Familiar Embrace
Chapter 4: Eternal Echoes
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Eternal Echoes
"Notes, check. Pastime reading material, check. Spike,"
Twilight's amethyst eyes drifted to her left to find a rather groggy-looking Spike, whose own emerald eyes were partly concealed by his heavy eyelids as he tried to snap away from the sleep still lingering in his system threatening to overtake him, and the sky chariot's soft, velvety cushions were proving to be of no help to his meager effort at all.
"check." A nearly imperceptible scribble was heard as Twilight checked off the final box on her checklist, just scant seconds before the pegasi guards pulling the chariot took off from her library's front lawn and steered onto a course leading to Equestria's mountainous capital city, Canterlot.
A large, drowsy yawn at her side drew Twilight's attention once again, and she found Spike looking as sleep-addled as ever looking at her with a questioning gaze that only complemented what he was about to ask.
"Twilight, why do we have to go see the Princess so suddenly?"
The studious mare sighed as she shook her head before repeating herself to Spike once again, "Princess Celestia wants me over at Canterlot so that she can tutor me on sealed teleportation spells during her break from all of her usual bureaucratic duties, Spike."
"Okay, but did we have to take the earliest sky chariot she could send? I mean, come on, we didn't even get to eat breakfast before we left and we won't land for three hours." Spike's complaint was accompanied by a pout as he felt his stomach protest the neglect it was being subjected to.
Twilight zipped her travel bag open before fishing out a nutritious granola bar she had packed for herself and a moderately sized emerald for her whining companion, whom proceeded to gnaw away at the green crystalline treat the second it fell into his claws.
Twilight on the other hoof idly nibbled at her treat as she turned to the nearest window and pulled aside the silky blinds to gaze at the eternal sun rising on the mountainous horizon, a sight that prompted innumerable memories of her youthful days at the castle to rise to the forefront of her mind as a warm smile spread softly on her lips. She hadn't seen her beloved mentor in months due to their respective duties wedging them apart, but the bond they shared never faded away thanks to their frequent correspondence via D-Mail, courtesy of Spike.
That train of thought eventually lead her into the territory of her number one assistant, her lifelong companion. She couldn't help but wonder what had been going on in the head of her draconic assistant those past few days, he had undeniably been put through a rollercoaster of emotions. The night of his rejection had seemingly...broken him, yet the following day he arose just as he did every other morning, never once mentioning the incident with Rarity, and then he seemed elated yesterday for reasons she couldn't even begin to fathom.
'I guess this is just something he needs to sort out on his own. Still, I wish I could do something for him instead of just worrying.'
Spike however was oblivious to anything other than the emerald he was gnawing away at, satisfied with doing nothing but enjoying the slightly sour taste up until he turned around to ask Twilight an idle question, a question that died in his throat as soon as his bright eyes fell upon her pensive form. Through the lucidity tinging his eyes he saw the sparkle of her purely cleansed mane as the dawn's first rays drifted upon it, the early morning's sun naught but a shining halo eclipsed by her lavender expression of serenity. She was the epitome of beauty to his draconic heart, whether she or anyone else came to realize her inner perfection was meaningless for that eternal second, all that mattered was that he finally began to understand.
'Why haven't I ever seen her like this before? Have I been so blind that I refused to see what I have always had in front of me just so that I could chase something I could never have...something I never truly wanted?' Spike let down all of the barriers he had shrouded his fragile mind behind for so long, taking the courageous plunge into what he had feared to face in the past without a single backward glance, and with the confrontation of terror came fruitful liberation for him, 'I'm such an idiot...a heartstruck idiot too naive to deserve anything from her.'
Spike couldn't shake himself away from his revealing introspection, its reach had extended far too deeply into his consciousness to be stopped now, so he went along with the second best thing to do when he couldn't quell his ravenous mind. He draped his blanket over himself and let himself sink into the velvety cushions of the swaying sky chariot, drifting off to a sleep that would offer no sanctuary from the lavender thoughts speeding through his hyperactive mind
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Celestia's sun was already well on its way to reaching its apex in the sky by the time the royal chariot touched down just on the outskirts of the Canterlot Castle, and the bumpy landing was more than enough to rouse Spike from his rejuvenating slumber, much to his subtle disappointment.
