Hey, boys and girls, we're going to have lots of fun today! Let me start off by asking you this; do any of you know who RagingSemi is?
If not, allow me to give some quick details. RagingSemi is known for writing clop.
... See? I told you the details were quick.
Okay, I'll be a bit more detailed, RagingSemi is a writer that takes requests for clopfics, and is also known for never turning any request down. This actually came about (as I understand it) as a response to the attitude of many authors he'd seen as acting "superior" to those who enjoyed clop, and how clop fics were frowned upon by many. As a result, he began to do what other authors didn't, and that is take clop requests. For more info, I'd suggest either checking out his fimfic page yourself. And this interview's pretty neat.
He's like me, except more popular and takes requests for clop instead of riffs.
Anyway, as a person who isn't into clop I can't really fairly judge the quality of his works. However, I do think he's a fair writer, and a very creative one at that. I'm also really impressed by his ability to work with any requests that he receives. Actually, on that note, I'll also mention that RagingSemi receives some... "odd" requests. Take "Breakfast", for instance. I'll say right up front, this is the best second-person-breakfast-pony-clop I've ever read.
And I mean that.
If you're into breakfast-pony-clop, I'd strongly recommend giving this story a read without the riffing. If you're into clop, I'd not quite as strongly suggest giving this a read without the riffing. If you're a person who enjoys getting a laugh out of something outlandish and off the wall, I'd also suggest giving it a read. If you're one of my squeamish readers... Yeah, you may want to skip this riff. Seriously.
Enjoy!

---

Author: ... Crap. ... Double crap... Son of a-
Twilight: Hey, Author, what are you doing?
Author: Trying to beat this stupid choose-your-own-adventure game. It sucks...
Rarity: Should I ask why you're reading it then?
Author: Because if I give up now I'll be admitting defeat! And I'm not letting this stupid story win! (clicks mouse) Arrgh! Bah, at least I have the back button... Heh, stupid writer, I don't need any kittens for that time machine. I have technology!
Twilight: ... I won't ask.
Author: I bet I could right one of these myself, easy!
Rarity: What did you have in my mind?
Author: Okay, get this; "Cupcakes, the Choose Your Own Adventure Game"!
Rarity: Do you play as Rainbow Dash trying to escape?
Author: What? No! You get to decide how Pinkie kills Rainbow! The best ending results in a nice, cyan coat!
Rarity: Er, um...
Twilight: Pinkie! We need an interruption to change the subject!
(Doors shut and lock.)
Pinkie Pie: (from TV) Oh, goody! You're going to love the story I have for you today! Rainbow?
Rainbow Dash: (from TV) I hope you're hungry for some clop, because today we have a little story called "breakfast"!
Pinkie Pie: (from TV) I guarantee, you're going to really enjoy this!
Rarity: And maybe I'll grow wings and rule Equestria.
(Buzzers sound.)
All: We've got story sign!

---

You wake up looking at the ceiling.

Rarity: Great, second person narrative. Nothing I like more than being forced to commit horrible acts against my will.

The ceiling of your bedroom looks back down at you.

Author: I'm sorry, how did we end up in Pee Wee's Playhouse?

Suddenly alert, you feel three strong sensations right now.

Twilight: A burning in my right eye, a wet spot near my right hoof, and the smell of shame.

The first is how refreshed and energetic you are. It’s been a good night sleep, and you’re ready for a full day of fun. The second is that you’re absolutely starving. There was a big party last night. You feel maybe just a bit hungover, but it’s the kind of hangover that you know you can chase away with a big, greasy breakfast and lots of fluids.

Author: Only hangover I know of is the one where everything is too damn loud.

The third thing that you notice is that you’ve got a raging erection. It’s practically looking up at the ceiling itself. It’s so rock hard that it almost feels like it could explode. Even your balls ache, so ready for use.

Rarity: I... uh... don't exactly have the knowledge to make any judgment, but is that healthy?
Author: Depends on whether he means the literal definition of explode.

You’re not the only one who notices.

Twilight: "Bloomberg! How long have you been here?!"

“Hey, sugar,” you hear. You turn your head to the left. You see Coco Puffs, the cereal pony.

Author: Oh... The puns... The PUNS!

She’s wrapped up in the bed sheets. Maybe she’s been here all night. It doesn’t look like she’s been sleeping though. Rather, it looks like she’s been waiting for you to get up.

Twilight: She waited all night just for me to get up? That must've been very boring.

