Fun Fact: Hardwood is cold, even through a coat of fur.

Yesterday had not been fun, I’d had to fight Rainbow Dash and go through Twilight’s testing for the Princess... and feel like shit afterwards.

It was a strange mix of emotions, on the one hand, I was delighted that I had done so badly on the tests. I’d given it my best shot, but I’d still failed horrendously on more than a few portions of them and the few portions that I hadn’t failed, I’d had to work my ass off to earn. An honest failure, I hadn’t done unbelievably well just because it was me.

That in of itself made me happy almost to the point of tears.

But the way Twilight had reacted... it was... it left me feeling hollow inside. My heart ached at her obvious distrust of me... no matter how much I couldn’t blame her, no matter how determined I was to make it up to her somehow... the anger hurt. It was still better than the mindless adoration though.

There was a soft clopping sound as Applejack walked past me towards the kitchen, I didn’t raise my head from its place on the ground.

The cowpony had been rather... irritated... when I’d come the farm this morning. Both with me for even joking about doing work in my condition, but also with Rainbow Dash for assaulting me in the first place. Thankfully, it hadn’t been hard to talk her out of knocking Rainbow Dash around some more, Dash really didn’t need that right now.

When she’d asked why I’d come even though I was still hurt, I’d told her the truth. I needed to talk to Applebloom when she got off from school, the act had already been put off long enough.

I’d waited there at the farm, helping Granny Smith with lunch. It was nice to hear stories of Ponyville in the olden times while learning recipes, it was something I’d missed... something I’d enjoyed with my grandma back home, though they had been of our home, not of Ponyville.

… god I missed that sometimes...

The day had been slow so far, with my injuries and my magic as drained as it was, I wasn’t able to do much. The door opened and the filly’s voice called out, “A’hm home!” I lifted my head and opened my eyes, waiting for her to either come in here or for one of the other Apple siblings to send her in. I could’ve gone to meet her, but A). I’m lazy, B). I’m not eagerly anticipating this talk, and C). Dash had done a number on my shoulder and it’d been far worse this morning, walking was more than a bit painful.

My eyes wandered around the room as I waited, there were voices in the other rooms of the household but I couldn’t make out what they were saying. It was soon followed by a rather stark silence.

The sound of hooves against hardwood drew my attention to the doorway, finding a hesitant Applebloom standing there. I gave the little filly a small smile, her eyes swept over my bandages and she balked, making my stomach fall out. I tried to make my smile as reassuring as possible, “Come on, I’m not gonna bite.”

Her mouth moved soundlessly for a moment before she hesitantly walked over, coming to lay down beside me. I’d had some vague plan of what I was going to say, but whatever I’d been planning to say had just flown out of my head, so I’d have to make it up as I went, “Applebloom... do you know why I wanted to talk to you?”

“‘Cause ah followed you to y’er house...”

“Yes and no,” gently, I bumped my head against hers, “Now listen, I’m not mad or irritated with you at all, and I understand exactly why you did what you did,” she winced, “I don’t blame you, and you’ve probably been yelled at plenty for it.”

“Yeah...”

“I’m not here to yell at you or berate you. Just... next time you want to come to my place, ask please?”

“Ah’m sorry!”

“Hey, none of that. You have nothing to be sorry for.”

“But ya almost died!”

“I know, but that was because of the Timber Wolves, not you.”

“But... but ya wouldn’t have had to fight them if ah hadn’t been there!”

At that, I shook my head, “Applebloom, there’s no guarantee of that. Those Timber Wolves weren’t acting normally, they might’ve come after me if you hadn’t been there.”

“But... but ya wouldn’t have been... ya wouldn’t have been hurt so bad if ya weren’t protectin’ me!”

Again, I shook my head, “Applebloom...”

“Don’t ya say you weren’t hurt that bad! Ah saw ya! It don’t matter what anyone else says, ah’m not stupid... you were dyin... right over there...” there were tears at the corner of her eyes as she gestured with a hoof.

I sighed, “Applebloom–”

“Ya nearly died and it was m’ah fault...ah wouldn’t–”

A hoof placed gently over her mouth silenced her, “Applebloom, don’t blame yourself. Don’t. Were you doing what you thought was right?”

“But ah–”

I cut her off, poking a hoof against her chest and holding her gaze, “Were you trying to do what you thought was right?”

“Ah...” she looked down, “Yes... ah thought you were a bad pony...”

“Then you have nothing to apologize for.”

“But–”

“But nothing. Applebloom...” I sighed, “Look... I don’t want you blaming yourself for a choice I made,” she made to protest again, but I pressed my hoof against her mouth, “Applebloom. I made a choice to come back to save you. When the pack didn’t give up, I made a choice to hold them off so you could get away. And if given the choice? I’d do it all again if it meant you were safe.”

The young filly’s mouth worked silently for a moment, “But... you almost...”

“Yes, I did. But your life is more precious to me than mine.”

Her voice was little more than a small squeak, “What?!”

“Applebloom. I care more about what happens to you than I do myself. And I know for a fact that I’m not the only one,” I gestured in the direction of the kitchen with my head before turning back to her, “Your sister does too, as does your brother and even your friends.”

“Ah...” she gaped, very obviously overwhelmed. While I had no doubt that unconsciously, she knew that, I don’t think she’d gotten to the point where she’d realized exactly what something like that meant.

“Applebloom, when someo-... somepony says that they love you, when they mean it, they’re saying that your life is more precious to them than their own... and that’s what you should mean when you say it.” The young filly looked down at the floor, contemplating that, her eyes wide.

Today’s sage advice brought to you by yours truly. I figured that one out while brooding on the meaning of life and love after one too many bad girlfriends.

I said nothing as the younger... pony... as she contemplated what I’d said, and what I’d implied. I... I still wasn’t used to grouping myself together with ponies... I thought I’d gotten used to the fact that I was a pony over the past two years but... I’d have to think about that one some more it seems...

The young pony looked up at me questioningly, I gave her a small smile before gently nuzzling her, “I know it’s a bit overwhelming, but... just think about it. You’re precious to other people, just as other people are precious to you. Just...” my smile became more concerned, “Don’t beat yourself up with guilt over a choice someone else made... in this case, me.”

“Al–... alright...”

It was obvious that she didn’t know if she could, and honestly? I couldn’t blame her, but maybe if I... “I know it’s not easy, trust me, but... at least try? For your family?”

At the mention of her family, her eyes snapped to mine, and despite the urge to flinch away, I held her gaze. I couldn’t do the puppy-dog-eyes worth a damn, but I could beg. Her voice was soft, but it gained strength as she spoke, “Alright... Ah’ll... ah’ll try,” she gave me the smallest of smiles, one which I returned.

“That’s all I can ask,” stifling a groan, I pushed myself up to my feet, “Now, I don’t know about you, but I’m hungry, you up for a snack?”

“Ah-... okay...”

“We can make one while you work on your homework?” I was actually hungry, and I didn’t think it’d be good for her to just go stew over what I’d said on her own just yet. She really looked like she needed a distraction... and what better way to distract a CMC member? I looked away ‘coyly’ (blatantly), and idly (purposefully) mentioned, “Might even get a cutie mark in multi-tasking if you do it well enough...”

The little filly practically zoomed off, making me smile before slowly walking after her, ignoring the aching protests of my limbs. I had no doubt that she’d still be wrestling with her guilt for a while, but... if I could help her get over it in the least, it would be worth it.

Was it her fault that I was so messed up? Yes and no, mostly no. But with her guilt, she definitely didn’t need to be reminded of the parts that were her fault. She needed acceptance and assurance right now, not condemnation. She was guilty and honestly sorry for the mistake and its consequences, and that was enough.

A blonde mare met me at the doorway to the kitchen, her eyebrow quirked up and her voice soft, “So, how many times did ya’ practice them lines?”

My mouth quirked up, “Not enough it seems, that wasn’t what I meant to say at all.”

Applejack snorted, a small smile on her face, “Just try not to be so preachy next time.”

I smiled back before slipping past her to make sure Applebloom didn’t ruin the kitchen, “Duly noted.”

“Okay, your turn, my throat is getting sore.”

Dash laughed before flipping the page with her nose, something that I had yet to master. Her eyes sparkling the pegasus began to read aloud the next chapter of the first book of the Daring Do series.

A small smile was determined to remain plastered on my face despite the twinge of pain it caused the still-bandaged scratches on my cheek. This was just... really really nice. Laying with an interesting and attractive female in the sun, reading a surprisingly good book together, taking turns reading it aloud... did life get much better than this?

I didn’t know, and at the moment, I didn’t care. This was easily the best way to spend the days since my release from the hospital. Dash had dragged me out to read the books from her own collection and I'd been happy to read them with her. But we read at totally different speeds, so reading out loud like this made it so much nicer...

Laying my head on the ground, I closed my eyes, listening to Dash’s voice and the story she told. I’d insisted on us having this outside of Ponyville, no need to socially ostracize Dash for hanging out with me, I was still the new ‘Zecora’ around town.

But at times like this, it was a lot easier to remember that it hadn’t been all that long since I was an alicorn, barely a month. But... I’ve got to admit, at times like this? It didn’t matter if it hurt that ponies still didn’t trust me, because moments like this were worth it all.

With a groan, I pushed myself out of the bed, ignoring Droolykins kneading my withers from atop my back. He was still pink. Both because I didn’t have the energy to change him back, and because damnit, he was being a pain. A loveable pain, but a pain nonetheless.

My body still ached all over, three days after that ridiculous fight. Fingers to massage out some of the pain would’ve been delightful at the moment, but oh well.

I got a pot of water boiling, my eyes browsing through my catalogue of teas for something good before the sun was up.

I was up at this godawful hour for one very simple reason: To get moving towards the Apple family farm. Why? Because I knew myself. I knew I was a loner and a creature of habit, and I knew without a shadow of a doubt that if I didn’t get myself into a habit of going somewhere every few days at absolute least then I’d end up just holing up in my house.

There’d been enough of that for the past two years, now was time to go out and have friends, to be around peop-... ponies... and just enjoy time with them.

So even if I couldn’t help out at the farm yet, I was going to go over, get into the habit, and generally try to be sociable. Because Celestia knows I needed it.

… that’s probably literal by the way, she probably does know...

Okay, so I needed to pick up some more carrots, I was running low since I hadn't been to the market in almost two weeks, and then maybe some– PINK?!?!

