Dear Journal,

I’ve been thinking a lot about Close’s advice these past couple of weeks. I’ve decided that I need a hobby. I spend too much time working. Now, I don’t mean time I spend with clients, that usually comes down to less than a dozen hours a week. I mean all the research and grooming and tidying and exercising I do in preparation.

Not that I shouldn’t be doing all of that. I definitely need to stay in shape. My body is a temple… and my chief source of income, so it needs maintenance, and grooming. My place needs to be tidy for guests too, so I can’t exactly stop that, either. And research? Well… I might spend a bit too much time trying to have conversation topics prepared… especially when half the time I don’t even get the chance to use them.

But, no, what I mean is... I need… something else. I need something I can do that really gets my mind off of work and... honestly I dunno. But ever since I talked to Close I feel like something’s missing. I mean... right now, I really don’t have much going for me aside from my job. I’ve been trying a few things out, to be honest.

I came across an old mystery novel while I was tidying my books. It was… fine… I guess… not really all that interesting to be honest. It’s just not my thing, apparently. I have a little wooden chess set lying around. I played a few practice games against myself. I think if I want to play any sort of game I need someone to play with, because that was boring as hell. I even tried my hoof at origami… Clearly a practice designed by a species gifted with something more that hooves. Needless to say my garbage can is currently filled with a horrid mess of crumpled paper.

I guess… I guess I don’t really know what I like… I’ve never really had this much free time. I mean, not since I was a kid, and I’m sure as hell not going to start doing… well anything I used to do, really. Thinking on it I was really a horrible little urchin. I still can’t believe how much I used to do. Stealing… tagging… pranking cops… I was a little shit, quite frankly. All up until I got that job at the stable, really.

And there I fucking go writing shit down without realizing again! That shit’s only gotten worse! In Derpy’s last couple of visits I’ve mentioned both the stable, and my father. In one session with an every-now-and-then, she asked me off-hoof about that scar behind my ear. I... I almost told her. I actually considered telling her. I just… just… I don’t even know.

It’s like… it’s like I’m… unraveling. Like all the work I put into being… Guilty is just… coming undone. Like all the pomp, illusion and effort I put into my persona is just… giving way… and soon all that’s going to be left is... what? I’ve been Guilty Pleasure for a long time now. What happens if I let something big slip? What happens if everyone finds out all about me? What happens if I start breaking down in the shower more? Even worse, what happens if I break down mid-session?

Not that I actually think it’s going to get that far… I’m just… worrying.

I just… I don’t know how to be anyone else anymore. Guilty Pleasure used to be a mask… an act… an… an avatar. But now… I haven’t been that little bastard that used to steal and fuck around Manehattan just to avoid going home for, how long now?

Holy shit…

I’ve been Guilty Pleasure for ten years.

Where does the time go?

Anyways… my point is… My point is I don’t feel like I know how to have fun… I don’t even know what I find fun anymore.

That said, I got some very good advice about fun today, from someone I was not expecting. Maybe it will help.

When I got up this morning I was expecting another day free of clients. I had nopony scheduled to come in, and was… well… working out. Squats and sit-ups: building muscle mass. Now muscle mass isn’t terribly helpful in the bedroom past a certain point. I mean, it’s not like I have to bench press girls. That said, an Escort is expected to be... well... sexy; and muscles are sexy. I was a pretty lanky kid. So, I have to work to keep a good figure. I don’t go overboard... I really only work enough to keep myself from looking like a twig.

Anyways I was mid-squat when I got a knock at the door. As I mentioned I had not clients scheduled for that day… so I was thrown for a bit of a loop. ‘Is this a client? I didn’t have anything in my planner today. Did somepony come out all this way without writing first? That never happens!’

Rather than get up and answer, I opted to just call out from my spot on the floor of my foyer. “H-Hello?”

“Hi Guilty. Are you home?” The voice form the other side of the door was… so familiar. I could almost place it.

“If I wasn’t home, how could I answer?”

“Oops! Silly me,” she giggled. It was so… bubbly and cute and… lively, that voice.

“Hold on, just let me… *grunt*… get up.” I was sweating hard from my workout, no chance of making myself nice and neat this time. No time for pants, even. I grabbed towel, though... to take care of the sweat.

I dried myself off as best I could and caught my breath before I opened the door.

“Hello, how can I…. oh….” I was shocked to say the least. I honestly never thought I’d see her again. “Pinky, right?”

“Yup! And you’re Guilty!” It wasn’t a question.

“Yes… Yes I am. Can I… help you?” I was still wrapping my head about the whole situation. After my little… outburst in her shop, I figured I was the last person she’d want to see. But she was here… and clearly happy. Dear Princess was she happy.

“Uh-huh! I’m here to deliver a letter!” She produced a letter from her person. I’m… I’m honestly not sure where exactly she pulled it from, to be honest, but she hoofed it to me nonetheless. It was a pink envelope, sealed with a little yellow balloon sticker. When I opened the letter a tiny burst of confetti shot out at my face; Pinkie just giggled. I pulled out the letter itself, and unfolded it.

The letter itself read:

Dear Guilty,

I’m bringing you this letter to make an appointment for right this second!

