"Be careful, Twilight!" Pinkie Pie cautioned as they entered the glowing cave. "I'm telling you, wishes come true in here! Especially poorly-articulated ones!"

"Don't be silly," Twilight laughed. "If wishes were fishes, then-"

She was cut off as a tide of several tons of flapping fish knocked her off her hooves.

The Lighting of the Log

"Best Hearth's Warming ever!" Rainbow Dash cheered, settling down.

"It was nice to spend it in front of an actual hearth," Twilight agreed. "Speaking of which, the fire's getting a little low. Spike, could you-"

"I'm on it, Twilight!" Spike said eagerly. He took a deep breath in.

"No!" the others cried, surging forward.

Meanwhile, in Canterlot, Princess Celestia was just sitting down for dinner with Luna, when she heard a noise. She looked up-

The Pink Punmaster Returns

"I dread to ask," Twilight said in exasperation, "but Pinkie, why, on the eve of the Ponyville athletics tournament, are you causing inconvenience and injury by stealing everypony's staircases?"

"Oh..." Pinkie Pie sat smugly on her throne of stairs, folding her forelegs in front of her. "Just taking steps to ensure my victory."

Inverted Joke Week, part 1: Fluttershy

"Oh." Fluttershy looked down. "So when you said that I should come over quickly because you were covered in hot chicks..."

Rainbow Dash snorted. "What, you thought I was talking about toasty chickens or something?" she said, leaning back and allowing Lotus to feed her another grape.

Inverted Joke Week, part 2: Rainbow Dash

Rainbow Dash and Applejack walked out of a bar.

"What the hay did we do that for?" Rainbow demanded.

"Because you're drunk," Applejack reminded her, pushing her along, "and it's time to go home."

Inverted Joke Week, part 3: Applejack

"Alright, maybe Ah'm just not understandin' this right," said Applejack, reading the script, "but how in the hay are we supposed to un-beat a non-dead horse?"

"I'm afraid I don't know," Rarity concurred. "To be perfectly honest, I'm beginning to suspect that the theme for this week was not entirely thought through."

Inverted Joke Week, part 4: Rarity

"Tum tee tum tee tum." Pinkie Pie made neat little noises as she carefully pressed and folded her clothes. She packed all her supplies away, organized everything into lovely piles, and got everything onto her shelves. She stood back quietly and sighed in satisfaction, then frowned. "Wait, what was the joke again?" she said.

"WHYYYYYYYYYYYYY?" Rarity screamed from elsewhere, covered in flour.

Inverted Joke Week, part 5: Pinkie Pie

"Oh no! Something unexpected is about to happen!" Twilight Sparkle cried, shielding herself against the floor.

"Yup," Applejack agreed. "Aaaaaany second now."

Nearby, Pinkie Pie was fixing a large hole in the wall.

Inverted Joke Week, part 6: Twilight Sparkle

Twilight's eyes widened in realization. "Wait a minute. If by this point in the sequence the joke itself is that the joke is inverted, doesn't that mean-"

Then Pinkie Pie crashed through the wall in a tank.

Inverted Joke Week, part 7: Spike

The parade was going splendidly. "This is amazing!" Spike exclaimed, accepting the flowers that pretty mares were handing him. "I'm completely happy, successful, and liked by everyone!"

Then he remembered what week it was, and his face dropped. "Wait, does that mean that it's my life that's the-"

Yup.

"Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!"

The Consequences of Not Checking the Mail

"Twilight?" Spike poked his head through the door. "There's a letter here saying you haven't paid the hydra bill in three months."

"Oh, those things? I threw them away. Come on, Spike, they have to be con artists if they don't even know that the word is-"

There were six simultaneous roars from outside.

"...Twilight?"

"I hate this town."

Meanwhile, in the alternate universe where Nonagon won and Equestria was plunged into eternal fanfics

"Wait, you can't do this!" Nonagon protested, pointing desperately to the top of the page. "The title says I won! You can't-"

"Metafics suck," Twilight Sparkle said. Then she hit him with an explosion of rainbow light, blasting him away until he was nothing but a distant twinkle in the sky.

The End?

"Um..." Pinkie Pie scratched her head. "Since we vanquished Nonagon, does that mean the story's over?"

"The story's never over, Pinkie," Twilight assured her. "Not so long as we have each other. As long as these stories remain, and as long as there are people who will remember them, there will always be more adventures for us to go on. Time can bring any one story to an end, but the magic of friendship can never-"

"Time's up," said Rarity.

"Oh, for the love of