‘Finally!’ you exclaim in the safety of your own mind. ‘Some peace and quiet.’

You take a deep, relaxing breath. It’s been a long day here in Narnia. Or wherever the hell you supposedly are.

Ever since you woke up, which you assume was around noon, dream-horses have been constantly visiting you. You don’t know why all these dream horses have been coming to your room and asking you basic questions, but they have.

And surprisingly, you don’t mind it. All of these little hallucinations are so incredibly adorable that you don’t care if they wake you up and ask you their abnormally simple questions.

Their eyes are huge! The way they seem to get bigger and smaller as they look at you and talk to you is captivating.

Despite the fact that you’ve been referring to the talking equines as ‘horses’ all day, you feel that does not do them justice. You’ve seen horses before. Most people have. And from what you’ve observed today, these ‘horses’ are most definitely not horses. At all.

Horses can’t talk. Horses aren’t bright colors. Horses can’t fly and use magic. Horses don’t have different colored eyes.

These horses don’t even look like horses! They’re too small, adorable, and they look… different. You don’t want to say fake. They can’t be fake. They were poking you earlier. You can’t put your finger on it, but just their general appearance is much different from the animals on Earth.

These horses behave more like humans than animals. Come to think of it, they are more similar to humans than animals. From what you’ve gathered, they have jobs, have friends, built and live in homes, and can go out to eat at restaurants. They even have bathrooms! What kind of animal has a legitimate restroom?

These horses even smell, for lack of a better analogy, like humans. Most humans tend to bathe everyday. At least a normal human does. You can safely assume that these horses bathe everyday as well. They don’t smell like shit! Which is abnormal, but everything about this place is abnormal.

Whatever.

You probably fell and hit your hit in the shower. Yeah. That has to be why you’re here.

The day began with talking to Doctor Feel-Good about the new dream world you will be in for the next few minutes, probably. You expect to wake up soon.

Then you talked to Rarity and Applejack; the ponies that ‘saved’ your life. It was very considerate of them to do so, but completely unnecessary.

You met their friends after that. Their crazy, hyper, poking, terrified, colorful friends. You were threatened by the rainbow one, poked at by the purple one, laughed at by the pink one, and the yellow one just ran away after seeing you.

You know you’re not the most attractive or pleasant person to be around, but you’ve never had anyone desperately run away after first meeting you.

She completely overreacted.

Then they all started to leave your room. Rainbow went after Fluttershy. Pinkie followed them shortly afterwards. Twilight asked to interview you tomorrow, which of course you said ‘yes’ to. Why would you say ‘no’?

Rarity and Applejack apologized before leaving you in peace. They offered to visit you tomorrow, as well. And you’d be happy if they did.

A very kind nurse named Redheart delivered you dinner a couple hours ago.

Which was debatably the most disgusting thing you’ve ever tasted in your entire life.

You don’t know what was on the tray. There was a cup of apple juice - which was the only recognizable thing. There was a pile of green… something. You don’t know what it was. You just know that it was disgusting.

They had jello, though. But it was purple. You’ve never seen purple jello before. And for a good reason, too. It was terrible. Like everything else on the plate, it wreaked and tasted like every food and condiment known to man was mixed in.

And that was it. That was everything on your elementary school-sized plate.

Maybe that meager amount of terrible food is sufficient for the small horses that seem to inhabit this land, but not for an individual as large as yourself.

You’re sure that the hospital staff will soon realize and correct problem. You’d prefer it if they just fed you threw a tube. It would save you from having to eat this nasty crap.

The food is probably the healthiest food you’ve eaten in your entire life. It’s hospital food, after all. But it’s simultaneously the most volatile substance you’ve ever had the displeasure to encounter.

‘This is the most realistic dream I’ve ever had,’ you think, again. Everything that has happened so far feels like it actually has happened. But that’s just how dreams are. They seem so real until you wake up, and realize it was only a dream.

For example, you had a dream where you woke up and began your morning rituals, before your alarm clock actually woke you up for real. You were so confused.

Dreams are crazy.

You ask yourself something that has been plaguing your mind all day.

‘What is up with all of these tattoos?’

The six ponies that kindly visited you today all had tattoos on their rumps. Rarity, Applejack, Pinkie, and Fluttershy all had a triplet of something on their rump. Twilight had a whole mess of stars on her. And Rainbow had one tattoo on her.

You don’t know if Doctor Feel-Good had an ass tattoo. His lab coat covered up his body pretty well.

Those were the only ponies that you met today. There are apparently a ton in town and throughout Equestria, but you never inquired as to if everyone had a coincidental placed rump marking.

Doesn’t matter. You’ll ask tomorrow. That is, if you’re still here tomorrow. You’re more than ready to wake up.

‘Guess I’ll go to bed,’ you think. ‘Not like I have anything else to do.’

You don’t have anything else to do. There is no television. There is no internet. You had your phone with you when you crashed, but now it’s gone. You have no visitors.

You only have a lamp and a clock in your room to keep you company. Turning the lamp on and off kept you entertained for a good fifteen seconds. And staring at the clock was fun for exactly 358 seconds. You counted.

You close your eyes and relax. You want to reflect on your day, but for the sake of calming yourself down, that’s probably not the best idea. Today has been too stressful and abnormal to think about before bed.

“Cutie Mark Crusader Zoologists! Yay!” you hear from the hallway.

‘The hell was that?’ you wonder, squinting your eyes open and raising your head slightly to look at the door.

“Shh! It’ll hear you!” you hear someone say in a hushed tone from the hallway.

“Yeah, and we don’t want to get caught,” you hear another voice agree. “Big Mac’ll tan my hide if’n he finds us here after visitin’ hours… again.”

‘Go away, children! I wish to sleep!’ you shout internally.

You flop your head back down on your fluffy hospital pillow and squeeze your eyes shut. You try to go back asleep, praying that the commotion in the hallway does not involve you in any way.

“All right girls, you ready?” another unrecognizable voice asks from the hallway.

“Hay yeah!” a second voice says.

“Absolutely!” a third voice squeaks.

‘Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!’ you shout in your head. You wish you could turn on your side or change your lying position in some way. But you can’t. You are hooked up to too many machines for that much movement.

“Let’s do this,” one of the voices says quietly.

Your vision gets a little brighter, even though your eyes are still closed. You hear a multitude of feet – er – hooves, on the tiled floor of your room. You hear your door close as your vision becomes dark once more.

“So what’s this thing again?” one voice asks, not bothering to attempt to stay quiet.

“Ah don’t know,” another voice drawls. “Mah sister wouldn’t tell me nothin’ about it. But Twilight said it’s called ‘humus.’”

“No she didn’t!” another voice cuts in. “She said it was called ‘human.’”

“Human? Really Scootaloo, have you ever heard a more ridiculous name?”

“That’s what it’s called, doofus!”

“Girls!” a different, much squeakier voice cuts in. “It doesn’t matter what it’s called. I want to see what it looks like!”

You hear their hooves on the tiled floor grow louder as they assumingly approach your bed. You haven’t opened your eyes yet, so you don’t know exactly where they are. They don’t really exist, so you don’t really care.

You crush your eyes closed and pray to your Lord and Savior that they just disappear and you wake up already. This is getting pretty old, pretty fast.

Your curiosity gets the best of you, and you finally open your eyes. The room is pretty dark, but the line on your heart monitor is providing a decent amount of light to illuminate your room pretty nicely.

You stare up at the ceiling. You want to move your head, but you don’t want the ponies in your room to scream and run away. That already happened once today, and you’d prefer if it never happens again. Your head hurts too much to be able to handle that much noise.

The sound from their hooves stops, and you assume they have stopped, probably around the foot of your bed. You listen as they continue talking.

“Fluttershy said it was so scary, she couldn’t even stay in the same room!”

“Wow…” the other voices sound amazed for some reason. “But, Fluttershy stared down dragons and cockatrices!”

“Ah know, so this thing must really be scary!”

“Cool!” the other two voices say simultaneously, as though looking at you will be the most interesting thing they’ve ever done.

Only problem is, you’re not scary. You’re rather friendly, actually. At least, you think you are.

You hear the sound of their hooves as they presumably meander to the side of your bed.

“Where do you think its’ cutie mark is?” one of them asks. You can feel them all begin to climb up onto your extraordinarily small sized bed.

“Duh! It’s on its’ flank!” another one points out.

Your eyes are still open. You tilt your head down slightly to get a good look at these invasive ponies.

The three ponies you see are very small. Even smaller than the ones that came to visit you earlier. They’re all small enough for all of them to fit on your bed, but too big to be able to move around without touching you.

The first one you see is an orange pegasus with purple hair. And no tattoo on its’ rump.

The second one is a yellowish pony with red hair, and an adorable, giant red bow in her hair. No rump tattoo.

The third and final one is a white unicorn with a purple and pink curly mane and tail. Also, just like the others, no ass tattoo.

Perhaps it was just a coincidence those other six ponies had tattoos? Maybe they’re in a cult.

It doesn’t really matter anymore.

“Where’s its’ flank?” the one with the bow asks. “It doesn’t look like a pony.”

“It’s not a pony. It’s a human,” the orange one says.

“Obviously. But where’d its’ flank be then?” the white one asks.

The yellow one pokes your sensitive waist. “I reckon it’d be around here.”

“All right, let’s get a look,” the purple maned one says.

They all grab the edge of your blanket before they begin to pull it back.

“Woah!” you yell, much louder than originally intended, grabbing onto your blanket.

