“ARE YOU SURE THIS IS SAFE?!” I shouted to my ‘girlfriend’.

“Are you kidding?  Don’t wuss out now!  We’re almost at the top!” shouted the incredibly attractive woman, in climbing gear, that was twenty feet higher up than I am.

We were in the Grand Canyon, yeah some place to mountain climb, right?  Well we were trying to mountain climb our way out after we got lost along one of its rivers.  It was supposed to be a romantic getaway.  

She’s always been the most active one in our relationship.  I always opted to get my lazy ass away from the computer, to go bike riding or something like that.  At first it annoyed me, but after a while I began to think she may be just what I needed to get me to be active again.  It might actually do me some good, so when we went on dates it was always at a restaurant…then a bike ride  home…I love-hated our time together.

However, my sadistic girlfriend decided she should make me climb up the fossil-covered cliff face of a below sea level canyon.  It was grueling considering I’ve only done this a few times in my life.  The only real experience with rock climbing I had was with a rock climbing wall in a mall, when I was a kid.

Only problem was I never made it passed the half-way point, before I started crying and asked to get down.

Ten years later I’m just as scared, but with no tears this time.

“I TOLD YOU!  I DON’T LIKE WALL CLIMBING!”

“MAN UP!”

“NO!”

I tried to catch up and follow her exact path, before she got too far ahead of me to not remember where she went.  She was zig-zagging up the cliff face, and putting her hands in places my bulkier hands would never fit.  

“ARE YOU SURE WE’RE RIGHT BELOW THE PARKING LOT?”

“SHUT UP AND CLIMB!”

That meant no.

I was a good twenty feet above the sixty degree incline that we had to hike up to get here.  There were a lot of loose rocks that were in both our paths.  Some she actually pulled out, to ‘throw at me’ so she could get a better grip.  I however was a dumb ass, and found them good to use to stand on for a while until I grabbed another rock.

I was catching up to her, and found my own path that looked easier.  I questioned why she went left instead of right, but I didn’t question for long as I went that way.  I noticed this part seemed a little redder than the other rocks as well, but I pushed that to the side of my ‘shit to do’ list since my current objective is getting over the rock.

My girlfriend looked down to see my progress, and she got a worried expression.

“Careful, those rocks are a bit loose.”

“What do you mean?”  I said putting my hand on a loose rock, and inavertly creating a miniature land slide, which pulled me off the cliff face with it.

“ANDREW!”

“AW, FUCK!”  I shouted, as I realized I wasn’t gripping any solid surface.

I landed on an angle from the inclined plain of a slope and started rolling head over heels down the mountain slide.  I kept on tumbling, until I landed on a an outcropping of a rock.

“AW, GOD DAMMIT!”

I landed hard.  VERY hard.  I felt paralyzed for a moment, before I realized I may have broken a rib.

“ANDREW, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?!”

“YEAH! YEAH, JUST…CALL SOMEONE!  I’LL JUST, REST OR SOMETHING!”

“OK ,YOU SURE YOU’RE NOT TOO HURT!”

“I CAN’T MOVE, BUT I’M OK!”

“I’LL CALL THE POLICE!”

I watched as she pulled a cell phone out of those tight buns of hers.  As in her back pocket.  I watched her type some numbers in the phone, before I realized my vision was getting blurry and I felt several pricks in my back.

I reached behind me to find a small den, that was under the outcropping rock.  Then I felt another bite on my arm, and I lifted it in pain.  I feared what I saw when my arm came up with a rattlesnake latched onto my wrist.  I tried to pull it off with, success and threw it away.

Now I was panicking and I realized that pain in my side may be other bites.  And if my knowledge of rattlesnakes was good, then that means I’m fucked if I’ve been bitten multiple times by a pissed off snake.

I heard the rattling of at least two other snakes below me, and I felt something slithering below my back.  I was pretty sure that I’ve landed on another snake and hopefully I killed it or mortally wounded it because I didn’t want to deal with yet another snake bite.

Then the inevitable… I was bitten AGAIN!  By the wounded snake under me.  I got me in the back of my neck, and I quickly found my vision spinning and my eyes got extremely sensitive.

Then, my vision blackened.

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The world around me faded back into view very slowly.

At first, it was a few bright colors, and then it was minor details.  I could feel my left eye, or what I thought was my left eye, and somehow my vision zoomed in.  I couldn’t feel my right eye, but my left side of my face seems to have another eye.  I knew this couldn’t be normal, but the problem was it felt normal.  As if my body was built like it.