Before she could do so herself, the sky chariot's door next to Twilight was opened by one of the many stone-faced Castle Guards, whom simply went on to ask that she gather her belongings before leaving. So, with the aid of her violet magic, the librarian cleared out anything she had brought from the chariot's interior before hopping off of the vehicle, being followed shortly afterward by a wobbly Spike.
The lifelong companions hastily made their way towards the massive gilded doors that marked the entrance to the castle's central reception lobby. The room itself was as elegantly decorated as the building's exterior, emanating an aura of refined aristocracy that wasn't exactly easy to overlook, but even the masterfully crafted decor didn't stop the duo's gaze from lingering on the being settled behind the reception desk.
Their best guess was that it was a pony, but there was no way of achieving absolute certainty due to the individual's interesting choice of clothing. Its body was completely concealed behind a cloak bearing the celestial sun emblem, hiding the wearer's form completely as it draped from head to hoof, and the facial opening seemed to incessantly be shrouded by the shadow it cast.
Twilight nearly had a heart attack when its head snapped up from the forms it was revising with an unnerving speed, staring blankly at the lavender mare before it for scant seconds before moving on to observe the dragon at her side. Something felt abnormally wrong as the deafening silence dominated the room, highlighting the unnatural gaze the cloaked creature cast their way for what seemed like an eternity before it broke the tension with a stiff bow out of respect towards Twilight's acclaimed rank in Canterlot's society.
"Follow me, Lady Sparkle." The cloaked being trotted down a hallway without another word, apparently oblivious to Twilight's protests at being called by her formal title. Twilight tried to bring up some idle chatter with the weird individual leading the way, but her attempts were either ignored or dismissed every single time, so she relented and simply kept quiet as she followed along.
Their small posse came to a halt in front of the Royal Archives' doorway, and the receptionist turned to face the guests of the castle before speaking, "Princess Celestia awaits your appearance within. Tarry no longer than need-be, Lady Sparkle."
With its job done, the intriguing creature hidden behind the cloak trotted back to its post at the castle's entrance without so much as a courteous goodbye, leaving Twilight and Spike to their own duties. With a flash of her horn, the doors to the archives creaked open to reveal the Goddess of the Sun lounging in front of a crackling fireplace, whom cultivated a regally warm smile upon turning to see her precious student and her charge.
"Ah, Twilight, it's so good to see you again."
"The same goes to you, Princess Celestia. It's been far too long, hasn't it?" Twilight trotted up to her mentor to give her a friendly nuzzle, an act that she understood helped her mentor feel less like a ruler and more like a common pony, a friend even.
"Of course it has." Celestia then turned to address the silent dragon watching their little exchange from the background, "And hello to you as well, Spike. You haven't grown up and crushed Ponyville again, have you?"
Spike chuckled at the Princess' rare brand of humor before responding, "Not yet, Princess."
"So, Princess, what is it you would like for us to do first? I've brought over all of my research notes in case we might need them." Twilight was as eager as ever to experience the tutelage of her Solar Ruler once again, letting the excited sparkle of curiosity tint her amethyst eyes.
"It would be best if we started out by reviewing what you have learned so far, don't you agree?" Celestia knew full well the answer she would receive from the lavender unicorn, and her suspicion was only confirmed when she nodded her head as a response.
Spike tried to follow along with what their conversation had evolved into, but his honest effort became a futile one when the phrase "quantum teleportation physics" became the central topic. So, seeing how he was of no use to their little lecture, he was left to wander the seemingly endless aisles of bookshelves that made up the Archives to burn off some of the abundant spare time he had.
The Archives themselves were very much akin to a labyrinth, considering how the extensive corridors comprised of bookshelves seemed to stem off in innumerable directions. In fact, the maze was a structure so massive that Princess Celestia had various maps and checkpoints installed within its reaches after an incident with a griffon embassador losing his way whilst recovering a document. These informative markers, however, were useless to Spike thanks to the extensive time he spent traversing the dimly lit aisles while playing hide-and-seek with Twilight when they were younger.
Spike slapped a claw against his aching forehead as his subconscious unleashed even more of the repressed memories trapped behind the remaining barriers he had set up as a child. They were nothing but lost echoes of indecipherable voices and technicolor blurs that painted a canvas of nonsense, all of them save for one.