Well, you’re up now. She scooches over and places her head on your shoulder. She’s got a mane full of little, tight chocolaty curls. Her eyes are big and brown, deep enough that you could lose yourself in them. Her face is white,

Author: I guess you could say she's "white chocolate"!
Rarity: ... Really? This is what we're going to have to put up with?

but polka-dotted here and there with little brown freckles. The freckles grew denser the further down her body. The dots turned into splotches. The splotches grow into one great mass; her entire flanks and hind legs are entirely brown.
“Hey,” you reply.

Twilight: Wow. I really think quick on my hooves!

She quickly pecks a kiss on your lips. Then her hoof is moving down your chest. Down, down, it passes the engorged head of your cock, and she presses it into your balls.

Author: Allow me to demonstrate the noise any reasonable male human would be making at this point; "HOLY CRAP THAT HURTS LIKE HELL!"

Not hard, she presses it just enough to spread them apart a little. You close your eyes, lay your head back, and groan.

Rarity: "Ugh! Not THIS again!"

“Mornin’, Sunshine,” you hear, this time on your right. When you open your eyes you see OJ Pony smiling back at you.

Twilight: Will the utter creativity ever cease?

She’s the brightest, most perfect shade of orange you’ve ever seen. She almost seems to be glowing. The surface of her body is smooth and gleaming. There’s an almost translucent quality to her, as if you could see the sun through her if you held her up to it.

Twilight: I believe this is called, "radioactivity".

When she cuddles up to your other shoulder, she feels cool to the touch.
She reaches over and presses her mouth to yours, her lips, her tongue, they taste shockingly sweet but also sour, tangy. Her kiss is refreshing, but when she breaks it, it leaves you wanting more. You feel more parched then ever.

Author: You know, if OJ pony is the pony incarnation of orange juice, then I guess AJ is the pony incarnation of apple juice! (socked in the face by Rarity)

She’s descending now, both her and Coco Puffs. They’re planting kisses down your body. It’s only a matter of time before they get to your crotch. Your thirst is forgotten for a moment. You’ve got another desire which overwhelms your mind.

Rarity: To get out of this story as quickly as possible.

Coco Puffs places a kiss on the underside of your head, pressing it into your belly.

Twilight: Wait, so did she put the kiss on the underside of my head or my belly?

Then she slides her lips down your shaft

Author: I don't remember owning a mine.

and kisses your balls. Her slightly raspy tongue licks one, then the other, then she sucks them into your mouth.

All: ...
Rarity: Wait, she...
Author: Licked my balls, sucked them up, and put them in my mouth?
Twilight: ... Why do I have a sudden urge to wash my hooves?

It’s OJ Pony who sucks your cock. She grabs the head between her lips and shoves it straight down her throat.

Author: Wow, it's really busy down there!
Rarity and Twilight: Ugh...

The first thing you notice is how cold she is. It’s not uncomfortably cold. On the contrary, it heightens the sensation in every last nerve. You can feel her lips, her tongue, her teeth, the insides of her cheeks, in every minute detail.

Rarity: You can even feel an ulcer that reopened recently.

It’s a sharp contrast to the soft, warm pleasure of Coco Puff’s hot breath,

Author: Because that's how I remember eating Cocoa Puffs in my youth; stick a bowl of them in the microwave and nuke them.

and her tongue playing with your balls.
Your legs keep flexing. Your hips randomly twitch in ecstasy as the two breakfast ponies service you orally.

Rarity: Am I supposed to be having sex or having a seizure?

You can’t imagine a better way to wake up.

All: (exchange glances)
Author: I can think of a couple...
Twilight: Or a few...
Rarity: Or perhaps a million.

Then you notice the scratch at the back of your throat. The thirst returns. Tilting your head to the right, you take in the sight of OJ Pony’s ass. There’s a reflection of your sunlit bedroom window on the perfectly round cheeks.

Author: What did she do, use turtle wax on her bum?

It’s jiggling a bit as her head bobs up and down on your cock.
You lick your dry lips, then reach over and grab it. She lifts her nearer knee as you pull her rear end over and set it down on her face.

Rarity: Hold on, did I just put her rear on HER face?
Twilight: Is OJ pony just really flexible?

Her pussy is just a perfect vertical gash between round, shiny labia.

Author: You know this because you have a ruler and protractor in bed with you.

You run your tongue up the length of it, parting those wide outer lips. She’s even colder inside, and so juicy. She’s every bit as tart and tangy as she was with the kiss. Her juices are dripping down your tongue and relieving the dryness of your mouth, but it’s not coming fast enough.

Author: Was... that a pun?

Just beneath her pussy, from your perspective, are her little, round pony titties. They’re bouncing like molded jell-o now that she’s working your shaft faster and faster.

