Deadpool Vs. Equestria
by Live Light
First published
The Merc With A Mouth finds himself in Equestria. This'll take some getting used to.
Deadpool has found himself in Equestria. He isn't very happy about being in a place that's too happy, but he is trying to fit in with everypony. He makes friends and enemies, and confuses the hell out of everything. Will he be able to find a way home?Will he be stuck there? And if so, will he be a good citizen, or bring about the end of Equestria as we know it?
"You know, I don't do that to EVERYWHERE I go, you didn't have to mention that. You're lucky you're safe behind your little laptop screen or wherever the hell you're using this from. If you destroy my image completely in here, I will not hesitate to strangle ya through the-"
Do you wish for a story or not?
"Fine."
So let it be said... so let it... be done.
Issue #1: Welcome To Equestria: Part 1
Deadpool Vs. Equestria
Issue #1
Welcome To Equestria
Part 1
Tutorial
This is written as his reaction happens. Any and all interruptions Deadpool gives me is beyond my control. My narrative may become argumentative.
He is prone to schizophrenic voices. [This signifies the cranial entity he calls the Yellow Box] {While this is the White box.}
__________________________________________
New York.
It's a relatively okay place to live.
No, really.
Sure, it's big. And it's scary. And those skyscrapers make you wanna climb up and jump off them simply because the feeling of falling is fun. Well, I wouldn't know, I haven't tried it.
Anyway. You would see a lot of interesting things if you existed in the New York we know of. Lemme put it this way... if you're reading this right now, there is no way in hell or Tartarus you can get to the New York I'm talking about.
{They can dream, Harold.}
Shaddap. And don't call me Harold.
The citizens of this city could catch sight of Spider-Man swinging through the city. Seems to me, he's the ideal hero. But not for this story, no. The Human Torch could be seen flying about too. But meh. Same case with Iron Man. And Cap doesn't even fly or do the THWIP THWIP.
No. Our hero today, is not a hero, but he is the only one for this story. Because it was only today he could comprehend the phenomenon that is... Bronyism.
Now, sure. Peter Parker had gotten minorly dragged into it. But as Spider-Man, he ignored those urges until the important time. With Great Power Comes Great Responsibility. No lolligagging. ...Skyrim memories proceeding into brain... LEAVE. I HAVE A CROSSB- no, I won't go there. I'll just rephrase that. No procrastinating. Better.
Johnny Storm isn't even allowed on the internet for now. He accidentally melted a computer. Iron Man thinks it's weird... and we don't even know if Captain America even gets on the internet.
Our hero for today... is none other... than Wade Wilson... better known as... Deadpool. I know what you're thinking. "But he kills people! Who says he won't kill ponies either!?"
[You raise a fairly good point, hypothetical bludgeoning of the brain. Here's a thought... SHUT UP.]
You shut up. Anyway. This is because of a certain dare he was forced to partake in.
You see, his friend, Jack Hammer, better known as Weasel, is a closet brony. And today, Wade walked in on him watching Dragonshy. Deadpool guffawed at his apparent new level of girliness, and Weasel deflected his claims, and dared him to watch an episode, or else he would torture him with a Dubstep Dishwasher for many years to come. And now I know what you're thinking again, and I won't even bother quoting you. You're wondering why Wade won't kill Weasel, as he easily could. Well, that idea had crossed his mind. Then, he remembered Weasel is an important member of his group of bros. Should one member kill another, they must walk around New York City in a tutu, and then, after accomplishing this, must spend the rest of their life trying to get eaten by a land-shark. Deadpool had no choice, but to accept.
Today, Deadpool had taken measures to ensure he would win this dare. He strapped himself to a chair, and ate the key. It tasted good, for some reason. Then again, he did place it in a taco first. He then realized he couldn't start the episode because his arms were still strapped in. He had Weasel put on an episode for him. He put on Feeling Pinkie Keen. Deadpool watched it. He was most surprised indeed.
The eponymous character, Pinkie Pie, is a pink Earth-Pony, who seems to treat the laws of physics as if they were willing slaves and asked for a butt-kicking. It's like watching a realistic cartoon. And it was actually kinda funny. Deadpool admired her ability to abuse the forth wall of the cartoon. And the twitches, and the doozies, and the spontaneous combustions from nerds raging. It was all glorious.
Now that the episode had ended, he was now trying to escape. The chair wasn't nailed to the ground, so he was able to stand up. However, he had difficulty moving about. He fell three times. First, he had to use his legs to get up. Which took approximately 30 seconds. He fell over two more times, and he used his teleportation mechanism hidden in his belt to help him up. He thought of his falling over, combined with his patience for life, as Lives. He now had one life left, until he gave up on humanity entirely.
After a bunch of trying hard, he managed to open the door.
Unfortunately, he wasn't aware of any plans Weasel might have. You see, the genius had gotten a bunch of spare parts, and had finally completed a portal. It wasn't just any portal. It was a portal to Equestria. He didn't like how New York had turned out, and so wanted to get out. But he bought cells that made it a one-way-trip deal. He couldn't go back unless there were more cells over in Equestria. He was leaving all his cells at home for this. Unfortunately for him, however, Deadpool came running out the door, still strapped to the chair, tripping over and somersaulting through the portal. The last trace of him left was the empty, still strapped, locked, and useful-only-for-sitting chair.
{Weasel would be happy to know that his portal to Equestria was being used as a fan-fic plot device for our hero.}
No. he wouldn't. But he'd be happy to know that it at least worked. Deadpool fell through the portal. At first, he found himself inside a big ball of wibbly wobbly, timey wimey... stuff. Then, it turned into a tunnel of wibbly wobbly timey wimey stuff. Then, he was booted into another direction, and was experiencing a Rainbow Road effect like the one from 2001: A Space Odyssey. Eventually, he fell through a portal opening on the other side, and fell out of consciousness.
-----
And now we're up to speed.
[FINALLY. YOU TAKE TOO LONG.]
Au contraire, yellow box. My chapters used to be over 2000 words long. Now, they are under that, and over 1000. I want to be over 9000 words.
{No you can't. No you shouldn't. Don't even try.}
I CAN DREAM, HAROLD.
{Don't call me Shirley.}
Wha- ...Never mind. Let's get back to the story.
-----
Deadpool woke up to the sound of birds singing and crickets chirping. He opened his eyes. He looked around the place. This looked a bit too familiar to him.
"And flash animated, author."
Yes, I know. Do you know what it is?
"It's not Equestria, is it?"
No, it's World of Warcraft.
"FFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-"
I'm just kidding.
"Wa- WHAT!? You mean I'm actually in a kid's show right now!?"
Yes.
"But... I'm rated T for teen! And my video game is probably gonna be rated M! This doesn't work in a kid's show!"
Calm down. The cartoon you saw would be like a fictional representation of them. Out here, it's far more realistic.
"You mean... there's no Pinkie Pie breaking the 4th wall?"
There is, bu-
"That's not realistic at all."
I... shut up. Go to Ponyville.
"No."
Do you want me to write untrue things about you? Because in this fan-fic, what I write, I-
"Fine, I'll get on with the story, provided you don't do this throughout the entire story okay!? Seriously, our interactions are probably gonna be hated by the audience... So... what now..."
Deadpool looked around some more. He tried to stand up on his hind legs, but then, he felt pain in his back.
"It hurts to stand. And my arms don't feel right... what is up with tha-"
He took a look at his new appendages. His arms had turned to forelegs. He was still wearing his costume, and he had his weapons... but... he was a horse. Worse... a pony. He blinked a moment. He looked at around, and saw a marking on the flank part of his costume. What his Cutie Mark looked like, was a yellow speech bubble.
[You have a nice flank.]
Deadpool didn't respond to his migraine-inducing voice.
{Hey, champ, you oka-}
Deadpool suddenly erupted into a bunch of screaming and began running around in circles madly, in panic.
[Well, look at what you did, White Box, you made him hysterical.]
{You're the one hitting on him.}
[I... shut up.]
{No.}
Deadpool eventually got bored of running in circles, but not in screaming like a girl.
"HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYYYY!" He screamed hysterically, as he heard me.
As I was saying, he got bored of running in circles, and so ran towards Ponyville, still screaming. When he reached it, it looked exactly as it did on the show. Too peaceful, a lot of colourful buildings, and...
Suddenly, Pinkie Pie.
"Hi there, screaming funny guy! I'm Pinkie Pie! And you're new here! I know you're new here, because I know everypony in Ponyville, and I mean EVERYpony in Ponyville, and I haven't seen you before which means you're new! Although, I guess another way of showing you're new is by taking into account the fact that you were running around, screaming while the author practically broke your brain, which I definitely did not talk about just now and you should ignore! Hey, you know what this calls for? A PARTY!
Deadpool stared at her momentarily, unsure what to think of this. He then spoke one word...
"Rosebud..."
And jumped in the air, to land on his side, effectively knocking himself unconscious.
To be continued in the next issue!
{Hey, Writer, are you sure it was a good idea to gain total control over this fan-fic by killing off the direc-}
You've said enough. I'm leaving you now.
Issue #2: Welcome To Equestria: Part 2
Deadpool Vs. Equestria
Issue #1
Welcome To Equestria
Part 1
Previously, on Deadpool Vs. Equestria...
Deadpool was forced by Weasel, who had been assimilated into the herd, to watch an episode from My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic. The assimilation taking effect, Deadpool attempted to escape, but fell through Weasel's portal to Equestria. He made his way to Ponyville, and met Pinkie Pie... will this spell doom, or will adventures that have the label of enjoyment written around them occur? Tune in to find out...
[This is a fan-fiction, not a TV show.]
Meh.
______________________________________________________________
Deadpool had the weirdest dream. It was a dream he usually hated. It's basically him running about. Then, a foreboding building appears in front of him... and he would enter it. Then the camera broke. The dream he had just now was essentially had... except, he was a horse. And the camera didn't break. It showed him and what was inside the building... he was horrified to see the following... A G3 pony with an axe.
"AAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Deadpool screamed upon awakening. He looked around, and saw he was in a basement... filled with all kinds of science-y stuff. Flasks, wires, beakers, test tubes, the works. And... colourful ponies who looked all too familiar. There was a purple one, with a painful looking spike on her head that lets her do all sorts of voodoo, of which Doctor Strange would be proud. He remembered her name as Twilight Sparkle.
{Stephanie Meyer?}
[Oh, shut up.]
Next, there was a cyan horse with wings, and a rainbow-coloured mane and tail. He doesn't quite remember her name, as he didn't find her important enough in the episode he saw to remember, but figured the name had to do with her hair. There was also an orange pony, with a blond mane and tail, both tied up in a braid. She was also wearing a cowboy/girl/whatevs hat.
[Is that... OUTLAW!? SHE'S STUCK HERE TOO WITH YOU!? Quickly, repair everything with her, and you can still score... despite... the horsiness...]
{No, that's Applejack, the cowpony. Idiot.}
Next to her was an alabaster head-spiked horse with a purple mane and tail, which was styled to be the most fashionable it could be.
{Fricking fashion-obsessed.}
[Kids watch this show, you know.]
{Internet. Deal with it. I'm right, anyway.}
[She's not too bad...]
{She probably is.}
Next to her was a butter-yellow winged pony with a pink mane and tail, and teal eyes, who Deadpool remembered was Fluttershy, the defence-less one.
{You never mentioned the other ponies' eye colours.}
Because those ones weren't worth as much as her.
[That's unfair.]
I don't care, she's cute and adorable, and pulls off looking beautiful without trying, unlike the alabaster one.
{He's got a point.}
[Can we continue the story, we had a complaint about using the fourth wall too much.]
You're doing it too. Anyway. Next to her, was an all too familiar pink pony with a magneta mane and tail that was really frizzy and all over the place, and her name was Pinkie Pie. Now that Deadpool had a chance to look around, he was in the same basement that Pinkie was placed in for experimentation. He was even strapped into the same place as her, with wirey stuff on a helmet thing on his head which hides his brain. When he took a closer look at the ponies, he saw that some of them wore expressions of curiosity, fear, and, for Rainbow Dash, resentment. Deadpool yelled what came to mind.
"SAFEWORD!"
{You idiot. They don't like you that much.}
[And you're still a horse.]
{So are they, but they still don't like him. And they probably like him less.}
[Why's the pink one laughing then?]
{I dunno. Maybe it was funny. Wait, what?}
Indeed, the pink one was laughing. The other ponies looked at her confusion, with Deadpool still unaware of what's happening. Pinkie eventually calmed, and stopped laughing, but had a faint smile on her face. The other ponies rolled their eyes, and looked to Deadpool.
"...Hi. Nice to see you. How I have missed you, hallucinations." He greeted.
"We're very real, sir." Twilight responded.
"And so is the White House." Deadpool replied with obvious sarcasm.
[The White House is very real. But it doesn't matter now, it doesn't exist in here. But in Earth it does. That's what stops you from doing everything without the law getting in the way.]
"Shut up." He said out loud.
"Err... we didn't say anything..." Twilight said. "But... anyway... who are you, and what are you doing here with so many weapons?"
{Well, that explains the lack of hospitality one would usually receive.}
"I don't know." Deadpool replied.
"But you did know you went here, right?"
"I know. I was there..."
"So... by way of logic... you should have a reason for coming here."
"Yes. By way of logic."
"He doesn't seem to be one of logic." The alabaster unicorn said.
"Why do you have me here?" Deadpool asked. "This is so awkwark!"
"Shouldn't that be 'Awkward?'" Pinkie said.
"Yes. Damn typo."
Why you gotta pin everything on me.
"Uhm... you know... this might be a misunderstanding..." Fluttershy suggested.
"What's there to misunderstand about an armed intruder?" Rainbow said, with narrowed eyes at Deadpool.
"I bet your name has something to do with a rainbow. That'd be so cliché." Deadpool said.
Twilight raised an eyebrow.
"Jus' what is yer name?" Applejack said.
"Don't you remember me? ...No wait, not Outlaw, my mistake, err... I am Wade Wilson. And you can call me Deadpool. Aaand... your cartoon is... mediocre." Deadpool summarised, to keep his long-gone dignity.
"Uh... cartoon? Wha's that mean?" Applejack asked.
"He means our life so far, what else?" Pinkie said.
"See? One of you is smart." Deadpool said. "Now... who are you people, since I know four of you, but two of you aren't important enough to remember? And forget I said I know you, that's not important either."
"But how do you kn-" Twilight began, before Pinkie interrupted, appearing in front of Deadpool.
"Glad you asked! I'm Pinkie Pie, that's Twilight, That's Rainbow Dash, that's Applejack, that's Rarity, that's Fluttershy..." She introduced, pointing a hoof to the ponies as she named them, "And I'm Pinkie Pie! Did I say that?"
Deadpool had thoughts on only one thing.
"I KNEW HER NAME HAD SOMETHING TO DO WITH RAINBOWS!"
{Big whoop.}
Rainbow rolled her eyes. Twilight asked again, "What are you doing here?"
"Weeeeelllll... you ever heard of an alternate dimension type deal?" Deadpool responded.
"I have!" Pinkie responded. Twilight just nodded, as did Fluttershy. The others shook their heads.
"See, the situation here is... it's like that, but I come from a different universe, so-"
"That's not scientifically possible." Twilight interrupted. "It's been theorized, but never worked. You are scientifically impossible."
"That's not a very nice thing to say, Twi!" Pinkie said. "Besides, it IS possible!"
"What?" Was all Twilight could say.
"Just think about it. Where have you seen a cannon like this?" Pinkie pointed a hoof towards a direction Deadpool couldn't turn around to look at, but she was probably talking about his sidearm or his rifle. "Or a blade like that?" Pinkie indicated his katana, presumably.
"Well, no, bu-"
"Can I get out of this? I really need to itch." Deadpool said, complaining about his predicament of being strapped in the same place.
"No," Twilight began, "I've locked it with a key. You won't be free until you ans-"
"There ya go!" Pinkie said, as she unlocked the straps with the aforementioned key.
"B-b-but..." Twilight looked at a table, not able to find the key she placed there.
"FINALLY." Deadpool said, as he was free. And not itching anything.
"I thought you needed an itch?" Pinkie said.
"I needed an excuse to get out. I can't answer your questions under pressure." Deadpool replied.
"How exactly did you find yourself here?" Twilight asked.
"It's always you, you, you, who has to ask the questions isn't it. GUH. Fine. I watched an episode of... ... ..." Understanding they don't know about their cartoon, and not sure where it'll take his dignity to admit this, "......thingy, and ran away from it, and accidentally fell through my friend's portal to... thingy."
"And you couldn't have walked?" Rainbow said.
"Different universe, remember. And besides, have you noticed, those 'cannons' as you falsely name them... DON'T FIT HOOVES!?" He spontaneously emphasized.
"...Now that you think of it..." Twilight began, before Deadpool continued.
"I am not a horse. I am a human being. Technically. And I want my fingers and toes back." He calmly stated.
"Humans... don't exist..." Twilight said.
"In my universe, neither do you. Well, not spike-headed horses-"
"Unicorns." Twilight and Rarity said in unison.
"Or winged horses-"
"Pegasi." Rainbow and Fluttershy said in unison.
"Just... well... what's your species, Pinkie?"
"Earth-Pony, why?"
"Ah. See. In my universe, Earth is a planet. With earth. Which means the ground. And there's the sky. And there are clouds and rainbows. And the sun and moon exist too." Deadpool explained.
"If there aren't any Pegasi in your place, does that mean there's no weather?" Rainbow asked.
"...Wha- Yo- I-... WHAT!? It's common sense that the weather changes by itself! You mean to tell me this place's weather changes depending on whether Pegasi think it should rain or not!?"
"Kinda... we have a schedule."
"And don't tell me... the sun and moon need help to move?"
"Princess Celestia and Princess Luna are the ones who move th-" Twilight began, before Deadpool interrupted.
"NO. ABSOLUTELY NOT. I refuse to believe that this place doesn't have a space! Hey, that rhymed. Anyway, you need space. So you can have astronauts. And for the sun and moon to orbit by itself. Getting royalty to move it is WEIRD. WHAT IS THIS SORCERY!?"
"Magic." Twilight said.
"Shut up. Anyway. Since I won't be going anywhere soon, I might as well have a look around the place. By myself."
"I'll go with you!" Pinkie offered.
"Errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrnope." He simply said.
"Come oooon."
"No."
"Come ooooon!"
"No."
"OH, COME AWWWN."
"Stop stealing my possible mannerisms."
"Not until you let me come with!"
"...Fine. Let's go upwards."
And so they did.
And so five of the Mane 6 were left confused... before going up with them.
As Deadpool and Pinkie went outside the building Deadpool already knew was a library from the episode he watched but paid attention only to Pinkie in, Deadpool asked Pinkie an important question.
"Okay. I'm gonna ask you a question... and this is going to determine whether we'll get along well or not..."
"Okay!" Pinkie said.
"What do you know... of the author?"
"Everything."
Deadpool took a moment to think about this, and maybe also to conspire against me. Then he spoke,
"You're my new favourite!" He said, with a grin.
"That's good to know! So, where now?"
"I'm starving. Do you ponies do chimi-changas or tacos?
"Well, in Sugarcube Corner, usually, we do Chimicherrychangas, a-"
"I'M SOLD. LET'S EAT."
And so they galloped over to Sugarcube Corner.
To be continued in the next issue!
{You should be running, they're conspiring against you.}
Let them try...
Issue #3: Welcome To Equestria: Part 3
Deadpool Vs. Equestria
Issue #1
Welcome To Equestria
Part 1
Previously, on Deadpool Vs. Equestria...
Deadpool was forced by Weasel, who had been assimilated into the herd, to watch an episode from My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic. The assimilation taking effect, Deadpool attempted to escape, but fell through Weasel's portal to Equestria. He made his way to Ponyville, and met Pinkie Pie, waking up to be sort of interrogated by the 6 main ponies from the show. After a bunch of explaining, Pinkie Pie decides to accompany Deadpool as he explores his surroundings. But first, a trip to Sugarcube Corner...
[AM I STILL HARD FOR YOU TO READ!? HERE! NOW! YOU CAN READ ME! STILL CAN'T!? DAMN YOU! GO PUT ON THE DARK SETTING. IT'S ON THE UPPER RIGHT OF THE PAGE.]
{Shut up.}
__________________________________________________________________
Pinkie stared awkwardly at Deadpool as he tried to eat his Chimi-Cherry-Changa with his mouth. It seemed as if, at the same time, he was trying to hide the mouth. Pinkie wasn't really paying attention to that fact.
"Uh, Deadpool." Said Pinkie.
"Uh huh?" He said between eating.
"That''s not really how we all eat from plates... just letting you know..."
"Howh elsh d'yu eech t'en?" He said, just about finishing his food.
"With our hooves! What else?" She said.
Deadpool waited until he was finished eating, and just before Pinkie could get a look at his muzzle, he placed a handkerchief over it to clean it. Then, he pulled his mask down.
"No you can't." He said.
"Can't what?"
"Use your hooves to eat. You have no fingers. Don't even try to suggest you can do that. You'll only humiliate me more. It's painful enough I feel like my nerve endings have become ffff...." Deadpool attempted to say.
[Er. Wade. It's simple.]
"Ffffff."
{No, it's not.}
[...]
Deadpool had lost the ability to use Earthern swears. But his voices hadn't. That made it worse.
"FFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-"
{For the first time in ages, we win. To humiliate him further, I shall say, Buck his life. ...Agh.}
[Typo?]
{Yes.}
"I'm using that," Deadpool began. "It's painful enough I feel like my nerve endings have become bucked up."
"Nice improv, for not knowing that's actually a word we use in that situation!" Pinkie said.
"Really? Oh. I can read minds, I guess."
"Nope, you can't."
"No, I can't..." he said, disappointed.
"It's alright! So, whaddya wanna know?" Pinkie asked.
"Well. Tell me. Have you heard of the Brony?" Deadpool asked, combatting realistic-ness itself, hoping to have found a way to confuse Pinkie by the end of his stay in Equestria, if he ever gets out.
"You mean men near 18-usually under 50s who're into our show?"
"Yeah."
"Nope!"
"Whuh?"
"Now it's my turn to ask you something... Have you joined the herd?"
Confusing Pinkie didn't work out... it only confused him.
"Err... not really." He replied.
"You said you hadn't heard of the show! How can you not know if you joined or not?"
{She's trolling you now.}
"Are you trolling me?" Deadpool asked.
"Nope, that's Princess Celestia's job." She responded.
"You have a PRINCESS!?"
"I think we established that in the last issue."
"Good point. ..." Deadpool paused. "... ...You said last issue."
"Yah."
"..."
"What? I thought you noticed by now."
"I did. I'm just surprised."
[Why are you surprised?]
{Stop asking him. YOU'LL BLOW OUR COVER!}
"It's already blown!" Pinkie said out of nowhere.
{Uh?}
[What?]
"I like this one." Deadpool said.
Pinkie gave an impossibly large grin.
"So then... this princess. I'm gonna jump to a conclusion... this Princess is next in line for the throne, and when she's bored, she trolls other ponies, and it's usually up to her Mom and/or Dad, being the Queen and King respectively/other way around (this has happened before, I think), to stop her. Am I right?"
"Nope."
"Well, what then?"
"The Princess is our ruler. There's no King or Queen."
{That ain't right.}
"So... just a sort of Monarchy of nonsense then?" Deadpool asked.
"Maybe." She responded.
"How does she become Princess without being promoted to Queen?"
"Most of us think it's so she gets free cake." Pinkie nodded.
"Oooohhhh. Right. She certainly plans ahead."
"Yeah, while we're all happy with her as our ruler, she can be kind of annoying sometimes..."
"Really? Do tell." Deadpool responded.
"Well, let's see..." Pinkie began her rant... "In the first episode, she mysteriously disappears somewhere when the villain Nightmare Moon appears, and it's only when we unlock the Elements of Harmony that she equally mysteriously re-appears, as if our efforts weren't that necessary. Next, she gives two gala tickets, one to Twi, one to anypony she chooses, and so we start fighting over it, and it only takes Twi to mail her saying that if all her friends can't go, then she won't, then Celestia's all like, 'Why didn't you say so?" and sends the next 4 tickets back, as if it wasn't obvious we'd have some sort of problem with this. Another good one, in the beginning of the second season, she waits until everypony including Twilight becomes discorded to actually help, by sending Twilight back the friendship letters written to her so that she remembers the meaning of friendship, and also, her sister Luna, who was originally Nightmare Moon, appeared at the Nightmare Night celebration, only with her culture a thousand years behind, it'd be good logic for Celestia to tell her how we act nowadays, unless Celestia just told her we follow the same customs in this time, just because she thought it'd be funny, Luna was practically yelling at everypony because she thought ponies still liked being yelled at!"
Pinkie finished, then looked around, as if someone was listening to her heretical rant, and added, "If you believe such things."
"Ah. I see." Deadpool said, indeed believing the place was being ruled by a maniacal tyrant.
[Ask her out.]
{Wait, what? Did you read ahead in the script or something?}
[There is no script. Surely you remember, the Writer writes something, and sees where it takes him.]
He's right, you know.
{It's still too early. I know a commenter who recently got killed by us wanted it, but it's too early! Ask her for a platonic thing or something.}
"I have no idea what they just said." Deadpool said.
"Sorry, didn't hear ya, I thought I heard somepony suggest something concerning me."
"Probably not. Anyway, what sorta things do ya usually do?"
"I'm an excellent baker, but what I really love to do is PARTYING! *GAAAASP* We still haven't thrown you a Welcome to Ponyville party yet!"
"Yeah, yelling at the sky coming here was a party enough for me, thank you very much." Deadpool responded.
"It sounded like you were screaming!" Pinkie giggled.
"I was not. I was shouting. And I was on helium." Deadpool lied.
"I thought helium made you sleepy after having too much."
"...Nope."
"Anyway... Besides that..." Pinkie began. "I like to do pranks."
[Oh, yay. Mayhem.]
"Oh, really......." Deadpool began.
"Friendly pranks."
"Agh."
{Go do something pranky. Now.}
[And get a chance at love.]
{SHE'S A HORSE.}
[So's he.]
{Why would he be used to it right now?}
"I thought I heard somepony state the obvious about me for a moment." Pinkie said.
"You know what, me too. I wonder if whoever said that can hear me tell them to shut up." Deadpool responded cheerily.
{{We're sorry]]
"So anyway... I think we should do some pranking. What's your next course of action?" Deadpool suggested.
"Sorry. You're new. And you seem bored. So, I'll wait till your used to this place. That, and the author had trouble thinking of ideas."
Pinkie...
"Okay, sure. Anything exciting I can do?"
"Why don't you walk outside and in? I usually do that when I'm stumped on what to do!" Pinkie suggested.
"...Uh. Right. Akay."
Deadpool got out of his seat, and walked to the Sugarcube Corner entrance. Then, he opened the door, and went through it, into the open air. He looked around.
{Suddenly, you've got mail!}
Deadpool was hit in the face with an envelope. He tried his best to pick it up with hooves, but ended up only turning it over on the ground. He saw there was a royal seal on it. He picked it up with his mouth, used a hoof to keep in on a wall, and grabbed a knife with his mouth. He managed to cut the envelope open, and used the knife to pin the letter to the wall. It read,
To any traveller who should not have existed in this universe, now is the time for you to speak to me. I must assess your reason for coming here, and whether or not you are a threat. Five minutes after you receive this, a transport will be waiting for you.
Sincerely,
Princess Celestia.
[The plot thickens.]
HAH! PLOT!
[Shush, White box. We'll have none of your inappropriateness...ess.]
Deadpool shrugged his shoulder, used his mouth to place his knife in the knife sheathe on his suit, and walked back in. Pinkie appeared in front of him as soon as he entered.
"Hi! Did you come up with something?"
"A letter got thrown in my face, yeah! So now, I have to wait five minutes for a Celestia minion to collect me simply because I'm not from around here!"
"So... new adventure?"
"Yeah! I feel awesome already! I'm sure the readers wanna know what'll happen!"
"Totally!"
The other customers in the apparently edible building looked at the two with confusion, then shrugged. They were used to Pinkie's antics. Probably found a new friend, they guessed.
*5 minutes later*
Deadpool and Pinkie were waiting outside, debating about a very good point, after attempting something, and ending up in despair about it.
"How are we meant to play Rock Paper Scissors with hooves!?" Deadpool confusedly asked.
"I... I don't know!" Pinkie said, nearly at the verge of tears because of this stunning realization.
"Don't cry, Pinkie!" Deadpool assuredly unreassuringly unreassuringly assuringly. There. Triple assurance.
"Okay!" Pinkie said, immediately happy with the triple assurance, no doubt.
The wind starting blowing a bit faster. Deadpool looked around, and saw a chariot, pulled by two large pegasi, without actual passengers. One, who's name was Raindrop, looked naturally muscle-y, the other, who's name was Snowflake, looked as if he was taking steroids. In truth, this was a part time job he agreed to just so he could get more steroids. He has a stallion who is now a hermit to blame.
As the chariot landed, Deadpool looked at it for a moment. Then burst into hysterical laughter. Pinkie looked at him.
"What's so funny?"
"Th-they still n-need horses to c-carry the chariots h-here," Deadpool replied in between laughs, "E-even though th-the p-passengers, be-being horses, could p-pull it th-themselves!" He kept laughing about it. Pinkie, now understanding the hilarity, joined in the madness with him, both of them laughing at something that terrestrials to Equestria would find somewhat normal, albeit flawed. {You're so mature.}
Raindrop looked to Snowflake, and said, "These are two weird ponies, hm?"
"YYYEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHH!"
"You can say that again." Raindrop said to himself.
Eventually, after Deadpool and Pinkie recovered from laughter, they both went in the passengers seat.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
To be continued in the next issue.
{Hey, Author, why'd you include Snowflake?}
I thought it'd be funny. Now go away.
Issue #4: Royal Canterlot Business: Part 1
Deadpool and Pinkie got off the chariot. Before them stood Canterlot Castle, looking all royal and imposing. Castles were never a problem with Wade. Once, in his 2008 comic series, he was in a castle filled with mildly hot plastic surgery zombies... and got everybody killed by switching the narrative to hours later, wiring the castle with what probably used to be his exploding chair, blowing it up, and kicking a zombie head so far it was GOOD.
But the privilleges of fingers were gone. No longer could he feel a trigger finger itch, or try to do a thumbs-up with his foot's big toe. He's now a horse. A FRICKLEMOOKING HORSE. ... Fricklemook? Really? ...Okay.
He's not here to make war anyway. Just to have a chat. Yes. That was it. He then realized something.
"Err, Pinkie, not that you're terrible company but... why are you here with me?" Deadpool asked the pink pony that was the stuff of extensive drug-use.
[Or Pool-O-Vision.]
{We've never had a moment like that in a long time, have we?}
[Nope.]
{We need a moment like that. Anyway, what's she sayin'?}
"Because I still have to be your guide, remember? And plus, if you turn out to be dangerous, you need insurance." Pinkie nodded.
"I feel better already!" The two entered the castle. That silly, silly castle.
{What are you doing?}
I'm trying to make this chapter longer by adding more words in.
[Even pointless words?]
Yes, even pointless words.
{You've gone too far.}
I know... sadface. But anyway. As Deadpool and Pinkie entered the throne room, Deadpool was relieved by a comforting sight. Who else would be the princess of the sun in this evil- well, not evil, but unfamiliar place?
"BEA ARTHUR! YOU CAME FOR ME!" Deadpool said happily, as he ran up to the awaiting idol of his bucked up brain. Only for dreams to be shattered mid-run. The shape dissolved into a pony with both a head spike and wings.
"WHOA, OVERKILL HORSEY-TIME AAAGGHHHHHH!" Deadpool screamed, as he was levitated backwards.
{That's right. Pool-o-vision is back, and it's trollin'.}
"Greetings, traveller." The weird thing that was obviously Princess Celestia spoke. "What is your name?"
"Wade Wilson. But you can call me Deadpool, the Merc with a Mouth. And you're Princess Trolle-I mean... Celestia?"
"Yes. I assume Pinkie Pie told you about that."
"Indubitably." Deadpool said, putting on a gentlemanly voice.
"Very well. You know why you have been called here, yes?"
"It's not for a hero's welcome, is it? This happens to everybody."
"...I'll note your strange sense of humour. But no, you're here because we need to deduce whether or not you will be a threat to my subjects, and by extension, Equestria."
"You have a mutant creature army? Because when you say 'Subjects,' that's what I think of."
"Actually, Wade, she means me and my five friends!" Pinkie said.
"You're MUTANTS!?" Deadpool exclaimed.
"We're MUTANTS!?" Pinkie exclaimed.
"You're not mutants, Pinkie. This strange pony merely has a different understanding, surely."
"I'm human, actually. I want my fingers and toes back. NOW!" Deadpool practically yelled.
{No.}
"You may leave as soon as we find you a way to get home." Celestia said. "Until then, you may wait until we're ready to test your friendliness."
"What if I don't wish to wait?" Deadpool asked.
"Too bad."
{Troll.}
"Okay. Fine. Bye." Deadpool said, and he and Pinkie walked out the door to go wait.
[Err, Wade.]
"I know, I know," Deadpool said behind the door. They walked back in.
"Errr.... where do we wait? Deadpool asked.
"The waiting room is that way." Celestia motioned from the door's direction, to the path that goes right.
"Got it." Deadpool said, as they both walked out the door again, and headed right.
-----
Deadpool and Pinkie sat on the chairs. Deadpool was trying to sit in a more human way of sitting, while Pinkie sat on the chair as if it was the ground, as usual.
"You know, you look a bit like Lyra when you sit like that." Pinkie commented.
"Is she another pony-turned human?"
"No. I hear she believes in them."
"Ah. Cool."
...
...
[Ask her out.]
{Shut up.}
[And sleep with me, come on why don't you sleep with me, shut up, and-]
{NO! I don't want any musical numbers in this story!}
"Hey." Pinkie said. "What'cha thinkin'?"
"Sebastian?" Deadpool replied.
"Who's Sebastian?"
"To be honest... I don't know... and is Sebastian even a name here?"
"Not really."
"How'd you know it was a 'who' then?"
"It didn't sound like a 'what' word!"
"...True."
....
...
...
...
...
[Now will you ask her out?]
{You do realize that you were hitting on him in the first issue?}
[So?]
{... ... ...Uh. Well. Seems weird.}
[When are we never weird?]
"Hey, look, a unicorn!" Pinkie said, pointing her hoof upwards on a walkway, where there was indeed, a silhouette of a unicorn waiting.
"My common sense is tingling..." Deadpool said.
{Geez. You haven't made that joke in a looooooooooooong time. It's been so long that usually, people only find it on Youtube tributes to you, or Google Images.}
The unicorn ran elsewhere, disappearing from sight.
"So, Pinkie. Wanna get off these waiting chairs to avoid probable death?"
"Hmm... okay!" Pinkie said. They both jumped off, and behind them, the chairs broke apart, as a sort of blade fell down from the sky and sliced them. Deadpool and Pinkie looked back to their attacker, It was indeed a unicorn. This unicorn had the build of a convincing supermodel, a noir coat, a grey mane, and the blade in question was a switchblade being levitated via magic.
"Oh, of course, there are weapons. Nice. Hi, Psycho-lady."
"Hello. Nice to meet you." She replied, in a tone of 'Hi, nice to meet you, now die.'
"I do ever so wonder what in hell's name you're doing with that deadly object. And what's your name?"
"Not very gentlemanly for a guy to get a girl's name first."
"I ain't a gentleman."
"Heh... good. We're on the same page."
"Literally." Deadpool and Pinkie said.
"I noticed." The unicorn said.
"No you didn't." Deadpool said. "Again. Name?"
"Call me Mise Lock."
"No."
"...Wha?"
"I'm going to call you... Tootsie."
"And what's your name supposed to be?"
"Wade Wilson. But you can call me Deadpool. That is... if ya want." Deadpool replied, raising his eyebrows twice under his mask.
"Aw. Charming." Tootsie said, noticing the eyebrows. "Now, please stand aside."
"Why?" Deadpool inquired.
"Because I have a score to settle with Pinkie Pie there." She pointed a hoof at Pinkie, who looked confused.
"Why?" Deadpool asked.
"Because she"
{I'm bored already. Oh, viewers, this is what's going through Wade's head right now. Enjoy.}
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7VsuGMELajk
"And there is your reason why I'm after Pinkie."
[You shoulda listened. Think of something smart to say.]
"Why?" Deadpool asked.
{Idiot.}
Mise Lock sighed frustratedly, and took a stab at Pinkie from where she was standing, by magically levitating the knife towards her at high speeds. Deadpool jumped into the path, and was stabbed in the gut. Pinkie cupped her mouth with her hooves. But both Mise Lock and Pinkie were surprised to see him look around awkwardly.