Spike's emerald green eyes locked onto what seemed to be an exact copy of himself fading into existence, standing no more than a couple of feet ahead of himself. A closer examination, however, revealed that his "echo" seemed to be semi-transparent and looked much younger than he currently was, a lot like the Spike he had seen in the first memory he recovered.
Spike vaguely recognized the soft tune his echo was humming as it began to make its way down a corridor leading to the Equestrian Tax Laws, and he felt compelled to hum along as he followed the ethereal dragon. Wherever the echo would set foot there would be a faded footprint in the dust waiting there for him that accommodated his tiny feet perfectly, only backing up the conclusion Spike was drawing up in his mind that he was reliving one of his memories in the waking world. Spike nearly bumped into his past self when it suddenly halted its march to turn and go down a dead-end aisle, one that eventually took him and Spike to the section on the griffon/pony trade deficit records from the Pre-Celestial Era.
Simply being in that area of the Archives managed to bore Spike for some odd reason he couldn't understand, but that boredom was eradicated the second his echo grabbed a semi-transparent book from the endless batch and smiled upon opening it before fading away from existence, leaving Spike alone to his machinations in the dimly lit corridor.
With his curiosity reignited, the purple drake scrambled up to the spot he had seen his projection select a book from before he forgot where it was. Waiting for him, stuffed snugly among the economic records of the Discordant Eras, was what seemed to be a journal of some sort.
Spike wasted not but a second to snatch away the intriguing book hidden away next to the boring tomes, immediately noting that it seemed to have been preserved by the immensely intricate spellwork used to enchant the bookshelves, seeing how it had no apparent damage.
"Huh...I wonder what's in here." Spike opened the journal delicately to avoid damaging it in the slightest of forms, skipping ahead to the latest entry. His heart stuttered to a stop as his breath caught in his throat; it was a personal diary, but it wasn't just any old diary, it was his.
Today is the day, Mr. Diary, today I'm finally going to confess to Twilight, and on Hearts and Hooves day no less! I decided to write out my feelings to her since I'd probably start to stutter like I usually do. You know that, right Mr. Diary? Anyway, after today, me and Twilight are finally gonna be together! And then we will get married, and buy our own castle, and go on adventures like we've always wanted to! Well, see you later, I'll tell you all about it when i get back, okay?
Bye Mr. Diary!
That was it. The entries ended there, everything after that was blank, forgotten.
Spike tried to hold back the burning streams of salt running down his cheeks, he tried with all of the might he could summon, but they would not be denied their liberation any longer. One after another, they pattered onto the dust-matted floor, their monotonous pattern a testament to his bleeding heart's overdue suffering. Fate had slapped him across the face with its cruelty, leaving a burning mark that would mar his being for years to come, yet he felt the faintest hints of a smile tugging at his lips. His eyes scanned his latest entry once again, whipping his heart more and more, letting the repressed venom of despair seep out through its wounds as his smile defied his pain.
He hugged the journal to his aching chest, sitting back on his tail as he began to rock back and forth in time with the patter of his tears. He had finally accepted who he had once been, and the sting that came with his freedom went ignored as he sobbed to himself in the dark labyrinth that had gifted him the key to the shackles of repression he had forced upon himself.
Spike arose as a new dragon from the silent depths of the mazelike Archives, his head high and his steps confidant. The diary was freed as well, deftly hidden between two randomly selected books as he approached Twilight and Celestia.
"Twilight, is it okay if I head over to our room? I feel kinda tired and I'd really like to catch some shuteye." Spike's request effectively snapped the duo of intellectual mares out of their lecture, and the sudden silence that followed for a split-second was more than enough to make him feel awkward for interrupting them.
"Go on ahead, Spike, I'll be there as soon as I finish up my lesson with Princess Celestia. Also, don't forget to put those books back from where you got them before you leave." Twilight leaned forward and pulled her lifelong companion into a parting hug as she spoke, a sight that brought a wayward smile to the Solar Goddess' muzzle as she looked on at their familiar display of affection.
"Sure thing, Twilight." Spike wriggled out of the warm physical contact to drop off the random books before sneaking away with the journal still cradled in his claws, "See you later!"
