Best Hearth’s Warming Day Ever

The sun stood proudly in the sky, like a monarch would over a country. Near the centre of the town of Ponyville, one of the sun’s majestic rays were beaming through a house that could easily be passed off as the world’s biggest piece of candy. Inside Sugarcube Corner, Pinkie Pie was just getting out of bed. She waved her hoof off the side of her bed, trying to hit an imaginary alarm clock. A grin crossed her face as she realized she didn’t have one; that would be silly. The noise she was hearing was instead the sound of a hoof knocking at her door. With a speed that would rival the Wonderbolts, she shot up out of bed and was at the door. She opened it to find a magenta earth pony with a mane slightly darker than her fur. It was curly, like it always was, giving her that sort of drunken look that she always wore. Her flank was adorned with the same characteristic grapes and strawberry. Berry Punch attempted to knock on the door, but was instead met with Pinkie Pie’s muzzle. It was obvious Berry Punch was dealing with a pretty severe hangover, most likely from over-drinking during the previous night. Pinkie Pie had a surprised look on her face, but this was quickly replaced by a huge grin that literally reached from ear to ear.

“Heya, Berry Punch! What brings you to Sugarcube Corner so early?” The pink earth pony asked, bouncing in the same spot like she always did. Berry Punch seemed taken aback for a bit, and stared at Pinkie Pie. She shook her head, then placed her hoof against her forehead. The headache was obviously causing her a lot of pain. Pinkie shot her a look of worry, before letting her eyes settle to a box shaped gift Berry had at her side. “Oh, a gift? Who’s the gift for? I always like receiving gifts, they’re so fun, and there’s an infinite number of possibilities for what could be inside them! It just astounds me! Doesn’t it just astound you, too?” the pink earth pony sputtered out in one breath.

“Oh... uh... this gift, you see. I got you this for the gift exchange thing... I hope you... uh... enjoy it. Happy Hearth’s Warming Day, Pinkie,” Berry managed, obviously in a deal of pain. “Now if you don’t mind... I’m going to head home to take a nice shower. Enjoy your day.” Pinkie looked at the gift, then quickly grabbed it, and ran upstairs back to her bedroom, somehow shutting the door behind her without touching it. Placing the gift on the floor, Pinkie jumped in a circle around the gift.

“Oh! I wonder what it could be! Maybe it’s a bath toy for Gummy! Oh, or maybe it’s another disguise for me to wear! Or maybe it’s another pranking set! Or maybe it’s an elephant... Actually, it can’t be an elephant, elephants don’t belong in gifts, silly filly!” she sang out, continuing her dance routine around the present. After a little bit, she decided to just open it. Ripping open the paper around it, she came across a bottle of a somewhat greenish liquid, along with a fancy glass and a spoon with lots of holes in it. “Absinthe... I’ve never heard of this before. But if Berry gave this to me, it must be something good; she always has the best drinks that make you feel funny and buzzy... almost like a bee! Maybe this is more bee juice!” she giggled. She really did enjoy these drinks, or as Berry called them, ‘alcohol.’ Pinkie hadn’t had any in a while; her friends apparently didn’t trust her after the last time she had some. It had ended up with another Parasprite invasion, followed by Pinkie giving away all of Rarity’s gems to the Diamond Dogs. There may or may not have also been a Manticore involved somewhere in that story, followed by Pinkie leveling an entire building with an upgraded party cannon. Pinkie did her best shrug; she didn’t understand why her friends didn’t enjoy her having alcohol. It made everything fun. She contemplated drinking it right then... She didn’t have any plans for the day, except giving Twilight her Hearth’s Warming Day gift. She had to personally ask Princess Celestia for the gift: “Advanced Magic for Eggheads”, a rare book Twilight had wanted for ages. Not wanting to dwell on anything else, Pinkie took the glass out of the box, and opened up the bottle. Slowly, she filled the glass to the brim, and took a small sip.

“Oh, this stuff makes my throat burn! That must mean it’s good!” She shivered. She took a glimpse at the instructions Berry Punch had provided. They’d obviously been written out in a hurry, and while Berry was particularly hung-over, but they were still legible. Pinkie, following the instructions, put a sugar cube on the weird spoon and poured the absinthe over it. Continuing on with the instructions, she ran downstairs and quickly got a  glass of ice water to pour over what remained of the sugar cube. “I don’t see why I have to pour this water so slowly,” said Pinkie Pie, although she knew that Berry Punch probably knew what’s best. Following the instructions as best as she could, she finished pouring the drink and downed it in one signature Pinkie Pie gulp.

Pinkie Pie felt the intense burn of the alcohol rushing down her throat as its sweet remains coated the inside of her mouth. Instantly, she felt the rush of the alcohol in her system, along with something else she couldn’t quite make out. Out of the corner of her eye, she glimpsed some blurry object or another, but it disappeared with a quick shake of her head. Dizziness quickly overtook her as she stumbled back onto all fours, comically slipping on invisible ice in a vain attempt to stabilize herself. After fully regaining her balance, she decided to quickly give her gift to Twilight, before anything bad happened. Suddenly, her tail twitched.