"Uh... guys? What's wrong?" He looked at the switch blade. "Oh, that little thing?" Deadpool tried concentrating, and managed to use his hoof to take hold of it, and get it out of him. He then put it in one of his empty knife sheathes, as he was losing grip. He grinned maliciously at Mise Lock.
"Finders keepers."
Since his belt was still operational, he teleported in front of Mise Lock, and punched her in the face.
"No attacking friends of mine without any given reason." He said sinisterly.
Mise Lock growled, and tried to use her horn as a spike... which it is, technically, and stab at Deadpool again. He did get stabbed, but this just made him angrier, and he pushed her down, then crouched down to choke her with one hoof. He picked up a knife from his sheathe, and quickly dismembered half of the horn, causing Mise Lock to scream in agony.
"I'm the only psycho around here, ya little ssssslllll..." Deadpool tried to say.
{You can't human swear remember.}
"...Frekker."
[Is that even profane?]
"I don't know..."
He stood up, and stopped choking Mise Lock, feeling her broken horn is punishment enough.
"So, Pinkie... think I did g-"
Canterlot Guards burst the door open.
"Oh."
And he was dragged back to Celestia's throne room before he could even turn around to see Pinkie's reaction.
{Okay, now Pinkie probably hates you.}
[How do you know?]
{I'm willing to bet my Rarity doll for it.}
You hate Rarity.
{That's why I'm betting it.}
_________________________________________________________________
To be continued in the next issue!
{Err... why'd you include a zombie's OC?}
I don't know, he wanted it. And he's not quite a zombie, he just survived in untold circumstances.
{What untold circumstances?}
I dunno. That's why they're untold.
{I'll tell them if you give me a Fluttershy doll.}
...No.
Issue #5: Royal Canterlot Business: Part 2
Deadpool looked around as he was carried back to the throne room. He then had a look at the guards who were dragging him... they looked like Barney the Dinosaur and his 42-times removed cousin, Arbyen, who was coloured pink and barfed rainbows.
[Definitely Pool-O-Vision.]
{Are you sure? I can see this happening to us...}
Deadpool was dragged to the center of the throne room, and was now sitting. He shuffled 180 degrees to see Princess Celestia behind him, glaring daggers.
"Oh, hai." Deadpool said.
"What exactly was going on through your mind when you brutalised that unicorn?" Celestia demanded.
"About four things... Firstly, Oh, wow, I'm attacking an apparent criminal. Secondly, I seem to be protecting Pinkie Pie, despite only knowing her for about an hour. Thirdly, TASTE THE RAINBOW... despite me not having a rainbow cannon. Four, Nein, nein, nein, nein, nein. Finally, I'm hungry, I need to eat something."
"Hospitalizing a criminal does not make it right. And that was five things, not four."
"Firstly, yes it does, we heroes and vigilantes and anti-heroes and mercenaries, of which I am the latter two, do it all the time. It's literally the only effective way to do it. Except... the heroes just do the punchy-punch-punch, the other people thrust into the main character role do the punchy-slash-shoot-stab-maim-violate-badass-matrix-I'mcomingElizabeth-Ohlookaturtle-ARGH-punch-punch... So... Fun!"
"How is it in any way fun for them?" Celestia asked.
"Why would punishment be fun for them? They're breaking the law, aren't they?"
"I recall you saying you were a mercenary-"
"AM a mercenary." Deadpool insisted.
"Well, that just makes it worse. If you're a mercenary, does that mean one could hire you as their own soldier?"
"Not only that. I do assassinations."
"Which we do not tolerate, due to the unnecessary violence."
"Ya can't spell assassin without sin. And twice the ass."
{Wow. Where have we heard THAT one before?}
[Hey, wait a minute, isn't ass a profanity? Deadpool got away with swearing!]
{He didn't actually.}
[Er. Yes. He did.]
"You use donkeys in assassinations where you come from?" Celestia confusedly asked.
{Lulz.}
That's my line.
[Continue the story. Now.]
Gonnae no dae that.
{How?}
Just... gonnae no. Anyway.
"...Err... ... ...what do you call a behind in here?" Deadpool asked.
"..."
"...Forget it. It probably doesn't use the letters required anyway."
"...The point is..." Celestia began, "We're deeming you too dangerous to stay outside of confinement."
"No you're not." Deadpool weirdly said back.
"We are, actually."
"No you're not."
"What makes you think that?"
"The Author can just make this all go away."
No, Deadpool. I can't.
"Why not?"
Because if I do that, we stray too far from the story.
"But you're making it up on the spot!"
I am. But if I made them willingly let you go, then people will get confused.
"Are you just making this conversation go on longer than you have to just so you can use more words than you equillibrally need to, despite the fact that it may cause people to randomly go out of character and most definitely say things that are so complicated they wouldn't willingly do that in such an ecumenical matter that they would be forced to keep saying stuff help me I can't breathe..."
{Dude. Shut up. I know your 22nd chapter of your other story is still an average one, despite the amount of thinking you're doing, but this is going on long enough.}
FINE.
*Knock* *Knock*
"We're in the middle of an important meeting, come back later." Celestia said.
"I can't come back later." Came Pinkie Pie's voice. "Me and Fluttershy have a proposition!"
[Did you say that just so you could make Flutters importa-]
Stop talking to me. Anyway, Celestia's eyes dimmed as she gave in.
"Come in." She reluctantly said.
Deadpool shuffled 180 degr-
[Everyday he's shuffling?]
Shush. He turned around 180 degrees while sitting down, to put it in a non-exploitable sense, as the doors opened. Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy walked in. Deadpool narrowed one eye as he examined the situation.
"U-um... hello, Princess Celestia..." Fluttershy began. "I um... thought of an idea... to... well... make our guest less dangerous..."
"Before I hear this, I would like to ask, Fluttershy... how did you get here so fast?" Celestia asked.
"I ran and brought her over here as soon as you dragged Wade rather roughly!" Pinkie intervened.
"That was a few minutes ago, Pinkie. How did you accomplish this under a small amount of time?" Celestia inquired with a raised eyebrow.
"I have an emergency method of getting places fast. Never doubt the party pony."
{Makes sense in a way.}
[No it doesn't.]
"...Very well..." Celestia said. "What is your proposition, Fluttershy?"
"Um... well, we could always... allow him to stay in Ponyville... and... see if he can learn from us and... be a bit kinder?"
{Are you serious? Is she serious?}
Yes.
"I'd refuse if I could." Deadpool said.
[Why can't you refuse?]
"The cuteness." He muttered.
"I'm not sure about this decision, my little ponies." Celestia said.
{HAH! SHE SAID IT!}
Shush you.
"Don't you worry, Princess!" Pinkie said. "We're be able to take care of ourselves if he gives us any trouble!"
Celestia furrowed her brow. "Very well. Be careful around him, please."
"We will!" Pinkie said, appearing next to Deadpool, and dragging him away from the castle, with Fluttershy following.
-----
When the three got outside, Pinkie yelled, "TAXI!"
A chariot coloured yellow, with black and a white checker tiling on it appeared, being pulled by two healthy looking stallions. The three entered the chariot, and the chariot began the course to Ponyville.
*5 minutes later*
Deadpool looked around. He was sitting between Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy.
[Always surrounded by the ladies, apparently.]
Hey, shut up.
{Who the hell are you?}
I'm Deadpool. Well, his thought box anyway. I need a way to talk to you idiots without getting the attention of the girls.
{Very well.}
[Ask her out.]
Which one?
[Who do ya THINK!?]
{Could be anyone.}
[...True.]
No. Absolutely not. You are not going to do this to Fluttershy.
{Why not?}
She's sensitive.
[Anything else?]
She's technically taken. By my OC in my other story.
{...Is this your other story?}
...Well, no... but if I make Deadpool and Fluttershy a couple when I already have Live Light and Fluttershy as a couple, I'll probably keep doing it and end up obsessed.
{You kind of already are... you're overprotective on Fluttershy on other fics. We've seen your comments.}
I... shutup.
"No." Deadpool said out loud.
"Huh?" Pinkie said.
"I'm saying what I'm thinking, that's all one can do, I guess. So... what will we do when I get back?"
"U-um... well... first..." Fluttershy began, "I thought you could live with Pinkie for... maybe a few days... then with our other friends... except for Rainbow Dash... she lives in the clouds..."
"Why?" Deadpool asked.
"Well... she's a pegasus..."
"So are you. So why aren-"
SSSSHHHHHHHHHH!
"...I forget. Anywa- I just realized..."
"What?" Pinkie asked.
"Didn't you say you had an emergency escape-route-thingy?"
"Yep!"
"So... why aren't we using it?"
"It's broken!"
"...Oh. Since when?"
"Yesterday."
"...Wait... then... how did Fluttershy get here so fast?"
"Well, remember when I left you for a few seconds while we waited for the chariot that would take us to Canterlot to arrive?"
"No?"
"That's because the Author skipped 5 minutes ahead."
"Author?" Fluttershy asked.
"Ooohhhh, right." Deadpool said, the two possibly insane characters avoiding Fluttershy's query for the sake of her sanity.
"Well, I asked Fluttershy to help should things go a bit south, and Twilight agreed to teleport Fluttershy there! So, if anypony was asking, she would say she was here to go to a flower shop!"
"Um... You know I don't like crowds... I could have just said I was there to pick you up... Which I did..." Fluttershy said.
"Okie-dokey-lokie! So, anyway, yeah. Here we are, in a chariot!"
"...Yeah." Deadpool said. "Fun."
"Yep!" Pinkie said.
[Ask her-]
{If she's mad at you for being a murderous, raving lunatic.}
You had that coming, Yellow Box.
"Hey, Pinkie." Deadpool began. "You're not mad at my attempt to defend you... are ya?"
"Nope! Sometimes it takes a psycho to beat a psycho!" Pinkie happily said.
"Oh. Cool. Well, I feel much better now."
"Cool! So anyway, yeah. Here we are, in a chariot!"
De ja vu, much?
[Just go with it.]
"...Yeah." Deadpool said. "Fun."
______________________________________________________________________________
To be continued in the next Issue!
{So then, Author, how is your chapter word length going?}
That would be an ecumenical matter to be discussing, Father.
{I'm not your father.}
That would be an ecumenical matter to discuss in detail. Suffice to un-ecumenically say, Father, I am ecumenically pretending you are ecumenically an ecumenical priest of ecumenical proportions.
{You've been watching too much Father Ted.}
Yes.
Issue #5.5: Where To Live
Deadpool Vs. Equestria
Issue #5.5
Where To Live
Deadpool after falling through Weasel's portal to Equestria, came to Ponyville, and after a bunch of explaining his reasons for existance, Pinkie Pie decides to accompany Deadpool as he ate at Sugarcube Corner. However, he was taken to Canterlot Castle to be assessed on his danger-level, and after apprehending a psycho, is labeled dangerous. But now, Pinkie and Fluttershy have decided to figure out where to put him in Equestria, so he can lose dangerousness.
__________________________________________________________________________
After the chariot dropped Deadpool, Pinkie and Fluttershy off at Ponyville, the dreaded White Box noticed something.
{Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy have the very same voice actors.}
No manure, Sherlock.
[Oooh. Getting local, are ya, Author?]
So are you.
"So... where should I live?" Deadpool asked.
"Well," Pinkie began, "Either we can place you with Lyra, during which she'll most likely go crazy over you 'cause you used to be a human, or, we can place you with Rarity where you can be near royalty, and have your awesome costume probably get criticized because Rarity might not approve, or, we can place you with Applejack where you can basically be with somepony who reminds you of that cowgirl from your universe who speaks the same accent, while probably doing work that has to do with kicking trees, or, we can place you with Rainbow Dash, in which you'll never be able to keep your footing because only pegasi can walk on clouds, or, you can stay with Twilight, and occasionally have to speak to a dragon the author hasn't gotten around to portraying yet, while also probably being asked a lot of questions by Twilight about what life on Earth is, and then proceed to be bombarded with knowledge, or, you can stay with Fluttershy, where you'll be treated very nicely by Fluttershy, but maybe not by the animals, or, you can live with me, and live with somepony who likes to PARTY! and bake etc etc, or, you can live with Snowflake, who always welcomes visitors, and steroids, or, finally, you can live with Mister Not-Appearing-In-This-Fanfiction!"
{Walls of text. Really.}
[Okay, we should probably go over what was offered so far.]
{Soooo... we can live with a pony probably obsessed with humans, or an annoying snob obsessed with fashion who hardly does generous things despite being the element of that, according to the author...}
[We can live with Outlaw-much(?) Earth-ponies, and have possible slave-labour, or we can live with ponies with obvious names, while falling down clouds and making jokes about double-rainbow-all-the-way, across the sky...]
{We can be bombarded with pointless knowledge, and have to deal with a dragon that the author has no clue how to write, or be surrounded by cuteness by living with Fluttershy...}
[Or we can live with Pinkie Pie, who's made Wade a target for comparisons in fan work such as drawings, occasional cross-overs and fan-fics, and an ideal friend, or, we can hang out with a weird guy who could be Arnold Schwarzenegger in disguise, but got his muscles illegitimately, who we, for some reason, already saw in Issue 3, or, we could live with... a reference that may or may not actually be a killer rabbit...]
{I'd go with the reference.}
Idiots.
{Alright, fine. Pinkie.}
[Pinkie.]
"Well... I might live with you, Pinkie. There's something about steroids and Monty Python references that scare me. And you're still my favourite so far." Deadpool said.
"Okay! Let's go and announce this to the Cakes!" Pinkie replied, dragging Deadpool with her, while bouncing, causing Deadpool to collide with the ground repeatedly. He was used to this, though.
Fluttershy watched as they bounced away, their voices becoming more distant.
"So, wait, you talk to comfort food?"
"No, their surname is Cake!"
"Oh."
Fluttershy only had one thought on the matter.
"...What's Monty Python?" She asked herself, before looking around, then walking home to her cottage.
-----
The insane-in-the-membrane pair were once again in Sugarcube Corner. They stopped bouncing when they reached the counter. At that point, Deadpool had to stand up with motivation from his head voices.
{Chimichangas, chimichangas, chimichangas, chimichangas}
[Bea Arthur, Bea Arthur, Bea Arthur, Bea Arthur.]
{Shush, Yellow Box, this is my job.}
[My one was funnier than yours.]
"I'm back, Mrs. Cake!" Pinkie announced.
A blue earth pony, who looked like the stereotypical caring aunt, in horse form, came through.
"Oh, hello, Pinki-" She said, before looking at Deadpool.
"Oh, um... hello. Are you a friend of Pinkie's?"
"Yes! And I am an acquaintance to people I've met, and a nuisance to people I haven't met!" Deadpool he replied. "Is that you, Aunt May?"
"That's Mrs. Cake, silly!" Pinkie said. "I'll introduce you to Spider-Colt later."
"Ah, okay." Deadpool nodded.
[EEEEK!]
What? Meeting Spider-Man in horse form can't be so bad!
[No, the WORST thing has happened...]
{What happened?}
[We have 3 dislikes! It is THE. WORST. POSSIBLE. THING!]
We noticed that at the beginning. People have opinions. If you notice, we have 10 times the amount of likes than dislikes.
{...That's boring. You're boring. Quit boring everyone!}
"So... would your friend like something to eat?" Mrs. Cake asked.
"Nope!" Pinkie replied.
"Yes." Deadpool said.
"Yep!" Pinkie alternated. "But he'd like something else, before he eats, is what I meant!"
"And what is that?" Mrs. Cake asked... apprehensively.
"The Guest Room!" Pinkie announced. Which got a gasp from Mrs. Cake and all the ponies eating there. Deadpool and Pinkie looked around at the silence that ensued.
"Uh... was it something I said?" Pinkie said, shrugging.
The ponies blinked, and resumed chatter and eating, albeit in a worried fashion.
"So... can I stay in the Guest Room then?" Deadpool asked.
"Well, err... it's next to our children's room..."
"Ah. So am I too loud to be next to a room for babies?"
"You mean foals." Pinkie intervened.
"...Foals, then."
"How did you know they were that young?" Mrs. Cake asked.
"I could tell there were babies of some sort here. Babies creep me out, therefore, foals creep me out." Deadpool said, in a serious tone.
"So... you won't... err... trouble them? They're asleep right now." Mrs. Cake asked, wondering as to the extension of Wade's sanity.
"No. I veer away from what creeps me out. And they do not mean a threat to me here, which means I will not threaten them. But regardless, they creep me out."
"Well... okay. You can have the guest room." Cake gives in.
"Alrighty. Thank you. You will not regret this. Etcetera, etcetera."
"This way!" Pinkie said, bouncing up the stairs. Deadpool followed, all the way up to his new room.
______________________________________________________
To be continued in the next issue!
{Author, I have a complaint.}
Yes?
{What the hell did you do at the end of Chapter 22?}
Isn't it obvious?
{He's dying, and he's lonely now! WHAT UP WITH THAT!?}
I needed conflict. Plus, this is an entirely different story. Leave me alone.
{Okaybye}
Issue #6: The Guest Room
Deadpool Vs. Equestria
Issue #6
The Guest Room
Deadpool, after falling through Weasel's portal to Equestria, came to Ponyville, and after a bunch of explaining his reasons for existance, Pinkie Pie decides to accompany Deadpool as he ate at Sugarcube Corner. However, he was taken to Canterlot Castle to be assessed on his danger-level, and after apprehending a psycho, is labeled dangerous. He's been moved to Sugarcube Corner, and is now about to check out his room.
___________________________________________________________________
Pinkie bounced over to a plain wooden door, which was next to a door that was decorated in a way that reminded him of nurseries. So! There IS a room with babies. Damnit. I'm gonna have nightmares.
"Here we are!" Pinkie said, opening the plain door. Deadpool took a look inside the room. Two of the walls were pink, and the other two were a light blue. There were some plain-looking chairs, a sort of office table, a couch, and a bed for one.
"Hm. Got pretty much all the things I need. Awesome." Deadpool said, satisfied.
"Super-duper! By the way, you good at baking?" Pinkie asked.
"Nope."
"Well, we can fix that!" Pinkie said.
"Nope, we can't."
"Why not?"
"The only use for a knife I need is either stabbing, slicing, torturing, teasing, or self-defence. The latter of which never really happens."
{He's right, you know.}
"At least wait 'till you're up to it then?" Pinkie said, giving him the puppy dog eyes.
"No."
Pinkie, still giving him the puppy dog eyes, pulled a picture out of her hair, a picture of a little kitten in a wrestling costume, giving the cute cat eyes to the camera.
"No... Wrestler Cats... my one true weakness!"
{I thought logic was your weakness.}
Shaddap.
"I... give... in!" Deadpool gave in.
"Okay! I'll wait no less than a year!"
"A year? Oh, cool."
[Don't bother trying to get away with it, she's just going to ask you until you give in to her request, far out.]
{Did you just hide the words 'Ask Her Out' in that sentence intentionally? Because the 'Far Out' kinda gave it away. Still, you raise a valid point. The hyper-active ones usually don't forget things they want.}
Oh. Okay.
"Anyway! I think I'll settle in!" Deadpool walked over to a couch, and sat on it, Lyra-style. "This hurts my back so much, I don't know why."
"Hm, maybe you should sit how we non-humans do!" Pinkie suggested.
"And when I get home-"
"If you get home." Pinkie said.
"Thanks for the vote of confidence."
"You're welcome!"
"IF... I get home, I'll have gotten used to sitting like the horses in here do, that people will think I think I'm a dog. Because usually, only dogs sit on the ground, or occasionally couches, like this."
"You should meet the Diamond Dogs."
"No, I shouldn't, they sound like crystalline dogs who will shatter if I shoot them."
"Nope! They're dogs who're obsessed with getting diamonds, and once even kidnapped Rarity because she could find diamonds with her horn!"
{HAH! She got what was coming to her!}
[She hasn't done anything to us.]
She's annoying.
[Is she annoying in your fics?]
I try to portray them as they are in the show, so I don't make Rarity float about and say, 'HEY LISTEN!'
[Yet you haven't ever written any moments for Spike... not here, or in The Recluse... why?]
"Ah, I see." Deadpool said, breaking the argument between us. "...Are they violent?"
"Sometimes. Rarity was lucky she was such a good whiner." Pinkie replied.
{Ergh.}
"And I take it the dogs weren't lucky, then?"
"Indeed they weren't!"
"Ah huh."
...
...
...
...
...
(Ask her out.)
{WHO THE HELL ARE YOU!?}
[Oh, hai, Red Box. Everyone, meet my brother. Red Box, White Box. White Box, Red Box. Red Box, Author. Author, Red Box. White Box, Author, Auth-]
{I KNOW WHO THE DAMN AUTHOR IS. What's confusing is... how come I'm your brother, but I've not heard of that brother?}
[Oh, he's a Carnival Reject.]
{Does that tell me anything about his reason for existance?}
[We-]
{Is it me, or has he gotten quiet?}
I got rid of him. We can only have 3 voices at a time.
[BRO!]
{Author, are these sequences more excuses for word-wasting?}
Um... anyway.
Awkward silence in the room. And Pinkie's still in.
"So..." Deadpool began.
"By the way, I've been meaning to ask you something." Pinkie said.
"What is it?"
"Anyone at home you miss? Friends, family, acquaintances?"
Deadpool sat and thought about it.
"Weeeelllll, there's Weasel. He's not a weasel, that's his nickname. He made the portal that got me here. See, you know how there's a show based on this place?"
"Yup!"
"Weeelll... he's a fan. And he was making that for me, probably. As further punishment.
{Oh, sure. Because Weasel's that evil.}
"Shut up, White Box." Deadpool and Pinkie said in unison. Deadpool blinked. "Err... did you just address the White Box to shut up?"
"Yup!"
"...Does that mean... you heard..."
"I only heard him say that sentence. Because, the Author decided it was funny."
"Ah. Right."
[I'm safe!]
"Safe from what?" Pinkie asked.
[AAAIIIIEEE!]
"He's cranky today." Deadpool 'explained.'
"Ah, right."
"So... yeah," Deadpool continued, "Anyway, there's Blind Al. Bit like a mother to me."
"Was she blind?"
"Yeah."
"You play some pranks on her?"
Deadpool wasn't comfortable talking about pranking with Blind Al. His idea of pranks at the time was rather... different, compared to Pinkie's.
STOP MAKING ME FEEL GUILTY, AUTHOR.
"From time to time. Anyway. There was also Outlaw. She was born in Texas, named Inez Temple. Like me, she was a mercenary, and she always spoke with that awesome accent. She had a nickname she hated, as well. Crazy Inez."
{I can just imagine her getting really mad, having one of those cartoon feelings that someone just called her that name.}
"And a whole bunch of other people. Although, there is one guy that I'd feel indifferent to."
"Who's that?"
"They call him... Wolverine."
"Ooh, is he the one from that Wolverine - The Equestrian Myth fanfic?"
"...DAMNIT, WHY."
"I guess someone's a fan. Don't worry, it's a new one. Kinda doing better than this, though."
"FFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-"
"Sssshhhh." Pinkie said, putting a hoof over his mouth. "There are babies sleeping, y'know."
"Urrkaye." Deadpool said, his mouth blocked by a digit-less limb.
Pinkie let go of his mouth.
"So, yeah. That is my life, pretty much. Know anything about being away from home."
Pinkie nodded. "Yeah."
"Well, I shared my story, what's yours?"
Pinkie was silent for a moment, as if she was thinking about something.
"Well... I'd have an easier time telling it if it was about how I got my Cutie-Mark."
"Your what?"
"You know, the mark that you have on your flank!"
[She means the speech bubble you have on your flank, that we can see on the costume, disturbingly.]
"Oh, that thing? Huh. Can I see yours then?"
{Wow, you just raised the awkwardness level real high.}
"And how did I do that?"
{Ya do remember that a pony's flank is equivalent to a human's ass, basically?}
"Oh, I see how that can get awkward."
...
...
...
...
"Oooooohhhhh, right. ...Uh. Sorry."
Pinkie giggled. "It's okay!" She turned around a bit so he could see what was practically a natural tattoo on Pinkie's flank. Looked like two blue balloons and one yellow one.
"Ah. Well... how'd you get that then?"
Pinkie turned around to face him, and told her story. Basically, this.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hMlclV0Tmkc
"And that's how Equestria was made!" Pinkie Pie finished.
"Wha- huh?" Deadpool was confused. What story was this again?
{We heard that. In the video. Already.}
"Anyway..." Deadpool continued, "When did you leave your parents home?"
[And how do they use the rocks they made at the farm? What's more... how do you grow them!?]
Go to the corner, Yellow Box.
"Well..." Pinkie said, sounding kind of uncertain, "I left when I was 17! I was thinking of moving to Canterlot, but then I thought about it, and it's kinda big for a 17 year old to live in, so I moved to Ponyville! And Mr. and Mrs. Cake were kind enough to let me live there, and even bake there!"
"Hm. Your life certainly sounds a lot better than mine." Deadpool said.
"I wouldn't say that, then you'll get jealous!"
"...Ah huh. Anyway. Was there any moment when you were in Ponyville where you got really, really, really mad?"
"Well, there was that one time there was a book that got into Twilight's library, it was by an author who's anonymous, and that book wa-"
{EXPLETIVE DELETED}
[Er. What?]
{We said in The Recluse we wouldn't reference that fic again.}
[Why?]
{The Author's biggest fan decrees it.}
[But it makes for a good comedic thingy- wait, what was it?]
"Sorry, what was that?"
"I said the book was called Fluttershy's Dark Sky."
AGH! THAT'S EVEN WORSE!
{It is?}
Trust me... you don't wanna read it... I abandoned it soon after they mentioned what they do to statues...
{Now I'm curious...}
Goddamnit.
"And how does that cause problems for you?"
"Oh, just that it made all of Ponyville look like madponies... messed up story, really."
"Ah huh..." Deadpool yawned. "I'm... shleepy."
"Okay! I understand! Tiring day, awkward method for the Author to get back to his other fic!"
What
"Pretty much... well, see ya Pinkie."
"See ya!" Pinkie said, before departing via bouncing.
Deadpool looked around, and instantly fell asleep on the couch in a couch-potato pose.
______________________________________________________________________
To be continued in the next issue.
{There is nothing witty here.}
It floats?
{That movie was funnier than scary.}
I know you're awake.
{Damn.}
Issue #6.5: A Pointless Mini-Issue
Pinkie Pie was hopping around Ponyville, after visiting Ditzy about missing muffins, in which Pinkie baked some more for her, and was now on her way back to Sugarcube Corner. When she got inside, she heard some crashing sounds from upstairs.
"Hmmmmm...." She thought, going upstairs. She opened the door to the Guest Room, and saw that Deadpool was cutting his foreleg with his knife, apparently trying to paint the room with his blood.
"*GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASP* What's going on!?" Pinkie asked. Deadpool yelped in surprise and stabbed at the wall with his knife, ran to the couch, and jumped on it for a while, until he hit his head, and landing on the ceiling. He got up, and looked at Pinkie.
"What does it look like I'm doing?" He asked.
"Sending a message to demons so they can come collect souls! By painting the wall with your blood in the shape of a THING! What is that thing!?"
"Blood-splotch?"
"EUGH, WHY WOULD YOU PAINT A BLOOD-SPLOTCH WITH YOUR BLOOD!?" Pinkie said, cringing away from Deadpool.
"Because... it's a splotch... and I made it with blood?"
"Why were you doing that in the first place?"
"I don't like the decor, I don't like Pink or Blue, but I need paint! Fortunately, I like the colour red, so I thought, by using blood, I can make red paint! Now... I need black paint... maybe I could dirty some of the blood and it'd be black, I should try that..."
"No, don't do that! I'll be right back!" Pinkie said, dashing out of the room. She came back with two buckets, one filled with red paint, the other with black paint.
"...You mean my self-harming was unnecessary!?" Deadpool said.
"Pretty much!"
"Ow... I wanna go for a walk now..." He asked.
"Okay! We can paint your room later!" She said, dropping the buckets to the floor, causing a slight spill on both of them, but nothing noticeable. They both walked out of the room, and then out of Sugarcube Corner.
"So, where d'you wanna go first?"
{Fluttershy's cottage.}
[Rarity's boutique.]
{Ew. No.}
[But she has Swag! SWAG!]
{You know what Swag really means?}
[Confidence and other drugs.]
{The meaning that should be adopted is Secretly We Are G-}
Shush, you, let Deadpool decide.
"Fluttershy's Boutique Point-Swag?" Deadpool asked, his brain confuzzled.
"You know, I think we'll just go to Applejack's," Pinkie suggested. "Come on, follow me!"
"Okay." Deadpool said shallowly.
-----
Deadpool and Pinkie bounced over to Sweet Apple Acres. They looked around, and saw Applejack bucking trees.
"Why is she attacking trees?" Deadpool asked. Those silly, silly, trees.
{Stop that.}
"She's getting apples from them! It's how their farm works!"
"Ah. Okay. Let's go interrupt her wo- I mean, chat with her."
Pinkie giggled. "Okay!"
The two walked over to Outla- Applejack-
[That joke has run its' course. Shut up.]
The two walked over to Applejack...
"Hi, Applejack!" Pinkie said, as Applejack bucked yet another tree. Applejack looked back at Pinkie.
"Howdy, Pinkie, and err... Day-edpool?"
"Yes. Don't say Dead as Deyed, though. Ded will do. Deadpool. If you have trouble considering your awesome accent, then call me Wade!"
"I ain't got no ack-sent."
"Akay."
"Hello, there." A voice came.
Deadpool and Pinkie looked to see a stallion, who had come out of nowhere, appear. He was a unicorn, with a bluey-slate grey coat, a mohawk mane that was white with blue stripes, a long tail with matching colours, and a white scarf.
"Hai dere." Deadpool and Pinkie said in unison.
"Err... who you talkin' to?" Applejack asked.
"My name is Wisefree, nice to meet you both." The unicorn said.
"Hi, Forever Alone." Deadpool said, commenting on how he was ignored.
"What'd ya call me!?" Applejack said aggressively to Deadpool.
"I was not talking to you, Applejack. I was talking to that guy there."
"What guy?"
"That guy." He said, pointing at Wisefree.
"...Ah don't see nothin'. You okay?"
"Confused. Yes. Okay, Maybe. Tolerant, No."
"Neither am I." Pinkie said, looking unimpressed. "Just, walk up to that guy standing there!" She said, pointing to where the pony's hooves were. She didn't like it when an innocent pony was ignored.
Applejack confusedly walked to where she pointed... and was practically standing IN Wisefree. Deadpool and Pinkie looked in horror.
"What?" Applejack asked.
"Oh, nothing." Deadpool said, instantly becoming calm. I've merely been hallucinating. As has Pinkie, apparently..."
"Yup!" Pinkie said.
"Oh, do not worry, your sanity is fine," Wisefree said. "In a way, I am here."
"OBJECTION!" Deadpool yelled, to which a confused Applejack looked his way with a raised eyebrow, then went back to apple-bucking while the two spoke to the weird Forever Alone-ian.
"To say that there really are objective values out there, that there is a moral reality to be corresponded with, seems as pointless as saying that Celestia is on our side. The two remarks are only stylistically different. Unless we have some idea how to test for this correspondence, or how to test for Divine approval, nothing has been gained by the insistence."
"What." Deadpool said.
"I'll explain my presence to you... eventually."
[Dude! You're leaving us at a cliffhanger!]
{And the Author made the zombie's OC... really... powerful or something...}
"Okaaaayyyy." Deadpool and Pinkie said.
"Consarn it!" Applejack yelled irritably. "Ah've had enough of this. Stop bein' weird, come back when ya have a reason t'come here!" She noticed her tone of voice and sighed. "Ah'm sorry... Ah just gotta get t'work right now. Ah'll see you two soon."
"Uh. 'Kay. Bye." Deadpool said, walking off.
"Bye!" Pinkie said, bouncing off.
___________________________________________________________
This has been a mini-sode.
{Why?}
I left writing The Recluse's 24th chapter too long, now this one has to be short.
{And you'll be explaining Wisefree in the next issue, right?}
In due time. Yes.
{Cool.}
And White Box.
{Yeah.}
He ain't a zombie.
{He should be. Zombies are cool.}
If he wants to be that way, okay.
To be continued in the next issue!
{Like dis i-}
Shut up, you already spoke.
Issue #7: A Social Visit
Deadpool Vs. Equestria
Issue #7
A Social Visit
Deadpool, after falling through Weasel's portal to Equestria, came to Ponyville, and after a bunch of explaining his reasons for existance, Pinkie Pie decides to accompany Deadpool as he ate at Sugarcube Corner. However, he was taken to Canterlot Castle to be assessed on his danger-level, and after apprehending a psycho, is labeled dangerous. He's been moved to Sugarcube Corner's Guest Room, and after a while, the two decided to pay a visit to Applejack. But they see some sort of ethereal ghostly being speak to them, and they'd like to get some answers.
___________________________________________________________________________________
Deadpool and Pinkie, away from Sweet Apple Acres, thought about what just happened.
"So err... we saw a ghost, apparently." Deadpool said.
"Yup!" Pinkie said.
"Do we have the Shining?"
"Do we?"
"I don't feel any different.
"Me neither!"
"And when's 'EVENTUALLY?' When is he gonna tell us what's going on? Arhglebargle!"
{Err... Wade, what in the hell was that?}
[Hey, anyone read 6 yet?]
Yeah, why?
[We're in it!]
I noticed. Good for you.
[I was totally smooched by Pi-]
{I totally want you to shut up. Different continuity.}
Stop referencing other fics... anyway.
"Hopefully he turns up, otherwise I'm gonna have to fire the author, and narrate the story myself!" Pinkie exclaimed.
Oh, hell to the no.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Cke28SmutY&feature=my_liked_videos&list=LLgxh6XH0hsu39lBUG2InAtQ
"Greetings, you two." As the spectral stallion appeared.
"Oh hai Wisefree." Deadpool said.
"Hi!"
"I never did get your names, did I... well, you know mine, what's yours?"
"Wade Wilson. The Merc With A Mouth. But... you can call me Deadpool."
"And I'm Pinkie Pie!"
"I see. Well, it is certainly nice to meet you both. I assume you're wondering what I'm doing here, being unperceived by others?" Wisefree asked.
"Should I get the popcorn?" Pinkie asked.
"Please do." Deadpool replied. Pinkie grinned, dashed somewhere, and re-appeared a split-second later with two boxes of popcorn. Deadpool smiled, and took his box.
"Begin your story, weird thing." Deadpool said.
"Firstly, I am not a 'thing.' I am, technically, a pony, like any other." He replied calmly.
"Why are you all... dead looking then?"
"Well, suffice to say, I've found myself trapped in a state of dimensional collapse. Now, I turn up in random dimensions similar to mine, albeit with many differences altogether. Why, if you searched hard enough, you'd find a version of me from this dimension here."
"So... what's your dimension like?" Pinkie asked.
"My dimension is relatively similar to this one, but half of the Elements of Harmony have found their Special Somepony. Twilight Sparkle is with Doctor Whooves, Rarity is with a not well known fashion designer, and Applejack ended up with me."
"...Oh. Cool." Deadpool said.
"How'd you get that dimension-messeruper thingy to happen to you?" Pinkie asked.
"Well, funny story, I'm a friend of that Doctor Whooves, and he'd gotten back from writing a letter to somepony, probably a pen pal, and said he needed help to explore an island on some planet. Suffice to say, accidents happened."
{And so Doctor Whooves is more unsafe than the New-Who Season 7's first half's finale.}
[WHY, AMY, WHY!?]
"Ah huh..." Deadpool said. "And... you went with him... despite the obvious risks you weren't ready for?"
"If you risk nothing, then you risk everything." He replied.
{Is it me, or is he just gonna go on about all his wisdom quotes?}
"Alrighty then... so... how come it's only me and Pinkie who can see you?" Deadpool asked.
"I can sense a few dimensional energies from you that are different from the others. You probably came from another dimension, or universe, and you are able to perceive me... although, that usually doesn't happen."
"Maybe it's our 4th-wall perceptiveness!" Pinkie suggested.
"Your... what?"
"Never mind, just think of it as..." Deadpool paused, for dramatic effect.
"We're both awesome." He finished.
"...Yes, quite. Anyway, I will let you explore the town," Wisefree said. "I came here very recently, so it is nice to see what this dimension holds. Next stop, Rarity's Boutique. Ciao." He departed with a smile and a nod, and turned around to walk away, disappearing after three steps.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ImzmjlvGnA
"...Hm." Deadpool simply said. He took a look his popcorn box, which was now empty. I don't remember eating anything. Eh. "Well, where else do we visit?" He asked.
"Twilight's Libr-" Pinkie began.
"No."
"Applejacks F-"
"Done that."
"Dashie's-"
"Not possible."
"Ra-"
"OH GOD NO."
"Fluttershy's cottage?"
