These are mature rated oneshots I posted in the Xenophilia forum. I decided to post them here instead of in Shotglass Oneshots due to their mature nature. Also included is a new story I wrote to pad out this meager for your enjoyment. These oneshots are ridiculous in nature (or stupid, if you prefer) and should in no way be considered canon to anything. They are their own stories.

In his bed, under the Ponyville night, Twilight’s moans of pleasure reached screaming level as she thrust against Lero, lying underneath her, his delicate fingers playing with her clitoris, her wetness spilling onto his belly. When she reached her peak, and passed it, Twilight reared her head back and shouted, “Oh Celestia, I’m coming!”

“You certainly are, my dear,” Celestia said, as she lay on the plush rug in her private quarters, riffling through the latest Drapery Explosions catalog. Hmm, that chintz design is quite vibrant.

Standing at the window, staring out into the night, Luna fluffed her wings. “Is somepony climaxing somewhere, sister?”

“Yes, and it happens to be our lovely Twilight Sparkle,” Celestia said, after taking a sip of her now cold chamomile. That zebra pattern is in bad taste.

After some silence, as Luna stared past her reflection, she said, “It would be nice if, perhaps, somepony would say my name during orgasm.”

Celestia turned to face Luna, and watched her dour reflection in the window. “I can help you, Luna dear.”

“Truly?”

“Yes. I can leave subtle suggestions to direct those inclined to use our names during lovemaking.”

Luna turned to face Celestia. “But how?”

“Do not worry about the how,” Celestia said, with a soothing smile. “I have my ways.”

Luna let out a tiny smile, perceptible only to those who knew her well – in this case, just Celestia. “Thank you,” Luna said. “I know it’s a trifling thing with which to concern myself, but I do appreciate it.”

“You are very welcome,” Celestia said. Luna turned back to watch her night, hope in her heart. If she had just turned her gaze to a lower portion of the window, where Celestia was reflected, she would have seen that mischievous smile and realized her sister was up to no good.

The next morning, having stared intently into the mirror while panting heavily and slapping his penis against his belly, and then spurting semen against his reflection, Prince Blueblood shouted, “Oh Luna, I’m coming!”

Luna’s screams shook the entire castle.

“H-harder!” Fluttershy squeaked. Lero thrust with greater force as Fluttershy pushed back into him, her tiny moans of pleasure reaching a crescendo. Her wings were fully erect, and Lero reached through the feathery valley to pull her mane.

Fluttershy gasped, and came hard. Lero slowed down his thrusting to match Fluttershy’s descending orgasm. Her wings deflated as she collapsed onto the floor of Lero’s living room, panting heavily. Lero squatted next to her.

“Fluttershy,” he whispered, “I'm pulling out now.”

“Okay,” Fluttershy said, between her now quieting gasps. He left the secret country of her warm and tender flesh, spilling some of her fluids onto the carpet. That was fine – he'd clean it later.

“You did great, Fluttershy,” Lero said. “I'd say best yet.”

“Thank you.” Fluttershy said. She reached up with her hooves to cradle his face and pulled him down into a gentle kiss. “It means so much that you’d help us out with this,” Fluttershy said. “I'm so glad we're such good friends. I love you very much.”

Lero smiled as the warmth flooded him. “I love you too, Fluttershy.”

As Fluttershy shakily got to her feet, self-consciousness made Lero coy. Forcing his way through his sudden embarrassment, Lero looked over to the couch and said, “Well Big Mac, what do you think?”

“I think it’s her best, too,” Big Mac said, as he hopped off the couch and approached the two. Fluttershy smiled as the two ponies nuzzled and kissed. “What do you think, Fluttershy?”

“I’m ready,” Fluttershy said, with no hint of hesitation.

Big Mac smiled broadly. “I think so, too. We'll do it tomorrow.”

Lero went to see them off, saying goodbye as they exited his house. At the threshold, Big Mac turned and kissed Lero on his cheek. “Thanks, my friend. I'm glad you're helpin’ us, too.”

“No problem,” Lero said with a forced smile. He managed to maintain his smile, still feeling Big Mac’s lips on his cheek, as he watched the new herd walk toward Fluttershy’s cottage.