Signed,

Pinkamena Diane Pie

I did my best to keep my jaw from dangling. “An appointment? Right now?”

“Yes indeedy!” She just stood expectantly right outside my house. Waiting for an invite inside.

To be honest I wasn’t prepared at all. I had no music playing, I was sweaty, I didn’t even have pants on. Even still, I really saw this as an opportunity. A chance to get on good terms with a potential repeat client.

And honestly... why the hell not?

“Come on in Pinkie, just… just let me shower off first.”

“Okie dokie lokie!”

I let her in, and poured her a glass of water before heading upstairs for a quick shower. I rinsed off lighting fast and met back up with pinkie downstairs. She was busy investigating every little knick-knack and whatnot in my foyer. I noticed that there were now some saddlebags lying by my front door… which is odd, because I don’t think she had them when she came in. “Sorry about that, you just caught me in the middle of a workout.”

“No pro-blemmo.” She just beamed at me as I came down the stairs.

‘This one never stops smiling does she?’

“Anyways, have a seat and we’ll begin.”

As… energetic as Pinkie was, I decided not to make tea, she hadn’t touched her water, anyways.

“So, uh… first question, is it okay if I call you Pinkie?”

“Well of course silly, what else would you call me? Pinkamena is too long, and sounds all boring.” ‘Fair enough’

“Very well. Now, secondly…” I was way out of my element… I wasn’t in character quite yet… I’d have to ease into it so she wouldn’t get suspicious. “...there is, of course, the matter of payment.”

“Oh, don’t you worry about that… I’ve got LOADS of savings and stuff.” Quick as a whip, she rushed over to her bags by the door, and came back with a handful of bits, which she swiftly hoofed to me. “Here’s forty, that’s two hours right?”

“Uh, why yes… yes it is.” This mare was more prepared than I was. I put the bits aside and continued with my inquiry. “Okay, next, how did you hear about me?”

“Oh, well that’s easy. After that whole mess in Sugar Cube Corner, which I am SO SORRY about by the way, I told my friends about what happened with Applejack… I mean not ALL my friends, that would have taken forever, I mean I know EVERYPONY in Ponyville after all. Can you imagine? But anyways, after I talked to SOME of my friends about it, just my really really really close ones, Rarity was all ’*GAAASSP*’ and asked if you were okay, and I told her you were fine, but I wasn’t sure where you lived, so I couldn’t check, but then it turned out RARITY actually knew where you live and she told me and I said ‘Oh ok I’ll go pay him a visit!’ But then Rarity was all… ‘Pinkie, Guilty might be with with client or whatever, you should make an appointment. So I said I would, and then SHE said I should write you a letter first to make an appointment, and I said ok, but what am I making an appointment for, and then she said you were an escort and I asked what that was, and SHE said it meant you go on pretend dates, and I said that was silly, and then I realized that meant I get to have SEX with you, and I asked how much is cost and she told me twenty bits an hour and then I wrote the letter and got the bits and came HERE!”

“Uh… okay then… thank you for that.... regaling. Wait a second, that whole fight was two weeks ago, what took so long?”

“I couldn’t find my stationary!” She exclaimed cheerily.

“Well I guess that explains that, then.” ‘This mare is something else.’ “So that brings me to my last and most important question… what can I do for you?”

“W-well…” For the first time since I’ve met her, she suddenly didn’t have a giant smile on her face and all the confidence in the world. She was embarrassed... slightly. “…well that’s… complicated.”

“How so?” Finally I felt like I was catching up to this girl. I finally had a little bit of a traction in the conversation.

“There’s this… thing… I want to try, and I’ve never actually… gotten to do it...” She was twiddling her hooves together, she was getting uncomfortable. “...because… I’ve never actually asked anyone if they want to.” She was beat red, staring down at the floor.

“No need to be embarrassed, Pinkie. What is it you’d like to do?”

“I want… I… Oh look at the time, I should get going, I have a thing I have to –“

“Pinkie… I’ve done just about everything you could think of. So please, just tell me what it is you’d like to do?”

She calmed down a bit, clients with odd tastes like to feel like they’re not the only ones with them… luckily they usually aren’t. “I… how about I just show you?”

“Okay.” I smiled my hunky smile… I was back in character at last… her being a little bit embarrassed put me back in my comfort zone to be honest… I’m used to comforting mares.

She trotted over to her saddlebags and brought them over to the table. She reached inside and produce a number of foodstuffs. She had whipped cream… three kinds of frosting… chocolate and caramel sauces… some strawberries… cherries… honey… and sprinkles. Once all of the food was laid out on the table she started ranting again.

“Okay, so when Rarity told me that you have sex for bits I kinda sorta hoped I might be able to try this thing I’ve always been too embarrassed to ask one of my boyfriends or girlfriends to do, even though I’ve always really liked the idea.”

“And that is?” I was fairly certain I knew, but I wanted to be sure… plus I wanted her to be the one to put the idea out there… It forces a client to get over their fears a little.

“I want… I want to eat off of you… while we do it. And I want you to eat off of me too.” She looked… unsure... shy... she’d steeled herself. She was waiting for me to call her weird, tell her it was a stupid idea, tell it was too freaky.