Twilight: That's the most appealing sentence I've ever read.

They’re in easy reach, being so close to her juicy cunt. You latch onto one of them.

Rarity: Using a grappling hook.

You place a nipple between your teeth, biting and sucking and pulling at the same time.

Author: Damn! What am I trying to do, bite her boob off?

Your mouth is filled with orange juice. It tastes freshly squeezed, as if it had been picked right off the tree. It’s pulpy too, just the way you like it. Your thirst is now quenched.

Twilight: I think I'm going to be a bit queasy.
Author: I have some fresh orange juice over here, maybe that'll make you feel better?
Twilight: ... Forget it, I WAS queasy.

OJ Pony must be liking it too. She’s deep throating your now, and taking it hard. She’s pushing you down into the bed. It’s squeaking loudly.

Author: (laughing) I guess the bed's having a good time too!

You’re making more noise than you thought. Somebody’s listening. The door of the bedroom opens. More breakfast ponies come in.

Author: Fellow riffers...
Rarity and Twilight: Yes?
Author: Brace for impact...

They were crashing out in the living room, but now that they know you’re up, they want to join in the fun. You watch them come in, just stealing glances from beneath OJ Pony’s writhing, fluid body. You can recognize them by their legs alone.

Rarity: "Hey! Nameless character! My eyes are up here!

There’s another liquid pony. She’s smooth and reflective, like OJ, only she’s a flawless, featureless white. Milk Pony hops up on the bed and starts fooling around with Coco Puffs.

Author: You might say she's "Cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs". (smacked by Rarity)

Following her is your good buddy, Sausage Pony. He’s not quite as sexually excited as you are, but he’s getting there.

Author: He's just glad it's not a "sausage-fest". (smacked by Twilight)

You can see his floppy pink and gray breakfast sausage dick sliding out of its casing sheath. His girlfriend, Bacon Pony, is right behind his tail.

Author: I wonder who "brings home the bacon" in that relationship? (double-smacked by Twilight and Rarity)

She’s as up for fooling around as he always is. They hop up on the bed as well. Waffle Pony is right behind Bacon. It looks like she was up early and knew there would be an orgy. She’s already ran some ketchup through her long hashbrown mane and tail.

Author: I wonder if this is going to be re-"hash" of last nights performance?
Rarity: For the love of all that's decent... Please, just be quiet!
Author: Maybe. I'm "waffling" over whether or not to stop.
Twilight: Author, we're warning you...
Author: Oh, come on, you need to "ketchup" with the- (A bolt of lightning suddenly bursts through the ceiling, striking author head-on. He smells faintly of burnt puns.)
Twilight: (horn glowing) I warned him.

You can tell that Waffle really wants your cock. With Coco Puffs distracted by Milk Pony, she makes a bee-line for your balls. She starts licking them, then as OJ pulls her lips up your shaft to the end of your dick, Waffle Pony starts sucking on it from the side. There’s a tussle as they both struggle for domination.

Author: What are they doing, playing Stratego with my penis?

Each takes turns sucking you off, OJ Pony cold and freshing, Waffle Pony oven warm and sticky.
You barely notice the other pony peeking around the door. You just met her last night and struggle to remember her name. She’s a bright yellow. She looks a bit nervous, as if this is her first orgy, and doesn’t know how she’s supposed to fit in.

Author: No... No... Ah, damn it.
Rarity: What?
Author: I'm picturing Fluttershy at an orgy now. I feel dirty.

You’re hardly able to think about it at the moment though.
It seems Waffle has won the battle for your dick.

Twilight: I hope she doesn't stick a flag into it to claim her territory.

OJ, conceding, rolls off of your body, giggling, to fondle and be fondled by Bacon and Sausage. Waffle is climbing up you.

Twilight: Mt. Nameless Character.

She looks down into your face with a pleasant smile, reaches a hoof down your body, uses it to raise your cock up at just the right angle, then presses herself down onto you.

Rarity: We're talking about a pony and a human being going at it. There is no "right angle".

Her hips start shifting up and down as she rides you.

Author: I think I know why I was so thirsty earlier.
Twilight: Okay, why?
Author: (puts on shades) Because I'm a little "hoarse". (dodges incoming projectiles thrown by Rarity and Twilight)

You wrap your arms around her and hug her tight. She’s just toasted enough of a golden brown that there’s a slight audible crunch as you squeeze her. You can feel that she’s soft and pliable underneath.

Rarity: Wow, that's... incredibly unnerving.
Author: I could just imagine it now... "Um, sorry, Waffle pony."
Twilight: "Oh, don't worry, that's just my exoskeleton."