"Nnnnnnn...mmmaybe."
{OF COURSE!}
[AAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!]
{...Dislike?}
[YES, DO YOU SEE WHAT'S WRONG!?]
No. Frankly, this joke is gonna be obsolete soon. Maybe some months will pass. It won't say 4 dislikes anymore, it'll be much higher.
[BUT IT CAAAAN'T!]
If it didn't, things would suck. I mean, The Recluse got a dislike first. And that's probably because I used a GeneralZoi image. Because I'm not a good drawer.
{We are not going to talk about this. Let's just continue.}
-----
Deadpool and Pinkie arrived at Fluttershy's cottage. Deadpool knocked on the door. There was an 'eep' from inside.
{D'AAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.}
The door eventually opened, and Fluttershy peered out of the door.
"H-hello?"
"Hi, is this the set where they're filming The Recluse: The Movie?" Deadpool asks.
Fluttershy takes this as a friendly greeting joke and smiles to Deadpool and Pinkie.
"Hi, Pinkie, and hello, Wade. U-um... do you need anything?"
"Nope, we're just getting Wadey here used to Ponyville, since he's gonna be staying here for a while!" Pinkie said.
"O-oh, okay. Well, um... come in." Fluttershy replied, opening the door.
-----
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yD_UdK3gDis
Deadpool was now sitting on a couch. He had a look at the interior of the house. It was definitely the place someone would be happy living in. The furniture was comfy, the decorations were astounding, and there were many animals, ensuring a lack of loneliness.
[Too happy.]
{So cute.}
Deadpool buries his face in his hooves in boredom. While it is a nice place, he has nothing to do but talk to the animals, as Pinkie and Fluttershy are both speaking to each other on one of the other couches., with their same-voice-actor-voices.
"I'm just gonna go take a walk, every... ... ...pony." {Going local. Lulz.} "Be back in a minute!" Deadpool said, waving to Pinkie and Fluttershy before walking out.
"Alright, Wadey! See ya soon!" Pinkie said.
"Bye, Wade." Fluttershy said.
Deadpool took a look around at nature. It was an okay sight. Okay, more than an okay sight. But it wasn't really in his list of interests, was it. Lots of birds, trees, bunnies, squirrels, bees, wild cats, turtles, foxes, flying fish, Blargasaurs,
{Stop hallucinating. Really. Stop.}
Deadpool walked in front of a bunny. He looked at it for a moment.
"Hai."
The bunny narrowed his eyes at him, eating a carrot.
{I'm guessing that's the leader rabbit. Probably Fluttershy's favourite.}
[Eugh. I bet he has a cutesy name, like Angel]
Actually... yes, that's his name.
[Oh. Okay.]
Suddenly, he heard an electric, crackly sound behind him. He looked behind him, and looked at a portal open. His face suddenly twisted into an intense face of wonder and excitement and other things... and... it was really disturbing for me and the voices, since we're the only ones who can see his face.
{WHOA, WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT EXPRESSION MAN!?}
"I've seen this thing too many times! It's boring! I still have to look amazed for the audience though!" He said, his expression getting more demonic.
{Stop it, your face is starting to hurt yourself and us!}
"You're right, ow, ow, ow." He said, rubbing his face. When he was finished rubbing his face, he looked in front of him, and the opening portal was replaced by an average stallion wearing glasses, with a short, brown mane and tail, and wearing a grey jacket. The stallion stared at Deadpool in horror, and Deadpool stared at the stallion in horror.
{Begin call-back to the first comic series we had to ourselves, to do with Tolliver's Will, where WE didn't exist!}
"DEADPOOL!?"
Deadpool blinked for a moment before he realized who the guy was.
"Weasel, did you bring any cheesy puffs?"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ta50WnE3Csw
__________________________________________________________________
To be continued in the next issue!
{Boy. That escalated quickly.}
I'll accept that judgement if you can find a picture to detail that.
{OH, SHUT UP, SERIOUSLY, WHY DID YOU BRING WEASEL INTO TH-}
{You... damnit.}
Issue #8: Reunion
Deadpool Vs. Equestria
Issue #8
Reunion
Previously on Deadpool Vs. Equestria...
WEASEL!?
And so continues the story.
____________________________________________________________________________
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6CCAt3XQLuw
"...So... Weasel... you followed me here. Took you long enough." Deadpool said.
"You're the one who used up the first cell, Wade. I had to buy another one in order to get back." His friend/acquaintance replied.
"That Portal runs on tech-cell thingies?"
"Well yeah, it needs a power source!"
"How'd you calibrate it to send you to this place specifically then?" Deadpool was a bit curious how.
"Who's the one here who knows how to use his brain for things like this? I am."
{He's got you there, Wadey.}
"Fine..." Deadpool said. "I still want my cheesy puffs."
"Yeah, yeah, you ate them all. I always let you eat them anyway, remember what happened last time I had MY bag of cheesy puffs?"
"Oh, yeah..." Deadpool said, recalling back to that time they were both in that game, Marvel Ultimate Alliance.
"Wow, this new body feels really weird..." Weasel commented. "I feel like someone's cut off my fingers and toes, and someone deformed my skeletal shape so I have to walk on all fours... not as painful as I thought..."
"Welcome to my world..." Deadpool said.
"Technically, it's not your world, you fell through it after all."
"Okay, okay, no need to be a smart-ass about it."
Weasel took a moment to look around his surroundings.
"Oh, I'm outside Fluttershy's cottage. Perfect. Still, introductions later. Wade, who've you met so far?"
"I've met Pinkie Pie, Stephenie Meyer, Outlaw, Rainbow Sprint, Ah'dawwable-ness and Eughgodsnob." He replied.
"In other words... Pinkie Pie, Twilight, Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy and Rarity?"
"Eughgodsnob is a better name."
"You don't want Fluttershy catching you saying that. Trust me."
{But she's so harmless and cute.}
Listen to the voice of reason, head migraines.
[I thought that was me.]
Well, you're supposed to be, but so far, the Author's portraying you in the sort of way that makes you a voice of reasonable offence. No offence. And we're meant to hate White Box, but so far, he says what we're all thinking.
{Oh, thanks alot.}
"Anyway, you've met the Mane 6 then? Right. Anypony else?" Weasel asked.
"HA! Going local alright, total brony."
"Yeah, you found that out, back at Earth. Already it's not funny. AnyBODY else you've met?"
"Well," Deadpool began, "There was that psycho-lady who tried to attack Pinkie for some reason, and that was when we were at Celestia's castl-"
"You met Princess Celestia?" Weasel asked.
"Yes. Why?" Wade answered.
"Did you meet Princess Luna?" Weasel inquired.
"No. Why?" Wade answered.
"Hold on, why were you there to begin with?"
"A letter flew into my face, by Celestia, and I had to go see her so she could determine whether I was evil, nice, or just dangerous, and after I crippled the before mentioned psycho-lady with the switchblade, for trying to protect Pinkie, she was like, 'Aw, Hell naw, you'se dengerous!' And Fluttershy's like, 'No, he can stay, we can make him nice,' and Celestia's all, 'Don't approve, but fine, go, you'se gonna get owned by him soon!'
{She never said it like that. Or said you'd attack in the end. Just to be careful.}
"Shut up, White Box."
"So... that means I'll receive a letter with that request?" Weasel asked uneasily.
"Probably!"
"Oh, kay... Uh.. not sure I'm ready for this..."
"Oh, don't worry, you probably have a few hours. Either that, or you could yell that you're a safe person, which you are, you didn't bring that laser gun with you, and your hair isn't blue anymore, you seem like you could fit in."
"Besides the fact I know a bit too much about the show and stuff... yeah, probably."
"Speaking of which... would you be happy with showing me around the place, since you know more than Stephenie Meyer?"
"Twili-"
"I'm calling her Steph."
Weasel sighed. "Sure, fine. Can you just introduce me to Fluttershy?" He asked.
"I can introduce you to Fluttershy AND Pinkie Pie! She's in there right now." Wade replied.
"I'm not ready for that..."
"Too bad, I've already figured out they're the same voice actor, and I already think Pinkie's a little bit awesome."
"A little?"
"Well, she doesn't jump around, and shoot things, and slice things and look bad-ass all the time, like this..."
Weasel looked at him confusedly, wondering why he had extended his arms so it looked like he was trying to show a massive picture.
"Whatever, let's just go in." Weasel said, irritated.
"Alrighty!" Deadpool said, trying to hop like Pinkie Pie to the door, then falling on his face. "Damnit." He got up, and just walked to the door, with Weasel smirking.
-----Point Of View: The Animals-----
Angel Bunny watched them enter the cottage. He narrowed his eyes, suspicious of the two 'ponies' that appeared. He hopped over as fast as he could to a rabbit hole. He looked around, and saw Miss Rabbit head for a rabbit hole herself. He nodded to her, she nodded back, and they both jumped into the rabbit hole, and where they went, we shall return later.
-----Point of View: Deadpool-----
Because my point of view was so uninteresting ya had to go away from it! SHEESH!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=meiEjoIfGeE&feature=channel&list=UL
Deadpool and Weasel walked into the room, and found Fluttershy and Pinkie still talking. They looked at him, and Weasel. Fluttershy 'eeped' and hid behind the couch almost immediately. Pinkie Pie *GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASP*ed, and appeared in front of him quickly.
"Hi! I'm Pinkie Pie, but you probably know that already, because Wadey here either told you about me, or you're from his world and you watch the show! Well, is it good? Huh? Huh? Huh? Also, you wear different clothes than him, does that mean you don't all wear those costumes that I think I'd look good in? I mean, not to diss the jacket there, it looks pretty cool, but I haven't tried wearing red and black before, although maybe I shouldn't, the town will think I turned back into that character from that evil fiction called C- NO! I won't say it, we made a Promise to that fan and his unwavering loyalty, and by Celestia, we are gonna keep it!"
"You mean Cu-" Weasel began
"SHUSH, HERETIC!" Deadpool shushed loudly, placing a hoof over Weasel's mouth. "You're gonna promise you won't ever mention that again... GOT IT!?"
"...Got it."
"Pinkie Promise." Pinkie insisted.
"Huh?" Deadpool said.
"...Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye?" Weasel said desperately.
"Okie-dokie-lokie!" Pinkie said, bouncing over to Fluttershy. "It's okay, Weasel's a friend of Wadey!"
"O-okay..." Fluttershy squeaked, peeking from the couch, a bit quicker than one would expect, probably expecting a weasel.
"U-um... hello there." She greeted meekly.
Weasel has to suppress a fan-boy attack. "Hi." He just managed to say neutrally
[I want to go somewhere else now.]
"Well... I'll let you two get acquainted, I'd like to see the rest of the Ville of Ponies." Deadpool said. "Coming, Pinkie?"
"Okay!" She said, hopping over to him.
"Err, Wade, didn't you want me to guide y-" Weasel bega-
"Later, at the dangerous parts."
"I could show you those places too!" Pinkie said.
"Yes I could, why don't I..."
[Ask her out.]
{THIS AGAIN!?}
[Why else do you not wanna danger her?]
{STOP BEING SO ANNOYINGLY TRUE!}
Well, let me put it this way, Yellow Box... I'm not comfortable with dating a horse as a horse yet. If we do somehow manage to have to do you-know-what, I might have to do it the way a horse does, and that's just awkward!
{...Wow. You had to give us that mental image.}
WHY, TINYCHAT, WHY!?
I should be asking that question, it's happened to me, not you.
SHADDAP!
[And sleep with me, come on why don't you slee-]
NO! GET OUT OF MY BRAIN, LAY OFF THE POOR BRAIN CELLS, WILL YA!? SHEEESH! YOU'RE A CREEP! GO AWAY, WE WERE HAVING A GOOD TIME UNTIL YOU STARTING TELLING ME TO ASK HER OUT, YELLOW BOX! UGGGGHHH! GO HAVE SOME COFFEE, WITH CREAM, OR SOMETHING! BECAUSE I'LL TELL YOU SOMETHING, THIS IS A HAPPY PLACE!
...
{...}
[...]
...
[...]
{A Freakazoid cross-over might be fun, actually.}
[Ask her.]
Not today.
[Another day?]
Probably not.
[Probably so.]
(Hai guys, I'm back!)
I DON'T CARE.
(...Oh... okay... bye...)
Barrel.
Where were we? Oh, right.
"Anyway, let's go." Deadpool said, walking out the door, with Pinkie following. "What now?" He asked outside.
"Wanna go see Twilight? You can make all the Stephenie Meyer jokes you want." Pinkie offered.
"...Yes, let's go." He said. And they went over to Twilight's.
-----Point of View: The Animals-----
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BqYA5fohi9w&feature=channel&list=UL
Angel Bunny was falling down the rabbit hole for a bit of a while. It was really a sort of slidey thing. The last mechanism, it was actual falling, and the slide was at the bottom. He broke a few bones from that one, suffice to say... he reached the revised end of the slide, and slid into a room.
The room looked a meeting room... an underground meeting room... the ground and walls were made of board, and the ceiling was made of earth. There were plants around the place, and a large metal, circular table could be seen, with cosy, cushion-y chairs of different sizes surrounded it. This room was the perfect meeting room and hide-out. And this hide-out was just one of many.
This meeting room belonged to a group of 6 animals, and that team's name is... Angel's Angels. ...Well, not really. Angel wanted it to be called that. But the votes were in favour of the Woodland 6, as it was better than Team Woodland, that sounded too corny. Seriously, Angel's Angels. ORIGINAL! Thought Angel.
The animals involved in this group was Angel Bunny, the stubborn bunny with a heart of gold, and favourite of Fluttershy, gets cranky without his carrots. Then there was Miss Rabbit, another rabbit, who he secretly has eyes for, and will usually agree with her all the time. Cutie Mouse, a timid mouse with a personality reminiscent of Fluttershy, is undoubtedly cute. Then, there's Hyper Hamster. He used to be named Huggy Hamster, but now he's always jumpy and energetic, ever since that party for animals Pinkie Pie threw. There was also Fuzzy Ferret, who was like the conspiracy theorist of the group... he kinda takes his job a bit seriously, he's very paranoid. And there was Tim, who, incidentally, is a cat. Not much else.
Angel walked over to the seat made for him, and sat on it. Miss Rabbit eventually appeared out of the rabbit hole she entered, and sat on her own seat, opposite Angel. Cutie crawled out of a crawlspace, and timidly got on her seat. Hyper rolled through a spinning entrance probably designed for small rolling balls, then bounced over to his seat. Fuzzy walked through a sort of hidden doorway, wearing a gas-mask. He saw it was safe to breathe, and took it off, taking his seat. Tim walked through a crawlspace of his own, and went to his seat.
The group was gathered.
"Well, team..." Angel began. "How about we discuss the aliens who've entered Equestria?"
_____________________________________________________________________________
To be continued in the next issue!
{Huzzah, you explained the animals from The Recluse in detail... and made them recurring chatacters... again. Why?}
They're arguably the best characters I've thought up. Besides Angel, he already existed.
"HEY! YOU!" Deadpool yelled.
Hi. What can I do for you, Deadpool?
"THOSE WOODLAND CREATURES ARE STEALING MY SHOW! STOP THEM!"
They're stealing your show as much as Live Light's. Only a little bit each chapter. That way, I can discuss two goings on, and bring more entertainment. Plus, it's a fun idea, in my opinion.
"Well, why don't you give them their own adventure?"
Maybe I will. When I have the time.
"Ergh, fine. Bye."
...I could have made that a bit funnier. Oh well. What're ya gonna do?
NO!
"Okay..."
Issue #9: A Moment of Random Proportions
Deadpool Vs Equestria
Issue #9
A Moment of Random Proportions.
Last time...
Deadpool met Weasel, the friend who built the portal that sent Deadpool into the world of Equestria. After having been deemed dangerous by Princess Celestia, he now spends his days in Ponyville learning how to behave. Now, he pays a visit to Twilight Sparkle...
__________________________________________________________________________________
Deadpool and Pinkie walked over to Twilight's house. IT'S A TREE! OKAY.
*Knock Knock Knock*
After a while, Stephenie Meyer opened the door.
"Duodenum!" Deadpool said.
Twilight stared at him with widened eyes of surprise.
"...What about the duodenum?" She asked.
"I thought the fans wanted one after all this time."
[I know I did.]
{Anyone read more of 6 yet?}
"Not now, White Box. Anyway. Hi, Twilight. Pinkie and I are visiting the ponies that walk around like zombified brainy people. Which is the same way humans do, but these ones walk on all fours. As do I. IT'S WEIRD!"
"Not for us, Deadpool," Twilight replied, "In fact, for us, we find real-living humans, walking on their hind legs to be strange."
"That's offensive to me."
"Maybe your 'weird four-leg zombies' comment was offensive."
"The question is, was it? And if so, was that exactly what I said?"
"Yes, I found it offensive, as you called us zombies. We already have zombies."
"I never called you zombies. I said the way in which civilizations of all sorts walk is that of a brainy zombie."
"...Right."
"Well, nice treehouse." Deadpool said. "Can we come in?"
"I'm not so sure about letting you do that, Deadpool." Twilight replied.
"I am." Deadpool said, before teleporting inside. Twilight blinked, looked behind her to see Deadpool looking around the place. She looked back at the door for Pinkie, to find she wasn't there. Looking back at Deadpool, Pinkie was right next to him. One spontaneous crazy is enough, we don't need Deadpool killing us all... thought Twilight.
"I wonder if I should star in another Gangnam Style video, set in here... bit like last time, except brony friendly!" Deadpool commented.
"Wait, that doesn't make you one right now, does it?" Pinkie asked.
"Not really, it probably just makes me a character if I'm in the show right now." Wade replied.
"Oh, good. Just saying. You'd probably be one of those weird bronies who feels the need to write untrue fan-fictions about us being evil, and get this... some even cl-"
{Anyone read 6 yet?}
"Shush, White Box, we're speaking about important matters."
{No you're not. I'm trying to be happily confused for once, and you're freakin' ignoring me.}
[FINE, I'LL GIVE IT A READ, IF IT'LL GET YOU TO SHUT UP!]
{Cool.}
[Wait... Author... Pennywise? YOU KNOW I'M AFRAID OF CLOWNS!]
...No... actually, I don't... how can you be a coulrophobe if Wade and White Box aren't?
[BECAUSE IT'S FUNNY!]
Are you just trying to make yourself seem funny by being overly meta?
[Yes.]
Just read 6. Now.
[Fine.]
"I wonder how one performs the Gangnam dance as a pony..." Deadpool wondered out loud.
"Deadpool," Began Twilight, "Do you mind if I use this as an oppurtunity to ask you some questions?"
"Yes, yes I do."
"...Well, sorry, but unless another human fell through the portal with you, you'll have to d-"
"I can get Weasel!" Pinkie exclaimed.
"Who?" Twilight asked.
"He's a friend of Wadey's who came here a lot later than he did, he's talking to Fluttershy right now, so, if you want, you can go visit him! He has glasses, and he's totally smart."
"Really? Well, I guess he'll be more useful that Deadpool." Twilight commented.
"Yes." Wade responded shallowly.
"Well... I'll be right back... see you in a moment, Pinkie." Twilight said, before turning to Deadpool. "I've got my eye on you..." she said with a bit of coldness in her voice, before teleporting into a purple flash of light.
{This would be a brilliant time to bring in Spike.}
I can't be bothered. Plus, I already included him in The Recluse.
{You included the animal characters.}
They're fun!
[...]
{Finished reading?}
[Yes.]
{Not so much Gusta now, hm?}
[Shaddap.]
{While I'm still shocked, I'm satisfied.}
[SHADDAAAAAAAP!]
"So... she teleports too?" Deadpool asked.
"Yup! She's magic!" Pinkie answered.
"Ah. Right." Deadpool said. He looked around as an awkward silence settled in.
"You don't... have any cows in Equestria, do ya?" He asked.
"Yeah, why?"
"... ... ... ... ...No reason."
"Alright!"
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
"So... High Moon Studios, huh?" Pinkie Pie asked.
"Yeah. High Moon Studios. I hope they make my game a success. There'll be hell to pay if it sucks." Deadpool answered.
"Uh huh."
...
...
...
...
"What kind of evil fan-fictions?" Deadpool asked.
"Well, there's the one we knew about at Fluttershy's. Then, there's Rainbow Factory, Cheerilee's Garden... list goes on."
"Uh huh." Deadpool responded.
"Do you still wanna leave?" Pinkie asked.
"Yeah. I don't fit in with colourful ponies as much as I did when they were hallucinations."
"Aww... You're really fun to have around!" Pinkie said.
"...Really?" Deadpool asked, feeling rather curious.
"Yup!"
"How?"
"You're really weird, you say funny things, and it's always fun to compare you to Deathstroke!" She explained.
"Huh. Well, thanks."
"Plus, Fluttershy's right, you can be really nice. You risked your life which wasn't going to be at risk anyway to save me from some psycho lady who thought I wronged her. I would never do that. Heck, I don't even like breaking mirrors!"
"Hmm... I did do that, didn't I..." He said.
...
...
...
...
[Ask her out.]
Oh, not this again.
{Ask her out.}
What the buck... now they're both against me... AUTHOR, HELP ME!
No.
But... this is too early, right!?
Not really. This may be the 9th issue, but it's the 11th chapter.
At least... make me used to horse-species dating?
No.
Come ooon.
No.
Come oooon!
No.
OHH, COME AAWWWN!
No.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ixey1pXAakM
Not... convinced...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yu_RmSJxtUE
Agh, damnit. Fine. I'll make you used to this. But make this the first of a 'grant me three wishes' of meta thingies.
Akay.
BY THE POWER OF... THE POWER!
... ... ...Anyway.
"Err... Pinkie Pie..." Wade began.
"Yeah?" She asked.
"I was wondering... would you... like to... .... ... Blueberry Muffins..." Deadpool facehoofed.
"Uhh... I haven't cooked those before, but err... I have a better idea."
"What?"
"...Wanna go on a date?"
[Oh, wow.]
{I wonder if the undead sorcerer expected this.}
He's not undead, Deadpool just didn't shoot him in the head right.
HEY!
"Err... yeah."
"Really? I mean, uh, cool! Yeah! Uh... when?"
{Hour.}
[Hour.]
Hour.
(Hour.)
Shut up.
"Hour?"
Pinkie thinks for a moment, looking slightly nervous, before deciding...
"Okie-dokie-lokie!"
"Alright, let's get ready at meet at err... Town hall?" Wade suggested.
"Okay. See ya soon!"
The two ran off in separate directions. Twilight teleported just as they left. She looked around. When she saw nopony in the house, she just shrugged, and went upstairs to study.
-----
Deadpool ran over to Weasel, who was walking over to Sugarcube Corner after his interview with Twilight. Deadpool tackled him to the ground.
"Agh! Wade, what're you doing!?" He yelled.
"I need the bag, bye." Deadpool said, before trying to teleport away with his teleport device, before getting an electric shock. It's back on the fritz. Using it 3 times is apparently bad luck... oh well.
"Curses... foiled again." Deadpool commented, before running to his Guest Room in Sugarcube Corner. Weasel decided to walk over just so he can get his back.
_______________________________________________________________________
To be continued in the next issue!
...
...
...
Well, say something.
{I got smooched by Pink Box in 6, I guess?}
Meh, good for you.
Issue #10: The Joys of Dating
Deadpool vs. Equestria
Issue #10
The Joys of Dating
Previously on Deadpool Vs. Equestria...
Deadpool met Weasel, the friend who built the portal that sent Deadpool into the world of Equestria. After having been deemed dangerous by Princess Celestia, he now spends his days in Ponyville learning how to behave. After paying Twilight Sparkle a visit, Pinkie Pie asks him out on a date when he fails to ask her out. And now, he gets ready...
{I'd just like to get this joke out of the way, so we'll not have to deal with it for the rest of the chapter, it really is god-awful.}
[AAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIEEEEEEE! DISLIKE!]
_____________________________________________________________________
"Why are dates always so hard to get ready for!?" Deadpool asked himself.
{Either pressure, or more pressure because you're both horses.}
"It's still hard."
{Just get your fricking flank organized for the party, you have to look presentable!}
"WOW. What's making you go hulk-mode on me?"
{I don't wanna talk about it.}
[Hay.]
{What.}
[Anyone read 6 yet?]
{You bastard.}
[Dude, I'm mad about it too.]
"I told you, you should have become George Lopez." Deadpool told White Box.
{And you were well informed there was no point trying.}
"So wait... if you two are broken up with her... does that mean she's my girlfriend?" He asks, a bit confused.
{No, because whenever you're there in person, she's a voice in your head, and you can't romance a non-physical entity unless you are also a similar entity, and whenever she's there in person, you're a freaking head voice too!}
[You know, it's probable that she's your girlfriend in this fic.]
"I'm still uncomfortable."
{Get used to it. You might be here for a long time.}
"All done."
{You're a horse.}
"Oh, right..."
I don't know a picture of you as a horse doing that pose, sorry.
"Buck. Well, we better go meet her at Town Hall now."
Okaybye.
-----
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Um14E3t5WO0
Deadpool trotted out of Sugarcube Corner. Lyra and Bon-Bon looked at him as he left.
"Hm. Looks like John Tracolta." Bon-Bon commented.
"Or John Travolta, where he comes from..." Lyra added.
Deadpool began his walk to the Town Hall.
{What if your hormones change so you start liking the horses here...it'll be easier for ya.}
[Yeah, but then he might still have that preference when he gets back.]
{Only if they're colourful.}
"Agh, stop being creepy..." Deadpool said.
{NEVAH!}
[Aaaand we're here.]
Deadpool arrived at Town Hall, and examined it for a moment, before looking around the place.
"Hm. No sign of Pinkie..."
Suddenly, Pinkie Pie.
"Hi!" She exclaimed.
{I speculated this might happen.}
"AGHHHHi, Pinkie..." Deadpool said, dragging the last part of Pinkie's name as he looked her over.
Although a Ponyvillian would probably expect her most formal dress to be one decorated with various comfort food related decorations, right now, she was wearing a blue dress, a simple blue dress. Deadpool narrowed one of his eyes. Something about this made him feel kinda weirdly happy.
{Yep. Your hormones are shifted to horsies now.}
[This would never have happened if you traveled to other dimensions with her.]
{He kinda did. In another fic.}
[We discuss other fiction versions of us LATAH.]
"Err... you look nice tonight, Pinkie?" Deadpool said, mostly unfamiliar with normal dates.
"You don't look too bad yourself, Wadey!" She replied.
Heh-heh... I was complimented. I wish I had a drill to go underground.
[You'll get used to it.]
"Anyway, I found a good restaurant we can go to!" She continued, then dragging him by the hoof, "Come on!"
"...Coming, milady?"
-----
Deadpool and Pinkie were sitting in a restaurant, at tables Pinkie had reserved. Deadpool nervously looked around. There was a stallion who brought his chicken with him. He can't remember if he's afraid of chickens or not. And... besides that... he isn't too sure how to act in this restaurant. The wrong move could ruin everything, and make Pinkie mad at him.
{Act natural.}
You always say that.
{And I mean it.}
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w39ntIJmQFs&feature=relmfu
"Err... I... really like your mane?" Wade said. This was sort of the truth, but he wasn't sure if he should mention it.
"Thanks! I like your lack of a tail!" She responded.
[...How did we not notice that after all these issues?]
"So... how you enjoyin' Ponyville so far?" She asked.
"I haven't gotten a chance to blow shhhh..... Manure up yet." He responded.
"Yeah, you'll have to get used to it. Not sure if you've noticed, but Ponyville is probably one of the most peaceful towns in Equestria."
"Is there a... Pony equivalent of New York?" He asked.
"Well, there's Manehattan. That's about it."
"I'll have to get there, surely my Marvel buddies have found themselves in here. Somehow. Maybe just... exist over there..."
"Look on the bright side. At least you get to say all the weird things you want, and around me, it just looks like you're a twin brother of mine with an identical personality!" She said.
"Ah huh... cool..." Deadpool said.
"Orders, Miss?" A waiter asked Pinkie.
"Got any tacos?" Pinkie asked.
"I believe we can organize that, yes. How about you, sir?" He said, looking to Wade.
"Same for me." He answered.
[Tacos. Cool.]
As the waiter left to get the tacos, Wade's mind raced.
It lost the race against the brain cells.
Damnit. I still haven't figured out how this works yet.
Pinkie was now looking around the restaurant. Wade looked around too. He stared awkwardly at Pinkie for a moment.
[This isn't part of dating, by the way. You don't stare at people awkwardly.]
Pinkie looked back at him staring. She looked thoughtful for a moment, before silently engaging in a staring contest.
...
...
...
...
...
...
{You blinked.}
"We were having a staring contest?" Deadpool asked.
"Yeah, why else were you staring at me like you were a vampire hungry for blood?" She asked.
"...Well... I don't know." He said.
The Waiter arrived with their tacos. They ate in awkward silence.
[This isn't going very well, is it...]
-----
The two left the restaurant. They were going to a park for the remainder of their date. After walking through a path on some fields, they found a secluded bench, and decided to sit there. They looked around the place. It was a lot darker now.
"I'm not usually up at this time unless I'm partying," Pinkie commented.
"I'm up at this time whenever I have a job that stretches out for a long time." Deadpool responded.
Pinkie smiled. "Did you enjoy your old job?" She asked.
"Well, yeah. I mean, first, it started out as a way to get money. Now it's a way to get money and have adventures. Mainly for the money, still." He replied.
"Huh. I wouldn't be comfortable with continually killing people. That's just me, I guess." Pinkie said, shrugging.
"You obviously haven't seen how comfy my suit is." Wade said.
{What does that have to do with it?}
[Really comfy, though.]
"It makes the killing relaxing." He said to his head voices.
"I'll hold you to that." Pinkie said.
Deadpool blinked. He wasn't quite sure what she was replying to.
"Huh?"
"I'd like to see how comfy your suit is someday. I think I'd look real sexy in that."
{Does not compute. Original not sexy in suit.}
"Everyone looks sexy in my suit... although, I bet you could pull it off nicely." Deadpool responded. Before using his brain.
Wait-wait-wait-wait... what did I just say?
{We told you. Your hormones are horsified... ... I don't like that word.}
[Ponyfied?]
{That's exactly what I said... it sounds better now... I'll use it!}
[You stole my stolen idea. Gonnae no dae that.]
{How?}
[Just... gonnae no...]
Pinkie giggled, then shifted a bit closer to him on the bench. Wade inhaled sharply, in a bit of surprise. He looked to her, and she looked to him.
"I always wondered... why do you hide your face?" Pinkie asked.
"...Err... well..." He began.
{...}
[...]
{...}
[...]
{...}
[...]
{...}
[...]
{...}
[...]
{The tension is killing me. Tell her, before I leave the story for good.}
"Well... basically... the reason I can heal is because, in my world, I'd gotten cancer, and I let myself get experimented on so it could get cured. Well, they gave me a healing factor, but it didn't do much good for my manly face." He explained.
{Was it even manly?}
Yes, of course.
"So now, I don't take it off much. Still, I think I have a bit of charm with that look. But I don't think a town of peaceful bores want to see the scars belonging to the most exciting male they'll ever meet."
"Hey, Ponyville isn't a town of bores," Pinkie said, "They certainly know how to party."
"Hmmmmmaybe I can see that for myself, the next time ya throw a party."
"Probably."
...
...
...
...
...
{Haven't we used this to signify awkward silences enough?}
[No.]
"And this is the point where dates usually end..." Pinkie said. "I was really enjoying it too..."
"To be honest," Wade began, "So.. did I..."
{And now you're saying that like it's alien to you. Remember the time you had that date in the zombie universe?}
[Well, to be fair, she did turn into a zombie later.]
{Meh.}
"It's not all bad, though..." Pinkie said, giving him a sort of suggestive look... "This is also the part where I do this..." She finished, before pulling him in and kissing him full on the mask. At the mouth part, of course.
[Err. This is new.]
{*Munch* *Munch* Hm? I'm eating right now. Leave a mes- oh, right.}
She breaks away from the kiss.
"Hmm... your mask tastes like spandex. You're lucky it was awesome spandex."
"Uhhhhh..." Deadpool said, still a bit shocked.
"Well, I'm off to bed. See ya tomorrow, Wadey!" She said, before winking, and bouncing off.
"Uhhhhh..."
{...Err... does she 'like' like us or not?}
"Uhhhhh..."
[I guess we should wait till morning.]
"Uhhhhh..."
{Stop that.}
"Uh uhhhhh..."
[Well, guess you can't argue with refusal.]
______________________________________________________________
To be continued in the next issue!
{OTP?}
Oh, The Pain?
{Err... no. OTP as in, Shipping OTP. One True Pairing. Shipping. You might have just become a shipper now.}
I don't have a boat...
{*Facepalm* Where did the term Shipping come from anyway...}
The last four words of relationship?
{Probably. I thought you were an idiot.}
I don't know the word, 'Thought.'
{... I hate you.}
It's not that bad, I just thought of a mini-story idea!
{...Four stories to simultaneously work on? Really?}
OTP! OTP!
Issue #10.5: 'Nuff said.
Deadpool walked to Sugarcube Corner, expecting Pinkie Pie to jump out at him when he opened the door. Which didn't happen. He went upstairs, and looked in her room to see if she was asleep. He hadn't really gone in her room before, so only had a quick peek. Pinkie was sleeping on a pink bed with blue covers, and as far as he could see, the room's wallpaper was pink.
After looking, he nodded, and went into his room, to ponder recent events.
{In Ultimate Spider-Man's cartoon, Hulk was ill.}
HAH!
[The Author has been neglecting us slightly.]
I was busy.
{Someone wanted The Recluse to have a random tag.}
Ask him.
I don't know.
[Have you lost weight?]
Is that important?
[With the Black Widow, apparently it is.]
{The Author seems to have gotten more intelligent (Help us all) and is starting to assign colours to things.}
It's not bad news, is it?
[I want a dental plan.]
{There's an eyeball in 'me soup.}
[Apparently we eat soup now.]
{The Author only had time to make this a mini-episode.}
[He also remembered how much he likes the Socially Awkward Penguin meme.]
{In The Recluse, Author adapted a rip-off of you named Deathelocke.}
...
...
...
...
...
What?
{There's a rip-off of you now. Deathelocke. And he wears blue. And the Author's considering adding him later as an extra head voice/important plot device.}
...
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-
____________________________________________________________________________________
Issue #11: The Animals Are Behind It All
DEADPOOL VS. EQUESTRIA
ISSUE 11
-----
Wade opened his eyes, waking up. He looked around. By now, his room was red and black, as he'd requested. He decided to get up. He got out of his date suit, so now he was only wearing his suit.
{So why is it your suit is spandex and the other Deadpool's suit is... carbofiber or something?}
[And our grammar doesn't suck that much. It perfectly fien!]
{Now you're making fun of yourself.}
He opened the door.
Suddenly, Pinkie Pie.
"Hey, Wadey!" She said cheerfully.
Wade blinked a little bit. He was still a little tired.
"Oh, hi Pinkie." He said at last.
"So I was wonde-"
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!" He screamed, his slow-reactivity wearing off.
"Feelin' better?" Pinkie asked after he finished.
"Yeppers." He replied.
"So I was wondering, you've seen a bit of our world, so... I wanna see your world!" She requested.
"...Really." He dead-panned.
"Yeah. Is there a problem?"
"Not with me. Not sure if it's possible though.
"We should see your friend Weasel about it, shouldn't we?"
"Ah huh. Well, let's go see him."
"Yeah."
"Like, now."
"Yeah."
"Like, now, as in, let's go."
"Yeah, I agree."
"So why aren't we going?"
"I'm not sure."
"Do you wanna go?"
"Yes."
"Can you?"
"No."
"Same with me."
"Help."
"HELP."
{AUTHOR! STOP PROLONGING YOUR FICTION!}
The pencil's purrty.
{YOU'RE TYPING, DAMMIT.}
...
"Can we go now?" Pinkie asked.
FINE.
And off they went to Fluttershy's Cottage.
-----Point of View: Angel Bunny-----
Angel Bunny, Miss Rabbit, Cutie Mouse and Tim were waiting for Hyper Hamster. Fuzzy, not so much.
Fuzzy appeared first, walking through his plain door, and sitting on his chair.
"...Is anyone gonna ask me where I've been?" He asked. Angel, Miss Rabbit and Tim shook their head. Cutie Mouse didn't wish to offend him, so just didn't really react.
"Oh no..." he started to panic... "THEY'VE WIPED YOUR MEMORIES OF ME, HAVEN'T THEY!?"
"...No, Fuzzy," Angel said, "We're just not that interested."
Hyper rolled through the spinning tube that was his entrance, entering the Hedge.
"Hey, guys!"
"Oh, hello, Hyper," Miss Rabbit greeted, "Where've you been?" Fuzzy's face dead-panned.
