Deadpool Vs. Equestria

Issue #20

Previously on Deadpool vs. Equestria...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3AORKWkN3-c

[That's not really what happened, is it?]

{You don't believe us? Take a look for yourself.}
_____________________________________________________________

Deadpool looked at the Hulk. Pinkie looked at Deadpool and the Hulk. Hulk looked at Deadpool.

"Well... hi the-" Deadpool said, before being grabbed by the ankle, and slammed repeatedly into the ground, with Pinkie watching with her hands cupped to her mouth. To say the least, the entire thing was very surprising. And painful to watch.

{I could watch it all day.}

[True. But you have to watch it happen to Loki.]

"Father?" Deadpool asked out of nowhere.

{Why do we bother.}

Deadpool used his teleporter to have him stand quickly. At least, he would have, had this not been his third time in a row. Meaning...

*Fzzt* *BOOM*

"Curses. Foiled again." Deadpool said, standing up.

{You don't have to say that.}

Yes he does.

[AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!]

{FOR THE LAST TIME, THERE IS NO STORY THAT DOESN'T RECEIVE UNEXPLAINED DISLI-}

[THAT OTHER DEADPOOL STORY GOT CANCELLED! DAMN IT DAMN IT DAMN IT DAMN!]

{...Huh?}

[YOU KNOW. THAT 'OTHER' DEADPOOL STORY WITH THE DIMENSION HOPPING!]

{...Oh, that?}

[WHAT DO YOU MEAN 'Oh that!?' THIS IS THE WORST.

POSSIBLE.

THING!]

{Screw off, you tool, it got rebooted.}

[It did??? YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!]

...

...

[...Wait, I'm a tool?]

"Back to the story at hand..." Deadpool interrupted his head voices. He felt around his leg, and, to his surprise, didn't feel any holsters.

[That's weird. You're supposed to have a Vector sub-machine gun on ya.]

{One, he's wearing patriot pants and a WWE shirt. In other words, civillian clothing. Two, WHY CAN'T HE USE A MAGIC SATCHEL!?}

I don't think he uses it as often now.

{So?}

...Fine.

Deadpool reached behind his back for his katanas, and pulled out them out.

Deadpool blinked, and had a look at his 'katanas.'

...

...

...

...

"On closer inspection, these are rulers."

Deadpool scratched his head, with some his fingers letting go of one ruler to let them scratch. He got the feeling something was laughing at him.

He looked behind him, and Pinkie was trying very hard to stifle some giggles... but failed at that, and burst out in laughter, falling down and rolling on her sides.

[...Uh. Improvise.]

"...Uh... I measure your time of dea-" Deadpool thought for a moment, becoming pretty sure Pinkie wouldn't be all that comfortable with him killing everything. "I... measure your time of defeat is... one centimetre long..."

{You could have used that to insult the Hulk's junk like all vain mercenaries do.}

"I'm vain?" Deadpool asked himself.

[Remember you went around Ponyville singing that certain LMFAO song? Sexy and you 'think' it?]

"Sounds like me, but I don't remember that."

{Other Deadpool.}

[Really? I kinda remember that one well. Unless I was laughing a lot.]

"Is it me, or is this chapter becoming more dialogue oriented at the best moment to have a fight sc-" Deadpool began, before being picked up and thrown into a wall by the Hulk. He held on tight to his rulers so he didn't lose them. He got up, took a moment to crack his spine joints, then his neck, before looking at the Hulk, who looked angry. What else?

"In this battle..." Deadpool began... "We utilize... THE METRIC SYSTEM! TAKE NOTES!"

{And you couldn't have thought that up before?}

Shaddap.

The Hulk charged at him, while Deadpool jumped into the air, using one of the rulers to hit him in the back of the head. Hulk growled in pain, and jumped high into the air, intending to land on him.

[Not again.]

The Hulk landed in Deadpool's general area. He stood up to punch the red merc... but found only a WWE shirt and patriot pants, both rather crumpled and messy, along a pair of rulers. The Hulk was confused and scratched his head, wondering where the talking man went.

Deadpool was a few feet above the Hulk, and he was firing two machine pistols at the Hulk's general area. Due to the Hulk's durability, they didn't injure him, but the amount of bullets, along with their velocity, was pushing him down and causing slight pain. When Deadpool landed, he continued firing his guns, in a 360 degree thingy. After this, he teleported onto Hulk's back, and covered his eyes, leaving the Hulk blinded.

"TALKING MAN STOP BEFORE HULK BREAK YOU!"

"Nope." Deadpool said, before being grabbed, and held in front of Hulk. "Oh."

Hulk reached his fist back to punch him.

{How did you get out of almost being squished again?}

Teleport. Why?

[You've done that twice now.]

"Hey, you're right!"

Hulk became momentarily confused at Deadpool's random outburst. Pinkie just shrugged at a wall. Hulk then slammed his fist into Deadpool's face.

