The skag snuffled the ground and weakly stumbled forwards. It's jaws opened wide as it let loose a strangled cry. Dehydration was finally taking it's toll.

But wait.

It cocked it's head to one side and listened. What was that noise?

Thwack!

Something smacked into it's head, sending it reeling. The thing which hit it sped onwards, creating a large trail of dust behind it. The skag snorted and looked down. Something had wrapped itself around it's leg and was tightening. It gave a single yelp of fear as the chains tore it's legs from out under it, dragging it across the plains after the vehicle.

The desert left a harsh mark on it's backside as it was dragged. Eventually, the chains began to wind up, revealing their owners: a small group of bandits, riding atop one of their technicals.

Mini-Steve, the midget in charge of their little gang, whooped with delight and grabbed his buddy's head in his hooves. Then slammed their heads together.

The buddy in question fell back, completely unconscious.

Mini-Steve waved a hoof and shrugged it off. He clambered onto the hood of the truck and pounded his hooves as the adrenaline pumped through his veins.

"Heyoo-"

Fwoosh!

The train slammed into the truck, sending the midget and his crew flying into the air in a mass of blood and explosions.

---

My Little Borderlands: Friendship is Badass

By Bigwig6666

- - - -

Short Change Hero

---

The five passengers on the train looked around in confusion. The train's floor shook with a massive vibration, making them all stumble. One of them, the filly, pointed up to the large banner above their heads as the red light came on.

Welcome Vault Hunters! the sign read, showing the CEO of the Hyperion Corporation, Handsome Jack, with a warm smile and kind eyes, inviting them to Pandora.

Then, after a shake, the front of it dropped away, revealing the same CEO with an evil smirk in his true form: a large creature with a pony head, an eagle's claw and a lion's paw, with the caption: To your doom! (Nothing personal) surrounded by fire and what is generally considered "Evil" imagery, as two Hyperion bots popped out and readied their guns.

All five of the passengers, the so-called Vault Hunters, backed up and took their separate routes. The first, a light blue pegasus, took off running down the caboose as the others spread out. Bullets flew past his head as he rolled and scooped up his deployable SABRE sentry gun, the "Ex-Wife".

As it made contact with the ceiling, it latched there and deployed itself, spraying bullets and rockets at the two bots firing at it's owner.

Meet Soarin. The Commando. Ex-military. Pegasus. Divorced. Currently scraping a living on the planet of Pandora as a bounty hunter, looking for fame and glory. Recently heard rumours of the Vault, and come to investigate, whether it's to prove to his ex-wife that he's capable of working as a team, or whether it's just another fame-driven craze of his. Either way, he's a badass.

The second, the female pony in the yellow jumpsuit, spread her wings and dodged a missile fired by Soarin's metaphorical ex-wife. She grunted as she landed and glared down at him. He shrugged apologetically and turned his attention to the gunfire coming from somewhere else.

The female snorted in disapproval and lifted up her left hoof, adorned with chaotic tattoos and markings. from the end of her hoof came a ball of energy, which she promptly fired at the remaining robot.

Meet Luna. The Siren. Raised by monks of an old religious order dedicated to serving and protecting the Sirens. A Siren wields great power, and Luna is no exception. Especially seen as how she's alicorn. A winged-unicorn. She came to Pandora looking for answers. Answers to what, nopony can say. But she's also badass.

She grinned as she flung the robot out the window, just barely missing the pegasus with stunted wings latching onto the side of the train.

He grunted in annoyance and swung himself back in using a cable he clenched in his teeth and whipped two digistructed guns out from his harness. "YEEEAAAAAAHHHHH!" he bellowed as he opened fire upon more robots and soldiers. Soarin and Luna took a step back in amusement as they were momentarily distracted by the badassery before them.

Meet Snowflake. The Gunzerker. Born and raised on Pandora, the only native of our little group. His stunted wings are a result of heavy steroid use, as is his temperament. When face to face with Snowflake, your best option is to run, hide, soil yourself, or shoot yourself in the head. And hope he's in a good mood. Which he won't be. 'Cause he's a friggin' psycho!

His bullets ricocheted off the walls and brought about the attention of the filly in the back. A small filly, seemingly harmless to the Hyperion soldiers now flooding the carriageway. They thought this one would be the easiest.

Wroooong.

She raised her mechanical leg and grinned manically as she summoned her own robot. A white, filly, unicorn shaped bot's eyes glowed red as she let forth a blast of energy and incinerated the nearest bad guy.