Lero shut the door and rushed into the bathroom, using the back of his right hand to wipe Big Mac’s sloppy kiss off his face. He turned the hot water on full blast, slammed a bar of soap into a sponge, and thrust both under the hot water, rubbing them together until the sponge was hot and lathery. As soon as the sponge was ready, Lero proceeded to vigorously scrub his left arm up to the elbow.

“Oh Lero, it means so much that you’d help us out with this,” Twilight Sparkle said, shiny with a beaming smile. “You’re the best.”

Walking next to her on the long hallway that housed the officer’s quarters in the Crystal Castle, Lero forced a smile and said, “Hey, anything for my mares.”

They approached an apartment door, and Twilight pushed it open with her magic. Inside was Flash Sentry, sans armor, casually reading Stupendous Studs magazine while eating an apple. He saw the pair and hopped from his sofa with a smile.

“He came! Hi Lero, thanks for being here!”

“No problem,” Lero said, forcing yet another smile as Flash hugged him, Lero laughing nervously as he patted his back, and then Flash kissed Twilight Sparkle.

They followed him into the bedroom, where he hopped on the blue satin sheets. Twilight used her magic to remove her regalia, and jumped on the bed with him.

Lero dug off his shoes and scooted onto the bed.

“You’re not taking your clothes off?” Flash asked.

“No, he’s just coaching today,” Twilight said.

“Oh, I really appreciate it,” Flash said. “I can’t last longer than twelve seconds. I think it’s because of my monstrously huge penis.”

"Anything to help," Lero said through clenched teeth.

“Get over here, you!” Twilight said, dragging Flash with her magic. They embraced, and kissed deeply, their tongues battling like rival wrestlers.

Okay, that’s kinda hot, Lero thought. Maybe this won’t be so hard after all.

Seconds later, Flash’s penis escaped its sheath and unfurled in all its glory. Lero’s mind boggled. It had to be thirty-one centimeters long, ten centimeters longer than the average stallion (and twice the length of his own).

“Okay, I’m ready,” Flash said.

“Wha-? Oh, okay,” Twilight said, and finally Lero cracked a genuine smile. Twilight was used to long foreplay (courtesy of him), but stallions rarely spent much time on it; they only spent enough time to get hard.

“Twilight, are you wet yet?” Lero asked.

“Yes, I’m good!” Twilight said. She turned around and lifted her tail, and Flash Sentry grappled with her flanks.

“Okay, enter slowly,” Lero said, and Flash followed those instructions with fluttering eyelids. It took a long time for him to hilt.

“Ohhhh yessss,” Twilight said, as she laid her head on the bed spread and lolled her tongue out. Lero grunted and clutched his chest. She never did that with him.

“S-something wrong, Lero?” Twilight asked, her body jutting forward and backwards with each thrust.

“Just indigestion,” Lero said, and Twilight’s response was, “Ohhh Celestia yes.” Her magic grabbed Lero’s hand and moved it to her mouth, where she bit down and moaned on it. Lero felt a little more heartened after that.

“Flash, thrust with your legs, not your hips,” Lero said. “And don’t go so fast! This isn’t a competition. Take it slow at first, to see if you can handle it.”

“Okay,” he breathed, and followed Lero’s instructions. He opened his eyes and glanced at the clock on the wall.

“Fourteen seconds!” Flash said with a gasp and a grin. “It’s working!”

“That’s gre-”

“Oh gosh I’m about to come!” Flash said.

“Relax yourself,” Lero said. “Don’t think about that pressure. Breathe and relax, maybe think about something else. Uhh, food or something.”

Flash closed his eyes and slowed down his thrusting, letting out a long sigh. He gasped and opened them again. “It passed! I didn’t come!”

“Good work,” Lero said, and, without thinking, he placed a congratulatory hand on Flash’s withers.

“Oh!” Flash said, as he came, speeding up his thrusts while Twilight gasped and writhed, Flash shooting his seed deep inside her.

Lero slowly removed his shaking hand, and curled it into a fist. He hid it behind him and unfurled and furled, working the tension out.