“Hey it’s awake!” the orange one yells, smiling, not scared of you whatsoever.

“Umm…” you try thinking of someway to respond. You just wish that everyone would stop referring to you as ‘it.’ “Yeah, I’m awake.”

‘Why won’t they disappear!’ you shout in your head, as though focusing hard enough will make them vanish.

“Where’s your cutie mark?” the unicorn asks you, sprinting up to you so that you are both face-to-face.

‘The hell is a cutie mark?’

“What’s a cutie mark?” you ask.

All three ponies gasp, as though you just admitted you were a murderer or something.

“What’s a cutie mark?!” the yellow one yells, repeating what you just said, but in a much angrier and more rhetorical tone.

“How do you not know what it is?” the unicorn asks.

The pegasus cuts in. “It’s only the most important thing ever!”

“That still doesn’t answer my question,” you respond. “What is it?”

“It’s a symbol of who you truly are!” says the unicorn.

“A sign of what you’re meant to be!” the pegasus declares.

“It’s a picture on a pony’s flank!” the yellow one states simply, pointing a hood towards her rump.

‘Wait…what?’

“So,” you begin, confused, “everyone has this ‘cutie mark,’ you said?” They all nod. “And it’s a picture on your butt?” They nod again. “And… why is it there?”

“It shows a pony what their special talent is!” the white one squeaks.

“I saw these other ponies in my room today, and they all had tattoos. Are those cutie marks?”

“Yeah!” the orange one yells. “That was mah sister, Applejack! Her cutie mark is three red apples, so she works on an apple farm!”

“And my sister, Rarity, was there,” the white unicorn says. “She has three diamonds as her cutie mark, and she’s a fashion designer! I want to be a fashion designer just like her when I grow up!”

That’s sweet.

“Rainbow Dash was here too!” the orange one shouts excitedly. “She has the best cutie mark ever! She’s the fastest, coolest, most radical, awesomest, greatest flier in all of Equestria!”

So that’s what a cutie mark is. You think you understand now.

“So where’s yours?” the yellow one asks.

“Excuse me?” you respond, very confused.

“Yeah! What’s your cutie mark?” the orange one asks.

You laugh. Softly at first, but it quickly builds into maniac laughter and you’re hitting your mattress with your moveable arm.

“What’s so dang funny?” the yellow one yells, sounding offended.

“I-I don’t have a cutie mark,” you manage to say, calming yourself down.

The three little fillies gasp.

“Oh no!” the white one half yells, half squeaks. “We’re sorry. We didn’t mean to offend you.”

“Do you want to join the Cutie Mark Crusaders with us?” the orange one asks excitedly.

“Do you get bullied too?” the yellow one asks, sounding much more sad than she was a couple seconds ago.

“What?” you ask. “No! No, I don’t get bullied. Humans don’t have ‘cutie marks.’ We just have to live our lives never knowing what we are truly meant to be.”

“That’s terrible!”

“It’s not so bad,” you smile.

“Not so bad?!” the orange one legitimately shouts. “It’s-“

“Scootaloo!” the white one interrupts. “The nurse is coming!”

The yellow one gasps. “Come on Crusaders! We need to get out of here!”

They all jump off your bed and rush over to the window. The white one jumps out first, followed by the orange one.

“Bye, mister!” the yellow one waves. “Can we talk more tomorrah?”

You wave back. “Of course,” you answer without thinking. Again. “Come back anytime.”

Not that it matters. By ‘tomorrah,’ you’ll be back on Earth. Hopefully in your bed. You’d hate if you woke up on someone’s floor or in an alley.

“Thanks! Yer real nice!” She jumps out the window, and presumably scurries back to wherever it is she lives.

You ask yourself the only question you can think of this early in the morning.

‘Where the fuck am I?”

==========

‘Oh Abraham it is so cold,’ is your first thought upon waking up. ‘This is winter in Equestria, I guess.’

Celestia has never been very good when it comes to sharing the blanket. Never. Some nights, not all, but some, Celestia likes to kick the blanket off of her, and you, while asleep.

It doesn’t matter what the temperature is, she will kick a great source of warmth off of you, in a possible attempt to kill you in your sleep.

You can’t blame her, though. She’s seen some weird shit in her day. Her mind is constantly plagued with visions, you imagine, reminding her of what had happened hundreds of years ago.

Especially at night, in her dreams. Whatever it is that happened back then, from what you’ve gathered from observing Celestia’s restless sleep, was not pleasant in the slightest.

Celestia, as you quickly found out upon moving in with her, can have some pretty bad nightmares, or whatever they’re called here.

Celestia is reluctant to call it a ‘nightmare.’ She finds that to be rather insulting. She just says ‘bad dream.’ But more often than not, whenever you ask her about it, she tries to pretend she does not know what you’re talking about.

Even if you witness her having one of her bad dreams, and wake her up, as you are prone to do, she will deny everything. If you ask her about it during the day, she will, again, deny all of your claims. So you eventually just gave up.

She’s always trying to appear strong in front of everyone. Whether it is her little ponies, her sister, or even you, she’s always a fearless leader with no problems.

But you know she has problems. She just won’t admit to them.

Well, not exactly. She will admit to having problems, but only after much prodding from you. She rarely shares her problems with anyone. You don’t mean to force her to tell you anything. You just want her to open up to somebody. Anybody. You think she’s lucky that you’re here.

Realizing that you’re rambling, and you’re still freezing, you reach down and pull the blanket back up to your shoulders.

The greatest thing about winter in Equestria, besides the snow and the cuddling, is that the sun is raised over an hour later than usual. Equestria apparently has daylight savings time too. This time yesterday, you and Celestia would be getting up.

But now, your alarm clock is not going off, and you are not getting up. You don’t even know what time it is. You just know Celestia is still asleep; and you are practically asleep.

It’s probably around 5:30 in the morning. Your internal clock has woken you up at this god forsaken hour for far too long. You hated getting up that early. And you loathe the idea of one day having to do it again. But for right now, you don’t have to. You can sleep.

At some point in the night, you and Celestia have shifted positions. You are lying on your side, staring at the fireplace, currently devoid of warmth. You physically flip yourself over and gaze upon your Princess, lying on her back, facing up at the ceiling, her eyes closed.

It’s strange. You never see Celestia asleep on her back. It’s just one of those things that don’t happen.

First time for everything, you guess.

You scoot over, wrap an arm around Celestia, and pull yourself closer to her. You move your chest and stomach so that they are pressed against Celestia’s side. To keep her mane from getting in your face and mouth, you shift down and rest your head on her chest.

You don’t know what to do with your legs. You try taking one of them and throwing it over Celestia, half straddling her. You feel comfortable for about ten seconds, before regretting your move and lowering your leg back down.

You shift around for a while, trying to find that perfect sleeping position. One of the most difficult things to achieve in life, with the exception of most things, is finding the perfect sleeping position, but you try.

You finally decide to just situate one leg on top of the other. You pull yourself closer to your still sleeping Goddess.
You take a deep breath.

Your alarm will go off in an hour or so. You’re not entirely sure. Celestia sets the alarm. You just get up whenever she does. Which is, unfortunately, before the sun rises every single day.

You feel your arm go up and down as Celestia’s chest expands and contracts with her soft breathing. You move your hand up and down, gently rubbing your Princess’ chest and belly.

You love watching Celestia sleep. You’re not trying to be creepy or anything, but witnessing her relax makes you very happy. But not in a weird way. More of a consoled way, really. You don’t know. Just… happy.

Right then.

You close your eyes and rub your cheek against Celestia’s soft, white fur. One of the best things about cuddling with Celestia is that she is so soft and smooth. She’s like a giant roll of silk. A roll of silk that can fly and use magic and sucks your-

BEEP-BEEP-BEEP

‘Why?!’ you yell in your head as you grimace and Celestia stirs. ‘Why do bad things happen to good people?!’

“Make it stop!” you groan, sounding exhausted. You grab tightly onto your Goddess, shut your eyes as hard as you can, and pull Celestia closer to you, praying that the terrible noise will silence itself.

For an unknown reason, you feel as though climbing on top of Celestia will not only make you more physically relaxed, but make the alarm clock shut up.

So that’s exactly what you do.

Without opening your eyes, you throw your leg back overtop of your marefriend and pick your upper body up long enough for you to move over a few inches and collapse on top of her.

Your vision suddenly gets brighter, and you assume Celestia’s horn is glowing. The alarm clock is quickly silenced, you hear a small crash, which you assume was Celestia throwing the alarm clock somewhere, and the room is dark once more.

You feel obligated to open your eyes, kiss the mare of your dreams, and say ‘Good Morning.’ After all, you did just jump on top of her for almost no reason at all.

You never say ‘Good Morning,’ though. Mainly because there is no such thing as a good morning. They collectively all suck.

After debating with yourself for a few dark moments, you decide against saying anything. You just want to lie with – or on, in your case – the woman that loves you.

These are some of the best moments of your life. Before coming to Equestria, you never did anything like this. You were never cared for like this. You never enjoyed life as you do now. You were never loved like this.

But now you are. So there is hardly any use in dwelling over those days of involuntary solitude. Now, you are free. And you feel free.

You feel Celestia wrap her wings around you and place her chin on top of your head.

Forget everything you were just thinking. These are the best moments of your life. When you’re holding Celestia, and she’s holding you, then you are truly happy.

You open your eyes.

You don’t see anything for a while. It’s too dark. You place a cheek on Celestia’s chest, and look over towards your fireplace.