Letting out a completely manly scream (totally feminine yelp), I scrambled back, falling onto my rump and blinking my eyes rapidly as my brain processed the situation.

Two orbs of blue and a sea of pink cotton candy. Pinkie Pie.

Oh.

That explained things.

“Hi Pinkie...?” Well, my heart rate would be close to normal again in a few minutes after that scare, why was... she... oh... right... party... that I hadn’t been able to make... Crap. Thankfully she didn’t look angry or anything, just... Pinkie like... Yes that’s an adjective, hush, “Um...”

“Hi Emmy-wemmy!” she beamed at me.

“Um... yeah... hi... um...” how best to put this... “Pinkie, about the party?”

“Your Welcome to Ponyville Party?”

“Ah... yeah, that one...” I shifted uncomfortably under her giddy gaze, “I know that I asked you to put it off before–”

“And you want me to put it off again while you recover?” she pouted, giving me a rather good set of puppy-dog eyes, making my heart clench. Less because of the face and more because I was actually guilty about this in the first place.

“Yes, I’m sorry, but um... Dash kinda made... well...” I looked down at my still bandaged leg, “Accidentally made it so I couldn’t attend... I’m still having trouble getting around and–” a hoof wrapped around my withers. When’d she move? “– I’d... um... yes?”

“Okey dokey lokey! It’s no problemo! We’ll just turn your ‘Welcome to Ponyville’ and ‘Emmy-wemmy isn’t a Bad Pony’ party into a ‘Get Well’ party too!” she beamed widely at me, giving my withers a squeeze, the warmth that swelled in my chest at her understanding easily outmatched the bit of pain at squeezing the sore muscle.

I sighed in relief, leaning slightly into her half-hug, “Thanks... sorry about all of this...”

“It’s okay Emmy-wemmy! Your Auntie Pinkie Pie totally understands! Partying while you’re sore is never fun.”

A gentle smile worked across my face before something occured to me, “Wait... aren’t I like, three years older than you?”

“Shhhhhhhhh! Don’t you worry about that!”

A wry grin, “... it’s four years isn’t it?”

She blew a rasberry, “Pfffffft, you age slower!”

“I wasn’t an Alicorn before I came here Pinkie,” I grinned.

“But your people are only adults at like, 21 right?!” she poked a hoof to my still bandaged chest.

How’d she know that? “Well, we reach physical maturity at around 16 -18.”

“Still older than a pony!”

“... right...” learn something every day... “Still got four years on you though.”

“Shhhhhhhhhh, that’s not important!”

Smiling at the paper in front of her, Twilight rolled it up with her magic, while his tests hadn’t been perfect to get him kicked out, the way his short answers painted him, Gary could still be extremely dangerous to have around other ponies, useful or not!

’This is good, once Princess Celestia gets my letter, there’s no doubt she’ll realize just how dangerous letting Gary stay here is and she’ll exile him! And nopony has to get hurt! This is the perfect plan!

Sure, I’d fully intended to come here every day to get into the habit and everything but... it was kinda boring. Granny Smith was nice and had some nice stories but... she slept most of the day and I couldn’t really work outside with the two older Apple siblings until my magic came back.

That left me with making lunch and trying to find something to do that involved as little motion as possible. There honestly wasn’t much, but as I’d laid there in the living room and going over the skills that I could apply, I’d realized that I could balance their books for the family. It was something that I, in my freely admitted strangeness, actually enjoyed.

Imagine my surprise though, when I discovered that the Apple family didn’t keep ledgers or books.

“I... wait... what?”

Applejack gave me a confused look, “... ah said that the only books we’ve got are right over there? Unless y’er talkin about Applebloom’s schoolwork...” she didn’t need to voice how weird such a question would’ve been to her.

“No! No... um... I mean the books you use to record business information like how much you’ve spent on things?” I’d asked the orange mare to see her books once she’d come in for lunch, but maybe they just called it something different?

“We don’t got none of those... why would we? We aint no bank.” From her look, she thought I was crazy(er than usual) for even thinking that.

“O-kayyy...” I thought they were a post-Rennisance-equivalent / pre-Industrial-Revolution-Equivalent society... that would’ve meant they’d have had banking by now... “Then how do you know how much to pay for your taxes?”

“By the bushel,” she said in a matter-of-fact tone, “Every tenth one goes to the Princess for other ponies to have.”

“Oh... makes sense...” I rubbed my chin with a hoof, contemplating that. It meant that the Apples were in a 10% tax bracket of some form or another... a gentle bump on my shoulder got my attention, making me turn to the cowpony, “Hm?”

“Ah asked, why d’ya wanna know?”

“Oh, I wanted to balance them for you if you had them. It’s something that I’m good at and I can do without... ah... aggravating these,” I waggled my bandaged leg a bit with a small smile. Applejack was obviously confused, but I had no idea what by, “What’s the matter?”

“Ah.... well, what does balancin’ books got to do with runnin’ a farm?”

“Well, it’s actually an interesting thing because...” I trailed off, something occurring to me, “Wait... AJ, what do you think I mean by balancing books?”

“Balancin’ them on y’er head or back or somethin’, what else?”

“... oh... okay, that probably explains why you’re confused...” no kidding, but... did they really not know about this stuff? Or was it just called something else? Or was this just the Apple family? “Um... okay, what I mean is using accounting and making sure your money in is better than your money out and to track your costs–”

“Whoa whoa whoa whoa there partner, are you talkin’ about them things those Flim-Flam brothers and their ilk use?” she gave me an ‘evil-eye’ at that one.

“... maybe? I honestly don’t know what they use so I can’t say for sure...”

“Ah’ve heard of more than a few farms that fell prey to a slimey businessmare that told them they’d make lots of bits just by usin some books and fancy mathmatics, but they was tricked and lost their farms, the businessmare long gone,” the mare, still sweaty from working outside leaned in, “Now, you saved m’ah little sister and you’ve been a pretty trustworthy stallion so far and everythin, but ah don’t trust them fancy mathmatics with m’ah farm.”

I winced a bit, “Ah, okay... the professor that taught me this stuff actually warned me about that. Lemme guess, the farmers that were put out of business were told to make as much stuff as they could, but stock kept piling up and despite what other ponies tried to tell them, they kept producing?”

“Ah...” Applejack blinked, obviously surprised. Then her eyes narrowed with what couldn’t be anything but suspicion, “Yeah, how’d you know?”

“Because my teacher warned me about that trick, among others,” the truth, no need for anything else, “See, the point of accounting isn’t to straight make you more money, anyone that tells you that or that you can make more money just because you have accounting is lying.”

The cowpony was obviously still a bit skeptical, but she asked curiously, “Then what’s the point of all them mathmatics?”

“To...” I stopped, my brain hitting a brick wall. Where the fuck to start? Especially to someone who might not know anything about it? Hoo boy, “Well... it’s a bit of a long answer actually... so I’ best try to explain it over lunch.”

“Sounds good to me, ah’m hungry.”

“If them fancy mathmatics can do all that, why don’t everypony use ‘em?!” Applejack and Big Macintiosh were both a bit agape at the list of things I’d scrawled out for benefits of proper accounting and budgets.

I coughed into my hoof embarassedly, I really liked accounting, I’d gotten my undergraduate in it after all, so I just kinda sorta maybe (totally) gushed about it to them, “Well, for it to be worth anything, it’s got to be accurate. And for it to be accurate takes a lot of work. Even then, you need to know what you’re looking at, otherwise someone like the... what was it again... the Flip Flap brothers can walk in and trick you with the numbers,” wrapping my magic around the quill, I dipped it back in the ink before making some quick T accounts on the paper in front of me.

“Like... for example, the very trick I think was used on those farmers? If you’re tracking your inventory and you’re distributing your fixed costs, the ones like taxes or insurance or food that don’t change based on how many apples you grow and sell, if you distribute that amongst how many apples you make, then you can make it look like your costs are going down like... so.”

I glanced up and it was obvious that they didn’t understand a bit of what I’d just done, “Ah... well. Basically, you need to know what you’re doing or someone can trick you with stuff like this. I wouldn’t mind doing this for one of you, I’d teach you what I was doing and why as I went along too so you could do it yourself.”

The two Apple siblings shared a look before turning back to the pages I had sprawled out in front of me. Applejack’s emerald eyes went back to mine, her face still turned to the pages, “But y’er sayin you could use these fancy mathmatics to make the farm more money?”

“That’s a solid maybe,” I smiled a bit before my face got serious, “To be honest though AJ, I don’t know, at least not yet. Again, the point of keeping these records is to find when something goes funny and figure out how best to fix it or when something goes right and how to do it again. I might find something that’s not obvious when you work every day or I might find that y’all are running the farm as good as you can. I really don’t know yet.”

Applejack looked back at the papers for a long moment, obviously thinking. Then she turned her head back to me, “You can do these mathmatics though? And teach’m to me to boot?”

“Sure,” I shrugged, “I think it’s a useful skill to have and I love teaching. I don’t know how useful it’ll be, but it might help.”

The mare slowly nodded, obviously still contemplating things, then her eyes flicked to me, meeting mine from under her wide brimmed hat, “We’re not gonna pay you f’er this unless we notice more bits around the house, just so ya’know.”

I smiled brightly. Smart mare, “No problem, wouldn’t have it any other way,” something occured to me and my smile melted into a cheeky grin, “‘Sides, I still owe you more than a few days of labor.”

Her eye twitched and she deadpanned, “Y’er the most frustratin’ stallion ah’ve ever met.”

I couldn’t help it, I laughed.

Gently exerting my will, I began to undo my bandages. It’d been nearly a week since I’d gotten out of the hospital, and while Dash had added another week onto my bedrest, she hadn’t done anything to make me keep the bandages any longer.

It was slow going, more because of my difficulty using my telekinesis than because of any desire on my part. Piece by piece, I removed the gauze and bandaids that had been put on me, apparently ponies didn’t use clips to hold bandages in place like I was used to, which made sense since such a tool worked best with more delicate handling than hooves and a mouth were capable of.

This meant that they’d tied the damn things, and knots weren’t exactly my specialty, so I had to go even slower. I was rather happy that I’d decided to do this in the evening at my home, I was more than embarrassed enough with just Droolykins watching me fumble around with my bandages.

By the time I was done, I had a solid stack of rolled up bandages, thankfully with no red. Red would’ve meant that I was still bleeding, but the duller, darker, brownish-blackish color that speckled the gauze was one I recognized as dried blood. Freakin nasty, but a good sign.

