The fountain pen smoothly glided on the surface of the parchment, the dark, rather elaborate and curved signature contrasting quite well on its off-white surface. I carefully replaced the cap as Platinum Corona grabbed the parchment with her magic.

I couldn’t believe I was back in the Gentleman for Mares, I thought. Just an hour ago, Five Stars and I had left her apartment and, with her help, I was able to make it back to the Gentlemen for Mares building, which she called ‘the Pit’. She had basically held my hand (with her mouth, which felt... oddly nice) all the way. I still had misgivings about this place, the feeling somewhat intensifying once I had seen the door leading towards Platinum Corona’s office. She must have seen my expression because she stopped me just a few moments before I entered, asking if I was ‘sure’. All I did was nod.

I had entered the office, found the pink-coated unicorn sitting behind a large smooth wooden desk. Her mask had hidden her expression but I was under the impression that she wasn’t too surprised to see me. I didn’t know how to feel about that.

Now, here I was, sitting on a chair as she reviewed all the papers I signed. I took a moment to check out her office. Like the bar downstairs, it was a box of polished wooden floors and walls, strewn with carpets and furniture that kept the ‘old world’ feel of the place. Picture frames hung loosely on the walls, mostly of crystals with certain transparency. She also had a big map of Equestria.

“With the contract signed, I officially welcome you to the Gentleman for Mares.”

I looked at Platinum Corona sitting behind her chair, her eyes hidden behind her mask, but her smile looked genuine. I gave her a nod, relaxing slightly. She seemed honestly happy to have me. A boss like that would mean a somewhat comfortable working environment. So, yes, Harry, don’t give her a reason to get mad at you. “Thank you,” I muttered.

“Also, regarding last night,” Platinum began neutrally, “I’m actually a bit confused on why you’re here. It is not the first time I’ve seen humans run out of here after realizing what they were being recruited for, but we never experienced someone actually coming back the next day.”

“I... had a bit of a revelation last night,” I replied.

“Would you mind explaining to me?” Platinum asked. I looked at her, smiling slightly but keeping quiet. The unicorn waited for a moment before nodding. “As you wish.”

Maybe it was irrational of me, but I was a bit afraid of this unicorn. She was Five Stars's boss, and I was not sure if the earth pony had broken any rules yesterday by taking me in and... well, bedding me. It also didn’t help she looked bigger than any of the unicorns, heck, ponies I’ve seen so far, and the contract she had me signed also covered a lot of details, some clauses and sub-clauses redundant just to make sure there were no loopholes present. I had to re-read it twice. It showed that Platinum Corona was well aware of the Equestrian laws, even citing them on the contract itself. She surely must be a stickler for the rules, right? So where did that leave Five Stars?

Without really knowing, I proceeded by being silent, opting to review the contract over in my head again. As far as I was aware, nothing seemed out of the ordinary. I mean, it looked like a normal contract one would sign when being accepted to a human company, but it was quite generous in its medical perks. Apparently, Gentlemen for Mares fully covered all medical expenses. And it also wasn’t strict on ‘sales’ which basically meant I wouldn’t get kicked out because I was a bad lay.

“Something on your mind?” Platinum asked, taking me out of my reverie. I shook my head.

“No… well, yes, actually. I think it’s just starting to sink in,” I replied. I was now officially an ‘escort’. I couldn’t describe the feeling.

“You’ll get used to it,” the unicorn declared with a nod. I blinked. Wow. She was getting scarier by the minute. Did she have some sort of Magical Telepathy? “Don’t worry. We won’t just immediately have you bed mares,” she continued. “We want to ease you in.”

Platinum’s words brought me back to the happier memories of Five Stars and her comfortable mattress, and her far more comfortable warm embrace. I felt my face flush. Oh God, Harry. Don’t get a stiffie in front of your new boss. Especially if she can read your frigging mind!

I held my breath when Platinum looked at me before she said, “Let’s get you settled. We’re going to assign three mares to train you—an earth pony, a pegasus, and a unicorn. I’ll have your new Handler introduce them to you,” Platinum finished. Her horn glowed and her magical aura surrounded the door knob, turning it with an audible click. It opened, revealing a familiar white unicorn.

Ever Ring, I thought, surprised. Apparently, she was surprised to see me too, with her eyes widening, her triangular ears standing straight up, and her jaw dropping for less than a second before her face schooled itself into a neutral expression. I looked at Platinum, who was just… smiling.

“Mr. Harry Larson, meet your new handler, Ever Ring. Ever Ring, your new Gentleman, Harry Larson,” Platinum advised.

Ever Ring approached me, her face blank, which was quite a contrast with Platinum who had been all smiles. That really made me nervous. I slowly extended and offered my hand to her. After a tense moment, she extended her hoof and shook my hand.

“Ever Ring,” she declared neutrally. “I’m your new Handler.”

“Uh, right. Harry Larson,” I greeted back. “I… I guess I’m your new Gentleman.”

A nudge woke me up. It wasn’t the normal shift, but a rather noticeable motion that left my stomach swimming. I felt the cold biting winds, muted by the Warming Potion I drank earlier, moving in a steady fast rate that kept me from fully opening my eyes. My ears picked up the howling winds, the groaning sound of metal, and the steady rhythm of wing beats. I let my hand rub over the leather-covered seat of the chariot I was riding, while I stared at the two pegasi in front of me, pulling the air vehicle.

“Sorry about that, sir,” one of the pegasi shouted through the noise, apologetic. He did not look at me, opting to concentrate on his flying, like any professional and experienced chariot puller. “We spotted some indication of air pockets in the area. We had to avoid it.”

I blinked. “It’s fine!” I shouted, my voice mostly muffled by the bearing winds. I stole a glance to the side, half-wondering where we were. I didn’t get any indication. All I saw was the white fluffy clouds, the clear blue skies, Celestia’s Sun, and a washed-out canvas of mixed green and brown tones below. I definitely preferred trains for long travels in Equestria. There was something about the steady rhythm of moving pistons, the clanking metal, and the meeting of a few passengers that made the trip more enjoyable. The view would probably have been better. I mean, yeah, the sky and clouds were interesting, but it wouldn’t beat out tree outlines, seeing their branches and leaves filter the sunlight, having them sparkle like gems as the train passed.

It’s too bad, really. The train ride would have been cheaper too, but they were impossibly full, leaving only the more available, and more expensive, chariots. I guess that’s what I get for getting medical leave during peak seasons. Yes, medical leave. I have no idea why Eve said suspension. Either there was something seriously wrong with pony labor laws that ‘suspension’ and ‘medical leave’ were one and the same, or she was trolling me. I suspect the latter, probably poking at me for bringing Five Stars into the conversation. Instead of working with another client, I was on my way to Neighagra during their peak season. I sighed. Maybe next time, I’d have my body break down during a calmer time of the year.

I placed my hands at the nape of my neck, my mind still showing me images of my dream. Ever since conking out from the Booster, I’d been revisiting my past. It wasn’t even the vague, shadowy dreams I usually had (like the one of my father), but more vivid details of my first time visit in Equestria. Some were pretty... sexual, like the replay of me spending the night with Five Stars. Recently, though, I was having more and more dreams regarding Platinum and Eve.

I tried to relax. It was an hour before we descended. And as we did, I could finally see Neighagra Falls.

The Falls was a four-level waterfall system that cascaded down a mountain. The main attraction was the top, largest one, a bowed curtain of crystal blue waters crashing on its dish, which in turn gave way to two smaller waterfalls, followed by four, and then ending in ten mini falls, where the swimming areas were located. There were pegasi flying around, spreading rainbows around the area, leaving the Falls with a colorful misty look that was nothing short of… picturesque.

And yes, spreading rainbows. Apparently, they’re in liquid form here in Equestria, and taste sweet and spicy... very much like extra hot Buffalo wings.

The chariot bounced slightly as its wheels hit the ground of the landing area near the city of Neighagra. According to the Tourist’s Guide to Equestria (I bought the latest revision, which added details for human tourists), the city had been pretty much forgettable. Its only attraction was the Neighagra Falls, a very natural (meaning no pony manipulation at all. Think of it as the Everfree Forest for kids) landmark – that was until Princess Sparkle opened the Portal on the empty fields between the cities of Manehattan and Neighagra.