Honestly, the way she hyped it up I was expecting something… extreme.

“Is… is that all?” I’ve done so much freaky shit that food-play doesn’t even show up as a blip on my sonar.

“Huh?” She was flabbergasted.

“Well don’t get me wrong… I just… I thought you were so embarrassed because it was going to be something… weird.”

“Wha? Bu- that’s plenty weird!” She sounded sort of… offended?

“Don’t get me wrong, I mean… sure it’s unusual as far as kinks go, but… that’s not really that… shocking. You had me expecting something… extreme, I dunno.”

“So… so it’s really okay?”

“Of course… It sounds like fun.” Honestly it did… food-play is fun. I mean… eating is already something very… intimate… in its own way, and combining it with sex is very, well, pleasurable.

“So… I only have a couple rules before we start.” I began.

“Okie dokie lokie!” I started collecting our… toppings. She was already back to her bubbly energetic self. Practically bouncing as I led her to the bedroom.

“The first one is very important for both of us. If either one of us… at any point… says to stop… we both stop, no exceptions.” I explained.

“Gotcha!”

“And the second one is very important to me. At no point, may you ever kiss me on the lips.”

“Really? Aaaaw… smooching is so fun though!” She was disappointed, but not too much.

“It’s my only taboo… and I’m going to have to ask you to respect that.” Being clear in what is allowed and not allowed is very important as an escort. Hell, in any sexual relationship.

“Fine fine fine, I gotcha… OOOOH!”

She lit up at the sight of the bedroom, her eyes darting every which way and that. She buzzed all over the room, asking questions the whole way.

“OOOH OOOH, What in this bottle? Smells like lemons… mmmmmmm. OOOH, What in this chest?- *GASP* It’s so BIG! And Knobbly! OOOH, what are these books? OOOH, they’re full of sexy pictures. How does she bend like that? That looks like it would hurt. What scent are these candles they smell good. What in this chest? … I don’t even know what this is… it looks scary.”

“Uh… in order… That’s my favorite lubricant, honey lemon oil… that chest is filled with assorted toys... the big ones. That’s a copy of A new way every day: 365 positions for his and her pleasure. I have no idea how she bends like that. The candles are Nag Champa, I have no idea what that is, but yes… it smells good. And that…” I pointed to the twisted assortment of leather straps and metal in Pinkie’s hoof “…is a dental gag. It keeps your mouth open.”

“Neat-o! Can we try it out?” She was already trying to figure out how to put it on.

“I… think that would be a little… counter-productive.”

“Oh yeah, huh?” She tossed the gag back into its trunk and unceremoniously shut the lid.

I walked over to my potion trunk, and pulled out a blue phail.

“What’s that?”

“Birth control potion.” I downed it quickly. Not matter how many of those I drink, I will never get use to the flavor.

“Oh, so you don’t get my eggo all prego.” She nodded to herself.

“Um… yes?” I knew what she meant, I just… I’ve never heard it put that way.

I sat down on the bed. “So… how would you like to do this?”

“I have no Idea.” She was smiling when she said that. It was cute.

“Well, then do you mind if I take the lead?”

“Go for it, Guilty.”

I happily obliged. I started with the chocolate sauce. I squeezed out a generous dollop into my hoof. “Well then, why don’t we start… here.” I brought my candied hoof down between my legs, and began pleasuring myself. Each slow stroke made me harder and chocolatier. I pumped up and down my length, coating myself is the sweet syrup. Pinkie just watched me… for once, having nothing to say. Eventually my sugary stallionhood was throbbing, and Pinkie was actually drooling. “Look good enough to eat?”

“Uh-huh,” was all she could muster. She was transfixed on me. Her eyes following my hoof’s every movement.

I slid myself to the very edge of the bed, and presented myself to her. “Want a taste?”

She didn’t even answer, she just dove onto my cock. In one swift motion the entirety of my flesh was in her mouth, and she was eagerly sucking all the sauce off of it. ‘No gag reflex… holy fuck she’s good.’ She was taking me like a champ… honestly I’m not the… biggest guy out there, but still, it was impressive. She wasn’t just good, she knew what she was doing… she could’ve made me climax right then and there, but she kept me teetering on the edge, right up until she popped me out of her mouth.

Pinkie brought a hoof to my chest, pushed me back onto the bed and climbed on top of me. Her face… she was like a mare possessed. So much energy, and not her seemingly usual hyperactive energy. Just... raw intensity. This mare really got into it. She was breathing heavily… almost trembling. I could tell she was just so… excited. She quickly scooped up the foodstuffs form the floor and put them all in hoof’s reach. She grabbed the caramel sauce, and gave me a another vigorous coating. She’s great with her hooves too. Not to be rude, but I think this girl’s been around the block a few times… she must have to be this good.

Anyways after I was all candied up, she started another round of oral. Almost better than the first round. It was quickly becoming clear to me that once Pinkie got going, she liked to be in charge… which made things easy for me. After the caramel, she grabbed the honey… wanted to try my dick in every flavor apparently. (I’m sorry I wrote that.) She twirled around on the bed, and parked her hindquarters right on top of my face as she coated me once more.