With a bit of a smile at Droolykins, I headed towards the bathroom to check the damage in the mirror. I didn’t used to scar easy, but... well, I wanted to be sure. Call it my little bit of vanity.

Hefting myself up and ignoring the ache in my joints, I placed my hooves on the sink and looked myself over, wincing slightly at what I found. My front right leg was a mess, no two ways about it. The hoof itself was nicked and scratched, the... well, the hair that draped over the tops of my hooves, the... fetlocks I guess? Some of that had been torn to bits and didn’t look like it was going to grow back, and a lattice of unpleasant looking scars worked all the way up to my knee. This was in addition to the old burn scar I had from cooking years ago.

At least the leg was still green and mostly covered in fur.

Where the one timberwolf had clipped my cheek were three broad scars. Those admittedly would probably look kinda cool once they settled down, but right now they were an angry, ugly red, still slightly inflamed with clots on top of them. Ew.

My back was a mess, I hadn’t thought that one wolf had been up there long, but thin lines of discolored fur and visible skin took up most of my back. It wasn’t a network or even a web of them, but there were a lot.

To say my stomach was a mess would’ve been understating things. The stitches were still there, holding together a mostly healed mess, a wide swath of my belly was currently without a coat, thankfully a light fuzz of green appeared to be growing, so with any luck that at least would be covered. My chest was surprisingly unmarked, little more than slight discoloration from the bruised skin beneath, Dash had done a number on me.

Mare was fast, really fast, felt like I was moving through molassas compared to her. Eesh. I really doubt I’d stand much of a chance against her without my magic.

Thankfully, most of the nicks and scratches I’d gotten had faded away to nothing, or at very least were hidden by my coat... but my back left leg... um... I hadn’t thought that wolf had messed it up that bad. It was an ugly mess, a not-insignifcant portion of it around the knee region had been turned into a networked mess of ugly scars where the timber wolf’s teeth had dragged around against my flesh while it had shook its head, savaging my skin.

Wincing at the phantom pain, I flexed the leg. Thankfully, aside from the general ache in my joints, it seemed to be mostly cosmetic, ugly clotting and inflamed red, it was hideous, but there didn’t seem to be actual damage to my leg muscles or joint.

I was unbelievably lucky. Sure, I had some new ugly additions, but I’d wear them proudly. They were honest scars, earned saving someones life.

They were proof that I wasn’t invincible, that I wasn’t perfect, and an assurance to my mortality.

That and I was just masculine enough to think that being a scarred warrior was awesome, even if it made me a bit uglier. I’d never been a horribly attractive human, never ugly, but never all that attractive, so it was no big loss.

… at least I didn’t think so...

I stared at my own face, turning it from side to side. I had no idea what descriptors to use for my own face, let alone whether or not it was an attractive one.

… man, now that was going to bother me for hours.

“Hey, Emmy!”

I looked up to find a multicolored mare gliding down to meet me as I exited the Everfree. I was a bit late today since I’d stayed up, Celestia’s sun was already rising and painting the sky a beautiful spread of colors, some that you wouldn’t have seen on Earth. I thought the faded green was a nice touch.

Dash was healing better than I was it seemed, she’d had to stay with Fluttershy the first few days after our little brawl. She could fly, but had rather obviously not wanted to try and get up to her house with her flight muscles as beat to hell as they were.

Considering that my chest still hurt? I didn’t really regret it, especially since it didn’t stop her from beaming at me and asking for a rematch. Crazy mare. Mind you, she’d probably get that rematch, I had trouble saying no when she smiled like that. But I think I’d try and get her to teach me some actual pony martial arts before we gave it a go. I wasn’t really in the mood to get my ass utterly whooped.

“Hey Dash, you’re up early,” I smiled affectionately at the pegasus as she approached. She was bubbly, energetic, and cute, it was always good to see her. The sudden widening of her eyes confused me for just an instant before I remembered that I’d ditched my bandages last night. Right.

“Whoa... Em... jeez...” she landed, her rose-colored eyes wide as she did a quick trot around, looking me over, “You look like you went through a war or somethin...”

I couldn’t help the snark, an amused smirk playing across my face, “Or somethin’ like fighting a pack of timber wolves?”

“Pffft, yeah right, like you could do that,” she teased, grinning back at me, taking a moment to run a hoof along my scarred up foreleg, “Gotta admit, they look pretty awesome, make you look like a freaking Warhorse or Battlepony,” her smirk became teasing, “They don’t help your looks any though.”

I snorted, stifling a laugh before placing a hoof to my chest and raising my nose in the air as haughtily as I could, “Well I believe they make me look rugged and devilishly handsome.”

Dash laughed, bumping her shoulder against mine, grinning broadly at me, “Yeah, you keep believing that big guy.”

Shaking my head with a smile and a small chuckle, “I think I will, thank you very much,” forcing my legs to move again despite the protests of my joints, the blue pegasus following after me, “So what brings you out here so early?”

Her face brightened and she pranced eagerly beside me, “Guess what I found out!”

“The Wonderbolts are coming to town?” I guessed, my eyebrow raised.

“No, though that would be so awesome, but nope! Guess again!”

“Um... no idea?”

“I found out that there’s going to be a new series by the author of the SIlverwing series!” her eyes sparkled as she beamed, “It means we can read it together without having to reread stuff! I mean, yeah, it’s cool to read with you and everything, but it’ll be way cooler to read something together that I haven’t read yet!”

An amused and affectionate smile worked its way across my face, “Sounds good. When is it actually coming out?”

“Two weeks!” she practically bounced in place, “If we hurry we might actually get through the Silverwing series before it comes out! It’ll be so awesome!”

I was just about to agree before I remembered that I had other things to attend to, my face fell, “Ah... we might not be able to hurry, I’ve got things to do...”

That really killed her enthusiasm, and it made her look so dejected that it actually hurt, “Oh... um... okay... um... what... what do you have to do?” she asked hesitantly.

“I’m doing some accounting for the Apple family, and making all the books from scratch while teaching Applejack what I’m doing is taking most of my days. I love reading with you, but I promised to work for them... and I’m probably going to do this for money once my promised time is done.”

“Oh... okay...” apparently it wasn’t whatever she’d been assuming as she seemed to relax, then irritated, “Ugh... egghead stuff. Reading’s one thing, but accounting? Seriously? Ew.”

A small smile crossed my face, “I did tell you that I was a nerd Dash.”

“Yeah, but... accounting? Ew. Seriously,” a look of confusion crossed her face, actually making her pause while walking beside me, “Wait...” I stopped, looking back at her over my shoulder curiously, “You’re teaching AJ how to do accounting?”

“Mhm? The Apple family doesn’t have any books or accounting records...”

“I... but AJ hates math! Why?” she gave me a suspicious look, one I didn’t totally understand but I answered her anyways.

“So she knows I’m not swindling her, and so her family can’t be swindled later... and wait, you know about accounting? She didn’t even seem to know about it...”

She nodded, “Well yeah, duh, I’m head weathermare. I gotta make sure the budget balances and everything, I also pass out the bits for ponies pay.”

I face-hoofed, “Right, duh, government worker. You manage the whole stipend don’t you?”

“The what?”

“The money that the crown sends, I know it as a stipend...” I started to walk again, a bit slowly to encourage her to follow.

“Oh! That, yeah, I do...” she began to follow alongside me, “I just know it as my budget.”

“Mm, so is that common? The budgeting thing that is,” I looked over at her as we walked around Ponyville. Socially excluded Rainbow Dash was not on the docket, “I don’t know how widespread accounting practices are.”

“Kinda, places that the Princess pays to do work have to do all the accounting and stuff, and a lot of the businesses in cities and stuff do it, but most places just keep track of how many bits they have... at least I think so, this is all egghead-stuff big guy.”

“I know, thanks though, that explains some things... I’m just gonna have to try and figure out why Equestria doesn’t have accounting like I’m used to yet...” I scowled as I walked, mulling the question over.

“Is... is that a bad thing?” the blue mare asked almost timidly.

“Hm?” I blinked, turning to her and surprised to find her so hesitant, “Oh! No, not really, just... confusing... is all. There’s got to be a reason, I’m just trying to figure out what it could be,” I turned to her, as earnest as I could be, I did not want such a nice and earnest mare to feel bad just because of a some silly word fumble, “Thank you for telling me that, it helps clear up some things.”

“Oh... okay...” a small smile returned to her face before she gave me a confused look again, “Seriously though big guy, accounting?”

I couldn’t help it, I laughed.

Dash had to go not long after that, still shaking her head at my choice of profession even as she went to work on her own.

Walking up the small roadway down the center of the farm I headed towards the house. If I’d felt up to it, I might’ve trotted or even cantered, but my joints still protested a bit at every movement and each time I brought my hooves down at anything faster than a walk I got a little stab of pain up the bones of my leg. Not fun.

As the house itself came into view, I could see both of the older Apple siblings setting up some of their farm tools for work. Applejack noticed me out of the corner of her eye, jerking her head at me in acknowledgement, still focused on the straps of the plow as she checked them over, “Mornin Emmy, almos’ didn’t think you were comin’ today.”

“Sorry, ran into Dash on the way here and woke up a bit late to start with,” I rubbed my uninjured cheek with an apologetic smile, even if AJ couldn’t see me at the moment. I was not staring at her flank... much. Scouts honor. And yes, I was a boy scout at one time, only for like a month but hey, its the thought that counts.

“It’s alright, ya’ usually don’t have to do work till after lunch anyways.”

“True, but I like to make lunch, and I think I might have a recipe that you guys haven’t tried,” a small but eager smile crossed my face. I liked to cook quite a bit, it was rather fun to me, and the look on someone’s face when you made something good was always worth the effort put into it, especially if the person happened to be an attractive female. I’m biased, I admit it.

I could hear the teasing smile in AJ’s voice, as she gave one of the straps on the plow a tug, “Welp, hope it’s better than the last disaster.”

I laughed, “Hey! I’ll have you know that I’m working with completely foreign cheeses! Totally not my fault. I had no idea that fetsil would catch fire like that.” Total truth. Hilarious truth, but total truth.

“Still,” nodding to herself, she turned to face me, still grinning, “Might be better if ya let Granny take th– holy horse apples!”

