How do I efficiently present the record of Equestria’s greatest war? Two opposing sides clashed in battle, and lands far and beyond yielded to confusion and anarchy? If only such a simple statement was the truth. I’d be able to rest in peace if given the chance to retell this tale so modestly. But it’s apparent I’m not here to rest. No, I have taken it upon myself to reach the finale of this epic. Because at the end of this dark, zig-zagging tunnel is a glorious light. A light that once freed those bound by the horrors of jealousy and despair. Its truth set the overarching morale of this ridiculous account, and it’s become my duty to enlighten you all. The story continues, and I admit I’m pretty excited. Because finally we’ve gotten to the fun part.

In the proceedings leading to Spike and Rainbow Dash’s second date, the two halves of Equestria’s finest and not-so finest partook in grand preparations. The first issue to be fulfilled was the mass manufacture of Team headwear. Rainbow-adorned caps were produced and distributed to the members of Team Rainbow Dash. And purple caps with protruding green spikes were handed out to those submitting their allegiance to Team Spike. In the beginning, only a minority of the gamblers agreed to wear these conspicuous caps. Residents from Canterlot found the head attire unappealing and refused to be seen dressed in something so gaudy. Creatures from the Everfree Forest, as most were untamed and independent, despised being ordered to adorn any type of uniform in general. At this Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle grasped their roles as commanders of their respective lineup, and they both pointed out the fact that without a label defining one’s fidelity, nopony would know who to attack and who to support. There wouldn’t be any way to distinguish a member of Team Rainbow Dash or Team Spike.

After an hour-long campaign and numerous discussions, everypony invested in the bet ultimately conceded to Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle’s guidelines. The caps were then donned proudly, subsequently strengthening the sense of patriotism the two teams had established previously. Oaths and loyalties were conceived, enmity towards their adversaries raged amongst the hordes, and a foreboding aura of the confrontation that was certain to come about kept everypony on edge. Paranoia ravaged the minds of the impulsive, resulting in the creation of separate alliances to combat unanticipated assaults. Resources were scavenged for, and each side took the initiative to fortify bases throughout Ponyville. Goods and supplies were collected in bulks and stored away for future use. Unicorns polished their horns, griffons sharpened their talons, pegasi massaged their wings, earth ponies and mules stretched out their hooves, Everfree dwellers oozed an intimidating air, and an all-observant pink pony maintained an ear-to-ear grin.

Our favorite little bookkeeper, Pinkie Pie, never stopped giggling as she hopped about the town and jotted down final bets. Deep down she felt today was to mark a new peak in her party planning career. According to the pink mare, Ponyville’s inevitable clash was actually just Equestria’s biggest bash. Everypony acting so seriously only intensified the festive nature of this ludicrous situation. It was as if they were assisting her with the party decorations.

Nodding her head to the cloudy skies, she eagerly anticipated the arrival of Spike and Rainbow Dash. They were the guests of honor, after all.  The celebration was to begin the moment they appeared. And it was proving quite difficult for Pinkie Pie to refrain from seeking out and dragging the two back herself. She really just wanted the party to start as soon as possible.

It was all so silly. Team Rainbow Dash’s objective was to provide a proper, enjoyable date for the baby dragon and pegasus. Yet ruining said date was Team Spike’s main goal. Scootaloo and crew had reserved a small table at the most renowned café in town, and it was their job to ensure Spike and Rainbow Dash made it there safely and securely. Located in the vicinity near Ponyville’s centerpiece fountain – you know, for the ambience – the chic diner eagerly awaited the two customers. The café’s owners were faithful followers of the Rainbow Dash movement, and they were thrilled to play host for the coming date.

Team Rainbow Dash’s job was to give the cyan pegasus enough time to capture Spike’s heart, thus guaranteeing their victory. On the other hand, Team Spike was given a much easier task. All they had to do was continually interrupt any plans made by the other team. They were required to do so until Rainbow Dash forfeited the challenge. Of course, overall neither team would go down without a fight. And everypony, risk-taker and innocent bystander alike, understood this.

The suspense was palpable. Every provision undertaken further exaggerated the atmosphere consumed by oncoming war. It didn’t help relieve matters when Princess Luna informed Twilight Sparkle of the sun goddess’s involvement either. The night allicorn did not go into full detail about her sister’s actions. She left out a few mild specifics, like that of Spike’s near-death experience after being tossed over a precipice. Princess Luna could tell the lavender mare was terribly stressed enough as it was, so she didn’t dare risk breaking the poor little pony’s brain. Twilight’s sanity was a necessity for the night goddess.