Ok so… I think I’ve already written that giving head to a mare is my favorite thing in the world. But my favorite way to give head is face-sitting. I just… I really really love it when a girl sits on my face. It’s just… I can’t even explain… how much I enjoy that. And Pinkie’s ass was just so… big and… soft. So I couldn’t exactly pass up this opportunity now could I?

I reached a hoof out and grabbed the first food I found, which turned out to be the chocolate sauce again. I once more applied a large helping of liquid candy to my hoof and rubbed it all over her lady parts. She was already… sopping wet. We’d only just started but she was ready and raring to go. She didn’t say anything as I coated her either either, she was completely focused on coating me in honey.

Only after I started using my tongue did she say anything. “Oh… GUILTY… you’re… hehe … good… at that.”

‘So are you.’

She once more started sucking the delicious sweetness off of me as I licked all the chocolate out of her.

I would just like to say that I feel the sixty-nine is under rated. It’s a very simple position, yes, but it also happens to be completely amazing. Getting head is awesome… giving head is awesome… what’s not to love?

I came a while before she did. She pulled me WAY over the edge with that mouth of hers. Rarity may have some competition. “Mmmmm, Honey and come are good together.” I wasn’t exactly inclined to believe her, but hey, who was I to judge, I was busy enjoying chocolate mare.

She just straddled me while I finished her off (which honestly took a while) and boy was it loud. “OH GUIIIILTYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!” She positively shrieked.

She collapsed backwards, falling above my head. My mouth was all sweat and chocolate and mare… honestly not a bad combination, in a sort of bizarre way. I was content to just lie there, while Pinkie and I recovered. Something was bothering me though.

I was having fun.

And honestly that just pissed me off. ‘THIS is what I find fun… Sex… why can’t I find something ELSE fun? Something that isn’t my JOB? Why is it that I can’t have fun unless I’m with a mare?’ Pinkie’s pleasure soaked words pulled me out of my moping. I was just happy that she couldn’t see the scowl that had formed on my face from her position.

“That was…*huff*... you’re*huff*… I had… *huff*… awesome.”

“Having trouble with your sentences, there?” I laughed.

“Uh huh… *huff*… trouble… yeah.”

“You okay?”

“Yeah... *huff*...Pinkie… *huff*… keen.”

I rolled around to face her. She was sprawled out on her back… chest rising and falling as she gasped for air. She sat up, she looked hilarious to be honest… a face covered in all manner of sticky sweet, and a great big chocolate spot on her crotch. She bounced slightly on the mattress, testing it.

“Is this… is this bed a cloud?” she asked.

“Yeah, it is… you can tell?”

“Uh huh.”

“Normally only Pegasi know what it is.”

“Huh… well, I’ve walked on clouds before, so… I can tell.”

“You have?” That was interesting.

“Yup… my friend Twilight… she can cast a cloud-walking spell.”

‘Twilight can do that?… oh yeah, she actually mentioned that.’

“That’s cool,” I said.

“You bet it is… lie back on your back”

“Sure.” I complied. I just closed my eyes and let pinkie do as she liked. I have actually don’t have that many clients that like to take charge in bed, so it’s nice that Pinkie does. I heard the whipped cream can shake, and soon It was being used to coat my chest. I also felt a few things drizzling over me as well. “Turning me into a sundae?”

“Hehe, kinda.” For a few minutes I just waited while Pinkie decorated me like a cake. I mean really decorating me, whipped cream and strawberries and chocolate sauce, all with a cherry on top. It was… really sort of elaborate.

“Wow… you’re good at that.”

“Well I don’t work in a bakery for nothing.” Once she was done she hoisted herself above me once more, this time facing me, her hips above my already at-attention self. She eased her way down onto my shaft. The look on her face was priceless. Such a gigantic smile, her whole body quivering in pleasure. She was in heaven. I was enjoying myself but honestly not nearly as much as she clearly was. The warmth of her sex enveloped me as she bounced herself up and down on me. Soon she was licking up the toppings on my chest as she rocked back and forth on top of me, her tongue collecting up dollops of Whipped cream, scooping up strawberries, and lapping all the chocolate off of my chest.

I felt like I wasn’t really contributing, but hey, she was happy. Through all the pleasure, and sweating, and panting, and bouncing, and smacking lips, and slithering tongue, she managed to get a few words out. “This…*huff*…is so… *huff*… fun…*huff*… hehehe!” Eventually my chest was clean of any food, and pinkie was just licking at my coat. I don’t think she really noticed; she was too busy fucking herself silly on my rod.

Eventually she stopped licking me. She just clung to me as she gyrated her hips, panting into my chest, hooves wrapped around my shoulders. After several minutes she came. Her back didn’t arch and she didn’t scream this time. She just… clung to me… really tight as her hips quivered.

She just went limp after that, slumped on top of me her face buried into my chest. After a moment or two, I hazarded a question. “You, uh… you okay Pinkie?”

“Yes…*huff*… in… *huff*… deedy…” She weakly struggled to roll herself off of me. After a little help from me she managed to roll onto her back beside me.

