"So I take it you had a very pleasant day?" Sassy Swallow asks Cadance and Shining Armor. They are once again convened in the therapist's office, the newlyweds together on the couch and Sassy Swallow on her usual chair. Yet again the prim and proper therapist, she has her mane in a tight bun and her usual writing pad on her lap. Lifting her head up from her notes, she even smiles a little, but it quickly vanishes from her lips as she sees the expressions on the couple's faces. "Is something wrong?"

Both Cadance and Shining Armor look down, then away from each other. Shining Armor lets out a trembling sigh, the final confirmation to Sassy's suspicions. After a long minute of silence, during which the grandfather clock slowly slices away the seconds, Cadance finally speaks. "I think you were just tired after everything and—"

"No," Shining Armor interrupts her. He doesn't even shout, but the desperation in his voice is enough to silence the room once more. He takes a few breaths, trying to steady his nerves, but it does little. The burning sensation in his eyes is back, even though he thought he'd cried all the tears he had left last night. "It just doesn't work. I can't get it to work no matter what happens. I... I..." The first burning drop slides out of his eye and down his cheek. "I fucking give up, okay? I can't get it up and that's it. Ever."

"Shiny, please don't say that." Cadance tries to stroke her husband's shoulder, but he angrily wipes the comforting hoof away.

He turns around, but doesn't even raise his voice. "Why? Why shouldn't I say that? It's true, isn't it? If there ever was a time I'd get it to work, it woulda been last night." He shakes his head. "It's dead. Just forget about it."

Cadance opens up her mouth to speak, but no words come out. Her shoulders sag and she once again returns to staring at the carpet on the floor.

"You didn't get an erection?" Sassy Swallow asks in her calm voice.

He jumps up from the sofa and shouts at the therapist. "Why, yes! My fucking cock was limp as a dead fish and wouldn't even come out! Thanks for pointing out the obvious, you fucking cu—"

"Shining Armor!" Cadance shouts.

It has the effect of a bucket of ice-cold water being poured down Shining Armor's neck. His legs tremble for a moment before giving up under him and planting him onto his rump on the floor. The thump sends burning hot stabs of pain along his injured side, still sore from a few days ago. "Uggh... Doc, I mean, Mrs. Swallow, I didn't mean—"

"No offence taken, Mr. Armor. You are allowed to say anything you want here, but please try to remember that I am not trying to antagonize you. The reason I asked about your erection was that you were only referring to 'it' and I wished to avoid possible misunderstandings."

"Oh, uhh, right." After he sees the disapproving expression on Cadance's face, he adds ”Sorry.” He tries to get back onto his hooves, but another jolt of pain makes him decide otherwise.

"Did anything else happen yesterday?" Sassy Swallow asks.

Cadance and Shining Armor look at each other, but both shake their heads. "I kept the rest of the morning off and did some paperwork in the afternoon," Cadance says. "We turned in early."

"I just kinda slept the whole day," Shining Armor says, and adds in a more quiet voice "And night." Both he and Cadance share a sigh.

"Have you thought of approaching the problem from a different angle?" Sassy Swallow asks.

Cadance looks at her crestfallen husband, who doesn't seem to want to consider any angles to anything at the moment. "I'm not sure I understand," she says.

"This therapy has changed focus quite far from the original problem almost from the beginning. It is clear that both of you have gone through some very difficult times recently and all of those things have added up on top of each other. Maybe it is now time to step back a bit and return to the original topic?"

Cadance shakes her head in confusion. "Excuse me, what?"

"We have talked about the trauma both of you have suffered during the Changeling Invasion. The fact that you have been able to be so open about it with both myself and each other is quite rare in my profession." Sassy Swallow allows her professional facade to crack for a moment as she smiles. "You have been able to heal your relationship so much in such a short time, all thanks to the effort you both have put into it and the care which you show for each other."

Cadance leans forward and places her forehooves onto Shining Armor's shoulders. He turns his head and they share a short nuzzle. Their horns touch with a quiet clack. Holding his breath, he inches closer to the couch. He exhales slowly and leans on the edge of the sofa between Cadance's legs.