The two ponies parted, Twilight laying on her side with her tongue lolling out, having dropped Lero’s bite-marked hand, and Flash sat on his haunches breathing heavily. He looked at the clock.

“Twenty four seconds!” He said. “Twice as long as normal! Thanks Mr. Lero!”

“Uhhh, you’re welc-ack!” Flash jumped him and hugged him tight. Lero performed an amazing act of agility and speed by twisting his body out of the way of Flash’s deflating penis.

He succeeded in avoiding the dreaded appendage. Damn I’m smooth, he thought, but then, one tear of semen dripped out of Flash’s urethra, and landed on Lero’s pants leg with a sticky slap.

Lero went temporarily insane.

Twilight, breathing heavily, looked up in confusion. “Did someone just break a window?”

From her private quarters, Cadance leafed through her copy of Melting Mares magazine. She looked up toward a specific direction of the castle, and arched an eyebrow. She stood up with a growing grin and sauntered into her royal closet.

Lero walked down the hallway with clenched teeth as he dragged his leg behind him as if it was lame.

Shit shit shit don’t let it touch my skin, he thought, as he tried his best to pretend he couldn’t smell it’s muskiness oh god it’s right there kill me now.

He made it to his quarters with a whimper, and, with as much maneuvering as possible, negotiated the pants down his legs, and dropped them in the garbage can. He grabbed a matchbook from his bed table and lit a match and dropped it in, and then two, then three, then four before tossing the matchbook aside, the red cover reading Moonlight Café along with a drawing of an unfortunately smug mare with a chef’s hat looking on.

He dashed into the bathroom, tossing his clothes aside, and jumped into the shower, turning the hot water on and scrubbing the offending bit of flesh with sponge and soap. Oh god I can still feel it on me he thought, as his tender peach colored flesh turned red. Deep down, he knew he was being ridiculous, but he didn’t care. As far as he was concerned, he had a right to be.

He smelled smoke, screamed, and launched himself out of the shower. He grabbed the garbage can and its fiery contents and dumped it under the spray, water-logging the ashes and burnt cloth.

He turned off the water and observed the soggy stew whirlpooling in the garbage can.

You know what? The maids can take care of this, he thought.

He stumbled back into the bedroom, and observed the darkening evening through the curtains. Might as well, he thought. He was going to be alone tonight.

He crawled into the bed naked, not feeling like dealing with clothes, and flung his arm over his eyes to hide the harsh evening light. He let out a long sigh. Twilight had to meet with some batpony dignitaries. Batponies were nocturnal, so he wouldn’t be seeing her tonight. Lyra had traveled to Cloudsdale to visit with Rainbow Dash, who was stationed there with the Wonderbolts. They were supposed to meet up tomorrow morning, Dash starting her two weeks leave. He wanted to go there to be with her, but Twilight asked him to accompany him, which he was more than happy to do. Besides, considering the Wonderbolts, he knew what Dash and Lyra were getting up to.

This shouldn’t be so hard, he thought. I’m doing it for my girls. He knew they had all taken lovers after their agreement, and while the thought didn’t bother him, actually seeing it happen had a different effect on him. It actually made him sad.

Suddenly, a weight appeared on top of him. He frowned and removed his arm, opening his eyes.

Cadance was sitting on him, her rump facing his direct line of sight. She was looking at him with sultry eyes and bitten lip. Her pink hair was let down, accentuating her black lace choker and the pearl dangling on the hollow of her throat. Her legs were covered in black fishnet stockings, and she wore a tiny black bustier on her lower croup, the straps dangling oh so suggestively over her rump.

“Hey stud,” Cadance said in a husky voice. “How about you let me… cage that tiger?” She flicked her tail over, and exposed her pink fleshiness. She winked at him, creamy, pearly, and deep.

“Grrrr,” she said.

Lero’s grin almost split his face.

He met up with his mares the next morning at the royal dining room.

“I am totally starving!” Dash said, sitting next to him as bits of pancake fell out of her overstuffed mouth. “I’m so glad food was waiting for me after that long train ride. Ugh, we should have just flown.”