The landing station and train station were close together, leading out towards a receiving area. The first thing I heard when I landed was a shrill sound of a horn and the whoosh of escaping air. I saw people, ponies, and even other races like griffins and zebras coming out the track-bound vehicle in droves, in itself an interesting sight. Grabbing my backpack, I immediately exited my chariot, where it left immediately to clear the way for the other air vehicles coming in. There weren’t just chariots in the air, but also air coaches the griffins used, and to my big surprise, I spotted an airship coming from the distance. It looked like an important pony was coming… a Duke or Duchess, maybe?

Not wanting to congest the area because I was standing around like an idiot, I immediately moved towards the mish-mash group of species mingling together as we all slowly made our way towards the receiving area. Leaving the sounds of flapping wings, groaning metal and chugging steam, all of us made our way to a group of unicorns and earth ponies wearing flower necklaces, each of them handing out brochures. There were even tables for handing out complimentary drinks.

“Welcome to Neighagra,” one of them greeted, magically floating a brochure to me. I smiled at the unicorn as I took it, and opened it up. I expected some sort of advertisement for a hotel, you know, the usual type of hand-outs you’d typically get in a tourist spot. And while it did give a few names recommended for human stay, the brochure was really more of a list and guide on what to do on your stay in Neighagra. With my Tourist’s Guide book, it was redundant. However, the drink offered, a small glass of fruit punch, was quite appreciated.

Neighagra… how do I describe it? As soon as I stepped out of receiving area, I saw smoothed stone roads that paved the way, crisscrossing into intersections. The houses were of wooden dwellings mixed in with concrete structures, strewn in an orderly and calculated manner. It reminded me a bit of Ponyville, though the housing and road designs were definitely a blend of human and pony architecture.

The crowd of arrivals slowly dispersed, spreading out on all directions leaving me with a group that consisted of three mares and two women, chatting amicably in front of me. I paid them no mind as I concentrated on the brochure that I received earlier, asking myself who made the damned map in it. I had made reservations to the Water Inn, a hotel that was supposed to be designed to accommodate a lot of species, boasting human facilities such as Jacuzzis and a steam room and massage parlor, meat menus for griffins and humans – basically, all that jazz. Now, according to the brochure map, I should have passed the Water Inn already. I looked back. Nothing.

Ah, screw it, I thought as I put the brochure on my left jean pocket. I grabbed a shoulder strap from my backpack, hoping to extract the Tourist’s Guide to Equestria. Granted, I was going to look silly reading a book as thick as an almanac, but it was going to be better than getting lost.

“Excuse me!”

I looked up, blinking. The group in front of me stopped as they spotted three women dressed in bikini tops and flowing sarong skirts walking towards us. My eyes unconsciously wandered over their necks and shoulders, straying towards their legs and hips before I caught myself.

Should I be glad I still found women attractive?

The one that spoke was a mare from the group, a cute unicorn with a layered two-toned blue mane and tail. Her pale-mulberry coat gleamed with the sun, exposing the cord of muscles as her strong legs worked, giving attention to her flanks. Her cutie mark, two dolphins swimming in a circle, blended well with her fur. As she approached the bikini-clad women, my eyes lingered on her tail and rear. It took me even longer to realize it and looked down immediately, sighing.

It’s like I can’t win in this world.

“Hi, I was wondering if you knew where the Water Inn is?” the pony asked.

I blinked. They were also staying in the Water Inn? No wonder I was walking in the same direction as this group. I paused for a moment, straining my ears to listen. The woman advised that the hotel itself was about three blocks from here, even using her arms and hand as a visual guide. Satisfied, the mare slowly walked back to the group, though her rose-colored eyes focused on me for a moment, her expression curious. I took a moment before I gave her a polite smile, which she, in turn, returned before she joined her group. She spoke to them inaudibly, though judging by the way she pointed forward with her hoof, she was likely relating to them the directions the woman had given her.

Before they walked ahead, though, the unicorn gave me another look, gaining attention from her friends. Now, I had five pairs of eyes pointing in my direction. I froze in place, a little nervous being under the spotlight. One of the mares, a bluish-pink coated earth pony looked back at her mulberry-blue friend, nudged her, and the unicorn's companions laughed. One of the women, a blonde, raised her hand and motioned me to approach.

I think my eyebrow rose for a few seconds before I shuffled slowly towards their direction. I tried not to stutter in my steps. As I approached, I gave a polite smile. “Hello,” I greeted.

“Yes, hi, okay,” the blonde replied, placing her hands on her considerable waist. “Now, are you stalking us?”

My eyes widened for a second before I shook my head. “Uh, no. I was actually trying to find Water Inn.”

“Oh, you too, huh?” the blonde smiled. “Can’t find it in the brochure?”

I shook my head. “Nope. Whoever made the map clearly had no idea what Neighagra was like.”

“We were thinking the same thing. Alright, sorry about that, but a girl can never be too sure. I’m Tara, by the way.”

Ah, a name for the face. I offered my hand. She shook it. “W-Harry,” I corrected myself immediately. I reminded myself I was on medical-leave-slash-suspension. “Sorry if I seemed… stalker-ish to you guys.”

“It’s okay. Besides, even if you were, we got a unicorn, an earth pony and a pegasus that will kick your ass,” Tara declared with a chuckle. The other woman, one with rich chocolate skin and straight ebony black hair, approached, elbowing Tara.

“Tara, be nice.” The other girl faced me with a smile. She shook my hand as well. “Sorry about my girlfriend. Tara’s a little gung-ho. I’m Nadia.”

“Hey there,” greeted the floating pegasus with white coat and blue mane. “Lightning Bolt,” she introduced herself.

“Come on!” the blueish pink-coated earth pony declared, dragging the unicorn forward. The earth pony mare took a look at me, smiled, and said, “I’m Berry Punch. And this”—and with a heave, finally got the apprehensive mulberry-coated unicorn in front of me—“is Sea Swirl.”

Sea Swirl looked up at me, eyes shifting anxiously from side to side. She was trying to smile, but kept failing. “I’m… Sea Swirl,” she said softly. She offered her hoof. Automatically, I grabbed it, softly, gently, placing it over my lips and giving it a light peck before I realized what I was doing. The poor unicorn’s eyes widened, her expression carved in stone. The only thing that indicated life was the red hue that was blooming all over her face. I mentally swore. Goddamn Gentlemen training kicked in before I realized it.

“Well, that was quick,” Tara commented. Nadia elbowed the blonde while Lightning Bolt and Berry Punch patted the still-frozen unicorn, who was struggling to say something. The earth pony looked at me expectantly. Ah, crap. What do I do?

“Um…” Come on, Harry, think! “Did I… do something wrong?” Wow. Feigning ignorance. Yeah, that’s going to work out real well for you, Harry.

Berry Punch looked at me oddly, while Lightning Bolt chuckled. “Are you new here in Equestria?” the pegasus asked.

“I’m here on vacation, actually,” I replied truthfully. I prayed that my wording was good enough so no one would realize I didn’t really answer the pegasus’ question. No one did. The mares and the two women nodded. Safe.

“Well, while not improper, what you did was called ‘Noble Greeting’,” Berry Punch said. “It’s a very flattering type of greeting. You may want to avoid doing that if you want to have a more relaxing time here in Equestria. Unless you like mares. So, do you like mares?”

Before I could reply, Nadia interjected, “Come on, let’s talk while we walk. My feet are killing me.”

“Hey, mister, why don’t you join us?” Berry Punch asked.

“Yeah, since we’re going the same way anyway,” Lightning Bolt added.

I looked at Tara and Nadia, who both shrugged and said “Sure”. I looked at Sea Swirl, who was still in a daze. On Earth, a man would rarely get invited to join an all female group, especially when they just met, more so when that man ‘accidentally’ gave one of their friends a somewhat flirty kiss. However, in Equestria, those rules were a bit… inverted thanks to the high number of mares (compared to the stallions), and the fact that if I did anything to overstay my welcome, I’d have my buttocks handed to me faster than I could say uncle. So, Harry, be nice. That shouldn’t be too hard, right?

“Um, is that okay? I don’t want to intrude.”

“It’s fine,” Lightning Bolt declared, nudging me forward.

“Yeah. And tell us about yourself!” Berry Punch said. “Do you like mares?”

“Berry Punch!” Sea Swirl protested, rather meekly. Tara began laughing and slapped me hard on the back, making me stumble like an idiot. God, that girl packed a punch.

“We have a regular Don Juan here!” the blonde declared. I have no idea if I was supposed to feel proud or embarrassed. I may have gone for the middle-ground, laughing nervously and trying not to say anything stupid.

