I've gotta be honest, I was REALLY excited when it came to this entry. I mean, I've heard good things about this story, but when I finally read it... I was blown away. Not only that, but the sheer magic of this story caused me to grow a second penis. I can now have sex with two girls at once. I won't, however, because the sheer magnificence of this story has caused me to ascend beyond the need for any mortal pleasures.
Anyway, enjoy!

Author: Are you all pumped?
Rarity and Twilight: Yes!
Author: I said, "ARE YOU PUMPED?!"
Rarity and Twilight: YES!
(Doors swing shut and locked.)
Pinkie Pie: You're in for it today! Because today's prank is-
Twilight: C'mon, Pinkie pie, just get on with it!
Pinkie pie: Wait, you're excited?
Rarity: Of course! We heard today's story is Spiderses and we rushed right over!
Pinkie pie: But... The story is horrible.
Author: Shut your blasphemous tongue, demon!
Twilight: Hurry up! Are we going to have story sign or not?
Pinkie Pie: Okay... This doesn't feel quite the same as it usually does...
(Buzzer sounds.)
All: We've got story sign!

---

the spiderses -A TROLLFIC-

Author: Oh, he's just being modest.

by ~Argembarger

Rarity: I follow his updates religiously. He has such a way with words!
Twilight: We're assuming this writer's a he, right?
Author: For the purposes of this riff- scratch that- this experience, yes.

It was a beutiful spring daty in equestrias when tilight sparkle was in her study where she lived.

Twilight: I like this start. It's unique, and really sets the atmosphere for the story, as well as establishes a location.

Spike! She sayd, come here spike! And spike camed over to her, What do you want Twilight spike said and twilight said "Spike I need you to gt me the book of magic ok spike said I will get it for you and he went over to the bookshelf to get the book for Twilight Sparkle. It was a dusty book and spike almost sneezed but he didn't.

Author: You know, if Spike had sneezed, I'd think this writer would be too predictable.
Rarity: I know! I could've sworn poor Spike was going to sneeze, but when he didn't... Well, it just threw me for a loop!

He gaved the book to twilight and she said thank you spike go away now" and spike said ok I will go away and he slided away like a dragon.

Twilight: Considering Spike's a dragon, he's really in character this story.

TWlilight opened the pook to chapter 5 and said ok magic please happen and the magic began happening in her horn and she did the spell!

Twilight: This writer's really done their research! That's precisely how you cast spells in Equestria.

it was a magic spell and she knew that it was magic which is why she casted it because her cutie mark is magic because she is a uunicorn.

Author: I like this. Nice, simple logic that the readers understand. It's good when the stroy makes sense, unlike some other stories we've riffed.

The spell made everything bigger and eight. "why is everything bigger and eight?>?" wilight said. oh it is because i am a spider now

Rarity: Oh my! What a twist!
Author: It's exciting plot points like these that inspire me to write my own stories!

spider twilight wet up to the bookshelfs to find a fix spell to fix the spell. but she culdn't open teh books or even grab them because she was a spider and not a unicorn and her horn was gone and also she did not have a voice that coudl speak loud enough for spike to hear her adn go get her book for her adn even if she did she probably woulnt want to because Spiek would see her as a spider and maybe get scared or angry and then stomp all ove r her which would make her dead spider twilight abd that is bad.

Author: Again, the thread of logic is top notch!
Twilight: I haven't once questioned what's going on in the story. You can tell the writer put a lot of work into making the events flow.

and then she herd a voice well not really a voice but it sounded like another spider! she oculd understand the spider clicks and she new that it was a spider and that she had to go and talk to this other spider because that is what spiders do (talk to other spiders)

Rarity: It's in the job description.

a red spider appeared and said "helo twilight I am a big mac spider now?? why' and twilight spider said "uh big mac spider is it because I casted a spell that wsent wrong" and the big red macspider said ok well maybe but can you fix it and twilight said