Meet Applebloom, and her robot, SW33T-BT. The Mechromancer. A child prodigy amongst her peers at Ponyville Elementary. Striving for nothing but the best, she always made her parents and elder siblings proud. Until one fateful day, where little miss "boogerface" Diamond Tiara thought it would be fun to pull a prank on her at the annual science fair. The fair Applebloom decided to reveal her latest creation, SW33T-BT, also known as Sweetie. Sweetie was programmed to be the bestest friend any young filly could ask for, which naturally meant she stood up for her friends in fights.

Diamond Tiara never knew what hit her. No seriously, she still doesn't know. Because she's dead. Sweetie saw the prank and decided, "hey, that looks dangerous. Don't worry BFF, I got this" and promptly murdered the crap out of Applebloom's rival.

As for her mechanical leg... There's a reason she doesn't have many friends. She came to Pandora to escape the law and possibly find her brother and sister.

"Nice work, Sweetie," Applebloom yelled with glee as she stomped on the head of one of the soldiers.

Sweetie beamed with pride. [Anything for you. Best friend,] she responded as she grabbed one of the enemy robots and slammed it's head into the ceiling. Where it stuck and attempted to set itself free.

Through it's broken ass optical sensors, it saw very little. But what it did see made it want to oil itself.

A single pony stood, with two soldiers slowly approaching it. One of the soldiers lunged forwards, intending to smash the Vault Hunter's ribcage and get at least one kill before retirement.

Wah wah oops.

The soldier looked about with wild eyes as his hoof went straight through the holographic body of the Hunter. His associate scratched his head and turned around, earning a quick stab through the heart as the Hunter drove her sword through him. The first soldier looked up to see a dark figure doing a back flip over his head. When she landed she drop kicked his face into the sword.

Meet DJ-PON3. The Assassin. Two words. Bad. Ass.

She pulled her sword out of the two soldiers and swung herself back into the caboose to rejoin her comrades.

Soarin motioned for them to move up the corridor. Luna reluctantly agreed, deciding now was not the time to demand who made him boss, and pressed herself against the door.

Snowflake readied his guns, breathing heavily.

Applebloom gazed up at DJ with curious eyes.

DJ grunted something and wiped the blood off her sword.

They all burst through the door and pointed their guns at the driver's chair.

Soarin narrowed his eyes as he saw the driver slowly turn around. "Oh for-" he muttered. "Everypony, run!"

They didn't need telling twice.

From the cardboard cut-out of the driver's face, came the voice of their nemesis. Handsome Jack.

"It's cute you all think you're the little heroes of this story, but you're not," his voice chuckled as the dynamite around the cut-out lit up. "Welcome to Pandora, my little ponies."

The five Vault Hunters ran as far back as they could to shield themselves from the explosion. Didn't help much. They still tumbled out from the train as it lurched to one side and flipped from the tracks.

Then darkness took them all.

---

---

"Another dead Vault Hunter. Handsome Jack's been busy."

Luna grunted and shook her head. What the heck just happened?" she thought as she blearily opened her eyes. "Uggh," she groaned as she outstretched a hoof.

"Holy crap!" the grating voice from earlier cried, making her wince. "You're not dead?"

The Siren raised her head and squinted at the speaker. A strange little robot sat, staring at her. It's single, large, red eye blinked once as it observed her.

"Yes!" His right arm went up in a gesture of success. "Now I can get off this glacier. Cloptrap, you're metaphorical ship has finally come in!"

"Cloptrap? What..." Luna murmured as she wearily rose to her feet and looked around. "I wonder where the others are," she thought.

The robot looked at her again and gave a small bow. Well, falling-over-and-calling-it-a-bow. "Ahem. Allow me to introduce myself. I am a CL0P-TP service bot. But my friends call me Cloptrap! Or they would, if any of them were still alive. or had existed in the first place! Oh - I've got something for you."

Luna looked down as Cloptrap began to dig through the snow. A sudden cheering sound made them both jump, however, when the small figure of the filly from the train bounded into view.

"Ah found you!" she cried as she hugged Luna's leg. "Guys! She's over here!"

Luna forcibly removed her and turned to see Soarin, Snowflake and the Assassin trudging towards her through the snow. Cloptrap looked as bewildered as a robot with no facial expressions could be.

"Wow! More new minions! And all mighty Vault Hunters! With an army like this, I can finally join the resistance in Sanctuary, take vengeance against Jack for killing my product line, and repair my central processor, so I stop thinking out loud!" He turned to Applebloom and examined her closely.

The filly squirmed and shifted uncomfortably.

"Hmm. I wonder what it's like to have a bellybutton?" Cloptrap mumbled.

