Where the Sun is Silent

They were below the window, on the steps that led into the house that Twilight had grown up in. Lover and Beloved, locked in an embrace in the night. The stallion would say his goodbyes and be off into the night, back down the hill to where he was staying with one of his groomsponies’ uncle.

Twilight trembled with barely contained excitement. “Just a few days! I’d say that I had butterflies in my stomach, but I don’t think it adequately describes this.”

Big Macintosh simply smiled and nuzzled her. “Eeyup.”

“I can’t wait,” she said, kissing him gently under the lamplight before nuzzling back under his chin. “I really can’t. I’m not even sure how I’ll get to sleep tonight.”

“I reckon that you’ll find a way. It’s been a long day, Twi. Besides, you girls are gonna need your rest for tomorrow,” he drawled as he stroked her mane with his forehoof. “But I know what ya mean now. I’m right wound up myself…” He smirked. “If I can get over those fine legs of yours and get some sleep, I know you can.” Twilight blushed furiously, swatting at him halfheartedly. They both laughed.

They quieted and stood still for a moment, ignoring their surroundings. The night was quiet, and the streets of this part of the residential area were all but abandoned. For all intents and purposes, they were alone here with each other, happy as they could be.

Fluttershy’s eyes bored into them.

Her gaze was like the arrow of a nameless and jealous god. She watched how they smiled and how they spoke in hushed, happy tones. Most of all, she noted how beautiful Big Macintosh was, the otherwise unkind gaslights casting his face in sharp contrast. He was a painted study in tenebrism, and as she considered him, her heart beat faster. He was exquisite, the most perfect of all possible stallions. Oh, she saw Twilight too—her feelings about that were a bit different.

“Fluttershy?”

She whirled, her wings flaring violently as she regarded the intruder with wide eyes.

Rainbow Dash stood in the doorway with a concerned look on her face. Fluttershy cowered as the now open door let light flood into the once dark room.

“Fluttershy? What are you doing?”

Oh, you know what I’m doing, she snarled in her mind. If Rainbow did, she was doing a good job of pretending; she obviously seemed to be waiting for some sort of answer. Fluttershy fought the urge to whimper, and shame filled her. What was she doing? It took far too much effort to resist the urge to wipe the sordid feelings from her coat.

“I… nothing. I’m not doing anything,” she said, not really having anything to say. How could she explain? Below, her sharp hearing picked up a final goodbye followed by distinctly feminine laughter. Fluttershy tasted bile.

“Oh,” Rainbow said lamely, turning the lights on. Fluttershy winced and covered her eyes. Rainbow hovered over and landed beside her. With gentle hooves, she guided her friend away from the window.

“We were kinda looking for you, Flutters. Nopony’s seen you since dinner.”

Of course they hadn’t. She’d been up here, waiting—knowing that they’d come out into the lamplight, knowing that he would be there, knowing she couldn’t watch them talking on the couches with Twilight’s parents, knowing she couldn’t deal with the playful jabs Rainbow would give Applejack about her brother being married, knowing that she wouldn’t be able to stay still or laugh when Pinkie inevitably made jokes about the farmer being an “auntie”.

Her friend continued. “You know… just wondering where my oldest friend was and all that. I guess you’re tired from the trip and all the chaos today, huh? It’s been getting to me to.”

Rainbow was rambling, and they both knew it. Fluttershy’s normal charity returned briefly, and the almost constant bitter mental monologue subsided. Oh, Rainbow. You’re not good at this whole feelings thing, but it’s okay. Don’t stop.

“Rarity’s got some tea going downstairs. You like tea, right? I mean, of course you do.” They were on the stairs now, headed down towards the living room. Below them, the couches were empty, and the space was dark. Twilight’s parents had retired for the night when their daughter and her intended had walked outside. The lights in the kitchen were on, however, and they banished the darkness from around the doorframe. The light tones of happy conversation drifted up towards Fluttershy, and for perhaps the fifth time since the wedding party had arrived in Canterlot she felt her stomach churn and her legs long to flee.

But she didn’t. She had to do this for Rainbow, who still watched her with uncertainty and concern. She had to do it for Rarity and Applejack and Pinkie and….

Twilight Sparkle?

She didn’t want to think about that right now. She prepared her false front. It wasn’t very hard, now that the stallion she loved was gone. She was naturally quiet and good at fading into the background, after all.

Twilight lay in her old bed and dreamed.

In her dreams, she saw the train hurtling towards Canterlot with reckless abandon, as if at any moment it might derail. She felt sick and weightless, floating in midair. Suddenly, as if some great hook had her, she found herself pulled toward the train. She phased through the ceiling of one of the cars and found herself back on the train she’d taken with her friends to Canterlot that very morning.

She saw herself talking with Rarity while Rainbow Dash napped beside them. She saw Rarity stroke Rainbow’s mane while her brother and Big Macintosh discussed something at the front of the train. It should have been something that warmed her heart, but the feeling of impending… something remained. What had started as wordless ill-feeling had become something more: dread.

The dream controlled her, though she was now aware of her own slumber. She found herself forced to look beyond her earlier self and away from her beloved, towards the almost empty back of the car. There, on the last row, was Fluttershy. Her friend Fluttershy, curled up and alone. It hurt her heart. She wanted to talk, to tell her that it was okay. She wanted to offer this doppelganger of her kind friend something: platitudes, some word she’d remembered from the Princess, anything. How had she not done this before? She willed the earlier Twilight to excuse herself from Rarity’s conversing and come back here. It didn’t matter that this was an odd place for such an intimate talk or that it was a little late to be having it. This was deep. Pain and empathy clawed at her.

But it was easier to see things from this angle. The Twilight who sat in her seat talking wasn’t thinking at all about the misery which festered five rows back. An uncharacteristically solemn Pinkie watched in her stead. The pink pony walked by and said something softly to Fluttershy that the dreaming Twilight could not catch, and the pegasus shifted to make room.

Fluttershy sat up, and the two of them talked. All the while, Fluttershy’s eyes drifted from her comforter to Twilight’s head, and then finally to Macintosh—where it stayed.

Twilight’s first thought was strong and unpleasant. Mine.

She banished the petty instinct almost immediately. Oh, Fluttershy… I think I may have made a grave mistake. I thought this would give you closure.

As Fluttershy talked, Twilight began to notice something out of place about her. On her chest, right in the center, there was a small dark spot. It stood out in stark contrast to her otherwise yellow coat. It seemed almost alive, moving. Surely that’s just… No, it’s moving. Oh Celestia, what is that? I think it’s growing. What is that?

Had it been there the whole time? She didn’t know, and she couldn’t dwell on it, for the tiny black spot had become almost the size of her hoof, and it was definitely moving. It swirled like a whirlpool.

She could feel it, in the strangest fashion. It was almost whispering words that would tease her mind with hints of meaning and then vanish as she tried to grasp at them. Her body was pulled in—driftwood before a maelstrom. She was paralyzed in mute fear. There was no fighting this current. The black swirling vortex had her now; there was no escape. The only one with agency here was Fluttershy. Somehow, she knew that this was something only Fluttershy could prevent.

And then she fell out of bed—panting—waking Pinkie with her ragged groans.