"Stupid sun, night forever.... volare..." From what I've been told, my magic would be at it's peak either right after waking up, or after eating, which means that now was the perfect time to use a little levitation spell to close the curtains and get some more sleep. After blocking out the obtrusive solar radiation, I pulled my covers back up to my head, only to have the door busted down by a unicorn guard, who then swung those blasted drapes right back open.

"Alright! Let's go! Up and at em! Move it move it move it! We have a busy day ahead of us so you better get moving!" The pony then brought out a bugle and blew it loudly right in my face.

"Uuuuuugh. Shuuuuut uuuuuuup. Umbra." Blessed silence. Undeterred by my spell, the stallion began poking me through the covers with his hoof till I rolled out of bed. "Fine, I'm up geez. what do you want?" No reply. "The silence spell already wore off you know."

"Um. oh, wow. I uh. I was only told to come and wake up whoever was in this room, and get them down to the guard mess hall, no excuses. I had no idea it was you. Can I have your autograph?" Apparently he's a fan.

"What? NO! What the heck kind of guard are you to flip flop like that? Pull out a whistle and start blowing, demanding I march with each blow!"

"Yes sir!"

"Don't call me sir!"

As I exited my room to the tune of a whistle, I saw a pair of guards snickering. For a moment, I was about to get offended, until I looked into their eyes and saw that they weren't looking at me, but the guard leading me. 'Ah, a greenhorn. Made the newbie try and get me up. Very nice guys. Very nice.' He lead me through the castle, down to the guard's barracks, where he had me sit at a table next to all the other new guys. He then went to what appeared to be his superior officer who began berating him.

"What's with the griffin?"

"I thought they all went to Signal if they wanted to fight."

"Doofus, that's Griffin, you know, the griffin?"

"That's him? I heard he went feral and got put in our military to try and reign him in."

"Which is why he's here right now?"

"I CAN hear you guys, you know that right?" I butted into their conversation. The two of them gulped and shut their traps, just in time for the 'superior officer' to come over and whack his riding crop on the table.

"I'm Corporal Carton. The princess says Griffin here needs to learn how to trust, and you all need to shape up. so, here's the deal. He's going to go through training with you. You're going to be working as a team, and you'll have to trust each other, or you'll fail. Hopefully you all won't be such rejects, and he'll learn how to trust other ponies. Finish eating in five minutes and meet me out on the training course.... and remember to drink your milk!" Corporal carton, milk carton, he's serious about milk... ok, come on, are they even trying?

I began looking around at the ones I'm apparently supposed to learn how to trust. One of them was a soft yellow unicorn covered in acne, another was a blue unicorn and constantly had snot dripping from his snout,, a third was a grey earth pony mare with a black emo hairstyle and a fire in her eye, yet remained silent, and the fourth was an ogre of an eggshell white earth pony stallion wearing an, 'I love doughnuts' shirt of green wool and a pair of thick rimmed glasses.... I couldn't tell whether he'd speak in a refined English accent, or whether he hailed from the land of 'duh'. I was sure to find out soon enough.

"...... you've got to be bucking kidding. They put me in the geek squad. High school all over again."

"What's your problem huh? Friends and family don't need you no more, so they tossed you out like yesterdays trash, and now you're in a pissy mood?" Emo girl sassed.

'..... You're in my head, preying on my insecurities. OUT.'

"Hey, comeon, *snnnnaaark* ya don't need to be so mean..." Snot boy replied, snorking a booger in a way that made me want to vomit.

"Yeah, so he's had a bad time, and he's been abandoned by everyone he cares about, and....... *sniff*" Acne kid broke down crying.

"I must say, this is a rather terrible start, I do hope I've made a good first impression." And high society English accent it is! Fatty got brains!

"..... I'm fucked. So far, Mr Posh over there is the only one I see myself getting along with. Zitz is a cry baby, Snot is.. well, snot, and Inky's an emo bitch."

"Da name's Black Tat now, and how'd you know who I am? You been stalkin me ya creep?" She pulled a can of mace and aimed it at me threateningly.

"Inkamina, there's no need for such violence. He clearly hasn't been stalking you, as he's only just arrived. I am curious however as to how you know her name, and mine as well?" Glasses asked in turn. I guess his name really is Mr. Posh. something Posh, something Posh..... don't tell me he's named Pish Posh. If he is I will beat my head on this table.

"Lucky guess. You know, seeing as how everybody is named based on how they look and what they're good at. So, a tattoo artist? I thought ponies didn't have tattoo's, what with the talent marks and all." I didn't feel safe saying 'cutie' around the people.

"It's rare. Mostly griffins, minotaurs and them who wanna fit in by gettin their own mark. Ponies don't know jack about someone unless they got one."

"...... You just said someone instead of somepony."

"What's it to you?"

