Nonagon's Ultra-Short Bite-Size Pony Fics

by Nonagon

First published 8th of November, 2012

One-note stories in bite-sized servings.

Ultra-short stories with friendship that's magic. Can you dig it?

The other draconequus

"Give up, Discord!" Twilight Sparkle yelled, her friends gathered around her. "There's no escape this time!"

"Hm?" The draconequus turned around, a twinkle in his eye. He started to laugh, not menacingly, but jovially. "Oh, I'm afraid you must have me confused with somepony else." He extended a paw and a smile. "I'm Discourse, spirit of communication and mutual understanding. If we can just sit down and talk about this, I'm sure that-"

"Get him!" Applejack yelled.

Whatever the draconequus was about to say next was cut off by a barrage of cupcakes, custard balloons and lightly-toasted pastries.

Little Bakery of Horrors

"Pinkie?" Twilight Sparkle stomped her hoof impatiently as she yelled upstairs. "It's not polite to not keep appointments!"

In the basement, Pinkie Pie shivered against the side of an oversized mixing bowl. "But she's my friend," she mumbled.

"Think how many more friends you will have when my glory shines across Equestria!" the World's Largest Custard insisted. A thin pink glaze bubbled and cracked across its surface.

Gummy blinked, but said nothing.

To kick trees

Apple Bloom pressed her rear hooves against the tree. She tensed up as she had seen her siblings do a thousand times, then bucked out with all her strength. She hit the tree with a solid thud, but no apples fell. Instead of getting discouraged, Apple Bloom raised her legs a second time. With her friends cheering her on she bucked out again and again, harder and harder.

Nearby, Applejack lazed in a hammock. She pretended to be asleep, but kept one eye half-open. "Some day, little appleseed," she said quietly, a smile on her face. "Some day."

We're gonna need a bigger hat.

"Rarity, this has to stop," Twilight shouted through the boutique's door. "No grand prize can justify these extremes."

Rarity's voice came back, muffled. "It's all in good fun."

"No, it's not good fun when Fluttershy is literally lost inside one of your hats. Rainbow Dash went in to get her two days ago, and nopony's seen her since. Now take that off and help us fix this!"

"You're just overreacting! Now, I must be off. We'll talk once the fair's over." With that, the boutique lifted about two feet into the air and sauntered away, leaving the floor behind.

The birth of Pinkie Pie

"You can do it, sweetie." A greying stallion held his swollen wife's hoof, smiling supportively. "Just a little more."

The doctor nodded, peering down. "You're doing fine."

A tiny pink head peered up over the edge of the bed. "Who are we waiting for?" Pinkie Pie asked.

"Aaaaaaah!" screamed the doctor, jumping back.

"Aaaaaaah!" screamed Mr. Pie, falling over.

"Aaaaaaah!" screamed Mrs. Pie, passing out.

"Aaaaaaah!" screamed Fluttershy for no clear reason, who was scolded and sent to her room.

Pinkie Pie raised her tiny hooves in joy. "Surprise!"

Discorded Cloud Kicker

A mare lay on her back on a literally rolling purple hill. Her mane was arranged into needle-sharp spikes, some piercing through her ears. Her wings were on backwards, but she didn't mind because she wasn't using them at the moment. She watched giant edible storms drift by and glowered.

"I love clouds," she whispered, but didn't quite believe herself.

A human meets filly Rainbow Dash

The crackle of an interdimensional portal caught Fluttershy's ear. She looked up from her homework nervously, instinctively flattening herself against the cloudy floor. "Did you hear something?" she asked.

Rainbow Dash shrugged. She lay on her back with an action figure in one forehoof and a toy butterfly in the other, making whooshing noises as she waved them over her head. "Nah," she said after a pause.

Neither noticed the rather large hole that had appeared in the clouds outside until several hours later.

Nothing to worry about

"This won't hurt a bit," the doctor says as he lowers the needle. She trembles a little as it enters her leg, and while the doctor can see tears welling up in her eyes his encouraging smile doesn't change. "See? All done." He ruffles her mane and sends her limping out the door. "See you in six months."

Fluttershy is waiting outside, hiding a smile behind a newspaper. Rainbow Dash glares. "Don't. Say. Anything," she grunts, still limping.

The perfect Hearth's Warming gift

"Do not cry, my faithful student." Celestia approached Twilight Sparkle, gently lifting up her face with her wing. "I know you had the best of intentions, but you don't need to prove your love by showering me with gifts. Your love is already the greatest gift you could ever have given me, and I cherish it each and every day."

Twilight's eyes filled with tears. She strained to rest her head against her teacher's neck, and the pair embraced in front of the crackling fire. Then Twilight frowned. "You didn't get me anything either, did you?"

Celestia grinned. "Nope."

There are many like it, but this one is mine.

