Coping With Loss
by Emeral Frost
First published
Princess Celestia copes with the loss of somepony, and a certain mare is there to share the sorrow.
Coping with loss is never easy. Princess Celestia has recently lost somepony very close, but she is not alone. All of Equestria mourns, but the closest to her now, is her Faithful Student, Twilight Sparkle. Together, they must push through the dark time.
Chapter 1: Loss
She’s gone. I cannot believe it... Thought Celestia. She was laying upon her bed, head in her plush, white pillow. Her sobbing drowned out the mixture of noises coming from the opened window and from outside her chamber walls. She’s gone because of I. Because I was too much of an ignorant fool to understand what she was going through. The bringer of the Sun quivered.
Her eyes sore from crying, her body ached from the position of which she was in, and her mind heavy, as if somepony had forced a dark ultimatum onto her, from which she could not escape. For hours, she lay sobbing and wallowing in her distress. Her door slowly crept inward, the noises of the bustling ponies grew as it continued to open, drowning out the creak of the old, yet beautifully crafted wooden door.
Standing in the doorway was a purple mare whom had the Cutie Mark that resembled Magic and a stripe in her mane and tail. She too was crying a steady stream of tears.
“P-Princess?” Twilight Sparkle said in between sobs.
The goddess did not look up--she continued to sob uncontrollably. Twilight wasn’t crying because of what happened, no, she was crying because Celestia, her mentor, was crying. She hated to see one she loved in the state she was in. This was the first she had seen the goddess in such a state.
Twilight slowly made her way over to the bed, head down and crying all the while. She slowly crawled in and, without thinking or giving the slightest care of what she was attempting and doing, hugged Celestia with as much love and compassion she could muster. The bringer of the Sun turned around slowly and in an almost glazed and thoughtless way, began to hug back, crying into Twilight’s shoulder. The purple mare hugged her tightly, wanting to comfort the white Alicorn in any way possible, and nuzzled into her neck weeping with the force of the Sun itself.
They both laid there, sobbing and not ever wanting to leave the warmth they brought each other. Soon after, they both fell into a troubled and light sleep that held, in the darkness, sorrowful and heart wrenching sadness that would crush any happy or content feeling it its wake.
--- --- --- --~(___()___)~-- --- --- ---
In the morning, Canterlot was a sorrowful place to be. Celestia had risen the Sun earlier that morning, but had instructed Twilight to help, for the poor Princess could barely force herself out of bed with the mind bending darkness that had began to consume her, both mentally, and physically. They both knew that there was nought a thing they could do--Celestia knew their was nought a way to get her beloved sister back--and Twilight knew that her teacher and leader would never be the same again. Twilight had not known Princess Luna closely as Celestia had, but she knew her all the same.
She knew all of Equestria would be affected for many years to come--that is, if Equestria was to ever get over the loss of a leader. Only the slow process of never ending time would tell the sad tail.
Both mares returned to Celestia’s chambers and sat--not facing each other--not willing to. Celestia never fully stopped crying, a steady stream constant from her weak and tired eyes. The Element of Magic was always on the verge--she had been looking out the window ever since they had gotten back, trying to subdue the sadness that was slowly destroying every fiber of her being.
“Why...” Celestia said, a quiver in her voice.
Twilight turned to face her, a great strain on her face, seeming to force back the tears, and said slowly, “It--It was not your f-fault, Princess.”
The Goddess shoved her face into her hooves and began to uncontrollably sob once again. Twilight averted her eyes, she could bare the sight no more. Celestia gripped the bed sheets with her hooves and buried her face into the bed.
“Of course it is...” The Princess began. “... I am the one that banished her... I am the one to blame--this is all my fault, Twilight...” She looked over at her, her eyes blood shot and red. “I ended my sisters life...”
Twilight broke out into sobs and once again got up to council the poor mare. She held her in her fore-arms and, in a soothing tone, yet still had a hit of sadness that could not be controlled, she told her, “Y-You may have banished her, but--it was for a good reason. You were not the one that killed her, it was by her own hoof that she did that...” She choked on the words, too sad to continue them, and laid next to her.
--- --- --- --~(___()___)~-- --- --- ---
“Princess Celestia...” A guard had entered her chambers, whose door had been hung loosely open, the two to full of sorrow to care. The guard stopped a few feet inside as he saw the two huddled together, asleep. He bent his head down a bit and glanced around, thinking. He drew himself up and said with a stern, but loosely sorrowed voice, “Princess Celestia--the plans have been made for the burial.”
He winced at the word and cringed as he saw the Goddess stir with an unworthy fashion for a Princess. She drew herself up tiredly and trembling to look glazed at the Guard. She almost looked relieved, but it was destroyed by her hopelessness.