"Been watching how Pinkie and the weirdo are doing! They went on a date!" He replied.
"WHAT!?" Angel said, rising from his seat, "ISN'T IT ENOUGH TO HAVE TWO CRAZIES!?"
"It's never enough..." Fuzzy said, shuddering.
"DONKEY." Hyper yelled.
"WHERE!?" Fuzzy shrieked.
"Thank you," Hyper said, "While you can't trouble us for 5 seconds, I just witnessed that Pinkie wishes to go to where Wadey came from!"
"WHAT!?" Angel repeated.
"That."
"..."
"U-um..." Cutie began, "Why does she want to go there? W-wouldn't it be a bit... unfamiliar?"
"I guess she wants to see other worlds," Tim theorized, "I mean, she has been rather paranoid in a happy manner lately."
"Wh.... what do you mean?" Fuzzy asked.
"She acts as if there's others watching her... and even talks to imaginary friends... more than one..."
"NO! SHE'S TALKING OF THE FOU-"
"DONKEYS!" Hyper yelled.
"SHUT UP!" Fuzzy shrieked.
Angel buried his paws in his head. Ugh... the Hedge is gonna fall apart if this keeps up...
"So, what do we do about this?" Angel asked, "I mean, judging from Deadpool's personality, and the fact he's armed... and he talks to his imaginary friends more frequently than Pinkie... his world might be similar!"
"Angel, don't feed suspicion to Fuzzy," Miss Rabbit said, "He's probably like Pinkie. One in a million."
"The only reason Fuzzy's acting more spontaneous lately is because we gave him those pills that were supposed to calm him! But SOMEONE gave him anti-sleep pills."
"Well, he did ask to keep himself safe from the Vampire Rabbits!" Hyper defended himself.
"There aren't any Vampire Rabbits! I was just testing my costume for Nightmare Night!"
"Which is tomorrow." Miss Rabbit said.
"Yes, and?"
"You could have done it tonight. Why last night?"
"...I... don't know... anyway, that's not the point, what do we do about Deadpool?"
"Well, it's not like they can actually succeed, right?" Tim theorized, "I mean, the only way they can get back is by going with that Doctor Whooves, and last I heard, he was in a different dimension, going around with that dimension's Ditzy and... said something about bringing his pen pal with him."
"Well, Pinkie said something about asking a Weasel." Hyper said.
"They're gonna ask a weasel for advice?" Angel asked, "They barely understand what we say."
"Or m-maybe..." Cutie began, "W-weasel's a c-codename f-for a f-f-friend of Wade..."
"Possible," Tim said, "Either way, we should at least track them a little to make sure nothing bad happens."
"Sounds like a plan." Angel agreed. "Anyone else agree?"
"I do," Miss Rabbit said.
"I do..." Cutie said.
"Me!" Hyper said,
"I guess." Fuzzy said.
"Well, it was my idea, so I guess I'm in." Tim said.
"Alright then...
ANGEL'S ANGELS, GO!"
"...Really, Angel?" Miss Rabbit asked.
"Oh, come on, Angel's Angels. ORIGINAL!" He defended himself.
"That suggests you're a leader," Tim said. "We're just a club."
"Hey, I can lead too! My ancestors led our clan to victory."
"And where is it now?" Fuzzy asked.
"...Shutup."
-----
To be continued in the next issue!
[AIIIE! DI-]
{Put him in the box.}
[The box!? You mean...]
I can't find an Image with the Box... you know, the Box Deadpool always put Blind Al in? The one with the pointy things.
Someone know an image? Anyone?
Issue #12: Thinking Of Portals
Deadpool Vs. Equestria
Issue 12
Last time...
Pinkie decides that she would like to go to the home dimension of her new boyfriend(?). They go to find Weasel, but are unaware of the Woodland 6's suspicions.
__________________________________________________________________________
Weasel walked around Ponyville. He was wondering where Deadpool was. Where did he put his bag? Well, technically it was Deadpool's, and he asked him to take care of it, but he thought it would only be temporary. He decided to walk back to his hotel room.
Suddenly, Pinkie Pie.
"Hi, Weasel!"
"Agh! Oh, hi, Pinkie. Uh, have you seen Wade?" Weasel asked.
"Yeah. Look up." She answered.
As soon as Weasel looked up, Deadpool landed behind him. Weasel was really close to being landed on and having his bones broken, worse. After about 5 seconds, Wade got up, with one limp foreleg.
"Hey, Weas!" He greeted. "What's up? Besides me about 10 seconds ago?"
"...Are you... gonna give me the bag back?" Weasel asked.
"No. Anyway, we have a request for ya!"
"...Okay?"
"Any chance you could build a portal and send us to Earth-616?"
Weasel scratched his head. "Where?"
"Home." He dead-panned.
"Oh. ...Well, I could -build- one, but I need a power cell... and they're back home."
"What kinda power cell?" Pinkie asked.
{Censoring Power Cell name.}
[Why?]
{Because the Author doesn't want to make up a name, and have it be scientifically incorrect.}
[I guess that's a good reason.]
It's not.
"Wadey." Pinkie said, poking him.
"Huh?"
"I said I have that kind of power cell."
"Why do you have one?" Weasel asked.
"It's either because it's convenient, because someone from your world already went here and put a power cell he found in my basement, or all of the above."
"Cool. So, Weas, get to work on the Portal. Pinkie wants a look at our world." Deadpool requested.
"You sure she'll like it there?" Weasel asked.
"Nope. But she wants to go anyway." Deadpool said, nodded.
"Yeppers!" Pinkie said.
"...Well... okay, I'll get to building the portal..." Weasel agreed, "Might take a few days..."
"Nothing a good ol' transition scene can't fix!" Deadpool exclaimed.
*2 Days Later*
*Attempt failed*
"Hey! I said... TWO DAYS LATER!" Deadpool yelled at the sky.
*Attempt failed*
*Meta sucks*
"Now that's a big lie!" Pinkie yelled. "Meta has all sorts of awesome if used right!"
"What are you two talking about?" Weasel asked.
"I thought you'd understand me when you realize how Pinkie speaks to the audience, Weas," Deadpool said, "Not cool."
"...Uh..."
-----Point of View: Angel Bunny-----
Angel watched the three with his binoculars. He, Miss Rabbit and Hyper Hamster were on a tree. The rest of the group were on a bush, on the opposite side of the tree.
"What are they yelling about?" Miss Rabbit asked.
"Don't know, but it's like someone just insulted their way of life..." Angel commented.
"I can't watch..." Hyper said. He had his paws over his eyes.
"Hyper, do you know what we're looking at?" Angel asked.
"Nope..."
"What do you think?"
"I thought we were at a Slendermane sighting..."
"..." Angel was silent. Partly because it's ridiculous, and partly because he doesn't like that subject very much. He just went back to looking at the group of Earth-Ponies.
"So it's not a Slendermane sighting?" Hyper asked.
"No, Hyper, it's not." Miss Rabbit said.
"Okay!" Hyper said, taking his paws off his eyes. "Oh, there's Pinkie, Wadey and the weird guy I don't know!"
"I beg to differ," Angel said, "Weasel there seems to be the most normal of the two, despite coming from somewhere else and having a jacket Rarity would hate to see."
"Agreed." Miss Rabbit agreed.
Yay. Angel thought, holding back a smile.
Angel noticed a rustling in the bushes in front of him.
Fuzzy's head popped out of it, he looked around frantically. Angel scowled.
"Miss Rabbit, one of the rocks, please?" He asked.
"Certainly." Miss Rabbit said, reaching into a bag, and handing Angel a rock.
"Thanks." Angel said, before throwing the rock all the way at the bush, inadvertently hitting Tim, who was still hiding in the bush, in the head. No one on the tree noticed, though. At least it got Fuzzy's attention. He looked over to Angel. Angel pointed downwards, motioning for him to stop looking out of the bush and get behind cover.
Fuzzy shook his head. Angel shrugged, asking why he wouldn't. Fuzzy pointed at the bush, grabbed himself, and made a slit-throat motion.
"DONKEYS." Hyper yelled. Fuzzy immediately retreated into the bush.
"Thank you, Hyper, for making a large amount of noise the ponies might've heard," Angel said, sarcastically.
"Hamsters sound like squeaks to others," Hyper explained, "No one really knows what rabbits sound like, so you can yell too. Tim shouldn't, though, because it'll sound he watched a horror movie while in a horror movie."
"...If you say so..." Angel said, shrugging. He looked back at the group... and they're gone. He looked left and right, and eventually saw Deadpool and Pinkie going to Ponyville, and Weasel going elsewhere, probably a hotel room.
"...Right, now we need to go after Deadpool and Pinkie," Angel explained, "And the other group hopefully remembers they have to follow Weasel. Alrighty then, let's go." The group then used a rope they'd brought with them to descend the tree, and follow the pair.
-----
To be continued in the next issue!
{Author, are you bored?}
Yes.
{...That's your idea of subtle?}
[I wasn't told to be subtle, especially not by the awesome dude who made this. 1 in a 7 billion.]
{...Shutup. And stop being two links that lead to the same thing...}
It's his true purpose now... he's going to be blue his entire life now...
{WHAT!?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YKss2uYpih8
}
...I wonder if he'll be okay with that video reference...
Issue #13: The Long Wait
Deadpool Vs. Equestria
Issue #13: The Long Wait
Previously on Deadpool Vs. Equestria...
Portals requested. Portals granted. Animals seeing rollin'. Animals hatin'. Animals patrolling directly.
White And Nerdy.
____________________________________________________
Weasel walked into Sugarcube Corner. He looked around, and smiled at the citizens eating casually, and by how realistic (despite cartoony) it looked. He looked over to Mrs. Cake.
"Hello, Mrs. Cake." He greeted.
"Hello, dearie... can I get you anything?" She asked.
"Do you know where Wade and Pinkie are?"
"They're probably upstairs," She answered, "Why, do you need them for something?"
"Yeah, I finished building something, and I thought they should come and see." Weasel replied.
"Oh, I see. Well, off you go. I hope they're glad to see you and whatever contraption you've built!" She said, sweetly.
"Thank you," Weasel said, before going upstairs. In the upstairs hallway, he heard near to nothing. He looked around, before looking at a door that had the following sign on it...
'I'm doing things right now. Like, waiting for my game. GET OUT.
If you bring tacos or chimichangas, though, I might let you in. :D
-Deadpool's Room'
He nodded, and turned the doorknob, opening the door, and walking inside the room. He was mildly surprised to see Deadpool lying down on the floor, and Pinkie lying down on a couch.
"...Uh... guys..." Weasel said. Deadpool instantly perked up.
"WHERE IN THE HELLS HAVE YOU BEEN!?" He yelled. "IT'S BEEN AROUND HALF A MONTH!"
"W-what are you talking about?" Weasel asked, frightened and confused. "I saw you yesterday!"
"Canonically..." Pinkie said, appearing next to Deadpool.
"It feels like half a month, because SOME author hasn't been paying attention to our fanfic!" He yelled at the sky.
[Shame on you.]
...
{I wouldn't talk to him right now... seriously.}
[Why not?]
{He tried something and failed miserably.}
[Which was, what exactly?]
{Writing a horror fic. I hear he thinks it sounds stupid and weird, now.}
[I don't see it.]
{And... you never will...}
[In other news. I'm confused. Are we being shipped with Pinkie still?]
{I honestly do not know...}
"...Well, maybe you should pay more attention to your fanfic..." Weasel said.
"I'm not writing it. Neither is Pinkie," Deadpool answered. "Get used to it."
"...I'm just gonna tell you now... I finished the portal... Bye." Weasel said, before running off. He really didn't want to stick around near Deadpool any longer now.
"This is gonna be fun!" Pinkie exclaimed, "Wadey, do you have any favourite sports?"
"I like kicking heads like soccer balls and playing basketball, because my girlfriend was Anna," Deadpool replied. "If, at the time, my girlfriend was Susan, I'd probably be into completely different things. Strange things. Horrible things. Dirty things."
Pinkie looked at him with one eye narrowed in confusion.
"They're both dead now." Deadpool said. "Although, I'm not sure if Anna actually existed."
Pinkie looked at him with a neutral expression.
"...Awkwaaaaard..." Deadpool said, trying to break that silence.
"Wanna go to Earth?" Pinkie asked.
"Indubitably." Deadpool said, before walking out of the room, with Pinkie following.
-----
Angel watched as Deadpool and Pinkie left Sugarcube Corner. He, Miss Rabbit and Hyper were inside a bush. Tim, Cutie and Fuzzy were on an opposite bush.
"Tim says they were talking about a 'portal'..." Angel said. "Are they going to summon a magical portal or something?"
"We should follow them and find out." Miss Rabbit said.
"Indeed." Angel agreed.
"I dunno. We might get taken on some weird adventure." Hyper said, skeptically.
"You heard the lady, Hyper," Angel said. "We're still gonna follow them."
"You would say that..." Hyper whispered to himself.
"Huh?"
"Nooope, nothing." Hyper said.
Angel rolled his eyes, and looked to the other bush. Fuzzy popped up, and pointed at the ground. Cutie Mouse was on her way to the other bush, and Deadpool was sorta close to squishing her.
"SLENDERMANE." Hyper yelled, causing Angel jump at the sudden yell, and scowl with fury at Hyper. Fuzzy, however, let out a rather girly scream. Deadpool stopped in his tracks, and looked to the bush.
"...Do all the bushes scream like little girls?" Deadpool asked Pinkie. Pinkie shrugged. "Good enough." He said, and they continued on. Deadpool began to sing the one song that came to mind.
Donkeys stood on a field and they're up to no good,
Can't anyone see it's truuuuueeeee,
Look at its face, there's something nasty in store for you.
Donkeys stood on a field and they're up to no good,
Can't Anyone see it's truuuuueeeee,
What on Earth are those donkeys trying to do.
(trollface)
Five members of the Woodland 6 watched as Fuzzy screamed repeatedly and loudly at the very song about donkeys. Angel, Miss Rabbit and Tim face-pawed.
-----
...
{To be continued in the next issue.}
...
{Heeyyy. Sport. How are ya?}
...
{You know what'll cheer you up? A story about the Ugly Barna-}
[We don't watch that show.]
{Doesn't mean he won't enjoy it.}
...
{You know what else might cheer you up? A live video of Weird Al Yankovic... I dedicate this song to you.}
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SvKIB-HGt_4
...!
{What about thi-}
*File:Caption Boxes placed in Recycle Bin*
:)
Issue #14: Return of the Author
Deadpool Vs. Equestria
Issue #14
Previously on Deadpool Vs Equestria...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1pBbtmAr48A
And now the story continues.
_____________________________________________________
Deadpool and Pinkie walked through some fields, on their way to Weasel's place. Deadpool notices something is missing.
"Something is missing." Deadpool says. Pinkie Pie wonders what is missing.
"What is missing?" Pinkie Pie asks.
"I used to have voices in my head." Deadpool replied. Pinkie knew that.
"I knew that. Where are they?" Deadpool isn't sure.
"I isn't sure." He hears something.
"I hear something." He says, looking at a trash can. He decides he will look inside it.
"I've decided I will look inside it." He looks inside the trash can.
[Oh, he found us!]
{Aww. I was liking the security here...}
[Warn him now.]
{Isn't he confused to see the recycle bin right now?}
[No. Warn him now.]
{Wade, Pinkie, a robot is doing the story for the Author. Resist.}
Deadpool was confused, and wondered why there was a robot doing the story.
"I used to be confused, then I took an arrow to the hoof. I seem to be breaking free of robot writing, as I am saying more than I need to say. I don't want to wonder why there is a robot doing the story." Deadpool said monotonously. "Monotonously." Not literally. "Unliteral."
{I think Author's still sad.}
Oi. Robot. Get off.
I must complete my programming.
I'll complete it for you. Go back to Android Hell.
But I don't like it down there.
I promise you that there will be a lot of balloons down there.
Do they float.
Yes. They float. Now get out, before I eat your flesh.
I am a cybernetic organism.
Whatever. ...Now... back to my fanfic...
"Sad about what?" Wade asked unambiguously, like the ambiguous red guy he is, except he's a horse. A midget horse to be precise.
[Something's different. Really different.]
{It's like... somebody tried to make a joke... but failed miserably!}
"Author, you're back! Being a tacky one-dimension robot character was really boring!" Pinkie exclaimed happily.
Yes. Well. Be happy I'm back for now. I still feel a bit bad about it.
[What was bad about it?]
Everything, when I think back.
{Can we see it?}
No.
[Can H4rvD4wgs Pup see it?]
Yes.
{Why him and not us?}
Because he is the best dedicated fan a form of vapour could have, and you are so annoying I had to put you in the Recycle Bin. Of which, you were supposed to stay in.
[Why are your chapter recaps not actual recaps anymore?]
"Let's run, to the next narrative, before the comments start complaining that we're relying on the fourth wall card too much." Deadpool said, with he and Pinkie running away fast, very fast.
-----Weasel's House-----
Deadpool and Pinkie Pie arrived at Weasel's house, ignoring all the little details as the Author is too occupied with the Caption Boxes to describe things.
"Hey, Weas." Deadpool greeted as he saw Weasel.
"Oh, uh, hey, Wade, and Pinkie." Weasel greeted back. "As you can see, the portal's ready now." Weasel pointed to the portal.
"Ooh, it looks like a swirly wormhole!" Pinkie said excitedly.
"Right, well, anyway, just wait a moment while I make a few adjustments..." Weasel said, turning around to type some things on the computer.
"It'll just take a mome-" Weasel looked back. Deadpool and Pinkie had gone in without him finishing the portal's temporal stabilisers.
"...Shhh... ...? Ssshhhh. ...You can't curse in here? ...Okay."
-----Point of View: The Animals-----
Angel Bunny, Miss Rabbit, Cutie Mouse, Hyper Hamster, Fuzzy Ferret and Tim, incidentally, a cat, looks at the portal, as Deadpool and Pinkie Pie entered it.
"We're gonna have to go in and save Pinkie from that madcolt." Angel said.
"Nope." Fuzzy said.
"Yep." Angel said.
"Nope." Miss Rabbit said.
"YeahbutHUH!?" Angel looked at her in frantic confusion.
"I'm not wasting time saving a mare who can bend the world to her will. I, personally, am out." She replied.
"...Uhm... okay..." Angel said, unsure about this decision.
"I'm stepping out. Aliens are involved." Fuzzy stated.
"...The group doesn't want to go, and I don't want to land in water. Sorry." Tim said.
"Um... are you sure about this?" Cutie asked.
"Pretty sure." Miss Rabbit, Fuzzy and Tim responded in unison.
"Yeah... sure..." Angel joined in. And the four walked off. Cutie looked from the group, to the portal. She blinked, realizing Hyper seems to be missing from the group.
Suddenly, Hyper Hamster.
"Hai!"
Cutie shrieked, but Hyper put a paw to her mouth.
"Sssshhhh..." He shushed.
Cutie was silent.
"I dunno about you, but I'm going in to help Pinkie. I only said I wasn't sure about going on an adventure because Fuzzy always says that. Wanna come with?" Hyper asked.
"...Uhm... sure..." Cutie replied, before swiftly being dragged by Hyper.
"PERFECTLETSGOSAVESOMEDELUSIONALS!" Hyper said hyperactively, and they both jumped in.
Weasel looked around, then at the portal. He thought something else just entered. He shrugged, and got back to pinpointing the location of Deadpool and Pinkie.
-----
Deadpool and Pinkie jumped out of the portal, and looked around. The place looked deserted. Really deserted. There was even a large, crumbled building there.
"Oh, look at that, it's a familiar thing." Deadpool pointed a finger at the destroyed building, then pointing at the finger he pointed with. "Oh, look, I have a finger. WaitWHUH!?"
"Is that what you normally look like?" Pinkie asked.
"Yeah, awesome isn't it!?"
"...Err... not really attractive to me..." Pinkie responded, backing away slightly.
"...Eh, ditto. You looked a lot more attractive to me about a minute ago." Deadpool admitted.
A growling sound was heard from somewhere. Deadpool and Pinkie looked to the source, and found a bald, shirtless man with red trousers, various tattoo markings, eyes kept open, and a mouth that looked like it had been sown shut, then ripped open at the end credits scene.
(I think you're in Earth Gavin-Hood.)
Shut up, Ed. I'm calling you Ed now.
"Uh, Wade," Pinkie began, "What do we do?"
"The thing I always think to do in case I ever meet my mortal enemy, Barakapool..."
Deadpool and Pinkie shuffled backwards briskly, into the re-opening portal quickly saying the following words...
"NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE..."
-----Meanwhile, back at the fields...-----
And that is why Nicolas Cage is getting closer to being the best actor, besides Jim Carrey.
[But he isn't entertaining...]
Oh, no you didn't.
{...He's getting... a machine gun? How does that work?}
[I'm running.]
{TAKE COVER CHIIIIIILD.}
Waitaminute... where are Deadpool and Pinkie?
{Somewhere else.}
We'd better go with them.
[...Okay.]
To be continued in the next issue.
[He-hey! Combining this segment with the 'to be continued' segment! Maybe you shouldn't have included this scene after all, it wasn't even hilarious.]
{Again, take cover, Child.}
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2dyP9atlu3Y
Issue #15: Welcome to New York City
Deadpool Vs. Equestria
Issue #15
Previously on Deadpool Vs Equestria...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gn-cCB9ZoOY
____________________________________________________
Deadpool and Pinkie landed on concrete. Deadpool looked around, and saw he was in a very familiar place. New York City. And he still had his fingers and toes back.
"YES!" Deadpool cried out in triumph. "I'm home, and I'm still human! In your FACE, Deathelocke!"
I'm sad now...
"This is New York City?" Pinkie said, while Deadpool, still admiring his city, was not that bothered with looking at her.
"Yeah, pretty much." Deadpool replied.
"Looks like Manehattan." She commented.
"Well, this is called Manhattan, so... yeah." Deadpool said, shrugging.
"Huh. Well, that's new." Pinkie said.
"Yes, whatever you're looking at is probably new, because this is Earth, and we use our hands. Horses are modes of transport." Deadpool explained, while feeling the ground, then reaching his arm down a sewer manhole.
"I heard they were used for sinister purposes on a land called '4chan.' I hear Discord created it."
"That image is clogging up space, Author." Deadpool commented.
Well, I thought it was funny.
"Well it's not." He retorted.
...
"IT'S NOT!"
Fine. Turn around.
"I will not turn around until I get on with the story." Deadpool said. "Now, Pinkie, what shall we say to the weirdoes walking around this city, because they'll find it weird whe- Huh. Well, that's new." He mused, upon turning around.
It appears Pinkie Pie has become Human Pinkie Pie. With frizzy hair, no tail, a purple T-shirt, jeans and stylish shoes.
"Hi!" Pinkie said, waving her hand, then admiring it for a second.
"..."
"Hello!" Pinkie tried.
"..."
"Greetings?"
"..."
"Good morning, jolly good fellow, indubitably..." Pinkie was getting kind of annoyed at his unresponsiveness.
{Damnit, now the shipping is inevitable.}
Not if I have anything to say about it.
[You have nothing to say about it.]
That's not true, I have one thing to say about that.
[Which is, what exactly?]
FFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-
{Deadpool regained his senses as the Author had a nervous breakdown.}
"Huh? Oh. Right. Well. Things are easier now," Deadpool said, "Now you fit in a bit easier... we might wanna straighten up your hair, though."
"I don't have any hair, except my mane." Pinkie replied.
"Which we call hair." Deadpool explained.
"Ooohhh, right," Pinkie understood. "Well, it's really difficult to get my ma- err, hair straightened. I tried it before going to the Grand Galloping Gala, just to see if it'd work, and I just didn't agree with it!"
"What's wrong with it?"
[Yeah, I bet she'd look hotter with straight hair. Most girls do.]
{ -.0 }
[But it's possible... we're both human.]
{That doesn't make her any more gettable than before. Now go back to fantasizing about human Rainbow Dash.}
[The other one does that, not me.]
{Shishkebab}
[Okay]
"Nothing. It just doesn't work." Pinkie said, shrugging. "So, where next?"
"Well, we should make a stop at my apartment, and then figure out what to show you in this place." Deadpool suggested.
"Sounds fun! I wonder if transition cuts work this time!"
*Two hours later*
Deadpool and Pinkie were walking along a street. Deadpool was wearing a WWE shirt, patriotic pants with the U.S.A flag all over them, and a baseball cap over his costume. Pinkie decided to wear what she was wearing when she first appeared on Earth, along with a parka.
"Are we going to watch wrestling or something?" Deadpool said, looking at his shirt, "I know it's a cliché joke, but I honestly do not remember buying this... at all."
"And I don't remember how I got into these clothes," Pinkie responded, "Which reminds me, why is everybody here wearing clothes? Usually clothes back home are for fashion."
"Well, there's a little thing called, er, Anti-Nudism," Deadpool explained. "Usually, people are discomforted when one's bare self is presented to everyone else. Even if they're only wearing underpants. Occasionally, we get the uncommon streaker, but that's kinda weird, and it's freaking cold without clothes.
"Oh, right," Pinkie said, sort of understanding, "It is kinda chilly. Do these humans at least party?"
"Of course they do. But most of them are after hours, really loud, and so out of hand that bad things happen, and they have to call the police in."
"Well, maybe I should organize a party here, Pinkie Pie style!"
"Yeah... I'm gonna call you something else..." Deadpool said, "There's a lotta bronies who'll think either that you're crazy or that they're crazy since they'll obviously think they're in a fan-fiction where human Pinkie Pie goes to planet Earth."
"Okie dokie!" Pinkie said, "Call me... Andrea Libman!"
{Uhm.}
"Or err... what are you, a superhero?" Pinkie asked.
"No. Mercenary. Frequent anti-hero. I said that." Deadpool explained.
"Well... since I can't think up a human name... besides that one, call me... Lady Deadpool, your sidekick!"
"We already have a Lady Deadpool from another dimension... and our comic was cancelled. STOP BRINGING UP BAD MEMORIES." Deadpool spontaneously yelled.
"What about... Surprise?" Pinkie asked.
[Can you fly?]
{No, she can't.}
[Then she can never be Surprise.]
Give Ponky time, yellow box. Or at least other fanfic writers some time to give him some time.
"It'll do." Deadpool said, shrugging.
*Thwip*
The WWE logo of Deadpool's shirt was now covered in webbing. Pinkie looked at it curiously.
"Expect a fight scene in three, tw-"
*Thwip Thwip*
Two lines of webbing were now attached to Deadpool. He felt the webs being tugged, and as he looked into the distance, he saw a familiar spandex-wearing hero aiming a double kick towards him.
"One." Deadpool finished, before being kicked to the ground by Spider-Man.
"I wasn't even doing anything bad." Deadpool complained on the ground, before standing up.
"Doesn't matter, Nick Fury thinks you were at some secret meeting that S.H.I.E.L.D found out about." Spider-Man said back.
"Er. Why was I never informed of this?" Deadpool asked.
"Well, that's what I'm here to find about, Deadpool," Spider-Man said, before looking to Pinkie. "You might wanna step outta the way, ma'am."
"I might, but I don't!" Pinkie replied with a grin on her face.
"...Err... right. Seriously, you might get hurt." He said, trying to reason with her.
"I might, but I might not! Now, you two have a little fight scene, and I'll go bring some popcorn!"
Spider-Man was dumbfounded. He looked to Deadpool.
"Is she your sister from crazy-town or something? Her weird speaking resonating in my brain reminds me of you. Except less gravelly."
"I went dimension-hopping, I guess..." Deadpool said, shrugging. "Remember that comic series where I had a team of me's from other dimensions?"
"No." Spider-Man replied, shaking his head.
"Well... it's kinda like that," Deadpool said, "Which is probably also why you thought I was at that swap meet."
"Villain meet." Spidey corrected.
"Whatever, I never liked fleas." Deadpool retorted.
"I got the popcorn!" Pinkie says, now holding two boxes of popcorn, with her arms wrapped around them. "Am I holding these right?"
"I get the feeling you're lying, Deadpool." Spider-Man accused.
"I get the feeling you're voiced by Drake Bell who spoofed you in Superhero Movie, Spider-Man." Deadpool accused. "Seriously, though, good series so far, you remind me of me."
Pinkie started walking around, asking people if they had CD players with them.
"And who is that?" Spider-Man asked, pointing to her.
"Oh, her?" Deadpool began, "That's Andrea Libman."
"Doesn't look like Andrea Libman."
"But how do you know Andrea Libman?"
"She's the- she was on X-Files." Spider-Man said uncertainly.
"..."
"..."
"..."
"..."
"...I'll let it slide, because I recently found out Weasel was one of you fellas. That there is the human Pinkie Pie."
"...Er. What?" Spidey was confused, mostly by how Deadpool knew of the colourful magical things he (as Peter Parker) searched on occasionally (Blame goes to Flash Thompson), but also how he managed to get one of the characters from that show to here.
"I blame Weasel." Deadpool said. "And Author, for thinking this thing up."
{Suddenly, Pinkie Pie.}
"Hi, Featherweight! I didn't know you found your way here too!" Pinkie said to Spidey.
Spidey looked as if he was about to faint from this. Deadpool, deciding Spidey had lost enough manliness points, decided to let him keep his reputation as Spider-Man, instead of Spider-Boy, and promptly punched him in the face so he fell unconscious faster.
"To be continued." Deadpool said.
But I was enjoying writing this!
-----
To be continued... in the next issue... ffggh.
{I know what'll cheer you up.}
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9LHe8dbI2dk
*Has left the room by now*
{Lulz}
Issue #16: Wind-Down
Deadpool Vs. Equestria
Issue #16
Previously on Deadpool Vs. Equestria
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ztVMib1T4T4
And now the weather. Scattered showers-
_________________________________________________
Spider-Man opened his eyes, and looked at his surroundings. He was in some sort of apartment. One side was rather messy, the other side looked like there had been a little bit of work done. In fact, he saw a woman sorting out the apartment. After rubbing his eyes, he realized that it was Pinkie Pie... in... human form. He was still rather uncomfortable with that knowledge. And god knows where Deadpool's off to.
Pinkie turned around to look at him.
"Oh, hi Featherweight, how are ya?" She asked.
"...Uh... my name's Spider-Man..." He replied.
"...Huh, maybe names work a bit differently in this world."
Although Peter had dabbled a bit on the fandom, he had watched only some of the episodes... maybe about 7. So he had no idea Featherweight was a character.
He suddenly heard a lot of laughter from the other room.
"...I'd say that's Deadpool, but that doesn't sound like him..." Spider-Man commented.
"Deadpool's watching YouTube." Pinkie replied, shrugging.
"..He's... watching YouTube..." Spider-Man said.
"Yep!"
"An act that requires only moving one's wrist..."
"Yeah?"
"And you're out here cleaning his room, doing the hard work, while he's doing that?"
"Oh, we're waiting for something I organized, we're doing what we're doing because we're bored and need something to pass the time, and frankly, you were making a good decoration too. Like one of those bear thingies you find on the floor!"
"Uh huh... and what is this thing you organized?" Spidey asked.
"What else... but a PARTY!?"
"...Uh... you just got here... so err... You might not know how to use that body as well as your usual one... so... things might be difficult."
"Just a minute, Feather," Pinkie said, before calling to Deadpool, "Wadey, did you look at what I suggested?"
"Hell no, I'm not a fan!" He yelled back.
"But it's the same guy you're watching, and he's not a fan either!"
"Well, why didn't you say so?"
"I did, you just wanted to go on about how godly Cry's laughter is!"
A bit of silence.
"...Oh. Right. Is the kid awake?" Deadpool asked.
"Yup!" She replied.
Deadpool teleported into the room, and looked at Spidey.
Spidey looked at him.
Spidey got creeped out by his constant staring.
"Don't make a 'Marvel lost the right 20 years ago joke,' I'm pretty sure they owned only Transformers that time, definitely not this, now look what's happened! DISNEY HAS BOUGHT NOT ONLY MARVEL, BUT STAR WARS! WHAT'S NEXT!? MICKEY WAN KENOBI!? LUKE SKYWALKER IN KINGDOM HEARTS!? AGH!"
Spidey was mildly surprised by Deadpool's outburst. He was just used to the fact he would have outbursts like these.
"Anyway, who wants Chimichangas?" Deadpool asked.
"I thought you were gonna look at that thing I told you to watch," Pinkie said, "You should do it now before you forget."
"That can wait, Pinks." Deadpool said.
"Pwweeeeaaaaase?" Pinkie said, giving him the puppy dog eyes, while holding a picture of a cat in a wrestling mask.
"Alright, fine..." Deadpool said, quickly averting his eyes. "But that picture is deadly, you must dispose of it at once." He then teleported back into the room he was in previously.
"What're you making him watch?" Spidey asked.
Pinkie Pie grinned.
-----
{No, Cry, don't go down the hole, DON'T!}
[AIIE! SCARY PINKIE!]
Haah. Amigara.
-----
Deadpool poked his head through the door, after watching the video. Pinkie had a huge grin on her face, a grin that was impossible by human standards. He looked at Spider-Man.
"Aaaand... what're you still doing there?" He asked.
"Making sure you're don't do anything you shouldn't." Spidey replied.
"Why wouldn't I? I do that all the time. I'm even doing such things right now."
"Which means... what exactly?" Spidey felt as though he was going to have to hurt him soon if he didn't make his intentions clear.
"I'm helping organize a party, Pinkie Pie Style. It's never happened on Earth. And we're gonna survive it." Deadpool explained.
"And you're helping... why?" Spidey asked.
Deadpool walked through the door he was looking out of. He shrugged. Then, he walked back in, and poked his head through again. "She wanted to see Earth, I guess."
"This party's gonna be SUPER!" Pinkie exclaimed ecstatically. "I never had a party in a different body before, this is gonna be fun!"
"And why did you want to go to Earth?" Spidey asked Pinkie.
"I dunno. Just felt like it." Pinkie said, shrugging.
"So, Spidey... feel like attending?" Deadpool asked. "You could be the guy we go to to walk all over you figuratively as we ask you to do a lot of things. Maybe even let us walk all over you literally. I could stand on your skull."
"...What?" Spidey asked, not sure if he heard Deadpool correctly.
"Do you wanna help organize the party?" Pinkie translated.
"No, I have more important things to do." Spidey said.
"Then... why are you here?" Deadpool asked, not really grasping one little bit of reason out of this, so much that he walked through the door and didn't bother to go back in the other room.
"Because you're the nearest threat, and I'm just waiting for you to attack something."
"Well, that's kinda rude!" Pinkie said. "There's probably a vampiric sabre-toothed tiger outside attacking innocent civillians, and you're gonna ignore the possibilities?"
"Vampiric sabre-toothed tigers aren't possible..." Spidey responded, groaning, "Sabre-tooths are extinct anyway."
"Vampiric sabre-toothed tigers..." Deadpool pondered, "That means there are hipster robots outside... we're in Scribblenauts, aren't we?"
"Yeah, but seriously..." Pinkie began, "You should really go, you're not doing anything for the story anymore, you were really just a last-minute idea."
Spider-Man looked at Deadpool, then Pinkie Pie, and facepalmed. "Fine, go ahead, just make sure you don't kill or maim anyone, Deadpool." And with that he opened the window and jumped out.
*Thwip*
"So err..." Deadpool began, "What now?"
"Well, now that he's gone, I'm gonna go look for some clothes to wear for the party!" She said, casually walking into the next room.
....Suddenly, Pinkie Pie. Appearing right in front of Deadpool.
"Agh(!)" Deadpool said, mildly surprised, but more freaked out by her sudden appearance. She was pointing an accusing finger at him.
"No peeking." She warned, before walking back into the other room, closing the door behind her, and locking it consecutively. Deadpool almost swore he heard a giggle after the locking.
[But I want to-]
{No.}
[But she-]
{Nope.}
[I-]
{CONFOUND IT, YOU'RE GOING TO GET US KILLED WITH THAT ATTITUDE, WE HAVE NO IDEA WHAT PINKIE PIE IS CAPABLE OF, DEMON.}
...
...
...
...
[Theoretically speaki-]
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gvdf5n-zI14
-----
To be continued in the next issue!
[autr pls]
qiut yrlw boxx i tyrn do m ocupatin.
[I WANT TO LOOK! AGH!]
I used the entire nope.avi video. What part of NO! Don't you understand!?
[THIS SUCKS!]
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eal4fep7pK4
[...Okaybye]
Issue #17: So Much Pressure
Deadpool Vs. Equestria
Issue #17
Previously on Deadpool Vs. Equestria...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qVl3J5L0d98
{That was rather long winded.}
[No peeking.]
You're still on about that?
[...]
...Fine, commence Anime perverted scene.
[Yaaaaaaaay!]
But seriously. Don't do that. I'm only doing this because it's funny.