“Twitchy tail? That means something’s going to fall from the sky... and it’s going to happen at Twilight’s tree? I’d better hurry!” With a quick jump into the air, Pinkie literally flew down the stairs, much to gravity’s discretion. Reaching the door, Pinkie fidgeted with it, trying to figure out how to open it. After poking at it, she decided to open it Pinkie style. She pulled the Party Cannon seemingly out of nowhere, and aimed at the door. “Fire!” she yelled, pulling on the string. The door exploded into splinters, and she quickly ran out onto the streets. Suddenly, she found herself flung to the side. Rainbow Dash collided with her, and was tumbling through the streets. Checking to see if her wings were fine, she walked up to Pinkie with a look of concern on her face.

“Pinkie! Are you okay?” she asked. Pinkie seemed a bit dazed as her eyes were rolling in opposite directions in her sockets. She shook her head and looked at the sky blue pegasus.

“I’m okie dokie lokie Dashie! Say, Dash! I never knew you could get giant rainbow clouds like that? Can you tell me where you got one? Can you sleep on it? Can you use it as camouflage to prank other ponies!?” Rainbow Dash looked behind her to see that there was no cloud following her.

“Uh... Pinkie, are you sure you’re alright? There’s no clouds following me, and the only thing rainbow around here is my mane and tail,” Rainbow Dash said, emphasizing the point with a flick of her tail, and a flip of her mane.

“Everything’s okay over here Dashie! Say, why are there two of you? I mean, one of you is awesome, but having two of you would be doubling the fun! We could pull double the pranks, and do something awesome together! All three of us should hang out later when I’m free!” She chimed, a grin plastered on her face. Rainbow Dash looked beside her... Pinkie was obviously seeing things.

“Should I go take you to see Nurse Redheart? You seem to be... well, seeing lots of things today,” Rainbow Dash said, her voice filled with concern.

“Sorry, can’t be taking any detours, I gotta get this book to Twilight like right now!” Pinkie got up, and bolted towards Twilight’s tree, kicking up a cloud of dust that left the sky blue pony’s mane frazzled.

“Pinkie Pie... You are so random!” She chuckled. She popped her wings out, and flew upwards, leaving a streak of rainbow behind her.

Pinkie continued running down the street at a speed that would make Rainbow jealous, barely avoiding other ponies and carts. Actually, she may have knocked over a cart or two, but that wasn’t important; what was important was getting Twilight her book! Lost in thinking, she didn’t notice that she was nearly at the library. With a loud bang, she ran muzzle first into the side of the tree that housed Twilight. The pink pony fell on her back, and stars clouded her vision, dazzling her with shininess that seemed to attract the mare. She clumsily tried to touch one with her hoof, only to find that it passed right through the star. She giggled.

“Silly stars, stay still for Pinkie!” She tried to touch another one, this one a bit closer, only to find out that her hoof passed right through it again. She let out a sigh; maybe the stars didn’t feel like getting prodded tonight... wait, it was still just after noon. There shouldn’t be stars out at this time! She shook her head, and the stars vanished as abruptly as they had appeared. She clumsily got up on all fours, using the tree as a post. “Now to get into the... what’s it called again... oh, yeah! A library!” She giggled again. This was going to be fun.

Pinkie decided that she wanted to surprise Twilight, and the front door would stop her from doing that. She tapped a hoof against her muzzle, trying to formulate a plan as to how to get into the library without making too much noise. Her gaze turned to the balcony that was outside of Twilight’s bedroom, a grin slowly spread across her face. It was pretty high up... she’d have to carefully navigate her way across a bunch of different items on the tree itself to get up that high.

Seeing a stray vine that had fallen across the bark of the gigantic tree, Pinkie Pie decided to climb up the tree and see what she could do from there. Grabbing the vine as best as she could with her teeth, she planted her hooves on the bark and started climbing upwards. However, the vine ended a small way away from Twilight’s room, so Pinkie Pie had to find an alternate route. Swinging her weight side to side, Pinkie managed to grab hold of a thick branch to the left of the balcony. After lifting herself up onto it, she stumbled about for a bit before diving onto the balcony. She looked over the edge of the balcony, then nodded happily. That had gone better than expected. She turned around and faced the window that led to Twilight’s bedroom. With a quick push, it opened, and Pinkie crept in. She took in her surroundings, and noted that Twilight wasn’t in her room. Apparently, Twilight had forgotten to make her bed this morning, probably expecting Spike to do it. Suddenly, the full extent of the alcohol hit Pinkie, making her pull a rather comical transformation, as her body expanded into a balloon, then deflated. Her mane was definitely more poofy then before, and her grin surpassed the ear to ear point she was known for. She ran towards the door at full speed only to find it didn’t open when she ran into it. She giggled rather loudly.

