Oh, the Humanity 1

"I-it's not going to fit. It's too large."

"It'll be fine." Ash took his robe off and tossed it over the now humanized Twilight. "Just try and ignore the sleeve."

He turned away to give Twilight the privacy to dress. Ash had reawaken a couple of hours later and nearly ruptured another nasal blood vessel. With tissues stuffed in his nostrils and his head a little more clear, he now considered the situation.

Something had happened, he knew that much. He began to turn his head over his shoulder before he caught himself. Twilight had done something last night, something magical, but whatever it was that she did, until she had some clothes on there would be no way for Ash to concentrate. And so for the time being, he kept his questions to himself.

Twilight meanwhile had been having troubles of her own. She fumbled with the Mage's robes and with her own fingers. "Um, does it open in the back or..."

"The buttons go in the front," Ash explained. "They go through the holes on the other side of the cloth."

Slowly, she slipped her arms through the sleeves. That much was very little trouble. Carefully, Twilight curled her fingers into a fist around the edges of the robes and pulled them over her front. The material was quite silky and soft, feelings she appreciated against her unfamiliarly sensitive skin.

Now came the buttons. Twilight pulled the sleeves back to provide space for her fingers to work. With the dexterity of a crippled horse, she pinched at the dark circles as struggled to force then through the tiny slits that were on the opposite side.

She grit her teeth in frustration. This would have been so much simpler with magic. Unconsciously, her hand went to her forehead and felt nothing but smooth skin. The lack of a horn wasn't completely horrifying but the lack of being able to use magic was, Twilight had to admit, more than a little frightening.

"Ash?"

"Hm?"

"Can you help me with the buttons?"

"Guh?"

"I can't get these stupid things to work." Twilight struggled with the buttons before throwing her hands in air in resignation. "I thought hands would be easier to use."

"It, uh, takes practice." Reluctantly, Ash turned around. His face turned as red as a beet as he extended his hands and tried to finish dressing Twilight with his eyes closed.

"Are you alright?" she asked. Ash had been fumbling with the buttons almost as badly as she had.

"Y-yeah." Releasing a breath in relief, he leaned back. "There, finished."

Twilight had been right; the robes were too big. Even with the top button done, the entire thing threatened to slip off.

"It'll have to for now," Ash said. "We'll get some help from Rarity later."

"You're still red. Are you sure you're not sick."

"No, I'm not sick. You know how, well, you're not suppose to change in front of a stallion?"

"...Yeah?"

"It's similar. When you're...naked and...well...that's why..." Ash grew more and more flushed. He took in a deep breath. "Never mind."

"If you say so." Twilight Sparkle crawled to her feet. Ash quickly jumped to her rescue and helped her wobble to the mirror.

"This feels so strange. How do I look?"

"Eh?"

"I'm curious." Twilight tilted her head as she examined the Human with purple hair. "How would I look by Human standards?"

"Er...I think you look, um...nice?"

"Nice...hm..."

"I mean, well, pretty...and stuff." Ash mentally kicked himself. He had never been very good when it came to women, be it comforting or complimenting. "I really like your...hair."

"So this is what a pretty Human looks like?" With a finger she stroked her cheek, then stuck her tongue at her reflection. With her purplish eyes still trained on the mirror Twilight shrugged and immediately began to shiver. "Ooh, that feels weird."

"Yeah..."

"This body is so weird."

"That's understandable. It's a new body. Now we need to figure out how you ended up wi--"

"Geez, it really is cold without fur. How you stand it?"

"Uh..."

"Ooh, wait." Twilight lifted a hand and as she examined her new fingers while she wiggled them, an alarmingly manic smile spread across her face. "I want to try writing like Spike."

"I guess we can do that but--"

"Omigosh, omigosh! You know what this is?" Her smile grew wider and more alarming. "A learning opportunity! Oh, there's so much I want to figure out."

"Um..."

"I wonder what's it like to use the bathroom."

"Twilight..."

"And what are these things here? I wonder what purpose they serve..."

"TWILIGHT!"

"What's going on?"

The two Humans turned to the stairs. Spike stood at the top, wearing a night cap. He blinked twice before yawning and returning upstairs. "Gotta stop having sapphires for midnight snacks. Messing with my dreams..." he mumbled.

A blush brushed across Twilight's face. "Oops, I guess I got a little carried away. Sorry."