After what seems like a thousand years of staring, your vision adapts to the darkness of your room. The moon does not appear to be outside your balcony doors, as they usually are, so your room is darker than it is most mornings.

‘What time is it?’ you ask yourself. ‘Where’s the clock?’

You just remembered that Celestia threw your alarm clock somewhere. God knows where that thing went. So you try to look to another clock hanging in your room.

You look above your fireplace, where a small clock sits on the mantle. You stare for a few moments, listening to the ticking of the second hand. Your vision clears enough for you to be able to see the individual hands on the clock.

‘5:33?!’ you exclaim internally, feeling much more awake than you were a few seconds ago. ‘Why am I up right now?!’

You take a deep, calming breath. You move your head from underneath Celestia’s so you can get a good look at her.

She has her head on the long yellow pillow, her mane waving off to one side as it always does, with her eyes closed. The same smile she always has is uncharacteristically not gracing her beautiful face.

You guess it’s too early to smile. Even for her.

You smile as you place your head back down on her upper chest, immediately below her neck. You reach one hand up and wrap it gently around her neck. Your other hand moves to rub her neck, massage her shoulder, and eventually caress the base of her outstretched wing.

“Honey?” you ask, trying to get Celestia’s attention before you fall asleep again.

“Hmm?” she says/grumbles.

“Why are we awake right now?” You think that’s a reasonable question. There could be a thousand possibilities.

‘Maybe she forgot to change to alarm?’ you reason. ‘At least I hope that’s all it is.’

“I need to get the doctor,” she says through a tremendous yawn.

‘Oh shit,’ you think. ‘I need to escape.’

Celestia’s wings tighten around you. “Got to make sure my baby’s OK,” she says, sounding very tired.

You laugh. “I’m fine,” you assure her. “Really. I couldn’t be better!”

“I’m still getting the doctor.”

‘Fuck.’

“How does your back feel?” Celestia whispers. “It’s been looking better.”

You shrug. “Not as bad as it used to. I barely notice it’s there anymore.”

She smiles and kisses your forehead.

“How did you sleep?” she asks you. “Are you feeling alright?”

“Of course, I’m fine,” you say, being completely truthful. “After my, uh, trip to the restroom this morning, I feel good as new.”

“Are you telling the truth?” she asks, sounding as though she is a parent prodding information out of a lying kid.

‘You can’t handle the truth!’ you exclaim in your mind. You want nothing more than to yell that out at Celestia, but she wouldn’t get it. And if she doesn’t get it, it wouldn’t be funny. It’d be so terribly awkward, and she’d just look at you like you’re an idiot.

You sigh. You wish you could make clever movie references with somebody. But you can’t. Pros and cons to living in Equestria, you guess.

Your grip around her gets a little tighter. “I always tell the truth,” you say. You reach your other hand down to rub her shoulder. “Why would I lie to you, my beautiful Princess?”

You crane your neck to give her lips a quick kiss.

You see her roll her eyes. “Well, off the top of my head, I can think of a few thousand reasons.”

You move your massaging hand to your chest. You place your hand over your heart, acting as though you are having a heart attack.

“Is your trust in me that small, Princess?” you ask, trying to sound as shocked as possible. “Have I not earned your trust? Agh!” You lay your head back onto her chest.

“I trust you, sweetie,” you hear her say as a hoof pats you on your head. “But I can clearly see you do not like doctors.”

‘Damn right.’

“I don’t want to see the doctor,” you pout into her chest.

“You’re not seeing the doctor,” Celestia corrects. “The doctor is seeing you.”

“…What?”

“I need to get the doctor before sunrise. I’ll bring him up here, he’ll look at you, I’ll raise the sun, and we can start the day.”

“Can we do all of that, but without getting the doctor?” you ask. “That idea sounds much better.”

Celestia giggles. “You can be so difficult sometimes. I don’t know why I put up with you,” she jokes.

You hop up and kiss her fully on the lips, reminding her. Celestia’s wings around you loosen for a moment, tighten in surprise of your action, and go loose again. You wrap both arms around your Goddess, deepening your kiss.

You run your fingers through her silky mane, and push yourself further down onto her. You feel Celestia relax more. Her wings are dropping back towards her sides as her lips are seemingly becoming softer, if such a thing were possible for her.

Taking the initiative, you push your tongue forward quickly and lustfully. Your marefriend’s lips part immediately, without hesitation, allowing you free and easy access to the rest of her mouth.

You swirl your tongue around, reacquainting it with her mouth. You run over her teeth, across her cheeks, and dance gracefully with her tongue. You feel Celestia try to push you back, but you’re not giving up that easily.

Your tongue stops her forcefully at the entrance of your own mouth. You force her tongue back into her mouth, before continuing the dance.

You feel your arousal growing. And even though your eyes are closed, you can see the faint light of Celestia’s horn glowing.

Your once elegant dancing is now becoming very lustful. You wish you could push further into Celestia, but you can’t. Not with your mouth anyway. But you can always try something else…

You hear and feel your Goddess moan softly into your mouth. She places a hoof on your chest, and pushes you away slightly. A trail of saliva is still connecting your mouths, but as you pull back a little further, it snaps.

You don’t want to pull away. Of all the things you want to do, making out with Celestia is chief among them.

“Did that remind you?” you ask, catching your breath.

“I’m still not too sure,” she pants, also out of breath. “You’ll have to remind me later, won’t you?” she winks.

“Aww,” you whine. “Why not now?! I’m so excited!”

“I know, I can feel,” she smiles at you. You give a bashful smile as your face heats up. “But your health comes first. So I must retrieve the doctor, immediately.”

“No!” you whine. “Why can’t we have some fun?” You kiss her chest, trying to suggest what kind of ‘fun’ you should be having. “I didn’t wake up an hour early for nothing.”

“No, you woke up an hour early to see the doctor. Before you manage to distract me further, I will be going to get him.”

You’re room is illuminated in a great, blinding, golden light from hell. You shut your eyes as tightly as possible and turn your head away from the source.

You hate when Celestia uses magic, especially in the apparent safety of your own bedroom.

Your job involves training unicorns so they are combat ready. So, when training, you will often engage in hand-to-hoof combat. But many unicorns enjoy cheating, because they are dirty liars.

Your unicorn comrades know you have arms and hands (everypony knows), which when in the military, are the most valuable of one’s appendages. Besides your head. Or balls. Those are more important.

Because of your advantage, the unicorns will compensate by using their magic. They aren’t allowed to use their magic during this particular exercise, but what are you going to do about it? You don’t have magic.

You wouldn’t say you are scared of unicorn magic. You’re not. But whenever a unicorn uses their magic, you can’t help but flinch a little. You don’t think it’s noticeable to anypony else, but you know you’re involuntarily flinching.

It’s just a natural reflex.

One of your legion’s favorite pastimes during combat training is to flip you upside down, buck you in the stomach, which hurts like a bitch, and drop you. They think it’s funny. You think it’s painful, annoying, and traumatic.

Due to this almost daily experience, you can’t help but be wary of unicorn magic. Whenever you see a unicorn’s horn light up, you are preparing for the worst. You are expecting the worst.

You hate being upside down.

You can never physically threaten your soldiers, mainly because by the time you reach them, you are usually inverted.

Unfortunately for your fellow legionnaires, you can be an asshole too.

As a Lieutenant, you have the ability to make them do anything you want, and they have to agree. If you want them to bench press each other, so be it. If you want them to run a mile standing only on their hind legs, they’ll give it a try. And they’ll fail. Some things are just not anatomically possible.

You’re lucky they at least respect you and follow your orders without a second thought.

Back on topic.

Celestia’s use of magic inside of your bedroom can scare you at times. Not that you’re frightened right now. You’re too blind to be afraid.

Whenever Celestia decides to use her magic around you, though, you immediately think you’re about to flipped over and beaten. But then you realize she would never do such a thing to you. If she loves you half as much as she claims, she would never harm you.

And you would never harm her.

It’s good that you both mutually agree not to hit each other. Part of a decent, healthy relationship relies on both members not striking each other with intent to maim.

You feel yourself being lifted off of your lover, but you still refuse to open your eyes. The light hurts too much.

You reach out blindly to grab Celestia, but you can’t seem to find her. You feel yourself moving through the air, but you don’t care. Wherever Celestia wants to put you, with the exception of over the balcony, is fine with you.

After only a few moments of floating and trying to find your Princess with your flailing limbs, you land on something soft. Soft and bouncy. And soft. Very soft.

You can only assume that you are on your bed. Where else could you be?

You squint open your eyes. The tremendous light causes you to blink rapidly. Your eyes begin to water, causing you to blink even more.

After a couple seconds, though, you can see. Kind of. You see Celestia’s glowing horn, her beautiful, smiling face, her bare white chest, and her long legs.

You notice the blanket, folded at the foot of the bed, begin to glow gold. The blanket moves towards you. Celestia places it over top of you, resting it just below your shoulders.

You look up at her. She’s smiling softly down at you. “Now stay here,” she practically whispers. “I’ll be right back.” She gives you a cute kiss on your nose.

She walks around the bed to the far side of the room. You take a few moments to admire her natural beauty.

And by ‘admire,’ you mean ‘stare.’ Like a caveman that is seeing fire for the first time. Like a child on Christmas morning. Like a ten year old boy that just found the wonders of porn for the first time in his life.

If you were in a romantic mood you would say Celestia’s greatest physical attribute are her eyes. They’re so big! And so purple! You’ve never seen purple eyes before her, but you know if you have, they wouldn’t have been as pretty as your Princess’.

