...whatever. You'll buck her. But, uh, this one doesn't count...yeah, that's it. This won't count as a sin. Definitely.

     Grinning widely, you take a few moments to gather your baring before you think of your plan of attack.

     Sure, incubi could use their powers to make ponies have sex with them, but they had to charmingly seduce them FIRST.

     She's nerdy...so she probably likes a big, strong stallion. You change your muscles to look a bit bigger, then work on your face. Does she like glasses? Maybe...better have some anyway...you can always take them off.

     Dawning a frumpy sweater to hide your muscles, you walk inside nonchalantly and take a look around quickly. A book on how to pick up mares...how appropriate. You take the miniature book and stick it inside a bigger, more complex-looking algebra book and position yourself near the counter so that it looks like you're reading the algebra book.

     You feign interest and pass the time by reading the smaller book.

How to pick up mares by Drew Carey

Chapters:

1. Introduction

2. The athletic one

3. The energetic one

4. The nerdy one

5. The "Just-a-friend" one

6. The slutty one

7. The sexually repressed one

8. The shy one

9. The abusive one

10. 10 signs that you're in the friend zone

     You notice chapter four and flip to it stealthily.

     Nerdy mares are some of the most difficult, because you might actually have to LEARN something to get to them. The best method has been debated by pimp scholars for centuries, but most agree that the best way to get into this kind of mare's heart is to ease your way in over the course of a few months

     Eh...that's not good. You don't have TIME to make friends and then buck her.

     But if you're looking for that quick fix seduction,

     Oh, thank Celestia.

     you'd really need to cater to her desires in a stallion. Usually, their dream guy is a hot stallion with rippling muscles that just so happens to be just as smart as she is. The best way to go is to cram a few quick nerd concepts into your brain before talking to her. Small talk to get a conversation started, maybe a nerd question of some sort, but then you're on your own, completely reliant on your prior knowledge.

     You hastily start power-learning mathematical concepts from the larger book.

     Transitive property, blah blah blah, pythagorean theorem, blah blah blah, quartic functions, blah blah blah...

     Okay, you think you're ready. You'll start with a- wait, is she looking at you? You look up, but she quickly looks away in a random direction...she thinks you're hot. Fighting back a smile, you take your sweater off, revealing a body that you could bounce marbles off of.

     The ploy works; it immediately draws her attention, and, despite her best efforts, she can't look away.

     Taking your glasses off, you smile charmingly, "Excuse me?"

     She snaps out of it and looks up to your face, blushing, "Oh, um, hi there..."

     "Are you good at math? Could you please explain what a..."-you search through your thoughts for a random math word-"...quartic is? It's so confusing..."

     She clears her throat and looks away, "Oh, um, alright...i-if you insist- Er, I mean, sure, I'm good at math, um, m-my name is Malene..."

     They're always easier when they're socially awkward. Heh.

     Smiling, you realize that...you don't really have a name...would #3, 046, 735 count?

     "Um, my name is...Drew Carey" you smile back, holding out a hoof to shake good naturedley.

     She returns it, blushing, then starts explaining it to you enthusiastically.

     You stop listening, and can't help but smile.

     Wow, this is great! She's sooo into me! Maybe I can...

     You realized that she stopped talking, and she's looking...at your algebra book...and the little book inside it...oh dear...

     She looks up at you, "Were you trying too...?"

     Abort mission, abort! Abort!

     ...no...no, you have a way out of this. You can do this! It's time to engage 'Shy secret admirer' mode!

     "Um...well, yeah...I'm so sorry, I've been trying to talk to you for a few months, but..." you stop, blushing, then close the books.

     You avoid eye contact, "Sorry, I guess I got maybe a little out of hoof or-"

     "Aaaw!" she hugs you happily...you've got this!

     "Y-you're not mad?" you reply meekly.

     "NO!" she makes you jump at her seriousness.

     She clears her throat and blushes violently, "I mean...no...I kind of thought you were cute..."

     You give a fake, meek smile, "Heh...thanks"

     After a few moments of awkward silence, she speaks once again, "Do you wanna go get a slushie or-"

     "How about no?" you smile and start to use your incubus magic on her.

     Your eyes flash purple and hers as well as she is entranced by your spell, "I wanna go make love"

     She smiles, "Yes...yes, I want to too..."

     You get behind her and lean her on the counter. Yes. The hunt was successful. She squeals in pain a little as you pop her cherry...but she enjoys the rest of it. Her loud moaning shakes the store, but thankfully doesn't draw the attention of any passersby.

     Right at the end, once you finish your climax, she wilts a little, having some of the energy drained from her soul.

     Just then, a door bursts open next to you, "What's going on down he-"

     A large stallion gasps as he sees you get off of his daughter, "WHAT DID YOU DO!?"

     You smile sheepishly, "Oh, uh, hello there, Sir! Your daughter and I were just-"

     CLANG!

     You're smashed in the face with a cash register...you wake up in a prison cell with a guard tsk tsking you on the other side of the bars.

     "...an incubus...haven't seen one of you here in a few years" he says nonchalantly.

     You facehoof, "Oh no..."

     "But if you were a regular pony, you'd still be in trouble...she was underage..." he finishes flatly.

     Your eyes go wide, "What!? How was I suppose to-"

Flashback, during sex with her...

     "I-I-I-I-I-I-I'M UN-UN-UN-UN-UNDER-DER-DER-DERAGED! I'M UNDERAGED!" she moans, her body in sync with your thrusts.

     "Shh...Daddy's busy" you whisper into her ear softly with a smile, not having understood or cared about what she said.

Back to the present

     "Oh, right..." you rub the back of your neck awkwardly as he walks away, "Wait! You don't understand! I need sex to live! Literally! I was just eating!"

     "Need sex to live, huh?" you spin around...and see a large pony about twice your size standing behind you.

     He smiles a toothless smile, "Well...I guess that makes two of us"

     Forcing you onto the bed, he starts to laugh and...well, you can probably guess what happens next.

THE END

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