"Bye, Spike!" Twilight's farewell echoed throughout the otherwise silent corridors of the archives as she called out to her charge, whom scurried off to the tower they used to reside in back when they were naught but hyperactive children. The lavender mare turned away from the Archive's entrance only to find her mentor smiling at her with reminiscence painting her bright features.
"Spike's really growing up to be quite the model dragon, isn't he, Twilight?"
"He really is, Princess. Just take yesterday for example; he woke up before me, the early-rising bookworm, just to make us both a nice breakfast." Nostalgia smoothed its way into Twilight's smile as she looked back on the times she had shared with her precious assistant, "He's really been nothing but the best friend I could ever ask for over all of these years."
"I'm glad to hear that you two never drifted apart, it would have crushed me to see such a pure friendship die off."
"Me too, Celestia...me too."
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Lost hopes, forgotten dreams, introspective revelations, every last one of them was compressed into the form of a single journal. Pages upon countless pages were filled to the brim with Spike's deepest and most personal of all secrets, simply waiting for the one responsible for their creation to glance upon their forgotten inscriptions, and his emerald eyes obliged them more than willingly as they scoured page after page of long-lost memories. Photographs of both times new and familiar to him would occasionally accompany one of the private entries, and they all shared one thing in common as they displayed him at his lifelong lavender friend's side; the radiant smile born of heartfelt love blessing his snout. Meticulously designed drawings lined the pages of his personal diary as well, their aesthetically appealing displays almost always depicting Twilight exclusively.
For every entry of past experiences Spike read, a fragment of his fractured mind was restored at long last, piecing together his true personality whilst filling in blanks in his head he had never realized were there in the first place. However, with every joyous memory he managed to recover, nightmares of repressive apprehension managed to snake their way into his subconscious as well, giving birth to the chaotic soul-crusher known as doubt.
That endless source of negativity, however, had barely began its destructive march to the forefront of his mind, where a bout of introspective revelation was taking place. Realization came swiftly to the dragon as the false realities he had created for himself died, understanding that what he felt for the lavender unicorn depicted in his dreams was not a mere crush or an unsubstantial infatuation. This was pure devotion for her, for the way she denied vanity's hold on her ago, for every seemingly worthless act of affection she shared with him, for every second she took out of her life to help those around her; her naive personality struck a chord in Spike's heart that no other had ever struck before.
There was naught but one con he could pin on her, the one thing that crushed him every time he was reminded about its reality, and that was the heart-wrenching fact that she had yet to be his special somepony.
"And she probably never will be." All the happiness Spike had managed to accumulate began to bleed out, slowly dying away as doubt finally found its undeserved place at the forefront of his mind, tearing down everything he had built up.
"I mean, how could she ever love a...sick freak like me? I'm just some messed up dragon...Rarity said it, those three little jerks said it, and I've never even heard about a dragon and a pony actually falling in love with each other." Spike tossed aside his journal as he descended into his self-conscious pit of despair, curling up into a whimpering ball as the painful introspection continued to gnaw away at him, "She'd never see me that way...never accept me as the unnatural freak I am."
'Should I at least give it a shot?' Defiantly spitting in the putrid face of self-doubt arose confidence, cutting through the numbing fog of uncertainty.
'Don't be stupid. She will never come to see you in the same light as you see her.' Spike's fragile mind was split by indecision, one half belonging to aspiring faith while the other was corrupted by the all-consuming doubt.
'How would I know that? I've never tried it before.'
'What, didn't Rarity make it clear to you? She said in her own words that dragons and ponies aren't meant to be together as she rejected you.'
'But this isn't Rarity we're talking about, it's Twilight!'
'Now tell me, what difference does it make? They're both normal ponies, and you're just an abomination of a dragon.'
'You want to know the difference!? The difference is that I ACTUALLY love Twilight, and I won't let my past mistakes hold me back any more! I love her too much to let her go!'
Doubt remained silent, leaving Spike's exhausted conscience to cool down from the heights of righteous devotion it had managed to reach, and the deafening absence of sound was broken only by a dry chuckle the downtrodden half of Spike's mind gave off before it spoke for the last time on that day.
'...Good job kid, now all you have to do is tell her that, face-to-face.'
Spike had won through his perseverance, beating his fears back into the depths of his unexplored ego as the shock of having his own rebellious mind trick him into confessing all that he had learned through his introspection to himself, finally cementing the foundations of what he had already known.