Author: Awesome! I really hope the writer goes in a TwiMac Spider shipping! I've always wanted to read one!

oh ok said the red spider wlell if we are going to be spiders forever lets have spider sex and twilight spider said ok

Author: FUCK YEAH! This is the greatest story EVER!

well but i don't know how to have spider sex and big spider mac red said it is probably easy ok are you ok with this i am asking permission to have spider sex with you

Rarity: THis i one thing I really like about this writer, he addresses important social conflicts such as underage sex and the issue of obtaining permission.
Twilight: Underage sex? I'm-
Author: Stop! Your age hasn't officially been declared, so we can't discuss this topic any further.

twilight said i dunno spiders are creepy and weird
and then big mac said twilight WE ARE SPIDERs

Author: Ha! Classic Argembarger!

and then tiwlight said you have point ok i guess we haf to make the most of it right
and then big mac said that is the spirit yes ok spider sex

they started to have spider sex and it felt rely wieird for twilight but twilight nevr even had normal regualr pony sex so spider sex was the weirdest most strage thing ever.

Rarity: I know EXACTLY how you feel, darling!

it was like a crunchy potato chip bag full of chips got throwed into an chainlink fence and i dont know wer this metaphor goesing. amynore.

Twilight: Oh... And it was such a good metaphor too.
Author: Maybe note the sand paper feeling?

after the spiders sex twilight felt funny on the inside like something real not normal. big mac spider said is it ok twilight spider if i live here with you so we can have more spider sex and twighti said i dunno i gues so but i dont want to hav spider sex for a while that was werid and big mac spider red said this is ok i will wait for you to be ready beacuase i am a gentlespider and twilight said ok i appercieate it.

Rarity: This story is a delight! All the characters have such good manners!

chapter two : spiders

Author: The story has good pacing.
Twilight: I like the chapter name. Really let's us know what we're getting into.

there was a living like that for a while time where they lived together and had some spider sex sometimes but only when twilight felt extra sorry for big mac. spidke was downstairas and crying lotgs because he didnt nkow where twilight went to and twilight wanted to go make spike feel less ad but she was a spider and couldn't talk?

Rarity: (Sniffs.) I'm sorry, the emotional tension is just getting to me.
Author: (Bawling like a baby.) Oh Celestia... WHY?! WHY DO THE GOOD HAVE TO SUFFER LIKE THIS?!

twilights belly got bigger and bigger and she didn t know wat was hapneing and then spider mac red big said uh i tink you might be getting redy to have spider babies : and twilight said WATTT and big mac said "eeyup" excupt for he couldn't actually make that word sound because he was a spider and doesn't have pony voice boxes anymore.

Twilight: Naturally.

twilight was real sad and upset because spider babies were gross and creepie and wierd and she creid an little bit but big mac red spider gaved her the biggest mos happy hug ever and said i always watned to be a daddy and even though i didnt want to be a spider daddy i will try to be the best spider daddy ever and be here for you all the times and ok? and twilight felt the most happy but still was not happy at the same time.

All: Daaaaw.

then one day twilight had to laye spider egegs adn it was the most strangest it felt like a bubble wrap bubbles being poopd out. and then she was sad and upset agin but big mac spider was tehere the hole time and made her comfort. he borught her spider food which was bugs and twilight was finally ok with eating bugs with spider big macs help she nkew she had to eat them to be alive and being alive was more good than eating bugs was bad so she did it and was sad and upset because the bugs were gross but it was ok becas she was a life.

Author: You know, I hear if you cook stinkbugs in the oven for about ten minutes or so you can use them as a sald topping. They taste like cilantro.

bbig mac spider helpd her gaurd the eggs for many many many many days until one day the egs were very big and had dark thins movin around inside of them and twilight knew they were her babies and she was kind of happy a little bit and big mac was happy because she was happy and then she was even happier because big mac was happy but they didnt hav espider sex because big mac new how much twilight didn t like that because it felt werid and also she didnt want to have more babvies and neither did he really but he was redy to be the best spider daddy so that twilight didndt have to worrie.