“Shomepony... needs to make more pushy doors, theshe ones are haaaaard!” she said, bursting into laughter. Pushy doors sounded like a great thing to add to a library; she’d have to consult Twilight about that later. She pulled the door open, and walked to the library stairs. Sure enough, Twilight was at the bottom. She had just finished her lunch, and Spike was clearing the plates. Pinkie giggled, launching herself off the stairs directly at Twilight. “"Twiiiii! I've been looking for you, pal! Shomething'sh gonna fall on your houshe!" Twilight looked up with a startled expression on her face.

“Pinkie? How’d y-” Her sentence was cut off as the pink pony collided with her, sending both of them and the table across the entire room. Pinkie quickly shook it off, and started bouncing around the dazed Twilight.

“Twiiiiii! I got you a book. Or shomething, it has lots of funny words in it that are for... I think magic. Not sure though, happy... what was today again? Oh yeah!... Hearth’sh Warning Day!...No! Warming... Shilly filly, forgetting important dates!” She gasped rather suddenly. “I get it now, I was... the thing to fall on you! You shee, I got... a twitchy tail earlier, and shomething was going to... I think fall on you. I guessh that was me!” She giggled, her face a bright red. “Say, Twilight. Why’sh there a...hydra in your room? He looksh funny, let’s call him Shnakey! Hey Shnakey, how’sh your Hearth’sh...Warming Day going?” She started bouncing around the ‘hydra’ in the treehouse. Twilight, after collecting herself and getting back up off the floor, gave a puzzled look at Pinkie, then at the book. Once she realized what it was, she gave a loud squeal, and snuggled the book tightly, like a mother to a newborn foal.

“Pinkie, this is just what I wanted, how’d you know? How’d you get it?! I’ve been after it for months. This is the best gift I’ve gotten this year! You really are the best friend a pony could have!” She looked at the book with a huge smile, then looked at Pinkie, who was still bouncing around ‘Shnakey’ as she called it, which was really just Spike. The look on his face was worth the confusion. He looked like he was stuck between horror and confusion, trying to comprehend what Pinkie was doing. “Spike... it’s Pinkie being Pinkie. It’s not safe to question it.” Pinkie shot her a confused look.

“Shpike’s here? Where ish he? The only reptile here is Shnakey, you shilly filly!” She laughed and continued bouncing. Where had Twilight gotten this idea that Spike was in the room? More importantly, how did Twilight manage to get this hydra in the library?! This was almost like the time Pinkie had snuck a manticore into her room to throw it a party. The expressions on her friends faces were priceless, but at least the manticore was happy.

“Uh, Pinkie. You know I’m right here, right?” Spike stuttered out, still in a fair amount of shock from the pink earth pony seemingly materializing out of nowhere and sending Twilight flying. Pinkie shot him a quizzical look, then giggled, her face still extremely flustered. A sudden hiccup broke from her, and sent her into hysterical laughter.

“Haha, Twilight. Shinshe *hic* when did you learn how to teach hydrash Equeshtrian? That’s jusht *hic* amazing!” Another fit of hysterical laughter echoed against the bookshelves. Twilight looked even more confused, then realized what was happening. Between the non-stop laughing and the flustered face, she was surprised she didn’t realize it earlier.

“Uh, Pinkie... are you drunk? You promised us last time you wouldn’t go near any more of that stuff...” Twilight said, looking ever so disappointed at Pinkie Pie. Pinkie contemplated what she said for a second, and managed to hold a serious look for about five seconds, before rolling around in another fit of laughing.

“Shilly *hic* Twilight, I didn’t Pinkie promishe. There’sh a *hic* difference! You’re so shilly at timesh! Anyway, I have to go, bye! Bye Shnakey, I’ll shee you... Later!” She jumped to her hooves, planted a kiss on Twilight’s cheek, and ran into the front door of the library. “Twilight! You *hic* need more pushy doorsh!” After fiddling with it for a few seconds, Twilight sighed, and opened the door.

“Pinkie, can you at least Pinkie Promise not to destroy the town this time?” Twilight asked. She knew that as long as she Pinkie Promised, Pinkie probably wouldn’t destroy the town, no matter how drunk she was.

“Okie dokie lokie, Twilight! *Hic* crossh my heart and hope to... uh... fly! Shtick a... what were they *hic* called again? Ohh, yeah! A glazed muffin in my eye!” She did the actions pertaining to the promise, but poked extra hard when she imitated the ‘glazed muffin’ part. “Oww...*Hic* next time... remind me to closhe my eyesh.” With a shake of her head, Pinkie bolted out the door. Twilight sighed again and levitated her book. Suddenly, the grey mailmare popped her head into a window, looking around the entire library.

"Muffins?" Twilight facehoofed. Only Ditzy would appear at the mention of muffins.

