not for a day. And Mom and Dad can watch them while we're at the library. So, are we ready to go?"

There was a gleeful little reunion going on in the library under the indulgent eye of Twilight Velvet and Night Light. Sweetie, Applebloom and Scootaloo had pounced on a delighted Nyx the moment they came through the door. Nyx squealed and hugged all three. "What are you doing here? I missed you guys!"

"We all heard what happened and wild horses couldn't keep us away," Applebloom said.

"Yeah," Sweetiebelle squeaked. "It musta been so scary..."

Nyx nodded fervently. "It was." She shivered. "I just looked up and he was running straight for us... yelling about 'death to the antelopes--"

"That's 'interlopers,' dear," Twilight Velvet corrected her.

Nyx looked up and blushed briefly. "Oh, um, everypony, this is my Grandma Velvet and Grandpa Night Light," she said, obviously pleased to be saying it.

"Hello girls," Velvet said, smiling. Night Light just grinned and gave them a jaunty salute.

"Oh, and this is Bright Eyes," Nyx went on. "He's a friend I met at the movie theater."  The colt waved bashfully.

Scootaloo looked around at the piles of mail and packages. "So what're you doing?" she asked.

Nyx sighed. "Answering mail," she said. "Sending thank-you letters and stuff."

"You get fanmail?" Applebloom said in surprise.

Nyx nodded. "Ever since the newspapers put that picture of Mom and me on the front page," she said.

"Gosh, how many letters did you get?" Sweetiebelle asked, looking around at the piles stacked everywhere.

"Oh, about a thousand," Nyx said.

"Aaaaand how many thank you letters have you written?" Applebloom asked.

"About twelve." Nyx said, dismally.

The girls giggled at her. "Um, couldn't you, I dunno, get a whole bunch of those little 'thank you' cards and mail those instead?" Scootaloo asked.

Nyx sat back up. "But those aren't... you know... personal," she said. "Nope, I'm gonna do this myself...."

Waldorf made another of his spontaneous appearances, making the fillies yip in surprise. "Apologies for interrupting," he said smoothly. "But today's mail has been sorted and brought up. These are yours, I believe, young Miss..." With that he stepped aside and three Crystal guard ponies came trooping in. They dropped two bulging mailbags in front of the disbelieving alicorn filly, along with half a dozen packages and one fruit basket big enough to go boating in. They marched back out single file.

Nyx groaned and faceplanted. The girls laughed fit to bust.

"Aw, don't worry Nyx, we're here now!" Applebloom said. She set down her saddlebags and started rifling through them. Glue, scissors, ruler and compass and triangle, markers and pencils quickly appeared. "Sweetiebelle, do you have your arts an' crafts stuff?"

"Oh sure!" The pastel-maned unicorn filly dove into her own saddlebags, pulling out bottles of colored glitter, sparkly pens, sheets of shiny foil stickers, ink stamps, and crayons piled up next to her. "What stuff did you bring, Scootaloo?"

Scootaloo looked in her own saddlebags. "Um, a couple of cucumber sandwiches," she said. "They're sorta squashed, though." She looked over at Bright Eyes. "You want one?" Bright Eyes politely declined.

"Oh, well, I think we got enough," Applebloom said, eyeing the craft materials spread out on the floor. She turned to Night Light and Twilight Velvet. "Um, Sir, Ma'am, may we have some index cards please? And some stamps and envelopes?"

"How many?" Grandma Velvet asked.

Applebloom regarded the stacks and piles of mail all around the study. "Lots."

Grandpa Night Light turned to Waldorf. "Waldorf, old bean, would you be so kind as to fetch these fillies a few thousand index cards ...?"

"CUTIE MARK CRUSADER THANK YOU CARD WRITERS, YAY!"

In a matter of minutes, the four crusaders (plus one rather bowled-over crystal pony colt-- the girls had that effect on ponies new to them) had a rather efficient assembly line going. Bright Eyes (having the best writing) would spell out "THANK YOU" in large letters on an index card. The card would then be passed to the CMC, who would pass the card from hoof to hoof and ink stamp, sticker, glue, glitter, color or otherwise decorate, with Nyx going last; signing it and adding any final touches before passing it over to Grandma Velvet, who would pop it into an appropriately stamped envelope.

While that was being done, a package or envelope would be opened, Grandpa Night Light would read the enclosed letter, and the disposition of its contents would be debated. The fruit basket, at least, made a decent lunch with Scootaloo's cucumber sandwiches. They powered through piles of cards this way in no time at all.

"Dear Princess Nyx--" Grandpa Night Light read aloud. " I hope you are doing well, and you are feeling better after that awful thing that happened--" He had to pause as the girls snickered and gave Nyx teasing pokes. Nyx just looked disgusted. "Notaprincess," she grumbled for the hundredth time.