My train of thought towards a proper snappy comeback was completely derailed by her sudden exclamation. My entire body stiffened, magic coming to the fore as I reflexively readied to deal with the monster that had accompanied that exclamation for the past two years– and then my mind reminded my body that that wasn’t happening, that the look in her eyes wasn’t fear. It was something between surprise, pity, guilt, and something else I couldn’t identify, but not fear.

The moment came and went in an instant, and outwardly it showed as little more than a quick flash of tension, a widening of my eyes, a spark at my horn, but inside I was a mess. My heart rate had spiked and adrenaline had surged. Not fun. Hope I could get out of that habit soon.

Still, Applejack seemed to catch it, an embarrassedly apologetic look crossed her face, “S-Sorry sugarcube, but... ah...” the look melted into a sad one as her eyes swept over me, “Ah was just surprised is all... y’er... ah didn’t expect ya to be...” she gestured helplessly at me with a hoof.

I blinked before realizing what had startled her, a small smile worked across my face, “Messed up? Beat to hell? Knocked around?” I waggled my scarred up foreleg a bit, somewhat amused.

“Sugarcube!” she admonished, scowling at my attempt at making light of the situation.

“Applejack,” I set my hoof back down, holding her gaze even as Big Macintosh stepped up beside her, a similar and equally unidentifiable look on his face, “It’s nothing, really.”

The mare scowled, “You got all of... that,” she gestured at the still scab-covered scars that I had, “Protectin’ m’ah kin... it’s not nothin’.”

“Applejack...” I looked to the red stallion for support only to find him nodding in agreement with his sister. I didn’t want this, not their gratitude, not for something like this. Sure, I’d save Applebloom, but it was from something that I still feared might have been caused by me. I didn’t want them to thank me for that.

With a small groan, I covered my face with a hoof, collecting my thoughts, “Look... Applejack, what... what do you think these are?”

She was confused, and I totally didn’t blame her, I wasn’t sure where I was going with this either, “Um... scars...?”

“Well, yes... but other than that.”

“Um... no?”

“They’re proof that I did something right. They’re proof that I’m not some unstoppable juggernaut. They’re proof that I saved a life. Applejack, I know these aren’t pretty, and that even when they fully heal, they’re going to be rather unappealing... but... I don’t regret how I got them at all. And when I see them, I feel proud... so don’t you go feeling guilty about them,” I made sure to look at Big Mac as well, “Either of you.”

Applejack’s eyes settled on my scarred up foreleg, “But... sugarcube...”

“But nothing Applejack. We’ve already had this conversation,” and we have, at least three times so far, “I saved Appleblooms life, but you two saved mine, we’re even and no one’s at fault. Just because there’s some new ugly under the bandages doesn’t change that.”

She scowled at me, “It just don’t sit right with me though, ya saved our little sister.”

“You say that like you would’ve done something else in my position,” she opened her mouth to speak, but I cut her off, “And before you say something about not having a little sister to save, I do, but she’s not in Equestria, or about not being able to pull it off, honestly I didn’t either. There’s no doubt in my mind I would have died if you two hadn’t arrived.” the cowpony’s mouth shut with a snap as she glowered at me, “Anything else?”

“Only that y’er probably the single most frustratin’ stallion I’ve ever met,” she grumbled.

Unbidden, my best shit-eating grin swept across my face, “Only on-...” a pause, “... wait, what day is it again?”

“Tuesday.”

The grin was back, “Only on Tuesday.”

Applejack facehoofed and groaned, and from the look on his face, Big Mac was resisting the urge to do so as well. There was something off about the young mare’s body language though, I couldn’t name it, but something in me recognized it. The way she hung her head, the way her ears tilted back and down, the downcast eyes, the way she halfway stomped her hoof once she pulled it from her face... she was truly bothered by this.

The grin fell from my face and I stepped forward, ducking my head to gently and carefully bump her under the chin, careful of my horn and strength, my voice gentle and soft, “Hey, AJ...” I waited till her surprised gaze met mine. I held her gaze, trying to convey my sincerity, “Look... I know that my attitude about this makes you uncomfortable, but I really don’t think I deserve any praise for what I did. And if it makes you feel better, just being a friend, giving me a chance to do something with my life, to actually work for a living for once... that’s more than enough repayment for me.”

A number of emotions flashed across Applejacks face before she turned around, muttering to herself something about getting to work as she grabbed a hold of the plow, the tip of her tail twitching spastically.

Somewhat confused, I turned to Big Mac, finding him looking at his little sister with what was probably a mixture of concern and surprise. Gah, why did he have to be so stoic? I was bad enough at reading pony expressions and body language as it was.

Blech, I’d figure it out later.

Reaching out, I gently poked the more massive stallion in the chest, my voice gentle but serious, “Same goes for you Mac, just, y’know, without the nuzzle. No offense.” Big Mac swung his suddenly scrutinizing gaze to me, staring at me hard. I blinked, surprised by the sudden intensity of his gaze, shifting uncomfortably.

He examined me for a long moment, searching for something... but I didn’t know what. While normally unbothered by silence, the intensity of the larger stallion’s gaze as well as my confusion made it rather uncomfortable for me. My eyes flicked to Applejack, checking up on her before softly asking Big Mac, “We still cool?”

I had no idea what the issue was, my only guess was that I’d been too forward with his sister on accident, something that terrified me. As an older brother myself, I knew exactly what I’d do to someone I didn’t trust messing with my little sister... But, after a worryingly long moment, without his expression changing in the slightest, Big Mac nodded, “Eyup.” And with that, he spun on a hoof and grabbed one of the carts, beginning to pull the large hunk of timber and iron out towards the orchards.

Now thoroughly confused, I cautiously approached AJ, stepping up beside the mare. I opened my mouth to speak, to say something, but whatever I’d intended to say flew out of my mind at the what I saw.

With the morning light of Celestia’s sun behind her, Applejack’s mane was like spun gold, her coat glowing a blazing orange, her muscles like taut chords beneath her skin, playing a song of grace and power as she readied simple farm equipment.

God damn, she’d turn me into a fucking poet. Just... holy shit. I swallowed hard, pushing the feeling down, “Um...” Applejack looked over and some part of me inside quivered, I hoped that my coat covered up the light blush that was certainly on my cheeks, “Are we still on for the lesson later today?”

I couldn’t read the look she gave me at all, but she looked away, her voice soft, “Yeah Sugarcube, ah still want that lesson later.”

“Alright... I’ll have lunch ready for you when you come in then,” turning, I headed towards the house, but her voice stopped me again.

“Sugarcube?”

I turned, looking at her over my shoulder, “Yeah?”

“... more ugly?” she drawled out, raising an eyebrow at me.

An amused grin appeared on my face, and I wasn’t able to keep from teasing, waggling my eyebrows suggestively, “What, you’re saying I was something other than ugly to begin with?”

I couldn’t be sure in the glare of Celestia’s morning sun, but I think she just might have been blushing despite rolling her eyes and shoving me along with a hoof, “Just g’it ya varmint.”

Laughing, I couldn’t help myself, “So that’s a yes?”

Hooves smacked against my flank, making me yelp and scamper further along even as the mare suppressed a laugh, “Ah said g’it!”

“Yes ma’am!”

Turned around as I was, I couldn’t see the smile on her face, a smile of melancholy, of affection, and of a hint of guilt. I hadn’t seen the surprised, embarrassed and happy blush on her face after I’d first nudged her head with my own.

I had no idea what I was getting myself into.

Ignoring the bubble of emptiness around me, I walked through Ponyville towards the spa. Rarity had scheduled another little get together for herself, Fluttershy and me. It wasn’t in my budget just yet to go for a full suite of care (even if Rarity fronted half the cost), but it would be nice to get a massage.

This meant walking through Ponyville, which meant being reminded that I was the new Zecora.

This was a terrible fad and they should feel terrible.

At least the shop-owners didn’t disappear (for the most part). None of them particularly liked me, but my bits were good, and that’s all that really mattered in the end.

That and I didn’t have to dodge around ponies to get places, that was a nice bonus.

Given my relative height advantage over most of Ponyville, it was easy to see over the few ponies left between me and the spa to find the stark white and soft yellow of Rarity and Fluttershy standing in front of the establishment. With a small smile, I approached the conversing pair, conversing meaning Rarity talked while Fluttershy occasionally commented.

“Mares,” I said in greeting once I was within comfortable speaking distance.

“It's fine to refer to us as 'ladies' darling~, and there you aaaAAAAAHHH?!” Rarity turned and suddenly stumbled back, her eyes wide. My heart-rate spiked, reflexes kicking in, my muscles tensing and my horn sparking with magic all before I rather forcibly reminded myself that I should’ve seen that coming, that the two of them hadn’t seen me without my bandages yet and it was normal.

“I’ll be real happy when people stop doing that...,” I grumbled to myself as my heart rate slowly normalized.

“D-Darling?! What- oh... oh dear, your coat! Your skin!” The unicorn gaped, obviously aghast. Fluttershy beside her was equally surprised, but Rarity was the one to rush forward, quickly circling me, her eyes scanning over my skin.

“Oh how dreadful! Your delightful understated coat! Your mane!” her hooves began to press against me as she scanned over me, “And here! How terrible! I simply cannot let this go on!” I shifted uncomfortably as she circled around me close, her hooves and magic playing across my skin, this was uncomfortably familiar.

“Um... Rarity...?”

“I simply must make something for you Emeris! Socks?” her hoof trailed along my scarred hindleg, “No, it wouldn’t cover the entirety of this and it certainly wouldn’t look good on you... boots?” she pushed my legs apart slightly, her eyes studying me intently, “No no no, it wouldn’t work, ugh! These delightful hindlegs ruined!”

Okay, definitely uncomfortable now, “Rarity?”

“Oh dear, and your barrel! The entire thing is just- just... oh it’s terrible! All those muscles! All that definition! Ruined by those scars!” her hooves trailed along my side before she got in front of me, her eyes boring into me before her hooves came up to cup my cheeks, “And your face! Oh how horrid that such a thing could mar your delightful face!”

For the briefest of moments, it seemed like she was about to kiss me, and for that briefest of moments, I flashed back to far too similar attempts by other mares. I froze in place, my muscles tightening as I prepared to bound off, but then she was circling again, “I simply cannot let this stand! I will make something to help you be fabulous once again! At no charge! Ap ap ap! No arguing! I shall not allow such a delightfully attractive stallion to be marred in such a way–”

“Rarity!!” she backed up at my sudden volume, her eyes widened in surprise in direct contrast to my own eyes, wide in barely suppressed terror. My heart in my throat as my breathing came in shuddering pants, my next words were in a pathetic and soft squeak, “You’re making me uncomfortable...”