“Do you want to keep going?” She was exhausted, but I hadn’t really done much, so… I was still fine.

“Nnnnno. I think I’m…*huff*…good…*huff*… you?”

“I’m fine, Pinkie… Did you enjoy yourself?” I turned my head to face her.

“What do… *huff*… you think?” She just stared off into the ceiling.

“I think you had a ton of fun.”

“Uh huh...*huff*…you…*huff*…you want me to…*huff*… finish you off?…*huff*…I don’t wanna…*huff*… blue ball ya.” She giggled at the phrase ‘blueball’

“No, I’m fine, Pinkie… thank you for offering though.”

“No…*huff*…prob.” At last she turned to face me. “and thank...*huff*... you Guilty.”

“It’s what I do. Besides, no thanks are necessary, it is my job afterall.”

“Okie dokie lokie.” She giggled. “Anyways… I need to get going.”

‘What? She only just got here!’ “Where are you off to so soon? You paid for two hours; it’s been… 40 minutes, tops.” I feigned a tiny bit of hurt.

“Oh, I’ve got… lots to do today. I have to write up invitations, and I need to bake three cakes by tomorrow, and I still need to buy… eight presents this week… lots of birthdays coming up. Also I need to go give Gummy a bath, and sweep upstairs, and I need to get most of this done by six tonight, because the Cakes are having dinner out, and I’m watching the kids.” She was ranting again… but not the same, cheery, hyper ranting as before. She was… annoyed… tired. She didn’t really want to do any of that. I decided, then, that I was going to try and convince her to get out of as much of that as possible.

“Well before that… Why don’t we get cleaned up, hmmm?”

“Oh…yeah… hehe… almost forgot.” She looked down at her coat, which was caked with a fair amount of cream and sauce… not to mention, she still had a chocolate crotch. I was even messier than she was, I was sticky all over. The sheets though, they were a horrid mess. Brown and white and red everywhere... I was a little worried the chocolate might not wash out. (Don’t worry it did in the end.)

“Why don’t you head, uh, past the foyer… up the stairs, and the first door on the right, is the bathroom. Hop in the shower…I’ll join you once I’m done down here.”

“Sounds good.” She smiled, scrambled off the bed and started bouncing her way out of the bedroom.

I quickly gathered up the sheets tossed them in the washing machine and ran it. I made my way upstairs after her… she was excitedly perusing my assorted soaps and shampoos when I arrived.

“Wowwie! I’ve never seen this many showery thingies except at Rarity’s!”

“Haha, yeah… well take your pick, they’re there for you after all.” I slipped into the shower, only to find the water freezing. I yelped in surprise. “HAH! Brrr… You, uh… you take cold showers?”

“Uh-huh! They’re super good for you!” She grabbed up a bottle of shower gel and started lather up her coat.

“Huh…I do that too… actually.” I helped myself to dollop of soap as well. “Soooo… was that everything you hoped it would be?”

“…Not everything…”

‘What!?’ “No? Is something wrong?”

She perked up. “What!? Oh nononono nothing’s wrong, it was amazing and awesome and super-fun, and delicious. It’s just…”

Now, instinct here told me that I’d done something wrong, and part of me wanted to question her until I’d figured out what I did. That is a habit you lose quickly as an escort. If a client wants you to do something, telling you is their job. Plus you can come off as pretty weird if you start to interrogate the client. So for the time being… I just stayed silent.

“I really wished I could’ve like… shared food with you… I mean, like kissing-eating. But since you said we couldn’t…”

“Ah… I see. Well I’m sorry to disappoint you Pinkie, but for that, you’re going to have to find yourself a boy or girl who shares your tastes… *hmph*… literally and figuratively.” I smiled at my own joke.

“Hehe… yeah”

The two of us shivered together, scrubbing ourselves.

“So do you, like, throw a party for everypony in town? Because that’s got to be a hassle.”

“No, not everypony… but I do bake everypony a cake and buy everypony a gift… I have to, I’m the party pony afterall.”

“Doesn’t that get… tiresome?”

“…sometimes….”

“Well, why don’t you take a break?”

“No time... *humph*... I’m not sure I know how to take a break, anyways.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah it’s like… I don’t know how to not be doing something. I get wiggy if my schedule is empty.”

‘That’s like my problem backwards'
.’

“… I’m always cheery and smiley for everyone, because I love making my friends smile. But sometimes… I dunno.”

“Sometimes you just want to drop it all?”

“…sometimes…”

“So why don’t you?”

“I don’t want to let anypony down!” She was so serious about it.

“I understand… but it honestly sounds like you need a personal day.”

“I take days like that… sometimes I go swimming with Rainbow Dash, or go to the Spa with Rarity, or take care of animals with Fluttershy, or help Applej-” She stopped herself short.

“Hmmm?”

“Nothing… just… I do take personal days.”

I made no attempt to hide my doubt. “To be honest those don’t really sound like personal days.”

“How so?”

“Well I mean, those don’t really sound like days to yourself.” She just cocked her head at me. “I mean like… when’s the last time you spent a whole day relaxing?”