“Thank you...” she trailed off, and shook her head soon after the words escaped her. “When is it?” she ended.
“In t-two days, Princess.” he answered, letting the dark sorrow penetrate his voice.
The Holder of the Sun smiled weakly and reassuringly told him, “please, come in, you may speak freely.”
The smile faded as soon as it was seen by all in the room.
The guard slumped, relieved, and slowly, cautiously, walked deeper into the round-walled room. He instantly took advantage of his new privilege.
“I am very sorry of what happened, all of Equestria are mourning your loss.”
His head lowered as pent up sadness forced its way up and crashed down upon him. He made his way to the side of the bed and looked up with glistening eyes at the Princess.
“We all miss her.”
--- --- --- --~(___()___)~-- --- --- ---
Chapter 2: Realization
Darkness. All encompassing, darkness. Celestia was drowning in it with no hope of escape. The only thing she had to cling to, was Twilight, who was suffering just as much. But together, they brought light to that darkness.
It was now morning in the once bustling place of Canterlot, but with the death of Princess Luna, nopony was in a very cheery mood. The aspect of a leader, more even, leaving and not returning rendered everypony in the whole of Equestria forced deep inside of themselves with little escape. The last remaining Goddess and her Faithful Student, Twilight Sparkle, had gotten up as best they could and rose the Sun together, then painfully faced their duties.
Twilight was there more to support her teacher, but also because she, of course, had known Princess Luna well. She may have not known her as well as Princess Celestia, but to see her die was like being stabbed with a dagger that only twisted inside the wound. They had reluctantly agreed to oversee how the burial plans were going. Princess Luna was to be buried at the center of the Grand Hedge Maze, a place where she often went for a time if quiet.
To Twilight’s surprise, Celestia had no reluctance or sadness in seeing where Luna, her little sister, was to be buried.
“Are--Are you sure you want to do this, Princess?” Twilight asked as they made their way into the maze.
The workers had cleared a path straight to the middle to get the statue into place and Luna to her resting place.
“Yes...” The Goddess sighed and continued in a firm and meaningful tone. “Yes--I am. Sadness has no place in this matter, Twilight. It is still there, in you even, but for this, there will be none.”
Twilight simply nodded, pushing all emotion back as best as she could, and followed the majestic Alicorn.
--- --- --- --~(___()___)~-- --- --- ---
They had entered the middle. It was a wide open, rounded, space. In the direct center, from what the two had seen, had been placed a rather large statue, depicting Princess Luna, laying down, gazing up at the sky with a peaceful smile on her lips. The sight bittersweet, for it gave them both calmness and a touch of happiness at the smile, but also made the realization of her never returning more true with every passing second.
Engraved into the base of the statue was a quote from Princess Luna herself. It read:
“It has been one thousand years since I set hoof in the land of Equestria. So much has changed--for the better I feel. I never blamed my big sister for what happened, but never got the chance to thank her either. Why thank her? Well, it cleared my mind of all and I found things within myself that I had never seen, and for that, I truly thank you big sister.”
Twilight read along with Celestia. She did not quite understand the ending of the first paragraph, but saw that Celestia had a sorrowful smile of understanding with tears streaking her face, not able to be pushed back anymore.
“I watched over Equestria from the moon more than once. What I was able to see, even if it was not much, flashes of images of Canterlot and other places, was a quickly growing nation still with no use for the night. I learned while so far away, that taking things out on others for things you yourself cannot stop just ends up hurting yourself and your loved ones. I let my jealousy and unguided anger take control, and what I did with it, I am not proud.
So many years waisted because I was a small foul not willing to let the true nature of things, things that were and could not be stopped, take place as it should have been. Big sister, if you ever find this, just know that I am sorry. Know that I thank you as well, for stopping what could have become. And thank you as well, Twilight Sparkle and the others, for showing me the light of my mistakes and making me the mare I am today.”
Princess Celestia’s smile turned into a smile of content happiness once she was done reading the quote. She turned to face Twilight and sighed.
“Let us go, there is much needed to be done.”
Twilight nodded and turned to leave. Celestia glanced back at the statue one last time before departing. As she turned, she saw, engraved into the ground, the face of the moon. Tears welled up in her eyes as she looked to a pony whom had helped with the plans.
“Thank you.” Celestia said to her as she looked back to the marks in the ground.
The mare looked at her wide-eyed for a moment, startled, and nodded slowly, understanding.
--- --- --- --~(___()___)~-- --- --- ---
They slowly made their way back to the the castle, trying to calm the nerves by looking at the scenery, but soon found it only reminded them of all the things that had to be and what had become.