*Fzzt* *KABLOOEY*

Instead of a little short circuit, Deadpool's belt exploded entirely. Apparently, this was designed to be accidental, and fate was punishing him for trying to use his misgivings to good use. Either that, or he's used it too much. Anyway. Deadpool was thrown backwards by the explosion. And so was Hulk. Pinkie wasn't, she wasn't in the vicinity, but she was certainly worried for Deadpool's safety. And the ground suffered a little bit more. But that's not important... IS BOOMER OKAY!?

AGH! WRONG BOOMER!

Nevertheless... that's cool...I guess...

{Oi. Let's get back to your story. You haven't updated us in a while.}

[Or The Recluse.]

{Or Deadlights, which you have to work on. They demand it. I think.}

[Or Pennywise.]

{That's complete, moron.}

[It is? ... But... I thought he said there'd be more?]

{Deadlights is the upcoming sequel, I thought you knew that!}

[...Okay... what about The Deceased House?]

[What?]

I thought you said you wanted me to continue this story?

{Continue.}

Hyper and Cutie looked at this scene. Their faces were those of astoundation. {That's not a word.} Then Hyper had one thing to say.

"Why do these things not happen in Equestria?" He asked Cutie.

"Because... uhm... Equestria's... more peaceful?" She answered.

"Huh. I guess when those two 20-somethings who sang 'Whole New World' hadn't really manage to go to a new world." Hyper joked.

"That's one of my favourite songs..." Cutie commented.

"I like the Author's hairdo."

{HEY, HOLD ON, WAIT!}

What?

{HE CAN'T DO THAT! HE'S TECHNICALLY AN OC! HE SHOULDN'T GET TO DO THIS!}

...Okay. Now I know and knowing is half the battle, G.I No, Marvel lost the rights 20 years go, can we please continue this?

"...Sorry, what was that?" Cutie asked.

"I said I really like your fur!" He replied. "I think!"

"O-oh.. um... thank you..." She shakily replied.

"Now let's see how the weird red guy is doing now!" Hyper said, looking forward. It appeared the Hulk had jumped out, as Deadpool was doing some sort of victory dance and song. And his costume was slightly torn, so it was quite visible that he was wearing boxers with hearts on them. {Cliché.} Nevertheless, he kept dancing.

{Shame.}

"Huh?" Deadpool asked himself.

{Shame.}

"Why? I won!" Deadpool declared. "I think!"

{No, the winning pony is Cloud Kicker. Keep that in mind.}

"Who?"

[Wow, I'm not getting a chance to speak. LOOK OVER THERE.]

Deadpool looked where he assumed the Yellow caption box was pointing, and saw a Taco Stand outside.

"Mm! I could definitely do with some victory food!" He said.

[No, behind you.]

"Huh?" He turned around. "Oh... WHAT!?"

He watched what looked like S.H.I.E.L.D officers attempting to kidnap Pinkie Pie, using one of those techno ropes that all cliché military peace-keeping groups in battle armour use. Some were covering their ears though. She was rambling.

"Hi, weird armoured guys who look like they're from some obvious sci-fi military! What's the sci-fi rope for? Are we having one of those weird parties, because I'm not up for one of those! Or maybe it's because I'm a biological oddity! Although that wouldn't make sense, I'm human n-" And she, along with a few others were teleported.

"...Uh... guys? Where'd you take her?" Deadpool asked, before guns were pointed at him, and they looked ready to kill. "Okay... I come back..." Deadpool said, before trying to teleport. After that failed, he looked around and saw all the bits of belt scattered over the place. He wondered if he was still holding his guns. Well, he was holding one, at least.

"...Uh... ... ... I got nothin'." Deadpool groaned, before shooting them all in the legs, then stomping on them, then hit them on the head until they became unconscious.

[Why is this necessary? You coulda just shot their heads.]

Deadpool started taking off one of the soldier's armour.

{Either losing another girl has troubled you, or you're doing a useless disguise plan.}

About 1 minute later, he was in S.H.I.E.L.D gear. He then proceeded to shoot the soldier he stole from in the head.

[Err...]

Deadpool tapped a module on his armour's arm. Arm armour arm armour arm armour

{AUTHOR.}

Sorry.

"Always wanted to try this!" Deadpool said, before blasting off into the sky. Did I mention that his armour had a jetpack? Of course I did.

{Oh, THAT'S why you did that... why are the other two alive, though?}

[It's Deadpool, don't question it.}

{We're both Deadpool.}

[Yeah, but...]

Deadpool looked around in the sky, and sure enough, he found what he was looking for...

The S.H.I.E.L.D Helicarrier.

"And so, shit hits the fans..." Deadpool announced to himself, speeding towards the Helicarrier.

"Not the fans as in, nerdy fans, I mean the fans as in, the fans that blow wind and never work when it gets too warm because it's laughing at you." Deadpool assured you.
_________________________________________________________

To be continued in the next issue!

{Thank gawd for that, that took so bloody long.}

[Seriously though, when are you gonna update The Deceased House?]

*File: Yellow Caption Box deleted*

...Frickin' rock stars from Mars...

Author's Notes:

Hai. ...This is me testing out the new way to do the Author's Note.

Hurray.

Anyway. I guess I'll tell you why I haven't worked on this much.

I was reading. Don't you do that sometimes?

Bai.