"Sorry Ditzy, there's no muffins here, it was just Pinkie being... well, Pinkie." Ditzy hung her head in defeat, and slowly flew away. Twilight slowly shook her head and let out a barely audible sigh, thinking about what Pinkie could end up doing.

“Well, I guess as long as I stay upstairs under my covers, nothing bad will happen... right, Spike?” Twilight looked at him; he was still standing there looking dumbfounded. After a couple seconds, he managed to break the solemn silence that had plagued the room.

“Say, Twilight. Why is it Pinkie shouldn’t be allowed to ever have alcohol?”

“Well, Spike. Go upstairs and I’ll tell you the story of how Ponyville was nearly destroyed four months ago...”

Pinkie wobbled through the deserted streets; most of the other ponies in the village were at home, snuggling with loved ones on this fine day. Snowflakes had begun to fall, glistening when the sun’s rays hit it. There was a thin blanket already on the ground, but Pinkie didn’t mind the cold; it was rather fitting for the date. Her eyes were constantly trying to re-focus, as it had appeared that Ponyville had been doubled, or was it tripled? There were too many buildings to count. Pinkie decided it would be fun to try to count the amount of buildings there were.

“One... two... three... *hic* four” She stopped as the buildings slowly slid into focus. “Now there’sh... *hic* A third lessh...sho that means one and a third? *hic* That’sh shilly! There can’t be one and a third buildingsh! Or can there... that would be... *hic* Intereshting! Maybe I should talk to... uh... Sheleshtia about thish! *hic*” She giggled, having a third of a building would be interesting. It would be different, and different is always good because it’s not normal - I mean, what fun is there in being normal? Pinkie scoffed at the idea. A building’s only good at its fullest, most of the time at least. Pinkie once again laughed at the idea. Drinking this alcohol sure was a good idea. It somehow made an already perfect day even better! Pinkie thought for a second. The one thing she was missing on this more than perfect day... was a party! She put on a smile that stretched beyond her normal ear to ear grin. She did promise, after all, that she wouldn’t destroy Ponyville. A party was the only way to go right now, but Ponyville wasn’t the place she would have it. She looked around. Maybe the manticore randomly floating in the air wanted a party? He seemed awfully lonely. Pinkie ran towards the manticore, and gave a faithful leap into the air... only to end up muzzle first in the dirt a few feet away. She forgot: wings were what pegasus ponies had, not earth ponies! She looked up in the sky, and saw... Clousdale floating in the breeze ever so nimbly. Pinkie pulled a potion out of her assorted pockets.

“A third level water walking potion *hic*! Now I can walk on cloudsh! Now Cloudshdale can experience a real... *hic* party!” The earth pony laughed; this was going to be awesome! ...Now, how to get up there. Maybe she’d use her balloon from when she visited Rainbow Dash in the Best Young Fliers Competition. Pinkie contemplated this option for a while, but then she realized something better: her self-propelled gyro copter! She rushed back to Sugarcube corner, bouncing all the way, with a wide smile on her face. She looked to both sides before issuing a secret knock. Ms. Cake suddenly appeared out of a peep-hole, before waving her inside; Pinkie slammed the door open, nearly hitting Ms. Cake on the way, before bouncing over to her gyro copter.

“Hey there! *hic* It’sh been a while shinshe I rode shuch a magnifishent copter shuch as yourshelf!” Pinkie giggled. She hopped onto the gyro copter, and started riding it in what she thought was the direction to Cloudsdale, the only city that hasn’t yet experienced one of her parties. Maybe she’ll finally get to show that elusive city in the sky one of her famous parties. Well, they had been popular in Ponyville, at least. Everypony seemed to attend, so maybe everypony in Cloudsdale would visit one of Pinkie’s so called famous parties. She smiled at the idea. Her first party in a foreign place, and it would be heavily populated. She had made sure to pack her upgraded Party Cannon, taking care to include the necessary components for a proper party, and everything else. It was truly a wonder how she even managed to fit the cannon onto the gyro copter, but this is Pinkie we’re talking about. She rode herself up to Cloudsdale as fast as her hooves could make her copter go, with a somewhat malevolent smile across her face. These ponies would learn to have a proper party, even if her life depended on it! Although it was a rather long ride... Long rides weren’t fun. They tend to tire poor Pinkie out.