"And I'm sorry for yelling like that. But right now we have more pressing manners. Like..." Ash stroked his chin with one hand and with the other he held Twilight at an arm's distance. "...how this happen?"

Twilight tapped her chin slowly with her index finger. "Hm, I'm sure I didn't perform any transformation spells last night."

"Well, what about before last night?" Ash asked. "Did you do any transformation spells this past week? No, wait...what spells--"

A sudden flash filled the library. Thankfully, Twilight retained the instinctive reaction to close her eyes at the blinding light as a Human.

"--did you perform yesterday or last night. Any spells, even the most mundane or...Twilight, are you paying attention?"

Ash stared up at the Human face before him. Twilight's mouth laid open as she looked back down, a staring contest interrupted only by the blinking of purple eyes. For several minutes, they sat there, staring, until slowly, very slowly, a silly grin spread across her face and Ash suddenly found himself crushed in her arms.

"Omigosh, you're so small!" she exclaimed with a giggle. "You're like really big doll, like they have at carnivals."

"Tch." Ash struggled against his restraints. Even though he was larger than the average pony, the grey stallion proved no match for Human Twilight's grip. She was nearly twice his size now. "Twilight?"

"Hmm?"

"I can feel my spine breaking."

"Oh, oops." She loosened her hold on the grey pony. "Sorry, I guess I don't know my strength now," she said with an embarrassed smile.

"I'll be fine," Ash assured as he leaped out of Twilight's embrace. "I'm still more concerned about, well..." He gestured. "Well, you. Did you do anything magically last night?"

"Well, I sort of, kind of did an oneirological monitorization and astro-self interjection spell," Twilight said to the floor. She kicked at the floor softly with the front of her foot, wincing as her toes protested against such an action.

"On...er...ical monitoring and astro...wait." Ash's eyes narrowed. "Astro...what did you do ex--"

"I'm so so sorry," Twilight cried. "I know you told me not to worry about it but I couldn't not worry about. Every morning you wake up from some ordeal and I just wanted to help. I had to help. It looked like you were suffering so much but would share your dreams so I performed a spell that would let me see them myself and I...please don't be made at me."

"You...saw..." Ash drew a deep breath and sighed tiredly. "I told you not to worry. I didn't want to involve you in my visions for a reason. Not only was that a huge invasion of privacy but what you did was extremely dangerous. If that spell had anything to do with astro-projection you might not have had a body this a morning. And then you saw...gah!" Ash fought the urge to bury his head beneath the library floorboards in frustration. "I know you just wanted to help but still...I'm not just angry; I'm furious, I'm relieved, I'm nervous, disappointed, frustrated, worried...can you at least look like you're taking me seriously now?"

"Sorry." Twilight tried her best to erase her grin but it was like watching Applebloom go off on one of her Cutie Mark related protests. Yes, Twilight felt guilty about invading Ash's mind and spying into his dreams (not to mention a little sick at the memory) but it was becoming difficult to remain guilty as the little Unicorn standing before her screwed and twisted his face as he struggled with his conflicting emotions.

With a groan, Ash folded his legs and collapsed. Tilting his head, he faced Twilight. He seemed to age a decade before her eyes.

"Great," he muttered, "now we've got to change you back."

"Aww, already?"

"You know the...risks?" Ash tapped the floor thoughtfully. "Actually...hmm..."

"Everypony in Ponyville already knows who I am and we can just say the transformation resulted from a spell."

"Somepony could still make a connection," Ash argued. "I mean, it couldn't have been a coincidence that a few weeks after the introduction of a new boarder at the library shortly following the first appearance of a Human in Equestria the librarian becomes one."

Even as the words left his mouth, Ash knew he was grasping at straws. "But," he continued, "I suppose we could risk a few days."

"Wait, you mean..." Twilight gasped. "I can...really?"

"It'll take sometime to reverse this anyways--"

A sudden squeak left the grey Unicorn's mouth as he found himself in an even more bone-breaking embrace, a sound that harmonized with Twilight's happy cheers.

"Oh, I can't wait! There are so many tests I want to try out."

Ash tried to protest but all he could muster were unintelligible squeaks and squawks. Helplessly, he began to frail and kick, accidentally knocking the pony bust to the ground.

"Geez, what's going on?" Spike groaned as he crawled down the stairs, still rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. "I was such a weird dream too and--"

The grey stallion picked himself from the floor and shook his head sadly.