“I don’t like heights,” Lyra said, sitting on the other side of Lero, nibbling on scrambled egg.

“Yeah, yeah,” Dash said, dismissing her with a hoof flop.

“Well, I’m just glad to have you girls back,” Lero said, hugging them both. They took turns kissing him, and Lero got a little bit of Dash’s pancake.

“Hey, I can tell, big guy,” Dash said. She swallowed her food and winked. “You’ve been smiling since you got here. You’re really relaxed.”

“Yeah,” he said, dreamily. “I just feel really good this morning. Twilight, how are you holding up?”

“Great!” Twilight said, bags under her drooping eyelids. “The negotiations were a success! But I’m going to sleep on the train when we leave for Ponyville.”

“Well, I have a lap waiting for you,” Lero said, patting his lap. Twilight blushed and smiled, eyes full of love.

“Mr. Lero,” Shining Armor said at the entrance.

“Hi Shiny!” Twilight said, waving in her delirium.

Lero wiped his hands on a cloth napkin as Shining Armor, face hard, marched to him. Guards were crowding at the entrance to the dining room, watching closely.

“Did you have sex with my wife?” Shining Armor asked.

Lero turned to face him and said, “All night long.”

Shining turned to the guards and said, “He’s the one!”

The guards cheered as confetti burst into the room. For the first time ever, Shining Armor hugged Lero.

“Uhh,” Lero said.

“Lero, thank you so much!” Shining Armor said. “I love my wife more than anything, but, she’s just totally insatiable!”

“Yeah!” One of the guards said. “I mean, she just prowls the halls and grabs one of us to have sex with her! It’s just so tiring, you know?”

“Okay... what does this have to do with me?” Lero asked.

“For the first time ever, she’s completely satisfied!” Shining Armor said. “It’s been-” he checked the dining room clock, “-seven hours since you two finished that sex marathon, and she hasn’t grabbed a single one of us to satisfy her carnal needs!”

“I was actually able to visit my herd!” a guard said.

“My penis stopped hurting!” another said.

Lero checked with his mares. At first, their mouths were hanging open at the news, but now they grinned at Lero. Their pride in their stallion was obvious.

“And don’t worry, Lero! Your accomplishment won’t be forgotten.”

“Well, I'm fine if its-”

“We’ve built a statue in your honor.”

Lero sat up straight in surprise and worry. “Well... that’s nice, but I don’t need a statue.”

“I appreciate your modesty,” Shining Armor said, “but it’s already built. I mean, building statues is our thing, you know. Let’s go see it!”

With a churning stomach, Lero followed Shining Armor and his guards to the castle exit. His mares followed behind.

Lyra arched her eyebrow in delight. Dash was snickering and giggling. Twilight had her hooves over her blushing face as she fought against her wings springing erect.

“What do you think?” Shining Armor asked.

Lero, frozen stiff, stared up at his giant form carved in crystal. The statue was fully naked, and fully erect.

“I can’t believe I’m saying this,” Lero said, putting his hand on his head in disbelief, “but my penis isn’t that big.”

“Oh, you don’t understand, Lero,” Shining Armor said. He rose on his rear legs and placed his forelegs on Lero’s shoulders. Shining Armor’s eyes radiated sincerity and gratitude.

“Your penis is that big in our hearts.”

Twilight grimaced, and looked around. “Why do I keep hearing windows breaking?”

They took a first-class ride back to Ponyville, where they had their own private cabin, cushioned and facing each other. Twilight rested with her head in Lero’s lap, purring contentedly as he stroked her mane. Lyra and Rainbow Dash sat opposite.

Twilight raised her head and asked in a sleepy voice, “So Lero, I bet Cadance was the best sex you ever had.”

“She was good,” Lero said. “But you girls are better.”

The mares hooted and chortled at him, Dash saying, “Yeah right!” and Twilight saying, “We know better than to believe that.”

Lero shrugged and smiled. Yes, Cadance was the best sex he ever had. But that didn’t matter. He preferred his mares. He’d always prefer his mares.

And, deep down, he knew his mares would always prefer him.