The trip was… fun. While the earth pony and pegasus were obviously teasing their unicorn friend (there was really nothing subtle about pushing Sea Swirl strongly enough to make her bump me), it didn’t bother me too much. Plus, it helped they were pretty talkative. While Berry Punch had a lot of questions, they were mostly… intimacy driven. Was it really important what kind of mare attracted me the most? Along with Lightning Bolt nudging the unicorn, I was really starting to feel sorry for Sea Swirl.

Tara was a rather interesting person. While it was her first time in Neighagra, it wasn’t her first time in Equestria. She was actually part of the expeditionary group that went to the Gryphon Kingdom more than a year ago.

While this was Nadia's first trip to Neighagra as well, she did considerably more reading about it. She even talked about a human-run bank that had computers. Granted, they weren’t connected to any network, but their processing procedures were faster than a lot of the Equestrian alternatives. They were even using solar panels to run the whole facility. Expensive.

Before we could discuss more, we took a turn at the third corner and immediately spotted the Water Inn. It was a rather large facility, with whitewashed walls and red brick corners. The hotel had a large area of green grass with small trees sporadically placed around it, giving it a warm and colorful organic aesthetic. The all-female group went on ahead, Tara and Nadia waving me goodbyes as they entered, leaving Berry Punch to trot towards the entrance while Lightning Bolt soared in. That left me alone with Sea Swirl, who looked unsure what to do.

“I, um,” Sea Swirl looked at the entrance, then back at me. “I’ll… just be going now.”

I gave her a nod. “Maybe we’ll see each other later?” She seemed to smile at that. Nodding back, she quickly went towards the entrance, leaving distinct clip-clop sounds in her wake.

For the moment, I kept still, sighing when she was gone. Why did I just say that? I wasn’t stupid. Sea Swirl was showing classic signs of being attracted to me. Was I encouraging her? Another part of me was telling me that I was a Gentleman, and my job was to please mares, something I’d had innumerable practice on that end. Was I taking advantage of her?

Before I could delve further into those thoughts, something hard slammed me in the back, grabbing and holding me in place. At the same time, a low, masculine and threatening voice viciously whispered into my ear, “You’re that human that slept with my mare, aren’t you!?”

Holy crap. I went stiff as a board as my heart was trying to jump out of my ribcage. I stayed silent for a moment, my mind running through a few thoughts until something clicked. The voice… it was familiar. A name popped in my head and with it, so did my elbow, hitting my assailant in the gut. I heard a slight ‘oof’ and a coughing sound, his grip loosening enough for me to turn.

“Tom, you asshole,” I muttered, facing a man a few inches taller than me. His hair was curly black with a small ponytail, skin tanned. He would have been described as someone with a smoother facial structure than mine, boyish really, with dark brown eyes that glittered every time he smiled.

Thomas was another Gentleman under Eve’s management. He wore a nicely cut brown suit, white shirt, brown pants and brown shoes. His look was not out of place in a party, an event, or even a date and he carried himself comfortably enough that he didn’t seem to look out of place in the more informal setting of Neighagra either. And he had that goofy smile on his face, which oddly mixed well enough with his expression of mock pain.

“Hey, come on, bro, is that how you greet your friends?” he asked, rubbing his stomach.

I inserted the key and turned the lock. At the click, I immediately entered my room with Thomas in tow. The first thing he did was dart towards the single-seat sofa at the foot of the bed, relaxing as if the room was his. “Yeah, make yourself at home,” I muttered with a roll of my eyes.

“Will do,” he replied, placing his hands on the back of his head.

I shook my head. Leaving him be, I let my eyes roam the room, noting that it was designed for humans. Yellow-orange walls gave the room a warm glow while the higher-than-usual roof (for ponies) gave it a less cramped look. The room design was completed by the grey carpet that covered the entire floor area. A human queen-sized bed was located at my left, with two bedside tables and lamps on both its sides, while on the other had a small closet with a full length mirror and the door that led to what I guessed was the bathroom. In front of me was a glass sliding door that led to a small balcony, and peering outside, it gave a nice view of one of the ten mini-falls in the area. I could see small figures either walking around or swimming in the dish.

God, it looked inviting. When was the last time I had a good swim?

“So, what are you doing here?” I asked Thomas as I walked towards the door, opening it. Yup, I was right; it did lead into a completely furnished bathroom with a shower stall big and comfortable enough for human use. I exited the bathroom, watching Thomas smoothing his jacket with his hand. “What, did Eve ask you to look out for me or something?” I asked as I approached, settling on the foot of the bed.

Thomas scoffed. “While that would be very much in character for her, no, she didn’t ask me to babysit your sorry ass.”

In character for her? What the hell did that mean?

“I’m here on a job,” Thomas continued. “Well, job starts later tonight, but I thought, ‘Why not enjoy the sights while I’m here?’. So, I went around, trying to find a good place to eat, and guess who I see strutting down the street, talking to five beings of the female variety?” His hand suddenly lashed out, slapping me hard on my back so strong the clap echoed in the room. He completely ignored my pained gasp and death glare. “Harry Larson, a.k.a. Wingman. Even when on suspension, he’s still a Gentleman.”

“Actually, it’s medical leave,” I corrected him.

“Toh-mah-toh, toh-may-toe,” Thomas declared. “Though seriously, medical leave? You don’t look sick. What happened?”

“Two or three boosters on my last job. My first. Had a bad reaction to it.”

Thomas cringed. “Okay, that explains it. Platinum Corona was probably just covering her ass. Ever Ring, she probably forced it on you to give you time to shake off any effects.”

“Honestly, the doctor said I was fine. But Eve insisted, so here I am.” I shrugged.

Thomas nodded. “Ah... yeah. She would.” He paused. Rubbing his elbow, he muttered, “Also, Harry... sorry I couldn’t take the last job. I know how you feel about customers in Heat.”

“It’s fine,” I replied. “She wasn’t the overbearing kind and it worked out in the end.”

“Glad to hear that. Oh, and you know what else I’ve heard?”

“What?” I asked.

“I heard that you solicited an Element of Harmony during your job in Ponyville. Nice job, man.”

“Wait, what?” I stood up straight. “How did I…? I didn’t solicit anypony. I just went there and did a job.”

Thomas raised an eyebrow. Not as impressive as my own, believe me. “There’s a letter that was flagged when received. It was from the Element of Generosity. She asked an appointment with a, um, what was that… ah, yes. Quote, ‘A nice, handsome young man with the name of Wingman. The darling generously gave me the opportunity to try out a concept growing in popularity’, unquote. Heck, if you weren’t on suspension, you’d have probably be given the job.”

My legs gave way, making me sit on the bed once more, suddenly feeling too weak to correct him as I found myself with a familiar image popping in my head. I only spent time with her twice, but if what Thomas said was accurate, I knew to whom he was referring. And my head suddenly felt light. “Oh God…” I muttered breathlessly. Rarity? The pure-white elegant unicorn that was doing my suits was the Element of Generosity? “Oh God, I swear I didn’t know.”

Thomas chuckled. “Not a lot of humans do. It’s like winning a damn lottery. Equestrian Laws cover some sort of public type secrecy in regards to the Elements of Harmony, allowing them to live peaceful lives. Princess Celestia herself was the one that wrote and applied the law, so every pony is going to follow it. And you, my friend, landed the biggest client in your career. You know, unless she chooses another Gentleman while waiting for your slow ass.”

“Was that the real reason why I was given medical leave?” I whispered, more to myself. “Did I break a rule or something when I advertised myself to an Element of Harmony?”

“Honestly, dude, if you broke a rule, you’d be told of it, and you’d probably get fired,” Thomas replied. When he saw me staring at him, he shrugged. “Rumor has it that one of Boss’ friends is an Element of Harmony. If that is true, you being given suspension—” I coughed, making him pause and roll his eyes “—ugh, fine, medical leave, it seems too tame of a punishment.”

It made sense. Actually, thinking about it, I reviewed any of the important Gentlemen Rules I could remember. There was nothing that indicated any type of action done in regards to the Elements of Harmony. Thomas was right. Medical Leave, Suspension… if this was indeed a punishment, it seemed a bit too mild. Still, something confused me. “How accurate was your quote?”

“Quite accurate,” Thomas answered with a shrug. “I saw the letter myself.”

“Request letters are quite confidential,” I countered. “Only three people are allowed to read it: A pony from the Receiving Department, the Handler of the Gentleman involved, and of course, the Gentleman.”

It was Thomas’ turn to sweat. He smiled at me nervously before he raised two hands in surrender. “Okay, okay, maybe I didn’t exactly read it. But as far as the quote goes, it’s as accurate as it can be.”