You can feel it with your cock too, her batter is just on the right side of doneness.

All: ...
Author: The fuck does that mean?

You bury her neck into her shoulder.

Twilight: Good thing you had a shovel lying in bed with you.

Her fragrant aroma wafts into your nose. You can’t help yourself. You open your mouth and take a big, doughy bite. Not that she minds. Waffle Pony moans in ecstasy. If there’s one thing that the food ponies want as much as your cock, it’s to be eaten by you.

Rarity: Well, I believe I've just received my daily dose of creepiness right there.
Twilight: Would this be considered vore if they're food items?

Even as you chew and swallow her, you can watch the flesh of the bite spontaneously regenerating itself. She’s humping harder now. Some of her mane falls right into face and you begin to eat this as well.

Author: I'm pretty hungry.Didn't I eat breakfast this- Oh. Right...

She’s prepared her hashbrowns just the way you like it. Big, pure white, almost juicy shreds of russet potato, greasy as if they’ve been pan fried. Only the tips and edges have been cooked to a crisp. All throughout it’s been slathered with tangy, briny tomato ketchup.

Author: Ketchup?! On hashbrowns?! She's completely ruined it!
Rarity: Actually, I enjoy ketchup on my-
Author: COMPLETELY. RUINED IT.

As you nibble, she starts to scream.

Twilight: Come on, the story isn't THAT bad.

She’s already cumming. She slams her pussy down on your cock a few more times and her whole body shakes.

Author: I guess that's what you'd call a "breakfast slam"! (blown up by Rarity with a rocket launcher) Ow...

She props herself up with her front hooves on your chest and shakes once more. Her mouth is wide open and her eyes clenched shut. Finally her eyes open and she smiles, content. She begins to dismount. You’re watching as her pussy slides off of your dick. There’s a long, translucent brown strand of maple syrup reaching from your dick head to her lips. Even as she’s crawling away across the bed, one feet, two feet, three feet, that sticky strand remains together. Eventually it breaks and some of it falls onto your thigh, where it beads up.

Author: Is diabetes a type of STD?

You’ve been barely paying attention to the orgy going on around you. Sausage Pony is getting sucked off to your right. On your left, Milk Pony is making love with Coco Puffs. In fact, you’re being given a pretty good view of the action.

Twilight: Those front-row tickets were worth it!

Coco Puffs is on her back with her legs spread. Milk Pony is on top of her, and they’re rubbing their clits together. Sometimes it’s just slow rubbing, barely grazing themselves across each other. Other times they’re really mashing their delicate lips together. The deep chocolatey brown of Coco Puff’s pussy stands out against the blank white of Milk Pony’s pussy.

Author: You know, if they managed to have kid a kid, they 'd name it milk-
Rarity: Don't you dare finish that sentence. (horn starts to glow)
Author: ... Nevermind.

You keep watching Milk Pony’s cunt. She’s white on white on white, even on the inside.
You’re feeling thirst again. It’s not the same thirst as before, which was caused by a long night of sleeping, and slight dehydration from drinking.

Twilight: "Oh, I just drank a glass of water. I'm SO thirsty!"

No, this is the kind of thirst caused by eating dry or salty foods. There’s only one thing you want to quench this thirst. Fresh, cold milk.

Rarity: Well, that and every other non-toxic liquid. But that would make too much sense, wouldn't it?

You roll over and start to lap at Milk Pony’s pussy. She grunts in response, happy to have your attention. Just so Coco Puff doesn’t feel left out, you start to palm her pussy, rubbing her clit between your pointer and middle fingers.

Author: Glad to know I'm such a kind and generous soul.

Milk pony is raising her ass up a little higher, exposing her breasts. They’re as white as the rest of her, perhaps there’s just a hint of pink at the nipples. You suck one of them into your mouth and start to drink. It feels so creamy, cold and smooth running down your throat. Milk Pony likes your suckling so much that her other tit starts to express.

Twilight: Itself through poetry.

It sprays onto your cheek, and runs off of your face down onto Coco Puffs. There it starts to trickle down the cleft of her pussy, pooling a bit, before pouring out the bottom of it.

Rarity: Wow, this writer is oddly specific, isn't he?

You’ve drank your fill. You release Milk Pony’s nipple with a wet smack and take a few gasps of breath.

Author: Nothing like practically suffocating to get in the mood.

It’s not long before you roll back over and plunge your face down into Coco Puff’s sopping wet pussy. The milk that has collected here makes it almost like a bowl. The white milk is starting to turn brown, having mixed with chocolate.

Rarity: Pardon me, I need to proceed to cut out the part of my brain that just generated that mental image.