Sassy Swallow's countenance returns to that of a prim and proper professional. "Maybe it would help if you took a step back from the bigger picture, and instead concentrated on only one specific part for now. The reason that brought you to my daughter and me in the first place."

"Like, my uselessness?" Shining Armor mutters.

"There is no reason for self-degradation. But yes, I would like you to focus only on your erectile dysfunction for the moment. It would be very helpful if we went through some of the thoughts and feelings you experience on the matter."

Shining Armor leans back against Cadance. He feels the warmth radiating from her legs and her gold-shod forehooves gently stroking his mane. It gives him the tiny nudge of courage he needs to open up. "Well, okay. I can't get my... penis up. With Cady, that is. It works, well, otherwise, but not with her."

"How does that make you feel?" Sassy asks.

Shining Armor barks out an unamused laugh. "You even gotta ask me that? It pis... it's frustrating and embarrassing. I have no idea why. I know for one-hundred-percent sure that I love Cady." He feels Cadance place a small kiss onto his neck. "And that she loves me too. So I have no idea why I can't get it up with her."

"What if it isn't about your feelings, but something else entirely?"

"Huh? Why wouldn't it be about my feelings? Isn't that what all this was about?" Shining Armor asks.

"I'm not sure I follow either, Mrs. Swallow," Cadance says.

"Both of you are certain that you have strong feeling for each other, so it would be logical that the reason for your erectile dysfunction lies somewhere else." She flips through her notes. "Mr. Armor has told me about the sexual fantasies he has had lately. I know this topic might be very uncomfortable for you, but would you tell us about—"

"No." Shining Armor's answer is curt and precise.

"Then would you think about the things that those fantasies might have in common?"

That was close. Too close. Okay, okay, concentrate. Things in common. I guess I can do that. There's no way in Tartarus I'm going to tell Cady about wanting to spank her or fuck her maids or... Twily. Urgh. Focus!

"Well... they have all been mares, so I'm not into dudes, that's for sure." He grins nervously to nopony in particular. "They're all in, well, uh, compromising posit—okay I can't do this. I just..." he looks to the side and catches a glimpse of Cadance's confused expression. "...can't."

"Shiny?"

"Cady, I'm sorry, but the, uhh, stuff... I don't understand why I think about those things and they're just, well, bad. I mean, sick. Stuff I'd never actually do, but they're the only things I can think about when I'm... hard." He shakes his head, then looks at Sassy Swallow. "I told you about them. You know about them. Why do I have to talk about them while Cady is here?"

"Would it be better if I left for a moment?" Cadance asks.

Sassy Swallow shifts a bit in her chair. "Mr. Armor, I understand that this topic is one that you would not want to continue." She meets Shining Armor's gaze. "I also believe it is important to talk about those things."

"I'd never do those things for real. Like, in a million years."

"What we fantasize about when alone and what we would do in reality are two different things. There is no such thing as a thought crime. Only if you act on those fantasies do they become anything more than just figments of your imagination. The reason why I am asking you to tell your wife about them is that it would help you to understand each other better."

"I don't want her to 'understand' me like that. I—"

"I do," Cadance says, silencing Shining Armor right before he can launch into another rant. "Shiny, whatever it is, you can tell me. I love you as you are." She strokes his mane before adding. "Like she said, it might help."

Shining Armor's words are filled with desperation, the kind that a pony would talk with right before letting go of a branch above a bottomless pit. "You don't understand. I'm not like that. I don't... I just..."

"I know you're a good pony and the love of my life, Shiny."

Shining Armor falls silent, before the ache in his chest he hadn't even noticed turns into a fuzzy warmth. "I can't really say no to that, can I?"

"So you'll do it? For me?" Cadance asks, talking right into his ear as she nuzzles the back of his head.

Shining Armor takes a few deep breaths, trying to formulate his thoughts and to build a coherent narrative around the things he does inside Shinyland. Then he throws all that away and just charges on. "I hurt ponies. I make them do whatever I want and hit them or shout at them if they don't. I punish them for things they've done to me. And it's always ponies I've met in real life and that I've argued with or met."

Cadance remains silent for a moment, sending Shining Armor's heart thumping from fear that she might just get up and leave, never to return. Then suddenly, in a very thoughtful voice, Cadance asks. "Is it like payback? For what the Queen did to you? And the other ponies too?"