Celestia’s star pupil couldn’t accept it at first. Twilight Sparkle’s teacher was supporting another side and purposefully going against her. How could this be true? Why was Princess Celestia aiding Rainbow Dash in her nonsensical ventures, let alone including herself in the bet? Twilight couldn’t wrap her mind around any probable motivations. Spike was just a baby who didn’t know any better, yet Equestria’s ruler deemed it perfectly fine for the dragon to be romanticized by an adult pegasus? What? How? Why? What kind of mad reality had everypony stepped into?

Princess Luna assured Twilight Sparkle that it was in fact the truth. Rarity, having been in their presence at the time, did not show any signs of faltering resolve. She seemed just as determined to be with her beloved as she had earlier that morning. To her, not even a deity could get in the way of her love for Spike. And when she realized this, she was convinced that no matter the circumstance, she’d take Spike home at the end of the day. Her little dragon was to be wrapped closely and snugly in her warmth. Their relationship of love would become officially recognized, and Rainbow Dash would finally back away from what was never hers in the first place. This was Rarity’s plan, and she’d combat any obstacle in her path to achieve success.

Twilight, Rarity and Princess Luna then began forming their own strategies to aid Spike. Once and for all, this challenge would end, and although they were not closely associated with the rest of Team Spike, triumph was still in their sights. Twilight, bothered by having to face off with her personal instructor and ruler, assuaged her doubting judgments through the power of persuasion. This must have been a test set by Princess Celestia. It must have been, right? There was no other reason for the goddess to ignore all of Twilight’s recent letters. The pupil didn’t really understand the test, but it was a test nonetheless…right? Perhaps Princess Celestia desired to see how her student reacted under overwhelming pressure. Maybe the goddess implemented this psychological examination to assess her skills in reasoning. That must have been the case!

You and I both know, though, that Twilight Sparkle was just in denial. Poor little pony. She never got a break, I tell you. She really needed a vacation.

What kind of strategy did the three come up with, you ask? Well, I’ll let you be surprised when the time comes, because now the focus is going back to the stars of this extravagant spectacle.

Spike and Rainbow Dash, the two chief competitors everypony had their eyes on, were finally returning to Ponyville. After having spent an evening together on an isolated cliff, the baby dragon and pegasus had undoubtedly grown closer. Indeed their familiarity with each other was much more pronounced than it was the day before. A special bond had been consummated between the two, but the durability of this particular bond was still in question. How strong was this new connection? Could it withstand the harsh realities of chaos?

Friendship in general has always been inflicted with trials and tribulations, and it is the strongest of friendships that overcome these threatening periods. The conquest of such hurdles leads to development and maturity. And in the end it becomes a force to be reckoned with.

So one may wonder…

Were Spike and Rainbow Dash truly ready for the war?

Was Rarity truly ready to confess her feelings? Was Twilight Sparkle truly ready to battle her mentor? Were the Princesses truly ready to match off? Was Team Rainbow Dash truly ready to breathe life into a budding romance? Was Team Spike truly ready to suck the life out of a budding romance? Was anypony truly ready for what was to come? Was being truly ready even a remote possibility?

Want to know the answer? It’s ‘no’.

Spike’s Rainbow Dash

“I don’t see anypony. That can’t be good.” Spike thought aloud, tugging softly on the cyan pegasus’s mane to grab her attention. “Hey, Dash. Can you see anypony?”

Suspended in the air, Rainbow Dash scanned the settlement directly below. Ponyville was empty and devoid of any life forms. The often bustling town now amounted to nothing more than abandon. It was as if it was suddenly neglected and left in stillness overnight. Only the quiet rustle of a passing breeze resounded, rendering the hovering pegasus chilled. Ponyville was a ghost town. But why?

“I don’t get it. I was all hyped up, too.” Rainbow Dash scratched her head in confusion. “Where did everypony go?”

“I have a very bad feeling about this. I thought for sure everypony would be waiting for us or something.” Spike said, goosebumps creeping up his arms. “So…what do we do now?”

Rainbow Dash shrugged. “I guess we see what’s up. Somepony’s gotta be around somewhere.”

Spike gulped apprehensively. “We should watch how we approach them then. For all we know everypony could be hiding so they can try capturing us again. Actually, now that I’m thinking about it this could just be a trap. I don’t think we should go into town yet. We should just wait and see if anypony comes out.”

Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes. “Come on, Spike. Don’t be chicken.”

“Hey, I’m just being cautious here. We don’t know what’s going to happen, Dash.” Spike argued. “Being impatient can get us into a lot trouble.”

“We’ll be fine.” Rainbow Dash rebutted.

“You say that so easily, but you have no idea how things will turn out.”

