Warnings and Disclaimers:

This gruesome tale of violence and death is not recommended for colts, fillies, or the faint of heart.

Characters in this work are property of their respective owners, I do not own any of them, and do not intend to make any sort of profit off of this work.

This My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic fanfiction involves shipping. If you don't know what that means, please go read up on it at http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/Shipping before reading.

If you are made uncomfortable by ANY form of romance between ANY intelligent beings, this fanfiction may not be to your liking. Continue only with caution.

And now, on with the show:

In the bright and well-lit sitting room, somepony giggled.

"Who was it?"

Silence reigned.

"Who!?"

A bright violet light sprang into being. Twilight Sparkle's horn purplefied the breezy, pictoral sitting room the six ponies were lounging around in quite nicely. A world of bright flowers and cheerful paints became significantly more purple, colors made more purpley by the lavender glow of the magical implement. Shadows dissolved in the purplish corners, utterly overwhelmed by the unicorn's purple spell.

Rainbow Dash watched as Twilight smirked at each of their friends in turn. None spoke. Whimsical purple shadow puppets danced along the walls as the unicorn turned her head, causing Spike to have to follow along to keep his shadow puppets coherent. Pinkie Pie huddled near the cake mix, eyes wide and full of longing as she stared off into an uncertain cake mix. The baker twitch-a-twitched slightly, getting a little bit of the cake mix on her snout. She sneezed. On the room's only bed, Rarity lay somewhat in the vicinity of Applejack, her head buried in a pillow. The dressmaker shook as she sobbed quietly. Dash didn't know whether the unicorn's distress was because of her mascara smearing on the pillow, or because the author was trying to ship her with Applejack; the room reeked of heavenly fragrances, and Rarity's mane, like everypony else's, was flawless. Applejack, for her part, merely stared stoically back at Twilight Sparkle, dutifully ignoring the shipping subtext, when the librarian's gaze turned to her.

And then those eyes were on Dash, and on Fluttershy. The two were locked in an embrace; they couldn't help it, the author was going to get some shipping on one way or another. The weather pony found her voice when the other pegasus began to breathe erratically, "What does it matter?"

Twilight Sparkle's brow furrowed. "Get serious, Dash. It's better for five of us to get through this than none of us. You know the rules."

Fluttershy's whisper carried well enough in the enclosed space, "Couldn't we... um... wait and see? It could just be somepony getting tickled, which is against the rules. Please?"

"I really wish that we could risk it, Fluttershy," Twilight said, the soft edge of her voice sharpening slightly, "But this is You Laugh, You Lose. You saw what happened before. Everyone laughed at once and we didn't know who won. Do you really want that again?"

Applejack sighed, then spoke up, "She's right sugar cube. Laughter spreads quick as some kind of horrible coughing death-plague. We got a choice to make: One loss, or six."

Rainbow Dash gritted her teeth, "Isn't there anything that can be done? Can't your magic suppress it? Make things unfunny?" She paused, then added in a whisper, "Display images from shock sites?"

The unicorn shook her head, "Even the Princess wouldn't show BME Pain Olympics just to keep from laughing. She can only contain slight giggles that barely happen. Every laugher has to lose. That's the only way the game can be a coherent game. The only way to make this entire thing not incredibly pointless. You know that, Dash. While time isn't a big deal, why ARE you stalling, exactly? Did you laugh? Did you lose??"

The weather pony's mouth worked, but no words came forth. Fluttershy's voice, suddenly confident, filled the gap, "I laughed. It was me." Rainbow Dash gaped at the other pegasus, eyes wide with amusement. The pink-mared mane turned to look at her and spoke, once again hesitant because that's just how Fluttershy rolls, "It's okay. It'll be okay. I couldn't live with myself if any of you lost, and I totally lost. It's better this way."

Dash shook her head slightly, and whispered a single, "feelsbadpony."

Applejack's voice was grim, "She totally lost. It's a tough break, but Fluttershy's just too damn sheltered for her own good. She thinks LOLcats is funny."

"H...how can you... LOLcats isn't funny..." The pegasus trailed off.

Twilight Sparkle sighed and slumped ot the floor. "We just ran out of candy, and I'm not trained in candy magic. Even if I were, the candy would suck. Where can we find candy, Dash?"

"What? Why're you askin' me?"

The unicorn looked away, "I know you well enough to realize that you'd never just stand aside and let one of us lay a hoof on the pinata that your fillyfriend see they are in a relatiopship okay made to look just like herself and that I animated with magic to act just like her because she wasn't able to make it to our party today because she had to help an animal or something. Maybe intellectually you'd know that it's necessary to refill the candy supply, but your greed gets the better of you. Ask yourself, if we all really wanted candy, would you really be a huge dick and keep us from... from...."

Rainbow Dash rose to her hooves. "You're right." The mare's voice was hollow. She took a step towards the pinata.

Applejack spoke, "Fluttershy-pinata, sit up and put your head up against the wall. It'll be easier to smash your head open for candy," the mare choked back an intense desire for candy.

"I'm so sorry, Rainbow Dash. I wish we had thought to bring candy with us, " Twilight said.

The rainbow-maned pegasus looked over her shoulder to meet the eyes of the pinata that the mare she loved because this is a shipping fic and they love each other so very very much you guys built with her own hooves. Fluttershy-pinata had taken the earth pony's advice--she had to, she was programmed to, after all. They stared at each other for a while, I guess. Eventually, Dash found words, as insufficient as they were, "I'm sorry. I love you, but candy rules."

The pinata replied, voice steady, "It's cool bro, I'm a pinata. I am programmed to love being smashed open and sharing my candy. Besides, my AI chip is safely stored in my hoof. Fluttershy can remake me, and all I'll remember is the joy of fulfilling my function. Just... make sure no little animals get any candy. It's bad for them."

Rainbow Dash whispered, "How does a robot even lose You Laugh You Lose? This was a problematically programmed automaton." She took careful aim. One buck. It would be quick. Pinata-smashing was a foal-game, and she wouldn't let herself get embarrassed by being unable to smash it with a single hit. "Give me a blindfold, Twilight. I shouldn't be able to get to see. That's cheating." The blindfold came out.

Years of running and kicking clouds had honed Dash's muscles. She spun around a bit to get all dizzy like you're supposed to do when you play pinata. She reared up on her front legs, gathered all her strength, and kicked out. She missed, and it was terrible. She tried again and connected, and her hoof broke straight through the paper-mache head of the pinata, accompanied by cold sticky goop getting all over her hindhooves. It was followed by giggling from the totally alright with this pinata behind her.

Rainbow Dash reacted to Fluttershy-pinata's programmed reaction without thought. She reared herself again and bucked repeatedly, steadying herself and adding force by flapping her wings like some kind of wingaling pony. On her fourth kick, the pinata's laughter stopped because her torso broke, spilling the candy everywhere.

The weather mane's hooves dropped back to the floor. She stood shaking, totally humiliated that it took her that long. Her fetlocks were drenched with sticky strawberry jam; she could feel it beginning to dry. She wondered despite herself why in the fuck Fluttershy would put jam inside of a fucking pinata, and thought about how long it would take to clean this crap off of her coat and the sitting-room floor. She rolled her eyes.

Silence reigned. Internet memes began happening.

In the bright and well-lit sitting room, somepony gigglesnorted.