I looked at him. “Are you bribing someone from the Receiving Department?”

“No, I’m not—”

“Because if you are, I’m telling Eve or Platinum,” I finished. A somewhat vindictive pleasure rushed through me when I saw Thomas squirm a bit.

“I’m not bribing anyone there!” Thomas exclaimed. “And before you get into it, it’s not a security breach or something to that effect. Lime just thought that, since you were my friend, you were in trouble, okay?”

I think I stumbled into something. “Lime? Who is Lime? And why would she care if you were my friend?” I asked, noticing Thomas shifting once more, getting very uncomfortable. I didn’t let up. “Tom, who is Lime?”

Thomas sighed. “She’s… my marefriend, okay?”

I found myself utterly speechless. My eyes widened, my mouth agape. For a second my mind was trying to process the thought of Thomas, a friend I’d known since entering the Gentlemen, dating a mare.

“You don’t have to look so disbelieving, you know,” Thomas muttered with a grumble. “Granted, my choice of clientele may leave the impression that I”—I cut him off.

“That you’re a sex addict that only likes mares in heat, those that just want to immediately mount you?” I finished, earning a glare from him.

“I do not just take clients in heat,” he replied.

“Really?” I asked. I received a nod. “So, you being on the job now… it’s a client not in heat?” He only rolled his eyes, crossing his arms across his chest. It was my turn to nod. “Thought so.”

“Oh, for God’s sakes, it has nothing to do with Lime okay?” Thomas muttered, slapping his hands on his thighs. “We met, we talked, and we hit it off. The fact that she even warned me regarding your suspension means she cares.” I gave him a look. “Okay, medical reason. Whatever!” he amended.

“She really isn’t bothered by your job?” I asked. “Does she even know?”

Thomas gave me a deadpanned look. “No, she works in Gentlemen for Mares, receives request letters, so of course she doesn’t know I take clients,” he answered sarcastically, his eyes rolling. “Of course she knows. And she doesn’t particularly care.”

“Really? You’d think a girl would take issue of their boyfriend sleeping around other girls as a job.”

“You lived here for a good while,” Thomas pointed out. “You know they don’t exactly follow human cultural norms.”

“I know that, but they still follow a relationship pattern. Theirs is just polygamy,” I replied. “A stallion sleeping with another mare not of his herd, without even planning to invite her in, is looked down upon.”

“Only because he’s most likely leading her on,” Thomas countered.

“Not to mention the shame the mare will face when she gets pregnant without a herd,” I added.

“That too, but come on, that’s not the point. I’m not leading Lime on, and I doubt I’d be able to get her pregnant of all things. And we’re pretty happy. That’s what counts.”

I nodded. Couldn’t argue with that. Looking towards my right, out towards the balcony, I drank the view of the clear blue skies and the mini-fall. “A relationship, eh?” I sighed.

“Yeah,” Thomas whispered his reply.

“My last client…” I paused as my mind formed a beautiful earth pony with cherry-colored coat and two toned pink mane and tail. “I spent two days with her. She’s… well, let’s just say she had some confidence issues. I took her out somewhere nice. Spent the whole night... doing my job. In the end, she was literally begging me not to leave her.”

Thomas’ eyes looked studious for a moment before he relaxed at the backrest of the chair, his lips forming a small ‘o’. “First time customer, I take it.”

“Yeah.”

“And you put her down gently,” Thomas said, with his voice soft.

“It’s kind of fuzzy, but yeah…” I remembered my words. I spent the second day doing nothing but build Cheerilee’s confidence, only to use that to reject her. Remembering it now, clear-headed, created a gnawing feeling of shame. “I… don’t know if I did the right thing.”

“I know the feeling,” Thomas muttered. He gave a sigh. “Why do you think I like mares in heat? Once I come in, it’s ‘Wham Bang’, and ‘Thank you’, or not, once the Heat is over. They pay me for one thing, not really interested in anything else. It keeps things simple. You, on the other hand...” He trailed off.

“What?” I asked.

“You connect with your clients,” Thomas replied with a shrug. “Honestly, I can’t do that. I mean, I can take them out, dine them, wine them but you... you’re something else.”

I chuckled. “And yet you are the one with a marefriend.”

“Which is what really confuses the hell out of me!” Thomas exclaimed. “You’re more equipped than me, really. You had more practice on it.”

I shrugged. “Maybe.”

“Well, how about that blue unicorn that was shyly thinking of touching you everywhere with her hooves?”

“Hey!”

He ignored me. “She was cute. Talk to her. Get to know her better.”

“I don’t think I should,” I replied.

“What, she’s not your type?” Thomas asked. He stayed silent for a few moments before nodding. “Oh, I get it. You’re more into pegasi.”

“Where the hell… oh, Wingman, right? Very funny.”

Thomas chuckled. “You earned the name, bro. Be proud.”

“Oh shut up,” I replied, irritated.

“Okay, so earth ponies then?”

“No, it’s not that,” I began, but was immediately cut off.

“You’re going for Alicorns? Ballsy. Just know one of them is married, right?”

“No,” I began, adding, “and shut up and let me talk!” when I saw him open his mouth. He complied, much to my relief. “Look, Tom, never really thought about it, okay?”

Thomas stared at me as if I had grown another head. “What the hell do you mean you haven’t thought about it? About what exactly?”

“Relationships,” I muttered.

He was silent for a minute. And no, that wasn’t an expression. He was literally silent for a minute. In that span of time, it was probably one of the most uncomfortable moments in my life. His eyes shifted from left to right, his expression thoughtful and disbelieving at the same time. I was about to leave him to his thoughts when he whispered, “You haven’t thought about having relationships… with what, mares, or just in general?”

I unconsciously scratched the nape of my neck. “Mares, maybe? I don’t know,” I replied. “I guess… I’ve never really thought about it.”

“Okay… why the hell not?” Thomas asked. “The way you handle your clients, I’d have thought this would be something natural for you.”

“Clients are… clients. What I do is a job that I’m well-versed at, correct,” I replied, “but I’ve never really thought about something outside of the job. I mean, honestly, Tom, our job isn’t really a good indication of efficiency or even practice for relationships. We are only hired, most of the time, for a day. We do everything to sell our services, but at the end, we leave, and on to the next client. Relationships are more than just… that. Also, we’re talking about another species. A whole different ball game.”

“They seem quite similar to us, though,” Thomas countered. “Other than the fact they are naturally herbivores and walk on four legs, they are almost… human.”

I sighed again. This room was definitely feeling the brunt of my numerous sighs. “It’s... complicated.”

Thomas looked at me for a moment before he sighed. Great, I got him in on it too. “Okay, so far, all I am hearing from you are logical points in regards to why it might be difficult to have a relationship with a pony,” he began. “You may have said you haven’t thought about it, but you’re shelling out points that say otherwise.” I stayed silent. Thomas gave me a look before he shrugged. “Okay… I guess my question is: Are you willing to pursue a relationship with a pony?”

“I… don’t know,” I replied, truthfully.

“The first step is to try,” Thomas said. “Right now, you have a good opportunity. You’re on break, and you have a nice unicorn mare who’s got the hots for you.”

I shook my head. “I’m not going to use a mare I just met to satisfy a question regarding my views of having an inter-species relationship,” I said.

“Hell, Harry, I’m not asking you to frigging marry her! Just see if you’re actually okay in potentially starting one,” Thomas advised.

“I’m not so sure. With our training, Thomas, we’d literally have them eating out of the palm of our hands. It feels like I’m taking advantage of her,” I said. “Just earlier, I just gave that unicorn a Noble Greeting, something considered intimate to give nowadays,” I muttered. “I had the mare put on the spot because I automatically went through my training… our training.”

“So you have some problems disconnecting,” Thomas replied, shrugging. “It’s not that big of a deal. Mares kinda like the males taking a brave step or two. They find it sexy as hell. Or are you afraid of trying?”

“Are you done?” I asked, trying to cut the conversation short.

Thomas looked at me for a moment, then snorted. “Christ, no wonder she’s having difficulty getting through to you.”

The last part was said in a whisper, but I heard it clearly. “What the hell did you mean by that?” I demanded. “Who’s she?”

Thomas looked at me for a moment, before he shrugged. Immediately, he stood up. “Oh, look at the time. I have to check out some good place to eat before I meet my client. Need the stamina, you know, to rock her world.”

