The Princesses:

1. How old are Celestia and Luna?

No one knows. They started using fake IDs to get into Valhalla nightclubs well before the legal age of one millenium, and now they’ve forgotten their original birth years.

2. How old is Cadance?

Trick question. Toy advertisements, even ones 44 minutes long, aren’t canon.

3. Were Celestia and Luna always alicorns, or did they ascend?

All ponies are devolved from alicorns. The protection and charity of the princesses ensures that no pony ever dies of predation, hunger, or stupidity, so the entire population is composed of degenerate, physically and mentally handicapped alicorns who will all eventually devolve into earth ponies, as we see happening with Scootaloo.

4. Are Cadance and Twilight immortal?

I still don’t know who this “Cadance” is, but if Twilight isn’t immortal yet, she can probably figure it out.

6. How much authority do Celestia and Luna have in Equestria?

Celestia rules Equestria with an iron hoof, and likes to pretend that Luna is her co-ruler. It’s also convenient to have somepony to blame when, for instance, you’re too hung-over to raise the sun. Hah! That was a good one. Luna will see the humor in it eventually.

7. Does Shining Armor rule The Crystal Empire along side of Cadance?

If I were to risk rupturing a frontal lobe by entertaining the hypothesis that the extended toy advertisement referred to above were canon, I would say that Shining

a) should not be trusted with anything more complex than a surfboard, and

b) is pussy-whipped and loving it.

Ponies and Equestrian Culture:

9. Are there still cultural differences between earth ponies, pegasi, and unicorns, or is the culture homogeneous by the time shown in canon? Are there cultural stereotypes (positive or negative)?

You think you’re pretty smart with your big words, don’t you, hornhead?

16. Are there roughly an equal number of male and female ponies?

At birth, yes. By the time they reach mating age, only the strongest males remain. (Don’t get too attached to Pipsqueak or Featherweight.) Most of those remaining are claimed by the princesses for their personal royal “guard”.

17. How informed are most ponies about things that happen in other parts of Equestria? What about other parts of the world?

They’re just as informed about other places as the average American is.

The Main Characters:

18. How old are the Mane Six? Spike? The CMC?

They’re ponies not quite reaching maturity, so the Mane Six are almost 2 years old. You can thank me next time you read your clop.

25. Is Scootaloo an orphan? Will she ever be able to fly?

Look, I’ve already explained I had nothing to do with Scootaloo’s parents. Sometimes ponies just explode.

26. Will Apple Bloom’s cutie mark involve an apple in some way, even if it’s unrelated to farming or baking?

Apple Bloom has shown her talent for engineering, and her cutie mark will be an apple and a hammer, to signify her special talent for building things out of apples. The unsuitability of apples as building materials will leave her destitute and homeless. Fortunately she will be able to rely on the charity of the princesses, as noted above, and will be able to nonetheless found a dynasty of equally-useless descendants.

28. Is Mr. Cake the father of the Cake twins or not?

[youtube=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z9VGVxsSeyk]

You tell me.

29. Are Big Mac and Cheerilee an item, romantically?

Thanks for bringing this possibility to my attention. If I find out that Cheerilee is cheating me with Big Mac, or that Big Mac is cheating on me with Cheerilee, I’ll kill them both.

30. How did Prince Blueblood get his title?

He starting calling himself “prince” one day, and ponies are so trusting and stupid that they immediately moved him into the palace and gave him his own personal staff.

31. Is Silver Spoon equally as bad as Diamond Tiara?

I don’t understand the question.

33. Why does Daring Do publish her stories as fiction?

The same reason I do.

Other Species:

35. Does Equestria differentiate between speaking and non-speaking species, in terms of respect, rights and legal responsibilities? Is there some other line or scale used? (For example, how are cows classified? Diamond Dogs? A chimera?)

Under the enlightened rule of the princesses, every speaking species contributes to the welfare of all according to their ability. Cows, for instance, contribute milk; chickens contribute eggs; pigs contribute pork; and ponies contribute the management skills and discipline necessary to maintain this equitable social order.

36. Do other speaking species form their own nations, or are all nations largely integrated, with some having larger populations of a species than others?

Species with something significant to contribute to Equestria are integrated as described above. The rest inhabit the deserts and low-lying swamplands surrounding Equestria in which oil has not been found.

37. Are minotaurs related to cows at all?

To those who say yes, I ask: Have you ever tried to milk a minotaur?

41. Is the lack of buffalo presence in Equestria cultural, or simply because most pony towns aren’t built to accommodate a full grown buffalo?

It’s a cultural matter, by which I mean the manifest destiny of culture to supplant the uncivilized.

        50. Is there something that wasn't asked about here, but you feel like you need to explain to everyone?

        I don’t need to explain anything. I wasn’t there and I didn’t do it.