Soarin glanced over at Snowflake, who shrugged and turned to the Siren. "You OK, amigo?" he growled, although in a non-threatening way.

Luna nodded. "Yes. Just... suddenly very cold," she admitted, actually noticing that they were in the snow. "How did we get in the snow? We were in the desert."

Soarin chuckled. "Yeah. Seems the train just went into the Arctic as we blew up. Weird, huh?" He nudged the Assassin, who glared at him through her visor.

"Mhm," she grunted.

Applebloom shivered violently. "Uh, guys? Can we, um... go somewhere warmer? Ah'm gettin' cold out here."

Cloptrap bounced up and down some ways ahead. "Guuuuuys! Come oooon! Just follow THE SOOTHING SOUND, OF MY VOICE!" he screeched in his nasal, robotic voice.

All five of the Vault Hunters cringed and glared at him as they begrudgingly followed in his wake. Then all bumped into each other as he came whirring back. "Crap. Sorry, guys, I forgot to give you all the Echo communication devices I totally didn't loot from one of those ex-Vault Hunter corpses. Here ya go!"

He practically threw the small devices at them all. Luna caught hers in her mouth, and strapped it safely to her side. Once there, a mysterious, kind and soft voice began to speak to her.

"I'll explain everything soon, but know this. You're alive for a reason. and I... am here to help you," said the voice.

Luna glanced around to see if anypony else had heard it. if they did, they gave no indication of it. "Maybe it's a Siren thing?" she wondered, falling to the back of their merry band and observed her... acquaintances.

The pegasus with attitude.

The behemoth with tiny wings.

The foal and her robot friend.

And the mysterious pony with the number 3 on her face.

"DJ-PON3. Why do you have a number on your face?" Luna asked cautiously.

DJ stopped and turned around. The image flickered and died almost immediately. "No reason," she grunted and continued walking.

Soarin grumbled something. Snowflake turned his attention to the filly trotting along beside him. "Hey, kid. Why are you here?"

Applebloom nearly died with fright. "Oh, uh, ah... sorta... um... killed somepony. Heh," she mumbled, turning red with all the attention she suddenly gained.

Snowflake raised an eyebrow and flapped his oh so tiny wings. "Really? With that, uh, robot thing of yours?"

Applebloom flared up and stomped her mechanical hoof. "She ain't no thing! She's my best friend. But yeah, she sorta... she deserved it," she grumbled.

The giant furrowed his brow. "Who? The robot?"

"No." The filly rolled her eyes. "The winner of the science fair at school and my rival. Diamond Tiara." She spat the words out as if they left a bad taste in her mouth. "She... did something mean to me, an' Sweetie got mad and... she died. Can we please change the subject, now?" she asked, irritatedly.

Snowflake chuckled. A deep, throaty laugh. "Sure, kid."

Luna smiled a little as she watched the giant speak with the foal.

Cloptrap sped up ahead and came to a stop in front of a large structure. The troop picked up their pace and stopped in front of him.

"Well done! Your ability to walk short distances without failing will be Handsome Jack's downfall!" he merrily cried.

Soarin cringed. "Gods I hate his voice," he murmured to Snowflake.

The Gunzerker chuckled again. "Same here, bro."

DJ turned her gaze towards the ''H'' shaped station before Pandora's moon. "Maybe we'll finally get our revenge," she mumbled, just barely audibly. But still audibly enough for Luna to hear.

"Plans for revenge?" thought the Siren, "perhaps there's more to this one than a common assassin."

Cloptrap rolled on forwards a little bit until he came to a door in the structure. "Aaaaand open!" he said. A light came on above the door as a sensor scanned him in, letting the door swing open.

The bot rolled back and put his clamps on his ''hips''. "Just a bit of added security. Gotta keep those Bullymongs at bay, or else they'll rip your eyes out!" he cheerily told them all and rolled forwards once more, down into the structure.

Applebloom shivered. "Bullymongs? Are they really gonna rip all ya'll eyes out?"

"Nah," laughed Soarin. "We won't let that happen to ya, kid," he joked, and scuffled her red mane. She scowled and waved him away.

They followed Cloptrap down the makeshift staircase/runway, all the while examining the frozen forms of dead bandits, what they assumed were Vault Hunters, albeit not as successful as them, and stripped-for-parts cloptrap models.

"Weird," murmured Soarin.

"I'll say," Luna agreed as they walked through the creepy museum.