“Alright, let’sh shee if one of the potionsh I got from my... *hic* dungeon raid lasht week can help me here!” Wait... Pinkie, where did you get those from? I don’t remember narrating you on a dun- ”Shilly narrator, don’t even... *hic* ashk where I got theshe!” She laughed, fourth wall obviously broken. “Let’s she... we have... thish orange one... *hic* Orange’sh a shilly color, but don’t tell AJ! Uh... how about... thish red one? It saysh health potion...” She popped the bottle open and drank it in one gulp. “Thish better be worth it after that fight with those shilly shkeletonsh. They...*hic* nearly chopped off my tail, but nothing can touch dear old auntie Pinkie!” She laughed again, thinking back to how she had bucked all of the skeleton’s heads off. It only added to the hilarity when they started comically looking for their own heads. This had allowed her the time to go in and quickly fill her bag with whatever treasure she could get her hooves on. But that’s another story! She grinned; this was going to be a long day. The health potion had fully hit her, and she felt reinvigorated, finding a new born strength she didn’t think she had. In a matter of three seconds, she had tripled her initial speed and was showing no signs of slowing down. Within five minutes, she was maintaining a constant altitude above the housing area of Cloudsdale. There was a glimmer in her eyes, as she couldn’t wait to start having this party. Her vision was getting doubled again, but she was set on doing this. Slowly, she began lowering the gyro copter down, trying to be as gentle as possible. This turned out not to work, as she misjudged where absolutely everything was, along with her speed, and ended up plowing right into a house. The clouds easily gave way as the pink earth pony and her contraption came into contact.

“Whoopshiesh! Shilly clouds need to learn to shtay out of Pinkie’sh way! *hic*” she laughed. Her gyro copter was still... functional, at least. She’d have to go get Ms. Cake to fix it up later today. She looked at the back of the gyro copter and was content to see that the party cannon was still intact. She jumped off the gyro copter and landed with a soft thud onto the clouds. She poked at them for a little bit, checking how soft they really were. “Dashie wash right... Clouds are shoft!” she giggled. She’d have to get Dashie to make her a cloud pillow some day. She took her party cannon and brought it outside. The streets were barren like in Ponyville, except for a couple pegasus ponies flying around doing their daily business. Now, if only she had a stage... With a sigh, she hung her head in defeat. There was no stage; she’d have to find a different way to gather everypony’s attention. A quick thought came to mind, and she smiled. Without hesitation, she pulled on the string on the party cannon, and a cacophony of explosions, followed by a vibrant display of shrapnel streamers flew out of the cannon, tearing up the clouds in front of her. This seemed to have worked, as a bunch of pegasi left their houses to see what caused that loud sound that had disturbed them from a peaceful afternoon. A few stood shocked after seeing that an earth pony had somehow found her way to be into Cloudsdale, with a cannon, of all things. How do you get a cannon into Cloudsdale without anypony noticing? Pinkie chuckled to herself as pandemonium broke loose; this really was interesting.

“It’sh time to parrrrrteh, Cloudshdale!” She yelled, somehow screaming above the stampede of ponies trying to get away from this obviously crazed pony. With a second tug of the string, another violent flash of streamers and explosions was released, hitting and destroying a house with various party accessories. Pinkie stared dumbfounded at the house she destroyed. It was just clouds, right? No hard feelings... right? She shrugged. Oh well! Another pull, another cloud house whisked away into the wind. It wasn’t her fault that clouds were so easy to destroy. It’s also a good thing there was an inter-dimensional teleporter inside the party cannon, where the other side of it was linked to a party store. This allowed her the ease of having a near infinite supply of ammo. “Narrator... jusht don’t ashk, and it’ll be alright!” she stuttered out, oblivious to the fact that she had pulled on the string once again. Everypony must’ve been so happy with the sudden party she was throwing: they were all running away! Obviously they didn’t want to be around when she was setting up! They’d come back later, when it was all ready. She laughed again; she sure was laughing a lot today, and for a good reason, too! She didn’t remember having this much fun since... a long time ago! She wondered where all the ponies were running to. Did they have a meeting spot? Maybe she should drop by and tell them the party was going to be ready soon!

“Wait up, everypony! Pinkie’sh coming!” She bounced after them, pushing the party cannon along. A few pegasi looked back at the pink earth pony running at impossible speeds towards them, somehow managing to push a cannon! Their faces twisted into looks of horror; what was wrong with this pony? Pinkie's eyes met the pegasi's; their gaze caught her off guard. Why were they looking like they were afraid to party? Did they... maybe not like her parties? She was the element of laughter, not of horror! That would be an interesting element though, wouldn’t it? But back to the matter at hoof, these ponies... were scared of a Pinkie party? They were all... running away from Pinkie like she was a demon... that isn’t right... A tear escaped through her eye, as her normally puffy tail and mane suddenly deflated. Her bright pink coat quickly lost its brightness, and turned into a duller pink. Her wide smile was replaced by a wide frown, as more tears began to fall out of her eyes. Her expression quickly changed to a more serious one.