Then my vision cleared, and I was able to see my surroundings.  I also had more motor function, which to say, was very little motor function.  I tried to move my arms, to realize I didn’t have any.  The first thing that came to mind was. ‘Is this a dream?’ But that was set aside as no since it felt so real.

I started to get worried, and I stopped moving to get a hold of myself before I start panicking.  I took a quick assessment of everything I felt.  My body shocked me with its weird new design, I knew I wasn’t missing limbs from a fall, or I’m just wounded in some way because I gained matter that I didn’t have before.  I also noticed my body was in the shape of some oval.  

I even felt heavier.  Once I took the quick assessment of my body, the question remained…‘WHAT AM I?!’.  I could feel some sort of ceramic fabric around my body, except for my face.  There seemed to be a muzzle of some sort on my mouth.  I couldn’t tell what I was yet, but I tried to move around and found that I wasn’t a giant bean.  I had muscles, so I could turn my head left and right and move my eyes around.

Now that I know what I am, or what I think I am, I can focus on my surroundings.

Getting a better look at my surroundings, I found myself in a very dark forest.  My visor, or what I think is a visor, was covered in green grass.  I tried to pick myself up in some way, and surprisingly by my will alone I started floating.

‘What the fuck?  I can fly? Umm… I’ll take it.’

I zoomed out, so I can see more of my surroundings, but also felt I needed to draw a mental map of my current area.  I maneuvered my large body so I would be facing the other direction to come face to face with another creature.  I looked at the being, and began mentally panicking.

‘THIS IS NOT EARTH!’

What I saw before me was a lion with bat wings and a scorpion tail.  If I wasn’t panicking at first, I panicked now.  I knew I wasn’t on Earth any more.  In my haste, I soared above the tree canopy and began flying in a random direction.  I stopped after I went roughly a half mile from my starting position.  By this point I had calmed down a bit, and I could now think straight rather than run away from the situation.  I tried to get my bearings by looking at my surroundings.

From above, I spotted a small clearing in the forest and I descended to find a small pond.  What I found wasn’t actually a clearing, but a small lake with still water.  The moon reflected off of it as if it were a mirror, and I thought I could see my image if I wanted.  I looked into the water's reflective surface.

I was shocked at what I saw.  I’m an Advisor.  An Advisor from the game 'Half Life 2' to be exact.  I was a creature that controlled armies, and could float with my mental abilities alone.  I remember them having the ability to slam their tongues into a creature's skull, and rip apart their brain.  Not only that, but they also had the ability to assault a creature's mind directly.  I don’t know if it was a possibly fatal ability, but I know it’s effective enough to incapacitate something.

I pondered my existence for a minute, before I quickly accepted my fate.  

‘Ok being an Advisor isn’t that bad.  I can fly, I can lift roofs, I can pick people and animals up that might want to hurt me, I can also bash skulls in with my tongue… you know?  Maybe this isn’t as bad as it seems.  Hopefully I’m the most powerful thing here and I’ll be able to get used to this new life without much difficulty.'

I quickly left the pond, and ascended into the skies trying to avoid anything on the ground for now.  I stopped to think for a moment.  

‘Wait does this mean that I don’t have to eat?  Or do I?... I guess I’ll know when I’m hungry.  Oh wait, Jenny!  FUCK!  I don’t have a girlfriend, well I think I do, but I doubt she’d go for an Advisor.  Not like she’ll know what one looks like.  Oh man, this is some really fucked up shit.’

I continued flying for what felt like hours in the night sky, until I saw some lights in the distance.  

‘YES, CIVILIZATION!  Wait… what if they fear Advisors.  Or worse they’ve fought the Combine before?  Nah, those guys were fiction, not real.  Though I’ll be safe and keep some distance for a while, just in case.’

I flew over to the town and observed from afar.  I could tell all was silent, by the significant lack of white noise and lights.  At this point, I figured everyone was inside so I could safely enter the village without any uproar.

Once inside the village, I looked around.  Even in my new form that was bigger than a human I could easily figure out the proportions that these buildings have, and quickly figured out they were too small to be regular human villages.  I floated slowly around the village and found nothing of interest.  I noticed the sky getting brighter and the moon was now on the horizon.

Dawn was coming.

I moved to the edge of the town, to avoid any early risers.  From the tree line I watched the small village come to life.  What I saw before me awed me, as I saw mini horses coming out of the houses.

‘Well…I guess I’m not in Kansas anymore.’