[...Yaaaay...]
Okay, fine, now you have to wait. Let's see what's going on in Equestria, shall we?
[Shalln't we?]
________________________________________________________________
Fluttershy marched through the fields, following Angel Bunny. Angel told her about Deadpool and Pinkie going through a portal created by Weasel, and she wished to find out what was going on. She made it to his house, and knocked on the door. It was soon answered by Weasel.
"Oh... hi, Fluttershy... what brings you here?" He asked.
"Um... Angel told me that... um.. Pinkie and Wade went through... some sort of contraption you created..." She explained.
"Ohh... that... well... I was just getting ready to follow them, see..." He said.
"Oh... can I come?" Fluttershy asked.
"Uh... why d'you wanna come?"
"I-i need to make sure Pinkie's alright... you know, just in case wherever they've gone is... um... unpleasant..."
"Right... well, she wanted to go to Wade's home world, and that can be pretty dangerous..."
Fluttershy gasped, "I need to get there now! Angel thinks some of my pets have gone with them!" She rushed past Weasel. He closed the door, and ran after her.
"Slow down!" He called. Fluttershy was already stationary, in front of the portal.
"I-is it through that?" She asked.
"Yeah." Weasel replied.
Fluttershy took a deep breath, and exhaled... "A hop... skip... and a jump!" She recited, before jumping through the portal.
Weasel looked at Angel Bunny, who glared at him, pointing at the portal.
"Uh... sure, right away!" Weasel said, before jumping through the portal.
'Sheesh...' Angel groaned, 'I wonder why I do these things for them...' He then jumped through as well.
-----
Deadpool sat on a couch, looking around. His fingers were grasping the seat of the couch very tightly.
[Insert perverted argument here.]
{Insert morally true arguement here.}
[Insert perverted argument here.]
{Insert morally true arguement here.}
[Insert perverted argument here.]
{Insert morally true arguement here.}
[Insert perverted argument here.]
{Insert morally true arguement here.}
[Insert perverted argument here.]
{Insert morally true arguement here.}
[Insert perverted argument here.]
{Insert morally true arguement here.}
[Insert perverted argument here.]
{Insert morally true arguement here.}
[Insert perverted argument here.]
{Insert morally true arguement here.}
[Insert perverted argument here.]
{Insert morally true arguement here.}
[Insert perverted argument here.]
{Insert morally true arguement here.}
[Insert perverted argument here.]
{Insert morally true arguement here.}
[Insert perverted argument here.]
{Insert morally true arguement her-}
"SHADDAP!" Deadpool yelled, cringing into a foetal position. "It isn't right to spy on ze guest." He said with an accent intended to alleviate him of the stress.
{The Author said it was okay. I just have to disapprove of what happens, but I can do nothing to stop them.}
"Can't you try?"
{Nope.}
"Shit."
...
"Oh, right. Naughty words are back. SWEET!"
[Now do naughty peeking.]
"Who the hell do you think I am, Norman Bates?" Deadpool asked.
[Bea Arthur commands you.]
"You're making it up... ALL OF IT!"
{No, they're not... it is I, Bea Arthur!}
"You sound like Grampy. And I thought you disapproved.
{My curiosity has risen, and needs to be sated.}
"..." Deadpool facepalmed.
Well, go on. We don't have all day. Party is beginning soon.
"Then I'll wait for it." He decided.
{You hate waiting.}
"Fuck."
Deadpool sat up, and got off the couch. He looked around the room, and how half of it is tidy, and the other half is just how he left it. He took a deep breath, and tip-toed over to the door Pinkie went inside to change her clothes. Really, it was pointless to be stealthy about this, because the floor was way too creaky.
{We need a new apartment.}
[We need our exploding chair back.]
{No.}
Deadpool stood by the door, and stood by it for a while. He began twiddling his thumbs.
{Wwwwwweeeeelllllll?}
{Stop speaking like me, or I'll kick your ass.}
{You haven't a foot, and I haven't an ass.}
{I can see why you'd be jealous then.}
[...Shut up...]
{...Wade. Don't chicken out.}
You did say we didn't know what she was capable of... why should I peek?
{Author, stop making Wade apprehensive about these things. After all, he slept with someone in another dimension. The Marvel Zombies dimension. And she turned into a zombie later.}
LET ME WRITE HOW I WANT TO WRITE.
[No.]
Okay.
Deadpool inhaled quietly, and hesitantly looked through the peephole.
{We need a bigger peephole. I can't see shit.}
-----Alternate Ending-----
[Huh?]
{Thank you, Author.}
Deadpool inhaled quietly, and hesitantly looked through the peephole.
He saw Pinkie in a sleeveless halter top and panties coloured similar to her pony form's pink coat, and had her cutie mark embroidered on it, examining herself in the mirror, apparently admiring her human form. She felt her hair a little bit, and nodded, satisfied with how it is.
[Told you this was a good idea.]
Ugh.
{What?}
Why are you making me do this.
Pinkie looked thoughtful for a moment, then started rubbing her skin. She looked a little freaked out at first, but then grinned and giggled. Apparently, feeling skin was fun. She stood up and started rubbing her bare legs. She then fell on her back when she tried to feel her feet.
{Ouch.}
She sat up, and rubbed her back. She was still for a moment, then stood up, and stretched, cracking her backbones' joints, then let out a drawn out sigh of relief.
[Do we have a rewind button? I know that was a bit unpleasant to see, but convert it to MP3 audio? Jackpot.]
She looked to the mirror, and raised an eyebrow. She seemed to scowl, which made Deadpool shrink away from the peephole.
[Aaaand what do you think you're doing?]
Something's wrong. Terribly wrong.
That's... one of my lines.
I thought that was my line.
Off with you, Deathelocke, I'll work on the Recluse when I feel like it.
Time passed.
Deadpool didn't feel like peeking anymore.
Time marched on.
Nothing seemed to happen.
[Okay. Now look.]
No.
[Yes.]
Alrighty.
Deadpool looked through the peephole, and was met with a blue eye peeking through at his eye.
{ABANDON THREAD!}
...
{ABANDON DOOR!}
Deadpool attempted to use his belt's teleportation doo-hickey to get away quick, but, conveniently, the teleporter malfunctioned, letting out a sort of mini-explosion, not completely destroying it, but knocking him far back and making it quite obvious he was there.
The door was kicked open, and Pinkie Pie walked through, now wearing a black motorcycle leather jacket and pants. Interestingly, she was looking rather pale. Also interestingly, her mane was really, really straight. She would have been admired by Deadpool for looking rather hot, but there was something even more interesting than how she was looking right now.
She was wielding a chainsaw, with a crazed grin on her face.
{This was your idea.}
[Why the hell does she have a chainsaw?]
{That was also your idea.}
-----
To be continued in the next issue!
...
...
...
It seems the caption boxes are as busy as Deadpool is, trying to keep away from Pinkamena and her chainsaw. So I shall place some fitting music, as sung by Pinkie Pie herself! Don't be alarmed by the picture. You're not watching the video it looks like. Just hearing her sing. Muahahahahaha.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=me4gL8SuEJI
Issue #18: A Love Song for You
Deadpool Vs. Equestria
Issue #18
Previously on Deadpool Vs. Equestria...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xFtOcj6nyfg
[...]
Well, it's accurate.
{I blame society for what has become of us.}
[Why didn't you use American Psycho 2? After all, the killer in that one was a girl, so it was match the events of last issue.]
{...}
...
{...}
...
{...}
...
{...}
...
{...}
...
{BAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!}
...
{...?}
...
{...}
...
{...}
My knee hurts...
________________________________________________________
New York City. The streets were filled with as many people as expected. And, incidentally, there are heroes and villains killing each other too. Good, good. Everything is normal.
Meanwhile, and more interestingly, two little animals scurry through the pavements, being careful not to get stepped on by the civillians. They stopped at an apartment building. Cutie Mouse looked to Hyper Hamster.
"..Uh... how's your 'psychic' powers coming along?" Cutie asked, even though Hyper's psychic predictions so far had been pointless and untrue.
"I'm thinking... I'm thinking..." Hyper repeated.
"Thinking..."
Cutie's eyes drooped a little, as she was starting to get bored...
"EUREKA!"
Cutie shrieked after Hyper's loud proclamation.
Hyper looked around for a pipe to climb up. He ran up and down, and indeed, found a pipe. He looks over to Cutie.
"I think this is a bad idea," Hyper admitted, "So we have to go through here, or we've done this for nothing."
"I don't like bad ideas..." Cutie squeaked.
"Look on the bright side... I'm fluffy." Hyper said with a grin.
"...And?" Cutie asked, confusedly.
"...That's it... I thought you were interested in fluffiness..."
"...You seem furrier than fluffy."
"Fluff overrules fur. I think. ...This conversation is over." Hyper decided before crawling up. Cutie followed him.
As Cutie was nearly up, she heard Hyper yell something,
"And now I'm at the room! It seems okay!" He called out.
Oh, thank goodness... it's nothing too dangero-
Hyper let out a terrified scream, which, unexpectedly, wasn't girly.
...my bad...
-----
Deadpool's dismembered head was on a mantelpiece, watching as Pinkamena repeatedly beat his seperated body with a metal bat.
{This was your idea, Yellow Box.}
[But we needed to... the fans demanded it!]
{Yes. And now we're in a stupid situation.}
[Think of the happiest song you know...]
{Okay...
Faces filled with joy and cheer,
What a magical time of year,
Howdy-ho it's Weasel Stomping Daaaaayyyyyyyy-}
[No.]
{You try one.}
[*Ahem*
Dead Puppies...
Dead Puppies...
Dead Puppies aren't much fun...]
{That's sad.}
[You know... you're right.]
{Deadpool, apologize before this chapter gets clogged with our singing.}
"Sorry." Deadpool said monotonously. Pinkamena kept attacking his body. "Well, gentlemen, I tried."
[Try again.]
"I am an apologetic dismemberment to society." Deadpool said.
"That you are." Pinkamena replied as she hit his body in the stomach with the bat.
"There is something wrong with the economy that makes me feel bad for myself and good for others. Especially you." Deadpool attempted.
"Good for you." She answered back.
"Nice I'm weather we're sorry having?"
"Good apology weather today denied, I agree."
[What the hell was that?]
I tried to fit 'I'm Sorry' into 'Nice weather we're having,' but it seems she fit 'Apology denied' into 'Good weather today, I agree.'
{You're stupid.}
But you're me.
{Yeah, but...}
"Can you find it within thyself to forgive me?" Deadpool asked.
"No."
"Yes."
"No."
"Yes."
"No."
"Yes."
{Fun fact. The Author originally had a joke where it got kinda hard to tell who was speaking, and so I would tell you something about it. However, he pressed the refresh button without saving, so all that is lost, because he can't remember it.}
Why did you tell them?
{Why shouldn't I?}
"Please forgive me. Pleeeaaase?" Deadpool asked.
"NO!" Pinkamena yelled.
{It is time to bring out the big guns.}
My brain feels hijacked.
"LOVE. IT IS SO FAR AWAAAY. OH WHAT!? CAN I SAY? ABOUT LOVE? OOOOOHHH LOVE."
[Lulz.]
"IT'S GOT FOUR LETTERS. TWO OF THEM ARE VOWELS. TWO OF THEM ARE REALLY FREAKIN' WEIRD! BECAUSE LOVE."
{...I... don't know what to think of this...}
"IT STARTS WITH AN L. AND ENDS WITH AN E. AND IT HAS AN O AND A V IN THE MIDDLE. GIRL I LOVE YOOOOOOOU."
{...This Cry is the best bad influence on us.}
"IT IS SO TRUE BECAUSE YOU KNOW GIRL. YOU MAKE ME SMIIIIIIILE. OH, LOVE."
[It's kinda sad Pinkie's reaction has to wait until he finishes singing.]
"IT'S THE GREATEST THING. IT'S LIKE A DIAMO- no, too soon... err... BLIDELBLADHYBLAH, WITH A BOX OF CHOCOLATES, GIRL! YOU'RE REALLY GREAT! YOU'RE SO PRETTAY."
{Now, I am getting kinda bored.}
"I DON'T KNOW WHAT I CAN DO WITH-OUCH'YOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUULOVE! I LOVE IT TOO. HOW CAN YOU LOVE LOVE? BECAUSE LOVE IS LOVE! OH, CONUNDRUM WHAT!? AUH! I DON'T KNOW WHAT ELSE T' SAY! SO I'M GONNA END THIS SONG TODAY! BECAUSE LOVE. GOOOOOOEEEES ON! TOOOOOOODAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!"
[Finally. We get to see Pinkie's reaction.]
...
...
...
{Author.}
Huh? What? Oh. Right. Sorry.
Pinkamena was staring at Deadpool's head with a blank and confused expression. Deadpool continued looking at her. Awkward silences ensued.
[Um. Awkwaaaaaaard.]
Pinkamena's hair exploded into fluffiness, and a happy grin appeared on Pinkie's face, and she began laughing hysterically.
[...Yeah, I wasn't following the plan in this, neither was White Box, what was your plan again?]
Make 'em laugh.
Pinkie continued her giggling for a while, eventually she calmed down. "Funniest thing I've ever heard! Okay, you're forgiven, here ya go!" She then picked up his head, and shoved it into Deadpool's neck, and the wounds began to close.
"Alright then, we've got about one hour to get to the party! I better change into something less evil. Without PEEKING!" Pinkie requested. "Now, are there any missing things, or problems needing taken care of?"
"There is one." Deadpool said.
"And what might that be, Mister Wilson?" Pinkie asked, now with a monocle and fake moustache. "It's mustache." ...MUSTACHE.
"You put my head on the wrong way." Deadpool briefly explained.
"Oh, silly me! Guess we'll have to fix that!" Pinkie said, brandishing her chainsaw again, before hearing a rather manly, bloodcurdling scream. They looked around, and saw a hamster looking at Deadpool, then Pinkie, and her chainsaw.
"Oh hai Hyper!" Pinkie greeted.
-----
To be continued in the next issue!
agnao;gnao;gl;anbglangap'gaoe;pahgp[r
What. Sometimes I must let go of today and be happy for one. GOT A PROBLEM!?
{Yes.} [Yes.]
*File: Caption Boxes moved to Recycle Bin*
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yu_RmSJxtUE
Issue #19: Transitions
Deadpool Vs Equestria
Issue #19
Previously on Deadpool Vs. Equestria...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rAJ8_ctOErc
"I'm not a little girl. I'm a hamster."
[Oh, sorry, Hyper. Are you a girl hamster?]
"No. I am not. Now, please cease thy speakings, before I cause bodily harm to you."
[I'd like to see you try.]
{No you wouldn't.}
[Huh?]
{Trust me.}
__________________________________________________________________________________
Deadpool and Pinkie sat on chairs, opposite Cutie Mouse and Hyper Hamster, who stood on chairs. Deadpool twiddled his thumbs. Pinkie studied the thumb twiddling, and decided to copy him. She grinned, finding this somewhat fun, and began thumb twiddling at a very fast rate. Cutie looked at what used to be the tidy side of the house, noting only a few things were organised. Hyper studied Deadpool and Pinkie's hands. Deadpool stopped twiddling his thumbs, and said,
"Uh... why are we here and why are we doing this?"
"I thought the Author wanted us to be in an awkward explanation scene, like when a dad has to tell the kids about his new girlfriend moving in with them!" Pinkie said.
"...I think our time for the party just became more pressed... we really need to hurry now."
"We can get there with the power of transitions!" Pinkie exclaimed.
*Insert distracting transition of Deadpool and Pinkie walking from the left side of the screen to walking off the right side in a psychedelic background here.*
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=608lw05fXmk
Not close enough...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RZGGU4iJ918
...Whaaaaaaaaaaat? Whhhhyyyyyyyyyyy?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wi0ggwPxfIU
..........................It'll do. I hope someone makes something like what I requested.
-----
Deadpool, Pinkie, Hyper and Cutie looked around the place. Deadpool looked at Pinkie, and noticed something entirely different about her.
"You're a pony again." He commented.
"Huh? This isn't the party..." Pinkie said.
"Too many transitions, maybe." Deadpool hypothesized.
"Yep. Too many." Pinkie uttered, looking straight at her. Deadpool looked at whatever she was looking at. They were back in X-Men Origins, in front of Barakapool.
{YOU SHOULD HAVE STUCK WITH THE NOSTALGIA CRITIC'S TRANSITION!}
"NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE!" Deadpool and Pinkie repeated, backing away briskly.
*Insert transition here*
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=opU5L1tQ-tE
[NONONONONO STOP STOP STOP WHAT IS THIS ARRGH!]
{I approve of this.}
[ARE YOU CRAZY IT'S RICKR-... Wait, whuh???]
{It's like Rickroll. But good. And people came to find this video on purpose.}
[But anyone who hasn't seen the video... might think this is a Rickroll, correct?]
{Maybe, but if that's the case, they just need to avoid clicking the thing.}
[You're rather smart, you know that?]
{I do like to think I am. Indubitably.}
[CULTURED DIIIII-]
{I get the feeling I'm supposed to know what you're going to say.}
[...Forget it...]
-----
Deadpool and Pinkie Pie ended up inside a warehouse. A very clean warehouse. Lights were reflected off a disco ball on the ceiling, and there were large speakers sitting on a stage. They were currently playing nothing. Absolutely nothing. You lose, good day sir. Pinkie noticed that she was human again, and that Hyper Hamster and Cutie Mouse were hiding in her hair.
"No-one's here." Deadpool commented.
"Uh-huh!" Pinkie replied.
"...Why?" Deadpool asked.
"I didn't give out any invitations whatsoever!" Pinkie responded.
"......Why?"
"I don't know anybody in Manhattan!"
"...Okay. What now?"
"Now we attract the ears of fellow partiers by switching on the Speakers!" Pinkie runs up to the speakers, and switches them on.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eAw6v1j4KIo
"Well... this is interesting." Deadpool said.
Pinkie's mane flattened. "I feel like I know where this comes from, but it depresses me." Deadpool looked at the sky expecting to find me laughing at him, but although I wasn't laughing, I was nowhere to be found either. I wouldn't tell him there was another favourite fic I had.
"I heard that."
No you didn't.
Pinkamena suddenly kicked the stereo, expecting it to change the song. When it didn't, she snarled, walked over to the CD player, and violently pressed the eject button, and nearly breaking it. With almost as much momentum as when she attacked the eject button, the disc left the player. Pinkamena picked it up, and threw it at the ground.
[She threw it at the ground.]
{Oh, shut up, we haven't heard that song yet.}
[Whatever, I don't want to be attacked by her when she's as angry as that.]
{You do realize that we all were? When you convinced Wade to peek?}
[There were benefits to this.]
"Don't worry, Pinks, I know exactly what'll get people coming here!" Deadpool exclaimed, finally showing some insanity in this issue, besides that time he said he heard me.
"I heard that too!"
No, no, NO. Shut up.
"Okay..."
"What's gonna get the party started?" Pinkamena asked.
Deadpool teleported next to the CD player, and inserted a CD.
{Oh. I just know what song he's using. Only the most popular song.}
[Gangnam Style?]
{What else?}
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VpnuubCJjCU
[...Um... Well... that?]
{THIS DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE. WHY WOULD YOU HAVE BOY BAND MUSIC!?}
Because it's catchy, and it's Deadpool. Surely you, his head voices, would know this by now.
*THUMP*
{...I hear a lot of commotion outside... and I don't hear cheering.}
"Did you just summon a gorrilla with that music?" Pinkie asked.
Screams were heard outside.
Then something crashed through the wall. Something green.
"Oh, no, not that." Deadpool said, facepalming.
{Our worst enemy... I think...}
"DOINK THE CLOWN!?" Deadpool yelled.
[You're hallucinating.]
"Oh." He stopped hallucinating. "OH! OH GOD, WHAT!?"
"HULK SMASH!"
"...Meep." Pinkie meeped.
The Hulk scratched his head, then snarled. "HULK NOT LIKE TALKING MAN'S MUSIC!"
-----
To be continued in the next issue!
{BUT I WANNA SEE WHAT HAPPENS!}
Next time.
[But I wanna see what terrible transitions you can come up with!]
Oh, terrible, are they? Well, look at this.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M3iOROuTuMA
{...Okay... this was just an effort to block the tiring day out, wasn't it?}
Issue #20: A Smashing Issue
Deadpool Vs. Equestria
Issue #20
Previously on Deadpool vs. Equestria...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3AORKWkN3-c
[That's not really what happened, is it?]
{You don't believe us? Take a look for yourself.}
_____________________________________________________________
Deadpool looked at the Hulk. Pinkie looked at Deadpool and the Hulk. Hulk looked at Deadpool.
"Well... hi the-" Deadpool said, before being grabbed by the ankle, and slammed repeatedly into the ground, with Pinkie watching with her hands cupped to her mouth. To say the least, the entire thing was very surprising. And painful to watch.
{I could watch it all day.}
[True. But you have to watch it happen to Loki.]
"Father?" Deadpool asked out of nowhere.
{Why do we bother.}
Deadpool used his teleporter to have him stand quickly. At least, he would have, had this not been his third time in a row. Meaning...
*Fzzt* *BOOM*
"Curses. Foiled again." Deadpool said, standing up.
{You don't have to say that.}
Yes he does.
[AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!]
{FOR THE LAST TIME, THERE IS NO STORY THAT DOESN'T RECEIVE UNEXPLAINED DISLI-}
[THAT OTHER DEADPOOL STORY GOT CANCELLED! DAMN IT DAMN IT DAMN IT DAMN!]
{...Huh?}
[YOU KNOW. THAT 'OTHER' DEADPOOL STORY WITH THE DIMENSION HOPPING!]
{...Oh, that?}
[WHAT DO YOU MEAN 'Oh that!?' THIS IS THE WORST.
POSSIBLE.
THING!]
{Screw off, you tool, it got rebooted.}
[It did??? YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!]
...
...
[...Wait, I'm a tool?]
"Back to the story at hand..." Deadpool interrupted his head voices. He felt around his leg, and, to his surprise, didn't feel any holsters.
[That's weird. You're supposed to have a Vector sub-machine gun on ya.]
{One, he's wearing patriot pants and a WWE shirt. In other words, civillian clothing. Two, WHY CAN'T HE USE A MAGIC SATCHEL!?}
I don't think he uses it as often now.
{So?}
...Fine.
Deadpool reached behind his back for his katanas, and pulled out them out.
Deadpool blinked, and had a look at his 'katanas.'
...
...
...
...
"On closer inspection, these are rulers."
Deadpool scratched his head, with some his fingers letting go of one ruler to let them scratch. He got the feeling something was laughing at him.
He looked behind him, and Pinkie was trying very hard to stifle some giggles... but failed at that, and burst out in laughter, falling down and rolling on her sides.
[...Uh. Improvise.]
"...Uh... I measure your time of dea-" Deadpool thought for a moment, becoming pretty sure Pinkie wouldn't be all that comfortable with him killing everything. "I... measure your time of defeat is... one centimetre long..."
{You could have used that to insult the Hulk's junk like all vain mercenaries do.}
"I'm vain?" Deadpool asked himself.
[Remember you went around Ponyville singing that certain LMFAO song? Sexy and you 'think' it?]
"Sounds like me, but I don't remember that."
{Other Deadpool.}
[Really? I kinda remember that one well. Unless I was laughing a lot.]
"Is it me, or is this chapter becoming more dialogue oriented at the best moment to have a fight sc-" Deadpool began, before being picked up and thrown into a wall by the Hulk. He held on tight to his rulers so he didn't lose them. He got up, took a moment to crack his spine joints, then his neck, before looking at the Hulk, who looked angry. What else?
"In this battle..." Deadpool began... "We utilize... THE METRIC SYSTEM! TAKE NOTES!"
{And you couldn't have thought that up before?}
Shaddap.
The Hulk charged at him, while Deadpool jumped into the air, using one of the rulers to hit him in the back of the head. Hulk growled in pain, and jumped high into the air, intending to land on him.
[Not again.]
The Hulk landed in Deadpool's general area. He stood up to punch the red merc... but found only a WWE shirt and patriot pants, both rather crumpled and messy, along a pair of rulers. The Hulk was confused and scratched his head, wondering where the talking man went.
"MERC'S REVENGE!"
Deadpool was a few feet above the Hulk, and he was firing two machine pistols at the Hulk's general area. Due to the Hulk's durability, they didn't injure him, but the amount of bullets, along with their velocity, was pushing him down and causing slight pain. When Deadpool landed, he continued firing his guns, in a 360 degree thingy. After this, he teleported onto Hulk's back, and covered his eyes, leaving the Hulk blinded.
"TALKING MAN STOP BEFORE HULK BREAK YOU!"
"Nope." Deadpool said, before being grabbed, and held in front of Hulk. "Oh."
Hulk reached his fist back to punch him.
{How did you get out of almost being squished again?}
Teleport. Why?
[You've done that twice now.]
"Hey, you're right!"
Hulk became momentarily confused at Deadpool's random outburst. Pinkie just shrugged at a wall. Hulk then slammed his fist into Deadpool's face.
*Fzzt* *KABLOOEY*
Instead of a little short circuit, Deadpool's belt exploded entirely. Apparently, this was designed to be accidental, and fate was punishing him for trying to use his misgivings to good use. Either that, or he's used it too much. Anyway. Deadpool was thrown backwards by the explosion. And so was Hulk. Pinkie wasn't, she wasn't in the vicinity, but she was certainly worried for Deadpool's safety. And the ground suffered a little bit more. But that's not important... IS BOOMER OKAY!?
AGH! WRONG BOOMER!
Nevertheless... that's cool...I guess...
{Oi. Let's get back to your story. You haven't updated us in a while.}
[Or The Recluse.]
{Or Deadlights, which you have to work on. They demand it. I think.}
[Or Pennywise.]
{That's complete, moron.}
[It is? ... But... I thought he said there'd be more?]
{Deadlights is the upcoming sequel, I thought you knew that!}
[...Okay... what about The Deceased House?]
[What?]
I thought you said you wanted me to continue this story?
{Continue.}
Hyper and Cutie looked at this scene. Their faces were those of astoundation. {That's not a word.} Then Hyper had one thing to say.
"Why do these things not happen in Equestria?" He asked Cutie.
"Because... uhm... Equestria's... more peaceful?" She answered.
"Huh. I guess when those two 20-somethings who sang 'Whole New World' hadn't really manage to go to a new world." Hyper joked.
"That's one of my favourite songs..." Cutie commented.
"I like the Author's hairdo."
{HEY, HOLD ON, WAIT!}
What?
{HE CAN'T DO THAT! HE'S TECHNICALLY AN OC! HE SHOULDN'T GET TO DO THIS!}
...Okay. Now I know and knowing is half the battle, G.I No, Marvel lost the rights 20 years go, can we please continue this?
"...Sorry, what was that?" Cutie asked.
"I said I really like your fur!" He replied. "I think!"
"O-oh.. um... thank you..." She shakily replied.
"Now let's see how the weird red guy is doing now!" Hyper said, looking forward. It appeared the Hulk had jumped out, as Deadpool was doing some sort of victory dance and song. And his costume was slightly torn, so it was quite visible that he was wearing boxers with hearts on them. {Cliché.} Nevertheless, he kept dancing.
"I was bangin' 7 gram rocks, that's how I roll, WINNING!
I have one gear, go! EPIC WINNING!
Am I bi-polar? I'm Bi-WINNING!
Win here, win there, WIN WIN everywhere, where..."
{Shame.}
"Huh?" Deadpool asked himself.
{Shame.}
"Why? I won!" Deadpool declared. "I think!"
{No, the winning pony is Cloud Kicker. Keep that in mind.}
"Who?"
[Wow, I'm not getting a chance to speak. LOOK OVER THERE.]
Deadpool looked where he assumed the Yellow caption box was pointing, and saw a Taco Stand outside.
"Mm! I could definitely do with some victory food!" He said.
[No, behind you.]
"Huh?" He turned around. "Oh... WHAT!?"
He watched what looked like S.H.I.E.L.D officers attempting to kidnap Pinkie Pie, using one of those techno ropes that all cliché military peace-keeping groups in battle armour use. Some were covering their ears though. She was rambling.
"Hi, weird armoured guys who look like they're from some obvious sci-fi military! What's the sci-fi rope for? Are we having one of those weird parties, because I'm not up for one of those! Or maybe it's because I'm a biological oddity! Although that wouldn't make sense, I'm human n-" And she, along with a few others were teleported.
"...Uh... guys? Where'd you take her?" Deadpool asked, before guns were pointed at him, and they looked ready to kill. "Okay... I come back..." Deadpool said, before trying to teleport. After that failed, he looked around and saw all the bits of belt scattered over the place. He wondered if he was still holding his guns. Well, he was holding one, at least.
"...Uh... ... ... I got nothin'." Deadpool groaned, before shooting them all in the legs, then stomping on them, then hit them on the head until they became unconscious.
[Why is this necessary? You coulda just shot their heads.]
Deadpool started taking off one of the soldier's armour.
{Either losing another girl has troubled you, or you're doing a useless disguise plan.}
About 1 minute later, he was in S.H.I.E.L.D gear. He then proceeded to shoot the soldier he stole from in the head.
[Err...]
Deadpool tapped a module on his armour's arm. Arm armour arm armour arm armour
{AUTHOR.}
Sorry.
"Always wanted to try this!" Deadpool said, before blasting off into the sky. Did I mention that his armour had a jetpack? Of course I did.
{Oh, THAT'S why you did that... why are the other two alive, though?}
[It's Deadpool, don't question it.}
{We're both Deadpool.}
[Yeah, but...]
Deadpool looked around in the sky, and sure enough, he found what he was looking for...
The S.H.I.E.L.D Helicarrier.
"And so, shit hits the fans..." Deadpool announced to himself, speeding towards the Helicarrier.
"Not the fans as in, nerdy fans, I mean the fans as in, the fans that blow wind and never work when it gets too warm because it's laughing at you." Deadpool assured you.
_________________________________________________________
To be continued in the next issue!
{Thank gawd for that, that took so bloody long.}
[Seriously though, when are you gonna update The Deceased House?]
*File: Yellow Caption Box deleted*
...Frickin' rock stars from Mars...
Author's Notes:
Hai. ...This is me testing out the new way to do the Author's Note.
Hurray.
Anyway. I guess I'll tell you why I haven't worked on this much.
I was reading. Don't you do that sometimes?
Bai.
Issue November #21: A Series of Whatthehell Events.
Before you read, I feel I should tell you what you're getting into in this chapter.
A sort of intermission. This all happens between flying to the Helicarrier.
If you don't like pointless random things that will occur... don't read. Just wait until the next one comes out.
With that said, let's begin.
Deadpool vs. Equestria
Issue Something.
Previously on Deadpool Vs Equestria...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EHv9acm3fF0
Yes. Something like that.
_________________________________________________________
S.H.I.E.L.D suit jet-pack flying Deadpool was flying to the Helicarrier.
"Hello, boys! I'm baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-"
And then, the helicarrier shot him with a laser beam before he could finish his Independence Day joke.
{At least Boomer survived.}
And somewhere else, the Juggernaut stood on a dog called Boomer.
[NO!]
"I'M THE JUGGERNAUT, BITCH!" The Juggernaut proclaimed.
{That didn't happen, did it?}
No.
-----
The Jungles of Rainzenetta Forestogumpo. A rather unknown jungle, one can wonder if it even exists. If they assumed it was fictional, they'd be right. But to others, it's not fictional. As long as they can believe in Santa Claus, or even Pony Claus, or Charlie Sheen, they can enter it. Of course, nopony knows who Charlie Sheen is, so they just believe in Pony Claus.
One certain pony climbed the Stairs of Mares. It's not a stack of mares acting as stairs, they just called it that because it rhymed. They were kinda Dr. Seuss fans back then. Anyway, the stairs were nearly endless. So endless, it takes a year to climb it, and one minute to build it. It also takes 3 minutes to climb it if you're running. Because the ones who walk up it are really just rednecks who like to exaggerate it. I don't know how rednecks operate anyway, so ignore that.
The pony who climbed up the Stairs of Mares was none other than... Rainbow Do. ...Sorry, I'm still distracted by their similar appearance. Daring Dash... Daring Do. There we go. So, Rainbow Dash- ...looked at the entrance in front of him- ...her... and smelt- ...
{I'll write this late/early April Fools Joke of a chapter.}
You're welcome-... Thank hell- ...
[That's for putting me in the recycle bin... I don't remember what chapter that was, but still.]
{If you please...}
[Get on with it.]
Daring Do looked at the entrance in front of her, and saw that it was wide open, albeit very dark. She frowned, as she was unaware that anypony was either here before her, or even following her. So she went inside, gripping a flashlight with her teeth, and investigated.
She saw a bipedal thingy wearing red and black spandex under an explorer's outfit, save for the explorer hat actually being a viking helmet with horns. And then it looked at her. And she looked back at it. And it said,
"Um, I think you have something in your teeth."
She turned away from it, and then turned back and said, "Did I get it?"
And it said, "Yeah! Well, I mean, most of it! But hey, you know don't sweat it!"
Then she said, *Paused for teeth cleaning* "How about now?"
It said, "Yeah almost! There's still a little bit there, but don't worry, it's probably just a piece of toast!"
Now they're at the pay window, or whatever you call it, put my hand in my pocket, I can't believe there's no wallet!
[White Box, stop listening to Weird Al at a time like this.]
{Well, well, well, that'll be $5.82. I turned around to my wife, and said "How much have you got on you?"}
[Go home, you're drunk.]
{And that's when I found out my wife wa-}
*File: White Caption Box: Suspended*
[Now, where were we...]
-----
A cinema. The greatest place a person can be in, unless you're watching a My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic movie adaption. Because most of the people who go there are strangers. The worst of them usually get there before the best of them.
Deadpool happened to be sitting at the very front of the movie. And no-one can really be bothered thinking up an actual plot for the story [Hah, plot] except for one reminiscent of maybe The Smurfs movie, so... meh. He sat at the very front and noticed, for the first time in his life, that the characters were... rather...
Tall, and imposing...
That's only because he was sitting at the front. But it was scary. It was the scariest thing he had ever seen. And he walked out at the end of the film, and said,
"Best horror movie I'd ever seen!"
Silence...
"Did you just say..." A person who was viewing the totally non-canon and non-existent movie began, "Horror movie?"
"They were very tall and imposing. They just stood there... MENACINGLY!"
[ -.0 ]
"...GET HIM!" The fan from My Little Brony by Collegehumour yelled. And so began the grand chase, where Deadpool ran away from the bronies. He did wrong by them, and so, he shall be smited.
-----
I don't like what you're forcing me to do, Ed.
What are you talking about, this is the perfect thing to do on a day like this!
...Fine, go along with the weird Deadpool situations, and see how badly the people react to the ending simply because today, the world was meant to end.
Cool! LET'S GO!
...Ugh.
-----
Deadpool finds himself strapped to something. This is reminiscent of that time he watched a movie about a bunch of insane hooligans attack people in that Stanley Kubrick film. What was it called again? Oh, right. The Producers.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c7S0syd9qnw
"TURN IT OFF, TURN IT OFF!" Deadpool shrieked.
He could tell someone was watching his pain from the projector room. And he got the feeling he heard them say something like, 'Lulz.'
And so, he attempted to use his teleportation belt to escape. He teleported, but got nowhere. He tried again. Got nowhere. He tried again.
*Fzzt* *BOOM*
The impending mini-explosion freed him, and he ran off.
And fell off a cliff.
-----
In the mountains of Mountania, a person in red and black spandex- Yeah, we know you know who we're talking about...
Deadpool meditated next to a grey pegasus mare. With a blonde mane. You know who we're talking about again, don't ya?
As the two characters meditated for no reason... a raccoon from outer space ROCKET SKATE!ed in Deadpool's general direction, and vaporized him.
THE END
-----
{Can we go back to reality now?}
[Sure. But I don't think he'll like it.]
Deadpool opened his eyes to reality. He looked around, and saw he wasn't wearing his S.H.I.E.L.D suit anymore. Just his usual costume. He looked around again, and noticed he was in the interior of the S.H.I.E.L.D Helicarrier.
YESSS. Mission accomplished. Why does my ass feel like it's being scraped across metal?
Deadpool took another look around. He noticed something that made him groan the word 'ugh.' He was being dragged by two S.H.I.E.L.D agents in the direction of the holding cells.
"Ugh." Deadpool groaned.
-----
To be continued in the next issue!
{This is two days late.}
I know I was going to release this before the 21st of November, but I got bored.
[You worked on it yesterday, ON the 21st, but you didn't finish it.]
*Shrug* At least it's released now?
...Goddamn you.
Author's Notes:
Hai. If you're unsatisfied with the fact I included stuff that should only be put in a collection of short stories...
Sowwy.
If you want, you can have free cake.
CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE
Fun fact... this chapter was called 'Is This The End?' before I settled on 'A Series of Whatthehell events.'
Say what you want, but I'll be eating the cake.
Issue #22: Operation Name Operation
Deadpool vs. Equestria
Issue #22
Previously on Deadpool vs. Equestriaaaaa.....a... a. ay
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SMhwddNQSWQ
ay
___________________________________________________________________
Deadpool woke up and looked at the ceiling, which was rather tech-y looking. He looked around him, and the walls, floor and cage were also tech-y looking. He wondered why all waking up scenes in novels usually involved them inspecting the ceiling. Then he looked at the tech-cage, which was in fact, a laser cage, and not a robotic replica of Nicolas Cage.
[Fahk.]
"Excuse me, whoever's on the other side besides Death?" Deadpool asked.
[Death!? WHERE, I WANNA SEE]
A S.H.I.E.L.D soldier walked into view, basically answering his question.
{Well, that's nice of him.}
"You're being detained for attempting to hijack the Helicarrier," the Soldier replied, "Again."
{Good times.}
"Actually, I was about to un-kidnap the innocent girl you kidnapped. You fiends." Deadpool corrected, matter-of-factly.
"Spider-Man alerted us of her presence, and told us she was doing a lot of the things you were doing, and that she was apparently from another dimension. Any person who does the same things you do, without being you, is usually considered possibly dangerous."
{Which she is. Yellow Box's pervertedness helped us see that.}
"That's my girlfr-" Deadpool began, before cracking his neck joints in the way a person switches personalities violently, then correcting himself, "Sister."
"I don't believe that. What's your real name?" The Soldier asked.
"It's Ernie Douglas. But my friends call me 'Chip.'" Deadpool answered, before being given an unamused stare by the soldier. Although he couldn't see the soldier's face, because he had a helmet, he could tell he was unamused. Either that, or he was an idiot and was processing what he heard. But because he was able to hold a conversation unwillingly, that was rather unlikely. Deadpool groaned and answered, "Wade Wilson."
"And what's her name?"
"Diane Wilson." Deadpool answered immediately.
{That was kind of ingenious, but I wonder... have we even learned her middle name?}
Pinkie has a middle name?
{...Fine. Forget it.}
The Soldier then took a moment to think, before walking over to a control panel, and pressing one of the buttons. It brought up a screen that looked like a non-violent yet uncomfortable (for Wade's standards) interrogation of Pinkie Pie. There was one person there besides Pinkie, and he looked kind of pleasant. He was wearing a white dress shirt with short sleeves, had a black tie, and black dress pants. His hair was short and brown. Actually, that was all Deadpool could tell, because the person's back was turned to the camera.
The Soldier whispered something into the microphone, a word which here means 'trinket that 12 year olds invading the internet speak into when playing Call of Duty to dampen the playing experience, but in here, is being used for more practical purposes', and the person turned around. {Aigh.} He looked a bit less pleasant. He looked like he spent a lot of time indoors. He had a stubble, a weary/unamused expression on his face, and his eyes had a case of black bags under them, probably induced from tiredness. Deadpool had the feeling he was sort of... important in a way.
"Yes, what is it?" The person asked in a way that matched his face's appearance. Why not.
"I'd like to ask the prisoner a question, please," The soldier replied. The person raised an eyebrow, not really changing his expression. His eyes moved to Deadpool's direction, then he looked back at the soldier, and nodded, stepping out of the camera's view for a moment.
"Does someone have a question for me? Is it about partying?" Pinkie asked.
"Is your real name Diane?" The Soldier asked bluntly.
"Why not?" Pinkie asked back. The Soldier looked at her for a moment, obviously also unamused. Pinkie wasn't sure why, but she didn't like it, as it made her feel slightly sad, so she replied, "Yes, yes it is."
"...Okay." The Soldier said, before utilizing the control pad, and turning off the camera. He looked back at Deadpool. "She's your sister, is she?" He asked, still quite uncertain.
"Yeah, why?" Deadpool replasked, a word which here means 'a combination of replying and asking,' and also doesn't exist.
"Spider-Man told us she wasn't from this dimension."
"No no, he probably said the fact she was like me was 'out of this world,' etc." Deadpool assured.
{YOU DON'T SAY ETCETERA IN A SENTENCE YOU DUMBASS!}
[Cultured.}
{Brain.}
[...I'm bored, goodbye.]
"He said specifically these words, 'She isn't from this dimension at all, and I don't trust anyone or thing that matches that psycho in personality.'" The Soldier told him.
"Either he worded it wrong, or he's just really scared all of a sudden." Deadpool theorized untruthfully.
[Use his knowledge of Pinkie Pie against himmm.]
Wouldn't that be used against me also for having information of such things?
And the first time I ever came up with your character, which was way before coming up with this fic, the yellow box was supposed to be smart and the white box was meant to be annoying. Things really change, don't they.
{Thank the video game trailer for making me cultured.}
"I'm starting to think you're more of a liar than I thought." said Theodore. Because I'm tired of saying The Soldier. It makes me think of two things. WWE video games, which I play just to punch people, and Team Fortress 2. Mainly Team Fortress 2.
"I'm starting to think you don't trust other people, since you've not even met me until today, and you're being accusational."
"You're irresponsible, confusing, insane, and you have some strange fascination with the other prisoner, whether or not she is your sister." Theodore accused some more.
"I WAS FROZEN TODAY!" Deadpool blarged.
"..."
{...}
[...?]
{...Wha?}
... Okay. Then the lights turned out.
{Wha?}
Deadpool looked around him. He then blinked repeatedly.
I can't tell if my eyes are opened or closed now...
{Usually in power blackouts, the lasers are also rendered offline.}
Deadpool shrugged, and went forward. Into a wall.
{Go the other way.}
Deadpool went the other way. Into another wall.
[Go right.]
Wall.
{Now go backwards.}
Deadpool turned backwards, and rushed forwards, ululating like that kamikaze sound that I think comes from GMod. He successfully managed to bull-rush Theodore, who fell to the ground. Deadpool's eyes adjusted to the darkness a little, and then he decided to kick the soldier in the head, to knock him out. Thankfully, it did.
The lights then turned on, and Deadpool looked around for his equipment. He saw a few guns, a belt and his trusty katanas.
{One moment of equipping equipment later.}
Deadpool looked out a door, leading out of the room. It was also tech-y. He opened it, and walked out. The room in front of him was a collection of hallways that also looked tech-y. Just assume everything is tech-y. Not tacky, but tech-y. Everything is going to be allllllllllllllllright.
At least, until the room started glowing red, and an annoying sound played all over the thing, which was, in fact, an alarm. Deadpool heard the sound of footsteps getting closer. He pulled the katanas out of their sheathes, flourished them a little, and sat down, waiting until they arrived, which would probably take a while.
{Rescue Pinkie, or we'll be bored for a while, please.}
Good idea.
Deadpool ran into a random hallway to look for Pinkie. The door at the end of the hallway, however, led to a room full of S.H.I.E.L.D agents, all aiming guns at him.
"Uh... I was frozen today?" Deadpool attempted.
"...Must be some sort of coded phrase. Weapons set to stun." One of them said.
{They totally should have said 'Set Phasers to stun.'}
Deadpool scraped the blades of his two katanas together, cracked his neck, not in the psychotic personality change kind, but the ass-kicking kind, and ran at the group.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ATMujtsjFcU
___________________________________________
To be continued in the next issue!
[Yeah, that's right, rip-off music from another Nolan North voiced character, YOU FIEND!]
{You have to admit, that version is pretty kick-ass.}
[...PAOEGN.]
...okaybye
Issue #23: The Rescue
Insert title here
Previously on Deadpool vs Equestria...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tDH140dLq5M
{Deadlights?}
...
{What?}
...
...
{Where'd he go?}
[He's crying now. I think we need to take over.]
{I'll do it.}
____________________________________________________________________
Deadpool looked back on the redecoration of the room he was in the last issue. Every S.H.I.E.L.D soldier was now on the floor. Pretty much dead. He stabbed a few, decapitated a few, shot two, and one of them, he used one of his smoke grenades to kill him. The smoke all went into his mouth, and stuff happens. He tried his best to breathe, but he just couldn't take the heat, and his lungs started sucking at their job. It was very sad.
{I do wonder what would happen if the smoke grenades used smoke from a burning building.}
{Indubitably, sire.}
[What have you done?]
{I made him a cultured dick. Look at him. Look at him and cry. Meet your brother.}
{DADDY!}
{I'm not your father.}
{WAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!}
[Look at what you've done.]
{Oh, darn, I have to sing a nursery rhyme.}
{Hush little baby, don't say a word,
{Papa's gonna buy you a mockingbird,
{And if that mockingbird don't sing,
{Then... Papa's gonna buy you a diamond ringforwhenyougetmarriedpresumably,
{And if that diamond ring gets... ... ...Uh... sold? Sold,
{...Papa's gonna feel like a... big asshole...}
{Ass..hooolllleeee.}
[Now it's cursing.]
{FUCK!}
[YOU'RE MAKING IT WORSE!]
SHUSH!
{... ... ...He did it...}
I'm finished spraying water in my face.
[I thought you were crying.]
I wasn't crying, I was spraying water in my face so my face got cold, because I didn't do that thing you said I didn't do.
{Why didn't you?}
I went bowling with friends earlier today, and I felt kind of tired, so I didn't want to do anything overcomplicated like think up something by myself instead of sticking to something already happening.
[You're writing right no-]
{Sequels should never come out quickly after something else. Time and thought must be put everywhere. He'll come back to it when he's ready.}
Thanks. Anyway.
Deadpool checked his sub-machine gun. He was disappointed by the amount of ammo... the small amount.
"...Huh... getting pretty close to 'click click click.'" He said, before looking at a door. As always, the door looked tech-y. "Well, no time like the present until we find a time machine." He walked to the door, opened it, and walked through.
And he fell off the Helicarrier. He had failed to notice the parachutes next to the door, as well as the sign clearly placed onto the door saying, 'Fire Exit.'
He quickly unsheathed his katanas, and stabbed the Helicarrier. Except, the Helicarrier's plating was very tough, so that barely made a dent. He fell. Fell. Fell. Onto an ascending gunship carrying reinforcements. Which was heading back to where he fell from. He didn't want to go back there, but he waited until it went to the fire exit, before activating his teleporter.
He ended up inside a de-activated jail cell. He looked around for a moment, before walking out, and trying to teleporter again. He ended up back in that cell.
{Maybe S.H.I.E.L.D figured out how your teleporter thingy works, and made it direct you back to this jail cell.}
"FUCK!" Deadpool cursed.
{SHUSH! The baby is sleeping.}
{Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz......}
"...Okay."
Deadpool looked around. There were weird red glove things on a table. He put them on, ignoring the possibilities of it being unstable. Fortunately for him, it wasn't. Deadpool looked at the palms of the gloves, and they looked like a black... comfy thing. He walked over to a wall, then touched it, where it stuck a little bit. He tried pulling it off, and it did so. He figured they would let him climb walls, like Spider-Man.
Maybe if I wear these gloves, nobody will know I'm Spider-Man.
{Like how 60's Spider-Man thought a shirt would hide his identity over his identity?}
Deadpool decided to climb up to the ceiling. However, his feet didn't stick like Spidey's, so his legs hung back a bit, which was started to hurt his back.
"Must... overcome... pain..." Deadpool unneeded-ly said to give himself confidence, before ceiling crawling stealthily out of the room. There wasn't really anybody in the other room, so he let go of the ceiling, and remembered to land on his feet. He stuck to the shadows, and continued on to find Pinkie's prison cell.
{Alright, let's do a time cut.}
-----
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fkI0ldvVrjc
-----
Deadpool looked at a door. It was titled 'Interrogation Room.' In fact, so were all the other ones. Every door and wall and ceiling and floor and fingerprint and his arms have been titled 'Interrogation Room' ever since he found those gloves. He got rid of them, by the way.
{The desperation of Pool-O-Vision. Hmeh.}
Deadpool kicked the door down. Well, no, he didn't. It was really hard steel, so he broke his toes. He fell down, and took a moment to pull them back into place with satisfying 'CRRRRRRRRK' for each toe. He stood up again, and found the door wasn't locked. So he opened the door, and went into the room.
That man that looked like he hadn't slept in years last issue was in there. Tied up to a chair. Deadpool still found something very odd about him... something familiar.
"...Hi." Deadpool said.
"Hello." The man replied.
"...I see you're tied up."
"Yes."
"Did Diane do that?"
"Yes, Pinkie did do that."
"Ah."
"Yes."
"Do you know where she is?"
"Over there." The man nodded his head to Deadpool's left. Deadpool looked left.
[Your other left.]
{That was just...}
Deadpool turned around, to see Pinkie Pie with a very large grin on her face.
"Hi, Pinkie." Deadpool greeted.
"Hey, Wadey!" Pinkie greeted back.
"I don't like New York anymore." He informed.
"They're very weird, and they have that guy over there who reminds me of the Author." Pinkie said, pointing at the man tied up to the chair. Deadpool blinked, and looked at the man.
"..."
"..."
"..."
"..."
"...?"
"......"
"...No, I don't see the resemblance," Deadpool finally said, "Let's go." And so he and Pinkie left the room, while the man just sat there.
The rope loosens.
"Well, might as well inform Director Fury." The man said.
-----
Deadpool led Pinkie to the Fire Exit he found, which, fortunately, had no guards present. There were about five parachutes. They both took one for each other, while Deadpool held a parachute package for later use. They prepared to jump, when...
"Stop right there, Deadpool!" Came the voice of Samuel L. Jackson. Or Nick Fury.
Deadpool and Pinkie looked back. Sure enough, it was Nick Fury, with a bunch of soldiers behind him, and the creepy man who looks like me keeping to the far left of the group.
{Well... if you jump back, they're going to catch Pinkie with a stun shot, if you throw Pinkie off, you'll be caught with a stun shot, and if you push both of yourselves off, the Author, who is apparently against us now.}
The Dynamic Duo just looked at the group, as the soldiers began to walk closer.
Then a bald eagle flew through the fire exit, and flew around the place, scratching most of the soldiers, including the creepy man, but not Nick Fury. Funny, because the S.H.I.E.L.D logo has a bald eagle on it. While they were distracted, the Triangular Two {What?} both jumped off the Fire Exit of the Helicarrier.
As soon as they left, the bald eagle flew out of the Fire Exit.
Nick Fury's unclaimed eye twitched, then he looked at the nameless creepy man. "What happened?" He asked.
"Why are you asking me? I'm... just an advisor." The man replied. Just an advisor.
-----
Deadpool and Pinkie land on the ground. They look back up at the Helicarrier with a disinterested look. Pinkie felt a tapping on her foot. She looked down, and saw a black cat pawing at her foot. Then it went away.
"Usually in these situations, we have to follow the cat," Pinkie stated. "Let's follow it!" She then ran off after it before Deadpool could protest. So he ran after her.
The cat led them to an apartment. As they went over to higher floors, Deadpool started to find it was getting more familiar. It was only when the cat led them through a door, and Deadpool was about to open the door to the living room, did he realize,
"This is Weasel's apartment." He said out loud.
"Yep." Came another voice. Which Deadpool looked over to. It was Weasel, standing with Fluttershy, who was holding Angel Bunny, Hyper Hamster, and Cutie Rabbit in her arms. And she was human. If Deadpool was able to not concentrate, he'd be admiring her form in a way reminiscent of Yellow Box's desires to view human Pinkie, except in the same room.
Except, Deadpool was, in fact concentrating, and looking Fluttershy directly in the face.
She was not amused.
_______________________________________________________
To be continued in the next issue.
[WHHHYYYY WHY'D YOU DO IT!?]
You mean... make a character based off of what I would like to be, a person who looks a little bit like how I do in real life, except cool?
[No, we're getting Stared at!]
...Well... she is rather overprotective of her animals.
{...}
...Time warp.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8uZrlZxlbek
Issue #24: Hell Hath No Fury Like Angry Pony-Human Girls of Cuteness
Deadpool vs. Equestria
HELL HATH NO FURY LIKE ANGRY PONY-HUMAN GIRLS OF CUTENESS
Previously...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CJJExWsJ-f8&list=UUNhYDcV92-6NbBLWBrZWgJg&index=14
...ladies.
_____________________________________________________________
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uIXXgRnghKI
Deadpool stared at Fluttershy, and she stared at him. It was kind of terrifying. Weasel could tell that at the moment, she was just unamused, and not using the full-on Stare.
"...Hi." Deadpool greeted.
No response.
"I rescued Pinkie." Deadpool said, hoping that Fluttershy would cheer up.
No response.
"We were just going back."
No response.
"..."
"..."
"...?"
"..."
"......?"
"..."
"...Help." Deadpool said. He tried to turn his head away, but it was like somebody was strangling him unsuccessfully, but was keeping his neck very still successfully.
"You have some explaining to do, Mister." Fluttershy finally said, still glaring at him.
"...I thought It was a very nice and engaging film."
"Oh, come on." Weasel and Pinkie both said out loud. "You've not even watched it." Weasel said by himself.
"I watched a trailer!"
{Flashback}
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wdf2tqSy2zc
{End flashback.}
"When you search YouTube, you're bound to find some fake trailers around. Didn't you think to check the comments or suggestions?" Weasel asked.
"Yes, and I thought they were all crazy."
"Don't you have something -else- to explain?" Fluttershy asked, "Something more important?"
"I actually threw out the wedding engagement ring you told me to keep safe, Weasel." Deadpool explained.
"Wait... what!?"
"Other than that." Fluttershy said through gritted teeth.
"...Alright..." Deadpool began.
Time to do one of those songs they probably do all the time.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TmQIR8Tf5mw
"Watch this..."
These are my confessions
Just when I thought I said all I could say,
I came up with more secrets to tell you today
These are my confessions
Slipped my mind the last two times
Silly me, so now I gotta give you part three of my confessions-
"NO!" Fluttershy screamed at him, silencing him immediately.
"Two cute little animals went with you through this portal thing so you could go to this strange place which looks very unfriendly! As a resident of this world, you should have known better than to let them go with you, they could have been hurt! You could have brought them back to where you discovered the portal and placed them back here! But you don't seem to have any problem with any deaths near you, just as long as you get paid, now, would you think that's a fair assumption of you!?" Fluttershy yelled... demandedly.
Deadpool was silent for a moment. He looked as though he was thinking of a way to reply.
...
...
"Yep!"
Fluttershy's stare got more terrifying.
"No!"
Still scary.
"I don't know."
Confusion.
"If you don't know," Fluttershy began, "Why can't you be honest with yourself!?"
"Just trying to make a decision..."
"Well, I'm giving you two choices for you to make a decision, you... ungrateful... monster!"
[...Ow...]
"Either you stay here where you belong, and not ever coming back," Fluttershy began... then hesitating, as if deciding that punishment was a little bit unfair for one citizen of Ponyville to make onto someone, "Until you've... learned to behave..."
{Unlikely.}
[HOW COULD THE AUTHOR LIKE THIS... SCARY LADY WHO REALLY LOOKS ATTRACTIVE RIGHT NOW!?]
She's so adorable!
[...WHAT!?]
"Or... you can come back... and you'll be a guest at my residence while I teach you how to behave myself."
{...I hope there's no torture involved.}
"Yes. No. I don't know." Deadpool failed to decide.
"You've got ten seconds, mister." Fluttershy warned. "Ten..."
"...The Record."
"Nine..."
"I'd like to talk to Daniel, please..."
"Eight..."
"Let's make music together... let's make sweet harmony?"
{BIG LIPPED ALLIGATOR MOMENT!}
"...? ...Seven."
"...I ran out of jokes."
"Six..."
"...No 'Don't joke then?' I was hoping to slow the countdown.
"Two..."
"HEY! YOU MISSED FIVE, FOUR AND THREE!"
"One...?" Fluttershy said...
...
...
...
"Ze-"
"I vote to go with you."
The look on Fluttershy's face was the sort of look one would use to say, 'Oh, bother,' without words.
{...Time cut.}
-----
Weasel used a cell to create another portal to Equestria. Everyone was reverted (And re-transformed, in the human's cases) into their pony forms. Everypony headed over to Fluttershy's cottage, which would be where Deadpool's current residence would be, much to his chagrin. You'd wonder why he decided to go with them at all, but you wouldn't get any answer at all.
For the most part, Fluttershy had calmed down considerably, and was back to her usual skittish self. Deadpool still did whatever she said, though. She was just really scary to him, it was like that teacher from that Harvester game he saw Cry play once... the teacher would make the students duck and cover when an alarm rang, and if they didn't duck and cover correctly, they were hit with a baseball bat covered in blood that I think killed one of the people who didn't do it right. It wasn't a game for the kids.
Although, Deadpool did find it nice that Fluttershy sang a lullaby for him to go to sleep.
...Ladies.
__________________________________________________________
To be continued in the next issue!
{BALGANARUSSOOOAKAE}
Later.
Issue #25: Be kind... if you don't mind: Part 1
Deadpool vs Equestria
Issue #25
Previously on Deadpool vs. Equestria...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8UqUrRnh0XI
Aw.
_________________________________________________________
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rqyGDHmo1ok
Deadpool opened his eyes. Well, there was a ceiling. It was made of wood. He was on a couch. It was comfy. He was hoping it would be leather. He wondered why it wasn't leather. He should know why it isn't leather. It's not leather, idiot. He looked around. He noticed there were six animals sitting on him, watching him with suspicion and distrust and other stuff. The animals were Angel Bunny, Miss Rabbit, Fuzzy Ferret, Hyper Hamster, Cutie Mouse and Tim, who is, incidentally, a cat.
"Hi." Deadpool waved. "I recognize the mouse, the grouchy rabbit, and the hamster. Everyone else... not so much."
'...He called me grouchy.' Angel said to Miss Rabbit.
'You're not grouchy... maybe a teensy bit, but you're easily... enraged, is all.' Miss Rabbit replied.
'Hi!' Hyper greeted.
Deadpool looked confused. "Is this one of these funny animated Disney scenes where there's animals talking and the humans don't even notice their mouths move? Because I can see your mouths move, but I can't hear you."
...
'What'd he say?' Angel asked no-one in particular.
'Probably trying to say, 'They're trying to communicate with me.' That's what it sounds like.' Tim suggested.
"Write on paper." Deadpool suggested.
'...I don't even want to talk to him,' Miss Rabbit said, 'Does anybody here?'
'...No.' Angel answered bluntly.
'No.' Tim said.
'Only a little.' Hyper admitted.
'...Oh, I don't know...' Cutie Mouse said.
'It sang of Donkeys... we should get rid of it!' Fuzzy suggested.
'...Shut up, Fuzzy.' Angel ordered.
Hoofsteps came from upstairs. Which reminded Deadpool, he's a midget horse again. {Fahk.}
"Good morning!" Fluttershy called cheerfully.
[I wonder why she's suddenly so nice to us.]
{Element of Kindness.}
[Didn't she hate us last issue?]
{The only way we would have to be worried is if she had a shed.}
"Hi." Deadpool greeted back.
"I don't know what you like eating, so I've left some bits for you to order some for yourself..." Fluttershy told him, "I mean... if that's okay with you..."
{Well, that was as nice as she could be, it would seem.}
"Okay." Deadpool replied.
"What do you eat anyway? I think I should know what you eat so I know what to get you in the near future."
"Tacos and chimichangas." Deadpool replied.
"I...I don't know what those are..."
"Well, one of the things one will need to make them is meat, an-"
"WHAT!?" Fluttershy screamed, looking at him in horror. Deadpool looked at the animals, and noticed even they were staring at him in horror.
'I... wh.... He...' Angel stammered.
'...Well... I... nev- oh, forget it...' Miss Rabbit said.
'IT'S GONNA EAT US!' Fuzzy Ferret said, before running off. The other animals didn't follow him, instead just sitting there staring at him.
"...What?" Deadpool asked, confused.
"...U-um... w-well... w-we don't r-really eat meat... i-in fact, w-w-we're all v-vegetarians..." Fluttershy shakily explained.
"Wow. Is that why these couches aren't made of leather?" Deadpool asked.
"Of course not!" Fluttershy yelped.
"...You're all missing out."
"We're really not..."
-----
{This is what I imagine happened.}
An Earth Pony walks over to a meat-covered chicken leg. He takes a small bite out of it, and chews the meat for a little bit. He simply frowns slightly, before quickly swallowing the meat he had bitten.
"Ew." He said, before walking onward to wherever he's going.
-----
"If you say so..." Deadpool shrugged.
"Now, we're going to start the morning off with you learning a lesson about kindness," Fluttershy said, "I enlisted the help of Twilight, Rainbow Dash and Ditzy Doo, each of which giving us their own methods, as approved by myself, and after their suggestions on making you kinder, you'll partake in mine, and we'll hope you learned something by the end of it."
"Alrighty then. What's the first one?" Deadpool asked.
"We're going to be starting off with Ditzy's suggestion first," Fluttershy answered, before walking over to a table, picked up a saddlebag with her mouth, and bringing it to Deadpool. "In this saddlebag, there's mail for everypony who is waiting for mail. You might come across some of my friends along the way. Now, what you must do in order to win, is to give these mail envelopes to whoever it's for, without saying anything strange, insulting, or provocative. You must be nice, helpful, and charming."
"..."
"Now, here's where it gets exciting..." Fluttershy began...
{That usually means boring, doesn't it?}
"You are allowed to modify any of the mail however you like, and make it as insulting, unintelligible, or destroyed as you want."
{Wow, that is pretty exciting.}
"Sweet!" Deadpool exclaimed approvingly.
"Not finished," Fluttershy said simply, "I'm hoping you're smart enough to realize that doing so is derogative to your learning, will make this all for nothing, and mean you will face some form of punishment, which seems rather obvious, yes?" She asked, rather... sweetly.
"...Well..." Deadpool thought, "...Uh... why would you say I could do this if I get punished for it?"
"Because you seem like the sort of person who just loves to hurt the feelings of others as long as it's funny and thrilling. And I'd like to find out whether you do it for money, or indeed because it's funny." Again, Fluttershy said this as if she was a mother poking fun at her meddlesome child.
[Both sound like us.]
{Shut up.}
"...I'll just go and... deliver the mail, okay?" Deadpool said, getting out of bed. Then falling off, as he is once more not used to walking about as a pony. Fluttershy wanted to help him up, but decided against it. Deadpool took the saddlebag, and ran out the door.
Fluttershy sighed, and looked to the animals. "U-um... I did the 'tough love' routine Rainbow suggested... d-did I do it r-right?"
The five animals just shrugged (Well, Cutie and Tim shrugged their shoulders), and went off to find Fuzzy. Fluttershy's lip quivered and she tried not to cry. "I hope I didn't hurt his feelings..."
__________________________________________________________
To be continued in the next issue!
Now go re-assure Fluttershy that she didn't hurt his feelings.
Please?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bDUnQs4u2oQ
Issue #25: Be kind... if you don't mind: Part 2
Deadpool vs Equestria
Issue #25
Previously on Deadpool vs Equestria
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DvMrR4_4E-Q
________________________________________________________
Deadpool tried to-
...
Deadpool looked at himself in the mirror.
[There is no mirror.]
{I know, I know, he's left...}
Deadpool flew to Mount Rushmore to avoid-
[...]
{Well, this is what happens when the Author leaves me in charge. I only volunteer to take part when I think of things to write.}
[Speaking of which, where's the Author gone anyways?]
{Uh.}
-----
Totally rocking out.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9U9yYTeWsYM
-----
{Probably nothing fun. Anyway, I've thought of something.}
Deadpool walked along Ponyville, now faced with being today's mailpony. It wasn't a very fun job. Like a lot of people, he'd rather his occupation be something fun and derogatory to other people, like a mercenary. Like what he used to be before getting thrown into this place. Weasel's fault. ALL OF IT! FAHKING WEAS! I'M GONNA BRAIN YOU! AAAUAUUUGUGGUH-
[Calm down, there, cowpony.]
{...Uh?}
Anyway. As the mailpony, his job was to deliver mail to ponies. Durr. So, it was only reasonable that his first stop would be...
A costume shop.
[Wat?]
{Nopony wants to see a masked pony delivering the mail. So why not have a mailpony uniform over his costume?}
[I see your reasoning, but won't the suit be rather unrealistic?]
{Now who's the cultured dick?}
[Your culture has been rubbing off on me, and I feed off it, like a vampire. You are reduced to my level, and I am elevated to your level. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!]
{If my level is your level, then you have been reduced to my level, and I have been elevated to your level, which, by now, has become your vagrant level, and you are reduced to my cultured level, which is now my vagrant level, and the stuff goes on again and again and again and again and again, which is why, I will be the cultured one... you gibbering twit.}
[GO TO HELL!]
{Make me!}
(Catfight)
Hey, guys, still being kittens as usual?
{HUUUUUUUHRHRH? No, not at all!}
[...?]
Doo doo doo doo doo.... doo doo... doo doo.... hmm hmm... hm hm hm hm hm...
{Is that Berlin's Take My Breath Away?}
No.
{... ... ...? Okay.}
*Phew*
So Deadpool walks out of the tihngirsgnrsignsignsi. I don't know.
[Cosplay food supply.]
Thanks. So Deadpool walks out of the tihngirsgnrsignsignsi. I don't know what that means.
{Costume store.}
Thanks. So Deadpool walks out of the costume store, dressed as a ballerina.
...
Ha. Couldn't resist. So Deadpool walks out of the costume store, dressed as a proper mailpony, looks around, then opens his saddlebag to check who was first on his list.
He got a different language.
Thankfully, as a pony, his brain somehow adapted to knowing what the hell that meant. In hindsight, it's required for survival.
"Lyra Heartstrings... Wow, that tells me exactly what she plays as a musical instrument." Deadpool commented.
The lyre, right?
"...I was thinking of the drums."
...
Deadpool slapped himself in the face.
"FAHK!"
Deadpool then walked over to Lyra's house. He had to look at everypony's door numbers to know where he was going, and eventually found Lyra's number on a door. He knocked on the door. And waited.
...
...
*Clang*
At least I know she heard it. I'm assuming it's a she, because Lyra sounds female... humany. ...Huh. Weird.
...
...
Hmm hmm hmm hmm hmmmmmmmm....
[That IS Take My Breath Away, isn't it?]
No, no.
[... ... ...? ... ... ... Okay.]
Finally, Lyra answered the door. She was a mint green unicorn with white and whitey-blue hair and hazel eyes. Trying to avoid punishment from Fluttershy over a simple yet inevitable misunderstanding, he avoided looking at her cutie mark. Probably couldn't anyway, she was right in front of him, at the door.
Lyra looked at him for a moment, tilting her head and squinting. Deadpool did the same. Awkward silence happened.
"...I have your mail." Deadpool said. Lyra just nodded.
Deadpool went to open his saddlebag.
"Wait a moment," Lyra finally said, causing Deadpool to stop what he was doing, and look at Lyra. "So, have you have the rock-paper-scissors issue yet?" She asked.
Deadpool looked puzzled for a moment. "Rock-paper-scissors issue? I have no problem with that, I'll demonstrate. Rock, paper, scissors." Deadpool attempted the motion, and used Rock. He had picked paper.
Deadpool processing mode activate. He looked at his hoof. Then at Lyra, who was grinning, as if she had made some grand discovery. Then his hoof. Then all his hooves. Then attempted to look at her cutie mark, which was when it all made sense now. Although, Lyra raised an eyebrow, and her grin dissipated at that last look.
"Ooohhh..." Deadpool oh'd in realization. "I hate rocks..."
"I knew it..." Lyra said, looking amazed again. "I found a human."
{OUR COVER'S BLOWN!}
[FAHK!]
{She's my new favourite.}
[Wait, what?]
"...Uh..." Deadpool quickly opened his saddlebag, gripped the envelope in his mouth, and gave Lyra her mail. "Hereyougonicetomeetyouokaybye!" Deadpool said, running off.
There was no telling what crazy things that crazy thing was going to experiment on with!
"...I was gonna ask if he wanted to meet Bon-Bon, but... maybe later."
-----
{Well... I think Lyra's gonna be a recurring character now.}
[Didn't we already see her in a previous issue?]
I really don't remember, so it must've not been a good one. I'm definitely gonna remember this one, though. We're like a cartoon. Sometimes forgetting continuity.
EEEEEXXXPOSITION!
Next in the mail list, was Cloud Kicker. Sounded like a sky-city resident's name. Apparently not. The only problem was, it was gonna be probably a five minute's walk from the looks of it.
*Time cut*
10 minutes.
{You stopped by to eat bread. You don't even like bread.}
"That might explain it..." Deadpool said out loud. Anyway, he was at Cloud Kicker's residence. He knocked at the door.
Cloud Kicker got to the door and opened it a lot faster than Lyra did. She reminded Deadpool of one of those blondes you see in the movies who isn't a stereotypical ditzy blonde, but instead is kinda smart, and looks like she gets along with others really well.
She really did remind him of those. Anyway.
"Hi. I'm here to deliver your mail." Deadpool said.
"Okay," Cloud Kicker said, "Doesn't Ditzy usually do the mail?"
'I'm being punished,' is what Deadpool wanted to say, but he just settled with, "Yes, yes they do. Here's your mail." He said, before reaching into his saddlebag, taking the envelope into his mouth, and giving it to Kicker. "Bye."
Cloud Kicker opened her mouth to say something, but he shut the door in her face, before walking off. I highly disapprove.
[Why?]
Winningverse. Just... Winningverse.
"Okay, who's next on the list?" Deadpool said, before checking. "Oh, Stephenie Meyer."
Twilight Sparkle.
"Muahaha."
-----
Deadpool arrived at Twilight's treehouse library reclusive die-alone depressing thoughts nerdy kinda cute when you think about it... off topic. House. He knocked on the door. Which was wood. Just like the rest of her freaking house.
Who else would open the door, but Spike.
Deadpool looked at Spike, after noticing he was small enough not to notice at first glance. "I'm either in Skyrim or the Lizard had a kid and sent it after me."
"...Uh... I'm a dragon," Spike said. "A baby dragon."
"So I'm in Skyrim then. Fantastic." Deadpool sarcastically commented.
"...Twilight?" Spike called. "The mailpony is creeping me out!"
"I am not." Deadpool retorted.
"Yes, you are. I mean, really, creeping me out." Spike complained.
"Oh. I thought you said I was interested in Berlin's Take My Breath Away, to which I replied, 'I am not.' Yes, I AM creeping you out, and it's kinda fun to know that."
"..."
Then, Stephenie Meyer came along to look at Spike, who was just staring at the mailpony as if he was disturbed by something.
"Haven't you seen Ditzy before, Spi-" Twilight began to say, before actually looking at the mailpony, realizing it was Ditzy, and shrieking.
Deadpool, for good measure, shrieked too.
"S-sorry..." Twilight apologized, "I'm uh... not used to seeing a m- uhm... a mailpony besides the usual one."
"Do you have a problem with masked men?" Deadpool asked.
"No, Deadpool. ...Well, if I'm honest, I was just reading a horror book which had a strange religious order... more of an occult order that all wore red masks, so... yeah... sorry about that." Twilight admitted.
"Do you have It?" Deadpool asked.
"...Huh?"
"Nevermind."
{Stop it.}
"Huh?"
{Stop referencing It. The Author's Pennywise story is what that's for. His upcoming Deadlights story is what that's for. His blogs about his upcoming Deadlights story is what that's for.}
"Okay." Deadpool said, out loud.
"...Pardon?" Twilight asked.
"Everything. Anyway, here's your mail." Deadpool said, before reaching into the saddlebag, and giving her the mail. "Bye." Deadpool said, walking away, this time leaving the door open. ...Winningverse...
"...Twilight... I don't like that guy..." Spike whimpered.
"Me neither, Spike. Me neither." Twilight agreed.
"Next on the list..." Deadpool went to check the mail saddlebag, before stopping a moment. His back hurt a bit. He realized he had a LOT of mail. Shredding the mail would make it lighter. He didn't dare do this, though. So he checked the saddlebag.
"Okay, so it's Bon-Bon... ...waitaminute... that's the same address as Lyra..." Deadpool groaned.
....FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-
{Oi.}
-----Point of View: Fluttershy-----
Fluttershy finished feeding the animals in the cottage and outside, and walked over to the couch and sat on it, and sighing contentedly. She felt that now, a rest was in order.
Repeated knocking on the door. Fluttershy squeaked in surprise. She looked at the door, then got off of the couch, and began walking towards it. Then it just opened, and Deadpool walked in. A kinda different looking Deadpool.
This was definitely Deadpool. But he was wearing a rather tattered mailpony suit, and he looked rather disheveled, slouching, and looking very tired overall.
"O-oh... um... are you okay?" Fluttershy asked. Deadpool just shrugged. "O-okay... did you avoid ruining the mail?"