"Why don't you like being called a Princess?" Bright Eyes asked, confused. "I thought fillies liked that kind of stuff." To his surprise Scootaloo glared at him while Sweetiebelle giggled and Applebloom rolled her eyes.

"You go first, Nyx," Applebloom said in a monotone.

Nyx made a disgusted face. "Weren't you listening when I told Mr. Soap about when I was Nightmare Moon? Being a Queen sucked. Everything you ate was an art project. Everything I wore was uncomfortable. And every day it was--" here she affected a squeaky falsetto-- " 'Oh, Highness, you must do this, oh highness, you mustn't do that, oh highness, highness, highness! '-- Everypony was telling me what to do-- and I was the Evil Tyrant Queen! " She blew a raspberry. "Being a ruler stinks."

Bright Eyes feebly rallied to the defense of his gender stereotypes. "But... still..."

Scootaloo snorted. "What, so we're s'posed to like--" here she waved her hooves around-- "tiaras and sparkly junk and frilly fru fru stuff just because we're fillies?" she challenged.

"I like that stuff," Sweetiebelle protested meekly.

Scootaloo rolled her eyes. "Well sure, that's fine, 'cause you WANT to," she said. "But why is it everypony thinks we HAVE to, just because we're girls?" She snorted again. "Ever go to the filly's department in a toy store? Pink as far as the eye can see. Boys get cool boy stuff-- girls get stuff for BABIES." She turned back to the card in front of her and ink-stamped it with a heart, hard enough that it looked like she wanted to punch it in the eye. "I asked my Mom for a new Scooter for Hearthwarming Day-- and all she'd say was 'oh Scootykins, wouldn't you like a nice doll instead?' "

"What's wrong with dolls?" Sweetiebelle said, starting to get upset.

"Cause dolls aren't cool," Scootaloo said scornfully. "You wouldn't see a cool pony playing with a doll--" None of them noticed Bright Eyes turning pink at the cheeks and carefully scooting his saddlebags out of Scootaloo's line of sight.

"You have a Wonderbolts doll," Applebloom said in a sarcastic monotone.

"That's different!" Scootaloo said, convinced of her own unshakable logic. "Captain Kapow is a, a, an action figure."

"Made of plush," Applebloom deadpanned.

"Hey, he's cool..."

"Hey! Smarty Pants is cool too," Nyx said defiantly. In a moment of blinding obliviousness she pointed at Bright Eyes. "And Bright Eyes has a Bilbo Burro doll, and Bilbo's cool..."

The hapless colt found himself pinned by three pairs of filly eyes. Face flaming, he pulled his saddlebag out of hiding and withdrew Bilbo from his hiding place. He braced himself for teasing. The actual response caught him by complete surprise; Eyes shining, the orange tomboyish filly got one look at the plush burro and took him out of Bright Eyes' hooves. "Awww, cool, a Bilbo Burro doll!" she said, giving the plushie a cuddle. "I wanted to get one, they were selling them at the movie theatre in Ponyville when the movie came out but I didn't have enough bits, awww, he's so kyoo---"

She seemed to realize what she was doing and hastily pushed the doll back into its owner's hooves. "Uh yeah, anyway, whatever." She turned back to find herself facing three knowing smirks. "What?" She scowled belligerently. "You wanna make something of it?"

"Oh no no no," Sweetiebelle said smugly.

"You're right, Scootaloo. You're way too cool for dolls," Applebloom smirked.

"Yeah," Nyx sighed. "Iii guess I'll just give this guy to Sweetiebelle instead..." she reached behind her into a pile of unwrapped packages and pulled out a brown plush bear.

The delight on Sweetie's face was genuine. "Really? For me?" she squeaked. She grabbed the plushie and hugged it.

"Aaand I'll just give this one--- " Nyx said, pulling out another bear, this one buttercup yellow. "-- To Applebloom," hoofing the bear over to the farm filly. Nyx watched Scootaloo out of the corner of her eye. She could see the pegasus filly biting her lip and tracking the bear with wanting eyes.

Nyx giggled to herself. "And this one..." She pulled out yet another one, this one an absolutely huge panda bear, nearly as big as she was. (4)

"Another one?" Grandma Velvet noted in surprise.

"They must've had a sale," Grandpa Night Light shrugged.

Nyx pretended to think it over, tapping her hoof on her chin. "Gee, I guess I could give it to Scootaloo but since she's too cool for dolls and bears and stuff..." She actually heard Scootaloo whine a little under her breath. Nyx burst out laughing. "Oh here you go you silly filly," she said, stuffing the panda into the orange filly's eager forelimbs.

Scootaloo glowered at her friends over the bear's shoulder. "Nobody's tellin' nopony nuthin' about this," she said. Smiling, her friends made 'zip-lip' motions with their hooves.