Rarity: Notice the tactical use of run-on sentence here.

a fter a few more a days the eggs started moving and they knew that the eggs were going to hatch because twilight was smart and she knew all about eggs.

Twilight: Glad to see I'm in character this story. It really captures my level ofintellect without making me seem unrealistically smart.

they watched the egg pile of eggs move around and then they heard little baby spider clicks and they new it was the baby spiders and they watched even more much.

The eggs all hatched simultaneously and vast multitudes of tiny spiderlings swarmed out in a screeching horde.

All: Daaaaw.

Twilight and Big Mac started to scuttle away as quickly as they could, but they soon found that they were in no real danger - the spiderlings had no intention of killing their parents. They witnessed a solid black mass of itchy screaming death cover every surface of the library. Millions of spiders continued to swarm out of the eggs. The flood seemed to be endless.

Author: Isn't that true! Especially in the Gravemind level.

Spike lay curled up in his little dragon bed, moping. Things hadn't been the same since Twi's dissappearance, and it had been over a week since he had any decent ideas about what to do about it. He was depressed and miserable.

Twilight: Such emotional depth... I'm on the verge of tears...

Suddenly, he heard a scratching, high-pitched noise coming from upstairs. His curiosity overcame his melancholy and he plodded up to investigate.

He was intercepted by a solid wall of spiderlings pouring down the stairwell, which overwhelmed him almost instantly.

Spike had just enough presence of mind to scream, but doing so did nothing but allow the swarm of spiders access to his lungs and stomach. The spiderlings drained his fluids for sustenance, and Spike died in horrible terror and agony.

Author: Oh Celestia... (Barfs.)
Rarity: I've never... I'venever read such a horrible fate happen to anypony! (Barfs.)
Twilight: You know, I'm kind of hungry. Anypony have some haychips? (Barfs.)

chpapter three : spiderday

allf the spiders runed away from twilight and red spimder mac and tehy didn't know what to do tbecause they were so many spiders of the eggs. big Mac said "hey you spider babies you are my spider babies now litsen to me!!!" and but the spider babeids didn't listen because they were making too much noise

Author: Blast! At least the writer's careful to cover any plot holes. I'd have thought the spiders would listen to Big Mac, but the noise drowning him out makes sense.

but they wuld of listen if they could because mac spider was they're daddy and they luved him and there mommy tewilight more than any of the bugs even the juicy ones.
big mac spider said to twilight spider "i am so sorroy I am the wurst spidder daddy even tho i promised I was gonning to be the best one even " Twilight felt really bad and sorry for big mac spider because she knew that he tried his best and but if there wasn't an biggest problem happening she would give him the hugs.

Rarity: Maybe some spider sex would make him feel better?

twilight thought hardest with having ideas and then had one idea "spider big come here and help me ok" and spider mac sd alright what do you want me to do twilight and?" twilight said I need yo to throw me into the spiders and red mac said are you sure?????/? you tohugt spiders were creepy and wierd! and twilight said I knmow but i need too do this ok becaus big mac, WE AR SPIDERSs

Author: That... Wow. That was just... Inspiring. I know that doesn't really fully encompass the absolute epicness of that line, but that's all I can say. Inspiring.

and big mac said ok"

Twilight: Oh no... He's going to let her do it!
Rarity: Big Mac, stop! Twilight could be hurt!

Big mac pickeded her up by her legs with his legs and thre wher at the spider babies. She screamed a little bit but not really becasue she was trying to be brave like rainbow dash would be brave if she was a spider and flying at spider babies.
Then finally after falling for time she landed in thes pider babies and they diddnt know she was their mom because they were still just babies and crawling annd twilight spider tried to click at them to stop but they didnt know waht to do because babies are confused

Rarity: That is very true. Babies are often confused.