After moments passed, Celestia turned to Twilight and said in a calm and soothing voice, “Twilight, I want you to invite your friends here, to Canterlot, and tell them about what happened. They have been left in the dark for long enough, I feel.”
Twilight was startled at the sudden calm that had swept her. Twilight thought it was acceptance, but after a moment of studying the Alicorn’s face, she soon saw that it was something else completely.
The magical mare hesitated for a moment, but soon spoke. “All right. Why--why the sudden change in mood, Princess?”
Twilight’s question was sound, and Celestia answered with something she had not seen coming.
“I am tired, Twilight. I deal with many things, you must know, and I am tired of it all. I am not quite sure myself, maybe it is acceptance?” She shook her head. “No... That will have to come with time.”
Twilight gave her a weak smile, but the thought of asking why still persisted.
“You mean you do not know why yourself?” She asked.
Celestia sighed and lowered her head, staring at the ground.
“That is right.” Celestia shuddered.
Twilight watched with concern, but said nought a thing.
“Maybe--Maybe it is the realization that I am not fit to rule Equestria anymore.”
A single, lone tear fell as she heard Twilight gasp in shock and worry.
Chapter 3: Explanation
Twilight did what she was told--she invited the five to Canterlot and nervously awaited their arrival. Twilight had seen Celestia only twice that day, for both of them were quite busy. While she waited, her job was to run around the Canterlot Castle delivering messages, orders and notes while Princess Celestia dealt with the larger matters at hoof. The whole of Canterlot had began to shrug the thick blanket of darkness off and get back to their normal selves at a surprisingly fast rate.
She was not surprised, Equestria was a very strong nation after all. So was the Princess. Twilight Sparkle had no doubt in mind that she would get over the loss. But what if she was wrong? No. Of course not. Twilight shook her head, pushing the thought away and getting back to work.
She had just entered a corridor when a very tired looking, and very little, young filly came running up to her, gasping for air. She had a shining red mane and a coat whiter and more brilliant than Rarity’s, and even more well kept, Twilight had noted. So well kept in fact, that Rarity, with all the work she put into herself, would look at the filly as a God of beauty. Then again, most who lived in Canterlot looked like this.
“Miss Sparkle, Miss Sparkle!” The filly stopped and took a few large breaths in.
“They are here, Miss.”
Twilight, wide-eyed with surprise at the sudden entrance of the pony, gave her a soft smile, and let her continue.
“Your friends have arrived, the five you sent for.” She managed to say and look up at her, smiling weakly.
Twilight levitated a bottle of water out of a small pouch she had over her back and gave it to the filly.
“Thank you. You hold on to that.” She ruffled the fillies mane playfully. “And for your hard work...” She pulled out five bits and hoofed them to her, smiling.
“For me?” She asked in amazement.
Twilight nodded.
“Oh thank you, thank you!” She tackled Twilight, giggling, pushing the mare back and forcing her to her haunches.
“You worked hard to get here, you deserved it.” She hugged her back and got up. Twilight waved to her and began to trot back to the entrance of the castle.
---
The moment she saw her friends she knew. She knew that they knew. She hoped that they did not, but it was a fools hope, for all of Equestria had the horrible news in less than a day. Celestia had yet to return.
To be honest, she was glad she had not returned quite yet, her friends needed a break, both mentally and physically. Pinkie and Fluttershy were crying, Rarity’s mane was fairly un-kept and she was on the verge of tears. The others, she saw, were holding them back. Even the rough-and-tough Rainbow Dash.
---
The same filly that had ran to Twilight had ran to Celestia. She rewarded her generously as Twilight Sparkle had, and the filly was off again in a cute little blur, racing down the corridor. Although, even with the news, the Goddess had yet to return, she needed comfort. And she knew she was not going to get it. Oh, the thought made her cringe.
The only glimpse of hope she had to cling too--was Twilight Sparkle and her friends. But that hope, she thought, was a fools hope. What could they possibly do? Celestia stopped. Her head held high, and her eyes wide. A sparkle glistened in her eyes, but was gone as soon as it was there.
She knew, at that moment, that fools hope, was an honest hope, true and mighty it was! Hope rekindled within her. She still mourned--more than anypony else--but she now knew what she had to do. But first, she would have to let the gaping wound left in her soul by the death of her beloved sister heal.
But what if she was wrong? The thought struck a dagger of cold fear into her heart. The little pony in her head was screaming at her to accept the loss and move on--but it is not as easy as that, now is it? She shook the thought away quickly, not wanting to linger on something that should be locked up and thrown out the door and never let back in. Time heals all wounds, no matter how deep they may be.