Deadpool looked up at her, and the bottom of his masked lowered a little as he opened his mouth, ready to speak.
And then he collapsed.
...Ladies.
_____________________________________________________
To be continued in the next issue!
{IT WAS FAHKING BERLIN'S TAKE MY BREATH AWAY, WASN'T IT!?}
...Maybe.
{Were you listening to it throughout this writing?}
...Yis.
{Well, good thing me and Yellow Caption Box like it too. And you wrote kinda fast, for starting an hour and a half ago.}
Maybe everyone should listen to it when they write.
{Don't go that far, you can't change people.}
...Aw.
{Don't do the cute puppy cat eyes, you look like you want to eat me when you do that.}
...Okay.
Author's Notes:
I don't know why. But I think this is so far, the greatest chapter I have ever written, whether it has mistakes and a possible continuity error or not. Don't you agree?
DON'T YOU!?
Also, for hugging Fluttershy in the comments, I give WiseFox an imaginary diagram for the thing that can end the world.
Get to the chopper.
Issue #26: Be kind... if you don't mind: Part 3
Deadpool vs Equestria
Issue #26
Previously on Deadpool vs Equestria...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UUvfwKZD2-0
____________________________________________________________
Deadpool was sleeping on the couch. It was about five minutes before Rainbow Dash arrived to challenge Deadpool to her method of kindness. Fluttershy, who was waiting for him to wake up, frowned. Deadpool was either oversleeping, or he had woken up a long time ago, and was just trying to avoid the inevitable. Fluttershy looked an alarm clock that Pinkie had brought back from Earth, placed it next to Deadpool, and pressed a button on it, hoping that Pinkie's idea related to the alarm clock will work.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C9a4KKH6nmg
Deadpool woke up (if he didn't already), standing on the couch, and jumping off of it, landing a few feet in front of Fluttershy. She stepped back quickly.
"What... test do you want me to do now?" Deadpool asked.
"W-well... R-rainbow Dash is going to be here soon, so... o-oh, you h-haven't eaten yet...!" Fluttershy remembered.
Deadpool shrugged. "It's no big deal. At the moment."
"Oh, but it is! You might lack the energy you usually have!" Fluttershy insisted... "B-but... whatever you want is fine..."
"And why might I need my energy?"
{Because Rainbow Dash is probably gonna ask you to a race. Even though you have no wings.}
NOT IF I HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY ABOUT IT!
[...okay]
"Okay." Deadpool said.
Fluttershy looked at him confusedly. She was still thinking about what to say. Before she could comment, knocking was heard on the door. She squeaked in fright {Aww} before walking over to open the door. It was Rainbow Dash.
"Hey, Fluttershy. I'm here for that thing you wanted help with." She greeted.
"Oh... thank you, Rainbow. Come in." Fluttershy stepped aside to let Rainbow inside. Deadpool looked at Rainbow.
"I haven't eaten." He said.
"Well, you probably should've let Fluttershy give you something to eat, if you really think I was interested in hearing about that..."
"I don't have any wings." He said.
"I can see that..." Rainbow said, starting to get annoyed at what seemed to her like irrelevant prattle. She wouldn't use the word prattle, though.
"Apparently you're really fast, so there's no point in running." He said.
"What are you trying to say?" Rainbow asked bluntly.
"I don't want to race you." Deadpool finally told her.
"...You're telling me that you thought my test of kindness was going to be a race?" She asked in disbelief and slight offence.
"Yes."
"Well, let me run this by you, Deathstroke..."
"Deadpool."
"...Whatever. Fluttershy asked me, Ditzy and Twi to help her make you a better person, and we all decided that we should, for the good of Equestria. Because, really, I don't think Princess Celestia would trust you after that time you and Pinkie went to your world and nearly made everything aware of her."
"Everyone or body, Insert Rainbow Related Name here, we're not things." Deadpool said in his defence.
"...What did you call me?" Rainbow asked.
"Anything anyone wanted. I wanted to call you Skittles, but there's a far better Marvel cross-over fic that did that already, and, let's just say, I'm glad it's not the one that lies down roped to a train track and says 'hay.' Deadpool explained.
"... Uh... anyway," Rainbow began, recovering from Deadpool's crumbled logic, "Since we agreed to make sure it would be as effective as possible, we all had to agree to our methods. If one of us didn't have a very good idea, we'd work together to think up a better one. That's why racing was ruled out beforehand."
She used a few words with more than six letters.
{She's not an idiot, you idiot.}
The new Dante's an idiot.
[I kinda liked that demo.]
BUT WE'RE BETTER THAN HIM, CAN'T YOU UNDERSTAND!?
"So, what I've decided to do instead," Rainbow began, catching Deadpool's attention, "Is follow you around town, and watch you compliment every pony in the town."
"Why would I be outside, complimenting people?" Deadpool asked.
"Because that's what we're making you do, ...what's your real name? Dead River can't be your name." Rainbow asked.
"You said my name wrong on purpose." Deadpool accused.
"I did," Rainbow admitted, "But that's not important, I forgot your real name."
"Wade Wilson." He answered.
"Too... alien. Let's call you... Nutty."
"Oi."
"...We're going with Nutty, whether you like it or not." Rainbow insisted.
"Fine."
"Good. Now, before we go, You're gonna compliment me and Fluttershy."
"Oh, GUH." Deadpool said, using his hoof as a facepalm, now a facehoof, which happened to hurt his face. "Ow, GUH."
Rainbow was hovering in the air with her forelegs crossed, while Fluttershy stood, looked from one to the other curiously and somewhat expectantly.
"...Uh. Rainbow. You're awesome." Deadpool complimented half-heartedly.
"You bet I am!" Rainbow said, puffing her chest out. "Now, say something nice to Fluttershy."
Deadpool's eyelids lowered in boredom, before he looked to Fluttershy. He then started to think of whatever nice thing he could say to Fluttershy. It was really easy to compliment Rainbow. He really had to try hard to compliment Fluttershy to make it nice. A lot of consideration had to be put in.
"Fluttershy, I really like your mane."
...
{Err. Continue, because this joke is overused.}
Buck you.
"You look like you have really soft and silky fur, and I hear you go to the spa a lot, so that probably explains that. Which also means you smell nice, really nice. You also have really cute squeaks. Nice eyes. That's all I got."
Fluttershy blushed the way one gets complimented exaggeratedly, even though it's not an exaggeration, and he could have said a lot more. So adorable. "Oh... um... thank you."
"Bye!" Deadpool ran out of the door, and waited outside the house, expecting Rainbow Dash to follow. Rainbow and Fluttershy's expressions deadpanned, and Rainbow hovered on over to Deadpool, staying high above him as he began his complimentary spree.
And probably fail it.
Yeah.
__________________________________________________________
To be continued in the next issue!
[We felt so unimportant.]
{To be fair, this is rather short.}
[It shouldn't have been.]
I forgot what Pipsqueak's accent came from, if I did, I would have elaborated when Deadpool said 'Oi.'
Why didn't you make Rainbow say he sounded like Pip?
...I thought it'd be funnier and less weird if Rainbow mentioned the place Pipsqueak's accent came from. It'd be less weirder than 'The weird places of Canterlot royalty.'
...Where'd that come from?
Rarity's accent.
{How?}
Just... shush...
Author's Notes:
Well.
I don't know...
Issue #27: Be kind... you better mind...
Deadpool vs Equestria
Issue #27
Previously on Blardeblahblagh, Deadpool felt like this
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UhQst2mFlJM
_____________________________________________________________-
Deadpool trotted out of Fluttershy's garden, and ended up in Ponyville. He was tasked with complimenting everypony. He kinda wishes Rainbow didn't turn out to be as weak-minded as she seemed. He tried to get away from her earlier by saying 'You like races, right? Let's race all the way from here, to Weasel's house, to back here again!' Rainbow already caught on to the fact he wasn't gonna run back, and was just gonna take Weasel's portal back to Earth. Although, Deadpool still had some idea someone said that whether that happens, he wants to do that. Or something.
Before Deadpool began The Long Walk, he decided to pretend Ponyville was populated primarily by zombies. He could have some mindless adventure with not a lot of thought put into it, which consisted of just him kicking flank, and he'd be alright with that. Plus, since everypony else is a zombie, there's nopony around to say, 'It's not right, Lisa.'
Rainbow nudged him, signalling him to begin the walk of happy times.
{Cue rather fitting thingy which may or may not lead to walls of text.}
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Ry7lMl75Vo
"Hello, ma'am, the flowers are going along rather well! Hello, Ditzy, you are forgiven for yesterday! Hello, sir, them donuts look tasty, I'll find out where you got them from! Hey, Lyra, I still remember you this time! Little girl, be careful of them boy bands! Hello, sir, keep making the plain bread, plain is good! Hey there, Weas, didn't expect you to be here! Ow, my foot. Hey again ma'am, good job with the flowers again! Hi, Rarity, don't worry, that dress doesn't make you look fat! Little cute thing with bow with southern accent, hi! And your friends also! I bet you're the most adorable infernal things ever! Hello, sir, you remind me of this alien who had a really large room in a smaller box! I think your name was Red Dwarf! Ow, my foot. Now that I think of it, that's a hoof. Ma'am, not that I'm complaining, but don't you have something more important than the flowers? I mean, continue! Hullo, McFl-"
Then Rainbow landed in front of him. "Hold on there, you don't have to say nice things again and again! Most of those were really nice things to say, but you gotta breathe, right? You're like Pinkie, always rambl-"
"Oh, right, Pinkie Pie! How's she?" Deadpool asked.
"Kinda bored."
"Okay then. So where was I?"
"Being good at complimenting people."
"Okay."
{Different approach.}
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TCBRIGLbixI
Deadpool began strutting, and approached somepony who looked like they were in need of a compliment.
"Again, I like the flowers." He complimented to the mare who was watering her plants. The mare blinked, and stepped away from him.
[Enough of that reference that turned into a horribly stolen joke, you idiot.}
"...What are you doing?" Rainbow asked.
"Trying to be nice."
"Try better."
"...Okay."
[New approach.]
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hGnRcDKjCHc
Deadpool then started running around the place, and started randomly giving hugs to everypony, all the while saying 'HUGS!' every time he hugged somepony.
"Stop that, you're giving them the creeps!" Rainbow demanded.
"If I stop, they'll be creeped out because it looks like you control me, so if you want me to stop, you must tackle me, preferably in the direction of Weasel's house!"
Rainbow just punched him when he came near enough, and Deadpool fell down.
"I told you, you must tackle me, preferably in the direction of Weasel's house!" Deadpool complained.
"Can't you be nice for once?" Rainbow asked.
"Nope. It's not in my nature. I can pretend to be nice, but in experience, I can't be nice without quirks, so it has to be weird in some way."
"No, it doesn't."
"Well, let's see, Stephenie Meyer is nice, but has OCD, that's a quirk, Rarity thinks she's generous, but it's all in her head, and she's really obsessive on fashion as well as co-dependent, that's a quirk, Applejack has an ack-sent, which I happen to like as it reminds me of someone who really looks better with her hair long, but Applejack is stubborn and really country, that's the best quirk I can think of, Pinkie's Pinkie, you have an 'awesome' complex, and Fluttershy doesn't know how to turn up the volume but only gets away with it because it's cute."
Rainbow's eyebrow raised, and twitched slightly.
Awkward silences ensued.
"Those wacky gangsters. What're ya gonna do?" Deadpool said, to break the silence.
It just made more awkwardness.
{There's one approach we haven't tried yet.}
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VzA6Gl5CYYU
Deadpool decided to skate around the place while Rainbow continued in her awkward 'processing mode.' Obviously, the ground wasn't made of ice, but Deadpool went around the place, not lifting his hooves, and generally sliding. It kinda hurt, but oh well.
"Hello, pony... where do your donuts come from?" Deadpool asked a random stallion.
"...Donut Joe's?" He replied.
"You're a good person. Pony, I mean." Deadpool complimented, before gracefully 'skating' back to Rainbow.
Rainbow just glared at him, before flying off in the direction of Fluttershy's house. She really seemed to be taking her time for some reason.
[Oh, no. You gotta get there before she gets there, or she'll never let you leave.]
"Good thing I have a teleport belt!" He said, before attempting to teleport.
He looked around, and was in that cell in the S.H.I.E.L.D helicarrer again. And human too.
{It was still set to be in the Helicarrier. FUCK YEAH!}
Deadpool looked around, and saw that the weird advisor that reminded Pinkie of the Author was just staring at him blankly, slouching with his hands in his pockets.
"..."
"..."
"..."
"...Do you want some cake?" 'I' asked.
Deadpool responded with a rather girlish scream, before suddenly disappearing from the face of the earth in a green flash.
The man raised an eyebrow. "I guess he didn't want cake..." He guessed.
Deadpool ended up on the face of Equestria again. {FUCK!} He looked around. He was just outside Fluttershy's house. {YEAH!}
Deadpool opened the door, and saw Fluttershy fall off the couch. And now he felt bad. Fluttershy got up, and walked apprehensively towards him.
"Y-you could have knocked..." She said.
"Sorry. I got caught up in annoying stuff after I finished." Deadpool explained.
"O-okay... did you do well?" Fluttershy asked.
"Well-" Deadpool didn't get to finish, as Rainbow Dash flew through the window, which, luckily for everypony, was open.
"This guy is impossible, Fluttershy," Rainbow Dash began. "He went around, randomly complimenting others as if he found the whole thing funny..."
Deadpool began to tune out Rainbow Dash, and just stared out the window she flew through, waiting for Fluttershy's verdict. To pass the time, he tried to think of something to keep himself entertained.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7VsuGMELajk
"And then, he had the nerve to continue acting weirdly, like he was an ice skater or something! That's when I flew over to yours, and I'm kind of surprised he got here before me." Rainbow finished.
"So am I." Deadpool admitted once his concentration was re-established.
Fluttershy seemed to be processing all of what she said he did.
{You're screwed, because of boredom. Well done. This is what boredom does to ya, kids. It ruins your life, and keeps you trapped on some weird dimensi-}
Fluttershy stifled a giggle.
The reaction 'Huh?' was used by Rainbow, Deadpool, and the White Caption Box.
"S-sorry..." Fluttershy said, mostly gaining her composure. "I w-wondered what that might look like and... it seemed a little funny..."
"YAAAAY!" Deadpool cheered.
"Ssshhh." Fluttershy shushed. "That doesn't mean you're being let off easy, mister..."
"Aww..."
"Before I decide, Deadpool, did you feel any good feelings from complimenting everypony?" Fluttershy decided.
"...hmmmm..." Deadpool looked in thought for a moment. "No, not really."
"...O-oh..." Fluttershy looked disappointed. "W-well... then I'll call this... sort of a failure."
"Sort of?" Deadpool and Rainbow asked.
"Well... you did as we asked... but you didn't learn anything from it... you just acted silly..." Fluttershy explained, "You did make some funny images in my mind however... and while I shouldn't be merciful on those terms... I'm letting you off only once... I will not tolerate a terrible amount of fooling around for tomorrow," Fluttershy finished. "So... we're done for today..."
"See you later, Fluttershy." Rainbow Dash said, looking at Deadpool with a blank expression for a moment, then flying out the window again.
"...I wonder how the creepy guy's doing."
{We don't. So we'll not cut to him.}
Aww.
____________________________________________________________
To be continued in the next issue, and no, next issue isn't gonna be another test. Probably a mini issue. The issue after that will be the test. I'm gonna go now. Take care.
Issue #27.5
Deadpool vs. Equestria
Previously on Deadpool vs. Equestria...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1pBbtmAr48A
Sorry for the headache, Xavier.
___________________________________________________--
It was one minute until midnight, and Deadpool was lying on the couch pretending to sleep. Fluttershy trotted downstairs from her room to check on him. He took note of this, and began feigning snores. Fluttershy frowned.
"H-how are you doing, Deadpool?" She asked waveringly.
Deadpool continued to pretend to snore.
Angel, coming back from one of the Woodland 6's secret meetings, pretended to sleep on the table quietly, but kept one eye open to see what was going on. He wondered why Deadpool was pretending. He could tell, because he had done something similar before, and Fluttershy knew he wasn't really sleeping. He's still not sure how she knew. I guess she's the master of peaceful sleeping.
Deadpool knew Fluttershy wasn't leaving any time soon, so he stopped fake-sleeping, and turned around to look at Fluttershy.
"It's midnight. Sleep, sleep." Deadpool said.
"I-i wanted to check on you. H-how are you doing?" Fluttershy asked.
"Sleepy. Homesick. Mad. Confused."
"As soon as we've tried everything we can, you can go home."
"As seen yesterday, you've done as much as possible. Go to sleep." Deadpool said.
"...Okay. I-i just want you to know... we don't hate you... you're just... a little unsuitable for Equestria." Fluttershy said.
"I noticed. It's about the same case everywhere." Deadpool told her.
"...What's it like?"
"Fun."
"Anything bad?"
"Oh, a lot of people die. Which is funny as long as I'm around to say something about it!"
Fluttershy frowned. "Does anything happen you feel bad about?"
"Sometimes. Sometimes. But the people who read the comic book forget it after the next issue comes out."
{No, Wade. They don't.}
"...Now I feel bad..."
This made Fluttershy forget he said 'comic book' and so she tried to comfort him somehow.
"Well... I know you want to go home but... if, in any case, you don't want those things to happen to you again... you could always stay here... somehow." She suggested.
"No." Deadpool answered her suggestion.
Fluttershy's expression deadpanned. "Good night, Deadpool." She said, before walking back up to her room.
...
_______________________________________________________
To be continued in the next Okaybye
Issue #28: Be kind... use your head, and mind already!: Part 1
Deadpool vs Equestria
Issue #28
Previously on Deadpool vs Equestria
Large Lipped Alligator Happening. LLAH.
_____________________________________________________________
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q09SKfph8xw
Deadpool sat on the couch, waiting for Fluttershy to arrive downstairs. Eventually, she appeared, saw him sitting on the couch, and trotted over to him.
"Well... I'm g-gonna go get Twilight. I'll be right back..." Fluttershy simply said, leaving without saying goodbye.
{She's probably still mad at you for brushing off her kindness.}
[But... what do we do now? She's basically left us at home to fend for ourselves, and the best we can do if some weird robber breaks in, we have to somehow bash their head in and tell them to fuck off, 'I love you bye.' Motherly love, mind.]
{At least she loves us.}
...
{...}
[...]
{...}
[BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!]
{FUCK YOU, ELLEN.}
[...Let it go.]
{WHY MARY.}
[...]
-----Point of View: Angel Bunny-----
Angel Bunny sat with his fellow team-mates of the Woodland 6, having a blank expression on his face, as the other five members began to argue over Deadpool. He mostly tuned them out. He had heard enough to know that at this point, they were all judging what to do with Deadpool.
I can just tell... thought Angel, That Miss Rabbit and Cutie will suggest we try to help Fluttershy change his ways, Hyper's going to suggest getting Pinkie to start a party and get them to 'fight the power' like Romeo and Juliet and be together, no matter how much Equestria might, for some reason, disapprove, Fuzzy's gonna say 'Kill him,' and Tim's gonna say, 'I dunno,' or something along those lines.
"Everyone..." Angel began, "What's your suggestions?"
"Help change his ways, of course!" Miss Rabbit proudly declared.
"I second that..." Cutie seconded.
"Fight the power!" Hyper yelled.
"We have to skin him alive, and maybe eat his bones, and feed them to Lyra! FEED THEM!" Fuzzy screamed.
"I don't know." Tim said.
"I say we help Fluttershy to change his ways. It's the least we can do for our guardian." Angel said. And the least I can do for Miss Rabbit.
"Thank you, Angel." Miss Rabbit thanked.
"Thanks..." Cutie said.
"FIGHT THE POWER!" Hyper yelled desperately.
"...Okay, we'll do that too." Angel said, in order to get Hyper to stop going on about the power.
"FEED THEM!" Fuzzy screamed.
"We're not gonna do that."
"I don't know." Tim said.
"...Shutup." Angel retorted.
-----Point of View: Deadpool-----
"So, Author, you like Take My Breath Away?" Deadpool asked.
...Yes.
"I don't. It reminds me of Tom Cruise."
Don't you like Tropic Thunder?
{Who doesn't?]
Does that mean both of you are speaking?
{Yes.]
"Yeah, I like Tropic Thunder, but Loki's an idiot."
Tom Hiddleston is kinda good.
"You had him as your avatar for a while."
That was Tom Hiddleston edited into the Joker. That's a good thing.
"And now you're... whoever the heck that is."
Daniella.
"Why are you Daniella?"
AHAHHAAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Is that a good enough reason?
".....No, but I'm going to say yes, because I'm trying to pretend to be disturbed."
Good for you.
*Knock knock*
"Who's there?" Deadpool asked.
"Twilight." Twilight's voice called.
"Twilight who?"
"Twilight Sparkle... you know tha-"
"Couldn't resist. Come in."
Twilight and Fluttershy entered the cottage.
"Haaaai." Deadpool greeted. "So what's the test?"
"Have you ever taken one of those tests that tell you things about your personality?" Twilight asked.
I have.
"Uhh, sure." Deadpool said.
"This is like one of them, it measures your kindness."
"Wouldn't it have been better to do that first?"
"Then it wouldn't be worth doing the previous tests if we knew how you were going to react. This way, we can find another method of fixing you, one that will definitely have better results. Are you ready?" Twilight asked.
"Ready as I ever will be." Deadpool answered.
{Not very.}
...Shutup.
_____________________________________________________________
To be continued in the next issue!
By the way...
This is definitely nearing it's end.
Definitely.
But I have some GOOD ideas for it!
{What good ideas?}
Soon.
{But we're the caption boxes, we won't tell n-}
SOON!
[I didn't get a say he-]
SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON-uh.
Issue #29: Be kind... use your head, and mind already!: Part 2
Deadpool vs Equestria
Issue #29
Previously on Deadpool vs Equestria...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dSK144dQhfM
Extreme.
_____________________________________________________
{Okay... that wasn't an honest recap, and we need to start giving honest recaps, because we're running out of relevant recaps.}
[That doesn't mean we have to stop.]
{But what if this attracts the attention of certain people who like to click on the middle chapter because they're certain people, and they can't be bothered to go to the first chapter?}
[Don't some people sometimes buy issues that aren't the first in their story-line, and have to rely on 'The last issue' page to know where they are?]
{Isn't this fan-fiction?}
[Aren't the chapters all called 'Issues?']
{Fuck you?}
[...]
{Anyway. Twilight quizzes Deadpool as the penultimate FINAL BOSS. YAAAY!}
_______________________________________________________
"How's everyone doing here? Oh, you killed yourself, ha. The Pizzeria, GRAPEFRUIT! Don't care. Yard Sale? Hello there, well hello to you, sir, oh, now you're in half. Keep walking forward? Don't mind if I do! Bla-"
"Hold on there," Twilight interrupted, "I asked you, how would you describe your life as it goes every day, remember? Well... make it coherent and not what you... apparently say all the time."
"Oh." Deadpool said in apparent realization. "Okay. Usually I do anything, and weird explosive stuff happens. For reference, I compare it to Happy Wheels, except with walking and running and occasional driving and actual irresponsible fathers."
"...Okay... do you have a family?" Twilight asked.
"Trip." He answered.
"...What?"
"Trip. Trip is a person."
"Right... and is there anypony- ...hm... any...body else who's part of the family?" Twilight inquired.
"Grace."
"...Okay. And who are they to you?"
"I like to assume I'm their friend so I can tell Trip he's depressed and tell Grace she's pregnant and then unintentionally flirt with Trip and then intentionally flirt with Grace and then say the word 'melon' and that seems to get me kicked out-"
"That's... not family. Just... no," Twilight interrupted. "Any -actual- family members?"
"None more crazy than me, and are therefore, uninteresting!" Deadpool answered.
"Actually, I'm rather interested if they don't try to hurt oth-"
"Duodenum." Deadpool said.
Twilight cleared her throat.
She then proceeded to magically levitate a book she brought with her, and throw it at Deadpool's head.
"OW!" Deadpool exclaimed in painful feeling, which is a bad thing to feel.
"Concentrate, please." Twilight said.
"Fine."
"Now... what kind of anatomy would one expect to find in humans?" Twilight curiously asked.
"I could show you instead of tell you."
"That comes after the tests... it'll be over soon."
"Well. Two arms. That'd be the fore...legs... only with hands which have fingers. Kinda like Spike's fingers, but not scaly, and only the less freaky people don't grow their nails. Some just get fake nails because they're weird. Then the hind legs are just legs. We're kinda mammals, and we look like more handsome apes. Well, except for the ones that happen to have so much body hair they remind people of apes. But meh. And the legs have feet. Which have toes. They're like fingers, but are just there to keep us from falling over. They kinda balance us and stuff."
Deadpool took a deep breath, and looked at Twilight who seemed to be eagerly writing down notes on what he was saying. She noticed he had paused, and looked at him. "Err... continue."
I must bore her... with repressed knowledge... it is my DUTY TO EARTH! ATTAAAAACK!
-----Point of View: Angel Bunny-----
Angel Bunny looked through little binoculars (Little by Pony standards, they fit him just perfectly) and saw Deadpool rambling on about stuff to Twilight Sparkle, who was writing down notes onto a notepad with her magic. Next to him were Fuzzy Ferret and Cutie Mouse. A frown found its way onto Angel's face as he put the binoculars down from the tree he and his companions were sitting on.
"What are they doing down there?" Fuzzy asked.
"Talking... just... talking." Angel answered.
"What are they talking about?" Fuzzy asked.
"I dunno." Angel answered.
"But you were watching them, right?" Fuzzy asked.
"That doesn't mean I can hear them, Fuzzy. That's what the other group are for. They're going to deliver sound to us for your method of communication."
"Ah, good."
...
"What was my method of communication again?" Fuzzy asked.
"Ugh..." Angel groaned. "Your method of long-range communication was attaching a small plant pot after cleaning and cutting out the bottom of it, to each end of a string. However, that idea wasn't thought out at all, because string is for attaching things. So we turned it into a tube instead, so the sound could actually travel through."
"Oh..."
"...Um... are you sure it'll work out fine?" Cutie asked.
"It better. Or we'll need Tim to come up here and try his lip-reading technique. And he's decidedly afraid of heights." Angel explained.
"Where's Fluttershy?" Fuzzy asked.
"She's over there." Angel pointed to Fluttershy who was outside the cottage, following the routinely animal caretaking rather cheerfully.
"Oh."
Angel saw Miss Rabbit wave from the window inside Fluttershy's cottage. Instinctively, he waved back. As he looked around him, the other two were giving him a look.
"...Th-that's the signal, I guess..." Angel said. "I'll just test if they can hear us." He motioned for Cutie to give him the plant pot. She complied, and he took it. He spoke into the plant pot. "Hello?"
"HELLOOOOOOOO!" Hyper yelled. "CAN YOU HEAR US!?"
... ...What
"...Y-yes... we can hear you..." Angel answered, You loud, obnoxious... WEIRDO. "What's going on over there?"
"Has Deadpool broken Twilight and made her his speaking cohort?" Fuzzy asked. It was Angel's turn to give him a look.
"Actually, Deadpool seems to be speaking intelligently and allowing Twilight to take notes about how the anatomy of humans works." Miss Rabbit's voice answered.
"...It's the other way around..." Fuzzy whispered... "I knew Twilight was destined for greatness..."
"Fuzzy..." Angel said, "Shutup."
-----
"Aaaand..." Deadpool finished... "That is why Anime hair is greater than real-life hair."
Twilight had finished noting down all of the information Deadpool had given (also remembering to cross out anything that may have become rather inappropriate to her knowledge later such as that time when), but was kind of expecting a bit more, as made evident by her having nearly the same expression she had whenever Deadpool paused, only with a bit of a grin that was rather disturbing.
[You haven't even tired her out.]
WHAT IS WRONG WITH THESE NERDS!?
{Oi.]
"That's all I got." Deadpool said. Twilight looked a little bit disappointed but shrugged. "Well, I have one question left on the actual test anyway, so I might as well ask you."
"You had three questions, and the first two were 'What is my everyday life' and 'Do you have a family?'" Deadpool asked, scratching his head.
"We wanted to keep things simple. I had assumed you weren't very knowledgeable... not to say that you weren't intelligent, but-"
"You thought I was stupid?" Deadpool interrupted.
He received a book to the head. "OW!"
"Let me finish," Twilight insisted, "Not to say that you were 'stupid,' but more that you're ignorant. After all, I don't think one of small knowledge could get you and Pinkie out of a heavily fortified place such as they place she described."
"Well, the Author isn't one for detail, but he did try to make the Helicarrier as difficult as- Wait, huh?" Deadpool asked.
"Hm? Author?" Twilight asked.
Yes?
{No, she's asking what he means by Author.}
Oh. Aw...
"No, I meant, Pinkie told you all about what happened?" Deadpool asked.
"She did," Twilight answered, "She said how she got into a lot of danger, but you decided to go out and save her, and get her back home. The latter of which you didn't seem sure of doing, but still."
"And... even though she was put in danger... by professional heroic professional commando professionals... who are professionals at their job... you're still trying to help me?" Deadpool asked... just to be sure.
"Well, we learned our lesson with the Discord incident," Twilight explained, "... The one after the first one we were around for."
"Wasn't Discord the cross-dresser?" Deadpool queried.
"...Not sure where you got that information, but I think you mean, his entire body is a mixup of other animals... kind of like a Chimera, except... he was a Draconequus."
"I dunno what that is, but he sounds awesome."
"...Shouldn't we get on with the last question for our test?" Twilight asked.
"Sure."
"Are you satisfied with who you are?" Twilight asked.
...
...
...
...
"Yep, I'm good with it." Deadpool answered, finally.
"...You sure?" Twilight asked.
"Yeah. Why wouldn't I be?"
"Why would you be?"
"...I dunno why not." Deadpool said. "But I think this was fun."
"One more question came to mind." Twilight said, quickly.
BUCKING... BUCK.
"...YEAH. What is it?" Deadpool asked, exasperatedly.
"Who's this 'Author' character you mentioned?"
Oh, it's me.
"...Um..."
Twilight raised an eyebrow, then gave a rather judgemental stare, as if she was trying to figure out the possibilities of his answer.
"GOTTA GO, BYE!" Deadpool ran to the window and jumped out of it, and attempted to teleport to the roof of the cottage.
He teleported back to the cell.
No-one there this time.
"Huh." Deadpool said, shrugging. He looked around, and there was that creepy Author look-a-like again who needs a name.
"Hello." The man waved.
"...Hi." Deadpool waved with a hand, remembering he'd have them digits back again.
"My name is-"
He teleported back to Equestria without learning that interesting man's name. Oh well, at least he was on the roof again.
Meanwhile, inside the cottage, Twilight waited for him to get off the roof and come back. For about five minutes, before Fluttershy came back inside the cottage. Twilight just said to her that the test was over, and she would be heading back to the library, which she trotted out of the cottage to do. But as her hoof stepped on the grass, she looked back at the cottage.
"Don't think you've avoided me that easily, Deadpool," Twilight said to herself, "I'm on to you... and your friend, 'Author' too."
Then she giggled to herself. "I've read one too many drama novels." Before trotting over to the library.
_______________________________________________________
To be continued in the next issue.
I hate myself now.
{Why?}
I get the feeling I made Twi look bipolar in this issue.
{Why?}
She was like, Grr... and then, haha, at the end of the issue. Basically, she pulled a Wiseau.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zLhoDB-ORLQ
[We'll let the comments decide, idiot.]
{Why?}
...shutup
Author's Notes:
Seriously though... kinda disappointed in myself. Did you think it was funny?
I tried, okay?
Issue #30: Be kind, and rhyme with kind.
Deadpool Vs. Equestria
Issue #30
Previously on Deadpool vs Equestria...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nmjAGsdv2-g
Imagine that. But it's Twilight. Scary.
___________________________________________________________________
Fluttershy looked up at Deadpool, who was resting on the roof of Fluttershy's cottage.
"Deadpool, what are you doing up there?" Fluttershy called.
"When I said there weren't any Rice Krispies left... what I meant to say was... there was only enough left for me... sorry." Deadpool replied... kind of. Fluttershy wasn't sure if that really was the reason he went up there, or if he was even replying to her.
"...Deadpool, what are you doing up there?" Fluttershy called again.
"Could you repeat that?" Deadpool asked.
"Why are you up there?"
"I thought you asked something else... oh well. I'm trying to stay away from Twilight." He answered.
"She said the test was over, you know. Um... You didn't... say anything to offend her, did you?"
"No, but I did confuse her!"
-----
Twilight looked at two books simultaneously. One was something about writing stories (Which was rather taxing, since she knew a lot about that subject, but figured she'd give it a read to help her figure this thing out) and the other was meant to give ponies an idea about mental illness.
"I have come to a conclusion, that this Author character could be one of two things... using scientific reasoning, of course..."
"Either the Author is some sort of anomaly in his brain, an imaginary voice or friend... or worse..."
I'm real?
"Deadpool is the Author and writes his own fictional works... that would be horrific to witness."
...FffffffffffffffffffffffffffUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-
-----
"-Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh." Deadpool ugh'ed.
"...W-where d-did... why?" Fluttershy stammered.
"...I don't know why, but I feel like someone important is unsatisfied." Deadpool explained.
"...Who?" Fluttershy asked.
"And now they're asking questions..." Deadpool said, face-hooving. It was very painful. "Ow." It was very sad.
"Are you alright?" Fluttershy asked.
"Yeah... facepalming is really hard in this world, it would appear to seemingly appearingly seem...memes.
{Author, are you trying to use a lot of wo-}
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-
{...Okay}
"Just come down from there, okay?" Fluttershy requested. "Twilight's at the library, she can't do anything to you from there... if you're afraid of her doing... things... that is..."
Deadpool thought for a moment, before eventually complying and jumping down. He made sure to land on his hooves. His hind legs didn't hurt too much. His forelegs did, however. Probably because he's used to landing on his ankles on Earth, and his nervous system still thinks he's on Earth... or something.
Anyway, he stumbled a bit, until he fell in front of Fluttershy. He quickly stood up. He fell to his side. He tried to stand up. He punched himself in the face with his right forehoof.
[What the hell is go-]
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-
Deadpool stopped punching himself and thought to himself... I wonder why the Author is mad. Maybe it's related to Twilight Sparkle and X-23 being related. Or maybe he just wants to be noticed.
"...W-what's h-happening?" Fluttershy asked, now worried for Deadpool's safety, and her own.
"I really... do not know." Deadpool answered.
"Come inside, we'll figure this out for a moment, okay?" Fluttershy asked.
"No, I'm fine."
"No, I insist." Fluttershy insisted.
"Well-"
FFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-
"...Okay."
-----Point of View: Angel Bunny-----
Angel, Miss Rabbit, Cutie Mouse, and Hyper Hamster all sat on the tree branch they sat on when they watched Deadpool and Twilight. Fuzzy Ferret wasn't present as he wanted to visit his mother, and Tim is afraid of heights, even though cats always land on their feet. Although, then again, cats aren't invincible.
Angel looked confusedly at Fluttershy and Deadpool as they walked inside the cottage. "Why does Deadpool seem more... unstable? He's attacking himself. A lot."
"We can only hope that knocks some sense into him." Miss Rabbit mused.
"I hope he's alright..." Cutie said.
"He probably is," Angel assumed, "After all, you and Hyper said he was near-indestructible."
"We didn't mean it that way..." Cutie admitted, "We just meant he survived something that didn't look like anything living could..."
"Oh. Right."
"What exactly did it feel like in the human world?" Miss Rabbit asked.
"Scary..." Cutie answered...
"Intense!" Hyper answered.
"Lonely..."
"Adventurous!"
...
"Pointless." The both of them said simultaneously.
"Sounds like it could kill some time." Miss Rabbit mused.
"It's very dangerous, Miss Rabbit..." Cutie said.
"Oh well. Angel, do you think you could accompany me in case I do indeed meet a rather terrible fate?"
"Oh. Uh. Sure." Angel accepted.
"There you go. Not going to be too dangerous." Miss Rabbit said to Cutie, shrugging.
-----
FFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
{See... that's just unexplained.}
And I didn't have the amount of writing ideas I thought I had. Oh well. At least the last one was funny, apparently.
fuuuuhhhh.
Author's Notes:
Hey guys.
Do you think I should make a fic about the Woodland 6?
I.E: Angel Bunny and the five animal friends I made up, Hyper Hamster, Miss Rabbit, Cutie Mouse, Fuzzy Ferret and Tim, incidentally a cat?
If so... do you know any/are a good drawer? Because I think if I wanted a fic like that, I'd need good cover art. Yeah.
Just a thought, if you're interested.