Rainbow Dash craned her head to meet Spike’s gaze. Instead of sending him another tease, she produced a gentle smile. Detecting her friend’s concern, she figured consoling Spike would ease his pressures. If it had been a day prior, the spunky pegasus would have continued to badger the baby dragon until he broke under the mockery. She would have forced him to man up and take on the challenges ahead through blatant pestering. Yet at the moment she abhorred the thought of seeing him in discomfort. Spike held no fault in being a bit anxious, Rainbow Dash knew. Admittedly she wasn’t as confident as she would have liked to be either. Though not fully registering the situation never stopped her before. The pegasus was always quick to act first. She didn’t plan on losing to anypony’s schemes.

“It’s going to be okay.” She said calmly, holding her gaze. “I have your back, so you can count on me. Friends don’t let other friends down.”

Spike took a deep breath, pacified by the pegasus’s words. He needed to trust Rainbow Dash, his friend and present partner. If anypony was going to save him in the nick of time, it was her. And if he learned anything from the past twenty-four hours, it was that she would be there for her friends, no matter how dire the condition.

Spike nodded at this, sighing. “If I call you’ll answer, huh?”

Rainbow Dash ginned. “You know it.”

Regaining his fortitude, the dragon slapped at his chest. Everything was going to be alright. As long as he had Rainbow Dash by his side, the two could change the world. Their union was as sturdy as steel at this point.

“Let’s do this.”

That was the only signal she needed to begin her descent. After the two landed at the very eastern edge of town, Spike hopped off the pegasus’s back. They walked slowly through the desolate grounds, taking cautious measure to look about in all directions before making turns into crossroads. A soft eeriness exuded from the seemingly deserted environs. Each building passed presented no hints of sentient activity, which only served to further bewilder Spike and Rainbow Dash. There weren’t any merchant carts occupying their regular spaces, and businesses and centers displayed ‘closed’ signs on doors and glass-paned windows. It was also obvious to Rainbow Dash that no pegasi had come in to work for the day. Because almost every cloud in the sky had infused into each other to form an ominous overcast.

Almost every cloud.

“McCloud?” Rainbow Dash uttered, spotting her number one cloud isolated from the rest of the overcast.

“Who? Where?” Spike looked to the sky, expecting to see a pegasus or griffon. “Who did you see?”

“No, it’s just my…” Rainbow Dash started to say but instead cut herself off. “Nevermind. This is just seriously weird. It’s like everypony disappeared.”

“It’s more creepy than weird.” Spike shuddered. “What do you think happened yesterday after we left?”

“Beats me.” Rainbow Dash said, eyeing the door of a shop. “I’m gonna knock on that door. Stay back, okay?”

“Wait. W-what?” Spike clasped his hands together, watching the pegasus fly up to the door. “Don’t do that!”

“But what if they’re inside?” Rainbow Dash theorized, lifting her hoof to knock. “We gotta find out what’s going on. I don’t like being out of the loop.”

“Let’s just go to the Library then. You can knock on that door.” Spike insisted. “Twilight’s definitely there. She just has to be. Having her answer is much safer than somepony out of their mind answering.”

Rainbow Dash contemplated her options. It didn’t take long for her to come to a conclusion.

“If something’s going down today, then it’s going to happen whether we knock on Twilight’s door or not.” She made aware. “We might as well just get it over with, right?”

“But –“

“And when it happens...I swear I’ll protect you.”

Spike shut his mouth. Why had he yet again second-guessed her? It hadn’t been ten minutes and already he was back to doubting his friend. He had already been reassured that she would be at his aid. She had even made multiple efforts to alleviate his worries with kindness. The baby dragon then remembered what he had thought of the pegasus as they had laid beside the campfire. He had been touched by her many acts of loyalty. And at that Spike realized that through thick and thin, he’d continue to fight alongside Rainbow Dash.

That he’d be the one to protect her.

Rainbow Dash didn’t wait for a response. After tapping lightly on the wooden door, she paused and listened intently for any sounds. To her disappointment, only dead silence followed. Spike stayed mute, partially relieved that nopony had popped out and suddenly jumped the cyan pegasus. Unsatisfied with the outcome, Rainbow Dash flitted up to a second floor window and pressed her snout against the glass pane.

“Hello? Come out!” Rainbow Dash called out, still peeking inside the building. “I see you in there! Don’t think I don’t know you’re in there!”

“You see somepony?” Spike’s eyes widened, surprised. “What are they doing?”

“They’re, like, hiding behind furniture!” Rainbow Dash replied, knocking on the glass pane. “Hey, stop kidding yourselves! I saw you jump behind that cupboard!”

“If they’re inside, then they’re most likely others inside all the buildings.” Spike rubbed his chin, pondering. “But why are they hiding from us?”

“They’re all waiting for the signal.” Somepony from behind the baby dragon answered.