“Thomas—”

Before I could even say anything else, Thomas quickly moved towards the exit, saying, “Alright, I’m out! Just remember what I said, alright? You’ll do great!” and he left me alone, more confused than ever. I stared at the doorway for a few more seconds before lying down on the comfortable bed.

What the hell just happened?

I laid down there for minutes, his words echoing in my head. Someone was trying to get through to me? What did that mean? Also, the whole talk earlier was getting to me. I was already dreaming about my past, with all the colorful bits, and now I have to contend with ideas of relationships as well? It had me spinning as well. And a marefriend? Thomas had a marefriend? I mean, don’t get me wrong, I believe that love can bloom in strangest places. Lyra Heartstrings, who publicly declared her relationship with a human, was a definitive proof. Not to mention seeing a few other couples, mares and men, even a stallion and woman once, as well, but somehow it was always a... background. It never really hit me until a friend of mine showed his willingness to try, and asked me to do the same.

Could I? Shouldn’t it be easy, considering I was trained to please mares? Logically, it should, right? The biggest hurdle in a relationship a human would have to pass was to feel attraction to someone not of their species. Such a hurdle didn’t exist for me anymore, Five Stars thoroughly made sure of that. Yet, for some reason... I couldn’t.

Could I?

I sighed. I couldn’t think. My thoughts were jumbled. My mind felt numb. The only thing I could focus on was the scene out the balcony... the mini-fall, the swimming area, the light reflecting, sparkling on its watery surface with figures splashing around, all under the clear blue skies.

I sat up and looked towards my backpack, imagining myself grabbing my light blue swim trunks. Well, I wasn’t really getting anywhere, might as well take a dive, right?

The water was cool and comfortable. Submerged near the shallow end of the pool, I could hear the muffled sounds of laughter and splashes. The sunlight waved haphazardly, leaving the depths somewhat murky but bright enough for me to spot the legs of any pony, human, or zebra paddling towards the deeper end. I’d have stayed longer if it wasn’t for the fire that was now burning in my lungs. Resurfacing from the watery surface with a little fanfare, I took a deep breath, wiped the water droplets from my eyes and forehead. A few tentative steps later, I checked my surroundings and spotted a lot of foals, human kids, and even griffin children (hatchlings or cubs?) splashing water at each other. Most of the adults were contented with sitting on the sidelines, though I spotted a few griffins and even a few zebras under the mini-waterfall, sitting on their haunches, posed like monks back on Earth.

Walking a few more steps towards the end of the dish, I spotted Sea Swirl just… staring at me. I looked around and didn’t see any of her friends. Making my way to the edge, I spotted my white towel and was about to grab it when a light blue magical aura lifted it from its place. It floated gently towards me. I looked towards the mulberry-coated unicorn, her horn glowing gently even under the bright glare of the sun. I gave her a nod.

“Thanks,” I said. She approached as I began to wipe out the water from my body, ending with hanging up the towel around my shoulders. “Where are your friends?” I asked.

“They’re arranging reservations. You know, to drink later tonight,” Sea Swirl replied, her voice steadier than earlier. She looked much calmer, something I was happy to witness. “Like a bar or something. They’re looking for a place with decent Gryphon and Human alcohol.”

“That’s nice,” I replied. Sea Swirl just nodded. For a moment, we stood there awkwardly, the silence a bit uncomfortable. The unicorn herself looked a bit apprehensive, her calm demeanor slowly cracking. It wouldn’t have been far off to say that she looked like she had forgotten what to do next.

Are you afraid of trying?

Thomas’ words rang in my head, much to my annoyance. I had hoped they wouldn’t bother me for a while, especially since I literally dunked my head in water. But… I guess seeing this poor mare, literally speechless, in front of me had me thinking of my earlier conversation with him. I didn’t know the answer to anything Thomas had asked. However, what I did know was that I wasn’t letting a mare hang out to dry, especially since I could do something about it.

“Have you tried?” I asked.

Sea Swirl suddenly straightened, looking at me oddly. “Tried what?”

I motioned for her to follow. We began to walk towards one of the benches near the edge of the dish. “Alcohol,” I replied as we finally sat down.

“Um, well… I did have Hard Cider once, but Tara said it was pretty mild,” Sea Swirl replied.

“Oh yeah, it is,” I nodded. “Human alcohol tends to be a bit stronger. I don’t know about the Gryphon kind, never really had a try.”

Sea Swirl looked at me oddly. “They import Hard Cider to Earth?” she asked. It was my turn to look at her strangely.

“Um, maybe? Why do you ask?”

“I thought you said it was your first time here in Equestria.”

I shook my head. “It is my first time in Neighagra, but I stayed at Manehattan for a couple of weeks,” I lied. Ah crap, we were going to specific details. I hoped to God she wouldn’t ask anymore. Thankfully, she seemed satisfied with the answer.

“Oh, okay,” Sea Swirl replied. My eyes roamed around her shoulders and barrel, trying to gauge her. I was quite glad to see her relaxing once more. “So, um, how do you like it in Equestria?”

“Beautiful place,” I replied immediately. “And the ponies are also quite friendly. I’ve been enjoying my time here so far.”

“Oh, I’m glad you like it here,” she said with a smile, before it faded once more as we stayed silent. Again, the uncomfortable feeling crept up on us, with Sea Swirl looking around, somewhat desperately, while I began to use the towel to wipe off my already dry shoulders. Oh God, this was seriously awkward. My mind automatically tried to find words to extend or breach a new conversation.

Crap, this is what I would be doing to a client.

Ah, screw it.

“Hey, Sea Swirl,” I began, “how about you? Where do you live in Equestria?”

Her face shone with expression once more. “I actually live in Ponyville… well, most of the time.”

“Most of the time?”

Sea Swirl nodded. “I work there, but on the weekends, I travel, mostly towards Fillydelphia. The beaches between that city and Manehattan are awesome.”

“You love swimming then?” I asked.

“Swimming in the ocean, oh yes,” Sea Swirl replied, her head bouncing slightly as her hooves begin to work, expressing something deeper than her tone and voice could convey. “I mean, yeah, it’s nice to swim in fresh water once in a while… but the sea is so different. The smell, the saltiness... there’s even a small boating company there that would bring you to a small island in the east where you can see dolphins. That’s where I got my Cutie Mark, actually!”

“Nice,” I replied with a smile. “Do you swim with the dolphins there or something?”

“Yup! It’s fun, until some of them get, uh, weird.” I winced. Yeah, I think I know what she meant. “Also, I’ve been learning to surf as well,” Sea Swirl continued. “I’m getting better at standing on my hind legs longer, but it is still a ways to go.”

As she continued, I was once more reminded of the matriarchal nature of Equestria. Role reversal was a pretty common disconnecting theme for any first time visitors in Equestria. Mares dominated almost every aspect of Equestrian life, and if I have my history correct, while Princess Celestia has been promoting gender equality, it was only fifty or so years ago that any real change seemed evident. Even then, there were some things that would confuse humans, especially those of the Western Culture. For example, Sea Swirl was most likely telling me her stories as a means to impress me, trying her best to be entertaining. Usually, back on Earth, it was the other way around.

“Also, yeah, um,” she began, her eyes swiveling left and right. She paused and looked at me. “Am I… talking too much?”

I have to give her credit. She was really trying. And to my surprise, I was enjoying this. So, before I replied, I stuck out my tongue at her. “Yeah, but I don’t mind.”

“Oh, thank Celestia,” she said. “Actually, I wanted to ask you… um…”

“Yes?”

“Are you busy later? Tonight?” Sea Swirl asked. I raised my eyebrow, which immediately got her to pedal back, figuratively. “Oh, I’m sorry, did I do something wrong?”

“Uh, no, not really,” I replied. “I just want to be clear: are you asking me out?”

“I, uh…” Sea Swirl sighed. “Yes. I’m asking you out,” she declared.

“How about your friends?” I wondered.

“What do you mean?” Sea Swirl asked, with her head turning. It gave me an impression that she was suspicious and that I should watch what I was going to say next.

“You guys are vacationing together, right?” I clarified. “I don’t want to get between you girls.”

“Oh, um… okay. Good point. I guess I could ask them, if that’s okay,” Sea Swirl began, somewhat unsure.

“Yeah, I think that could be—”

I was cut off when Lightning Bolt suddenly spoke up behind me. “I think that’s cool.”

I rarely experienced the feeling of my bones wanting to jump out of my skin. This was one such. And seeing Sea Swirl’s eyes go comically wide, she wasn’t aware her friend was behind me either. Both of us turned to the newcomer, who was flying just a few inches above my head with a knowing smile.