Tired of all the soulsearching pains and experiences that had wracked his recently reconstructed mind on that day, Spike walked over to his fallen journal and hid it underneath the guest bed he would be sleeping on for the night, seeing as how he had managed to forget his trusty basket back at home. He tried to clear the slate of his mind for the night so that he could rest peacefully, but the nagging feeling of insecurity born of the prospect of having to confess refused to leave his conscience at ease.
With a frustrated huff directed at his inability to set aside his ill-conceived insecurities, Spike hopped up onto the lofty bedding Princess Celestia had set up for him and curled up underneath the warm shield provided by his fuzzy blankets, slowly slipping away into the world of dreams...into the hell of nightmares. They came mercilessly, spawned by fears he never knew he had hidden away, lashing out at him with their daunting scenarios. Whether it was Twilight's outright rejection or him becoming an utter outcast of Equestrian society, each and every last twisted figmentation beat him into the ground, fracturing the wavering confidence he was trying to preserve. Fear snaked its way around his neck and put him in a suffocating vice grip, digging its doubtful fangs into his weary heart to pump every last vein in his body to the brim with apprehensive chaos, outright destroying any sense of aspiring faith he once held true.
Spike bolted upright in his damp bed as he was forcefully ripped out of his nightmarish terrors by the sound of the door to the room he and Twilight were staying in being shut. The very mare that had taunted and scolded him naught but seconds ago in the horrific figments he had conjured up in his sleep stood a couple of feet away from him, examining his heavily breathing form as cold droplets traveled down his forehead. Twilight set down her research materials near the door as she made her way over to her precious assistant, lifting a hoof to try and press it against his forehead only for him to recoil away from it before it even managed to touch him, causing a worried frown to creep onto the young mare's expression.
"Is there something wrong, Spike? You've been really jumpy lately, and you're not nearly as talkative as you usually are either." Twilight's amethyst eyes peered into the deeply conflicted emerald pools of the reserved dragon, compassionate care tinging her tone as she spoke, "You know that you can talk to me about anything you might have on your mind, right?"
"Uhm, n-no, Twilight, there's nothing wrong." Spike's feeble attempt at deception was easily recognized by the librarian, whom went on to fix him with a commanding stare that refused to cross the border into being considered oppressive.
"Spike...don't you trust me?" Her words dug deeply into the drake's heart as it churned with guilt; the "trust" card always managed to cut through anything he could try and shield himself with, "You're not even willing to give me a chance to try and help you?"
"N-no, Twilight! It's nothing like that, I swear!" Desperation laced his losing tone as the walls his fear had established began to crumble under the force of her desire to selflessly assist him.
"Then why are you trying to hide what's been troubling you all of this time instead of letting me be there for you? Please, Spike, I love you too much to just stand by and watch you suffer like this." Twilight could feel her sparkling eyes beginning to burn as tears of silent desperation threatened to escape their prison as she let one of her forehooves rest on his shoulder, looking at him straight in his trembling eyes.
Her empathetic words echoed in Spike's mind, drifting down to the darkest reaches of his subconscious mind, banishing the reluctance stopping him from expressing what his fears told him to repress. He tossed aside his insecurities, ignored the tainted begging his cowardice threw his way, and slapped doubt across the face as he finally gave up his resistance for a moment and asked the one question that had been the sole reason for the damage that had been done to his mind over the last couple of days.
"Twilight," Spike could feel the all too familiar sting of fresh tears burning his shaking eyes as the age-old pain that had been allowed to fester withing his subconscious mind finally found a way out, paving the way for the one question responsible for the misery he had been forced to live with for most of his oblivious life, "am I a...f-freak for loving a p-pony?"
Shock tainted the realization burning brightly in Twilight's wide eyes as she finally understood his burden, and she wasted no time before lunging forward and enveloping Spike in her warm embrace, trying to purge him of his grief by nuzzling against his smooth scales, "Spike...don't you ever dare so much as think that you're weird because of your emotions. You're just different, it could happen to anyone else."
"B-but Rarity said that everyone was taught that loving another species is w-wrong and that it could never happen, that it's just not natural." Once opened, the floodgates that had held back Spike's dreading questions could not be sealed again, revealing everything he had hidden within himself to Twilight, everything but his confession.
