"The Ponies we Love" took 2nd-to-last place in January’s write-off. I want to explain (and in doing so figure out) why I thought it was the best story in the competition, despite being incomplete.

I liked the style, certainly, but that's not a big factor with me, at least if by “style” we mean an author’s grammar and preference for big or small words, long or short sentences, showing or telling. Content matters more to me. Halfway between style and content is the choice of what to focus on and what words to use, and that matters to me, too. Let’s look at content and word choice. Here are the first lines:

The gentle taps on the door rang clearly throughout the hallway.

Celestia stood before the grand entrance, hoof still raised and poised for another strike, waiting for a response from within.

Luna always did take her time acknowledging visitors.

In the silence she gazed at the intricate, inlaid patterns on the pair of doors; they drew one’s eye upwards to a grand arch resting above, giving any visitor the sense they were a foal looking up to a tall and imperious pony. Celestia smiled sadly at the thought.

“Come in sister,” Luna called. Her voice was strong and authoritative in tone—very professional. It yielded a sense of Luna’s commanding presence, something Celestia had watched fluctuate over the years as she swayed back and forth, uncertain in her image.

We've got setting and action, but each paragraph is also characterization. Celestia's taps were 'gentle', yet 'rang clear', a description of Celestia herself. Celestia stands "hoof still raised and poised for another strike, waiting": ready for action, yet also patient; and we recall the second meaning of "poised". "Luna always did take her time acknowledging visitors" tells us this Luna is haughty, or plays status games. "... giving any visitor the sense they were a foal looking up to a tall and imperious pony. Celestia smiled sadly at the thought." reinforces this, and shows us how Celestia feels about that. Then "... something Celestia had watched fluctuate over the years as she swayed back and forth, uncertain in her image" follows through to explain why Luna is playing these games, and why it makes Celestia sad.

Everything that follows after that builds on that initial relationship set-up.

(Notice that “They drew one’s eye upwards to a grand arch resting above, giving any visitor the sense they were a foal looking up to a tall and imperious pony” and “Her voice was strong and authoritative in tone … [giving] a sense of Luna’s commanding presence, something Celestia had watched fluctuate over the years as she swayed back and forth, uncertain in her image” both nest metaphorical showing inside telling inside literal showing.)

Then there’s a section in which we see the mayor worrying about Twilight, who isn’t able to deal with the responsibilities of administration for some unknown reason. The mayor is supposed to report on Twilight to Celestia, who is worried about exactly this happening, but the mayor conceals it, as a misguided favor to Twilight.

Then Rarity and Fluttershy interact, in a section that wanders farther afield from its plot line, but has this charming exchange:

“Hi, Rarity.”

Rarity gave a sharp jolt, the wheels in her mind jumping tracks. “Er—hi, Fluttershy dear.” She gave a pleasant laugh to cover her ruffled state.

Fluttershy smiled demurely. “I didn’t catch you in the middle of an Inspiration Search, did I?”

Rarity raised an eyebrow. She had forgotten Fluttershy knew she did that, and more so, that she knew what it looked like. But that would mean…

Carefully, she worded her answer. “Why yes, actually, I was,” she said in a flippant manner, and then, more slowly, “you noticed?” And interrupted me anyway.

A tremble rumbled through Fluttershy. “Um, well, yes, but not before I said hi.” She plastered a thin smile on her lips. Rarity saw it for what it was: a silent apology. The form of repentance the two of them had, over the years, come to tacitly agree upon—when it came to little, personal faux-pas such as these. Following suite, Rarity let her annoyance slide away, returning her silent forgiveness: a sincere, friendly smile. Fluttershy’s thin lips blossomed into a radiant grin of appreciation.

We now know Rarity & Fluttershy are close; that Rarity likes keeping her thoughts private; that Rarity prioritizes her art very high, sometimes above her friends; that she operates on the level of things unspoken; that Fluttershy also understands these things and finds Rarity’s displeasure, even when merely implied, painful; that Rarity and Fluttershy have managed to agree on what constitutes an offense and what weight it should be given (as opposed to, say, Rarity and Applejack). It also gives a clue that Rarity is dominant in their relationship (since everything is calibrated to her preferences), and that Rarity may be unaware of this.

Two reviewers complained that this story was boring, or took too long to get to the action. But this stuff is more exciting to me than “action”. This is the sort of slow-yet-absorbing opening that I’m jealous of Skywriter for being able to write.

That's why I love this story. It sets up suspense and conflict based almost entirely on the relationships between ponies. Not just shipping relationships, but relationships of power, affection, status, obligation, proof of worth, concern, and contrasting values. (Which, surprise, are a big part of real-life romances, if it’s shipping you want.)

And it's almost the only story in the competition that takes pony-pony relationships as its primary subject! There's one or two others that try to, but not as diversely, deftly, subtly, realistically, and precisely. There are very few short stories on fimfiction (possibly none) that raise three complex non-shipping pony-pony relationship issues within their first few thousand words.

It was written by Axis of Rotation, who hasn’t published anything on fimfiction so far.