“Ugh… that sounds boring… even Rainbow Dash doesn’t do that… and she naps more than anypony I know. I’ve never done that.”

“Well when’s the last time you took just an afternoon to yourself… just sat down and read a book, drank a cup of tea, just… relaxed.”

“Not since… ever.”

“Well would you like to?”

“You mean right now?”

“Yeah…” I turned my spigot, and the shower died down to drips “… look Pinkie, you paid for two hours… why not take advantage of that? We can just… sit… relax… I’ll put on some music. You don’t have to worry about… anything."

“That sounds...” I’m not sure she really realized how much she actually wanted to just… relax… until I brought it up. “…really really really nice.” She looked so… relieved… is really the only word for it.

“Then, why don’t we dry off and head downstairs?”

“O-okay.” So, the two of us hopped out of the shower, rubbed ourselves dry, and trotted back to my foyer. I put on a batch of Chamomile, something to relax and soothe. Pinkie sat at my table, twiddling her hooves.

“So… how do we do this?”

“We already are… we can talk, or we can just sit… the tea will be ready soon, too.”

“What do we talk about?”

“Anything you like.”

“…I dunno... How are you doing lately, Guilty?” She offered, unsure. She was just looking for anything at all to ask. Luckily, small talk comes easily to me.

“I’ve been better, to be honest.” That’s a little trick I use when I need to get a conversation rolling… because any decent pony will want to ask what’s wrong… and then I’ve got a response to that. It works most of the time. This time was no exception.

“What’s the matter?”

“Well… I dunno… I just… I’m trying to find a hobby, actually… and… I’m just not having much luck.”

“Aaaaw, that’s no fun… have you tried water skiing? Or maybe skydiving?”

“Uuuh, I’m look for something a little more… indoorsy.”

“That’s no good,” she stated very matter-of-factly.

My face curled in confusion “Why’s that?”

“You work indoors… you need to get outdoors if you wanna have fun, duh. You should hike.” She said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“Well… It’s worth a shot. Thanks Pinkie.” I was happy for any direction in my quest for fun, quite frankly.

“Yeah, it’s easy too… just grab a friend and start walking.”

“Can’t say I’ve got a friend to go with, Pinkie.” I chuckled, I was just trying to be funny.

Pinkie, however, was not pleased. “WHAT?!” She stood up immediately. “How can you have no friends? That’s just… I don’t even… I need a moment.” She cradled her head in her hooves.

“Uhhh... sorry. You okay Pinkie?”

“Yeah yeah, it’s just… you really have no friends?”

“Well…” ‘What’s the harm… it’s not telling her much…’ “I have a friend back in Manemattan… that’s about it.” ‘Does Derpy count?’ “Maybe… maybe I’ve got a friend in Ponyville.”

“Well… first of all… I’m your friend, Guilty.” She smiled at me comfortingly. ‘When did this become Guilty’s pity party?’ “and second… you need more friends.”

“And how am I supposed to make friends in town Pinkie, you’ve seen how some ponies treat me for just… going about my business. Everyone knows who I am… and with the exception of a few… they avoid me like the plague.”

“Well what about your clients?”

“They avoid me just as much, if not more so... that and… they’re just… clients… I can’t let myself get too attached.”

It was then that Pinkie asked me a question that I had never really asked myself. “Why not?”

I opened my mouth to answer… only to find I didn’t really have one. I’d been told a lot, back in the stable, that you never get personal with a client. I got told it only brings trouble, but I never really had a concrete reason why that was. After a bit of figuring, I had something that resembled an answer. “Because… I don’t want to give somepony the wrong idea I guess…”

“How do you mean?”

“Well like… if I start meeting a client regularly… how long before they start asking for freebies.”

“Okay, so maybe that does happen… but you can just say no… I don’t hand out free cake to my friends.” I opened my mouth to say something. “Birthdays don’t count.” She stuck her tongue out at me, and I promptly shut my gab.

“Okay, so maybe I say no… what if they don’t want anything to do with me after that.”

“That’s easy… if they do that, they were never your friend in the first place… you go find someone else.” ‘It can’t be that simple can it?’

My face couldn’t help but twist into a frown. “Okay… so all that aside… how am I supposed to ask someone… just in the middle of a session ask… ‘Hey do you wanna go hiking?’”

“I dunno… figure it out, silly.” She smiled… and the kettle started whistling.

“I’ll get that… wait right here.”

I quickly made for the kettle.

‘Ugh… what am I doing… desperately asking a client for advice on having fun? C’mon, you’re supposed to be helping her relax… get it together Guilty.’

After my little internal pep talk, I made my way back to Pinkie.

“Here you go… a nice hot cup of chamomile.” I put placed her mug in front of her, and took my seat once more.

“I dunno… how’s caffeine supposed to help me relax?” She sniffed her tea curiously.

“Actually chamomile isn’t really tea… no caffeine.” I grinned and took a nice big sip… it was good. Pinkie took a sip as well… she seemed satisfied enough. For a long while we just sat… and drank. Pinkie seemed pleased… not quite relaxed all the way, but… getting there. She was staring intently into her tea.