He shakes his head in confusion at the way Cadance is handling things. "I guess so."

Cadance looks at him with a cocked head. "I imagine anypony would think like that after what she did. I've thought of what I'd like to do to her several times... though it hasn't been, well, sexual." She pauses for a moment, but adds in a quiet voice. "It was different for both of us."

The word 'rape' isn't uttered out loud. It doesn't need to be.

Sassy Swallow clears her throat. "Just like you say, Mrs. Cadenza, thoughts and fantasies of revenge are very common among ponies that have been taken advantage of." She pauses for a moment, before continuing. "That is one part of the reason why I asked you to tell about your fantasies. Both you and Mrs. Cadenza are suffering from the same trauma, but show it in different ways. She is dealing with her problems by trying to control everything around her because of her kidnapping."

Cadance nods in response. "I... I was too afraid to let anything happen without my say-so." She fidgets with her forehooves. "Aunt Celestia was pretty angry at me for a few negotiations that I might have messed up a bit by not giving in with even the tiniest details."

"Well, that's news to me," Shining Armor says and shrugs. "I guess that's why you threw Iron Sight into—"

"Yes."

"And broke all the furniture and—"

"Yes."

Shining Armor doesn't notice Cadance slumping behind his back. "And the thing with your maids—"

"Yes!"

Cadance's dangerously low voice finally shocks Shining Armor from his ponderings. He turns around to see tears forming under his wife's eyes—eyes which are ablaze.

"It's so nice of both of you to gang up on me like that. I knew this was going to happen," Cadence says. She wipes imaginary specks of dust from her lap, then drags an angry hoof across her face to get rid of the tears. She gets up and lifts her chin in defiance and walks for the door. "I believe we are done here."

Shining Armor opens his mouth to apologise to Cadance. There is a tiny snapping sound that is only audible to his own brain, which brings forth completely different words. "Cady, you're doing it again."

Cadance spins around, her eyes blazing even more furiously than before. "How dare—"

"Because I love you." He motions for her to come closer. "Come on, Honey. I'm right here."

Cadance gapes at him, then lowers her head almost to the floor. She takes a few steps towards Shining Armor, then sits down, not uttering another word. Her eyes are covered by her mane, but he can see a few tears roll down her cheeks and drop onto the floor from her chin. A few sobs escape her, before she manages a whispered "Sorry."

His side aching, Shining Armor climbs back onto the couch. He can't tell if the pain is coming from his ribs, or from his heart. Cadance shudders a bit at the touch of his hoof, but leans against him, burying her face in his chest.

Sassy Swallow clears her throat. "Mrs. Cadenza, nopony is blaming anypony here, or ganging up on anypony. It is important for both of you to find out and admit the problems you are suffering from, because neither of you can fix your situation alone." She lets her words sink in for a moment. "I understand that it doesn't feel good to admit those things out loud, but right now, it is something that is holding both of you back."

Shining Armor wraps his hooves tighter around Cadance. "Fine. Here goes. I feel like I'm not in control of anything in my life. I live in a big castle with three of the most powerful Princesses in the world and my job is to push papers around. Every mare I meet, from Cady's maids to the Changeling Queen, seems to just want to push me around or abuse me in some way. I can't decide anything for myself any more. Somepony is always telling me what to do, what to wear, what to eat, and when to do it. Sure, it was kinda the same in the Guard, but I was part of a chain of command, not the last link." He takes a deep breath, feeling dizzy from baring his soul, but keeps going. "I can't even meet my friends without sneaking out. I'm lonely. I'm really lonely. And I've felt the most alone when I'm with Cady, because she feels so far away."

"It's all my fault, Shiny," Cadance interrupts him. "I wanted to make sure you had help with adjusting. I thought you would like being pampered for a bit after everything so you wouldn't be stressed so much about the new responsibilities. I... I took a lot of the jobs you were supposed to do away from you and did them myself, or asked somepony else to do them. Canterlot politics are really nasty sometimes and... I know you don't like to hear it but you're just not ready for them yet." She leans back from her stunned husband and tries to look him straight in the eyes. "That's why I was hoping to move to the Crystal Empire as soon as possible. I wanted for you to get a fresh start there without all the baggage from Canterlot." She grabs onto Shining Armor's hoof, her own limbs shaking. "I didn't realise that it made you feel so lonely. I just wanted to keep you safe from the uglier side of being a royal for a while. It just felt so unfair that you marry me and suddenly get stuck with so much responsibility."