If you were in a state of arousal, or were feeling slightly normal, you would say her flanks. They are perfect. The way they sway back and forth can keep you entertained for hours. Days even.

And the way her flowing mane always seems to shield part of her face somehow seems to heighten her beauty and perfection. It seems as though every time you try to look into both of Celestia’s eyes, you only end up seeing one of the giant, purple orbs.

Now that you think about it, you rarely see both of her eyes at the same time. Her mane always seems to get in the way. Not that you mind. You think it just makes her that much more attractive.

She walks towards her ponnequin holding her royal attire. She never leaves the room without it. Ever. You’re probably one of the only beings in all of Equestrian history to see Celestia naked.

It’s a nice thought.

‘The only being to truly see a Goddess naked.’ You feel proud. You give yourself a mental pat on the back, congratulating yourself.

Seeing Celestia naked, or more naked than she usually is, you guess, is probably one of your greatest achievements.

You really haven’t done that much with your life. Nevertheless, it obviously is not a simple thing to accomplish.

You watch her with a smile as she puts on her giant golden necklace thing.

You don’t know what that thing is. You’re pretty sure it has a specific name. It’s too big to be a simple necklace. Celestia probably told you what it was. But you apparently were not listening.

If it’s called a necklace, it’s most certainly not a necklace you have ever seen. It’s massive. Most necklaces are just a small chain. But not this one. No necklace fit for a Princess/ Goddess can be that simple.

There’s some abnormally rare amethyst stone set right in the middle of the damn thing. The same type of stone is also set in the center of her crown. Celestia has been wearing the same crown and necklace for hundreds of years. Both are made of gold, of course. Or at least something that weighs and looks similar to gold.

The horseshoes are also made of gold. You imagine that would be rather uncomfortable on one’s feet. You know that Celestia has some magic padding, or something else weird that you don’t entirely understand, inside of each shoe.

Gold, in these vast quantities, is very heavy. You know this. You’ve undressed Celestia before, and taking off her clothing can prove to be difficult at times.

But you lift. Lifting improves your love life in two ways. The first being that it makes it easier to remove your Goddess’ royal attire. The second being that all you have to do is whisper softly in Celestia’s ear, ‘I lift,’ and she’s wet and ready to go.

Celestia, as everyone knows, is very strong. However, nopony has ever seen her work out or anything of the sort. At least not to your knowledge. You assume that just walking around all day wearing her heavy, golden, royal clothing is a workout in itself.

However, everypony does know that Celestia is very powerful with her magic. She uses magic every day. She teaches magic almost every day. She has probably even killed ponies with her powerful sorcery. Which is a pretty strange, but kind of awesome, fact.

You watch as she places her crown on her head with her magic.

You wonder if there were witches hundreds of years ago in Equestria. That’d be weird. A pony accused of witchcraft, even though unicorns can use magic at will. But you don’t like unicorns, so you wouldn’t mind seeing an angry mob of pegasi burn one at the stake.

You don’t know how that ponnequin is able to hold so much weight. You guess the thing is enchanted to hold abnormal amounts of weight for an extended period of time.

Not that it matters.

You watch your Goddess slip on her horseshoes.

The royal attire is clearly supposed to accentuate her natural beauty. Which, in some aspects, it does. But Celestia has the potential to be beautiful in anything.

That is, if she ever wore anything.

Celestia hosts and attends a ton of high-class Canterlot parties. They’re not your type, but you go because she makes you. You are her puppet. But she never wears anything at any social gathering. Everypony could be dressed in the finest and most expensive materials in all the land, but she’ll just go naked. Well, practically naked.

Not that you mind, of course. And you doubt anypony else cares either.

Celestia told you she doesn’t wear anything because she does not wish to endorse anypony’s creations. She’s not an advertisement, she’s a Princess. And she plays the part rather well.

You realize that Celestia is about to get the doctor. You really don’t want to see the doctor, but for her sake, you will. You don’t know why she’s insisting on a doctor visiting you. You’re fine.

Oh well. You have officially lost control of your life.

But you have not lost your sense of humor. You never will.

Before Celestia finishes dressing herself, you decide to enact a plan you have just recently formulated in your abnormally large brain. It’s nothing special. Just an idea you have.

As your Goddess is placing the last horseshoe one her final exposed hoof, you act.

You raise your tired form off the soft mattress and creep towards the bathroom, praying Celestia does not notice you.

You quickly become aware that placing a single shoe on does not take a long time. In fact, for Celestia, it probably takes .02 seconds, max. You quickly leap into action, beginning to practically sprint at the bathroom door.

The door seems to be a thousand feet away at this point. It’s your only chance of escape. You’re not seeing a doctor. No way in hell. So the only safe zone in your immediate vicinity is the bathroom.

Time slows. You notice the world around you become blurry and faded, but the door stays focused in your vision, but does not get closer.

Your hazy vision is replaced by a golden glow. You feel yourself being lifted rapidly from the safety of the floor, before being unceremoniously and forcefully inverted.

‘Shit!’ you mentally exclaim, crossing your arms in stubborn defeat. ‘God damn door.’

You curse the door for your unfortunate defeat. If you could’ve made it there sooner, you could be free! Free from tyranny! Free from strife! But most importantly, free from the doctor!

Celestia hovers you over so that you are both face-to-face. She does not look pleased with your daring escape attempt. You think you see… annoyance? Frustration?

You wouldn’t doubt it. You’d be pretty pissed if someone wasn’t listening to you, so she probably would be too.

She stops you so that you are less than two inches from her face. “You are such a child,” she says, sounding tired.

‘I regret nothing!’

You tilt your head slightly, extend your lips the short distance, and connect them with your lover’s. You feel all the blood rushing to your head. You’re still upside down. But at this particular moment, you do not care.

You feel Celestia press back very lightly, and very briefly. The kiss last mere moments before she levitates you back over to your bed.

You are slightly worried that your showing of affection was so short lived. You and Celestia could kiss forever, so to have this one be cut short makes you wonder.

Celestia has been incapable of showing affection for hundreds and hundreds of years. And then some. So, whenever you two become even slightly intimate with each other, it tends to last longer than one second.

Celestia has her ears folded as she walks up to you; an uncharacteristically sad expression adorning her face. You don’t know why she’d be sad, though. Life couldn’t be better!

“Why the long face?” you ask, smiling at your own pun.

You are so funny it should be illegal.

“Har, har,” Celestia rolls her eyes, pretending to laugh. “I get it. I’m a horse. Long face. Good one.” She stops walking and stands right next to you.

You weren’t prepared for that sort of response. “What’s wrong, sweetheart?” You are legitimately curious now. Something has to be bothering her if she is acting in this abnormal fashion.

“Can you at least pretend that this is important to me?” Her eyes quickly widen before returning to their normal size. “I am truly worried about you, but you don’t seem to care at all!”

“Celestia, I-“

“You’re treating this like a game,” she interrupts dismally. “I love you. I just want you to be OK.” She looks away from you and towards the floor.

You sit up, reach a hand slowly, cautiously towards her, and place it gently on her cheek. You slowly turn her head back so that it is facing you.

Her eyes are soft and sad as they gaze into yours. You can almost feel your heart breaking at the sight.

“Honey,” you whisper, trying to be gentle, “I’m sorry. I didn’t know you were so worried. I didn’t mean to make you upset.”

She closes your eyes before leaning slightly into your hand. She takes a deep breath. “It’s fine. Maybe I’m just overreacting. I don’t know what to do.” She leans forward to kiss you delicately on your lips, but only for a moment. “I don’t want anything to happen to you.”

You smile. Considering how old and wise she is, she really cannot comprehend the fact that you are never leaving her. At least, that’s what you’re hoping. She can get so worked up over the smallest things sometimes. You would think it’s kind of cute, if it didn’t make her so sad.

“Nothing’s going to happen to me,” you say, stroking her elegant, flowing mane. “How ‘bout you go and get the doctor? Let’s just get this whole thing over with.”

She smiles. Not the fake one she wears every day around her subjects, but a true, genuine smile; the kind she wears only when she is actually happy. Which is a lot less often than most ponies think.

“OK,” she whispers, sounding much more upbeat than she was a few minutes ago. “I’ll be back in a couple minutes.” She gives you a quick kiss on your cheek. She begins walking towards the doors on the other side of the room.

She stops walking halfway to the door to look back at you. “If you leave this bed, I swear by the sun I will punish you,” she states sternly.

You smile. “Is that a threat or a promise?”

She quickly turns her head away from you and towards the door. You swear you saw her blush, but she’ll never admit it. “I wonder what goes through your head sometimes,” she giggles, resuming her walk to the doctor.

“I’ll admit, Celestia, you are on my mind more often than you may think.”

“Aww,” she coos, completely misinterpreting your true meaning.

“But when you are, we are usually doing some pretty kinky shit.”

She facehoofs. Hard. And sighs, dragging her hoof down her face. “Well, as long as it’s me, I suppose I can hardly complain.”

“That’s the spirit,” you laugh.

“I swear, I don’t know how anypony puts up with you.”

Making Celestia blush or act bashful is harder than one may think. It used to be easy. When you were first dating, her face was flushed whenever she saw you. Now though, it’s much more of a challenge, which you have boldly accepted.

She is so cute when she blushes. But she hates it.

‘A Princess does not blush. A Princess does not get flustered.’

That is what she told you when you asked her why she hates it so much. It may not be the most ‘regal’ thing to do, but it’s adorable, and you love it.