Both Spike and Rainbow Dash were startled by this sudden third party. On instinct, the pegasus immediately put herself between Spike and the newcomer. Who was it, you ask?

It was Scootaloo. A Rainbow-maned cap atop her head, the orange filly was completely alone and appeared strangely excited.

“Scoots?” Rainbow Dash blurted out, stunned. “What’s going on? What are you doing here?”

“Making the first move, of course!” Scootaloo beamed brightly. “I’m rooting for you, Rainbow Dash! I just know you’re going to win the bet, so I rallied everypony up to support you!”

“Rallied everypony up?” Spike repeated, stepping beside Rainbow. “What does that mean?”

Scootaloo ignored the baby dragon. “Is Spike in love with you yet?”

“Eh?” Rainbow Dash’s face went blank, a hot blush attacking at her cheeks. “U-uh…That’s…”

“We’re ending this bet, Scootaloo.” Spike crossed his arms assertively. “So there’s no more need for rallied support or whatever else you guys have cooked up.”

Scootaloo disregarded the baby dragon’s statement. As the official commander in chief of Team Rainbow Dash, she wasn’t going to pay any heed to the enemy. Instead she readdressed fulfilling her original mission.

“It’s okay! We’ve got everything set up for your second date.” The filly said to her hero. “You guys haven’t eaten yet, have you? Because we have brunch reserved for two at the most romantic café in Ponyville, Café Piccolo!”

“Second date?” Rainbow Dash’s eyes caught Spike’s. He was just as shocked as she was.

Spike shook his head at the filly. “Hold on a moment! What second date? We’re not having a second date!”

Scootaloo bounced, her wings fluttering eagerly. “Come with me to the café! The signal’s about to go off! They’re going to try to stop you, but I’ll make sure the Team doesn’t let them! Don’t worry, Rainbow Dash! We got your back!”

“What are you talking about, and why are you ignoring me?” Spike asked, frustrated. “Who’s trying to stop what?”

A strong sense of urgency boiled within the dragon’s brain. Something was not right. Although Scootaloo was the only individual to appear, already Spike was feeling like the situation was losing control. He and Rainbow Dash had returned to Ponyville in order to talk some sense into the eccentric gamblers. But he soon realized how little he and the pegasus actually thought things through. They really didn’t have much of a plan, did they?

It was when he spotted a Spike-capped unicorn pushing her deejay equipment in on a roller that the baby dragon realized how doomed Ponyville was. Vinyl Scratch, wearing her Team’s signature purple and green cap, carried her musical gear onto the grounds a few meters from their location. Two large speakers and a turntable rested on a thin platform with wheels. Once the deejay pony had found her appropriate place, she climbed into her spot at the turntable and placed her hooves onto the vinyl records. Her stoic expression turned into a wicked grin as her horn illuminated a cobalt blue.

“This is for you, Spike!” Vinyl Scratch shouted.

The turntable stylus was then shrouded by the unicorn’s magic, and at the moment it made contact with the disc’s surface, the ‘signal’ had been sent.

It had begun. Because the mixes booming out through those speakers were the wubs of war. Like the bugle alerting its soldiers to charge forward with all their might, Vinyl Scratch’s wubs alerted the bettors of Spike and Rainbow Dash’s arrival.

“They’re coming!” Scootaloo pulled at the cyan pegasus’s hoof. “Come on, Rainbow Dash! We’ll hold them off! But the sooner you get Spike to fall for you the better!”

Rainbow Dash released her hoof from the filly’s grip. “Whoa, whoa. Just give me a moment to think, squirt.”

“There’s no time!” Scootaloo squeaked. “Here they come!”

The reverberations from Vinyl Scratch’s surround sound system reached out to the town in one full sweep. On cue every gambler, hatted for their appropriate team, hopped out, skipped out, jumped out and flew out of their hiding places. Earth ponies and mules burst out of the edifices in heaping clutters, crowding around Scootaloo, Spike and Rainbow Dash. Unicorns took their positions atop roofs, pointing their horns on target at the three. Pegasi and griffons, having been concealed above the overcast of clouds, entered the battleground and circled their prey while suspended in flight. Everfree creatures – such as the Cockatrice, the Sea Serpent, the Ursa Minor, the Bog Hydra, and the Manticore – rushed out from the shadowed forestry menacingly, blockading themselves around the perimeter of the borough. Ponyville was surrounded, and the competitors of their gambles weren’t going to be escaping on their watch.

The entire horde stared hungrily at the baby dragon and pegasus. They pictured a massive pot of bits and precious stones lying at the base of a shimmering rainbow. Their winnings were before them, and they wanted it. Badly. And they were willing to do anything in their power to possess the grand prize.