“Lightning Bolt!” Sea Swirl squeaked. Yes, squeaked. It was a rather cute squeak.

“Nadia and I were looking all over for you,” Lightning Bolt started, then looked at me and winked. “I knew I should have just started looking for you, dude.”

“It was just a coincidence!” Sea Swirl countered, springing up from her position. “I saw him, and… it was just a coincidence!” she repeated.

“Sure, sure,” the pegasus friend replied, sounding very doubtful. “Hey, if you wanted some alone time with him, you could have just waited unt—”

“Let’s go!” Sea Swirl declared. Whatever Lightning Bolt was about to say was cut off when the unicorn’s horn glowed. A magic aura surrounded the winged pony and pulled her away with a hard yank.

“Oh come on, Sea Swirl, it was a joke!” Lightning Bolt muttered as she was pulled away, mid-air. When the unicorn was unresponsive, the pegasus looked at me. “Hey, I was being serious! We’re going to Crash after dinner! It’s a bar! You’re welcome to join us!”

My hand rose, stupidly suspended in mid-air for a few seconds before it finally decided to wave goodbye. My eyes were still locked on the retreating ponies, a unicorn who was looking decidedly much angrier than her compatriot, making my brain half-wonder if I should be laughing or should just stay stunned. What the hell just happened? Was I just asked out?

I went through the motions; returned to the hotel, dressed up, and ate dinner. After that, I think my brain finally realized at some point that I was woefully unprepared for Sea Swirl. Heck, maybe it was more accurate to say is I was not prepared to be asked on a date, at least outside of work. And worse, Thomas’ words were still echoing on the darker recesses of my mind, like some bad record that just wouldn’t shut up.

Maybe I was curious, or maybe I was being a damn idiot because before I knew it, I was in front of said bar. According to Tourist’s Guide to Equestria, Crash was considered the bar that defined Neighagra nightlife, without exaggeration. It started out as a small bar, initially built with a partnership between an earth pony and a human. It was slowly and steadily built up and expanded until it became the go-to place for everyone. Rumor had it, it also served the friendlier Diamond Dogs that lived near here, in peace with the ponies.

The front had ‘Crash’ written in tubes of bright neon lights of green, blue, red, and pink. It even had an image of a water wave. Honestly, the design of the club didn’t look much different from the ones you’d find back at home, east or west coast. Heck, if one didn’t know better, they’d think they were back on Earth. The design was very human, even though the lights weren’t powered by electricity.

I looked down at myself, wearing a pair of black loafers, a pair of clean new slacks, and a white shirt, courtesy of Miss Rarity, who just yesterday I thought was just a normal yet lovely unicorn. Looking up ahead, I could feel the thumping of bass vibrate out and cascading over my clothes and skin. I was no stranger to Pony bars and their music, which they affectionately called ‘wub’, but I still winced when I entered through the doors due to the volume.

The music only got louder as I entered. I made my way through a hall towards another set of doors. The vibrations in the air were getting more violent, pitches and tempos of a song now getting more and more apparent. Entering the doorway, I was greeted with an image of a mass of bodies, highlighted by colored lights that shifted between purple, blue and green in rhythm with the beat of the music, with flashing white lights that gave the illusion of time slowing in every second. There was a bar directly in front of me, past the open area where humans, ponies and zebras were bustling with movement, couches and seats lining and hugging the wall, with a few side bars served by either humans or unicorns.

I walked along the edges, away from the dancing crowd in the center, and made my way towards the main bar. Behind the counter were a few bartenders, humans and unicorns, mixing and swinging bottles around, putting them on trays. I tried to look around, see if I could spot any of the mares or women that I met earlier, but with the sporadic lighting, all I could really see was gyrating movements in slow-motion. I was on the verge of leaving when I noticed a familiar-looking earth pony coming towards the bar.

“Berry Punch?” I asked.

It was indeed Berry Punch. The mare looked towards me, blinked, then smiled. “About time. We’re ordering our second batch,” she shouted over the music. “Join us!”

After I decided on getting a vodka martini, shaken, and insisted on paying for it (Berry Punch offered to ‘hoof’ the bill), the earth pony guided me towards where they all sat down. It was an enclosure near the bar wall, the inside lit dimly by a light emanating from crystals placed randomly on the wood-and-glass enclosure walls. The entrance of the enclosure was actually strings of beads that draped down. Thanks to the lighting from the interior and the transparency of the drape, I could see Lightning Bolt, Nadia, Tara, and Sea Swirl already sipping on their glasses.

The first thing I noticed when we entered the private quarters was the drastic decrease in volume. I suspected the walls, or maybe the crystals themselves, were enchanted to allow guests to enjoy their conversations without fully drowning out the ambiance of the bar. The next was that the seats were actually one connected u-bench that was wide enough for ponies to sit on their haunches, and a table low enough as to not tower over them.

“Hey, guess who I brought with me?” Berry Punch announced.

Tara, Nadia, Sea Swirl and Lightning Bolt looked up. Seeing me, the unicorn gave a somewhat lopsided smile.

“Hey, you totally came!” Sea Swirl greeted.

“Yup. I did totally come,” I replied. That got Tara to giggle. I gave her a small nod. It seems someone knew her movies.

“Hey Harry,” the blonde said, giving me a smile in return.

“Hey guys,” I acknowledged the rest.

Lightning Bolt stood up from her position. “A little late, aren’t you?” Lightning Bolt asked, grinning as she guided me to my seat, then sat down beside me.

“Better late than never, right?” Berry Punch replied, laughing as she sat right beside Lightning Bolt. It finally hit me. The way they positioned me, it had me sit right beside Sea Swirl. They effectively boxed us in.

“Not very subtle, are you guys?” I asked.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Berry Punch declared. “More importantly, cheers!”

“Cheers!”

Glasses were raised. Clinks were heard. Four pair of eyes looked at my direction before looking at each other, giggling and smiles passed around as if congratulating themselves on a job well done, and finished whatever drinks they had.

“Sorry,” Sea Swirl whispered as she settled her own glass down. Her voice was low enough for only me to hear. I looked at her for a moment. She looked... well, there was a tinge of red on her cheeks with a bit of a swirling tone in her voice. There was something I couldn’t help but find adorable in her expression.

“No worries,” I said. I patted her in her shoulders, a gesture I knew was definitely just friendly... well, except for the pegasi. Shoulders tend to be an intimate contact point for them.

After a moment, the unicorn server came in with a tray of six drinks in various glasses. I recognized margaritas served to Nadia and Tara. Berry Punch got a glass full of what looked like red wine. Lightning Bolt got either a Blue Elephant or Alaskan Iced Tea. Sea Swirl... I blinked. Sea Swirl magically grabbed what looked like a glass of whiskey on the rocks. I grabbed my vodka martini and all of us clinked our glasses together.

“To strangers well met!” Nadia declared.

“Hear, hear!”

Maybe it was Equestrian culture, but drinking with mares was almost like drinking with the guys... except they, at times, hit on you. While Berry Punch and Lightning Bolt were not overly forward, the more drinks they had, the more they kept trying to lead Sea Swirl (who was getting redder and redder) and I together. Tara and Nadia were more alert, eyeing me at times, but slowly the alcohol began to loosen them up as well.

Berry Punch owned a vineyard and had a business of making sparkling grape juices. She planned to go to Earth and see if she could study our winemaking, and Tara had promised to help her out. Lightning Bolt was a weather mare that was assigned over Ponyville, but had plans to apply as one of the first weather pegasi on Earth. Apparently negotiations were taking place to hire out the pegasi and their weather-controlling abilities for some countries back at home. Nadia, I couldn’t read much as she got progressively more quiet the more she drank, but Tara talked enough for both of them. Apparently, she resided in Canterlot, and she was assigned to help her friend, some guy named Marco, staying in the Gryphon Kingdom.

“And he’s freaking pushy too! He’s doing some sort of... plan, to help the griffins out,” Tara muttered. “Honestly, he worries too much. He’s probably just being showy because he has that griffin girlfriend of his.” She downed another glass of margarita. “Hey, we need more drinks here!”

“I got it...” Berry Punch muttered, slowly rising from her position. Her legs looked a bit shaky, but she was still walking a straight line.

“Thanks!” Tara shouted, a few seconds after Berry Punch disappeared from view. Her rant continued, “I mean, seriously, what does he want with the Free Portal Act? All it does is—”

“Tara,” Nadia cut in. “Don’t talk details of work. It’s boring!” she declared with a slight slur on ‘boring’. “You’re boring us. Talk about something more fun!”