"W-wait... you're telling me that everypony was in on this?"

Cadance shakes her head. "Not everypony. Of course not. Only Aunt Celestia and a few of her advisors. And a few other ponies close to me. Maybe ten in total."

Shining Armor's head buzzes slightly and for some reason, all he can think of is: "Even the maids?"

Cadance looks even guiltier than before. "Umm, well, they knew about it, yes, but... that's just pretty much how they've always been."

"Huh... So all this time everypony around me has been doing my job for me?"

"No! Not everypony! You have to understand that a lot goes into suddenly becoming a royal. We'd been working on getting it right with Aunt Celestia for months."

The buzz in Shining Armor's head turns into words he's heard over the weeks since his wedding.

"Sir, all the papers have been filled out already. You just need to sign here, please."

"You don't have to worry about it, sir. It's all been taken care of."

"Nothing of importance, Your Royal Highness."

"Oh, there's no need for you to handle such trivial things yourself."

"Not worth your time."

"All taken care of."

"So... somepony was doing all my work for me."

Cadance squeezes his hoof tighter. "I didn't know it'd make you feel useless! I wanted to ease you into it. I didn't want to tell you because I was afraid you'd be overwhelmed.”

"And all that time I was lashing out at people because I felt so useless. They probably thought I was a spoiled brat."

"Well, uhh, I shouldn't probably tell you, but I did catch some of my aides calling you 'Blueblood The Second'."

Despite himself, Shining Armor chuckles. "Harsh."

"You're not angry?" Cadance asks, her words laid carefully like the hoofsteps of somepony crossing a river that had frozen the night before.

Shining Armor shakes his head, in part to clear his thoughts. "I don't think so. I do kinda feel stupid 'cos I didn't catch onto it. You're always swamped with work so I thought that I'd just been made some trophy husband. Turns out I was."

"That's not what happened! At all! It was supposed to be just for a short while."

"There's actually a lot of work for me to do?"

Cadance leans back with a sigh. "You wouldn't believe. Meetings, reviews, boards, panels, open court, diplomats, guard inspections—"

"Wait a minute! You've been doing guard inspections?"

"Uhh, yes. Usually when you were still eating breakfast."

"So that's where you went. 'Early meetings', my rump. Wonder what the troops thought when they had a cutesy-wutesy pink Princess shouting at them instead of me."

"I... I didn't shout! Somepony else did that for me!"

Shining Armor rubs a hoof against his face. "I'm never gonna hear the end of that one."

"Honey, it's really mostly just paperwork and trying to stay awake when somepony important is talking." Her eyes grow distant as she looks through the wall and into infinity. "And a lot of paperwork. So much paperwork..."

"I want to do it all."

Cadance shakes her head, still somewhere a few hundred miles away. "You have no idea what you're getting yourself into, Honey."

"You're absolutely right! And it's awesome!"

Cadance just leans back on the couch in a very un-Princessly manner, her head thumping against the wall behind it. "You, Sir, are the weirdest pony in the world." She laughs out loud. Not the girlish giggle Shining Armor is used to, but a hearty, honest laugh straight from the belly. "I can just imagine all the diplomatic disputes already. I almost feel sorry for the nobles." She laughs a bit more. "Actually, no I don't."

Shining Armor leans back as well. "I've missed this Cadance."

Cadance's head lolls to the side on the backrest. "You know, Mister, I've missed this Cadance as well. It really feels good to not have to be in control all the time."

A slight cough carries from the other side of the room. Both Shining Armor and Cadance jerk up, looking guilty like two foals caught sleeping in class.

"I am sorry to interrupt your moment, but as you know, we have limited time for our session today," Sassy Swallow says.

Shining Armor glances at the grandfather clock on the wall. There's still roughly fifteen minutes left from their extended session.