It didn’t take more than a moment for it to click, and I had no doubt that she knew exactly what the problem was, “Oh darling, I’m so sorry! I didn’t– that’s not what I was– Oh that’s not what I meant! I’m so sorry deary, I’m not attracted to you like that.”

Swallowing, I nodded, my heart rate starting to slow, even as Rarity apologized, “Oh, Emeris... I’m so sorry darling, I know how that sounds but I’m just...” she stopped herself, taking a slow, calming breath. “Emeris, you’re a very attractive stallion, but you’re not my type and I’m not attracted to you like that. I’m sorry, I didn’t... I wasn’t thinking about how it might seem...”

I shook my head, “Don’t-... don’t blame yourself, I didn’t realize it was going to... I’m usually better about that... it....” I had to take a moment of my own to steady my breathing, “It usually doesn’t bother me when you do your clothes thing, it just... it was so sudden and you were all over me... let’s just... can we just pretend that never happened...?” that last part came out far weaker, far more like begging than I was honestly comfortable with.

I’d just had a fucking episode because Rarity had gushed over me. This shouldn’t be swept under the rug! What was wrong with me?!

But the unicorn gently rubbed her cheek against mine, her voice soft, “Of course, it’s no problem at all.”

I flushed, mostly in embarrassment at my stupid little episode, but I didn’t want to sweep that under the rug, that needed to be addressed, just... “I’m not saying I don’t want to talk about it just... not right now... not so soon after that... it just... ugh... I feel stupid...”

“Darling, I understand,” Rarity smiled gently at me, putting a hoof on my shoulder, “Just because I cannot sympathize does not mean I don’t understand.”

Her hoof fell away, and a soft warmth pressed up against my side. Somewhat surprised, I turned to find Fluttershy pressing her side up against me, her eyes radiating sympathy and understanding. My heartbeat slowed, the turmoil of emotions, guilt, fear, panic, shame, they all fell away as she smiled gently at me.

I don’t know how, but somehow, some way, Fluttershy understood. Her voice was soft and gentle as she somehow guided me towards the spa by walking with me, her side never leaving my own, “It’s alright, we’ll just have our get together and you’ll feel a lot better. You can talk about it when you’re comfortable.”

Rarity walked on my other side, though not as close as Fluttershy, “Fluttershy’s right Emeris, it’s completely alright. Our treat this time since I gave you that little scare.” She opened the door with her magic, stopping me before Fluttershy guided me in with a hoof on my chest, “But I’m still making you that outfit. Those scars are dreadful and I can’t just stand aside and allow them to go unaddressed.”

Opening my mouth to disagree, she cut me off, “Ap ap ap! No buts! I am the one that ruined your day by causing that little episode and I shall be the one to make it up to you. You have been a good friend and model so far, and ignorance is no excuse for causing that kind of fright! Fluttershy, would you be a dear and get him into the spa? I have to adjust our appointment.”

The pegasus nodded, already somehow guiding without guiding even as I tried to protest, “But... Rarity, I–”

“Ap ap ap! What did I say about buts? And don’t you worry your little head darling,” she ruffled my mane with a hoof, the action making me scowl in spite of the emotional roller coaster, “You can pay for your next one without a doubt. But I simply must make up for my mistake and I won’t take no for an answer.”

“Rarity.”

“Emeris, you are not a perfect stallion, but you are a delightful gentlecolt who has had a dreadful time of things. I understand that you dislike special treatment, I truly do, but my reaction was inexcusable and I simply must make it up to you,” she gently placed a hoof on my shoulder, “Please?”

My mouth worked soundlessly for a moment before I looked away, my words barely coming out as a whisper, “I really don’t deserve friends like you guys...”

“Now none of that darling!” her hoof bumped up under my chin, raising it higher, “You’ve done wonderful things, there’s no reason you don’t deserve a little consideration for your feelings, nor one to not deserve a proper apology. Now! Fluttershy dear?” The pegasus beside me nodded before gently pushing me along without actually pushing, guiding me along towards the spa proper while Rarity went to the desk to change the services we were getting.

I meant it, I really didn’t deserve friends like this. Sure, Rarity had made a mistake and caused a panic attack but... well... okay, maybe it made more sense to look at it like that. If I’d caused one of the girls to have a panic attack I’d be pretty insistent about making it up to them too.

With that in mind, I think that, for once, I wasn’t going to complain about getting special treatment

“-and I know that you distrust him my dear Twilight, but I can assure you that he is a good pony, a good pony who has gone through far more turmoil and pain than any deserves. While I cannot tell you to simply trust him I, as your teacher and mentor, ask that you trust me and my word that I would not claim him as one of my little ponies if I had any doubt as to his loyalty or his nature. Your Mentor, Princess Celestia.”

“Grrrr! Why doesn’t she understand?!”

Spike cringed away as Twilight stomped her hooves, her mane a frizzy mess. He’d seen her kind of like this before, but... there was something different about this time than the times before. Still, he had to try and head it off at the pass, Twilight hadn’t let her assistant meet the other unicorn yet, but if Celestia vouched for him... “Well, the Princess trusts him... shouldn’t you give him a chance?”

“Spike?! I- ugh. You don’t understand...” her rage faded, turning into sadness, “I can’t trust him... I know the princess trusts him but... he could be lying to her! He could be deceiving her!”

“Well, it’s not like you can get into his head and see what he’s thinking, so you’ll just have to trust the Princess’ word,” he pointed out reasonably.

Twilight sighed, looking about ready to agree... but then a light came to her eyes, a dangerous, maniacle glint that Spike recognized, “Get... into... Spike you’re a genius!”

“Wait, what? No! That’s not what I-” he was suddenly swept up in her purple hooves, hugged tight.

“Oh thank you Spike! That’s perfect! Celestia will definitely believe me if I can find that kind of evidence!” the purple dragon suddenly found himself outside the door, a small bag of bits in his claws, “Now you go run off and have fun, Rarity could probably use your help! I’ve got research to do!”

Then the door was slammed shut and locked behind him.

“... this is not going to end well.”

“Okay, so if you sold thirteen bushels of apples at an average of seven bits per five apples, how much money would you have?”

Applejack groaned, her head dropping to the table beside the paper. I shook my head, a small smile on my face, “Come on AJ, this stuff is the whole point of math, and you’re more than smart enough to do it.”

We stood together in the kitchen, papers and books scattered across the table. The young mare stood beside me as I taught her, the dinner table being the only table in the household big enough to do this work on. In the morning, I worked on compiling the books for the Apples between getting lunch ready, but after the older Apple siblings came in for lunch, Applejack would stay in with me to learn accounting.

Mind you, this first week was mostly basic arithmatic. While I spent the morning in the house with Granny, creating a lesson plan for my student while helping make lunch; we'd been spending a few hours a day at lunch or after the chores were done working on some problems.

Applejack didn’t say it, but I could tell that she’d never been good at math, to the point that it was a sore spot for her. I wouldn’t doubt that she’d been made fun of for her lack of math skills, she was extremely insecure about it. It was almost like she didn’t expect herself to be able to do it at all, which was beyond sad.

I could not let this stand. Asshole or not, I had a heart, and I could teach. She might never do calculus, but I’d teach her basic algebra and how to balance books, and I’d get her to believe that she could. An attractive and otherwise smart mare shouldn’t have a hole like that in her skillset, and she definitely shouldn’t feel like it was impossible for her because she was math-stupid. It was just wrong, and I felt like bucking the asshole that had made her think like that in the face.

Hard.

“Why can’t ah just count the bits?” she grumbled, her voice muffled by the wood.

I chuckled softly, “Because if you can’t do this much then it’ll be far too easy to swindle you with some clever math. That and because I’m teaching you,” I punctuated the sentence by bumping my hip against hers, “And I prefer practical applications for my math.”

AJ’s head snapped up, her suddenly wide eyes making me shuffle back a bit, “Um... is there a problem?” I’d recently realized that a large part of pony facial expressions were made up of their ears and their positions, but her ears were facing forward yet leaned back, I had no clue what that meant.

At my words though, something seemed to click in her brain and her ears went down and a moment later swept back before they were forced back into a more normal position. Sadness, agressiveness, and then forced normalcy? I really had no clue.

“It’s nothing sugar-cube,” she scowled, but... it didn’t seem to be at me... now I was thoroughly confused.

“AJ–”

“Ah said it was nothing,” she said sharply, cutting me off and this time scowling at me hard.

I swallowed, letting it drop. I didn’t know what brought that on, but there was no doubt that Applejack wasn’t willing to talk about it. Bumping hips like that was probably a bit more... ah... intimate than I’d anticipated and she hadn’t appreciated it. At least, that was my best guess...

Ugh... what in the world had I gotten myself into...

“Ugh! How can he–?! I just–! Why can’t I read his mind?!” Twilight screamed at the trees of the Everfree, finally far enough away from the small cottage to not be heard.

The purple unicorn snarled and bucked at one of the trees. The mind-reading spell she’d found wasn’t simple or easy, especially to reach it over a distance. But it was well within Twilight’s capabilities.

No, the problem was the target.

Trying to read Gary’s mind was like trying to dig through a mountain with her bare hooves. His mental defenses were simple, but so ridiculously strong that Twilight could barely make them bend. It wasn’t an issue of power, while Gary certainly had more magical power than he had when she’d tested him, he still only had a decent fraction of her own power.

No, the issue was three-fold..

First was his absolute certainty of self was a major impediment to any mind-affecting spells used upon him, something that was supposed to only come with years of meditation and soul-searching. While normally, a mind was like a tough but malleable clay, his was as hard as stone to external forces, yet was not brittle or fragile enough to shatter with a powerful enough assault.

But if that had been the only issue, Twilight could have worked around it. Every mind, no matter how strong, had its cracks, its weak points, its flaws which a skilled mentalist could exploit. Or at least, that’s what Razzerie, the foremost expert on Enchantment spells in the last thousand years had said about the subject.

The second was his raw magic-resistance. Gary was incredibly resistant to magic, nearly to the level of an alicorn like Candance. Sure, Twilight could breach that level of resistance, but it was another layer of considerable difficulty to the efforts. It made sense that a powerful Earth Unicorn had considerable magic resistance, especially one skilled in counter-magic and reality calcification like he was. But it was still another, completely unavoidable issue.

