Twilight hurried down the hallway, frantically snatching papers that were flung from her magical grip during her mad dash. She had been gathering information on a new city that remained to be identified.

     Equestrian records showed no history of any recent building permits in that area of Whitetail Wood. The city had been able to keep hidden thanks to the mountains and the thick foliage of the forest itself. It was reasonably isolated and far from any trading networks, but still strange. What was more disturbing, however, was the fact that no ponies could have possibly been there. Not unless the village was set up by a reclusive group.

     In the recent months after her brother and her foalsitter had gotten married, the Everfree seemed almost devoid of all dangerous wildlife, save for plants and the like. It was as if they had… migrated. This revelation was the exact reason why Twilight Sparkle, Celestia's student, was in such a hurry.

     "Hmmm, hmmm, hm hm hmmmm…" Celestia hummed merrily to herself. Her guards had been sent away and she was enjoying some 'private time'.

     "Hm hm hm hm hm hm hmmmmm…" She twirled and stroked, she did it rough and sometimes with soft, fluid motions. And sometimes she would use other toys.

      "Hmmmm hm hm-" Suddenly the throne room doors opened, and Twilight rushed in. Celestia immediately stopped the very un-princess-like behavior, and hid her toys. She cleared her face of red and put on the best poker-face she could manage, which was admittedly very impressive. Luckily, the papers flying around her student was enough to distract the poor unicorn, and save the ruler's flank.

     "Celestia!" Twilight yelped, how adorable. "There is something urgent I need to speak with you about!"

     Celestia raised a single eyebrow.

     "What is it, my little pony? What has you so flustered?" Celestia spoke in the voice of a calm and collected sensei from out of some kind of Disney movie with children, karate, and whatnot. Thousands of years of practice nets you some wisdom points.

     "The Mystery City! I have reason to believe that the creatures of the Everfree are congregating there instead of in their natural habitats! Look!" A map with several coffee stains, pencil markings, erasures, and some kind of dried green residue was flattened onto a coffee-table. Twilight wiped away some of the green muck. "Sorry, changeling got in through the window…"

     Celestia was about to speak, but Twilight rudely cut her off. "I'll talk about it later! Anyway! Several travelers have noted seeing such creatures as Timberwolves, cockatrices, and the unmistakable Hydra moving through areas around here," she circled an area with her hoof between the Everfree and Whitewood. "and reports of large unidentified flying animals here." She waved over an area outside Ponyville.

     Any excursions into Everfree have gone off without a hitch. Nopony was attacked or threatened in the slightest, except for that one mare who almost got stomped for a sandwich… But regardless, I also spoke with Zecora, the resident zebra inside the Everfree. She says that the beasts, and I quote, 'have been called, and so nopony has been mauled.'"

     At hearing the zebra's quote, Celestia woke up. "Waaaa?!" She refocused on Twilight.

     "Princess?" Twilight sounded a bit hurt at her mentor's apparent apathetic approach to her report.

     "Yes. Very interesting, my little pony. Your report has garnered my interest.

     The drool wiped across her jewel-encrusted breast-plate said differently.

     Twilight narrowed her eyes ever so slightly. While the unicorn was focusing on her eyes, Celestia cast a spell to read the mare's latest thoughts. The information hit Celestia like a brick wall with feces as mortar. It was horrible, disgusting, egghead smart stuff! Aristocracy didn't need these things, they were not nice things. Bubble baths and hoof-massages were nice things. Celestia purred subconsciously, Especially when Wandisimo is involved.

     Celestia shook her head and stared down Twilight Sparkle. "The animals of the Everfree are heading to the Whitetail Woods. The Mystery City is also situated there. You, Twilight Sparkle, have reason to believe that this city is responsible. Very well, assemble a team and get ready to go tomorrow morning." She clapped her hooves. "Now, SCAT!"

     A golden blast of magic later and Twilight found herself outside the throne room's doors, her papers zipping out empty windows and impaling themselves on unicorn busts.