“Love you, hon,” you call to her before she departs.

She turns back to you and smiles. “I love you too, sweetie. And don’t you dare move.”

You love how Celestia rarely calls you by your real name anymore. You have a nice name. Your parents did a decent job at naming you.

But you prefer it when Celestia calls you “honey,” “sweetie,” or anything like that. It makes you feel like you truly belong. That you are truly loved. Even if she is threatening you, when she calls you ‘honey’ or ‘sweetie,’ you can’t keep your heart from melting.

She opens the door with her magic and trots out of the room.

==========

‘Fuck. Everything.’

Today has been, debatably, the least productive day of your entire life. You have been lying in your bed since 5:45 this morning. With the exception of a bathroom break around 10:00, you have not moved. You have done nothing.

You woke up at 5:30 this morning, as you are already well aware of. You talked with your beautiful Princess for a while, before she left to fetch the worthless doctor.

Upon entering, the doctor immediately began poking at you. You don’t know what it is with ponies poking you when they first meet you, but it seems to be customary, so you just let it happen.

‘This guy has no idea what he’s doing,’ you thought as he fondled you.

Like all doctors that you have seen in Equestria, he is a unicorn. A cream colored unicorn with a brown mane and tail. His cutie mark was a scalpel.

Which is terrifying. You can’t imagine having a butt tattoo of a sharp, bloody, dangerous object, and not struggle when it comes to making friends. You kind of feel bad for the guy. And a lot of your legionnaires, for that matter.

But your pity for the stallion soon left you as he pokes around the burn mark on your back. The mark doesn’t really hurt so much anymore. It used to. When you first got it upon your ‘arrival’ into Equestria, it hurt so much you could hardly bend your back.

After many trips to the hospital and the spa for treatments, however, you sometimes forget it’s even there. Over these past few days, you completely forgot you had it.

You don’t even know how you got it. You just woke up in the hospital with it. Maybe your car lit on fire? You don’t know. And it doesn’t really matter anymore.

You talked with the stallion for like, ten minutes. If that. Maybe five. He just asked about what you did yesterday.

You told him everything. Which is practically nothing. You worked. You ate. You had sex. But you didn’t tell him you had sex. Some things are best left untold.

The doctor seems to think you had a classic case of food poisoning. That shit you ate yesterday at that terrible bar apparently got you sick. You wish Mulligan’s bar would reopen sooner. At least there you wouldn’t have to worry about vomiting.

Your hatred of vegetables and other non-meat products is increasing at an alarming rate every day. You would murder for some chicken. Some turkey. At this point, you’re contemplating killing and eating a griffon. You really want some meat.

You’re glad the doctor wasn’t a stereotypical noble douche. The doctor was, as most doctors seem to be in this world, a unicorn. Something like 80% of the population of Canterlot consists of unicorns. You’re not sure, but you know it’s some ridiculous number.

A fair number of those unicorns are of the nobility, or are related to or are descendants of nobility. Which is bad. If a pony finds out they have half a fraction of an iota of noble blood somewhere within their body, a lot of them automatically assume they are the most powerful being in Equestria. Some like to think they are more powerful than Celestia and Luna. But they’re full of shit.

The unicorns that aren’t a part of the nobility in any way, shape, or form are the only unicorns you can stand to be around. Pegasi and earth ponies also make great company, but their numbers are scarce in the capital of Equestria.

Anyways, you’re just glad that your doctor is a good guy. You have learned that unicorns in this city generally aren’t that way. They, more often than not, strongly dislike you.

Why does everypony in Canterlot hate you so much? You guess that it’s probably due to the fact you are one of the most politically powerful beings in Equestria, even though you were not born of the nobility, have gotten closer to Celestia than anypony else ever has, and you aren’t even a pony.

You want to go back to Ponyville. Everypony loves you in Ponyville. The unicorns there are nice. There are more earth ponies and pegasi. And it’s not a giant city. You’re not a fan of city life. You never have been, and never will be. You’re too big to stay in a city built for 4 foot tall equines.

‘I told you there was nothing wrong,’ you told Celestia after the doctor left earlier today. She just smiled, rolled her eyes, and kissed you deeply, clearly happy for the news that you’re fine.

After the doctor’s timely departure, Celestia raised the sun over a snow-covered Canterlot.

The sight was absolutely breathtaking from your freezing balcony. You could see Ponyville covered in snow from miles away. You looked down and saw some of the early-risers in Canterlot out and about the city. Everything looked a lot different covered in snow and ice.

Before you got into your shower this morning, though, Celestia told you to go back to sleep. She refused to allow you to bathe, much to your surprise.

She insisted you stay up in your bedroom and catch up on sleep, as though you need it. Which you don’t. You’re awake. You’re fine. If anyone needs to get more sleep, it’s Celestia, but she’s just so stubborn.

You told her you’re fine. Even the doctor thought so. Not to mention you have to go to work today. You can’t just go back to sleep.

‘I don’t care. You need your rest, and you’re getting back into that bed this instant,’ she demanded this morning.

And so, after some arguing and disagreeing, you did. Winning a fight with that mare is impossible. She’s too quick and smart for you to be able to take on. Thus, if she wants you to do something, so be it.

Not to mention she is your boss. She has total control of all Equestrian military forces, which you are obviously apart of. So if your boss told you to go to sleep… you guess you have to.

But just because you are in bed, does not mean you stopped arguing. The doctor said you were fine! You feel fine! Why is she still worried?

She never told you. You thought it was best not to bring that issue back up again, though. She got pretty sad earlier this morning, so you just stayed quiet.

She didn’t even let you go down to breakfast this morning. She insisted you go back to sleep. She knows you’re not hungry anyway, so breakfast at this unreasonable hour is not necessary.

She did promise that somepony would bring you breakfast in a couple hours.

And to your surprise, that somepony happened to be the Princess of the Night.

At first, you were shocked. Luna should be asleep. It’s not fair that you’re sleeping when she isn’t. It’s like, three hours past her bedtime. It’s not healthy for somepony as busy and as stressed as a Princess to stay up this late. Or early.

It took you a couple seconds to realize why she would be here. When you did, you smiled and patted the spot on the bed next to you, indicating for her to sit down.

Luna loves to talk to you. Everyone does, right? You’re just so abnormally interesting and full of ancient wisdom.

Well, actually, the only pony that seems to ever want to constantly talk to you is Luna. And you don’t mind that. You love Luna.

She placed your food on your nightstand. She regretted she could not stay. There was some meeting today requiring the attention of both Princesses; which she did not seem too thrilled about. But she did promise to talk to you later at dinner.

You bid her farewell, and she left to attend to her Princess-y duties. You don’t know what Celestia and Luna do during the day. You’re not a government official. Not that you care. You don’t need to know what they do.

You put on your custom made winter clothing; sweatpants, a t-shirt that says ‘Deuteronomy 23:1,’ because you can, and a comfortable winter jacket, all courtesy of Carousel Boutique, where everything is chic, unique, and magnifique!

You spent the next several hours exploring the Castle. You went to the Canterlot Archives and looked at all the ancient scrolls. You didn’t understand any of them. You’re not a unicorn. You don’t know magic. But trying to figure out what the scrolls said kept you entertained for hours.

You walked around the Castle Gardens for a while. It was pretty nice. The gardens were deserted. No gardeners, no animals, nothing except for you and your inappropriate thoughts, which kept you warm for quite some time.

Then, like an idiot, you got lost. You got lost, in your own house. When you say it out loud, you feel special. The retarded kind of special. But when you stand outside of your home and look at it, you assume getting lost would be rather easy. Which it is.

You’ve gotten lost in the Castle before. When you first moved in, you decided to tour the Castle by yourself; get used to your new, “temporary” home. You walked down one flight of stairs and immediately got lost. If it wasn’t for Princess Cadence, you probably would’ve starved to death somewhere inside.

You meandered about the gardens for hours. You didn’t mind, though. You never called for help or got worried. You just enjoyed the fantastic snow-covered scenery. But it was getting pretty cold.

Luckily though, you encountered a pudgy chipmunk who has not yet begun his hibernation, and he pointed you the way out. You thanked him, helped him into his treehouse, and got the hell out of there.

It’s kind of scary that animals like chipmunks and squirrels can communicate with you. Then again, you are surrounded by multi-colored horses that can talk, organize a government, have jobs, and be in proper relationships.

Thankfully, you found some Royal Guards on break. And even better, judging by their voices, you already knew all of them. So you took an opportunity to talk to the four or five of them.

Y’all talked about the weather. They don’t enjoy it, but they endure it. Then they talked about Hearth’s Warming Day. You’ve never heard of that, so you asked them about it.

By the way they described it, it’s the Equestrian equivalent of Christmas. It’s even on December 25th. The similarities between this world and yours is astounding.

You were planning on celebrating Christmas with Celestia anyway, but now you have more of an obligation to.

‘What do ponies get on Christmas –er- Hearth’s Warming Day?’ you asked yourself as you walked around the Castle again. ‘More importantly, what would Celestia want?’

Celestia, as you know, is not an ordinary pony. She is extraordinary. She is a Princess. A Goddess. So what the hell would her boyfriend get her on one of the most important days of the year?

You don’t know. But you have some time to figure it out. You’ll have to ask your friends what they give to their wives or girlfriends on Christmas. You’ve never had to give a significant other anything this special before, but you really need to now.

