"So Griffin..." Twilight began. "What is human television like?"

"Huh? Why do you ask?"

"Well, we have photography and reel players, but those machines are normally only used to give instructional video. The idea of using that kind of thing for entertainment hasn't really come up. Of course, a long time ago you had told me that you watched our world on television, so I became interested in what other kinds of entertainment there are."

"I dunno about that, I mean, considering the production values... it'd leave a lot up to the imagination, and the whole town already thinks I'm nuts, I don't really want to go acting like a crazy person." I cringed at the thought.

"Oh it'll be fine. We'll just do a private showing, besides, it can't be all that bad, can it?"

"... you have no idea. Alright, fine, I'll go along with it, but you asked for it. We'll do it like a play, and I'll get the others involved. Gimme some time to come up with a script, costumes and the like. We'll do it at the old castle in the Everfree."

"Um, Griffin, what's my line again?"

"Fluttershy, you're the damsel in distress, just, scream and cry uncontrollably. Happy moments, sad moments, just be over emotional."

"Oh... um.... okay..." Then she whimpered shyly.

"Yes, that's perfect. Rarity, great job on the makeup and costumes." I admired her work in the mirror. I wore black cloth over armor, with a tattered red cape flowing behind me in an unseen breeze. A massive scar from the top of my forehead, over my right eye, all the way down to my cheek gave the proper villain look. Fluttershy was dressed as the fair princess of the land, while Dash had a red shirt and pants, with blue lightning streaks across them. Applejack was just dressed as herself, but that was for another reason. Finally, Discord was behind the curtain in the old castle, prepped for special effects.

"I always endeavor to do my best. I must admit, I look forward to seeing this, what of you Twilight?"

"Well, am I interested for what passes as entertainment in their world, though I'm still not so sure about the whole premise."

"I still don't get it Grif. This doesn't make any sense at all, and I can't remember all these lines." Rainbow Dash rubbed her temples with her hooves. "Grr, and this outfit is itchy as... grrr...." She bit into her wing with her teeth. "What did Rarity make this thing out of, fleas?"

"Just try and deal with it okay. It's fine that you can't remember the lines, this is why I made this mostly improv anyway. All you need to know is I'm the villain. I'm the most powerful being in the world because I'm pure evil. You're the hero. You have a can do attitude, and indomitable spirit, and absolutely EVERYTHING you do makes you stronger. I don't care what it is, it makes you stronger. From eating celery to getting zapped by a thundercloud, everything. If you get stuck, I'll jump in and throw something your way. Also, remember, friendship is the most important thing. Being near your friends gives you strength, seeing your friends hurt makes you mad, which gives you strength,and whenever you're totally done for, remembering that your friends need you always gives just that little bit more you need to win. That, and nobody ever dies on screen. It's implied, but you never see it."

"Anything else?" She asked.

"Oh, yeah, make sure to spout cheesy lines where appropriate, always call out the names of your attacks, and the big finisher has to be a long drawn out shout."

"Uh, okay..."

"If that's everything, I think it's time we get started."

I watched as the curtain came down. Sweetie Belle walked out on stage wearing a pair of cat ears on a hair band. In an adorably squeaky voice, she began.

"Last time on 'Kawaii Ka Nai!' The evil king Ogatai burnt down Elora's village, and kidnapped her to make her open the seven seals of eternity! Can the hero, Kai, rescue her? I wonder what's going to happen next?"

The curtain rose again, showing all the main characters standing around looking off into... nowhere, as a song began to play. I couldn't understand the language, but it sounded like Neighponese. It was a catchy tune though. After it ended, the curtain dropped again and Spike walked out front.

"We'll be right back after these messages!" He happily proclaimed.

"Wait, what? A commercial break? But we haven't even started yet!" I grumbled. Applebloom walked out with a bushel of apples.

"Apple Acres premium apples! you can eat em! You can play sports with em, bake em into pies!" She took a bite out of one sitting on her hoof. "DEEEEEElicious." She walked off stage and Sweetie Belle came back up.

"Now, back to the show!"