You slurp it down, making Coco Puffs giggle and quiver. You dig your teeth into her flesh and bite a chunk out of her pussy. What was just soft and fleshy a moment ago is now crunchy in your mouth, just like the namesake cereal.

Twilight: This may feel good now, but just wait till my doctor talks to me about my cholesterol level.

You take another bite, which sends ripples of delight through her body. Then you roll out of the way.

Author: Would this, perchance, be a barrel roll?

You don’t want to get too full yet. There’s still plenty of orgy left for breakfast.

Rarity: I never thought I'd ever read that sentence in my entire life.
Twilight: Savor this moment, because you'll most likely never read it again.

Milk Pony lowers herself and the two mares start to trib again.
You lay your head back on your pillow and wipe the chocolate milk from your mouth. Just to your right is bacon pony.

Author: Best. Pony. Ever.
Twilight: What's bacon?
Author: Um... uh... LOOK! A DISTRACTION!

Her face is buried deep in the bed sheets. Her ass, on the other hand, is sticking up in the air. It looks like she’s been reamed pretty good by Sausage Pony. Her pussy is still gaping. She looks pretty overwhelmed, but you, on the other hand, are hungry for more. You stick your face between her firm cheeks and start to eat her out. You run your tongue up and down the little delicate folds of her pussy. Her labia are made of breakfast ham.

Author: Must've been smoked ham, because the writer was high when writing this.

She’s got a sweet honey glaze going on. You want to lap up every last drop. She’s seasoned with just the right amount of salt too. You start nibbling at the edges. There’s a bit of pull before each bit tears off.
Bacon Pony has had enough of foreplay.

Rarity: That was foreplay? Sounded more like a brunch.

She’s already had Sausage Pony, she wants to know how you measure up.

Twilight: Three feet nine inches.
Author: Wait, it's THAT long?
Twilight: What? I was just naming a random measurement as a joke. What were you... oh.

She’s literally begging for you to fuck her as you’re literally eating her pussy.

Rarity: You know, usually literally is used incorrectly as a method of exaggerating a point. Here, I'm sad to say, the term literally is applied... (sighs) correctly.
Twilight: Rarity, you look depressed.
Rarity: Oh, don't worry about me. That happens whenever I read fan fiction.
Author: Annnnnnd that's a good sign we need a break. To the author cave!
Twilight: We're already in the author cave. We're literally trapped here every single time we have to riff!
Author: Oh... Right.

---

Rarity: Ugh... Why can't writers make these stories... shorter? Like "New Tricks"? That story was fabulous!
Author: That was, like, a page long.
Rarity: Precisely!
Twilight: Can this really be called a story?
Author: What do you mean? It's got words, right?
Twilight: That doesn't mean it's a story. A story is something with a plot.
Author: Oh, don't worry, there's PLENTY of plot here. (smacked by Rarity)
Rarity: Please refrain from further draining my sanity.
Twilight: Alright, let's give this "story" the benefit of the doubt. It could have a plot. Let's recap the events that have occurred thus far.
Author: Let's see, first, I, the character, woke up. Then, I started having sex.
Twilight: ... Anything else?
Author: I, um, don't believe we've gotten past that point yet.
Twilight: There you go.
(Buzzers sound.)
All: We've got story sign!

It’s time to oblige her. You get up on your knees behind her. You slide your cock into her ham, and you really start pounding that meat. She’s got a nice, round porky butt.

Author: This is a total rip-off. I wanted bacon pony, not ham-that-is-somewhat-like-bacon pony!

There’s a thick, meaty whack every time you slap yourself into it. As you grab her tight by the flanks, you get a long, good look at her tail, which she has raised out of the way for you.

Twilight: How polite.

It’s a real sight. It’s made up out of long thin strips of bacon. All kinds of bacon. There’s pepper bacon, pancetta, thick-cut bacon, bacon cooked hard and crispy, bacon cooked so it’s still chewy and juicy.

Author: What?! No turkey bacon?! Fuck this, I'm pulling out!

You tear off one of the last of these as your hips still work, and start to eat it. It’s got a big, fatty curl at the end of it. The pinkish red lean parts of the strip are done to perfection.

Rarity: I wonder, does she sleep on a stove?

You return your greasy hand to your flank once you’re done with the strip.

Author: When did I grow a flank?

The fucking is taking all of your attention now, it’s getting really good.

Rarity: Of course, because I was SO distracted while having sex before.
Twilight: When I wake up, my mind is always occupied with creating world-peace.