Sassy Swallow continues. "I want you, Princess Cadance, to take note of what you just said."

"That I don't like the nobles? I know it must come as a surprise that the upper class of Canterlot can be a bit, well, full of themselves sometimes."

"Quite. Several of them are my patients as well. But that is not what I meant. I was referring to your comment about losing control."

Cadance props herself up even straighter. "Yes. Sorry about that."

"Cady, I think she means that you might be a bit, umm, control-y sometimes." Shining Armor hears the ice crack under his hooves when he opens his mouth.

"Are you calling me some sort of a control freak?" Cadance glares at him.

Shining Armor lowers his head quickly. "Err..."

With another cough, Sassy Swallow cuts in. "There is nothing wrong with being organised and meticulous. You must remember that sometimes being too composed and assertive can obscure our feelings from those close to us."

"I'm not quite sure what you mean, Mrs. Swallow."

Shining Armor grins. "She means you're a control freak, Cady."

"I am, am I?" Cadance huffs, but then seems to actually consider the thought. "Well, it is true that I am very... organized. But isn't that just to be expected from someone in a position of authority?"

"Well if being obsessive about every little detail is the hallmark of authority, then Princess Celestia should probably make Twily a Princess too."

She looks at him with a furrowed brow. "I am not as, well, Twilight as she is."

"Okay, I'll give you that. And yeah, I guess it's something you have to be with your work." He shrugs, not sure how to continue. "But you keep doing it when we're alone too. You always want to decide everything down to the tiniest thing."

Cadance sits in silence, looking at her lap. A variety of expressions flitter on her face, but none stay for long. Finally it settles into a ponderous frown. "You know what? I think you're right. Especially after the wedding I really feel that I haven't been able to relax almost at all and it has probably made me, uh, bossy."

"So to summarise: Princess Cadenza feels she has to stay in control with everything and Mr. Armor feels he isn't in control of anything," Sassy Swallow says. After she gets a nod of confirmation from the two, she continues. "Then maybe I could make a suggestion? Several couples try reversing their usual roles in a relationship while they are alone. There are various games and activities for doing so."

Shining Armor feels his jaw fall open from astonishment. Did she just actually say that? Did she just suggest we try some... kinky stuff? He feels his throat dry up, but another part of him approves of the thought. He covers his crotch with his hooves as nonchalantly as possible, as images of Cadance clad in skin-tight black and hog-tied on a bed flashes in his mind. Cady, please say yes, please say yes, please say—

"I..." Cadance starts. She shakes her head, then talks directly to Sassy Swallow. "I'm not sure if I'm alright with something like that. Isn't it kind of, well, perverse?"

"It would allow for you to let go of the control required by your work and also give Mr. Armor a feeling of empowerment. Such activities would also allow you to deepen the trust between the two of you and possibly give you a new perspective about each other."

"I really don't know..." She carefully turns to look at Shining Armor. "What do you think, Shiny?"

He tries to shrug while covering his half-hardened member, not wanting to show the extent of his approval and frighten Cadance. "I'd, uh, be okay with it, I guess." Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!

"And you really think it'd help?" Cadance asks Sassy Swallow.

"It has helped several couples I have counseled in the past. There's also some research into the subject. One of them cites it as a way of finding a better balance in a relationship."

Cadance nods, but them shakes her head instead. "We wouldn't even know where to start. Are there books or something?"

"I am not too knowledgeable in the practical side of the subject, unfortunately. My recommendation would be for you two to go talk to ponies who know far more about it than I do."

"You're referring us to another therapist?" Cadance asks.

"No, Mrs. Cadenza. I want you to go to a sex shop."

"W-what?" both Cadance and Shining Armor ask in unison.

"They are every bit as confidential as I am, and they have years of experience in these topics."

"B-but... but..." Cadance mutters.

"I would recommend Honey & Coppers. They run a reputable establishment with a long history." She takes off her glasses. "I think you're even familiar with the place, Mrs. Cadenza." Sassy Swallow puts the notes she has onto her table and gets up from her chair. "I'm sorry if this feels rushed, but we are out of time for today."

With a glance Shining Armor confirms that they are indeed several minutes over their allotted time. "So, uhh, what's next? We had this group session, but what happens now?"