“I am going to throw thish party, and you are all. Going. To. Like. It!” she screamed. Everypony likes parties, these ponies surely will. If only Madame Le Fleur was here though, then it would be a party! She really needed to spruce this city up; it was too dull and white to be the center of a real party. This called for... speed shooting! With precision that would rival a sniper’s, she quickly aimed and shot at another house. Then another, and another. This entire city needed to become partyrific, and Pinkie would make this happen, whether they wanted to or not! It was a war zone of streamers and drinking cups, and Pinkie was the cause of it all. Apparently Pinkie had donned a helmet and facepaint out of nowhere. Best not to ask where. Although unable to walk in a straight line, she was able to aim without any trouble at all, determined to turn every house into a party accessory that would make everypony happy. A cheer from the running crowd suddenly drowned out the sound of the party cannon’s explosive rounds. They were saying something about... how the guards are here? She also heard one pegasus shout about how this madpony would now be stopped, confirming her suspicions that these ponies were in fact, afraid of her. A whir of beating wings broke her out of thought, as she soon realized she was circled by lightly armored guards. Their armor shined brightly as the sun reflected off of the beautiful golden breastplates. Their brilliant white coats mixed with the ocean blue eyes gave them a somewhat stoic look. On their face was a look that showed nothing, truly they had mastered to not show any emotions when they were doing their jobs. But still, this was a party. Maybe they wanted to party with her? Yeah! That would be it.

Twenty minutes ago:

Rock splashed water onto his face, it had been a boring day of working as the head guard for Cloudsdale. There were only nine other guard ponies with him, and unlike previous Hearth's Warming Days, this one had been...relatively quiet. Too quiet, as some would say. He knew it would be coming soon, the telephone ringing; a quick explanation of what was happening. Then all the guards would go arrest some drunk pony trying to start a fight with another. He had worked his post for the last four years, the pay was good. Being promoted to head guard last year though had given him more responsibilities then what he was used to. He looked back up into the mirror, and seemed to lock gazes with his own bright blue eyes. Then the phone rang, Rock jumped at the sound, before flying over to it and picking up the receiver.

"Head guard Rock here...yes, we're free...you're kidding right? There's a pink earth pony in Cloudsdale with a cannon that shoots deadly party accessories? We'll be right over, ma'am." He hung up the phone...this night was going to get interesting.

"Alright guards, we got a job near the center of Cloudsdale about, and I foal you not, an earth pony destroying Cloudsdale. So get suited up, we're going in. Make this quick, clean, so we can all go home early" He barked, not really wanting to believe this was happening. The other nine guards quickly dropped whatever they were doing and nodded in his direction. They quickly put on their armor, and jumped out of the building, before taking a perfect V formation.

Present:

“Halt! Pink earth pony, you are under arrest!” said Rock, who was  directly in front of her. Pinkie looked at him with an inquisitive look. She noticed that he was quite a bit taller then the other guards, so he must've been the leader, obviously.

Pinkie thought to herself, “Arrest? Why would I be arrested? This is a party!” Then a thought came to her.

“Ohhhh, I get it now. You shilly shilly poniesh want to play tag! Well then, you’ll have to catch meeeeee!” Her mane and tail went back to their natural puffiness almost immediately while saying this, prompting a strange look from the guards. Pinkie brought her front to the ground, and wiggled her rear, like a dog getting ready to play fetch. “I’m reeeeeeeeady! Let’sh get thish party shtarted!” The guard stood astonished, he never was expecting this... crazy pony to think of getting arrested as a jovial game such as tag. He sighed; this really was an interesting case. Pinkie was flicking her tail, waiting for them to make a move, her eyes shining brightly at the chance to finally play with some ponies in this party. The guard had had enough of this. He stomped at the cloud, lowering his head in the process; it was a fair sign that he was going to charge at the pink earth pony standing just a few feet in front of him. Pinkie waited until the guard was just a few steps away from her before pouncing up and over top of him, landing outside the circle of guards.

Rock had had enough of this. This pink pony thought that destroying Cloudsdale was...a party!? He really just wanted to get this over with, so he did the only thing that was on his mind: Charge. He ran at full speed at this nuisance of a pony...only for her to somehow fly over top of him, and land outside of the circle of guards. He quickly turned around to see the pony...shaking her rear at them in a mocking way. He swore he heard one of the guards behind him say something along the lines of 'that flank', he turned back to where the sound came from and emitted a small growl at his guards, an obvious sign that he didn't want anypony joking around. He shifted his attention back to the pink pony who was still mocking them in a rather crude way. He shook his head quickly, if he couldn't do this by himself, he'd just give the order to the rest of his guards.

“Shilly guardy! You’re gonna have to do better then thaaaaaaaaat!” She wiggled her rear at them. The guard was taken aback by the pink pony’s ability to jump to somewhat impossible heights, it was obvious in his eyes. His pupils were huge compared to just a few seconds ago when he had charged.

“Guards! Capture her at once!” Rock barked. The other nine guards turned their attention towards Pinkie, and slowly walked in her direction. Pinkie got back into her pouncing position, the look of a filly in her eyes; she just wanting to have fun. The guards did not know what to do with this pony. She was able to do impossible things when she was just having fun... what happened if she actually got serious? Rejecting the fear in their minds, one of guards jumped at her, intent on capturing this pony no matter what tricks she managed to pull. Pinkie giggled, much to the dismay of the guards, and side-stepped the first guard.