Tara looked at her, Lightning Bolt, Sea Swirl and me. “They don’t look bored,” she insisted. She looked at me. “Hey, Stalker-boy”—did she seriously call me that?—“Am I boring you?”

Before I could answer, Nadia replied, “Of course he’s going to say you aren’t! He’s nice man, a gentleman, really.” And exactly at the end of that sentence, I jumped as a loud slam boomed around me, complete with clinking sound of ice cubes swirling around glass. I looked at the offending item, a whiskey glass surrounded by a blue aura, and my eyes traveled immediately towards Sea Swirl, who was wearing a scarily angry expression.

“He’s not a Gentleman!” the unicorn shouted, practically silencing the table. “He’s not,” she repeated, more softly this time. “Don’t compare him to those human comfort horses!”

Lightning Bolt was first to recover. She waved her forelegs in a subduing fashion. “Whoa, wait a minute, Sea Swirl, hold on, Nadia didn’t mean it that way.”

Tara, who was sitting beside Sea Swirl, nodded, looking a bit more sober. “Yeah. Nads was just saying Harry’s nice. She really didn’t mean anything by it.”

Nadia was also nodding, frowning as she said, “I’m sorry, Sea Swirl.”

Sea Swirl, if possible, turned even redder. I thought she was getting angrier, but the way her expression seemed to deflate, her emotions were running in a different direction. “Okay... but he’s not!” she muttered weakly, before she looked at Tara. “I need to go to the mare’s room.”

“Yeah, sure,” Tara replied. The blonde looked at her companion. “Nads, scoot over, will ya?”

With the humans out of the way, Sea Swirl made her way towards the exit, without looking at me. Initially, she walked in a straight and calm manner, only to make a run for it as she exited through the draped beads. Exactly three seconds later, Berry Punch came in, looking mightily confused.

“Was that Sea Swirl?” the earth pony asked.

“My fault,” Nadia replied immediately. “I kinda accidentally called Harry here a ‘gentleman’.”

“Ah,” Berry Punch said, nodding with understanding. I didn’t.

“Okay, what the hell is going on?” I asked. I think my outburst surprised them. Understandable, as I was pretty much quiet the whole time they were drunkenly spilling out their guts. Hell, I wasn’t that buzzed yet, with my third glass of vodka martini, which was not even half-finished. But come on... what the hell just happened? I stared at everyone and everypony, who all looked at each other, probably contemplating how much to tell this total stranger they just met that morning. “What was that all about?” I finished.

“Well... Gentlemen are sort of human, um, escorts,” Nadia started, waiting for Tara to take her seat once more. Tara did while making a ‘psh’ sound with her lips.

“What Nads here means is that Gentlemen are manwhores.”

“Tara!” Nadia admonished, but the blonde continued.

“There’s a big shot company in Equestria that legally hires out human males as bed companions for mares. Funny, considering how escort stallions are illegal.”

Berry Punch grunted as she sat back in her original position. “Comfort horses are not, technically, illegal. But pressure was placed on the companies because of two things: one, the companies that hired them out were limiting the already short number of stallions, and two, the companies weren’t willing to submit to the new labor laws. As far as the Equestrian government is concerned, the human escort company... what was it called again?”

“Gentlemen for Mares or something,” Tara replied.

“Whatever. That company is paying their taxes and they are also following the revised labor laws. I wouldn’t be surprised if these Gentlemen were treated rather well. Better than most of the comfort horses too.”

I kept my mouth shut and neutered my expression.

“Wouldn’t mind hiring one now and then,” Lightning Bolt muttered, earning a disbelieving look from Nadia. The pegasus looked at her. “What? It’s not fair you humans get all the males.”

Berry Punch laughed. “Just don’t go showing off in front of Sea Swirl. She hates them. Gentlemen or comfort horses.”

“I got it, I got it,” Lightning Bolt muttered.

“Honestly, I do not get why you ponies are so much more open about having intimate relationships with another species,” Nadia muttered. “I mean, I like you girls and all, but it’s going to be a long while before I find you guys attractive.”

“It’s ‘cause you’re a prude,” Tara declared, earning an elbow from the annoyed-looking brunette. “It was a joke, a joke!”

Berry Punch giggled slightly. “It’s probably because we have more practice than you humans. We lived with griffins, zebras, dragons, and other species for thousands of years. We had a few mixed relationships over the course of our history. ”

“Granted, not a whole lot of them work out,” Lightning Bolt muttered. “But humans are... different.”

“How so?” Nadia asked.

“Well, your claws, or fingers as you guys call them, are blunt, soft, and warm. Lyra hit the nail right on the head when she said they were amazing. And also, how you humans smell,” Berry Punch replied.

Nadia frowned. “What, do we stink?”

Tara blinked before she chortled. Lightning Bolt chuckled as well, but she shook her head.

“Not at all. You guys smell really nice to us,” the pegasus answered. “And there’s also that whole ‘paying attention to the lady’ attitude. It’s... nice compared to what we usually have.” She gave me a smile, patting me gently on my arm with her hoof. That earned her a nudge from Berry Punch.

“Lightning, hands off the merchandise,” the earth pony muttered, chuckling nervously as she looked at me. “Hey, you’ve been quiet the whole time. Come on, tell us about yourself.”

I look at my glass, still more than half-full of drink. With a swig, I dumped the entire contents down my throat. After coughing a fit, I muttered, “Okay, but I need a new drink.”

Berry Punch perked up. “I can get it.”

“Thanks, but no,” I replied with a smile. “I’d rather get it myself. Um, scoot over please?”

Berry Punch and Lightning Bolt looked a bit disappointed, but moved out of the way. Walking towards the bead drapes, I heard Tara say, “Man, its like watching a bunch of jocks scare away the cute girl,” before I crossed over the magic field that kept the thrumming noise of the bass at bay. The club’s music now reverberated around me as I walked towards the bar, empty glass in hand. I noted that there were more dancers on the floor, with the music going slightly slower than earlier.

Sea Swirl stood in a section of the main bar, in front of a bartender. She was magically lifting a half-empty glass of whiskey. From this angle, I thought she had quite a distant look on her face. Heck, she didn’t even spot me when I stopped right beside her.

“Whatcha need?” the bartender asked.

“Another vodka martini,” I replied. I placed the empty glass on the table. “I’ll go for stirred this time.”

“Very good, then,” the bartender said, taking my glass. He grabbed a new one, readied the bottles, and began to work.

I stole a glance at Sea Swirl. She had been eyeing me, but quickly turned her head. For a moment, we stood there, as silently as we could in a bar full of techno music. I watched her nervously tip her glass magically to her mouth and begin to swallow big gulps of the alcohol somewhat impressively. It wasn’t until the bartender served me my drink did she finally speak.

“Are they calling me back?” Sea Swirl asked. She still didn’t look at me directly. When I shook my head, she sighed. “I’m... sorry for, um, storming out like that.”

“Its okay,” I replied and took a sip from my drink. “They explained.”

Sea Swirl’s head turned so fast I thought she snapped her neck. Her eyes widened, mouth opened for a second before her expression turned even more depressing. “Th-they did?” she asked, almost inaudible with the music in the bar.

“They just said you hated Gentlemen,” I clarified. “Nothing more.”

“Oh...” and Sea Swirl sighed.

I looked at her for a moment. I felt somewhat... sorry for her. I might not fully know the answer in regards to my views of relationships with a mare, but what I did know was that I couldn’t stand seeing a down mare. Blame it on staying two years in Equestria, being a Gentleman for customers who were, in more ways than one, just lonely ponies looking for companionship. Or maybe it was just me, something I hadn’t fully understood consciously. All I knew was that I just wanted to cheer her up.

“Not something you’d like to talk about, I’m guessing,” I asked, taking a sip from my glass.

Sea Swirl looked at me for the moment, probably gauging me before she chuckled. “Yup. I am not drunk enough to explore that troll cavern.”

I laughed, more on the expression rather than statement. “Troll cavern?”

“Nasty things,” Sea Swirl replied.

“I’ll take your word for it,” I said. “Though I’m curious... how drunk would you have to be to explore that?”

“Honestly, drunk enough to forget there was a cave in the first place,” Sea Swirl muttered as she took a sip from her glass before she lifted the glass away, her cheeks flushing red as she let out a whoosh of air from her lips. “Wooh, Celestia. You weren’t kidding when you said your stuff was stronger.”