"That is up to you. Our original plan was for this to be our final meeting, but seeing as how we've touched on several topics that I believe require further therapy, I would recommend continuing with it."

Shining Armor nods in agreement. "Sure, when's the next time?"

Sassy Swallow stops for a moment, before speaking. "I'm sorry, but you misunderstand. I will not be continuing as your therapist, Mr. Armor. Even if I could fit you into my schedule for a longer running therapy, there is the fact that you and your wife are moving to the Crystal Empire in the near future, which would make regular visits difficult to arrange and time-consuming."

"Oh..."

"I recommend you to continue with therapy. It seems to have a very positive effect on you both. I have heard that several of my colleagues are moving to the Crystal Empire. There is a lot of work to be done there with helping the Crystal Ponies adjust. I could recommend a few who would be suited to continue with you."

"Oh..."

"I will send you more information in a few days, if it's alright with you?"

"That would be lovely," Cadance says. "Come on, Honey, we don't want to keep the other patients waiting."

"Oh..."

"I wish all the best for you two," Sassy Swallow says. "Good day."

"Thank you, Mrs. Swallow. Good day," Cadance says.

A door opens and closes, followed by another. Cold air hits Shining Armor in the face, waking him up from his mental torpor. A carriage stands in front of him, the driver opening the door for Cadance and him.

"Please take the scenic route," Cadance says to the driver. She steps inside, and motions for Shining Armor to follow her.

When they get inside, the carriage starts forward, rocking gently from side to side on the worn cobblestones of Canterlot. Shining Armor looks outside through the window, not really seeing anything that goes past them. There are probably buildings and ponies.

"Shiny, what's wrong?" Cadance asks.

He doesn't turn away from the window. "Honestly? I feel kinda bad. And confused."

There is a clear hint of disapproval in Cadance's voice. "You got that confused bit right. I can't believe that mare."

"I'm not sure if it's even about her. I mean, sure, that was weird alright, but I think... Actually that's the real problem here. Thinking. I must have broken something in my thinking... thing."

"Your brain?" Cadance says with a slight giggle.

"Yeah, that," Shining Armor says. "I think I've been thinking too much today and even thinking about thinking is making my head hurt." He massages his temples for emphasis.

Cadance moves from the seat opposite him to his side and pulls him closer. He leans on her shoulder. "It's going to be alright, Shiny," she says while stroking his mane. "At least we don't have to meet that horrible mare again."

"You still think she's horrible?"

Cadance ponders this for a moment. "Actually, no, not really. Not as bad as I thought she was. She just feels so, well, weird."

"Guess that's her job. Weird ponies out so they fix their own problems or something." He chuckles, joined by Cadance. The heavy feeling in his chest seems to ebb away slowly. "I'm not sure if I could take up therapy again. Going through all this stuff again with somepony else, it just feels like a huge step back."

"Would you really like to continue with her?"

"Yeah. I think I would." Shining Armor looks out the window again, just in time to glimpse a tree with leaves coloured red by autumn. "I know you didn't really get along with her but you gotta admit she was a big help."

"I wouldn't say that I didn't get along with her. She was very professional, but..."

"But?"

Cadance leans onto his shoulder. "I don't know. I couldn't connect with her. It felt like talking to a statue most of the time."

"That's the type of therapy she offered."

"I guess so. Maybe if it was some other type of therapy it might work better for me. I want to talk with somepony, not just at somepony."

Shining Armor nods. "It worked for me."

Cadance nuzzles him some more. "Well then it was worth it."

"Cady, I love you."

"I love you too."

The sit in silence, the carriage rumbling around them, the old wood quietly creaking from years of use. A small pothole wakes them up from their reverie. Shining Armor plants a kiss on her lips, which she returns enthusiasticly. The carriage slows to a halt at a crossroad.

Shining Armor still feels a bit overwhelmed about the day's events. He tries to find something to talk about to take his mind off of them. "Any news about the move?"

Cadance shakes her head, her mane gently brushing against his cheek. "Not yet, no. It's likely going to be before Hearth's Warming."

"Wonder if they're gonna put on a pageant like they do here?"