"Don't listen to her, Spike, don't try and hide who you are just because somebody else doesn't agree with a part of you. How would Rarity know anything about what is right and wrong? How could she be sure that her way of seeing things is the only possible way." Twilight ignored the newly arisen anger beginning to build in the back of her head so that she could remain purely focused on the tearful dragon nuzzling against her quickly moistening chest. Try as she might, however, Twilight couldn't have hoped to expect what Spike was about to ask her.
"How can you be sure, Twilight? Would you have done things differently if a dragon who treated you as if you were the best thing to ever come into his life asked you to love him back?" He couldn't help himself, he couldn't stop the vague confession from slipping past his lips as the slated rivers continued to slither down his cheeks, and he absolutely couldn't put together the peace of mind to even care about the mistake he had just committed as he let himself be consumed by the moment.
Twilight froze up as Spike's question rang incessantly within the unexplored depths of her vast mind, stirring up jumbled blurs and distorted voices incomprehensible to her waking conscience, all of which shared a sense of past familiarity. Thoughts she hadn't known she had sprang to the forefront of her mind as an influx of indescribable sensations coursed through her still body. The lines she spoke next were not meticulous inventions of her ingenious head, but raw creations of her virgin heart.
"Spike...I'd love him for who he is, regardless of what he is. I'd let him know just how much I love him everyday, and tell him I'll dream with him every night. And, most importantly of all, regardless of whatever tries to stand between us, I'd never leave his side as long as he wants me to be there for him."
Spike's emerald eyes slowly climbed the warm chest of his lavender love to meet her own amethyst gems and lock with them, a contact beyond the physical that drove his beating heart mad as it pumped furiously in his own chest. He wanted shout out of joy at her acceptance of his unnatural way, but he simply couldn't bring himself to break the thick silence between them as their shared trance stretched on. Neither one of the lifelong companions knew what they were doing in that single moment of lucidity as they began to close the distance between them, letting their desires dictate their actions for once in their orderly lives.
'Is this really happening? N-no, I'm dreaming again, there is no way Twilight would eve-'
Spike's denial-laced doubts were all wiped away from existence as Twilight's soft lips met his own in an act of intimacy neither had come to share before, letting their wide eyes drift shut as they let the alien bliss snuff out their tedious worries. It was no display of infatuate lust or pitiful desperation; it was a pure share of affection both had yearned for longer than they could hope to remember. It was an act that felt as gentle as the finest pegasus down bits could afford, warm like a crackling fireplace on a cold Hearthwarming's Eve, and it refused to allow Spike to be dragged back down into the depths of doubtful reluctance as it comforted him with its embrace; each and every euphoric trait letting the content drake know that it was Twilight he was sharing that special moment with, just like they had shared many others under a different light.
Blissful silence filled the wordless void as the lifetime companions separated from their unfamiliar union, their shining eyes speaking the words neither the dragon nor the mare could bring themselves to say. The only sound that dared disturb their quiet shelter was the rustling of warm bed sheets as Twilight settled in next to her lifelong companion and newfound lover, wrapping her forelegs around him as she pulled him up against her tenderly beating chest, the constant lullaby of her heart paving the way to the Dreamscape as their eyes drifted to a close.
"I love you, Twilight."
His simple confession was unnecessary, for their actions had already spoken of their new union, but it had been denied its expression for far too long. Twilight's head ached painlessly somehow as it was pushed to the limit with alien emotions she had never come to acknowledge before, and although she spoke without meaning to, she could never bring herself to regret what she had said.
"I love you too, Spike."
And that was it, the night's embrace could be denied its newest charges no longer, and so the mare and the dragon slipped into the liberation of their dreams. Twilight, however, remained true to her word as she delved into memories of times long gone to view her past with her lifelong companion in an entirely new perspective.
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A horrendous cackle pierced the night's fresh silence just beyond the pane of glass overlooking the new couple's bedroom as they slept, its ear-grating malice unheard by all but its creator. A being astride a grey cloud and hidden behind a flowing celestial cloak being rustled by the nighttime gusts let its freshly used camera swing on its neck as a devious grin born of unbound malevolence spread its cracked lips.
"Now this is a glamour shot."