I nodded, taking a sip of my own drink. “We got plenty more where that came from. Different whiskeys, then you get to tequilas, cocktails, mixes, beer, wine, etcetera and etcetera.”

“You humans amaze me,” Sea Swirl muttered, taking another swig. She probably swallowed a wee bit more than she could handle because she coughed a bit afterwards. “You have so many cool things.”

“Yeah, well, we’re good like that,” I replied with a slight smirk. “I think magic is awesome though.”

“Really? I’m not talented at it,” Sea Swirl began, taking another sip, finishing her glass. She looked at the bartender. “Another!” she shouted before looking back at me. “My talent is to swirl water and play with dolphins.”

“Well, that’s really more than what I can do,” I said. “Though I can do something no pony can.”

She smiled. “Really? And what’s that?”

“I can snap my fingers,” I said, earning a disbelieved look from Sea Swirl. For better effect, I actually snapped my fingers in front of her, smiling as widely as I could. “Bet you can’t do that.”

A snort came out of Sea Swirl’s nose, a cute one, really, before it turned to full blown laughter. “You are nice,” she muttered, taking hold of the newly prepared glass and drinking once more. “You are really nice.”

“I try,” I replied, finishing my own drink. I signaled the barman for another. The martini was really good.

Sea Swirl went silent again. Her eyes trained mostly on her glass. There was a slightly different feel to it than the awkward silence we had earlier. For one, the unicorn looked contemplative, as if trying to form the words in her head. It gave me time to wait out the barman, who served my drink just before she spoke up again. “Um… can I ask you something?”

“You just did.”

Sea Swirl blinked. Maybe the alcohol was slowing her thoughts because it took her a good second or two before she replied, “Oh, haha. No, I’m serious.”

“Go ahead,” I said.

“Um… well… how do you feel about ponies?” Sea Swirl asked.

I swallowed another mouthful of vodka. “What do you mean by that?” I replied.

“Well, I mean, um…” Sea Swirl paused for a moment, staring at her glass. She suddenly drank the still-sizable amount completely, making her cough hard, repeatedly. When it lasted for more than three seconds, I signaled the barman.

“Hey, can you get me some water?” I asked. The barman nodded. I knelt down towards Sea Swirl, patting both sides of her barrel gently. “Hey,” I began gently, “you okay?”

Sea Swirl coughed once more before she gave me a nod. She stared at me for a moment, her cheeks flushed, almost glowing, before she placed a kiss on my cheek. I smelled the alcohol in her breath, the slightly salty aquatic scent of her coat; I felt the prickly hairs of her cheek rubbing slightly against mine, her wet lips warm on contact with my skin. I blinked as the kiss retreated quickly as it came. Sea Swirl retreated back, her eyes wide with fear and apprehension and a little bit of disbelief, as if she just realized what she just did.

“I… oh Celestia, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to… oh no, why did I… oh Celestia, I’m really sorry about that! I didn’t mean to…!” The unicorn was about to retreat. I could see her hind legs shuffling while her front legs teetered from side to side. My hand moved automatically and cupped her cheeks.

“Hush,” I said simply. I let my fingers slowly relax, letting them move gently through her cheeks. “Sea Swirl… was that the question you couldn’t ask?” All she did was nod. I nodded back. “I don’t mind,” I said.

“You… don’t?” Sea Swirl asked, surprised. I looked at her, my eyes wandering over her soft-blue coat, two-toned blue mane, and rose-colored eyes, all mashing in one appealing feature. Her shoulders were broad, her legs were strong. I couldn’t see her flanks and rear from where I was, but at this point, I was falling back to my training, my mind buzzed with enough alcohol to squash almost any lingering doubt.

“Do you want me?” I inquired.

“Yes… if you don’t mind.”

“I don’t.” And our lips met. I parted hers to let my tongue enter, enjoying the strong taste of whiskey that lingered in her mouth as it lashed against hers. My hands roamed around her neck, one going down to rub her shoulders, the other upwards towards her ear, fingers slowly teasing the base of her horn. Sea Swirl sloppily responded back. She was either too inebriated to respond properly or in a current state of disbelief. I didn’t blame her. I, the supposedly vacationing human, was leading the way in this dance of tongues.

When we separated, I could see her face flushed so bad that her face almost glowed. Actually… she was glowing. Her horn was steadily getting brighter.

“Want to, um, go back to Water Inn?” Sea Swirl muttered, words slurring slightly.

“Your room or mine?” I asked.

“Yours. I want you for myself,” the unicorn replied.

The trip back had a lot of stumbling, on both our parts, but I was pretty sure Sea Swirl took the cake. Slamming into a tree was definitely an indicator. Heck, I had to stop her and ask if she wanted to rain check, but she adamantly refused. By the time we reached my room, she was already haphazardly using her magic to try and lift me to bed. She missed and hit a desk lamp instead.

“Stop moving,” Sea Swirl giggled.

“Patience,” I muttered as I kneeled down and kissed her neck. I felt her moan and purr as I began to unbutton my shirt. Sloppily, I let my tongue wander, enjoying the slightly tangy salty flavor of her coat. By the time I got my pants loose enough, I was kissing the base of her horn.

“Oh, Celestia, you’re good at this,” Sea Swirl muttered, enjoying the ministrations I was giving. Her body shivered at my touches, and I could feel her quaking all over. My lips slowly climbed higher, letting my tongue touch her increasingly brightening horn as she held her breath. I left ghosts of fluttering kisses. By the time I reached the top, she was ready to collapse on all fours.

We slowly made our way to the bed. I helped Sea Swirl remove her horseshoes and we clambered up the bed. She immediately pinned me down. The mattress was soft, yet solid at the same time. And the mare on top of me was even softer, warmer, her hooves feeling wonderful on my chest. Her lips met mine once before she turned and showed me her marehood.

“Lick me.”

My hands and fingers gingerly moved over her lower lips, fingers exposing her pink folds. Sitting up slightly, I slowly, teasingly, began to lick her.

“Ooh…” Sea Swirl moaned. I felt her hooves go over my boxers, her breath warm through the cotton. Her hooves succeeded in removing my underwear, exposing my erection for her tongue to lovingly encircle and jerk. We stayed like that for a few minutes, enjoying ourselves with each other. Her lips moistened and I could feel a few dribbles at the side of my lips while Sea Swirl was now using both her hooves and mouth to please me.

Coincidentally, while humans called this position sixty-nine, the ponies called it the ‘swirl’. I guess our unicorn’s talent was not just for waters and dolphins, eh?

Still, as skilled as she was at this, I had more practice. By the end, she was moaning more and more. I did not mind. I kept my rhythm, feeling more and more satisfied as her whimpers and mutterings were getting louder and louder.

“Oh, Celestia, I’m so close,” she muttered, slurred and slowly getting out of it. With that, I slowly moved my hands towards her teats, my fingers gently, in circles, squeezed them. Her body began to shake, legs quaking as my tongue found her clitoris. My fingers, my tongue… they were too much for her. With a final moan, she went rigid as her lips began to wink at me, slowly spurting out a few fluids. I didn’t let up. I continued to lick, earning more sprays of her orgasm before she finally collapsed on top of me, her coat prickling over my sensitive member.

I expected her to move. I expected her to pant, look at me. Heck, I expected her to use her position to tease me, licking me. Instead, what I got was an unmistakable soft sound of snoring.

“Sea Swirl?” I asked. No response. I shook her hips. “Sea Swirl!”

More snoring. Oh, you have got to be kidding me. I tried to sit up as much as I could, trying to check, and sure enough, Sea Swirl’s head was down, her barrel barely expanding with each breath. Luckily enough, she collapsed in a way that didn’t impede my breathing, but as hard as I tried, I couldn’t move her off of me. After my third time, I just gave up, and accepted the fact I just earned myself a warm, fuzzy blanket. I sighed.

“Well… at least the view is nice,” I whispered, mostly to myself. Amazingly, as if in response, Sea Swirl’s tail swished and slapped me across my face.

Great. I’m still erect, and a cute pony is on top of me, sleeping. Here’s to hoping Thomas never hears of this.

Author's Notes:

Here we go.

This arc is a two parter once more which I'll get to continue once my next FH chapter is done. Thanks to shira, coandco, murphy, grey_conscience for their help, to Starman for giving it a look, and to Typewriterpony for assistance and allowing me to use some of the elements of his story.

And again, sorry for the shortage of the more cloppy material. Next chapter will most likely have more.

Enjoy people.

EDIT: Realized that Tara was blonde, not a redhead. Corrected that.