When the curtain rose again, the scenery was completely different. It was a village, burning to the ground, the special effect likely caused by Discord, while Griffin stood there as a human, in his villainous getup. Err... Lord Ogatai, stood looking villainous. He laughed maniacally as the village burned behind him, his eyes rolling up into his skull, and his razor sharp teeth glinting in the fire light while his long, serpentine tongue jutted out of his mouth.

"Bwahahaha!" He laughed as he grabbed Fluttershy, I mean Princess Elora by the mane. "Now then Princess... OPEN THE SEALS! Release the great evil that slumbers here!"

"I.. but... I..." She began tearing up, her bottom lip quivering as she looked to the villain holding her hostage.

"I burnt down your village, killed your family! If you don't want the same to happen to you, then you'll do as I say! Bwahahahahaha!" Suddenly, 'Elora's' face became very stern.

"But, if I do as you ask, it will not bring back my village, nor my parents. After I have done it, you'll have no need for me, and you'll certainly do to me what you have done here. I am the only one with the ancient knowledge, passed down to me by my parents. I'll take the secrets to my grave!"

"Ha! What courage! But you must know it's futile. You will give me what I want! I wonder just how much PAIN you can withstand till your will is broken?"

"Hold it right there Oldbuttguy!" Rainbow Dash came on the scene, looking dramatic. Of course, she bumbled the name, but that just makes the character seem like she's intentionally insulting the villain.

"It's OGATAI! I should have known you'd come to rescue your childhood friend, but it's too late! Once she opens the seals of eternity, the evil spirit they imprison will be released, and will grant me immortality! BWAHAHAAHAHA!"

"You've burned down my village, you've hurt my friend... I'll NEVER FORGIVE YOU!" A golden light surrounded Rainbow Dash as she screamed her rage to the heavens.

"I see you've also studied the sacred art of the Kojen Monks, but let's see who has a better mastery of it!" Ogatai casually cast Elora to the ground, making her bounce in the dirt. He became engulfed in a great black shadow that towered over the highest rooftops of the village.

"Justice Strike!" The hero Kai shouted as she struck Ogatai with her shining hoof. He grabbed it in his hand and easily sent her spiraling through the dust. "Grr, damnit! So itchy. I can't take this anymore!" She bit down on her outfit, so carefully prepared by Rarity, and tore it off of herself, spitting it onto the ground. Ogatai shifted his one foot and whispered 'Terra' making the ground around 'Kai's' discarded clothing crack around it.

"Whaaa?" Ogatai recoiled in surprise. "Weighted training clothes? No wonder you were so slow..."

"What?" Dash seemed confused. " Oh, uh... that's right! Nobody gets away with calling me slow! The real fight begin now!" She dove at Ogatai once again, where they clashed in a flurry of blows, each one connecting, both sides taking damage, before finally Ogatai grabbed Kai by the tail and flung her into the ground hard. She let out a gasp for air, and rolled, struggling to get to her hooves.

"Hahaha! Foolish Kai! Now you know the true power of evil! You cannot win! BWAHAHAHAAHAHA!"

"Please Kai! Get up! Don't lose!" Princess Elora cried.

"Alright, this is bucking stupid!" Rainbow Dash, clearly out of character shouted.

"What? No!" Ogatai shouted. "This cannot be!" Rainbow Dash flew at sonic Rainboom Speeds straight at him. "The ancient Art, Heaven's Wheel! The ultimate purifying magic! No!" As the rainbow circle expanded, the hero collided with the villain, sending him flying into the set, where he slumped to the ground in defeat. The great black miasma surrounding him dissipated as he fell to his knees.

"This feeling... I can't.... AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!" Ogatai screamed as a shining light engulfed him, leaving him laying on the ground motionless.

"Are you okay Flutt.. Princess?" Rainbow remembered her character and got back into it.

"Oh Rain.. Kai, thank you so much. Now we can finally live in peace."

"We'll be back after these messages!" Spike shouted as he jumped on stage.

"Oh COME ON! Again!!??" I yelled.

"Sweet Apple Acres Cider. Its cider season once again, and there's only so much ta go around. Make sure ta get it while it lasts!" Applejack stated proudly, holding up a mug of the golden brew.