The heady aroma of bacon keeps wafting up into your nostrils. It seems to get stronger as the sex goes on. All around you food ponies are moaning and screaming and slapping themselves together.

Author: That sentence could also apply to a fan-fic about Saw.

You barely notice the sound at first, but it too grows stronger as time wears on. Then you can’t help but hear it. Bacon Pony is sizzling. She’s hot, but not too hot to bear. She’s not burning you, but you can feel thousands of little bubbles, as if her pussy were being fried around your cock.

All: Not HOT?!
Author: The grease is freaking boiling! Do you know the temperature that it has to be at for that to start?!

It’s pushing you to the limits. You squeeze her flanks hard enough to make her scream. You hammer your cock into her a few more times and then blow your load.

Rarity: "Fire in the hole!"

Your heart thuds in your chest for a few times. The sizzling subsides. You pull back, and your dick comes flopping out, covered in semen and warm bacon grease.

Author: Nothing like breakfast in bed. (Rarity and Twilight groan)

You rest your head on the pillow once more, and take a little breather.
When you catch your breath,

Twilight: "You're it!"

you notice the yellow pony, now sitting at the edge of the bed. Omelet Pony, that’s her name. She looks like she’s still a little uncomfortable.

Rarity: I feel like that character represents my viewpoint more than our nameless protagonist.

You ask her if she’s nervous. She tells you it’s her first time. You wave her over. She blushes at first, still a bit shy, but smiles and maneuvers around the other orgiastic ponies.

Twilight: That must be tricking, given that they must be flailing around like maniacs.

You reach up and gently grab her behind her head, then you pull her down and kiss her. She’s timid, at first, but soon warms up. She’s also, literally, warm.

Author: Badum-tish.

As you squeeze her, you notice how soft and fluffy her flesh is. It seems a lot of cream was used when her eggs were scrambled.

Rarity: ... I can't tell if that was supposed to be an innuendo, or if her father was a frying pan and her mother was an egg.

You take a bite, and it makes her giggle with excitement. Onions. Bell peppers. Cubes of ham, bits of bacon. Her braided mane seems to be made of cheese- gooey cheddar and stringy mozzarella, hints of swiss and pepperjack. You mix it in as you feast on her fluffy egg flesh. You’re simply stuffing yourself.

Author: You all realize I'll never be able to eat omelets again, right?

She’s loosening up and growing hornier with every bite.
You ask her to turn around, and she’s happy to. She sits down on your face.

Rarity: And suffocated you. The end.

You realize that when she said it was her first time, she wasn’t talking about her first time at an orgy. Omelet Pony is a virgin.

Twilight: She's not even dipping her toes in, she's just doing a cannonball into the deep end.

You decide to be gentle. She’s got a fried egg for a pussy, sunny side up.

Author: Meh. I prefer over-easy.

You run your tongue around the outside of the whites. They’ve been fried a light brown underneath. You nibble at the edges. She’s cooing with delight as you work around circles, slowly gnawing towards the center. You stop before you get halfway. Now you use your tongue. You reach out with it and gently press it against her bright yellow yolk. You apply a little pressure, then suddenly release and let it jiggle in place.

Rarity: ... You know, I could be doing something constructive right now. Like stabbing my eyes out. That'd be more constructive than reading this.

You draw circles with your tongue all over it.

Author: Hey, idiot! You're having sex, not playing Draw Something!

Her flanks, her butt cheeks, are flexing with a barely restrained passion. You part your lips and let the golden hemisphere into your mouth, slowly closing your lips again and kissing it in the middle. It’s time.

Rarity: To end the story?
Twilight: Don't get your hopes up.

You press your tongue into her yolk, applying just a little pressure. Then a little more. You hear her groan. Just a little more pressure. Her yolk pops. Your mouth is suddenly filled with liquid yellow, rich, goodness.

Twilight: If a yellow liquid suddenly started pouring out of there into my mouth, I don't think I'd be all that enthralled...

Your tongue passes through the yolk and into the tight hole beyond.
You’ve become so excited that you’ve achieved a second erection.

Author: Achievement earned: Double-Down. Or would this be double-up?

The way she’s heaving lets you know she wants it inside of her. You roll her over and get between her hind legs. Your cock slides in easily despite the tight fit. She’s well lubed from all the yolk. It’s like fucking a warm, soft, spongy pillow.

Rarity: Yes, because having sex with furniture is my life goal.

Where she starts to break apart, the gooey cheese holds her together. She’s screaming and writhing, loving your cock while you’re still eating her above the shoulders. She starts to cum. She tries squeezing you around your waist with her hind legs, but her eggy legs aren’t very strong. You’re giving you all you have.