"I don't think they celebrate it the way we do. They weren't included in the first Alliance of the Three Nations after all and didn't swear fealty to the Royal Pony Sisters before Sombra got into power and they vanished."

"Thank you, Professor."

Cadance snorts in a very un-princessly manner. "I can't help it. I've been trying to learn all about the country I'm supposed to be ruling and all I have are books that are from a thousand years ago." She leans back on her seat, looking up without really seeing anything. "Amethyst Maresbury, the Crystal Librarian, has been a big help with them. And Twilight's been helping me with restoring the books so I don't rip them apart when trying to read them. She even taught me a scribing spell that enchants a quill to copy a book into a new one."

"Sounds exactly like... Twilight." Memories of their last meeting fill his mind, with short flashes of her flanks disappearing into the crowd of ponies climbing on the train and him inside the toilet. A chill of revulsion runs through his spine.

"Are you cold?" Cadance asks, inching even closer to him if possible, wrapping a wing around him.

"Not any more," he says. It's not lying becase I'm not cold. Shut up, conscience!

"...next week," Cadance finishes her sentence.

"Huh?"

"I said: I wrote to Twilight and she'll come visit us next week."

The cart lurches into a chasm. Either that, or Shining Armor's world just lost its bottom, sending him into a freefall of horror.

"Oh dear. You really are cold. You're practically shivering! Maybe you're going down with something?"

"Y-yeah," he says through chattering teeth. "Maybe."

Ohcrapohcrapohcrapohcrapohcrap the hay am I going to do? Make an excuse not to see her? Pretend I'm sick? Yeah, that would work. Or maybe get a military command somewhere far away? Can I actually command myself somewhere?

Cadance fidgets with her hooves. "And, umm, I was thinking... Maybe when she comes over we could ask her a bit about the sex toys."

Shining Armor turns to her, grabs her hooves and looks her directly in the eyes. "Cady, I would do anything for you, you know that. Climb the highest mountain, sail the seas, eat alfalfa, whatever you'd ask, but I will not ask my baby sister for sex advice!"

"Shhhh!" Cadance slams both of her hooves onto Shining Armor's mouth. "The driver will hear us!"

"Omch, Cmdy!"

Cadance quickly releases her grip around Shining Armor's muzzle. "Ooops! Sorry! Are you alright?!"

"'m fine," he says. To his positive surprise, he doesn't taste copper in his mouth. "But there's still no way, no how, now or ever, that I'll ask Twily for anything like that. I already know waaay to much about her bedroom life as is." Although those neighsa orbs might make Cady a lot tight—Not now, brain! Shut up.

"You can be such a foal sometimes. Twilight Sparkle is an adult whether you like it or not, and she knows more about these things than I do. For Aunt's sake, she taught me everything I know."

Shining Armor shakes his head. "Why couldn't we just go and check out the sex shop instead? You've been there before. Was it that bad?"

"No. It was worse. They were all polite, but they kept showing me weird things, asking me strange questions and everything."

"Isn't that what they're supposed to do?"

Cadance looks away sullenly, her voice just a mutter under her breath. "They don't have to be so open about it."

"Maybe they, I dunno, do it for a living? They're probably used to it. And now I really want to see these things they have." He pauses to gather courage to continue. "It's what Sassy Swallow recommended too. I have no idea what these submission things are..." Yes I do! "...so wouldn't this be a good place to start?

Cadance turns to him, a pleading look and puckered lips on her face. "Couldn't we find a book about it?"

Without answering, Shining Armor opens up the door of the carriage. "Driver! We have a change of destination—" He gets yanked back inside forcefully.

"What are you doing!? We can't go there with a royal carriage!" Cadance hisses.

"We'll park somewhere close and walk if we really have to. But it's really cold."

Cadance slumps against her seat with no further objections.

"Driver! Please take us to, errr, Honey & Copper's store. It's on—"

"Very good, sir."

"Thanks."

Shining Armor sits back down and takes Cadance's hoof into his.

I'm going to a sex shop! With Cady! What could go wrong?

Author's Notes:

This chapter is dedicated to Valikdu, a reader that held my corner without me asking for it or expecting it in the face of overwhelming odds. Stuff like that doesn't happen in the world we live in, so this chapter is for you. =)