"Oo, there's one here that's for you, Bright Eyes!" Nyx said. She pulled out a plush dragon and gave it to the colt. "He goes great with Bilbo..."

"You're giving your gifts away?" Grandpa Night Light asked.

"Umm, some-- I'm gonna keep a few, but I think I'll give the rest to ponies I know."

"It's nice you're going to share with all of your friends," Grandma Velvet said.

Nyx shrugged, feeling a little awkward. "Well I can't keep 'em all," Nyx said. "I wouldn't have enough space in my bedroom for me! And I sure couldn't eat all that candy. Besides," she added, "It's fun." Plus, she'd read enough books to know how this story went: the little filly gets all sorts of nice presents and then she turns into a horrible spoiled brat from getting so much stuff and has to have something terrible happen to her and learn an awful lesson at the end. Well no way was she going to fall into that trap! She'd already gone through turning into an evil Princess; flirting with one bad storybook plot in her lifetime was enough for her.

Nyx looked around at the stacks of gifts. "Maybe I better give a bunch to the Friendship Drive?(5) I could put Mister Whirligig(6) out of business if I gave these all away in Ponyville. I've got a few gifts picked out for the other Crusaders, though."

"That'd be good. Are you going to mail them back home? Or are you gonna just wait and bring them back with you?" Applebloom said.

"Probably mail them."

"Oh, don't worry about picking a gift for Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon though," Sweetiebelle said suddenly. "I already sent them something."

This earned her odd looks from the others, to say the least. "You sent Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon presents??" Applebloom said in disbelief.

"Yeah." Sweetiebelle's smile was pure sugar-coated evil. "A copy of the Trans Equestria Chronicle."

Back in Ponyville, in one of the more gentrified neighborhoods, a scream of inarticulate filly rage echoed to the skies....

Scootaloo cut in. "Um, how many more thank you cards do we have to do? I don't want to sound whiny but I'm starting to get kinda messy." It was true enough; she had shiny stickers in her mane and enough glitter in her coat to almost pass for a crystal pony.

Nyx looked around. Even with all five of them-- well, seven of them counting Grandma and Grandpa-- they still had a sizable way to go. And the girls would all be going back home tomorrow... She was really really REALLY starting to regret her decision to answer all her mail personally.

Grandpa Night Light regarded the stacks of finished cards, and the piles of opened letters, with a critical eye. "Hmm. Well, we'll need to count all the cards first, then count the letters, measure the postage, etcetera, ad infinitum, ad nauseum... Tell you what, Nyx, why don't you take a little break, go wash up, get that ink and glitter off your hooves, and while you're doing that your grandmother and I will count up how many letters you have done and how many you have to go."

"But..." Nyx protested.

"Don't worry, sprout, we know a little letter-counting spell or two that'll make the counting go lickety split. Now scoot, go on..."  A bit relieved, the fillies and colt got to their hooves and trotted off to the washroom to clean up and try to comb the glitter out. Night Light waited till they were out of sight and grinned at his wife. "My dear...?"

"You old con artist," Twilight Velvet smiled. "Letter counting spell, huh... the old R.S.V.P. spell I presume? You'd better be glad I still remember that spell from when I was working as one of Celestia's secretaries," Twilight Velvet chided.

"You know me well, sugarplum," Night Light said, doffing his bucket hat. "Shall we?"

The two lowered their heads together, lighting their horns up. The packages, letters, cards, and still-unused materials took on a mingled glow of pale blue and green, and floated up into the air.

The dance commenced.

Princesses, even magical ones, cannot really answer all the mail they receive in a day, but to not respond at all would be terrible. To this end, they employ an entire staff of ponies whose sole job is to screen, sort, read, and fairly often write responses to it all, setting aside the few that they deemed important enough for the actual royal touch. Around the holidays the inflow could get absolutely murderous. To handle the bulk of responses (to hearthwarming cards and such,) the staff resorted to a special magical incantation, created by and entrusted to them by Celestia herself...the R.S.V.P. spell.

It was normally only useful for those exact circumstances,(7)  but it was so useful for things such as holiday mailings and invitations that Twilight Velvet had made a point to never forget it-- and had taught it to her husband, so they could use it together.

The glitter, stickers, stamps and pens spun through the air, copying the hoof-made thank you cards en masse. Envelopes and cards popped open, their contents flying over to form a neat stack for later reading; return addresses were magically lifted and transferred to fresh clean envelopes, and the duplicated thank you notes dropped inside. With a final flourish a stamp would be affixed and the ready-to-mail envelope set aside.

In less than a minute every letter, card, and package had been given a corresponding thank you card. Twilight Velvet looked over the results with satisfaction. "Still got it," she said.

"Well now I could have told you that," Night Light said, donning his hat and giving his wife a peck on the cheek.