Author: "I'm giving it all I've got, Captain, but she can't hold out much longer!"

Your body grows slick with sweat. She’s taking it all and only wants more. Your thrusting is starting to slow down. You feel something on your shoulder. It’s Sausage Pony’s hoof. He’s tagging you out.

Rarity: I've never been to an orgy before. Is that normal?
Author: Are you kidding me? All orgies are like professional wrestling!

With a sigh, you pull out, back away and let him have a turn. Sausage flips Omelet Pony over and mounts her from behind. He takes her pretty hard and pretty fast. You’re starting to wonder if you can even compete against a stud like that.

Twilight: Everypony wants to be sausage pony.

Milk Pony and Coco Puffs crawl over and make you feel better.

Rarity: "It's okay, nameless character... At least you have personality."

They give you the same treatment Coco and OJ gave you earlier, one’s sucking your cock, the other’s licking your balls. Only now Milk Pony is the one licking your balls. Her cold tongue sends shivers up your spine. Your sack contracts, and you feel refreshed. You’ve been watching Sausage and Omelet fuck. His thick cock is covered with yellow goo from her busted yolk hymen. It seems he’s finding her as insatiable as you did. She cums once more, but he starts slowing down. He stops, still deep inside, and lets out a long groan.

Author: Sounds like he needs some pepto bismol or something.

Finally, he falls backwards and his wobbly sausage dick comes flopping out.

Twilight: Is it me, or is there a lot of flopping in this story?

Omelet Pony starts fooling around with Waffle Pony, and you enjoy watching them for a minute, but then your attention turns to Sausage Pony.

Author: ... Is RagingSemi going to...?

He’s lying right next to you. His chest is heaving from exhaustion, but his cock is still sticking straight up at the ceiling. You know how he feels, Omelet is a hell of a lay.

Author: Well, considering eggs come from hens... (slapped by Twilight)

You take a look at his cock. It’s still glistening from Omelet’s juices. His casing is transparent. Inside you can see all the little bits of ground meat and suet. You can even make out some of the herbs, like ground black pepper and fennel. It looks delicious. You think about it for a moment.

All: No.

Then you reject it.

All: Good.

You think about it again,

All: NO.

reject it again.

Author: If you're going to gross us out, writer, just don't do it!
Twilight: The last thing I want is false hope that I don't have to sit through another sex scene.

You try not to look, but you can’t help yourself. Oh what the hell, you think to yourself, why not?

Rarity: Oh, let me count the reasons...

You reach out your hand and start to stroke off your food pony buddy. He closes his eyes and sighs. He starts to plead, in whispers, to god and and you.

Author: "There is no God here... Only clop fic!"

Yes, he begs, please.
You bend over, open your mouth, and stuff that sausage penis between your lips.

Twilight: Ah, nothing like alienating both genders from your story.

Your cheeks stretch wide, almost to the point of burning, as you try to take his girth.

Author: You can't ignore his girth.

He’s firm and salty. You try to take him down your throat, but there’s just too much meat and you only make it halfway. With your right hand, you stroke the lower half of his shaft, turning your hand in a twisting motion at the wrist. Up and down, up and down, you suck him as hard as you can.

Rarity: Quick question; are there ANY readers still following the riff at this point? I mean, seriously?
Author: I know right? This story sucks! (shot by the readers still reading this riff)

He sure seems to be enjoying it. He’s pressing his hooves down on your scalp, just forcing you

Author: To mind meld with him.

down a little bit harder. He’s mumbling and whispering how much he likes it.

Twilight: Either that or he's gone clinically insane.

You can feel him getting harder in your mouth. It feels like he’s about to pop. He tells you as much, and warns you he’s about to cum. You don’t stop or pull away, you just keep sucking. He explodes into your mouth.

Rarity: Literally, right?

Your cheeks fill with his ejaculate. It’s country gravy. It’s thick and rich and creamy. It’s nice and peppery too. You take every load he shoots, and when he’s done you look him in the eye as you swallow it down.

Twilight: Unless that look is filled with intense shame, this character does not actual represent my actions and emotions.

You’re slowly rubbing both your hands up and down his shaft, but there isn’t any more for you to squeeze out. You suck the head of his cock back into your mouth, then you chomp down with your teeth.

Author: (winces)
Rarity: Oh, don't tell me you've only just become sensitive to this whole ordeal.
Author: No, uh, sorry, it's just that my male senses are tingling.

You chew and swallow. Delicious. You look at the little hole in the center of his half-eaten sausage cock. A little dribble of gravy forms there. You lick it up, and take another bite.