Spike and Rainbow Dash gave their surroundings a quick scan before looking to each other. Their countenances didn’t sport any indication of fear or distress. Worrying for the worst case scenario was now a pointless endeavor, because it was now the reality. They were trapped, and they were being forced to go on a second date. If they were going to do something, they had to do it right at this very moment.

“TEAM RAINBOW DASH! GET THEM SAFELY TO THE CAFÉ! STOP ANY POTENTIAL INTERRUPTIONS!” Scootaloo bellowed out.

“TEAM SPIKE! KEEP THEM SEPARATED! DON’T LET THEM GET TO THAT CAFÉ!” Sweetie Belle, commander in chief of Team Spike, screamed out from a nearby rooftop.

Spike inched his head closer to the cyan pegasus, whispering. “We need to find Twilight.”

Rainbow Dash nudged the dragon onto her back in a split second. “Then let’s go find her.”

“THEY’RE TRYING TO GET AWAY!” Lyra Heartstrings yelled out.

Spike grabbed onto Rainbow Dash’s mane. “Let’s get outta here!”

“GET HER!”

“HAH! YOU THINK YOU CAN CATCH THE FASTEST PEGASUS IN EQUESTRIA?! CATCH ME IF YOU CAN!” Rainbow Dash barked, adrenaline pumping through her veins.

The first thing everypony saw was a blur of colors rocketing into the heavens. Too bad they were all expecting it, otherwise Rainbow Dash and Spike might have gotten away. Wave after wave of flowing unicorn magic aimed straight for the pegasus, successfully latching onto her rear hooves. One second the pony was gaining extreme velocity and the next she was snagged and put into an abrupt stop. If the dragon on her back hadn’t been holding on as tightly as he had, he would have been flung off like a ragdoll. Dumbstruck, the cyan pegasus struggled against the enchanted forces, flapping her wings furiously. However it was a futile effort.

As pegasi and griffons encroached upon the pair, Spike peered over to the source of the magic and discovered they were being held captive by Rainbow-capped unicorns. He recalled warning his friend of this occurrence, and started to think of ways to release Rainbow Dash from her shackles. Yet he couldn’t come up with a single logical solution. Was this it? Were they already caught? Had they run out of chances in life?

Fortunately for the baby dragon, a certain purple earth pony and her school-fillies had placed their own bets on him. Spike-capped Cheerilee and various foals had strategized a counter-attack that morning, and it was currently in action. In a prompt and organized fashion, the teacher and her students speedily climbed onto the rooftop of the predatory unicorns. They lined up behind each pony, who were too busy keeping Rainbow Dash inert to grasp their imminent fate.

“Alright, my little ponies, like I’ve instructed.” Cheerilee said sweetly.

In an instant the unicorns were tackled by a flood of volatile foals. Wrapping their tiny bodies around the unicorn’s hooves, the school-fiillies knocked over the helpless Rainbow-capped members. Their magical focus broke, and Rainbow Dash was free once again.

Her reflexes kicked in, and she twisted around a pack of bulleting pegasi, dodging their assaults by mere milliseconds. She wasted no time in creating a gap between herself and the rest of the threat, at the same time juking around waves of magic attempting to ensnare her. As she charged towards the location of the Golden Oaks Library, she was suddenly met by a drove of ravenous-looking griffons. The group was mixed with Rainbow and Spike-capped members.

Clicking her tongue, Rainbow Dash glared daggers at the adversaries to her front. She was going to have to somehow get around them – that or she broke through them like a karate punch through a plank of wood. She knew she could do it. She just needed to pick up enough speed and she’d crash right through the wall of griffons. The pegasus was then reminded of the baby dragon clutching onto her back, so she ultimately decided that wasn’t a particularly safe choice. She’d have to hope for the best and use another shortcut.

“Spike, hold on to me tighter!” Rainbow Dash cried over the roar of rushing wind. “We’re getting passed them!”

Spike did as he was told and wrapped his whole body around the pegasus, gripping onto her sides in a squeeze.

Rainbow Dash’s head swam, finding pleasure in the way Spike held onto her taut frame. No, wait! She had to focus! Focus, Rainbow Dash!

“Tighter! I’m not letting you fall!” The pegasus ordered.

Spike pressed himself firmly into his friend’s body, embracing the pegasus as hard as he could. Rainbow Dash let out a cute moan and licked her lips. Oh, that felt good, she thought. That felt a little too good. Spike holding onto her so strongly was a blissful sensation. And it was surging an unknown strength into her that she was happy to take advantage of. She was protecting him. She was protecting Spike…

“Time to rock and roll!” Rainbow Dash shouted.