You rarely ever have to spend your own money. Most things anypony in the Royal Family does is already paid for, via taxes. So that means you have a pretty decent pile of bits in the Second Mariner Bank. So whatever it is Celestia wants, which, knowing her, is probably nothing, you may be able to afford.

But you can worry about that some other time.

The sun was lowered and the moon was raised around five o’clock. Celestia and Luna were still in that meeting, though, so you just walked around the Castle until dinner time finally rolled around.

Celestia and Luna have been in that meeting all day. Whatever it is, it’s probably extremely important. Meaning, you don’t want to get anywhere near that room. You wouldn’t want to screw something up and have a war start.

Now you sit at the long table in the Royal Dining Room, waiting for your Princesses to arrive. No meal may begin until they are seated.

Only you and Blueblood are at the table. Which is tremendously awkward. He despises you, and you aren’t very fond of him.

You guess Cadence is at the meeting. She is a Princess, after all. Shining is probably there too. As Captain of the Royal Guard, he is definitely in charge of security. You don’t know why Prince Asshat isn’t at the meeting.

“I hate you so much,” Blueblood says, trying to start a conversation with his usual charm.

You smile. “Likewise,” you yawn. “What’d you do today?”

“Hardly anything,” he shrugs. “Just sent a team of cartographers to Cloudsdale.” He runs a hoof through is messy blond mane.

“Why’s that?”

“I heard a few rumors that the clouds of the city are shifting by themselves. Which I doubt. Probably just another stupid rumor. But it’s something to do, so I sent them out.”

Blueblood’s cutie mark is a… compass looking thing. A really fancy compass. You never actually asked him what it was. Primarily because you don’t care. You don’t even know what he does during the average day, but judging from the conversation, it sounds like he is in charge of drawing up Equestrian maps.

Equestria, from the maps you’ve observed during training and around the Castle, is shaped like a giant square. It looks like America, but the borders aren’t quite as rough.

All the cities in Equestria, which are terrible pun-like knock offs of American cities are located in the same generally location as the American cities they are named after. Las Pegasus is where Las Angeles should be. Fillydelphia is where Philadelphia should be. The only big difference you found is that Neighagra falls is not where Niagara Falls is. Neighagra Falls is just northeast of Canterlot, which is directly in the middle of Equestria.

“What if the rumors are true?” you ask. “Could you just… move the city back into place?” You don’t know how ponies control the weather exactly, but you do know pegasi can move clouds around.

“Well I couldn’t,” he says smiling, placing a hoof on his chest. “I’m not a pegasus. But if it comes to that, then yes, we’d have to move the city back into place. We can’t have cities just floating around willy nilly.”

Makes sense to you.

Just then you hear the doors on the opposite end of the room open. You turn your attention away from Equestria’s only natural-born Prince and look at the far end of the room.

In through the door stroll Cadence, Luna, Celestia, and Shining, all in that order. You and Blueblood rise from your seats in respect. Three of the four noble ponies smile at you, while Luna just looks exhausted.

You quickly walk over to Celestia. You haven’t seen her all day. You hope her meeting went well. The last thing you want is for somepony to have angered her.

You extend your arms and wrap them around her neck. She responds by nuzzling your neck with her cheek. You love it when she does that. Her fur is so soft, it’d put cashmere to shame.

You pull away from the embrace. “How’d the meeting go?” you ask in a low tone.

Celestia sighs. “Long. Too long.” She gives you a quick kiss on the lips and smiles. “How was your day? Are you feeling better?”

‘There was never anything wrong with me in the first place,’ you want to say, but you bite your tongue. No sense in arguing now. Celestia seems too tired to put up with anybody. Including you.

“My day was fine,” you say placing one arm around her shoulders and walking her to her seat. She places a giant wing around you. “And I’m feeling great. Couldn’t be better.”

“See? All you needed was a day off,” she says triumphantly.

You roll your eyes. “What can I say, my dear? You’re always right.”

“I know.”

Of course she does.

No sooner do you seat Celestia than a giant salad is placed directly in front of her by some posh-looking waiter, who looks like he’s from France. Well, the pony equivalent of France.

You mosey on back to your designated seating position and join Blueblood and Luna, who are already eating their dinner.

Before sitting, you walk to Luna’s side and wrap her in a very tight hug. She squeaks in surprise, which is adorable. After a couple of seconds she finally responds by nuzzling your cheek.

“How was your meeting?” you ask, already expecting the answer.

“Exhausting,” she says in a voice even lower than a whisper. “We require rest.”

You feel bad for Luna. Everypony in Equestria expects her to raise the moon and be guardian of the night, regardless of what she did when she should have been asleep. She hasn’t slept in like, 24 hours at least. Which is longer than one may think.

Not to mention she was in some meeting all day today. You want to inquire as to what the meeting was about and why it took so long, but you decide not to. At least not yet.

You release your grip around her and take your seat. “Do you still want to talk after dinner?” you ask, remembering your discussion this morning.

She nods. “But of course. We must be awake for the rest of the night anyhow. It would be nice to spend at least part of it with somepony. That is, if you still wish to speak with Us.”

You smile. You love the way Luna talks. “That’s fine with me, Luna.” You stab a few pieces of lettuce and stuff them into your mouth. “Where do you want to go? Anywhere in particular?”

She shakes her head. “We could not be more indifferent as to the location. As long as We have somepony to talk to, We do not mind.”

“I implore you not to go anywhere near my chambers,” Blueblood interjects, rubbing his face. “I am simply too tired to put up with your late night antics.”

You smile. “Don’t worry about it. We’re not going to bother you. This time, at least.”

“…I don’t trust you.”

You shrug. “Not much I can do about that, is there?” You look back at Luna who is nibbling on a piece of celery. “You want to walk outside? I was in the Gardens earlier and it looked great. It probably looks even better in the moonlight.” You take another bite of your salad, crunching down on the lettuce and a crouton.

She raises an eyebrow at you. “How cold is it?”

“Right now? Probably below freezing. Just bring a jacket or something, you’ll be fine.”

Luna giggles. “We are not concerned about our own welfare. Only yours.” And why is that? “We don’t get cold as easy as your kind. We are an alicorn. We spent a thousand years on the moon.” She laughs. “Needless to say, We are not troubled by the temperature.”

You smile. Luna usually doesn’t joke about the whole Nightmare Moon incident, so it’s great to hear her say that. “I’ll be fine, Luna. If that’s where you want to go, we can go there. It’s up to you anyway. You were the one who wanted to talk to me.” You take a sip of your carrot flavored soda. You wince at its’ terrible, bitter taste.

“Alright,” Luna agrees with a happy smile. “The Gardens it is.”

==========

You enter your room very late in the evening. Sometime around 10:30 or 11:00. You have just finished talking to Luna about a great deal of things.

You talked about her. You talked about you. You talked about Blueblood. You talked about the weather. You talked about Celestia. You talked about Cadence and her great relationship with Shining.

Tonight with Luna was not nearly as emotional as you were preparing for it to be. When she showed up earlier, you thought something was legitimately wrong. But it seems she just wanted someone to talk to you, and you’re generally available for that.

It’s not like you had anything else to do, anyway. Not to say you didn’t want to talk with Luna. You did. You love talking with the younger, more impressionable, childlike Princess.

Luna is generally set to two emotions. She’s either hysterical or she’s depressing. And you don’t mind being around her during either of these times.

The doors shut behind you. You stop walking in an attempt to regain your vision, which has gone black.

When you and Luna went off to talk, Celestia came back up here to organize some shit. You don’t know what it was exactly. You have a habit of never asking.

“There you are!” you hear Celestia happily exclaim from somewhere in the room. You’re not entirely sure where. You’re too busy rubbing your eyes.

“Here I am,” you yawn.

“How was your chat with Luna? I hope everything went well.”

“Of course. She’s fine.” You shiver. “It was just really, really cold outside.”

You realized you were an idiot for suggesting you take a walk outside in the snow the second you entered the Gardens, but because you were the one who suggested it, and Luna readily accepted, you just had to go through it.

You hear the wondrous sound of your Goddess’ hooves clop there way towards you. You lower your hands and are immediately greeted with a surprise kiss.

Your eyes quickly widen before returning to their normal size. You wrap your arms around her, placing one hand gently on the back of her head as you kiss back.

She wraps a wing around you, breaking the kiss. She immediately begins walking you to… the bathroom?

“Where we going, hon?” you ask, sounding confused. The warmth her wing is providing you is a very welcome sensation. Even though you are inside, you’re still freezing. And it doesn’t help that Celestia always has your room so damn cold. You would kill for a heater. Or a hot bath.

The wing around you tightens, pulling you closer towards her. “You,” she emphasizes, “have not bathed all day. Correct?”

“Well, yeah, but why-“

“You smell terrible,” she interrupts. “And you look atrocious.”

‘Gee, thanks, hon,’ you think. ‘You’re the one who told me not to shower in the first place!’

“You really need to shower,” she concludes as you enter the bathroom. The candles ignite automatically at sensing your presence.

Your mind, as it is usually capable of doing, conjures up a late-night plan. It surprises you how much being in a relationship has made you think. Even though you are generally only thinking of one thing, you are at least thinking.

You rub your cheek against Celestia’s. “Will you join me?” you ask, trying to sound cute.

Celestia giggles. “Of course,” you feel her smile. “We always shower together, do we not?”

You shrug. “Most of the time, at least.”

Celestia’s wing returns to her side as she goes to turn on the water. You take a moment to admire her swaying flanks as she trots away.

Your body is quickly warming up as you feel yourself become aroused.

