Sun's Lament

Hush little ponies. The night has ended and the dawn has come. See my light and take comfort, for I am watching over you.

Take comfort? I would be terrified.

What do you see when you gaze at the night sky? Do you see the moon in all its glory or the brilliance of the constellations? Do you know their names?

I am the beacon that shall lead you through darkness. I am the fire that warms your homes. I am the rays that bring life to your crops.

Indeed, you always have brought so much life.

I gaze upon the night sky only twice each day: shortly before dawn and shortly after dusk. It is my sister's canvas. She paints her very soul across that sky. The more you stare, the more you see. It is an intricate piece with so many details that even I would struggle to find them all.

She changes it every night, a never ending dance, an endless game of tag. The stars play to their hearts' content, and Luna orchestrates their fun. She's at it tonight, sitting on the balcony, spinning the stars round and round, working from memory to find the correct placement for each one. A tweak here, a little nudge there. I am amazed by her mastery of the sky. She makes it look effortless.

I sit next to her and take a brief look upwards. It is beautiful as ever. I tell her so as I turn back to watching her work. A small smile plays across her face as she thanks me. We slip into silence once more as she continues to brush her magic across the sky. I am content to watch her work, but I don't look up again.

I used to watch them more. I used to discuss their movements with my sister. I did more than simply compliment their beauty and turn away. I encouraged. I leant my opinion. We discussed. We had fun...

But even now, a thousand years is still too short. Time heals all wounds save those that fester, those that eat your very soul. Redemption is not a single act. It is a work in progress. It is a consequence, a punishment. I have worked over a thousand years.

I have only barely begun.

No more shall you cower from the dark shapes in the corner of your eye, for I will illuminate the shadows. No more shall you fear, for I shall be there with you. Your borders shall be secure, your lives care free. I will lead Equestria to peace and harmony.

What do you know of harmony?

I knew their names. For a time I shepherded them in my sister's absence. The stars were mine. I forged their paths. I found their nuances, the ways they influenced each other, and their orbits. I was their caretaker; the sun, the moon, the galaxies, the constellations, they were all under my wing. I knew them.

It was the worst experience of my entire life. Every night, for a thousand years.

It's all my fault...

I am the light.

Keep saying it. Maybe that will make it true.

I knew the stars. I knew the galaxies. I knew Steady North. I knew how stubborn he could be. He and Orion always wanted to fight, but the Dippers always put them in their places. I knew courageous Leo and strong Tauro and fork tongued Gemini. I knew my father Milky Way and my mother Andromeda.

Heavens forgive me.

I am the dawn.

Who are you trying to convince?

I knew the moon. I know her again. Thank the stars I still have my little moon.

She's working vigorously now. I can see the glow of an aurora out of the corner of my eye. I'm sure it looks magnificent. I wish I could look at it...

No. I can't look. I can't bear to look up at them again. Not tonight. I won't look at those stars I know... the stars I knew...

I knew Sol... I knew Terra...

Say it. Say it!

I learned a thousand years ago what my sister was doing, that never-ending game of tag she plays with her night sky. It was her way of coping. Her way of paying her respects. It tore me apart. I couldn't look up anymore. I almost couldn't look at her anymore. And that drove her away from me. Drove her to me. I didn't understand then.

Now I do. Nightmare Moon was my fault. Yet another stone on my back. I sniff silently and add another century to my penance. Luna's ear is twitching, but she doesn't say anything. All the better. What is my count now? A thousand millennia? I don't remember. After all, I do this every night. Maybe I should stop trying to count. I should just face the facts and accept that I never will consider my sins paid off.

I should look at the sky. Have I looked at them yet? I don't want to look, not again. But my sister deserves to be appreciated. Maybe I will pretend I looked tonight.

I used to see so much more and so much less in that sky. Now, the more I look, the more I see. It is vast. It is all encompassing. It is everything. It becomes my world, my universe. It becomes me.

I see nothing in that sky.

So now I don't look at the sky anymore. I don't look at the stars I knew... at the ponies I knew.

Go on! Make it true!

It is a work of art, a truly beautiful masterpiece. It is so fitting, the stars lain across an endless sea of black. I keep thinking the black will swallow them up, but no, they keep shining even now. It will last through the ages and creatures everywhere will remember the names I wish I could forget. Does she know how much it hurts me? Should I say something?

No. This is my burden to bear. I have already done enough to her. I'll tell her it's beautiful. I haven't done that yet, have I? Yes I'll tell her that.

She's frowning at me now, but she thanks me all the same for my words. I already said it tonight, didn't I? I feel ashamed, but she doesn't call attention to it, merely returning to her work. Does she know? Is she angry? I'm afraid to ask... Maybe I will take another peak to make it up to her. She deserves it. She's worth it. I could try to look again...

But no, I can't bear to look at it. I can't look at her sky where the stars keep shining on, where that vast expanse of nothing stays where it belongs.

Luna is my sister. She is the moon.

My name is Celestia.

I am the sun.

LIAR!

I... I am not the sun, but it is mine now. Oh stars! I wish it wasn't mine.

Forgive me. Please, please forgive me...