     Twilight's brain fizzled slowly, then popped back with the intensity of a spotlight. "I need to make a checklist."

     Meanwhile, in the throne room.

     "Oh Wandisimo, scoop me up and fly me away!" Celestia twirled a pearl white alicorn doll and stroked her vibrant mane.

     Her voice then took on what we would call a heavy latino accent. "Yes, my love, let us fly through the heavens, where nopony will be able to follow us. Our love will be forever…" Then she smacked the two puppets roughly together, and with a soft, fluid motion, she levitated them up to the ceiling of the throne room.

     The next morning.

     Private Silk Shot groped lazily around his quarters. A letter had literally appeared right as he had been attempting to drift off to sleep yesterday.

     It simply read:

     Get your flank up the next morning or you're Hydra chow. Got me punk?

     And so here he was, ready to defend his country in all of his groggy, slipper-bound glory. He looked at himself in the mirror. Bunny slippers weren't going to be sending chills down the spines of is enemies, maybe chills down their funny bone. Pfah, I'm still glorious.

     With a leap and a bound, he threw off his slippers and made his way into the bathroom. His horn glowed a dull blue as his tooth brush accepted a generous amount of toothpaste, which he then inserted into his mouth. Brushy, brushy, brushy. He spit out the minty fluid and saliva and then took care of his disheveled coat.

     Combs and brushes went through his plum-colored fur, unknotting masses of hair and making it shine. Then he slapped his helmet over his messy blue mane and the fabulosity of his individuality was lost. White coat, with blue eyes instead of… wait… his eyes were blue, just lighter. Sky blue, that's it.

     Within minutes he was out the door, his weapon of choice strapped to his back tightly. His one hundred and fifty pound crossbow with a neat little telescopic sight on it. If pride has a circle in Tartarus, he's its destined king. The love and care he showed for this thing outranked even his own mother. (Three-hundred bits a year to a nursing home, thank ya kindly.)

     Top of his class, a ranged prodigy, but a total hard-ass in the field. He could hit a peanut riding on the back of a manticore traveling two miles up, while he hung upside down from a second story window of a falling building. He was just that badass.

     Not really, he had just bought the crossbow and named it Nancy. His friends though it was a stupid name, but he didn't have to care, because HE HAD A FRICKEN CROSSBOW, BIATCH. And so he joined the Royal Guard, because they never did anything anyway, except for getting their flanks handed to them against insects. Damn, that was embarrassing,

     ANYWAY. Silk traveled the halls, making a beeline for the throne room in order to get his debrief on the situation.

     The doors to the throne room burst open. They did that more often than not. Don't look at me, stuff just works that way in stories.

     "Sorry I'm late sir! I'm ready for my debrief!" Silk Shot panted from the run, having taken the wrong turn into the wrong hall. They all look the same! Grrrrrr…

     "Too late, Private! Ask somepony else. This meeting is adjourned." The gruff earth pony snorted and trotted out.

     "Aw, crap." Silk's eyebrows leveled and his mouth twisted into a disappointed scowl. Then he felt a tap on his shoulder.

     "Excuse me. I think I can help explain things to you."

     Silk's attention turned to the feminine voice behind him. Purple. Sweet Mama Luna that's a-lot-a purple. But he didn't turn down this opportunity.

     "Yes! Please! Tell me everything you know. Absolutely everything!"

     Twilight's face lit up in excitement. "Everything?"

A/N: Nerdy Twilight is nerdy. My first story on FimFiction. I am in desperate need of an editor. If you can give me some help, that'd be appreciated greatly. Input, questions, comments, criticism?

This story is human-based, I'm not gonna lie, but I'll try my hardest to avoid clichés. Not a self-insert, nor is the human a 'hero'. You'll understand as you read on, that is if you read on. And I'd be much obliged if you do. Next Chapter: Chapter 2- Adventurers Assemble! Estimated time remaining: 3 Hours, 14 Minutes