The final problem was one that baffled the lavender mare. His mind had no weak points that she could exploit.

It wasn’t that there weren’t any weak points, she could feel that they were somewhere, and she had even found two! The problem was that she couldn’t exploit them in the least! One of the flaws was filled in with a magic that could only be Princess Celestia’s, and while Twilight had a feeling she could have unraveled the magic and exploited the flaw, she wasn’t about to undo it. It might even be the reason the Princess (misguidedly) trusted him and Twilight wasn’t about to take that risk.

The other flaw that she could find was just strange. In the mental landscape of metaphor and allusion, it was a puzzle door with a missing piece. This was a very common mental defense ponies would unconsciously develop in response to repeated mental probing, the only way to get through was to provide the appropriate mental trigger, the mental ‘key’ so to speak. The problem was that Twilight couldn’t even understand what the key was!

The puzzle was right in front of her, but the key would be something Not and Is, the color of vile, the smell of black, the sound of clouds, the sight of the heartbeat of the earth, the voice of death and the song of madness. It was all of those things at once, and Twilight just couldn’t form the key.

Twilight couldn’t even begin to conceptualize such a thing, let alone one thing that encompassed all of those.

It was just a glimpse of the strangeness of his mind. The mere fact that she hadn’t found the other cracks of his mind, despite feeling their existence was evidence enough. She couldn’t find any of the normal flaws or cracks in a sane beings mind... and not even any of the ones in a crazy ponies mind! She’d studied those just in case Gary was as insane as she feared!

But nothing. Nada. None. Zilch. Zero. Zip.

The unicorn groaned, her head thunking against one of the trees.

She couldn’t overpower that mental defense, she wasn’t sure she could muster up enough raw power past his magic resistance to just batter through them, and his mind had no exploitable weak points! The only weak points were one that Celestia herself had sealed up and one that she couldn’t know the key to unless she was Gary! And it wasn’t like she could just be the Earth Unicorn to... see...

Twilight’s eyes snapped open.

… who says she couldn’t just be him? Just for a little bit? Just to get past his mental defenses? Just to see whether or not he was telling the truth?

… this required research

Ugh, what a weird dream...

The smell of lavender and blueberries, the taste of grass, the shaking of the earth... weird. It had flashes of nightmare-ness to it, but I couldn't remember any details... well whatever.

I yawned, rolling around in my cocoon of blankets to glance at the window. Still night time, had plenty of time until I had to wake up and head to the Apple farm... eh... sleep then.

“Nope!” I laughed, saying in a sing-song voice, “Nope nope nope nope nope nope nope.”

Applejack growled, getting her legs beneath her and shoving up, trying to roll us over and dislodge me, making me laugh harder. I tightened my grip around her chest and rolled with her through the leaves, landing back in the same position we’d been in before.

I couldn’t help it, I chuckled as I kept Applejack pinned.

“Wooooo! Go Applejack!”

I mock scowled at the nearby pegasus, “Hey! Aren’t you supposed to be on my side?!”

“Mares before colts big guy!” Dash laughed, “Mares before colts!”

“Aww come on– whoa!” the cowpony had reached up with her hooves, hooking them behind my head, a quick twist of her barrel sending me flipping over and onto my back. As the world reoriented itself, an orange mare suddenly filled my vision, her forelegs pinning mine to the ground as she grinned fiercely at me, “Gotcha ya varmint!”

“Aj! Watch out for the-!”

Too late. Before AJ could process Dash’s warning, I’d given my barrel a twist, flexing my muscles and using my legs as alternating counterweights to rock the cowpony above me off balance. A forceful flick of my legs and a flexing of my stomach sent us rolling once again, a tangle of limbs, but a tangle of limbs only one of us had been expecting.

It was a relatively simple matter to use AJ’s surprise to pin her again, this time on her back. I simply lay across her chest perpendicular to her body, pinning her forelegs against her. In spite of myself, I probably looked rather smug.

The young mare’s eyes widened as she processed the sudden turn of events, “Wh-What in tarnation?!”

Dash on the other hand, was barely stifling a laugh, “I tried to warn you! Even I can’t out-wrestle the big guy!”

Applejack squirmed beneath me, but I just settled a bit more. Her back legs kicked, she flexed her back to try and dislodge me, but with her forelegs pinned and her back legs unable to flex far enough to get leverage there was no way for her to dislodge my noticeably larger form. Eventually she gave up, Dash still snickering into her hoof as Applejack harrumphed indignantly at me, scowling up at me even as I grinned down at her.

The two weeks bedrest for me was almost up and I'd been coming out to help around the farm at least with my magic. But Dash had come around and, in her rambunctious and go-getter way, roped Applejack and me into a wrestling match. It'd started as Dash vs. AJ, which had ended with Applejack's victory, but then Dash had had to go on about how I was a better wrestler than her and there was no way AJ could beat me...

While I consider myself immune to the 'puppy dog eyes', it had sounded fun.

And I’ll admit it, I was curious about whether I really was as good as Dash said I was or not...

And, well, my grin was far too smug right now. But I’d had fun wrestling, and as tired as I was getting, keeping the energetic and feisty mare pinned, it was nice to just rest, even if it meant staying atop her, chest to chest.

… oh who am I kidding, especially if that’s how I got to rest.

“So, give up?”

AJ snorted, scowling up at me all the harder for a moment before a sly grin spread across her face, one that quickly became worryingly devious, “Not yet sugar.”

“Oh real– Ow! Ow ow ow ow ow!!” quicker than I could react at the odd angle, Applejack had lunged her head up and caught the tip of my ear between her teeth! Much like when someone tugged on an ear as a human, my body just rolled with it to try and keep as little pressure on the ear as possible. Unfortunately, this meant freeing Applejack.

Once again we tumbled, a tangle of limbs rolling through the grass and leaves as Dash laughed uproariously. And once again, only one of us had been prepared for it and quickly pinned the other. Only I wasn’t so much pinned as I had a sudden addition, Applejack had wrapped one of her forelegs tightly around my neck resting on my back as I stood.

“Woooo AJ! Ride’m cowpony!”

“Hey! I take offense to tha–”

“Yeeeee-hawww!!!” a hoof jabed against my flank like a spur and my body automatically reared, Applejack holding on tight as she laughed. Wiith a somewhat amused snarl, I made a decision. If she wanted to ride a bucking bronco, well, I’d buck like a fucking bronco.

I tossed myself from side to side, kicking up my legs, twisting and turning, rearing back and throwing my weight around as harshly as I could... and she stayed on the entire time, laughing and holding on tight, Dash alternatively cheering for one of us or the other, obviously amused by my plight.

Evil, evil mares. Beautiful, but evil.

I kicked and threw myself from side to side, I tried to run in a tight circle, I tried a purely vertical jump, nothing was working. If anything, it made the two mares laugh harder as I basically worked myself into exhaustion.

Well, this wasn’t working.

Panting, sweaty, an obviously amused mare on my back that refused to be dislodged... what else could I do to get her off of me? Aha, remember the horse movies from when I was a human. I reared back all the way and fell backwards. With Applejack as glued to my back as she was, there was little she could do but let out a yelp before I dropped on top of her.

I began to curl up to roll out of her grip, but before I could the legs around my neck tightened, and her hindlegs suddenly locked around my waist. Surprised at her quick reaction, I squirmed back and forth, twisting in her grip while Dash cheered. I flexed, arched my back, twisted and turned, stretched my legs out and tried to use them as counterweights....

But it did a whole lot of nothing. Applejack had me pinned, shifting her own weight so I couldn’t get in contact with the ground or roll us over, and locking me in place without anything to push against for leverage.

Sure, I could use magic to get out easily, but that’d be cheating.

WIth a sigh, I relaxed in her grip, throwing up my hooves, “Okay, I give. You’ve got me.”

“Wooooo! Go AJ! Awesome!” Dash cheered as Applejack’s grip eased up, letting me slide to the ground beside her, the two of us rolling to our stomachs. Both of us were sweaty, and apparently exhausted, the cute mare was panting almost as hard as I was. Dash smirked, “I’ve got to remember that trick, it’ll be nice to out-wrestle you for once.”

Ignoring the fact that Dash and I had only really wrestled twice so far, I stuck out my tongue at the blue pegasus, “She totally cheated.”

“Ah still won,” Applejack smirked at me, extremely smug.

Well, I stuck my tongue out at her too, “Ear pulling is still totally cheating you evil evil mare.”

I actually kept a straight face for a whole thirty seconds before I began to snicker, unfortunately, once I began to snicker, the dam broke and the three of us rather quickly dissolved into laughter. Giggling and chuckling, Applejack and I exhausted and leaning against one another while Dash rolled around, guffawing at my loss.

In time, the laughter faded into little chuckles, Dash still giggling as she said, “Nice, still gonna use that one though. Good going AJ! First time I’ve seen the big guy beat in wrestling.”

Said orange mare snorted, quite smug, “And you said ah couldn’t do it.”

“I didn’t think you could!” Dash rolled over onto her stomach as well, giggling at us, “I’m totally surprised! That was an awesome trick and I’m totally going to use that against him!” she grinned viciously at me and I blew a raspberry at her before giggling myself.

“Well ah did! Ah said I could and I did!” AJ nodded smugly, and I couldn’t help but laugh. The crazy, beautiful mare had beaten me, sure she’d cheated, but she had beaten me. I smiled over at her, stopping for a moment I realized that she’d picked up quite a few little shrubbery-based hitchikers.

Snorting, I grinned at her, “You did, but I think you got your mane messed up in doing so.”

The cowpony snorted even as Dash giggled, covering her mouth with a hoof, “He’s got a point AJ, your mane’s full of junk!”

“Well yours is even worse sugar,” Applejack poked me in the chest with a hoof as our breathing equalized, her coat glistening slightly with sweat, “Y’er mane’s full of leaves and y’er coat’s covered in dirt!”

I chuckled, “True... still...” I smiled a bit, “It’s more a shame that your mane’s messed up than mine...” leaning over I grabbed one of the more egregious twigs from her mane with my teeth and dropping it aside. I didn’t notice her stiffening, with my focus on getting the things out of her mane I couldn’t see her blush, shaking my head and picking the leaves from her mane I couldn’t see the sudden heartbroken look on Rainbow Dash’s face.