It was almost perfect… I realized I had forgotten the music once more, but something told me Pinkie wouldn’t be that wild about classical anyways… call it a hunch.

“I’m sorry… by the way.” Pinkie broke the silence.

I wasn’t quite sure what she was apologizing for, to be honest. “Uh… apology accepted, I guess… but… what do you have to apologize for?”

She looked up from her tea… her face filled with… worry... shame maybe? She felt bad about something, I just wasn’t sure what. “For… you know… the whole Applejack thing.”

‘How was that her fault?’ “How was that your fault?”

“I should’ve stopped her… she was… I’ve never seen her like that before.”

“Really? That’s the only way I see her. She always yells at me for… nothing, really.” I shrugged. “It’s no big deal. I’ve gotten used to her… I’m the one who should be sorry.”

“What? You didn’t do anything!” She was almost angry at my apology.

“I lost my cool. I contributed to that fight just as much as she did. And I verbally bitch-slapped her… pardon my language.” I’m still beating myself up for that comment about her parents. Some day... not anytime soon, mind you... I’m gonna have to apologize for that.

“Okay, yeah, you kinda really did,” she admitted.

“I am sorry about that… it can’t have looked very good for your bakery.”

“Okay, well… okay first of all it’s not mine I just work there.”

“Ah.”

“And second… Sugar Cube Corner’s fine… if anything it’s getting more business.”

“Well I’m glad something good came out of it, I guess.” I chuckled nervously… Honestly I wanted to shift the topic off of this as fast as I could. This wasn’t helping Pinkie relax either.

“So who does own that bakery?” ‘That’ll do for a topic.’

“The cakes… but anyways I had something I wanted to ask you.” I wasn’t sure who the cakes were, but it looked like that was all the answer I was getting.

“Shoot.”

“How did you… how did you do it?”

I cocked my head. “How did I do what?”

She took a long sip from her mug and set it down… she looked me dead in the eyes… she was... curious… maybe fascinated is a better term.

“How did you just… know… about Applejack I mean. Cause… I’m one of her bestest of best friends, and I had… no idea about her parents.”

“Oh that… well that’s just… I notice things… the way she says things… the way she looks when she says them. Not just her, though… anypony. Body Language, cadence, where eyes are looking, when ponies stutter, their very actions, every piece of information tells you a little bit about a pony. If you pay enough attention you can… read ponies like books.”

Pinkie just stared at me with that same curious fascination. “Is… is that your special talent?”

‘Damn…’

“What makes you say that, Pinkie?”

“Your cutie mark… I’ve been trying to figure out your special talent since I saw it. That, and the way you were talking just now… that’s how Rainbow Dash talks about flying… or Twilight talks about magic… or how I talk about parties, there’s no way it’s not your special talent after you got all… intense about it.”

‘She smarter than she seems…’

“Well, for your information Pinkie… yes… it is my special talent. Don’t tell anypony though… It’s a secret.”

“My lips are sealed!” She smiled briefly, only to have her expression sour. “Hey Guilty?”

“What’s up?”

“Can I… ask ooone more question? I promise we can go back to relaxing after that but… I’m just really curious about something.”

“Go ahead.”

She looked at her tea again… ever uncertain.

“Go on, Pinkie… it’s okay.”

Without lifting her head, she asked “What’s a stud?”

I was only slightly taken aback. “Oh.”

“Is it something bad? Cause I always hear guys call their friends that all the time. I thought it was a good thing but… the way AJ said it… and the way you reacted…” She trailed off.

“Well…” I swallowed. I’m not that much of a prude, but it’s still an unpleasant topic. “… it’s a very old word, first of all. The more, uh, ‘modern’ meaning is a guy who, you know, gets a lot of action.”

“Uh huh.”

“What a lot of ponies don’t know, though, is where the word comes from. Now… way back, way before the princess, it was legal for a pony to … you know… own another pony.”

“Y-yeah?”

“How should I put this… ok let’s say I owned a farm. Now let’s also say that I… well… owned a bunch of… well there’s no nice way to put it… slaves. Now let’s say one of those slaves was a fantastic worker. He could lift more, pull more, pick more than any other pony. But as time goes on, that pony gets old… and he can’t do as much."

“…okay…”

“Well as a… well a slave owner… any children of my slaves are also my slaves. So I get a bright idea. I’ll just have that pony… impregnate… all my mares. So they’ll give birth to strong kids… kids who can lift, pull, pick just as much as their father. And then I get an even brighter Idea. I’ll show all my other friends how much my slave can do. Then I charge my friends to let my stallion get their mares pregnant. Now that father has been what’s called… ‘put out to stud.’”

The look on Pinkie’s face… she was just… crushed. “…oh… oh my gosh…”

“… yeah… So what it really means is… ‘a pony who’s no good for anything but sex.’”

She continued to just look on in horror.

“And… well you can see why I’d be offended by that. I mean… I do get called stud every now and then; but that’s just ponies trying to compliment me. Most don’t know what the word really means. Applejack on the other hand…”

“Yeah… she knew exactly what she was saying. Oh my gosh… Guilty I’m so… SO sorry.”