"Sorry about the mess!" came Cloptrap's grating voice from in front of them, startling them all momentarily. "Everything Jack kills he dumps here - bandits, Vault Hunters, cloptrap units... If I sound pleased about this, it's only because the programmers and writers of my script made it so. I'm actually quite depressed!" he added, very cheerily. "Now, the creatures around here are dangerous," he continued as the Hunters fanned out and began examining parts of his home. "But none more than this one Bullymong named Knuckle Dragger. Killed everypony I know. Anywho, I keep some pistols in that cabinet over there for emergencies, but in here we should be pretty safe!"

Snowflake suddenly slammed his hoof down. "Dammit, what happened to all my guns?" he demanded.

Soarin patted himself down too. "Yeah. Where's my turret?" he asked.

Applebloom frowned and raised her mechanical leg. Nothing. "Why can't ah bring Sweetie here?" she asked in a timid voice, noticing upon further inspection that the little summoning device was missing from her hoof. "Ah... just want to see her, that's all," she said after the looks she got from her company.

DJ reached around and sighed. "Well, some jaggoff stole my sword. Am I gonna have to beat somepony until I get it back?" she growled when she couldn't find the hilt of her digistructed sword, or find that she couldn't use her holographic projector here.

"Oh please," snorted Luna. "Must all of you rely on such primitive tools?"

The Assassin glared at the Siren, suddenly feeling quite vocal and angry. "Oh yeah? Well, little miss perfect, why don't you use your fancy Siren stuff to find us a way out of here?"

Luna, taken aback by DJ's sudden tone of voice, flexed her wings and raised her left leg. Annnd... nothing. Not even a spark. "Wh-what?" she murmured, forcing as much energy as she could into her arm.

DJ snorted a laugh and clapped her hooves together. "Well, well, well. Looks like Siren's lost her powers. Such a shame."

Even though she couldn't see it through the visor, Luna could tell the Assassin was smirking at her. She bristled her wings and flared her nostrils, getting ready to pound this insolent cur into oblivion.

"No!" the voice from before told her. "You mustn't fight. You all need to work together to get through this. trust me."

Soarin quickly intervened. "Ladies, please, we're all grown-ups here - uh, mostly grown-ups," he added and smiled apologetically at Applebloom. "I'm sure we'll get our stuff back soon. Don't worry."

Snowflake raised his hooves and sighed in exasperation.

Cloptrap made a coughing sound. "I, uh. I think I know what happend to your stuff," he murmured.

All five turned to him.

"Explain," DJ growled and stalked up to him.

He coughed again and backed up. "Uh, well, you see... the thing is..."

Raaaaaaagh!

He wailed and threw his arms in the air. "Oh no! Ruuuun!" he yelled and tried to scurry away, past the threatening form of DJ-PON3 in front of him.

The entire structure shook as a large creature resembling a four-armed ape charged in through the hole in the ceiling. It swung down and grabbed Cloptrap in one hand and roared again. It reached over with one hand and promptly ripped out the bots eye.

"My eye! AHHHHHH!"

It dropped the bot back onto the ground, then swun away as quickly as it had appeared.

Cloptrap picked himself up and dusted himself off. "The gun. The gun in the cabinet," he mumbled, as if in intense pain.

The five moved quickly and wrenched open the cabinet, pulling five rather terrible pistols out.

"I still want my turret back," Soarin grumbled.

"And I want my guns back!" Snowflake growled.

DJ snorted and cocked her gun's hammer back.

Luna burned red with indignation. How could her powers just fail her like that?

"Ah!" Cloptrap cried as he bumped into a wall. "Ow."

The Siren's hearing faded as the voice spoke to her once more.

"Once upon a time, four Vault Hunters changed Pandora forever. But their time has passed - thanks to Handsome Jack, Pandora needs a new hero. I know that hero is you. All of you..."

She shook her head and stared at the others. All looked as confused as her.

Except Cloptrap.

"Apart from the excruciating pain, this is great! I've been waiting for a mighty Vault Hunter to help me reach Sanctuary. Remember what I said about you all being minions before?"

"Uh huh," the group murmured in unison.

"Well I will be your wise leader! And you shall be my fearsome army! Ahahaha. Aha." After his short speech, the irritatingly cheerful bot rolled straight into a metal door, eliciting a small round of laughter from some of the group. "Uh... just lemme get this door open and we'll hunt ourselves a Bullymong."

The group watched as he punched some numbers into a keypad and opened the door.

"Onwards, seeing eye minions! Just - let me know if I'm gonna run into anything. 'K?"

Then he bumped into a wall.

"I'll just pretend you didn't see that. Onwards!"

They all laughed as they set off at a steady pace. Their adventure had just begun.

Next Chapter: Bandits and Bullymongs Estimated time remaining: 29 Minutes