She was a ballerina dancing on the world’s greatest stage. Rainbow Dash gracefully twisted around the first wave of griffons, spinning into a perfect spiral. She didn’t break the spin and continued to dig into the resistance of sky. After passing over another hurdle of beaks and feathers, the pegasus slowed her gyration and dropped into a free fall, allowing her to narrowly duck under prying claws. Spreading her wings for an easy glide, she smirked at two Rainbow-capped griffons still trying to catch up. Facing ahead, she noticed two Spike-capped griffons heading straight towards her. Oh, this was going to be awesome, Rainbow snickered.

One. Two. And Three! Rainbow Dash barrel rolled over the Spike-capped griffons, laughing as they crashed head first into the Rainbow-capped griffons. Not only did they collide, but they looked pretty stupid doing it! Getting back on tangent, the agile pegasus ceaselessly whizzed past oncoming griffons until they were all fumbling perplexedly to her rear. All the while Spike stomached it, forcing down the rising bile in his throat. All this whirling and twirling was making him sick.

Thinking she was scot free, Rainbow Dash giggled at her achievements. Nopony was going to be able to catch her! Nopony!

She was right about that. No ‘pony’ was really able to catch Rainbow Dash, but perhaps a familiar griffon of her past could.

Two sets of claws slammed into the pegasus’s belly, stupefying and sending her into an uncontrolled ascent. After recollecting her wits, Rainbow Dash hung in place midair and gasped at the sight of a Rainbow-capped Gilda chortling. Her old friend had been the perpetrator.

“Gilda?”

“That’s right. I know all your moves, Dash.” Gilda leered sinisterly. “Those bozos you passed up don’t know you, but I sure do. You’re predictable as always. So don’t even think about getting passed me.”

“Why are you here?” Rainbow Dash asked, eyeing the griffons she had left in the dust flying towards her again. “Aren’t you too ‘cool’ for this? Why bother?”

“There’s a lot of money riding on this stupid bet, and I’m gonna cash in on it.” Gilda replied. “Now get over to that café, sit down with that kid, make out with him, and I can finally get out of this lame town.”

“Dash, they’re coming.” Spike warned, his eyes on the griffons and pegasi closing in. “And they brought friends.”

“Get out of the way.” Rainbow Dash demanded.

“Make me.” Gilda taunted.

“We don’t have to do this.”

“Oh, we do. Because you’re coming with me to that café, even if I have to...” The griffron cracked her knuckes. “…escort you.”

Rainbow Dash tensed her neck muscles, mad dogging her opponent. She was running out of time; the others were going to catch her if she didn’t make a move in the next five seconds. Pushing back her bangs with a sneer, the pegasus gritted her teeth in frustration. There was no other choice. She promised herself she’d never do this unless it was an absolute emergency. And that seemed to be now.

Lifting her hooves to her chest, the pegasus took on a fighting stance. As a black belt in karate, she was confident in her self-defense skills. What she was about to do was purely self-defense, Rainbow Dash assured herself. Not only was she guarding her own livelihood but Spike’s as well. This was it. She was fighting her way out.

Rainbow Dash flexed her toned muscles. “Come at me, bro.”

Gilda snorted and hurtled straight for the pegasus. She was quick. But Rainbow Dash was quicker. Pivoting swiftly, the pegasus coiled behind the griffon and shot a hoof into her back. It wasn’t meant to inflict pain, rather bring the attacker off balance. It did the job, because Gilda was taken completely by surprise and somersaulted wildly until coming to a halt. Humiliated beyond belief, the griffon grew increasingly agitated.

“RAINBOW DASH!” Gilda growled loudly.

An opening had been made for the pegasus, so when Gilda looked her target was already gone. It had also given Spike-capped pegasi enough time to fly up and apprehend the griffon. They weren’t allowing her another opportunity to strike.

“Get your hooves off of me!” Gilda thundered angrily, struggling under the weight of the pegasi. “GET OFF OF ME!”

Thankful she didn’t have to use much energy in the conflict, Rainbow Dash sped onwards. She was almost there! The Golden Oaks Library was in her sights! She and Spike were going to convene with Twilight Sparkle, and all would be right with the world! Somehow…

She didn’t have to think about how, though. That’s what Twilight Sparkle was for, anyway.

“Thank Celestia that’s over!” Spike praised, exhaling.

“I got you, buddy! We’re almost home!” Rainbow Dash said, setting her eyes solely on the treehouse. “Nopony’s got nothing on –!“

A sharp tug on her tail disrupted the cyan pegasus. What came next was her body rotating in the opposite direction she had been facing. What just happened? Somepony had grabbed her and threw her into a tiny spin. It had come out of nowhere!

“What was that?” Rainbow Dash panted.

