Your life flashes before your eyes as a generic handsome hero lifts his sword high above his helmet. Wounded, you lay on the ground, helpless as the hero lops off your head with one clean stroke. He takes it as a trophy to go with all the other beasts he’s killed.

     “Wow, this one is SURE to get Samantha to like me!” he grins as he trots away from your decapitated corpse.

     A few minutes later, you awake in a large, grey cave. A pony at a desk sighs and waves you over.

     “Welcome to the underworld. Name, social rank, and family?” she asks blandly as she sets some paperwork on the desk.

     You answer in an equally bland tone and fill it all out; you’ve done this whole song and dance before…this isn’t the first time that you’ve died to some charming hero.

     She points to a creaky, wooden boat with a hooded pony standing on it, “Talk to Charon over there and tell him you’re not a pony; it’s free passage for all monsters”

     You leave without thanking her, completely bummed out. Again? Killed again!? You curse your incompetence…

     Charon silently paddles the boat down the river. You try to think of where it all went wrong…no, you don’t remember. Whatever.

     He passes up the shores of the underworld where all the regular ponies go and heads off of a large waterfall into a pool of molten magma below. How the wooden boat doesn’t instantly catch fire and sink is beyond you, but you don’t care. Souls of fellow sinners scream in agony as their skin melts off of their bones for the hundredth time today.

     You almost don’t notice when the boat stops next to a large throne with a dark alicorn sitting on it. The grey stallion wears shiny obsidian and gold armor with decorative spikes jutting out at fashionable angles. His massive wings tucked neatly to his sides, he lays in an apparently bored position staring neutrally at you.

     “Well, well, well…what do we have here? How long’s it been…a few decades, right? How’ve you been?” he asks with a light smile.

     You roll your eyes, “I lost my head…both metaphorically and physically”

     A servant brings a large, dark book to the divinity who immediately starts to flip through it, “Ah, right…#3, 046, 735…I’ve never been beheaded, what’s it feel like?”

     “Kind of a like a sharp pain and then…nothing” you answer honestly.

     He raises an eyebrow, “Wow, you’re a bit bland today”

     You sigh, “I just died. Look, can we get on with this? I wanna get my damnation over with”

     He shrugs and looks back to his book, “Alright, then, Spoilsport…let’s see, you ended up causing the death of six ponies and two foals, so by the Celestial sin scale that adds up to…1000 years total”

     You nod, “Alright, I’ll see you then”

     Charon drops you off at the shores and you casually walk into the nearest scorching flame, not even wincing at the all-too-familiar pain.

1000 terrible years later…

     Another day, another little bit of sin off of your debt…how long have you been burning in this fire? You don’t know. You don’t even know if it IS another day…you’ve been trying to count the number of seconds to pass the time, but you lost count when you lost your sanity for the third time.

     Oh well.

     You turn to the soul next to you, who is writhing in pain as scorpions crawl into his body, “Hey, Steve, how are you?”

     “Can’t complain. Yesterday it was bats and today scorpions…glad to see they’re being creative” he cried hysterically.

     “Hm, that’s good,” you scream back through a charred throat, “how’re the wife and kids?”

     He sobbed in pain, “They're okay…I think…actually, I'm not quite sure, I killed them”

     “Oh, right” you tried to chuckle, but you were roaring in pain.

     Before you could speak again, a magical force picked you up and slowly floated you over to a boat above the fire.

     “Oh, my time must be up…see you in a few decades, Steve” you yell to him from above the fire, still fully engulfed in flames.

     “Peace…good luck with your next killings” he choked back.

     You land on the boat next to Charon. He splashes you with water to put out the flames and dusts off all the stubborn rattlesnakes still biting you.

     “1000 years already? You sure you don’t have the wrong soul?” you ask curiously.

     Charon doesn’t respond; he just slowly paddles you down the river back toward the lord of the dead.

     The aforementioned divinity hops up and down on his throne immaturely, “Ooh I have to go to the bathroom! Wait…are there even any bathrooms in Tartarus? Oh, whatever, I can hold it for the rest of eternity I guess. Oh, it’s you again…did you enjoy your torture?”

     You sniff nonchalantly, “It was alright…Steve liked the variety, but meh, I think you need a few new ways to mix it up a bit, maybe 'bathe in a sea of flaming knife-cactus demons'”

     He scribbles in a little notebook and turns back to you, “Noted. Now, as you’ve probably gathered, your sentence is up. Have you given any thought as to which monster you want to reincarnate as?”

     You bite your lip, “Well, actually, I’ve been thinking about that…”

     “Oh?” he inquires curiously, chewing on the end of his quill thoughtfully.