“You can’t catch me!” she said in a mocking voice, before bouncing away from the guard spitting out a piece of cloud. This was getting boring... the guards obviously couldn’t catch her no matter how hard they tried. Pinkie scoffed at the idea. Maybe it was time to do something else... a random thought came to mind. No party was complete without... dancing! She laughed, she needed to dance with somepony right now. Looking back at the guard that was just getting back up on his hooves, she bounced back over to him.

“Hi there, shilly guardy! I’m going to danshe with you, ok?” she said, the sound of excitement filling every word she spoke. She pounced over him and landed behind him, quickly grabbing his flank. “Conga lineeeeeeeee!” she yelled, and started to push on the guard while nodding her head to non-existent music. “Now thish ish a party!” She continued pushing on the guard, looking over at the other nine who were just standing there with their mouths open, unable to comprehend what was happening. This pink pony now had a guard held hostage, and was... dancing with him. In a conga line. Roughly half the guards just facehoofed, not wanting to even try to understand what was happening. There were crazy ponies that did crazy things on this day, but this was just... the craziest. The crowd that was watching just began to walk away; nothing else could be done, and they really didn’t want to get into any of this mischief. Pinkie noticed all the ponies leaving rather rapidly.

Rock just stared, there was nothing else to do. This pony had just groped one of his guards into a...conga line. After dodging him, even though he was the fastest flier on his side. Nothing seemed to make sense when this pink mare was around, so he just facehoofed. This was...too much. The crowd that was captivated with the thought that the guards would be able to catch this destructive pony began to slowly leave. His guards around him were just staring also, this really was the strangest Hearth's Warming Day he had ever patrolled on. He decided that he was going getting a few drinks at the bar when this was done.

“Aw, ish the party already over? But it wash jusht getting goooood!” she whined. It was getting rather late, and Gummy still hadn’t been fed. “Omigosh! I need to go feed Gummy! Bye danshing partner! Bye guardiesh! Maybe we can have a party shome other time!” She nodded, before bolting down the street. No guard even tried to follow her. There really was no point. She would just outrun them and dodge them... guess the best thing to do was to send a letter to the Princess and hope somepony would catch her eventually.

Rock watched the pony run back the way she came at a speed that would rival just about the fastest runner in Equestria. He chuckled, that pink pony was just too much for even a group of guards to catch. She was scary though, this was all in fun for her, if she had gone serious, her guards probably wouldn't be going back to their families tonight. This thought sent shivers down his spine.

"Alright, everypony. Pack up, go home. You're all dismissed from duties for the rest of the night, in fact, take the next few days off! Let's just...never talk about this again. I'm going to write a letter to the Princess, and see what she can do about it" He ordered. The guards nodded, and quickly flew off, not wanting to be near the area where they were just made fools of. Rock watched them all fly off, at least they were going to get to spend time with their families soon. He sighed. "I wonder what the Princess will think about this one..."

Pinkie Pie was in the cloud house she had crashed in, getting her gyro copter ready. The party cannon was having difficulty fitting back on... but it’d fit eventually. After a few seconds of poking it, it decided to finally stop falling over. She giggled, and mounted her copter. She started pedalling, and soon enough had gotten enough altitude to look over what she had done to Cloudsdale.

“Shilly Cloudshdale, you look soooooooo much better in pink!” Pinkie laughed. Most of the city was empty, the houses destroyed. The ground was coated with a rainbow variety of streamers and various party accessories. “I feel bad for whoever hash to clean that messh up!” Slowly, she made her way back to Ponyville, the sun just setting beyond the horizon. It looked so beautiful at this time of day, and Pinkie was mesmerized by it. She didn’t notice that she was quickly losing height, and was on a crash course for Sugarcube Corner. She snapped back to reality just before smashing into the giant gingerbread house, but it was too late. With a loud crack, she was violently thrown to the ground. Not a good ending to a good day. She just laid there for a while, a nagging voice inside her head telling her to stay down, but she refused to listen to that silly thing. She slowly opened her eyes to see that her gyro copter was now a twisted metal contraption, no longer able to fly. She’d have to talk to Ms. Cake about getting that fixed in the morning. She didn’t want to stand; she was obviously very dizzy. As long...as she made it to her own bed, then she’d let the darkness take her. She slowly got up, ignoring a sharp pain in her back hoof. She limped over to the entrance, and she was glad to see that Ms. Cake hadn’t fixed the door yet. She walked into the house, and made her way up the stairs. Gummy was waiting for her there, just sitting and staring.

“Shorry Gummy... Looksh like I won’t be feeding you tonight...” Gummy blinked. “I promishe that tomorrow, I’ll bake you a shuper duper ultra mega epic cupcake thing!” she said, a little bounce returning to her step. Gummy just continued staring. “Oh, I completely undershtand, I’ll shee you in the morning!” She pushed open her door, and hobbled over to her bed and jumped onto it. “Thish...wash the best Hearth’sh Warming Day ever!” she muttered, before letting the darkness take her. Before long, the only sound that could be heard from her room was a loud snore.