You take off your winter jacket, which you just remembered you still had on, shirt, shoes, socks, pants, and finally, your underwear; leaving you exposed.

You turn your attention to Celestia, who is currently undressing herself. She steps out of her golden horseshoes before levitating her crown to the side of your bathtub.

You approach her before she has a chance to do anything else.

You reach out and grab Celestia’s golden necklace just before she grips it with her magic. You lift the necklace from around her neck, and place it next to her crown.

She smiles at you as you bow and politely gesture for her to enter the shower. “After you, milady,” you say in a fake accent.

“Why, thank you, kind sir,” she says, returning the bow. “What a gentleman you are.”

Celestia enters the shower and stands perfectly still in the cascading water, waiting for you to enter. Which you do instantly, not bothering to savor the moment. There will be other times where you can just stand there and admire her. But right now, you want to act.

Celestia is standing with her back to you, her flowing mane and tail are no longer waving about, as the water pours over it, causing her hair to drape down her side.

The water violently assaults you as you enter, but you don’t mind. It was so cold outside, so the warm environment is a pleasant change.

You gently place a hand on Celestia’s rump, just above her tail. If she responded, you do not know. You are not looking at her face right now.

You trace a couple of your fingers along her flank, circling the sun imprinted there. You touch is soft, yet firm, making sure your Goddess knows you’re there.

You continue to walk alongside your marefriend, tracing your hand along her curves. You feel along her waist until you reach her outstretched wings. Either Celestia is aroused, or she is about to fly away. And you can safely assume she isn’t going anywhere.

You take the long walk around her wings, running one of them through your hands. They feel stiff in your grasp, just as they should be.

You feel along her neck before finally placing a hand on her cheek. You step in front of her and look deep into her big, purple eyes. You don’t know if it’s just the heat of the shower, or the heat of her body, but you think you see her face flushed.

You smile.

You reach a hand up to brush away her waterlogged mane out of her eyes. She moves her head forward to kiss you on the lips, which you happily accept. Her soft lips slowly meet yours as the water continues to pour around you both.

The simple feeling causes bolts of electricity to course through your body. You could spend eternity kissing this mare, but there are much better things you could both do.

Celestia wastes no time in boldly pushing her tongue forward, taking the initiative before you can.

You reflexively open your mouth upon sensing the presence on your lips, allowing her easy access to your mouth. Her tongue collides with yours with much greater force than you originally anticipated. From the kiss you both just shared, you thought Celestia wanted to take it slow. Apparently not.

You allow Celestia’s tongue to trace along your mouth. It’s not unfamiliar territory for her to explore, but you love the sensation. Her tongue travels from one end of your mouth to the other, before stopping to dance and entwine with yours.

You push back, and as you expect, she retreats. Your tongue enters her mouth, immediately reconnecting with hers. She lets out a small moan of pleasure at the feeling. She follows your tongue as you trace around her mouth.

The room is quickly becoming even steamier than the hot water has already made it. You don’t know if the glass around the shower is fogging because of the hot water, or from you and Celestia.

You quickly realize this is not getting you anywhere. You can feel your own arousal begging you for something more; and you can smell the arousal of Celestia without even trying.

You disconnect the kiss, move back a few inches, and smile at her. She kindly returns the smile, but you can tell she is silently begging you to ravish her in whatever way you please. You can see it in her eyes.

And who are you to deny her such satisfaction?

You grab the fluffy sponge-like thing that’s always hanging in everyone’s shower. Only this time, you won’t be using this to get clean.

You don’t put any soap on it as you begin to scrub Celestia. You start at her neck; somewhere neutral.

You turn and nip at her ears. Just as you catch them softly in your teeth, they flicker and escape your grip. You catch it again before gently nibbling. You open your eyes for a moment and immediately notice her horn glowing.

You know for a fact that she’s aroused now; as if her outstretched wings and her scent wasn’t enough. You continue moving your hands, massaging her neck.

Celestia closes her eyes and sighs at your touch. She loves it when you massage her neck and shoulders, but you don’t plan on staying in those areas for too long.

You begin the slow walk back, scrubbing along her side as you go. You gently rub the sponge along her erect wing, causing them to flap once.

You walk around her, stopping when you reach her flanks. You place the loofa between her legs without a second thought, and gently caress her marehood.

She audibly gasps at your touch. You glance up at her face to find her eyes closed, her horn is softly glowing its’ dim, golden aura, and she is biting her lip in a desperate attempt not to make a sound.

You continue fondling her most sacred area as you lean down. You stick out your tongue and draw it up her vibrant cutie mark, applying as much force as possible.

You give the imprint of the sun a quick kiss, before starting a trail of kisses down towards her rump.

Your hand is beginning to pick up the pace as you stroke Celestia’s mound with greater speed and desire. You feel the lust growing within you guiding your actions without conscious thought.

Your kisses get closer and closer to the base of her tail when the water around you ceases.

You withdraw your hand from between Celestia’s legs as your body begins glowing a bright gold.

You don’t even know what’s happening, but as quickly as it came, it stops, and you are no longer glowing. You look at your Princess who is surrounded by a golden aura, her horn shining even brighter than it was mere moments ago. After what seems like only a couple seconds, the light fades, but her horn remains aglow.

You wonder what it was that she just did, before realizing you’re dry. You were in the shower for God knows how long under the warm, rushing water. But now you’re dry.

‘I guess there’s a spell for everything, then. She definitely-‘

Your thought process is interrupted as Celestia brushes her ethereal tail under your chin, slowly walking by you and out towards your bedroom. She glances back at you and gives you a sultry smile with half-lidded eyes.

You are left temporarily stunned. She knows that all it takes is a little brush under the chin and you will do anything to/for her. But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t surprise you whenever it happens.

You shake your head, not realizing how long you’ve just been standing in the shower. You bolt out of the bathroom at a speed that’d embarrass the Wonderbolts. The first thing you see is lying on her side, displaying herself for you with a seductive gaze; her tail playfully covering her most private area. You leap towards the bed.

Celestia catches you in her magical grip, levitates you over her chest, and releases you. You fall the few feet, land next to her, and immediately recover yourself.

‘So this is why I had to take a ‘shower’?’

You sit up to kiss Celestia on her lips. Not a long kiss, but a passionate and lustful one, nonetheless. It only lasts for a moment before you break away.

You place a hand on her side, and push. Celestia gets the idea, and rolls onto her back, her wings splayed out on either side of her body. Her horn is still faintly glowing, and her mane’s flow has significantly calmed.

As Celestia settles into a comfortable position, you reach for her neck with your teeth.

She gasps audibly and physically at your touch, but she’s clearly enjoying it. You leave a trail of small kisses and nibbles down her neck, advancing on your ultimate prize.

You waste no time in kissing and licking your way down her soft chest and belly. You feel Celestia’s chest and stomach rising and falling faster and faster as you continue, her breathing becoming more labored as you tug on her fur.

You take one her nipples in your mouth, gently sucking on it. You flick your tongue across the sensitive breast, eliciting a ‘mmm’ of pleasure from your mare. You look up and find spots on her fur marked with your teeth.

Hearing Celestia’s coos and moans of pleasure, you approach your final goal; which is playfully covered by Celestia’s multi-colored tail.

Too driven by lust to tease any longer, you easily push her tail aside, exposing her aching, heated marehood. You quickly position yourself in between her extended hind legs.

You turn your head and run your tongue along her inner thigh. You inch closer to her sex, and take a deep breath. Her smell is simply intoxicating. The smell of her arousal sends you over the edge, and you dive in, unable to contain yourself any longer.

You kiss her lips tentatively, attempting to determine what your Princess’ reaction will be this time. Your lips are drenched in Celestia’s juices almost immediately.

She gasps out your name, as though surprised, before stifling a moan.

You take a quick glance at your Goddess. Her eyes are shut tightly, her wings flap once, and her head is thrown back onto the pillows. You take all of these as a good sign, and continue.

You carefully spread her wet, white lips with your fingers, exposing her pink inside. You stick out your tongue and run it along the length of her moistening slit.

“Mmh…” Celestia moans, biting onto her lip.

Your tongue continues to trace up and down her slit, simply enjoying her taste. And her moans of course. With every noise and movement she makes, you feel your own arousal growing.

She wiggles her hips, trying to drive you further inside of her. You respond by extending your tongue as far as you can inside of her tight mound; which isn’t that far, but it seems to satisfy her.

You turn your attention to your Goddess’ swollen button. You wrap your lips around her clit and suck lightly.

“Oh!” Celestia shouts in surprise. “Yes! Harder, please.”

She wiggles her rump, desperately enticing you to continue. She’s pleading for you to continue. She places a hoof on the back of your head, forcing you deeper inside of her.

You take her nub back into your mouth without a second thought. Your tongue runs across it rapidly, increasing her moans. Every time your tongue brushes across her clit, she moans and sighs out your name.

Her juices continue to steadily pour out of her pink slit as you lap them up. You feel her thighs squeeze on either side of your head in a desperate attempt to, not only hold you in place, but bury even you deeper inside of her.

You suck with increasing fervor, feeling Celestia soon approaching her climax.

“I-I’m so close... Mmm…” She groans.

You know she’s close. You’re the one in between her legs.

You take one final moment to run your tongue along her moist slit, enjoying her taste. You stroke her clit one final time with your tongue before pulling away, gently running your teeth over her.

She releases another loud moan before stopping. She looks down at you and raises an eyebrow in confusion, her mouth forming an ‘o.’ She looks so innocent.