"Applejack, it's not worth it! You can get another one!" Rainbow Dash yelled down from above.

"Ah don't think you understand, Rainbow." Applejack dove for the fifth time, then thirty seconds later emerged with a brown shape in her mouth. She spat out water and flipped it onto her head. "This is mah hat."

A very difficult insurance claim

"In my defense," Twilight said, "this sort of thing is totally unprecedented."

The insurance agent was finding it difficult to keep a straight face. "So you never saw a problem with living in a wooden building, filled with paper products, with both a fire-breathing dragon and a baby phoenix?"

"And the explosive chemicals in the basement," Twilight added. "But we never had any problems before, honest."

"I see." The agent adjusted his glasses, then patted some glowing embers off his shoulders. "Even so, perhaps we should move elsewhere while we finish the forms for your balloon."

The lake of dreams

Scootaloo sat at the end of the pier, her tail twitching like a cat's. Her friends glanced at each other as she stared at the waters below. "School's almost starting," Apple Bloom said.

"I'll be there in a minute," Scootaloo said. A trout had come to rest beneath her, hovering in almost-clear water. It flew through the lake without even trying, its tiny wings even stubbier than her own.

She smiled and dove into the water, her forelegs spread wide.

The most fearsome creature in Equestria

"Sweetie Belle!" Rarity stomps her hoof. "Do hurry up! You're going to make us late."

"Coming!" Sweetie Belle pretends to be busy with her mane, sneaking a glance down the stairs. From behind Rarity, a pair of green eyes glare up at her. They both know what her sister doesn't: that a certain squeaky mouse is now dangling from the roof of Applejack's barn, and that no punishment from Rarity or Cheerilee can compare to what will happen if she doesn't find a way to get it back.

I wasn't prepared for this

Spike cowered. "Isn't this a little excessive?" he said.

"No!" Twilight's voice was tinny. "Do you have any idea what kind of crazy things everyone's going to throw at me now that catchphrase is out? 'Gee, I bet you weren't prepared for this!'" The last gigantic slab of power armor slid into place. "Well, I'll show them! I have power! Knowledge! Visual filters! Whatever totally unexpected situation comes my way, I will be prepared!"

Spike waited. Twilight didn't move. "Is it working?"

Twilight sighed. "I need to pee."

Then Pinkie Pie crashed through the wall in a tank.

To the Moooooon

The Nightmare slumped against a moon rock, staring at the world above her. Her armor was in tatters, her flowing mane limp against the ground. Perhaps she's changed, she thought. Equestria is so pretty now. Maybe she will listen to me upon my return, and not cast me aside once again like an old—

With a faint pop, a ripe banana peel materialized and landed on the Nightmare's face. She growled and threw it away, onto the pile behind her. Her collection of half-eaten fruits, broken appliances, and scrolls with poor spelling now covered nearly half a square mile.

Oh my.

"Oh, my." Rarity tried to say more, but no more words would come. Her jaw dropped further and further as she stared at the sandy fragments littering her boutique. She began to turn even paler than usual. "Oh... my," she repeated.

"Rarity, I can explain!" Spike yelled. He stood up from the pile of what had once been immaculately cut jungle emeralds, more crystalline crumbs spilling from his lips. There was a long pause. He sighed. "Okay, I can't."

An infinite number of walls

The trio stare in confusion as Twilight cowers in the corner of the barn. "Is she... okay?" Spike asks.

"Ah think so." Applejack shrugs. "She just took one little knock to the head, and now she's like this."

"They're watching!" Twilight stammers.

Pinkie Pie sneaks closer. She ducks behind a haystack near her and emerges from one behind Twilight, leaning close. "Can you see them?" she whispers.

Twilight's eyes dart around wildly. "They're looking right at us!" she hisses.

Pinkie Pie nods. "Welcome, sister. We've been expecting you."

Meanwhile, in the alternate universe where Nightmare Moon won and Equestria was cast into eternal night

The Night Mare posed on her throne. She primped and preened and held up a mirror to her beautiful face. She couldn't see anything because the only source of light she allowed, the Moon, was frozen in the sky directly above her, meaning that no light shone through any of the windows in her grand castle.

She looked around, as usual seeing nopony, and exhaled a large quantity of air through her lips. "This sucks."

Meanwhile, in the alternate universe where Discord won and Equestria was thrown into eternal chaos

Suddenly, everything ground to a halt. Five mares lay scattered around the library.

"What just happened?" Fluttershy asked. Her mane faded from blue to pink.

"Nopony move!" Twilight yelled as her friends started to pick themselves up. Everypony froze. "If left long enough, a sufficiently random state of chaos may, by pure chance, return to one that almost exactly resembles order. If we wait, this might stabilize." She looked around sternly. "Don't say anything. Nopony do anything that might throw the balance off."

Then Pinkie Pie crashed through the wall in a tank.