"It's supporting evidence to the fact that, as a tattoo artist, you spend most of your time with non-ponies. Most ponies who don't spend time with other ponies don't like other ponies, and most ponies who don't like other ponies are assholes. I guess we have something in common after all."

"Oh look, someone think's he's a detective. A real braniac. You'll get along with Pish over there just fine." She pointed to Mr. Posh. I paused for a moment and to make the connection between what she said and what she implied, before I began bashing my head on the breakfast table.

"You *bang* ponies *bang* are so *bang* damn *bang* predictable! Would it kill you to do SOMETHING unexpected once in a while?" In other news, I now know how Discord feels.

"All done eating?" Corporal came back over. "Good! Get moving!" In reality, I hadn't even touched my food. He brought out a riding crop and whacked it against the table. "I'm glad you've all got full stomachs, because now you're going to do sit ups till you puke!"

"Yeah, that's not going to happen. See, if my magic reserves get too low, I'll freaking die so..." He quickly rapped the riding crop across my beak. Of course, I had my protect spells on, so it didn't really hurt, but it still stung a little.

"Don't you worry about that. I've already been informed of your situation, and I'll take care of your wimpy little problem. The only thing stopping you is going to be your lack of determination....." He noticed my plate still full. "and your empty stomach."

"What would making us exercise till we vomit even accomplish?" Pish asked.

"It'd make you move your fat flank till you pass out, that's what! Now move it!" Pfft, more like humiliate us and break our spirits so we'll do whatever you say without question and become proper soldiers. As if that's gonna happen.

"Yeah Corporal Punishment, I'm goin, I'm goin." I quipped. Inky smirked at that joke. The drill sergeant didn't and wound up whacking me again, this time on the flank. "Careful, I might start thinking you're interested." I replied with a leery smile, specifically to make him feel awkward. This made him facehoof.

"Just... get going."

So, we all did sit ups. The drill sergeant lit his horn and sent a constant stream of magic at me to keep me from burning myself out. Snot was the first to go. The constant abdominal muscle contractions eventually caused a spasm, contracting his stomach while keeping his body straight, decreasing it's volume and thus causing it to eject it's contents, up through the esophagus and out the mouth. He then collapsed into the green puddle of bile and soggy, half digested plants.

"Well done! That was..... thirty seven... by Celestia you really are hopeless. Hit the showers, you reek, and keep your blasted nose clean."

Zits was next. He made it to 76 before he collapsed and couldn't do any more. Apparently, that wasn't good enough, so a swift hoof to the gut let him finish his task.

Surprisingly, Pish Posh was third at 146. From all his eating, his superior digestive system was able to keep his food down, though he ate quite a bit at breakfast, and rather than a muscle spasm, the constant up and down made him dizzy enough to empty his overfilled stomach. He at least had the sense of dignity to avoid landing in it. The surprising part is how many he was able to do, and that he didn't give up.

"Good work, you might shape up yet. Hit the showers." Posh trotted off with a sense of pride, leaving me and Inky with the Corporal.

"I think I've been too easy on you griffin." He said my race, not my name. "You've got experience, and I'm gettin bored waiting for you to spew, so I'm gonna give you a little.... help." Just like that, he hopped up and stood on my stomach, making it at least ten times more difficult to do sit ups. "Continue." His horn began glowing again, giving me that constant feed of magic to make sure it was my muscles that would give out first.

At 350, Inky was STILL going strong, while I felt the tension in my gut as the muscle bundle jumped upwards from overuse. I sat up, rolled over (knocking Carton off me) and retched, though on an empty stomach, nothing more than a little clear fluid came out.

"I don't believe it. The captain of the Griffin Pirates just got beat by a mare." The corporal stated as he got stood up and dusted himself off.

"Yeah, I don't get it either."

"Pfft, please. On a rock farm, all we DO is monotonous, heavy lifting. See these abs? Go ahead, poke em." I did, and sure enough, they were as hard as a rock.

"Well then, I guess you're just going to have to stay out here all day aren't you?" Corporal Carton sneered.

"Ignis." A quick, low level lightning spell, another poke in the ribs, and Inky was suddenly done her sit ups. The drill... corporal... grumbled, but relented, and let us go.

Something you may or may not find odd about showers in the Equestrian military, is they don't have separate ones for different genders. We all shower together. I mean, we're naked all the time anyways, so separation is kind of pointless. I turned the water on full blast and shot myself with the coldest I could, while Inky, who was right beside me, did the same. Afterwards, she began to towel dry, while I used a light wind spell, since I hadn't be drained because of the constant recharge. Of course, I forgot the effect that has, and wound up fluffy. This made Inky laugh her head off at me.

"Yeah, sure, laugh it up, but soft and fluffy gets ALL the girls." I thought back to my interactions with Ivan, and how obvious he was now that I think back on it, and how oblivious I was. "And some of the guys." I recoiled. Her response was an angry glare, because she apparently remembered she's supposed to be pissed off about everything.