     “Well,” you take a deep breath, “I don’t really want to come back as a monster”

     “Alright then…there are a few jobs here in Tartarus, if you want. I hear the receptionist needs an assistant. We have great dental service too-” he answered naturally.

     You clear your throat as to stop him from continuing, “It’s not that I don’t wanna come back…I wanna come back as a pony”

     He jumps back in shock, spilling his ink the process, “What!? You want to come back as…a pony? Why in the world would you want to do that?”

     “1000 years was enough time for me to think on it, and…I don’t know if I wanna keep being…bad. Bad, mischievous, evil…I don’t know, but if I was a pony and I missed being evil, I’d at least have the OPTION of going back, right?” you chuckle awkwardly and rub the back of your neck

     He sighs and rubs his temples, “Look, #3, 046, 735…I…can’t…at the convention to discuss the construction of everything, all the gods and goddesses agreed on a set bit of rules for the universe. None of us have the power to cross them”

     “Why not? Why can’t monsters be ponies?” you ask defiantly, standing your ground.

     He looks at you sternly, “The soul of a monster is immortal. Ponies have no idea that every time a monster dies, it eventually just reincarnates; they think you just stay dead forever. Now what if a single pony knew that and spread the word…can you imagine the chaos that would ensue? How many ponies would commit crimes in hopes that they would ‘become a monster’ so that they could live forever? No, no, we can’t do that…I’m sorry. It’s out of my hooves, really”

     You look to the deck of the ship and shake your head silently.

     The god pony sits on his throne and thinks for a moment, before coming up with an idea, “…but there IS a loophole, I suppose. You still have to become a monster, of course, but what you choose to do with your life is your own decision. You can still be good…you just have to be a monster, that’s all”

     You stare up at the smiling god. He was right…why didn’t you think of that? Well, to be fair, you were a little occupied with suffering.

     You grin widely, “Wow…this is amazing! I’ll be able to start a new life and everything!”

     “Ponies probably won’t want to associate with conventional monsters, so you probably want to choose a monster that looks like a normal pony…” he offered.

     You stroke your chin…what would suit you best?

Incubus- The incubus is a demon that mates with ponies to feed off of their orgasmic energy. The incubus usually chooses a handsome stallion to change into to attract mates. Combine that with its charming nature, and you have one HUNK of a monster...but that doesn’t mean that it’s toootally heartless. They’re really passionate lovers to those they truly care about…so long as they get some “care” in return…hehe…

If you would like to be an Incubus, click here!

Kitsune- Kitsune are magical fox spirits from Japanese mythology. For every 100 years that a Kitsune lives, it gains another tail. The more tails one has, the wiser and more powerful it is. Once a Kitsune reaches nine tails, it gains near god-like status, but the ones that live to that age are generally mature enough not to use their powers for evil. The Kitsune are generally portrayed as mischievous creatures, which can scale from near-harmless pranks to wicked, unrelenting torture. Should you choose this option, you will be a 400 year old Kitsune with three tails, moderately powerful, but still a long way to go from its ultimate form.

If you would like to be a Kitsune, click here!

Vampony- Vamponies live a relatively solitary life…but they don’t seem to mind. They usually live in large families with zompony servants to care for them. They drink blood for sustenance and can change into a bat to fly and a rat to fit through tight spaces. They prefer to stay out of the sun, but, contrary to popular to belief, don’t completely burn in it…they just feel uncomfortable, or even a little sickly being in it. They have above average strength and agility beyond that of a normal pony, but generally appear slender and lanky in appearance. Normal food does not carry any nutritional value for them, but they occasional eat it because they miss the flavor. Vamponies are immortal unless killed, and there is no known cure.

If you would like to be a vampony, click here!

Changeling- Changelings live together in a massive underground cave with their monarch, Queen Chrysalis. Their roles are interchangeable from worker to soldier to hunter, so they generally switch positions to keep all of their skills sharp. Changelings are all nearly identical to one another and will fiercely defend the hive if it’s attacked.  They can disguise themselves as anypony they please, but need to feed off of love from ponies for food. They can fly and use magic, but generally don't tend to assume leadership roles, as that's not what they're trained for.

If you would like to be a changeling, click here!

Ponywolf- Ponywolves are regular ponies that turn into massive, hungry wolves at night. It’s difficult, but many wolves can curb their hunger and ignore their instincts…or at least bring themselves to a secluded spot in the woods before hunting. Animals can sense who is and who isn’t a pony wolf, but canines and felines are better at it than most others. Ponywolves can talk to animals and don’t need to sleep due to their nighttime transformation, but need to eat meat during the night and regular vegetables during the day. Their one weakness is silver, which burns them to the touch in their wolf form, but does not harm them at all in their normal pony form.

If you would like to be a ponywolf, click here!