I am the perfect hypocrite. I try to keep my mind stable, but my I have grown weak. I am a lamb with no herd, no saint, no shepherd.

"Another year passes, and yet I keep the same poker face," I chuckle to a non-existent being in my mind. "Some dandy great person I am huh."

I close my laptop and stare at the ceiling of my bedroom, watching the ceiling fan blades revolve around and around endlessly. It's amazing how such a cheaply manufactured item can continue to do it's purpose, until it breaks without a second thought. Sometimes I wish I was stupid and naive, it would make my life so much easier. I'd wake up, work, and sleep. Rinse and repeat until you die. But clearly some mastermind in the sky has decided that I would be unique; I'd question the very fabric of society and analyze a human being to their core root and personality. It often keeps me up at night, sobbing to myself under my blankets.

Only one person on this plant knows what ticks in my head, and he isn't here with us anymore. On the faithful date of March 11th, 2011, my best friend was packed tight into a coffin and put 8 feet deep. My father had died from a heart attack in his sleep when I was 9, and my mother followed two grief-stricken years later. March 11th officially marked the day I lost everybody I cared for. My mom, my dad, and my best friend all out in the great beyond, while I'm stuck on this dull, grey earth. I wish it was as easy as opening and closing a door to see them once again, but it never is that simple.

I bet you're reading this right now, smug and chuckling to yourself, "What a sadistic fuck." You're absolutely right. Maybe it's the self-entitled duty that keeps my heart beating. I know I'm shot down, and I hope my spiral downwards is a peaceful one. But at least I can make a difference to people around me before I take the next ferry into uncharted lands. (A/N: What I mean by this is dying. For some reason I feel like being really metaphorical.) I want to be remembered with a smile. I want to be the person that cared more for other beings than himself.

This world wasn't meant for people like me. Being useful in the neighborhood I grew up in is doing something physically, and taking something from Point A to Point B. My goals and achievements are frowned upon. Thinking doesn't get you very far. I cannot take the faults in this world and fix them; I am too small of a person and lack the power and resources to do so. I can simply dream about a world where I'd excel in. Living alone didn't help either. There was no leash holding my mind back, constantly nagging me about homework and responsibilities. It's funny how many kids would die to be in my position, no parents and such. It's ironic how it's in our blood to want the things that we don't have, no matter how stupid they are. So these thoughts follow me to bed, and greet me in the morning. I know how easy it is to fix my problem, to simply inject a needle into my arm or drink bottles of alcohol. But I had found something much better than that. I had found My Little Pony.

You're going to have to forgive me if this is utter shit. But please, I employ you to rip this fan fiction to shreds, exposing every rotten bit of flesh hidden within it. I don't know why I decided to start writing. This may be a one time thing. But I have most of my inspiration from Ice, he started writing and he's doing fine. So hell, why not give it a shot, eh?

Good news guys! Had some spare cash left over from Christmas, so I decided to buy the new Xbox 360 Slim! The neat thing is that they can put some design on your xbox, so I put a Rainbow Dash picture on it. You betcha' it was major awkward, but so worth it. BTW, looking for people to play MW3 or BF3 with. Do send a friend request my way @ rageofhell45 [going to be changed to FrostBite soon]. :)