“Hey, I’d better get going... got... got something to do... yeah...”

I turned, looking over at the blue pegasus curiously as she stood, her wings slightly lowered and her ears drooping slightly. Confused, I raised an eyebrow at her, “Really? I thought...”

“Yeah yeah, just remembered something... gotta make sure the weather patterns are updated and stuff, forgot to do it earlier,” she grinned weakly, waving it off with a hoof before turning and launching herself into the air. I was thoroughly confused, I thought she’d cleared her schedule so that the three of us could just hang out and have a good rough and tumble time...

“Sugarcube, look–” the pegasus waved off AJs soft exclamation.

“Hey, don’t worry about it AJ, we’ll find some other time to hang out, it’s no prob, promise,” she grinned weakly at us before turnng back around, “Well, gotta fly!” and then she was gone in a multicolored streak.

Confused, I turned to AJ, finding her staring after her... our friend, a look of pity and hurt on her face, hurt both sympathetic with Dash and her own personal pain, “AJ...?”

Startled, she turned to me, mulling over something for a moment before pushing herself up onto her hooves, “It’s nothin’ sugar... don’t you worry about it none...”

“Applejack...?”

“Ah said it was nothin sugarcube!” she snapped, making me flinch back a bit. Then her face softened, “Sorry sugarcube... you don’t worry about it none... ah’ll handle it.”

I stood as well, “I... you sure AJ?” I looked at her curiously, unsure myself about this. It had been so sudden that I had no idea what had happened, just that Dash had flown away for some reason.

“Ah’m sure Emmy, don’t you worry, you just head on.”

I wasn’t sure, but she definitely seemed certain. Having no idea what to say or do, I just followed the directions of the person that actually had some concept of what the culture was and what was going on, it had the least chance of me fucking things up again at least. With a small, unsure nod, I did exactly that, heading off, walking towards the exit of the farm.

It was only when I was long gone that Applejack muttered to herself, staring off after her blue friend, “What is wrong with you Dash... he wanted you here too...”

Another day, another slight headache.

Applejack was a delightful mare, teasing, strong willed, snarky and down to earth. But that didn’t change the fact that it was hard to teach her accounting. I loved to teach, and I loved accounting, and I rather liked Applejack. But guh. Trying to work around her stubbornness as well as convert the lessons into something easy and more fun for her to understand? It usually gave me a headache by the end of the day.

That said, I didn’t regret it in the slightest. And from the looks of things, I’d make a decent living doing the work as well, yesterday was my last day of promised unpaid labor, and while I hadn’t been paid yet? It looks like I’d make meals and then some by working for her and her family.

Yay!

Crossing the barrier of sigils, I walked up to my door. The barrier was solid, quite possibly the greatest work of magic I’d ever wrought, but it parted easily for me. It was a simple exception-based runic system, are you allowed? Yes or no? Done.

The categories the magic searched for were written out in special runes that only someone wtih ‘op’ permissions could work on. It wouldn’t have been complicated to add in Applebloom, just add another age range and name to the system and as long as she was with me, she could’ve entered. The problem would’ve been the amount of time it would’ve taken to do so safely without accidentally locking myself out.

Still, the magic was powerful enough to not only contain the full power of my curse’s reality distortion, but it had actually suppressed it as well. If Celestia and Luna hadn’t already been okay’d for the sigils, even they couldn’t have broken in.

Thus, whenever I really thought about it, I was always thoroughly confused by how Pinkie Pie could breach the magic. Seriously, even saying “It’s Pinkie Pie” has its limits as an explanation.

Yawning, I pushed open the door, I had to clean up the house a bit, make dinner for myself and Droolykins and get to bed. Up and early in the morning and all that, “Hey Drools,
I gently bumped the cat with my muzzle, “Been a long day buddy, you ready for bed? ‘Cause I know I am.”

He meowed, licking my nose before interweaving between my legs as I walked about the house.

It was good to be home, safe, and just enjoying the calm.

Twilight watched quietly as the shadow that was Gary moved in the window of his home. Night had already fallen, but the Everfree around his home was quiet, not that she was worried. Twilight was under about six different cloaking spells at the moment, a combination of illusion and enchantment and reality warping spells meant to keep her from being detected by Gary. Keeping her hidden from the monsters of the Everfree was childs play compared to the magic she’d prepared to work against the former alicorn on the off chance he’d been faking the limits of his power.

She was waiting for him to go to sleep, just in case he might notice what she was about to do.

Breaking into his mind hadn’t worked, his mental defenses were simply too strong, but there was another way. Breaking into his mind would mean a one way link, but a two-way link? One which merged their minds? It was more dangerous, but it also could bypass far more mental defenses.

But the only way for this to be safe at all was if Gary was fast asleep, which was why she’d followed him home and was waiting for him to go to sleep. Once the former alicorn fell asleep, she’d be able to work on getting past the barrier the princess had erected around his home to keep his power in.

Twilight didn’t even try to examine the barrier yet for fear that Gary would sense it, and so she waited. Waited for the former alicorn to fall asleep. She counted the minutes until the light in his window went out (47.3), but then waited some more time to allow for the average time for a pony to fall asleep (15.8 minutes), doubled that just in case. Then she waited the further amount of time for a pony to enter appropriate REM-sleep before she stepped up to the barrier (82.5 minutes).

Slowly, she circled it, her eyes examining each sigil and their order, her magical senses extended to their maximum as she pressed her power up against the invisible barrier. It was honestly well crafted, the raw power behind it quite possibly exceeded that of any individual Princess and was well outside of Twilight’s capability to match. But that didn’t mean it didn’t have cracks.

The flaw was small, and not so much a true flaw as a quirk of the Hoofinburgian Aspect Checking System that was used. It’d taken nearly an hour to figure out that much, and once she’d discovered the flaw, it took her another hour and a half to properly figure out how to exploit it. The system checked the aspects of anything and everything entering it, and everything in existence was built from a combination of these aspects.

This particular runic system was built to only allow the breadth of purely Aereo aspected materials as well as nonliving materials within a hoofs-length of an allowed living material. The living materials allowed were very, very small, the aspect checking would only allow ponies that fit certain criterion through.

The flaw with the system though was that once a pony figured out the criterion required, it was possibile to project a bubble of the necessary criterion around oneself to fool it. It wasn’t easy, first a pony had to know how to read runic sigils in the first place, then to read a complicated, interconnected, self-reinforcing system to find the appropriate checks, and on top of that there had to be a distinct link between the caster and the criterion required. But Twilight was the only student of Princess Celestia for a reason, and it was quite possible to bypass.

Carefully, Twilight molded the magic to fit the criterion, to make her aura appear as if she were Celestia. She didn’t have the power to emulate her, but the barrier didn’t check for raw power, just the right ‘flavor’ of aura.

Wreathed in a tightly controlled golden power, Twilight slowly slipped through the barrier, feeling its powerful magics tingle against her skin even through her aura. Shuddering, she pushed on through to the other side before letting the magic drop.

Taking a deep breath, she walked carefully and quietly up to the door, pressing an ear up to it and listening. The only sounds was a soft snore and slow breathing, so after triple checking her cloaking magics, Twilight slowly pushed open the door.

The entire place was just a room and a bathroom, the bed wasn’t far away from the door. Gary was laying in his bed, fast asleep and curled up under the covers, an equally fast asleep cat curled up against his side, he looked so peaceful... huh, he had turned the cat pink.

Cautiously, Twilight approached the bed, her eyes locked on the sleeping Earth Unicorn. Slowly, she lifted herself up onto it, quadruple checking her wide array of cloaking spells to ensure her presence couldnt’ alert him or wake him.

Taking a calming breath, she lay down beside him, a part of her mind not in the tense worry about discovery or focused on her goal noted that he was big, but that was beside the point. Carefully, slowly, Twilight leaned her head in and pressed her forehead against his, extremely careful that her horn did not touch his own. This spell required direct physical contact between the caster and subject, but had warned about two unicorns touching horns during the spell.

As if she would ever willingly touch horns with Gary.

Twilight worked the spell, focusing the magic through her horn and through her skin against his, her mind reaching to his and pressing against the mountain of self that comprised it through his considerable magic resistance.

But... it didn’t work.

Her mind enveloped his, pressed against it, pulled at it, but it did absolutely nothing. It was like trying to make a rock absorb water like a sponge. Her mind simply didn’t merge with his.

Okay, this was surprising, but not a problem. Twilight had anticipated this! She’d done her research, and there wasn’t any one true version of this kind of spell, there were quite a few and some worked better for others, that had just been the most common one, she had plenty of others to try!

With that in mind, Twilight tried another spell, by rights she should have waited an hour for the previous one to dissipate, but she didn’t have that kind of time. She pushed another spell against his mind, again a failure as her mind pushed against his.

Again and again she tried, spell after spell. Each one failing against his magic resistance and mental defenses, each time her panic grew just a bit more as did her frustration. Any second now, he could wake up and discover her, any second now! And even worse, she was running out of variations of the spell to try!

She pressed her forehead against his harder, her eyes shut tightly as she poured magic into spell after spell. She needed to do this! To protect her friends! To ease her mind... she needed to know! Why couldn’t she just see what was in his head?! She pushed her mind against his while pulling at it as hard as she could, there had to be a way in! There just had to!

“Come on...” she whispered in frustration, as she poured mana into the latest spell, “Let me in!”

Making a sleepy sound, Gary pressed his head lazily back against hers... and did exactly that.

His mind opened up like a gateway, all of the resistance simply gone, and Twilight suddenly found her mind pouring into and being enveloped by his own. Her body’s eyes widened as memories and emotions assaulted her, past the fuzzy dream his conscious mind was experiencing, a turmoil of emotions and memories surged.

Twilight found herself far deeper in his mind than she’d ever intended.

Hands, two legs–

Fear and rage, running–

Friends, true ones and fake–

Her mind recoiled quickly, pulling away from the depth of memory, emotions surging through her that were not her own. She nearly pulled herself out, ending the spell prematurely, but she didn’t. She forced herself to collect her thoughts, her emotions, to collect herself in his mind. Bits and pieces of her self had scattered in the sudden entrance to his mind.

Collecting herself, Twilight tried to search through his mind, she hadn’t had an opportunity to practice the spell before this so she was operating on theory rather than practice. She tried to call to mind a moment he’d done something wrong, memories bubbled at the back of her/his mind, of nearly not stopping himself, of pulling away, of the minds of ponies bending around him.