Hallowed uniforms of blue and yellow materialized in her peripheral vision. Turning her head at the last second, Rainbow Dash choked. The most famous Wonderbolt pair, Spitfire and Soarin’, whizzed pass her snout, dexterously peeling off the baby dragon from her back. Speechless, Spike dangled in Soarin’s hooves and watched as Rainbow Dash became and smaller and smaller. Did that really just happen?

Oh, it did.

“SPIKE!” Rainbow Dash reacted and made chase.

“You got him! Hurry to the café!” Spitfire directed. “She’s going to follow us the whole way! I’ll have you covered!”

“The little guy’s squirming too much! I can’t get a proper hold on him!” Soarin’ complained, juggling the restless baby dragon in his hooves.

Spike wriggled in the Wonderbolt’s clutches. He didn’t enjoy being handled like a toy everypony desired. This challenge had gone on for far too long. Its termination had to be as soon as possible. He wasn’t going to stand for all this nonsense!

“Let go of me!” Spike protested, irritated. “Don’t you get how stupid this whole this is?”

“Calm down, buddy! If I let you go, you’ll fall!” Soarin’ marked.

Falling was the last thing on the baby dragon’s mind. The chaos of the arena he had inadvertently been thrust into was changing him. He wasn’t thinking clearly. Total exasperation was clouding Spike’s reasoning, and his impatience escalated to dangerous heights. Snarling at his own pathetic helplessness, the dragon opted on a risky gamble. Rainbow Dash would be there, Spike reminded himself. She said so herself.

Inhaling deeply, the dragon unleashed a burp of emerald flames, aiming for Soarin’s flank. To Spike’s amazement, the power of the fire persisted against the blowing winds as it burned the pony’s buttocks. Luckily for Soarin’, Wonderbolt uniforms were heat retardant. It was a proper feature bestowed upon Equestria’s military outfits. However, having his bum spontaneously combust was more shock than he could handle.

“HE GOT ME!” Soarin’ shrieked, still holding onto the baby dragon. “PUT IT OUT! PUT IT OUT!”

Spitfire was just as taken aback as her partner. As she patted fervently at the minute blazes, she was exposed firsthand to its resistant strength. The fire wasn’t going out, and she couldn’t understand why. Blowing it out was ineffective, and patting it out was fruitless, so what else was there to do? And then a new idea dawned on her. There was hope! Liquid also extinguished fire!

The Wonderbolt’s pituitary glands went into overdrive, and globs of saliva swished fluidly inside her mouth.

“AGGHHHHKKK!” Spitfire hacked. “P’TOO! P’TOO! P’TOO!”

That’s right. Spitfire was spitting on the fire.

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!” Soarin’ whined.

“SAVING YOUR FLANK!” Spitfire yelled.

Literally.

Spike’s plan worked splendidly. Because as Spitfire concentrated on dowsing Soarin’s flank in spittle, they were too distracted to notice Rainbow Dash snatching the dragon from their grasp. As they soared Spike repositioned himself atop the cyan pegasus, hugging her neck affectionately. She saved him, like she said she would

“Thanks, Dash.” Spike said, nestling his cheek into her mane.

Rainbow Dash shivered. Spike’s appreciation was the most she could ask for. The warmth in her heart bubbled lightly, a dazed smile appearing on the pegasus’s mug. She just loved the way he wrapped his small hands around her. If only he held her in this manner more often.

“I’ll always protect you, Spike.” Rainbow Dash muttered silently. “Always.”

Spike felt the vibrations from the pegasus’s throat, but he couldn’t hear what was said.

“Did you say something?” Spike asked.

Redirecting her attention, Rainbow Dash let out a laugh. “Setting his butt on fire! That was genius!”

“Heh. The more time I spend with you the more dangerous I become.” Spike simpered, grinning. “You’ve created a monster.”

“Hah! Isn’t being with me working in our favor, though?” Rainbow Dash made a smooth U-turn, heading again towards the treehouse. “Gotta give me props for that.”

Spike rolled his eyes, chuckling. “Being with you is what started all of this, remember?”

“I’m glad it did, though.”

Spike perked an eyebrow. “You’re glad we’re being hunted by all of Equestria?”

“No. I’m glad that…” Rainbow Dash paused and bit her lip. She needed to say it. She wanted him to hear her say it. Spike had to know how she was feeling. Or at least know a small part of how she was feeling.

The pegasus didn’t yet understand the truth of her passions, though she was fully aware of one thing.

“…I’m glad that we’re together. In this situation I wouldn’t want to be with anypony else but you, Spike.”

Spike felt odd about the manner in which Rainbow Dash had spoken. He didn’t feel uncomfortable, just odd. His brain and heart were sending him ambivalent signals, and he didn’t know how to process any of them. Why had Rainbow Dash used such expressive words? And why did they sound so sensitive? Confused and tired of his brain not giving any answers, the baby dragon elected his heart to take control of his responses.