Big mac watched all the babies carry Twiilight away and he felt the most terribel and sad and said ' it is my fault that twilight is being carreid away by spider babies because i aws the one who had spider sex with her and she made babies because

I have to resuce her! he sed"

Author: Damn it, Big Mac! You should've done something! I mean... (Eyes well up with tears.) She's gone. And it's your fault!
Twilight: Author, calm down, it's just a story.
Author: I know, I just... It's really getting me, you know?
Rarity: (Puts her hoof sympathetically on author's back.) I know just how you feel. Come now, let's try to make it through. Together.

chapter 4: when spidrs are

Twilight: Very clever. The chapter title was left unfinished on purpose just to give the reader a bit of a cliffhanger.

I dont like this ? twilight spider thoguht I wish big mbac waer here he nows what to do every time!

but big mac was chsasing her and the spider pabies and she didnt know it

it was wery exciting.

All: You're telling us!
Twilight: I'm on the edge of my seat!

all the spiders ran thru equestria and all the ponies were scared and ran into house but except for one pone who stood in teh street and angry!

Stop spiders! she said and they stopped

Author: Whoa! Who is this bad-ass?!

an big brown spider jumped off of her hed (her head was gray and her coat was gray too and her hair was straighT) and the spider was bronw and big and made angry click.

Twilight heard the clicks clicking and knew that the spider had name: miriam webster!

Author: Could it be?! No... Yes! It's the ponyfied version of the dictionary! This is awesome!

and miram webster spider told all the baby spiders to stop being bad! tehy coudln't do what they did because what they did was something bad to do! and they had to stop and listen to their mommy spider like spiders do every

Twilight mom spider thoguht rely hard and all the baby spiders watched her and then big mac got over to where she was and said 'twilight Im so glad your ok!" and twilight said "ssh I'm thinking" and big smider mac said "oh ok sorry

Rarity: Geez, Big Mac, watch it next time!

Twiligth said I love you baby spiders but you did bad thing and made my friend spike dead! why you do that? and pelase so go make spike better and then go to everfee forest wer u belong as spiders! it will be" ok?

All: (Holding their breaths. Will the spiders listen to Twilight? Will they continue their rampage? The suspense is killing me, and I'm just a description!)

and the spiders said ok mommy and they wetn back to where sipke was and tehy barfed all his juice back and he was better!

All: (Sigh of relief.)
Twilight: That was close! I was worried they'd already digested the juices and couldn't give it back!

spike said t"henk you spiders you are my best friends ' and the spiders made a happy face and then they hugged but this time they didn't drain all of spike's vital fluids

Author: Could you imagine if they did? That would've been hilarious! Like an April Fools joke or something!

then the spiders all listened to mommy twilight and wet to the Eferfree forest where spiders live happy and free and it was good

Rarity: My heart is now at ease.

Twilight and big mac spider red talked to miram and the gray pony listened (the gray pony was pinkie pies sister from cutie mark chronicles and she worked on the rock farm in case you were wondering)

Rarity: Ah, I see. Everything's tying together now.
Twilight: Did you really think a writer of this caliber would leave loose ends?

and twilight clicked thank you! to miriam webster and miram websetr clicked its ok listen twilight spider I am a wizard and I know yo and the big mac spider are not spiders at all but ponys who are spiders by accident?? do you want to be ponies again

Rarity: Oh goodness gracious! There's a chance they can be normal again!
Author: Be still my beating heart!

chapter 5 : the end spider end

Twilight: A great way to close a great story.

twilidn and big mac said yes! we want to be ponies again and miram sadi ok here I will do my spider magic and the spider magic happened! twilight and big mac were ponies again! they gave each other a big pony hug and because they were friends from being spiders together and it was good

Author: Yes! Brohooves for everyone!