"Yeah, whatever. Better go get lunch before it's all gone..... how did you do that thing anyways?" We began walking through the corridors towards the lunch room.

"What thing?"

"What do you think? The part where you poked me in the gut and I puked. And while we're at it, the wind thing."

"Oh, I just ran an electric current through your abdominal muscles, causing uncontrolled contraction, leading to emesis."

"If you're going to use big words, go hang out with Pish Posh."

"Shocky touch gut make spew." I said in an insultingly base tone, to reflect my broken sentence. She growled and frowned, then looked down to hide her face behind her mane.

"Thanks for that. I'd probably be out there all day."

"Don't mention it. Seriously. To anyone. Gotta keep some secrets. It wouldn't do to have my 'get out of sit ups free' card get taken away. Anyways, both that and the wind thing were done with magic, which I have been abusing the heck out of since I figured out I could. Which is why Carton had to keep a constant stream on me, so I wouldn't burn myself out from the exercise."

"What are you doing here anyway? In boot camp I mean." Black Tattoo asked.

"... You mean it's not obvious?" I replied. She simply looked at me blankly with one eye behind her mane. "I have trouble with social interaction, as well as mental stability. She's placed me in an environment that forces me to interact with and trust others, as well as requires emotional fortitude for success. She's attempting to help me overcome my weaknesses by putting me in a consistent situation that demands those areas be improved... And yes, I am using big words on purpose to annoy you. Why are you here?"

"I hit a foal because he wouldn't stop asking 'why'." She deadpanned.

"You are a hero to the millions of childless who have to put up with the unending annoyance of being around children that are not theirs."

"..... sarcasm?"

"Only partly. Also, it's been made abundantly clear that the unit we're in is the 'troublemakers' squad, where they put ponies... and griffins, that are maladjusted to society. Pish Posh is high class, grossly overweight, and his parents want him to make something of himself. Zits is scrawny and is looking to learn how to defend himself from bullies, a feeling I know all too well, Snot is... well, snot, and you have a bad attitude, something your rock farmer parents won't put up with, so they sent you here."

"You think you know everything, don't you?" She asked with a hint of malice towards me for my smart-assedness. "Well, other than those guys' names."

"Yeah, pretty much." I stopped walking as I suddenly realized something. "And that's half the problem."

"Huh?"

I let out a sigh and looked down. "I'm so used to figuring people out just by looking at them that... I don't actually get the chance to really know them. I've been purposefully avoiding social contact for so long it's become a habit, one that was, admittedly, useful when I needed to figure out how to manipulate people, but if I'm trying to learn how to make real friends, I can't have preconceptions." By the lost look on her face, I realized I had been doing it again. "You can't judge a book by it's cover, and that's what I've been doing most of my life?"

"So, then you admit that you're wrong?" Inky tilted her head so her mane fell to the side and she could see me with both eyes.

"I guess I do." I looked back up at her. "Thank you, I think I've figured this out a bit more. Anyways, what's after lunch?"

"We get dragged to empathy class where we talk about our feelings, give each other hugs, lame stuff like that." She practically gagged while she mentioned it, sticking out her tongue. "Everyone in the Equestrian military has to go through it, that way, even if they have to fight, or kill, they have a way to cope with the feelings, so they're not harsh when they go home. It's also supposed to help them understand the way their enemy thinks, which makes the guards better at their jobs."

"And you were laughing because I'm fluffy. Who has the advantage now, hmm?" I was hoping for a laugh. I got a blank stare. 'Tough crowd'

"So, you still haven't told me why you're just, going along with all this." She asked. "I mean, it's boot camp. It's not the most pleasant thing. You could probably just bail on it. It's not like they can keep you here, seeing as how if you leave, you have a whole other country you can go to."

"I came here to get help. If Celestia thinks putting me through boot camp is going to help, then I'll just have to trust her judgement. Not her. She's sneaky. But her judgement is fine. Except when it came to Queen Chrysalis pretending to be Cadence, but hey, nobody's perfect. She's the immortal ruler of a nation who moves celestial bodies with her mind. She can be allowed a mistake once every century or so. Anyways, it's also a chance to learn how the Equestrian military operates, which'll let me make changes to my own."

"Speaking of the changeling queen... can you guess who's our empathy class coordinator?"

"Celestia, you brilliant bitch. Oh, this is gonna be fun!" I practically skipped down the hall towards the next class, before stopping and running back to her. "Right, lunch first, and maybe you should lead the way."

"Why, don't trust me walking behind you?"

"Well, yes. I don't like it when I don't know what people are doing. That and I don't know which way I'm going."

"You really are paranoid, aren't you?"

"Your first clue was?" She didn't reply. She began walking ahead of me, but every couple of steps she'd stop to look over her shoulder at me, to make sure I wasn't doing anything. So, at that point I took to walking beside her.

And I didn't say a thing.

Author's Notes:

I don't know why, but I had a LOT of fun writing this chapter.