Nyx came galloping back in at that moment. 'Grandpa, Grandma, I forgot to ask what we were having for dinn--" she stopped on the spot, confusion plain on her face. "What-- how?" She stared in surprise at the stacks of empty envelopes and completed notes, ready for mailing.

"Congratulations, sprout!" Grandpa Night Light beamed. "Looks like you and your friends made more cards than you thought. Looks like you're pretty much done!"

Nyx scrunched up her nose and squinted at him. It was obvious she smelled a rat. "Really?" she said, doubt vividly coloring her voice.

"Of course, dear," Grandma Velvet said. "Say, I think pizza sounds good. Why don't you go ask your friends what toppings they like?"

Nyx hesitated, torn. She knew something was up, but there was no way they could have done all that work in less than a minute. Maybe they did make more cards than they thought...? She decided she was willing to let it slide, all things considered. "Okay, Grandma," She trotted off to the washroom to quiz her friends on pizza toppings.

Night Light and Velvet held their expressions until Nyx was out of sight again. Then they snickered like two foals.

Somewhere in the snowy mountains between the Crystal Kingdom and the Dragon lands...

The mountains were bitter, cold, and high, and cloaked in silence. Nothing lived on their frozen slopes; the stillness under the glare of the sun was unyielding.  Thus they had stood for thousands of years.

Their impermeable silence was broken by the sound of flapping. An enormous foot crunched down to earth, crushing stones the size of wagon wheels to gravel. The rest of the massive form followed as Grundle came crashing down. "Can't... fly no more," he wheezed. "Wings... won't hold me up!"

One by one, the other dragons in Garble's gang crashed down, their massive feet leaving inches-deep footprints in the frozen earth. Garble thudded down into the earth in front of them. "No duh, geniuses," he said. "We're too big now!" It was true: over the journey the fire opals they had gorged on were taking effect.  They were already each a little over half the size of the dragon that had darkened the skies over Ponyville with a cloud of smoke, and still growing. The only drawback was that the opal-fueled greed growth was distorted and disproportionate; it had left most of them with wings too small to fly.

All save Scrag. "Speak for yourselves, suckers," he said. "Wouldja look at this? Woohoo!" With him and Flange, Greed Growth had taken a different course. Their mutated growth had made them long and rangy, and most of their growth had gone into their wings. They soared overhead like enormous vultures, swooping and diving at their now ground-bound fellows.

"Aw man," Blizz growled, "Now we're never gonna get to the Crystal Empire!"

Garble glared down at them. "Yes we are, stupid."

"Walking the whole way?" Rockjaw complained.

Garble turned his glare on Rockjaw. He was somehow both far bigger and far lankier than any of the others; he outmassed even Grundle, and the tallest of them only came halfway up his elongated neck. His arms were thick and swollen with muscle. His crest had grown long and sharply spiked, and his shoulders had tripled in width and had huge horny protuberances, making him look like a linebacker. The word for his appearance was intimidating.  "You idiots," he said, sweeping his arm to indicate all of them. "We're, like, ten times bigger now! We can cross a country mile in like ten steps!  We're already halfway there, and it won't take us half the time we already took."

The others paused a moment, sticking their tongues out and counting on their claw tips. "So that means, um, we took how many days to fly this far, we're halfway there, we'll go, um, how much farther each day... carry the two... I think he's right," Blizz said.

"I dunno, I don't get them fancy mathematicals," Grundle shrugged.

Garble facepalmed. "The longer we walk, the bigger we get. The bigger we get, the faster we go. The faster we go, the sooner we get there. Got it?"  Five dimwits nodded as the light feebly dawned. "And look at us!" He held his arms out. "We're already taller than the trees! We're already so big we could stomp a pony army into toejam! By the time we get there there'll be no stopping us!"

He opened up the canvas bag at his hip. When they had started, it had taken two of them to carry the sailcloth bag full of fire opals; now Garble carried it at his hip like a purse. He started handing out fistfuls of fire opals to his friends. "Eat up, suckers. Another two days and we're gonna be chowin' down on the hoard of the Dragon King!"

"With the Crystal Empire for dessert!" Rockjaw laughed.

A bloodthirsty cheer went up from the teenage dragons.

1)Heck, one of them used to be a supermodel.

2)That would be terror.

3)Translation: grinned like a goof.

4)Little known secret: Scootaloo absolutely adored panda bears.

5)The pony equivalent of the Red Cross or the Salvation Army.

6)Ponyville's one and only toymaker.

7)One pony was caught using a pilfered copy of the spell to do bulk junk mailings as part of a postal scam. This nearly resulted in the spell being outlawed, which would have forced the staff to handle the royal mail entirely by hoof. Celestia gave the offender no punishment; she simply locked them in a room with her secretarial pool for half an hour. To this day the miscreant screams in terror at the sight of a rolodex.