“Don’t be, Pinkie. First of all you didn’t do anything wrong.” Cue the comforting smile. “Second, it takes a lot more than that to really get to me. I’ve got thick skin; you don’t get into this line of work without getting called some… pretty awful names.” I never let the smile leave my face… if Pinkie thought I was even a little upset she’d want to comfort me.

“I...okay, Guilty.”

“Can I ask you a question now?”

“Of course.”

“May I brush your mane?”

“Wait, what, why?”

“Because it’s still pretty wet, and It’ll help you relax.”

“If… If you want, I guess. It’s really hard to brush through, though.”

“I think I’ll manage. Wait right here.”

Honestly, I was just trying to keep her from jumping back into conversation, but I figured she’d like a good brush. I hopped upstairs and grabbed a brush and a comb, one with extra wide spaces.

So I got back, and I started brushing her mane. Fun fact: for extra tangled hair, start brushing at the bottom and work your way up… makes it a lot easier.

Pinkie seemed a little uncomfortable as I worked my way up. Once I got to the top, though, Pinkie was in heaven. “That feels… reeeeally gooooood.”

“I know, right?”

Eventually her damp tangles were groomed straight. “All done.”

I took a moment to appreciate my handiwork. “You look… lovely, Pinkie.”

“Yeah? Lemme see, lemme see!” She bolted upstairs without me. I heard the bathroom door open. When I made my way up, Pinkie was scrutinizing her new look. “I look all… gloomy.”

“You don’t like it?” I walked up alongside Pinkie.

She continued to stare at her reflection. “I’m not sure. I… I used to have my hair like this… when I was little.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah… those weren’t… those weren’t really happy times.” She chuckled nervously.

“Rough childhood?”

“…kinda…”

“Me too.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

There was a long pause… we looked over each other’s reflections. I think each of us was kind of… sizing up the other. I dunno… maybe it’s just me… but I felt… something of a connection to Pinkie. Had her father beat her too? Did she have any scars? Did she know her mother? Had she gotten away from home as soon as possible, like me? Did she keep in touch with her family?

I’m not sure what was going through Pinkie’s head, but… but I kind of think. No, not think. Feel. I feel like she was thinking roughly the same thing I was. Either way she had the decency not to pry, as did I.

“… How do you think I look?”

“I think you look... sexy, quite frankly.” It was true… she looked really good with her hair down.

“Really?”

I took a second look, meeting her reflection’s gaze. “Yeah… really.”

“Huh… Do my tail too.”

I happily obliged. It was quick work, and soon Pinkie’s mane and tail were combed and brushed straight. “Do keep in mind, Pinkie, that as… voluminous as your hair is. It will have a little more body once it dries.”

“Okie dokie.” She examined herself in my mirror over and over again. “You know what? I like it.” She beamed again… a sort of… impossibly bright smile. “Anywho, let’s get downstairs, my not-tea is getting cold.”

After that, Pinkie… really mellowed out. For the remainder of her time, which was roughly an hour, we just sat… I poured her a few more mugs of chamomile… we talked a little bit about her friends. Apparently she’s really good friends with Twilight, Applejack, Derpy’s friend Rainbow Dash, and Rarity. We talked about the weather, too, about how cold it’s been getting.

We talked about smells funnily enough. I told her about the candles and oil and incense that I use; and She told me about how different sweets smell when they’re done right, and how they smell good together. It was nice.

Anyways, after two full hours, Pinkie gathered up the food she brought with her, and got ready to leave. “Well, I hope you enjoyed your session.”

“I did.” She was… really quite beautiful with her hair down. She’s a really cute mare, even if she is a little heavy. (Hey I spent the better part of a half hour under her, I notice things, okay?)

“Do you… think you’d like to have another session in the future.”

“Hmm…” She shook her head. “No… I think… I think I’m gonna try and find somepony to date again.”

“Well, good luck to you… but you know… If you ever wanna make a session… stop by… have a cup of tea… let your hair down, so to speak… we can always do that,” I offered.

“Hmm… maybe.” She turned to leave. “Oh, and stop by Sugar Cube Corner soon. Pumpkins are in season, so we’re gonna have these really good little pumpkin cupcakes… you should try it.”

“I’ll try… I am a busy boy after all.”

“Hehe, I getcha. Bye bye, Guilty.” And she left. She kept her hair down… I wonder what her friends will think.

I called after her. “And write ahead of time next time.” She laughed

All in all, today was… unexpected, though not unpleasant.

Tomorrow, I have an early session, but after that I think I’m going to try going for a hike… out by Ghastly Gorge maybe. I’ve lived here for two years, but I still haven’t really seen the sites. I’m not going to invite anyone… not quite yet. Maybe soon though… maybe I’ll ask Derpy… I mean I know she can fly, but… but maybe she’ll enjoy the walk, I dunno.

Either way… I should get to sleep.

I hope I like hiking. It’d be nice to… how did Close put it? Have something to ‘do between doing.’ I’ve never really… had a hobby before.

Might be fun.

Author's Notes:

Chapter 5 WEEEE!

I like how this chapter turned out. I hope you all enjoy.

P.S.

Food-play is hard to write.