“I feel the same way.” Spike said. “And as long as we stick together, we’ll definitely make it of this safely. I promise.”

Rainbow Dash smiled warmly. She was the happiest mare in Equestria.

“I promise, too.”

Those bound to the earth avidly observed the spectacle above. Members of both Team Spike and Team Rainbow Dash cheered over each other for their mates. At times arguments would arise and create heated environments, but that only occurred in small, scattered pockets throughout the town. It wasn’t until a muscle-headed minotaur, who had grown upset at the pitiful results of his team’s tactics, decided to take matters into his own hands. Because it was his actions that’d initiate the chaotic wave soon to flood Ponyville.

According to the minotaur, if Team Rainbow Dash wasn’t going to get things rolling anytime soon, he knew he’d explode into a fit. He had bet a whole bunch of bits on that cyan pegasus, and he wasn’t going to be left to twiddle his thumbs while on land.

Iron Will punched his fists together. It was settled then. No more sitting around and hoping for a miracle. It was true Rainbow Dash and Spike were in the sky, but that wasn’t stopping the massive beast from catching them. Oh, no. All he needed was something to chuck at them. He’d always been capable at hitting a bulls-eye. Even for a moving target.

His eyes traveled over potted plants and bells, though he shrugged them off. He needed to throw something bigger…something unique…something unstoppable!

Something like the Cockatrice.

By chance, the Cockatrice had left its post at the western border of town. Yearning to be a fellow spectator, it had entered Ponyville and had a found an isolated spot to slither freely. After the minotaur found the Everfree creature lazily pacing rings in the dirt, he bolted into a sprint and picked it up.

Disregarding the Cockatrice’s crazed squawking, Iron Will wound his arm and locked it, pinpointing his goal. On three, he’d propel the ammunition.

Three.

The minotaur’s nostrils flared in determination.

Two.

His bicep contracted, ready for the cast off.

One.

Cackling brassily, Iron Will roared. “You’re not getting away that easily! Hahah-AGH!”

Before the minotaur tossed the Cockatrice into a volley, he had been smacked in the head by three apple pies. The giant toppled backwards and collapsed to the ground with a thud. Chief Thunderhooves of Team Spike had intended to erase the potential threat, but he failed to stop the Cockatrice from being flung into the air. At least the buffalo had been able to take down the arrogant minotaur before any more harm was done.

Iron Will had lobbed the Cockatrice right when he had tumbled over. So his original aim went into a different trajectory, causing the Everfree creature to miss Spike and Rainbow Dash. The two never realized a Medusa chicken-snake was almost the last thing they’d ever see. If not for the interception by Chief Thunderhooves, they’d have been toast.

Meanwhile on the opposite side of town, a certain caped pony was standing before a crowd of Team Spike supporters. Her hooves raised over head, the Spike-capped unicorn bellowed out to the audience.

“Watch in awe as the Great and Powerful Trixie performs a most spectacular feat!” Trixie hailed. “A feat nopony has yet successfully achieved!”

“What is it, Oh, Great and Powerful one?” Snips asked from within the crowd.

Trixie smirked. “Taking down Spike and –“

“SQUAAAAAAK!”

You guessed it. The Cockatrice landed on the poor little pony, consequently turning her to stone. It had transpired too quickly for anypony present to react. Enraged by the fact that it had been hurled into the air, the Cockatrice’s mythical powers augmented to the point in which a second’s glance meant certain obliteration for its prey. And in this instance the Everfree creature’s prey was the Pitiable and Unfortunate Trixie.

Recovering from the fall, the Cockatrice flapped its wings and exited the crime scene, leaving behind a pony-shaped rock and an unsettling silence. The Team Spike supporters didn’t know what to think of it. Was this an attack from Team Rainbow Dash? It had to have been! There was no other explanation!

“Look what they’ve done! They took her out!”

“Pony down! Pony down!”

“It was Team Rainbow Dash! They did this!”

“We’re not gonna let them get away with this, are we?”

“Team Spike!”

“TEAM SPIKE!”

“If this is how they’re going to play it, then they have another thing coming!”

“We can’t just sit here and wait for them to pick us off one by one! We have to strike back!”

“YEAH!”

“TEAM SPIKE!”

“DETAIN ALL THOSE WHO OPPOSE US!”

“TEAM SPIKE, ASSEMBLE!”

“TEAM SPIKE, CHAAAAAARGE!”

And that, my friends, was chaos’s inauguration unto the throne of Equestria’s greatest war. I guess all it took for everypony to submerge into battle was a mare getting stoned off her flank.