No no no! That’s not what she wanted! She wanted times he’d messed up! Times he’d done something wrong! But nothing came up, nothing. How he’d almost failed to protect Applebloom, how he’d made Applejack and Rainbow feel bad, how he’d had a panic attack around Rarity and Fluttershy–

No! Back further! Back when he was an alicorn then! He hadn’t done anything bad as an Earth Unicorn, okay, but that didn’t mean he hadn’t been horrible as an alicorn!

Loneliness. Gaping, terrible loneliness. No friends, no potential for friends. Hurting good people that didn’t deserve it just by existing. The guilt, the horror at doing such terrible things by existing. All that power, all that energy, but all of that curse that terrible curse, the monsters and the destruction they always caused because of him, why? What had he done to deserve all of it? Nothing, nothing to deserve something so horrible, he knew he hadn’t, he’d never done something that warranted such destruction and death. Oh god, Celestia, why did others suffer for this? Why?

Tears were in both their closed eyes, the emotions, the horror, the guilt, all of them washing through their conjoined minds.

No! This wasn’t– Something had to have changed! He’d stopped being an alicorn–!

Pain, indescribable pain. Even the memory of it was terrible, every part of him was on fire, tearing itself apart beneath his skin, beneath the waves of power that were the spell– tears burned away with power– struggling to hold it in, to not release all of that power into the world, to contain the power of the earth itself– a memory worthy of nightmares–

Another consciousness began to return, confusion and sleepiness, magic? Wha–??! No! No no no no! He was waking up! Twilight had to end the spell quickly and get away!

Confused, foreign magic, he raised his head, an unconscious weave of reality calcification starting to form around him, their horns touched–

Twilight?!

Oh ponyfeathers.

Too many magics– the remnants of two dozen mental fusion spells, seven cloaking magics of varying schools, reality calcification, direct contact of inherent magical foci– two souls, mana impressions, linked through magic as the spell weaving them together exploded–

Consciousness left them.

A.N.)– No, I’m not that much of a tease.

Consciousness returned to me/us–

’Twilight? What was I/she doing here?’

Images flashed, memories– Trying to discover whether heIGary is evil or not, whether Celestia was right or she’d been tricked– mind reading magic hadn’t worked, maybe mind-merger? Remove the safeties and simply link up and fuse minds to bypass the defenses–

’What-?! Why?!’

’I/she needed to know! She/I couldn’t just let somepony dangerous stay around my/her friends!’

A headache, thoughts bouncing around, who was thinking, what was going on? I/We raised a hoof to our/his/her head, eyes clenched tight against the rising pain, groaning in pain.

’Why would you think I’d threaten them?! I know I hurt you/I/Twilight but they’re my/his friends too–!’

Memories flashed, thoughts, things dredged up, summoned by the question–

It faded away, my muscles coming back under my control, and as they did, the tears started to fall.

Oh Celestia…

C-Celestia…

I’d–

He’d–

Tears were pouring down my face as I began to sob.

He’d nearly mounted me!

I-If Pinkie hadn’t–

I sobbed on the floor, quivering and whimpering.

I’d liked it! Why?! Why had I liked it?! Why had I enjoyed the feel of his lips against mine?!

I sobbed harder, a strangled cry escaping me as I wept. I’d been so lucky… so ridiculously lucky…

Those lips gently pressing against my cheek, his hot breath against my skin as he tenderly nuzzled my neck–

I whimpered, burying my face in my hooves, trying to force the imagery out of my mind, to forget the sensations, the smell of a powerful, virile stallion just above me, the heat coming off his skin, those massive wings slowly encircling me…

He’d been about to mount me! And I would’ve let him! Celestia, I had been more than letting him, I’d been encouraging him! Another sob tore its way from my throat as I sobbed, snot was running down my nose and I didn’t care.

I’d been so lucky that Pinkie had scared him off… Celestia… if she hadn’t been there…

…

My eyes widened in horror.

Oh Celestia…

I was quivering, hugging myself tightly.

How many times hasn’t she been there?

How many mares had he taken like that? How many?

How many times had he used that magic to force himself onto a mare?!

I cried, hugging myself tight.

Oh Celestia…

How many times…?!

How many mares had been forced to watch as their bodies betrayed them? Had to listen to their own voices crying out? Begging for it? Betraying them. Lying for his pleasure? How many had felt their body betray them, felt those lies of pleasure at his touch?! How many others had he taken, all while they couldn’t do anything about it?!

I sobbed.

How many friends had I failed?

Our jaw dropped, hismyEmeris’ mind almost recoiling at the thought, ’I’d– I never–!’

Another memory, surges of thoughts and remembrances, emotions and situations washed over us.

Mares dodging around me, encircling me like sharks, each clamoring for attention, all of it fake.

I just wanted to go get some cookies damnit, why did I have to go through this every time?! They were small though, at least compared to me… maybe I could step over them… hey, it’d be pretty easy, and I wouldn’t have to push through them! It was a great ide–

Something soft and warm pressed against my sheath and I reared back, recoiling in disgust. At her. At me. At everything. What was–?

The mare I’d been stepping over had taken that as an invitation to orally molest me.

To orally molest me?!

I strangled the sob in my chest and launched myself away, not even trying to conceal the horror on my face. I felt… dirty, wrong! I felt stupid and evil and… unclean! How had I let that happen?!

The world blurred into white, and then exploded into black and crimson as I broke the spectrum barrier.

I had to get away–

–Pinkie, chasing me down. I’d duck away, open a door only to find Pink. On the clouds, I’d find Pink. Her tongue was all over me even when I threw her away. She didn’t want this! I knew she didn’t! I didn’t want this! Leave me alone! Please! I flew as hard and fast as I could, desperately trying to get away. There was nowhere for her to appear now… oh Celestia thank you… I didn’t know how much longer I could’ve- She appeared from beneath my vest and I screamed–

–all four of them?! They were all four begging me for a fivesome? I- oh Celestia, it was tempting- they were so attractive, they looked so desperate and wanting and damnit its fake I can’t even consider it because it’d be wrong and why is it so tempting?! I couldn’t remember what I said, but I’d said no, I’d turned them down. I’d walked away. Because no matter how tempting. No matter how much my hormones screamed at me. No matter how desperate and needy. No matter how clouded my thoughts from the scent of their collective heat, it was wrong, it’d be rape, no matter how I looked at it. I wasn’t a monster–

–I didn’t dare go into town right now, it was the week of estrus and it’d be too tempting. I didn’t dare–

–Somebody, anybody, please… help me!

“Fluttershy…”

“You’re going to mount me.”

“Nnng…” my brain tried to make my mouth work. It’s one word. One syllable. Two letters. Move the tongue and lips and form it damnit! I don’t want- Not like this! I’ve resisted this long! Come on! Work damnit!

I felt tears at the corners of my eyes.

Work! Tell her! Stop her! Something!

Help… I don’t want… I don’t want to hurt her…

Her nose presses against my own, her eyes staring deeply into mine, that terrible force pinning me in place. I can feel her hot breath against my muzzle even as I try and keep my breathing under control.

She began to turn around, her eyes still locked with mine, tears beginning to fall from my eyes.

“THAT IS ENOUGH!!!”

A veritable shockwave knocked me over, and the much lighter yellow pegasus was swept up in the wind––

–oh god oh god oh god what had I done?! I’d nearly- I almost! Twilight! Oh Celestia I’m so sorry! I’d nearly- I’m so sorry! I couldn’t- I’d forgotten! I’d almost forgotten that the curse is what made them do it! That hadn’t been Twilight! It hadn’t! No matter how much it’d seemed like her! No matter how much I’d wanted it to be the real her, it hadn’t been her! I couldn’t- but I’d amost- oh Celestia oh Celestia oh Celestia- please forgive me! I nearly- if Pinkie Pie hadn’t interrupted I might’ve-… I would’ve-! Oh god oh god oh god–

We were crying now, curled up in the corner, holding a pillow tight to our barrel as tears flowed freely, memories assaulting us again and again, Emeris’ mind couldn’t stop itself ’That’s– How could you think that I was raping them?! I know it might’ve been uncomfortable to ask but wouldn’t someone have brought it up?!

Again, memories.

I wanted to cry, to scream, to shout, I wanted anything to come out of my mouth but what was happening now.

Someone had mentioned Gary on accident, and that damn magic, that terrible, irresistible, unstoppable magic had swept over us. All we could do now was ride it out, singing his praises. Gushing mindlessly about how amazing and awesome he was. Talking about who might have had the honor of being mounted by him.

I gagged mentally, revolted, my stomach churned, and yet nothing outwardly changed.

Even when I tried to write about him! Even to the Princess! I couldn’t- no matter what I did! I couldn’t even try to sneak something into code! It was always that stupid gushing, begging her to take him on as a student or make him a prince or to make me his student, whenever his name was mentioned, that’s what it would devolve into… this ridiculous useless mess–

Another sob, guilt, fear, worry, shame. A turmoil of emotions sweeping over us.

Us.

We were there, together, one body, one fragmented mind–

No one had ever been able to talk about Gary, the loss of control whenever they tried to had trained them to never speak about him/Gary/usedtobeme, it’d been a habit to keep themselves in the face of that monstrosity–

Nopony had known anything about Gary except what they’d seen and the conclusions they could draw from that– Twilight had thought all ponies had been as successful in pursuing him as she had been– ’Everyone thought I was a monster–?! Dash hadn’t–

I couldn’t talk to anyone! What was I supposed to think?!

We sobbed, guilt, pain, fear, anger, our minds were a turmoil of emotions. It was hard to think, everything kept getting lost, who’s mind was it? Who was thinking what? Who’s memories assaulted us?! The tide of thoughts and memories, shame and pain... it was too much.

We curled up, our head and horn aching, clinging to the pillow as we sobbed ourselves back to sleep. Celestia, someone... anyone... help us.

Author's Notes:

I am, however, that cruel. Hope you enjoyed the end of this story arc! Also hope that the reveal of what caused Twilight to think the way she did/does was satisfying.

Bonus Round! What was the key to the flaw in Emeris’ mind? Cookies to whoever can figure it out!

I’m not particularly happy with the first section, and there doesn't really feel like as much time has passed as there is supposed to, but otherwise, I like the chapter.

Anyways, Autobots, Roll out!