Miram clicked and they cudlnt understand it anymore because they were ponies and not spiders but the gray pony (pinkie pies sister)

Rarity: Ah! I completely forgot! Thanks for reminding me story!

could undersand and she transtated the spider speak to pony speech and so they could talk some more

Miram said i hope you learned something from being a spider and Twilight said yes I did I will always remember! and I am aslo happy because I made a big mac friend and big mac said eeeyup and then big mac said listen twilight about being spiders and twilight said its ok big mac I understand and we can still be very good freinds forever ok? and big mac said ok

Author: Oh... I was hoping to see pony sex as well as spider sex in this story! That's my one complaint about the fic thus far!

Thank you miriam I said and miraim said did you learn anyhting and I thought about it really extra hard and I sed yes I did learn something but I will tel celestia about that ok? and miram said 'that is fair"

Twilight: The wise words of Miriam.
Rarity: I believe you mean Miraim.
Author: No, it's Miram.
(Moment of silence.)
Twilight: A character whose name can change constantly? Brilliant!

and

then I saw my bestest friend in the world Argembarger who was the most hadnsome aleicorn in eqeustria!

Author: Some people would argue that a blatant self-insert is narcissistic and egotistical. Those people are morons.

and Argembarger siad "helo twilight it has been a llong time" and i feel mysef blushikng because of how charming Argembarger alicorn was and I said yes it was had been a long time do hyou think we can spend some time alone together??

Twilight: Oh my... (Blushes.)
Author: What?
Twilight: Um... Let's just say if I had wings, they'd be sticking straight up towards the sky.
Rarity: Oh, I feel exactly the same!
Author: Me too! (Twilight and Rarity look at him incredulously.) Er, um...
Twilight: It's okay. EVERYPONY'S gay for Argembarger.

and he sed "I don't think so Twilight I have lots of important things to do becase I am an alicorn but mabe someday ok" and I was very sad because he was teh niceset alicorn ever but I said I understand adn he flew away and it was amazing!! I was so impressed and amazed and happy taht I got to see him

Author: Some people would argue that self-inserting yourself as an alicorn is one of the most Mary Sue things you could do. Those people are idiots.

then I went back to the library and found spike and gave him the biggest most happy hug ever because he was happy to see me because I was gone for so long because I was spider and I said spike pease take a leter and he said ok I will take a letter spike and then spike took a letter

Twilight: Yes! I've been looking forward to this all story!

Dear Princess Celestia, today I learned that spiders are creepy, but being a spider is better than being dead. Your faithful studnt, Twilight Spackle

Rarity: Words to live by.
Author: I'm going to print out a copy of this letter and hang it on my wall.

the end of the storei! you can stop reading now thank you for readingh my story

All: The pleasure was all ours!
Author: C'mon gang, after reading this story I feel inspired to start an orphanage. Let's go!

---

Rarity: So what do you think Twilight?
Twilight: Well, there were social implications that touched on conformity and a hive mind. It's questionable whether the writer was expressing a dislike of social conformity since he depicted the mob actions of the spiders in a negative light, or if he supports it considering that he positively depicted a singular leader controlling a single mass of people.
Author: But in that case, wouldn't he be showing support for a monarchy or dictatorship? A communistic government isn't, according to Karl Marx, supposed to be completely under the control of a single entity. Here it seems Twilight was serving the role of a monarch directing their group of peasents, as opposed to a communist leader that was more offering guidance to help move the country along towards equality.
Rarity: Ah, but you're forgetting that communism doesn't work quite like that in practice. There's always going to be someone of greater power or position. The society is idealistic, and it's impossible for all ponies to be of equal status. Considering China, for example, would you say that Hu Jintao is a leader who strives for equality, or is more of a dictator that governs the people as a dictator would?
Author: A curious suggestion, but what I think-
Pinkie Pie: (From TV) What are you doing?!
Twilight: Performing a literary analysis on Spiderses. Why?
Pinkie Pie: (From TV) But... Why?! It's a horrible story! It's a trollfic! There's nothing to analyze!
Rarity: Says you. I find the underlying political and social critique to be quite fascinating.
Pinkie Pie: (From TV) ... Forget it. I'm hitting the button.
(And so she does, with the TV turning off with a blink.)

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