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The next morning:

A head-splitting pain filled all of her thoughts. A groan escaped her quavering lips. What had she done to deserve such a cruel wake up call? Pinkie groggily got up, and limped over to her calender, unaware that her back hoof had a medium sized cut running along it.

“It’s...the day after Hearth’s Warming Day? Did I sleep through it?” Pinkie asked herself. She can’t remember even waking up yesterday, just going to bed apparently two days ago. Maybe this was just a prank by Rainbow Dash; she did enjoy doing those sorts of things. She laughed at the idea, but the severe headache cut it short. Slowly, she left her room, and started down the stairs, only for a loud sharp knock to come at the door. She sighed, customers already? It was too early for this... She walked up to the door and opened it. At the door was... Rainbow Dash. She looked rather worried.

“Pinkie? You don’t look so good, did something hit you yesterday? Anyway, that’s not the main problem. There was an attack on Cloudsdale last night! Celestia thinks it’s the Gryphons, but there’s no way to be sure. She’s off talking to their king right now! Apparently something flew up there and started firing a cannon of all things at random houses throughout the entire city! There’s over two million bits worth of damage done, and did I mention that no one knows who did it?” Rainbow Dash gave her a stern look. Pinkie wasn’t acting like Pinkie right now, even before she heard the news. She wasn’t...bouncing, which was odd, because it’s Pinkie. Pinkie noticed the worry in her friend’s eye.

“I wonder who could’ve attacked Cloudsdale, Dashie... I hope they find out whoever did it. Was anypony hurt, though?”

“That’s the thing, Pinkie! Nopony was hurt at all! If it was a true attack on Cloudsdale, they would’ve attacked ponies as well. This is why the investigators are stumped!” Rainbow Dash eased her worried look. Pinkie’s face was priceless, she was so worried. Maybe it was time to tell her...

“Oh, Pinkie. I know who did it though, and I promise to tell nopony.”

“Oh? Who did it Dashie?”

“You did.” The sudden look of horror on Pinkie’s face caused Rainbow Dash to flop over onto her side, and roll around in laughter. “We all knew you did it, Pinkie. No one brings a cannon into Cloudsdale without somepony knowing who it is, right Celestia?” Celestia walked out from the side of the house, her long mane flowing elegantly in the soft breeze.

“That’s right, my little ponies. Apparently, you were under the influence of alcohol yesterday, and while I do admit what you did was quite fun-” Celestia was cut off as Pinkie ran towards..something... Wait, Pinkie, what are you doing? How’d you... get outside of the story? Why are you grabbing my shirt?

“You did this to me! Now I half destroyed Cloudsdale because of what you did!” Pinkie screamed at the narrator, a look of horror on my face. Celestia lifted Pinkie with her magic and pulled her...back through the computer screen?

“While it is true that the narrator is the cause of all this, this is your fault that you’re so easily persuaded with the effects of alcohol. While you were trying to bring laughter to Cloudsdale with your... Party Cannon, you did end up causing more harm than good.” Pinkie kicked at the ground, her smile long gone.

“I’m sorry Princess... Can you ever forgive me?” Pinkie asked, locking a sad gaze with the princess. The princess nuzzled against Pinkie’s cheek.

“While I may forgive you for what you’ve done, I’m sure the citizens of Cloudsdale won’t be so forgiving” As Celestia said this, Pinkie looked away. “As such, I expect a friendship report from you for this whole...ordeal”

“Alright... umm... do I have to talk all fancy like Twilight does?” Celestia shook her head no. “Alright...I guess I learned that when your friends all tell you to not do something because it’s for my own good, I should listen to them, because they’re really looking after you and being good friends like they should be!” She spat out in one breath. Celestia thought over her words for a few seconds.

“Very good, Pinkie, I see that you have learned something from this. Now, I must go to help with the rebuilding of Cloudsdale” She nuzzled against Pinkie’s cheek again. “I’ll deal with you later though. You’re still in trouble.” Pinkie looked away; she knew that was coming.

“I know...” Pinkie looked around, hoping to find the comfort of Rainbow Dash, but apparently she had flown off at some point in the middle of the conversation. She sighed, watching Celestia fly in the direction of Cloudsdale, then put on an angry face. She walked back towards her room, the - Uh, Pinkie, Why are you back outside of the computer?

“I’ll deal with you later!” ...This isn’t going to end well. I’m just going to end this story before anything bad happens.

Moral(since someone wanted me to put a moral into my story): Don’t write about a drunk Pinkie. She will break the 4th wall over your head.

Have to give credit where it’s due:

Editors: Angelhood101, Doom_Pie(Mostly for punctuation and word choice), Es337 and MadJedi

Image: Es337

Special shout out to my friend Bronies on Kongregate, whose criticism inspired me to edit a LOT of this story, and make it a lot better<3