But the thought persisted, buzzing around in her already warped and cracked mind like an annoying fly or gnat. It was slowly putting her into a state of annoyance. But, the hope she held dear stayed. Forcing herself to not think about it, the buzzing slowly quieted, and she continued on, looking out the occasional window to see the wonderful overlook of Equestria itself.
---
The others waited patiently for Princess Celestia. They had huddled up together and enjoyed each others company. Not many words were shared between them, but, to all their surprise, a horrific tension was beginning to build between them all, ready to snap if moved the wrong way. The tension was not necessarily bad, no, it was a jumble of emotions that none of them could definitively make out.
Some they were able to make out was: longing, sadness, joy, surprise, and the urge to throw a party for Princess Celestia, a party to help ease her mind. The last, many of them came to expect, was from Pinkie herself, although they were not sure, they all wanted to do something of the sort. As if on que, all six of the Elements Of Harmony started to talk all at once, throwing out the joys they had for all being back together again. Again, the que, they all stopped for a moment, blinking at each other with surprise and amusement, then busted into a fit of giggling, all of them hitting the floor, tears in their eyes.
Once calmed, they all sat beside each other and simply smiled. A real smile. For the first time since the death of the one that controlled the moon. Together, they were at their strongest. They could fight a way to hell and back. Each of them gave the other the strength that was needed always.
Being with each other was bliss. Pure, simple bliss. It was another thirty minutes before the Goddess had walked into the room they were all in. The sight brought a wonderful smile to her lips. The six had fallen asleep together, huddled together in a big, warm hug.
---
She had allowed them to sleep. In fact, she had laid down next to them, huddling close to them. She rested her head beside Twilight’s. Twilight turned slowly around and and nuzzled Celestia’s cheek, scooting close to her and wrapped her hooves around her neck, resting her head against the alicorns.
Celestia smiled happily and leaned her head against hers, closing her eyes in the process. Time heals all wounds, no matter how deep they may be. The thought, a powerful echo, rocked her mind, full of truth and hope. She soon fell into a sleep, light it was, but the best she had gotten since her loss.
Twilight awoke. Celestia had been asleep. The purple unicorn blushed a deep crimson as she realized that Celestia’s back legs had been brought around her, and her front legs too. She had pulled her into a heart warming hug.
Twilight Sparkle smiled widely, blushing still from the sudden contact, and nuzzled her cheek. She looked up and around the sleeping alicorn princess to see that all her friends--Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, Applejack, Rarity, Rainbow Dash--had all gotten up and snuggled close to Celestia, Rainbow laying her head on her neck, while Pinkie had merely slept on top of her. The others were cuddled around her. The holder of the Element of Magic giggled at the sight of the pink mare, on top of the ruler of the nation, snoring loudly, fast asleep.
Celestia’s eyes slowly opened. Twilight took notice and have her a reassuring smile.
“I could have sworn that somepony or something was laying on me.” Celestia had said, looking at her back and giggled.
Pinkie had mysteriously vanished. That should be her Cutie Mark, Twilight thought. Some sort of half invisible pony on her flan-
The thought was interrupted as Pinkie Pie jumped out of nowhere, yelling “SURPRISE!” with a burst of confetti. All of them shot a foot up in the air with an “EEP!” Pinkie was giggling as the others, even Celestia, had began to giggle.
“In honor of the poor loss of Princess Luna, “ Pinkie began, sadness clearly staining her tone. “We should PAR-TAY!”
Pinkie bounced up, another wave of confetti shooting into the air from an unknown source.
The Princess’ giggles slowly subdued, a wave of joy overtaking her, even knowing the story she had to tell was soon.
“Maybe after a bit of explaining,” she started. “Said explaining will have to come first. As for the party, well, we can take our minds off the worries of life and the stresses we hold for a while with it.” She smiled at all of them. “Come my little ponies, it is time you have to come out of the dark.”
They had all dreaded this time, even Twilight, who already knew how it all happened.
---
She invited them into her sleeping chambers for better comfort and privacy. Princess Celestia had lain out big colorful pillows for them all to rest upon. She had also made some tea herself, a special tea that, from what she knew, had only grown in the Everfree forest.
They all settled in and told stories to one another, slowly warming themselves up for the story that they knew had been coming, and knew they were not ready for it. They told stories of past Winter Wrap-Ups, adventures in the Everfree, and even the story of how they had fought Discord. They all had heard it, hell, they had been a part of it. In fact, they were everything in that story.