"You're sooo ADORABLE!"

Spike never stood a chance.

Ash fidgeted uncomfortably in his seat as he counted the seconds. Against his every instinct, he let Twilight convince him to attend class. Twilight was quite adamant against the very notion of missing a school day.

And as upset as he was with the young dragon, Ash had to admit Spike's cleverness in freeing himself from his guardian's affectionate display:

"Hey...Twilight? Doesn't Ash have, like, five minutes before he's tardy?"

He actually had a good ten but the moment Spike finished his statement, Twilight had dropped him like a sack of potatoes on fire and nearly threw the grey stallion out of the library herself. When Ash had suggested taking a day off, steam spewed from Twilight's ears and before he knew it, Ash found himself in the dirt and dust several feet from the library's doorstep with a heavy saddlebag wrapped around his head.

In hindsight, the phrase 'leave of absence' would have been wiser than the term 'hooky'.

Ash glanced over to the clock. Recess would be here soon, giving him the opportunity to speak with Ms. Cheerilee privately. A simple explanation with few details should be enough, Ash decided, and he would be excused for the rest of the day, perhaps the rest of the day.

The Unicorn made himself a mental checklist. First, he had to make sure Twilight wouldn't attempt any insane experiments in the name of science; Applejack's rope would be useful and perhaps a little muscle from Rainbow Dash. Twilight was also in desperate need for appropriate clothing so a visit from Rarity would also be necessary.

Reluctantly, Ash added Pinkie Pie his list as well. He was going to need both Twilight and Spike's help with researching and figuring out a counter-spell, just like before, which meant the scaly assistant would have to be pulled from kitchen duty. And unless he wanted to starve, Ash would just have to ignore or adapt to Pinkie's random antics.

And for good measure, Ash made sure that Fluttershy would know of the situation. It was only fair that the Pegasus would also be informed of her friend's predicament. The problem was that Fluttershy could easily become a greater distraction than even Pinkie Pie. If Twilight caught sight of her, it would be impossible to get any help with the research. On the other hand, Fluttershy could keep Twilight preoccupied and away from the large pile of investigative equipment locked away in the lab beneath the library...

"Ash? We're waiting."

The grey Unicorn jerked his head up and lost control of his pencil, which found itself buried into the ceiling.

"Sorry," he said as giggles arose. "What was the question?"

Cheerilee frowned but before she could repeat herself a great thunderous roar echoed through the classroom.

A muffled groan could be heard as Ash bashed his long grey face into his desk.

Mayor Mare listened patiently as the strange furless creature claiming to be Twilight apologized earnestly and promised to repair town hall's windows.

The stallion who stood fearlessly next to the purple-headed biped (Ash, the Mayor remembered with slight bitterness; she never got her turn with the piñata.) explained why Twilight was no longer a pony carefully.

"Magic," he had said. It was also his explanation for the sudden sonic blast that originated from the library and spread throughout Ponyville.

"Well, Ms. Sparkle," the Mayor said, "I don't doubt that you will take responsibility for this. But I hope, for the town's sake, that until this transformation is reversed, you will avoid practicing magic."

Twilight nodded with some difficulty. "Sorry," she said again as a blush creeped across her face. "I just don't know what went wrong. Um, Applejack?"

"Ya?"

"Could you loosen these ropes? Their really tight, especially around the upper torso area. This is the upper torso, right?"

"Hold up," Rainbow interjected. "Do you promise no more nutty science projects with your own body?"

"I haven't even done anything yet," Twilight protested.

The door swung open and in came Spike, his arms filled with rolls and rolls of colorful fabrics and measuring tape.

"At last, thank you Spike." Rarity motioned to Applejack. "Applejack, please untie Twilight. I need her measurements."

"Not 'til she promises she won't do something crazy, like hack off a limb to see if it grows back. Wait, Ash?" The colorful Pegasus turned to the less colored Unicorn. "Can Humans do that?"

"No."

"I would never do something like that," Twilight defended angrily. "Spike still has his arms and legs, right?"

As voiced grew louder and tempers flared, Ash guided Mayor Mare out.

"Is there...I can see why Twilight's tied up," Mayor Mare said slowly. "But why were Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy tied up with her?"

With a shrug, Ash answered nonchalantly:

"Friendship."