You sit up.

“No!” Celestia shouts in surprise, lifting her head off the pillows. “I-I wasn’t-“

“Turn over,” you interrupt.

You see the look of confusion on her face. You motion with her fingers for her to roll over. “It’s OK,” you assure. “Turn over.”

The look of confusion is swiftly overtaken with one of mutual understanding. She smiles at you as she begins to turn over.

You move back slightly, allowing her to comfortably change positions. You admire her impeccable body, her flawless frame, her athletic build. Everything about her is pure perfection. Especially her flanks.

She places her chin on the pillows as she lies on her belly. You hear her take a deep breath in anticipation of what’s to come.

No longer seeing the need in being gentle, you firmly take a hold of your marefriend’s flanks. You hear Celestia sharply draw in her breath at your forceful touch, before hearing her groan. Celestia may not have a very submissive personality, but every once in a while, she thoroughly enjoys being dominated.

You lift her rump off the mattress and into the air, her head still remaining on the pillows, her wings still erect and by her sides, and stand up. You bend down and deliver a brief kiss just above her tail.

You admire her backside for a moment, before deciding to advance. You move her flowing tail out of the way, exposing her heated marehood once more.

You place either of your hands on both of her thighs, respectively. You can feel the heat radiating off of her mound. You push both hands outward, spreading her legs, exposing her further.

Not capable of waiting any longer, you grab either of Celestia’s flanks with both hands, and run your shaft along her lips. You sense the heat radiating from her nethers. You feel her juices slowly trickle down your groin.

She sighs as you slowly guide yourself inside of her. You are met with little resistance as the juices already pouring out of her provide a great natural lubricant.

The feeling of her warm lips around your swollen manhood feels indescribable. The heat emanating from both of your bodies and mixing is already making you sweat.

You push yourself in as far as possible before stopping. Her insides feel like warm velvet, and it is divine.

You stay in this position for a few moments, getting used to the new and very welcome sensation. The only noise in the room is Celestia’s panting.

“Aah!” Celestia shouts as you slowly and deliberately withdraw yourself. She takes a deep, shaking breath. “Oh, yes…”

You pull back until the head of your shaft is still just barely inside of her. You grab tightly onto her flanks, and thrust forward with all of your might.

“Mmfph!” Celestia moans, but is muffled by the pillows.

You repeat the process of withdrawing before advancing again and again. Celestia’s rump moves in rhythm with your hips. As she moves forward, you move back. As she moves back, you move forward.

You move your hands along her flanks and sides, exploring the lower half of her body. You move your hands roughly along her strong flanks. You extend your arms to feel the athletic curves of her waist.

Your bend down and reach your hands under her and towards her stomach. You take her nipples in between your fingers and begin tweaking them, your thrusting never ceasing or letting up.

She moans even louder at your touch. You’ve never done anything quite like this, but judging by the way your Princess is reacting to your every touch, she seems to be enjoying herself almost as much as you are enjoying her.

You grab the base of her flowing tail with one hand and slap flank with the other. Hard. The combination of both cause her to yelp in pleasant surprise.

You look down her body and towards her face. Unfortunately, you cannot see her as she is tightly holding a pillow overtop of her head with her fore hooves. Celestia hates it when she moans, and will often go to great lengths to prevent her from doing so. But you love it. The excited squeals and gasps of pleasure she makes turn you on even more.

You move your hand from her stomach to her thigh. Your fingers begin playing with the sensitive area. You run your fingers across her thigh, kneading some areas, pressing firmly on others, basically massaging her.

All of this at once proves to be too much for your Goddess, as she raises her head slightly from the pillows.

“Aah!” she gasps. “I-I’m so close. Harder! Buck me harder!”

Not one to disobey royalty, you raise your hand and bring it down hard against your Princess’ sensitive flank. You can hear the muffled moan from under the pillows. Her wings twitch once before flapping at your rough touch.

You pull her tail hard towards you, forcing you deeper inside of her than you’ve ever been before. Your thrusting speed doubles as you feel yourself coming close to climax as well.

“I… I’m…” Celestia tries to squeak out. “Aaahmmfph!”

Celestia shouts one final, long, loud moan as you feel her walls tighten around your shaft. Celestia buries her face in the pillows once more halfway through her orgasm, attempting in vain to silence herself.

The feeling of her warm liquid seeping down your thighs and her walls closing hard around your manhood is too much for you to handle. You reach the height of pleasure as you continue to thrust inside of her, releasing everything you’ve been building up.

You take a moment to recover from your climax. Your vision suddenly becomes very hazy and you swoon slightly. You release your grip on Celestia’s steady-flowing tail and her thigh. You bring both hands to rest gently on her flanks.

Your hand kneads the area where you spanked your Goddess, massaging the sore area. Meanwhile your other hand traces along the curves of her waist.

The room is warm. Very warm, especially for winter. Hot, even. But you hardly expected anything else. You were both working pretty hard.

After a few moments, you steadily withdraw yourself entirely from within Celestia. She visibly shudders as you remove your shaft. You take a few seconds to admire your work, Celestia’s backside on display. It’s not every day Celestia simply allows you to dominate her in such a fashion.

The final waves of Celestia’s orgasm finally work their way through her system. Her rump still hangs high in the air as her head rests on the soft mattress. After a few brief moments, her knees give out, and her belly meets the mattress.

You let your body collapse from a standing position to lying next to a panting, satisfied Celestia. After hitting the mattress, you turn on your side and wrap an arm around her, bringing you and her closer together.

You feel Celestia’s chest rapidly expanding and extracting as she attempts to catch her breath. You smile. It’s not very easy to exhaust your marefriend, so you take pride in doing it as often as possible.

You reach your head up and bring it level with hers. Her eyes are closed, her mouth is hanging open, and the light from her horn is dimming further and further as time slowly passes.

You kiss her cheek before moving your head farther up. You kiss her forehead before nibbling on her ears. They move about and flicker at your touch, but that doesn’t stop you. You think it’s rather cute when she does that.

You lay your head back down on your pillow, close your eyes, cuddle into your Princess, and allow your mind to wander until she recovers herself.

You regret not becoming a pizza boy upon arriving in Equestria. If there is one thing you have learned from porn, it’s that the pizza guy always gets laid. Seriously. Just say something really cliché for a porn, like, ‘Ma’am, I’m here to deliver your pizza… with extra large meatballs.’

Then she’ll lick her lips and say something like, ‘What about the sausage?’

Then you’ll lift up the lid and say, ‘You mean this sausage?’

And then you’ll have sex.

You’ve never tried that before, but if there is one thing the internet has taught you, it’s that: delivering pizza = getting laid. Simple math. Maybe you’ll try that with Celestia.

If you weren’t looking for a relationship and just wanted to have sex, than being a pizza delivery boy is the perfect job. But seeing that you’re already in a great relationship, you don’t need to ‘deliver’ any pizzas.

You two don’t have sex every night. Most nights, the both of you are too exhausted to do anything more than spoon. Sometimes you’re both too tired to even talk.

This week, however, is a rare exception. A fantastic, wondrous, orgasmic exception. You have had sex every night this week. You don’t know what has made Celestia so horny all of a sudden. Maybe she’s in heat? How often are ponies in heat?

You don’t know off the top of your head. You’re positive ponies go through heat, but that can’t be the cause this time. Celestia was in heat, like, two months ago. And that was a great month.

Whatever. You’re too tired to think about this. As long as you’re both the happiest you’ve ever been, it shouldn’t really matter.

You feel Celestia move for the first time since finishing. She turns on her side facing towards you, extends a hoof and wing, and wraps them around you. She pulls you into her chest.

It is at this moment that you realize how sweaty you both are. You figured you’d work up a sweat, but this is quite a lot. But you don’t care. The only thing you care about right now has her chin on the top of your head.

Not wanting to have your face in a pool of sweat, you turn over; showing Celestia your bare back, her wing and hoof leave you temporarily.

You move yourself backwards into Celestia’s chest. She wraps a hoof around your waist, pulling you back even further, and drapes a wing over top of your naked form. You feel her hot breath behind your ear.

“That,” Celestia whispers, “was amazing.” She nibbles on your ear, returning the favor.

You laugh a little both at the touch and what Celestia said. “Oh, I know. I was here, wasn’t I?” You reach a hand up and rub her wing gently.

“Of course,” Celestia giggles, resting her chin on top of your head. “You know, I still prefer being on top.”

You smile and roll your eyes. “Really, Princess? It sounded to me like you were enjoying yourself more than ever.” She doesn’t respond, probably out of embarrassment, so you continue. “Maybe you like being rough handled, hmm? Maybe I should get a riding crop?”

Celestia takes a few moments to respond. You can’t see her, but you can almost guarantee her eyes are moving about the room in a desperate attempt to think of some witty response.

“I don’t even know what to say,” she finally concludes. “You are impossible sometimes.”

“I try.” You kiss the top of her wing before releasing a tremendous yawn. “I love you, Celestia.”

“I love you too, sweetie,” she whispers, giving the back of your head a kiss.

You feel exhausted after your late-night festivities, and want nothing more than to peacefully sleep.

Luckily, Celestia’s natural warmth soothes you to such a degree, you fall asleep in mere seconds.

Author's Notes:

I'm tremendously sorry it took so long!
Sorry!
I got no idea what happened to Doc, but he did not edit this chapter. I tried editing it myself, so there are probably numerous mistakes and such.
I'm sorry. I love you all.
ScatMan