"Gimme that!" Rainbow Dash jumped out from behind the curtain, grabbed hold of the mug, and guzzled it down greedily. At the awkward stares she received, she immediately spoke in a deeper, bold voice, "This golden elixer gives me the might of the gods!", before sheepishly backing away behind the curtain.

"Back to the show!" Spike proclaimed as AJ walked off bewildered.

"Ogatai is defeated! Now Princess Elora and Kai can finally live in peace! But what of their village? And wait, what's this? Ogatai is alive? He was under the power of evil mind control and was only a puppet? Then who's the true mastermind behind this sinister plan? Will Kai finally admit her true feelings towards the princess? Find out next time on Kawaii Ka Nai!" With that, the curtain dropped, and the show ended. All the actors came off the stage and began cleaning themselves up.

"So.. what'd you think of human television Twilight?"

"I'm not sure. It kept jumping from one place to the next, and the way the hero gets stronger is completely ridiculous, though I do like the whole 'friendship purifying evil' aspect." Griffin snickered to himself. "Though, it was kind of hard to follow, since I didn't have much background. Maybe if I had been following the series up till now..."

"I have to say, I don't very much agree with the defenseless maiden aspect of the Princess." Luna stated as she walked up beside me.

"Princess Luna, when did you arrive?" I asked.

"I have been here the whole time. Rulers should be proud, wise, and strong, an icon their followers can look up to. If they break into tears as the drop of a hat, what kind of image does that send to the populace? In the next episode, I shall play the role of the princess! And no evil villain shall get the better of me!"

"Um... Luna, you do realize this was a one time thing right? I never came up with any more than this one episode, and I didn't have a series start or anything." Griffin stated. "Besides, this was embarrassing enough to do once, I don't think I could handle doing another show..." He said dejectedly.

"Oh come now, it wasn't that bad, I thought it was quite fun! The brave, bold hero, coming to rescue the fair maiden, kidnapped by the sinister villain for some evil purpose, it has the makings of a fairy tail written all over it." Princess Celestia said as she walked up. "Though I'm not sure why there were so many advertisements for such little content."

"That's because most of these shows desperately need funding, so they have all sorts of product placement." Griffin explained. "It's not unusual for a thirty minute show to be twenty minutes of commercials and ten minutes of actual content, not to mention sometimes the content is just the hero and villain shouting at each other."

"I'm curious as to why you chose this style to show us, certainly there's more... wholesome genre's you could have portrayed..." Rarity asked.

"Well, for the most part, Equestria has all those genre's in books. Novels, comic books and the like cover all those, but I haven't seen anything here that resembles anime, so that's what I went with."

"Well, I'd say this is a successful learning experience. What did you think Rainbow Dash?"

"It was totally awesome! Kai comes in and you think she's going to lose but with her friends in need she pulls together and beats the villain good! I don't know much for story, but the action was awesome!"

"What about you Aoi? Since you're here as well, what did you think?" Griffin asked the shadowy figure in the corner. He poked his head out slightly wearing an extremely serious face.

"I hate you. So much." He replied, directed at Griffin specifically. Then he left without saying another word.

"Well, I guess we know who the villain is in the next episode..." Griffin joked, and we all collapsed in a heap of laughter.

Author's Notes:

I had this idea and it just wouldn't go away. I had to do it so I could clear my mind and get on with the actual story. I'm sorry! I didn't have a choice! they made me do it! Who's they you might ask? Why, the voices in my head! They whisper sweet nothings one minute, and shout obscenities the next! But what caused this terrible fate? Why, it must be a curse from the Voodoo Priestess!

"In this play, I'll have no part, for tis a mockery of the art."

Find out next time on "Kawaii Ka Nai!"

Seriously though, I had wanted to do something like this for a long time, simply as a spoof for comedy, but given the current placement in the story line, it was pretty much impossible. It recently came to the forefront of my mind again, and I just couldn't seem to get rid of it, which was making it so I couldn't get a move on with the actual story, so, I just said screw it and did it. It the story seemed lame or cheesy, well, that was the point.

Io Kusanagi gave me the chapter title, it means 'Totally not cute'

At one point in the actual story, I'll have Twilight ask him the question at the beginning, link to the chapter, then continue the story otherwise uninterrupted.