Author: Nope, I'm sorry, I can't make it through this... I'm going to go puke as mental images of crazed self-insert characters biting my dick off fill my mind... (runs into bathroom)
Twilight: Hey, you can't- (not-so-pleasant noises come from the bathroom) Erm, you know what? You can just stay in there. for now.

And another, and another. You don’t eat the whole thing, you’re too full, but you bury your lips beneath the stump of sausage. You inhale, and get a wonderful whiff of his balls, freshly baked buttermilk biscuits.

Rarity: Those balls smell like what my mother used to make.
Twilight: ... What?

Your stomach says no but your appetite says yes. You take a bite of these.

Author: (from the bathroom) Oh god!

Warm, flaky, and just a little butter on the inside.
It’s all too much. You roll back into bed, on the same pillow, on the same place where you just woke up not too long ago.

Twilight: You mean there was no change in location?!
Rarity: I don't believe it!

You enjoy your post-meal bliss, just as Sausage Pony next to you enjoys his post-orgasmic bliss. You think you’ve had just about enough.

Rarity: Funny. I think you've just quoted the individuals reading this.
Twilight: First time the story has ever correctly identified what I was thinking.

You don’t know how much more you can take. Your bed is a mess, covered in syrup and milk and honey and gravy and semen.

Twilight: I feel sorry for the pony that does the laundry.

Your own body is much the same way. It’s time you hopped in the shower. You’ve got a big day ahead of you.
Waffle Pony has other ideas.

Rarity: What, is she planning to kill you before that happens?

She was watching you expertly fellate Sausage Pony.

Twilight: That's certainly one way to put it.

She wants to try it out for herself, on you. She gives pretty good head, but when she tries to repeat the twisting motion with her hooves, it doesn’t work so well.

Rarity: What is she trying to do, give him an Indian Burn?

Her hooves are flat, and they’re soft. Still, you’re in no position to complain.
Waffle hooks up a leg and shifts her rear over your face to sixty nine. You’re stuffed, but she’s giving you so much attention, you feel like you could at least give her a little yourself.

Twilight: I suppose if I die from my stomach bursting, I'll only have myself to blame.

You stretch your tongue up and lick between her lips. You taste pure maple syrup. It’s a bit like licking the plate after a full breakfast, somehow there’s always room for just a taste.
Your hips jerk. She’s pretty good with her mouth. Your hips jerk again. You’re close to orgasm. That should be a fine way to finish the morning. You’re looking up at her pussy. Her asshole. It seems made of waffle, like the rest of her, but maybe a bit more taut.

Rarity: You know, I'm trying to figure out what a pony made of waffles would look like.
Twilight: And?
Rarity: I said I'm trying, I didn't say I succeeded.

You happen to watch as it squeezes tighter, as if it’s flexing. You pay more attention to it. It flexes again.

Twilight: Show-off.

Then it seems to bulge outwards, as if pushed by something from behind. It’s too late to stop. You can feel yourself cumming again, you can feel it moving down deep. Her anus flexes, then dilates, opening wide. There’s a mass, pushing itself outwards. She bears down on it, and it comes squeezing out. It’s a pale yellow-white. You cream, blasting your cum down Waffle Pony’s greedy throat. The stuff falls on your face. It’s butter. Warm, soft, salted sweetcream butter.

Rarity: Then why's this story leaving a bitter taste in my mouth?

You mash it with your face into her pussy, and rub it all around. Then you start to eat again. You can’t help yourself. You’re in absolute heaven.

Twilight: I think I need to get my eyesight checked.

You only hope you can save room from Lunch and Dinner.

Author: Or you can puke your guts out like me...
Rarity: Are you all right?
Author: Help me, natural gag reflexes. You're my only hope...
Twilight: Try not to make any refernces right now, conserve your strength.

---

Author: Ah, hell... I think I need a cigarette...
Pinkie Pie: (from TV) I knew you'd enjoy it!
Rarity: Pinkie, do you own a dictionary? Because, if you do, I strongly suggest looking "enjoy" up and find out what it actually means.
Pinkie Pie: (from TV) Silly! I know what it means!
Twilight: I doubt that.
Rarity: I do have to give this story one thing.
Rainbow Dash: (from TV) What?
Rarity: It's going to be easy to go on a diet now.
Pinkie Pie: (from TV) LOL!
Rarity: I... beg your pardon?
Pinkie Pie: (from TV) Oh, nothing... (under her breath) ROFL. (normal voice) Press that button, Rainbow!
Rainbow Dash: (from TV) Roger that!
(Rainbow Dash presses the button, and the TV turns off with a blip.)

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