At last, the stalling could not go on. Celestia had loved the stories, she had heard them all through Twilight’s letters to her, but she loved hearing them again none the less. But she wanted to get the pressing matter over with.
“The way she died was simple.” Celestia had began, a shudder deep within her voice. “She committed suicide.”
Even though they all had known that much already, the room grew cold. They all fixed her with a blank stare. A look of, No. Please. Do not let it be true! But sadly it was, and they all knew it.
“And it was all my fault...” She trailed off.
The look had turned into a look of confusion from them all. Except Twilight Sparkle. She simply looked on, past Celestia, past the wall behind her. She was in a very deep thought, almost trance-like. She could not bare to hear it again.
“She could not handle the modern age. After being trapped on the moon for one thousand years, and then being placed back into society, where everypony thought you were your Nightmare self, got to her. I do not blame her. If anypony is to blame--it is me.
“I am the one who banished her to the blasted moon...” She caught on the words for a moment, then resumed. “There were other ways I could have dealt with the situation, I am sure. I just did not look deep enough.”
She sighed deeply and looked down, tears beginning to wash over the dam.
“The stress was simply too much for her.”
“How--how did she...?” Rarity began, tears in her own eyes as well, as well as the others. She was unable to finish those words.
“She fell.” Celestia said with a sob--the first of many. “She jumped off the very edge of Canterlot itself. And she did not fly...” The broken Goddess took a moment to wipe the tears away. “They found her mere minutes after she had fallen. She fell near a town underneath Canterlot.”
They took a moment of silence. A moment that felt as if it was an eternity. Once done, and Celestia had regained her composure, Twilight slowly stepped forward and kissed Celestia on the cheek warmly. She sat next to her leaning against her to give her the support she needed. One by one, they all came up and did the same.
After Twilight, Rarity--then Fluttershy--then Rainbow Dash--then Applejack flowed. As soon as Applejack had moved away, Pinkie galloped up and tackled Celestia to the ground, locking her in a kiss full on the lips. They all gasped. Celestia’s face had went from her usual beautiful white, to a deep red blush in almost instantly.
After what seemed a few minutes to the ones looking, Pinkie broke the almost passionate kiss, a single string of slobber connected the two pairs lips. She hopped off and licked her own, then sat, staring at the others, who were looking at her as if she had lost her mind.
“What...?” Pinkie said. “It was a sign of respect.”
Princess Celestia slowly rose into a sitting position, her lips still parted from where Pinkie’s tongue had entered her mouth. She closed her mouth and slowly leaned toward Twilight, whom was sitting next to her, and asked, “Does she...”
“Always act like that...?” Twilight had finished her sentence for her. “Yeah. Sorry about that. You should have seen her when Big Mac helped her with bringing some cupcakes to Fluttershy’s last year. She offered more than just a kiss to him.” Twilight snickered as she saw Pinkie blush.
“What?” Pinkie began. “He may not talk a lot, but once you get him talking, wow! He is amazing! He listens to everything you have to say without interruptions, and tells the best stories!
“Plus, he never asks for anything in return.” She sighed dreamily. “The best stallion I have ever met...”
Applejack gave her a questioning look, an eyebrow raising.
“Plus he is kind of cute!”
“Woah there, sister! That is muh brother ‘ur talkin’ about.” Applejack had barged in, stopping Pinkie in her verbal tracks.
Leave it up to us to turn a horrible conversation into something like this... Twilight Sparkle thought to herself, shaking her head ever so slightly, a touch of a smile on her lips. Even Celestia allowed herself a smile.
“Yeah, and your brother is hot!” Pinkie continued.
To that, they all had a laugh.
“Now that all the sad stuffs is over, lets have that thing.” The pink mare said.
“What thing?” Dash replied.
“You know, the thing, over there.”
Dash facehoofed to that.
“No wait, it is under there.” Pinkie continued.
“Under where?” Fluttershy responded.
Pinkie snorted, then busted out laughing, hitting the floor.
“You said underwear!” She yelled out in between fits of laughter.
Rainbow Dash leaned over to Celestia and asked, “What is underwear...?”
Celestia shrugged. Twilight joined in and added, “Probably just Pinkie Pie being up to her usual--well--Pinkie-ness.” She giggled.
---
Pinkie indeed threw a party. A grand, wonderful, heart-stopping party that lasted through out the night. It was the greatest time of their lives. They had suffered much from a simple loss, and began to feel the hope rebuilding.
But, could they keep it up? Celestia had thought this simple thought to herself many times. Although, with the grand Pinkie-Party going down, all stress and worry was nonexistent. It left them for a short period of time and let them enjoy themselves for the first time in a great long time.
Time heals all wounds, no matter how deep they may be.