Issue #31: You didn't need them anyway
Deadpool Vs. Equestria
Issue #31
Previously, now I finally have a fitting video explanation
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vb80NQP3to0
__________________________________________________________________________-----=
Before we continue, I'd like to apologize for my outlandish behaviour yesterday.
I yelled at Deadpool, I yelled at White Caption Box, I yelled at Yellow Caption Box, I yelled at myself when I wasn't noticed by Tar- Twilight. It's all better now.
Yep.
We're gonna continue now.
FFFF-
________________________________________________________________-
Deadpool and Fluttershy entered the cottage. Deadpool sat on the couch.
"Do you have any bruises?" Fluttershy asked.
"I think I have a few on my face. And my side. It'll all heal, though." He answered.
"I'll get something for that." Fluttershy said.
"I heal fast. Really fast."
"I know that, but I should still help you." She then trotted off into the kitchen.
Ugh...
{You have to admire how nice she's being. Giving unnecessary treatment. Reminds me of that movie Misery.}
I've never watched that.
{You mean you're making me assume I wasted (Insert number of minutes film took) minutes of my life?}
Well, to be fair, I'm writing this.
{...shutupmeg}
[I wonder if she's really just mad at you and is really going into the kitchen to stab you with knives.]
{No, surely she's just getting some cold meat for them bruises.}
[Ponies don't eat meat. Why would she have meat lying around?]
{...You're right... damn it.}
[I can only imagine this as the result...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=04KVVq3IySA
]
{You see, now I can tell we're going to be okay, because she's probably not going to be interested in that, and she said 'ALL', not BOTH. Either Deadpool grew more balls as he lived, which would be rather uncomfortable and creepy, or you're just doing that to humour and/or scare us.}
[Can I say both?]
If Lily says you didn't need them anyway, you really didn-
"I-i'm back." Fluttershy called, before walking into view, wearing a saddlebag. She reached into it with her mouth, and pulled out an ice pack, before adjusting it to hold it on her hoof.
{...}
[...Okay.]
Fluttershy pressed the ice pack to the side of Deadpool's face.
Cold.
Too big, if it even appears correctly.
{...?}
FFFFffuck you, I want it related.
"Flutters, it's kinda cold." Deadpool complained.
Fluttershy quickly held the ice pack away from Deadpool. "S-sorry..."
"S'fine."
{Well. I don't really know what to do.}
[It's always 'me, me, me' isn't it?]
{Do you have a better idea?}
[No, not really. I've been waiting for a chance for it to be 'ME, me, me'.]
{How was your day author?}
I was mayor for a while.
{Cool.}
"So how are ya?" Deadpool asked.
{Hey! Don't you try to have conversations over our conver-}
"All the better for being next to you." Fluttershy said.
{NO, DAMNIT!}
What just happened?
[Just look at her for a moment.]
Deadpool complied, and looked Fluttershy in the face. She looked relatively normal. Until he blinked twice. She looked different in the time during his first blink. He blinked one more time, and now when he looked at her, it seemed as though she was giving him the bedroom eyes.
Wha?
{You know how your Pool-O-Vision sometimes eats the back of your brain?}
Kinda.
{It usually likes to amplify your libido at times. Or at least just give it a bit of meat to chew on. And we're assuming that your libido kind of adapts to this place too. So now... Pool-O-Vision has become... Pony-O-Pay-Per-Vision... or somethin.' Hence your slight attraction to Pinkie before.}
[Wait... where's the Author?]
-----
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8fc2CfBQD70
[HEY!]
Oh... hi.
[GET OVER HERE!]
Agh. Stop dragging me.
[I'm not, you're willingly walking.]
Damnit.
-----
[Write this.]
Alrighty, but can I at least multitask? Please?
{If you're good at it. Meanwhile...}
Deadpool punched himself in the face. With hooves, it hurt intensely.
"O-oh no, i-is it happening a-again?" Fluttershy asked.
"No, that was intentional." Deadpool admitted.
"W-why?"
"I see things. Some are good, some are bad, some are so good they're bad and vice versa." He explained.
"W-well... what did you see?" She asked.
"One of the good and bad thingies."
"A-and... that was?"
"Uhh... A bear on a motorcycle."
Fluttershy's eyes widened. "W-what's a motorcycle? Did something happen to one of the bears?"
"No... I was hallucinating, remember?"
"O-oh... good..." Fluttershy sighed, relieved.
{Phew. I thought she was gonna ask questions for a long time. Questions Only only works in real life.}
[Only only only only onlyleon... you come and go...]
{What...}
[It's the best I could come up with!]
{Get out of here!}
[...I'm sorry...]
{Go on. Get.}
[
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=01vfavRV_aE
]
{Bye.}
"Ow." Deadpool complained.
"Bruises again?" Fluttershy asked.
"No, one of those voices that help me get by just got evicted from making a terrible joke, and my head hurts whenever things like this happen. That, and the joke was really bad, too." He explained.
"...Um... okay."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZV1t-Gsmdt4
"Hey, Fluttershy?" Deadpool asked.
"Hm?"
"What's your test gonna be like?"
"Oh... it'll be very simple." Fluttershy answered.
"How simple?"
"So simple we could do it right here, right now." She said.
{No, Pool-O-Vision, not that 'it.'}
...
[It's not answering.]
{It doesn't have a voice... why.}
"Okay... new question. Why exactly are your friends helping me with this before I go? Kind of a lost cause, isn't it?" He asked.
"Well... you've protected Pinkie on numerous occasions. Always made sure she was alright. If you could do that for her, you could always use your abilities for good in your world." She told him.
"But I don't wanna. I'm not the hero type. I leave that stuff to The Avengers. They only let the hero-types in anyways, they'll never let me join."
"Who're the Avengers?" She asked.
"A group of those guys with superpowers who decided to use their powers to battle those guys with superpowers who decided to use their powers to be bad people. I just use mine to get money and make a living and stuff."
"Well... how did all that kind of thinking come about?" She inquired.
"Some time ago, stuff happened in Canada. Then later, stuff happened in stuffland. Then, a guy got confused and said I was a guy from DC Comics. Screw that guy, I'm Deadpool. Then they made me a villain. I didn't say much to remember. Then I did other stuff, such as have my own adventures and work my way into fame! In real life. But anyway, then came the 2000s, and I started appearing in vidyah games, such as that one in which the X-Men did stuff they shoulda done in their animated series, only this time I'm not a silent cameo. Then I was in that one where everyone fought a really good villain because he wasn't too villainous at times, but here he was being really evil and stuff, and so we had to fight him and we won, but I wasn't significant in it. Not in the next instalment either. Then I started to just appear from time to time as an extra character, then they announced I'm getting my own video game! Nice! Then, they took some comic book pages out of DC's book and did a sort reboot... or maybe relaunch is a different thing. Anyway, now I'm in that team of Thunderbolts. They used to be attacking me back in 2008, but now I seem to be in their team. Nice and all, but I'm still waiting for my g-"
"U-um..." Fluttershy interrupted, now thankful that Deadpool noticed this, "That's a bit... too much incoherent information... but... whatever you want to do is fine..."
"Right. Err. ...I dunno. Read the back issues." He said.
"... U-um... you seem to be suggesting... you have some sort of... documented story that people read..."
"Yeah." He confirmed, nodding.
"I like that."
Deadpool blinked. "Could you repeat that?"
"I-i said I'm feeling a l-little b-bit worried now..."
"Alright."
{This entire conversation is beginning to get slightly boring.}
Are we not entertaining enough for you?
{You must get this test she said she could do today over and done with... then, GO HOME.}
But she said that during Pool-O-Vision, she probably didn't even say it!
{I don't care, just try it anyway.}
"Uh. 'Kay. So. Uh... Fluttershy." Deadpool began.
"Hm?"
"Can we do that last test just now?" He asked.
"O-oh... u-um... okay..."
"What does it involve?" Deadpool asked, before being hugged.
{Okay. What.}
[He's being hugged. It's a friend of signship.]
{What the hell are you doing back here?}
[I got kinda bored of walking around carrying a board of wood and raising my voice just to say 'HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.']
{...}
I'm being hugged. Why?
{Because the Author wrote it to be really miss-able and now he's trying to make it more obvious.}
Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?
Fluttershy let go of him. Deadpool looked at her for a moment. Then out the window. Then at one of his hooves. Then at a part of the couch. Then at that Cry Alarm. Then at Fluttershy again.
"What was that for?" He asked... not really hostile about it.
"J-just showing you that kindness can be as simple as being near others... without hurting them..." She answered quietly.
[Bullshit.]
{Well, not really, because nice people have been nice while hugging othe-}
[Bullshit...]
{It can't be, because it just happ-}
[BUUUULLLLLLLL. SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!!!!]
'So can I go home now?' was what Deadpool wanted to ask. But it just didn't seem right to him.
Yes it did!
Did it really? Just think about it.
YOU CAN'T CHANGE THE WAY I THINK! YAAAARRRRGGGHHHHH!
Shush, Stanley.
So instead, he said, "Thanks... I.. guess."
That's the way I think, but I didn't want to say that! YOU DIABOLICAL IDIOT!
That's no way to talk to your acquaintance who would have become your friend by now if he was in the same place as you. But he's in the real world, where you didn't like the cake I offered.
Whu-
"A-anyway..." Fluttershy began, "It's starting to get a bit late, so you can leave Equestria tomorrow. We'll have to see if Weasel wants to leave too. You might go back by yourself, depending on what he wants to do..."
"It'll be fine. Weasel always bounces back. He's bouncy."
"...O-okay then... goodnight..." Fluttershy said, before trotting up her stairs. Deadpool looked outside. It was indeed nighttime. He scratched his head for a moment, confused about... something. Then, he went to the couch, and began to sleep.
Weasel'll come back for sure. He always comes back for more when the writers decide to include him in a series. It'll be just like old times.
Right?
__________________________________________________________________________-
To be continued in the next issue!
{Why is your daytime and nighttime stuff so hackneyed?}
I don't know what you're talking about.
{...Shutup.]
Author's Notes:
Sorry, WiseFox, I wasn't able to include you in this. It wouldn't have made sense.
I would have made a scene where you and the guy who looks like me both appear on the Helicarrier again.
But things would have been too obvious.
Have a good day, everyone.
Issue #32: It Begins
Previously on Deadpool Vs. Equestria...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=01vfavRV_aE
And so it continues.
Deadpool Vs. Equestria
Issue #32
IT BEGINS
[What begins?]
{You'll find out...}
[Do you know?]
{Not really, no. But we'll find out soon.}
[Where's the Author?]
{He left a note that said 'Keep a watchful eye while you write,' whatever that means. Before that, he mentioned cereal.}
[I sense conspiracies.]
{No you don't.}
_________________________________________________-------====
Deadpool saw blackness everywhere. He could not see. He was blind. BLIND!
"No, my eyes are closed. Because you're taking over for the Author again." Deadpool complained.
[Yeah, fine, we'll let you open your eyes.]
...
[Hello?]
"I'm not waking up until I get wake-up music."
{...Seriously?}
"Ssserious."
[I know just the thing.]
{Yes, you does.}
...
{No, no, not that song.}
[Trust me, this version is better.]
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g-eOwNXA_EQ
{I hate it when you're right.}
[Muyaahaha.]
{Sad mode activate.}
*BOOP!*
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zbgBU25Tsm0
Deadpool was now sad.
"Guy over there... play that instrument of soul...stuff." Deadpool said to himself, and the music began.
Deadpool had a lot to think about.
Weasel is his friend, isn't he? Sure, he annoyed him at times. He even took that last cheesy puff. It was Deadpool's, and his alone. But Weasel also helped with many things. Like that time he tried to find Tolliver's Will, or when stuff with Cable happened. He wasn't there to hear him say 'The sphincter says what?' but he was still there for him. If Deadpool was Castor Troy, Weasel would be like Pollux. He even looks like the actor, Alessandro Nivola. It's just there's not a problem with the shoes. We've not really watched that movie, just seen clips, and Pollux seems to have a shoelace problem. He could be the mascot for the Author's Shoelace sketches. Anyway. Deadpool remembers that one time when he and Weasel fell out, he Tivo'd all those episodes of Battlestar Galactica.
And Weasel'd left the series a lot of times, but he always came back. So why wouldn't he come back now? He's probably really happy to be here, and he's gonna use those times Deadpool abused him as excuses. They wouldn't be good excuses, but he'd stick to them. And now that Deadpool's learned how valuable friendship can be (Somehow), he's not feeling so sure he can let that go anymore.
Sadness... end.
Fluttershy walked downstairs, and looked to Deadpool. "S-so um... d-do you want to go?" She asked.
"Well, Flutters, I gotta. I'm not very compatible with all the cutesy-wootsey stuff," He said. "So when do we go?"
"...W-we can go now, if you like... Weasel said he'd start up the portal... he didn't say if he'd be coming along, h-however."
"...Right. Okay. Let's go."
[Muahaha.]
Deadpool stared at Fluttershy. Fluttershy stared at Deadpool.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q_6x3EW3FC0
Hey, this sounds like my jam- WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!?
[...Having some fun being author?]
You can't do that! It only works if it's Pinkie Pie!
{Why isn't it?}
I don't know, he's just not that interesting to them anymore!
{I thought we established his libido was adaptable.}
It doesn't work!
[What?]
It doesn't work!!
{I really think we should give this relationship thing a try. Just for fun. Who knows, it could catch on.}
How is that going to catch on!?
{Think about it... the really... weird guy who does bad things... and the cute one who sees good in him.}
Cliché.
{... Wah.}
Why am I being related to Tom Cruise yet again?
{W-well... your Recluse story is just another OCxMane6 story!}
How dare you... I don't need reminding of that! I need to be able to think I accomplished something!
{You made it happen rather early, didn't you?}
I was new, and I wasn't writing this at the time!
{Are you sure?}
Not really...
{We'll talk later.}
___________________________________________________________________________
Deadpool and Fluttershy walked through the fields, on the way to Weasel's house.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X2lkvrMa27c
[Huh?]
{Works.}
Deadpool thought about other things.
Back home, he wasn't that liked. He had a few friends. There's Outlaw, but we haven't seen much of her, and Applejack looks too much like her. Which reminds me, how come no-one's made a fanfic about Outlaw going to Equestria, like Deadpool has many, many times, and they frequently mistake her for Applejack, and vice versa? Or even better, Outlaw taking the place of Applejack, and Applejack becomes Outlaw in the Marvel universe? USE THOSE IDEAS!
And there's Cable... I don't think so. Bob... meh, I'll wait and see if he turns up somewhere. I wonder where Sandi is. Hm. There's Weasel! ...No, he's already here. What about Dirk Anger? ...Who was that again?
Yeah, there were about a few people Deadpool know wouldn't mind him coming back. A few. Everyone else seems to get along fine without him. So would it be worth going back?
No. No it wouldn't. It wouldn't really be worth going anywhere. You could traverse the galaxy, until you went to a planet called Traal, and face the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal, which was in fact rather ravenous, and it was so stupid that if you were to use your towel to cover your vision by placing it over your head it would assume that as you couldn't see it, it couldn't see you, *Catch breath* but even then, nobody's really accomplished anything. Really they should just stay at home, doing things that don't help anyone, such as watch television, go on the internet, watch television on the internet, watch internet on the television, and other things.
What a good life we lead.
It seems I spent my non-existent budget with that large monologue, so now I can only sum up Deadpool's feeling in only a few words before I can afford to write the rest of this chapter.
Deadpool is feeling very reluctant, about a very, very good thing he can do, which is go home to a very, very, very insignificant but homely place which is most certainly called Earth. Or he could just argue with Marvel and try to re-instate the Deadpool Corps, but there's a very, very, very, very, very low chance of that happening, but it would be very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, VERY, very, very, very good indeed.
I know I said a few words, but I got a money loan from White Caption Box. He is most displeased. Isn't that right, White Caption Box?
{Go fuck yourself.}
[Can we get to the part where they arrive at Weasel's house?]
Oh, sure. Let's do all the things that YOU wanna do. This is my last chapter before I become a major running gag for the remainder of this series, SO LET ME ENJOY MYSELF!
{...wut?]
___________________________________________________________________________
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_syaDfOFbRs
They arrived at Weasel's house, after Deadpool had to listen to me being sorry for myself mysteriously while Fluttershy was mostly unaware, a term which here means, 'Looked back to check on Deadpool when he started to look distressed, humoured and/or pained. They entered the house, and found Weasel looking at the portal, which was currently not operating. It looked like one of those scenes where someone looks at something that they know they should probably do/enter/appreciate for the great thing they are, but are reluctant to do so as they have something else they could do, which they would really love to do.
"...Hey, Weas." Deadpool greeted, oddly sombrely. Weasel looked back.
"...Hey, Wade." Weasel greeted, also sombrely.
"...How you doin'?" Wade asked.
"...Meh. What about you?"
"...Meh."
Fluttershy looked at the two of them, as she wondered what Weasel what do, and how Deadpool would react.
"...So... you going, or staying?" Deadpool asked.
"Dunno. Is there anything left for me, or you, for that matter?"
Deadpool had to think about that...
"Get back to me in Seven and a Half million years..." Deadpool attempted to joke.
"We'll be dead by then." Weasel said, trying to suppress a chuckle.
"Maybe..." Deadpool said. Until something had occurred to him.
"But you know... it doesn't really matter if there's anything for us anywhere, is there? I mean, us two, we discovered this place that only existed in dreams. That's like a holiday, but we're not on Earth. Isn't that the most awesome thing you've done? I mean, I've been other dimensions, sure, but... not a place like this. Here, the people aren't gonna bite you, just the animals. Besides the ponies, that is. They're gonna do their best to help you, no matter what. And whether we accept their help is up to us.
"But look at it this way..." he continued, "Was there anything for us in Equestria before we ended up here? Not really. It doesn't matter if we have people expecting us in places, or if the world wants you dead..." Fluttershy whimpered at that, "...Or... if the world doesn't like you, we'll say... as sentient beings, we can do whatever we like. We can go wherever we like. And we can have whatever we like. After earning it. So, who cares if the world doesn't care? Let's just go home, for the hell of it, whaddya say?" He asked, with much hope, even holding out his hoof for a bro-hoof.
Weasel stood there... and considered...
"No."
Deadpool twitched. He looked back at Fluttershy, who was now looking at him in the way a mom would tell their son 'Do the right thing.' Deadpool then slowly retracted his hoof slowly. Nevertheless...
"...Just kidding?" Weasel added, uncertainly, before giving him a shaky bro-hoof, certainly avoiding what might have been Deadpool's wrath.
"Alright then, I'll start the Portal up so we can go." Weasel said, walking over to some controls and, hesitantly, began pressing the buttons.
"Well... goodbye, Fluttershy. Thanks for helping me with things. Say bye to everypony for me, 'kay?" Deadpool said, noticing that, at the moment, no-one had gathered to see him leave. Sadface.
"Are you sure you have to go now?" Fluttershy asked. "They should be here in at least a few minutes."
"Hmm..." Deadpool decided to think.
And after the Portal finally started... in a rather discrete, graceful, and epic manner, though not discrete enough for the ponies in the room to notice...
Deadpool exploded into blue energy.
Needless to say, it was a very strange jumpscare. Weasel jumped back, yelping, while Fluttershy screamed, and covered her eyes with her hooves.
About five seconds later, the blue energy all focused to the spot of Deadpool's disappearance, and into a floating see-through sphere. It then began getting larger, until it was apparent it was changing shape. A humanoid shape, to be exact. After the blank human was made, further detail was added, giving it a dark shade of red, dark circles surrounding the eyes, and black trim on the torso and upper legs.
Weasel stared at it for a moment...
...
...
"DEADPOOL!?"
"Whatever happened to 'Wade,' Weas?" Deadpool asked, before staring at him commenced. "What?" He asked accusingly.
Weas pointed at him. Wade interpreted it as looking behind him. Wade shrugged at Weas confusedly. Then noticed he just shrugged the way he used to. He took a look at his hands, which were back. Then at Weas, who was still a pony, and at Fluttershy, who was obviously still going to be a cute pony.
Then Deadpool took a moment to declare the words 'Hells yeah' loudly.
"HELLLLZ YEEEAAAAAH!" He declared triumphantly.
{You didn't have to say it twice.}
I didn't. I added 'triumphantly' at the end, making it a different sentence.
{You're an idiot.}
"W-wade..." Weasel stammered, "Y-you're..."
"Human? Of course I am, and good-lookin' as ev-"
"You're see-through!" Weasel interrupted.
Deadpool looked at himself. "No I'm not..." he defended quietly.
"Y-y-you are..." Fluttershy said.
"Good morning, everyone..." came a familiar voice. It was first heard in a mini-issue that I had deemed 'pointless,' and included a scene where they visited Applejack, and I included a character someone wanted me to include, because I'm a nice person. And now, I made him significant.
Appearing next to Deadpool was a caucasian man with a white mohawk with blue trim, wearing jeans, a bluey-slate grey dress shirt, and a white scarf. In essence, he was that ghostly figure named Wisefree, only humanized.
"Hey, it's that guy from the... thing." Deadpool commented.
"Wade, that guy's as transparent as you are!" Weasel cried. Deadpool looked at him, and noticed that Wisefree was transparent. Then, he took a look at Weasel and Fluttershy... and noticed they were also see-through.
"We're not see-through! You're see-through!" Deadpool said, pointing at Weasel.
"Now's not the time for kiddy argumen-"
"No, seriously, you look like ghosts to me!" Deadpool interrupted.
"Of course they do," Wisefree said, "Strictly speaking, we're not in the same dimension as they are."
Then, another familiar person appeared. It was that creepy Author guy from the Helicarrier, only transparent, and jeans and a black jacket. As well as a stetson with a feather attached to it, which looked kinda cool on him.
"But that is going to change soon," Wisefree continued, "In my case, not so much yours."
The creepy guy just rolled his eyes at how evil that sounded.
_____________________________________________________________
{Whaaaaaaa?}
I'm just as confused as you are. Right now it seems that Wisefree is a villain, and that guy who Pinkie thinks is me is an accomplice.
[So what you're trying to say is... the best idea you could think up was by inserting Wise2Fox and yourself as villains just so eventful things could happen?]
Well, Wise is a significant character now, isn't he? And I seriously don't see the resemblance between that creepy guy and myself. Nice style, though.
{You have that hat at home.}
...Shutup.
{And he looks like a guy who lives at home all the time aside from the times we've seen him in other places.}
...Shutup.
{Which is exactly what you look like.}
...
{...}
[...Shutup.]
Author's Notes:
Yeah... I kinda ran out of ideas, so I went with that.
And thought ahead on it a little.
And now I have an ending in mind.
On the bright side, you'll be seeing a lot more of Wisefree, and myself. Yay.
Issue #33: The Rather Interesting Truth
Deadpool Vs. Equestria
Issue #33
Previously on Deadpool Vs. Equestria...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I917Tv20Hd8
_____________________________________________________
...
...
...
{We need our music. In situations like these, we need music.}
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NI_fgwbmJg0
[U-um... not THAT music.]
Oh. Okay.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Cke28SmutY
{That's better. We associate this with his theme music... sometimes.}
On with the show.
Deadpool, now in a ghostly form, looked at two other ghosts, the former unicorn (There's no horn protruding from his head) named Wisefree, and the creepy guy who looks like... that guy.
{You mean you.}
I can see no logical contribution from you telling me that that guy there is a physical representation of me. So shut up.
Now, Weasel and Fluttershy looked at the three ethereal forms. The sounds of hooves trotting from outside were growing closer. Deadpool, upon hearing this, declared,
"Ah, HA! HAAAHAHAHAAHA!" Well, that was kind of a laugh, not a declaration... "Sorry, I just imagined you with that Yuki Yuki Yuki video as your theme song. What I meant to say was, 'Do you hear that? That is the sound of your hands reddening as they get caught.' It was the best I could come up with besides 'Ah hah.'"
"On the contrary," Wisefree replied, "Your hands are redder than mine, in the literal sense." Deadpool deadpanned as he stared at him. "...Just thought I'd point it out."
Eventually, the rest of the Elements had arrived to Weasel's house, along with some of Fluttershy's critters, who, unbeknownst to the ponies and the humans, were members of the Woodland 6. For some reason, Lyra had accompanied them. Probably to say a final goodbye to the humans. Wisefree looked as though he was going to wave to Applejack, but, seeing how the 'Mane 6' couldn't see them, he decided it was futile. Deadpool then remembered that part too, and facepalmed.
They all walked in, and Twilight said, "Hello, everypony!" She looked around. "...Did Deadpool leave without us?"
Then they looked to Pinkie who was making a large gasping sound. She ran over to Deadpool, and said, "HiWadedidyoumeetsomepeoplefromyourworldtheylooklikehumansandsodoesthatguywholooksliketheAuthorandthatguywho *GAAAASP* It's that... Wisefree fellah! How are you?"
As everypony looked to Pinkie confusedly, and were about to dismiss it until Fluttershy said something.
"Y-y-you've met him b-b-before?" She stammered.
"...Fluttershy, what's going on?" Twilight asked.
"Yes, you seem to be... acknowledging the presence of Pinkie's imaginary friend..." Rarity said.
"W-what? Why can't they see them?" Weasel asked.
"I think I know why..." intervened a certain mint unicorn who most certainly went by the name of Lyra Heartstrings.
"C-can you see them?" Fluttershy asked.
"No, but I have been studying a little bit." Lyra answered. "Can I wager a guess that Deadpool is right there, in his human form?"
"That's right." Weasel said. "There's two other guys though, and they're kind of creeping me out. Especially that guy with the hat. He's... just creepy."
The man with the hat raised an eyebrow, then shrugged his shoulders.
"Wasn't there that incident I heard about where Pinkie disappeared along with Deadpool, and they told us they ended up on a certain place called Planet Earth?" Lyra asked, excitedly.
"...Y-yes." Fluttershy answered.
"Well, that leads me to a quick conclusion..." Lyra began, "As I've been studying a bit on dimensional travel, this means that there must be some sort of problem where Deadpool... and those... other two... don't have an originating dimension, and are now stuck in a state where they can only watch what happens in their dimension, and others... correct?"
"...She's good at this." The man admitted.
"You have no idea," Deadpool said. "Neither do I, but I hear rumours." Nevertheless, their voices fell upon deaf ears... except for the ears of Pinkie Pie, Weasel and Fluttershy, but still.
"...The creepy guy says she's right." Weasel said.
"YES!" Lyra cheered, jumping for joy for a little moment.
"I-it's not a good thing..." Fluttershy said, "The... one with the strange hair said something about this being his home dimension... and not Deadpool's."
"Can you guys trust us?" Weasel asked.
Twilight and the others looked skeptical.
"Okay," Twilight decided. "Me and my friends have been through a lot together. And we've learned to trust each other's instincts. Besides, I don't know Fluttershy for being the crazy one."
"What about th' Gala?" Applejack asked.
"Everypony has their angry moments, Applejack," Rarity responded, "Surely we should all know this too."
Fluttershy deadpanned, as they were going on about other things instead of what was apparently important.
"R-right..." Twilight said, after noticing Fluttershy's expression. "What can we do?"
"Nothing." Wisefree answered.
"A few things you can't hear me say." The man answered.
"HELP ME! HELP EVERYONE! AAAAAUUUUUUUH!" Deadpool screamed, comically melting. Before standing up again.
Pinkie looked at Deadpool as if he wasn't really being useful.
"...Could you try and read up on something that'll help?" Deadpool asked.
Pinkie nodded, and looked to Twilight to pass on what he said. Twilight then nodded.
"Lyra, stay here so you can help us with your extra-dimensingal knowledge." He said to Lyra.
When the message was passed on to her, Lyra said, "Dimensional, not Dimensingal."
"NOW IS NOT THE TIME!" Deadpool yelled, causing Fluttershy to cover her ears for a moment.
"He said, 'thanks for pointing out the mistake.'" Pinkie 'translated.'
"Everyone else who can't hear us... along with Pinkie... go do what Twilight says, or something." Deadpool shrugged.
After that message was passed on, everypony addressed nodded, before galloping off with Twilight to find something. Something. Something something something Daaaark siiiiide. Something something something complete-uh.
{Now's not the time to prolong the story.}
I can do what I want because you have made me a gag by comparing a character to myself. I hope you're happy. I never wanted this. Nothing feels right anymore. I'm a freaking side-character/villain/creepy person in your eyes, but in mine, I see a person trying to work hard for anyone who cares. And what do you do?
YOU EAT MY WORDS AND THROW THEM BACK AT ME. Oh, sorry, accidentally caps locked. *Ahem* F-
"So Wisefree," Deadpool began, "Why're you being evil?"
FFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-
"I wouldn't say I'm being evil," he defended himself gently, "I'm just doing what I have to do to survive."
"Huh?"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nNxkhZadMlY
"You see... I don't really know Doctor Whooves. I only told you that story because you and Pinkie seemed to be ordinary residents of this place, despite the temporal energy within you. I just assumed Pinkie Pie being Pinkie Pie rubbed off on you. But then, I saw you leaving through the portal. I had a look at your world, and in doing so, I learned that that is where you come from.
"What happened to me was mostly chance. Of the purpose I have in my dimension, I was telling the truth. I was indeed in a relationship with Applejack back there. I was having a walk by myself, when all of a sudden, these strange bi-pedal creatures in strange gear appeared. I went over to them to ask what they were and what their purpose was, then, they attacked me with something, and I exploded into blue energy, a similar way you did.
"I found myself changed into a similar shape as them, except I had garments that resembled my original appearance in colour. That, and I had my signature white scarf. I still had my horn however. I'll explain why, at the moment, it isn't here later. Anyway, I found I could see into different dimensions of Ponyville, and I found I could change my form into the form I had as a pony, for a period of time, which is how I appeared as a pony when we first met.
"I discovered that I was in a state of temporal collapse. I was doomed to spend my days in no specific dimension, no longer permitted to enter my own, and the only ones able to see me are those imbued with temporal energies absorbed from travelling to other planes of existence. It dawned upon me, that I could try to take a lesser known pony in a different dimension with similar equipment to the ones who attacked me." Wisefree motioned to the man with the hat, "Live Light here, procured the equipment, and allowed me to try."
{He even called you by name.}
My name's not Live Light. It's Author.
[...What?]
Well, you didn't expect me to be called Anon, did you?
{...Nevermind, we'll resolve this later.}
Wisefree continued his backstory.
"It failed. As much as I tried, the pony wouldn't disappear. Light wasn't too sure of why it wouldn't work... but then he suggested I should try it on the 'temporally sensitive.' I had no idea what he meant by that, but after a while, I discovered you. And so, it brings us to this point."
"So... what you're trying to say is... you're going to take my place here?" Deadpool asked.
"I'm not trying to say that, Deadpool... I -am- saying it. I'm terribly sorry that by doing this, you will have nowhere to go, and it will take you a very, very long time to find your home, but I must find a way to return to my home, and that starts with becoming material as soon as possible... before I end up like the ones who brought me to this point."
"And how are you going to do that?" Light asked.
"..."
"...?"
"...I thought you knew, and were about to tell me." Wisefree said.
"...Nope."
"Why would you help me then?"
"I'm not sure. You just seemed like you needed the help."
"Do you know at least one way I can get in?"
"Well, Deadpool's temporal energies are kind of unstable, since he has done it so many times, so, he's about to disappear now. I'm assuming you'll be able to take his place then."
"...What?" Deadpool asked in disbelief. "Disappear? Whaddya mean disappear?"
"Well, you're not gonna die," Light explained, "You're just going to go to a point here in a different dimension because your temporal energies have kind of been eaten a lot by portals. They consume the energies sometimes."
"Well, how am I gonna get back!?" Deadpool yelled, his voice getting a higher pitch.
Light just shrugged, mumbling, 'I dunno.'
"But that means it's possible?" Deadpool asked.
"A little, I'm sure. As far as I've heard."
"How do you know so much?" Deadpool asked.
"Wel-" Light said, before Deadpool's apparition exploded again, causing a scream by the ponies listening, and Lyra, who was noting down what Weasel was muttering of Wisefree's story to her, also screamed, as well as accidentally creating a line over the paper she was writing on.
"...Oh." Wisefree oh'd. "I wasn't expecting that so soon... I hope I can do something to make it up to everypony." He said, as his form grew brighter, and closer to becoming an inhabitant of this Equestria.
"You can try," Light said, "But you'll probably fail."
Wisefree sighed, before exploding himself, and morphing into his normal form... only not transparent.
Light watched as the ponies all looked at him, wide-eyed, wondering what was going to happen next.
...I wonder what's happening on Deadpool's end. He thought.
_____________________________________________________________
Deadpool was flying through some sort of wormhole.
"Hyperspace always looks so freaky," he yelled to himself, "Except now it's even freakier!"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=imXBIlmXcAk
Deadpool landed on some rocky ground. He got up, and rubbed his head. He then took a look at his surroundings.
It was a somewhat dark place, with stone making up for most of the ground, and tall mountains of rock stabbed at the sky like spears and knives. The entire place looked desolate, one might even say abandoned, despite the fact it seemed as though nobody lived here in the first place. The only significant things next to Deadpool was a wooden, broken stump of what might have once been a tree, and what looked like a town in the distance.
"Well... might as well start there..." Deadpool said to himself, running quickly over to the town, to see if there was any civilization in this place.
_______________________________________________________
To be continued in the next issue!
{This fic just got a whole lot more depressing.}
I wholeheartedly agree, this work of fiction has gotten terribly sad. We can only hope that it will take the proverbial happy pills, and become happy again in no time. But in time, we will have fight scenes with weird things that want temporal energy, and we'll eat waffles. WAFFLES!
[I'm just gonna sit here and eat this 'final' waffle. *Chomp*]
...
[What?]
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-
Author's Notes:
Wah.
I wonder if Wise2Fox is still happy with this.
Issue #34: Hostile Environment Number 154
Deadpool Vs. Equestria
Issue #34
Previously on Deadpool Vs. Equestria...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=meOCdyS7ORE
In a sense.
{There is no innocence.}
Shut up.
______________________________________________
And on the 34th issue, an Author from a galaxy further away than this galaxy, which was rather far, far away from our far, far away galaxy far, far away, felt a sudden surge of successful thinking, that he decided to say a few things about life.
In moments where you sit on some chair you've sat on for a few months, and then it breaks. It's rather humiliating. But at least there was nobody around to see it. But yet, you still feel as though something has gone wrong with your life at that point, as the insects that occasionally enter your home look on you with pity, and won't bother biting you, or enslaving your cats and/or dogs/any animal you may have as a pet that has such problems.
And when you look into the stars, you will be able to imagine a disappointed man staring at an appointed man. They are rather opposite, and they intend to kill each other, and they know the one who will win is the guy who intervenes and eats their left feet. Therefore making the appointed man the winner, as the appointed man has a stronger right foot, and the disappointed man had a stronger left foot. However, the intervener will then proceed to eat the appointed man entirely, making the disappointed man the winner. However, this will make him an appointed man, meaning the intervener will think the first appointed man came back to life, and the originally disappointed man will be eaten, which is why the intervener will be the winner of the entire thing.
Makes you think, doesn't it?
{No, it doesn't. Now get back to the freaking story.}
Okay.
Deadpool arrived at that town he saw last issue. He stopped a moment to catch his breath, seeing how he was running all the way (And there was no indication I gave that he stopped running, harr dee harr harr). After that, he decided to enter the town.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NsxYjv_vVSA
The town somehow seemed more lonely than outside, the small buildings crumbled (some still slowly crumbling) and unstable, looking familiar. There was dust all over the place, making the place itself, along with Deadpool, feel extremely dry. He could hear a few snakes slithering and rattling on the ground. When he looked at them, they looked rather large, like anacondas, but grey, like the ground, but a little bit of a lighter shade, so it was somewhat noticeable. It looked like it was made of stone, but Deadpool didn't feel like checking. Instead, he let it move away, as it seemingly ignored him.
He scratched his head. This place was beginning to look like he's been here on some sort of holiday before, and when he returned, it was completely different. There was some sort of sadness he felt from this, which just led to uncertainty. Where exactly was he?
He turned around, and saw a large, dead tree. There were no leaves (Well, it -is- dead), and it looked seriously deteriorated, as though something had eaten into most of it, and then gave up, flying off to whatever den it came from. The snag had a rather noticeable door on the front of it.
Deadpool wondered why someone would build a treehouse that big. He decided to walk over to it. There was some sort of nameplate on the door. He couldn't see what it read, though, for it was covered with dust. He was very curious, so he wiped the dust off with his hand, and read what he saw.
"Stephenie Meyer..."
{...Blink?}
"Sure." Deadpool blinked, and read again.
"Twilight... Sparkle. Hah. Twilight. I wonder if vampires live there."
{...}
"What?"
{...}
He looked at the name again, then at the tree. It dawned upon him that it was Twilight Sparkle's library treehouse.
Which means...
This town is Ponyville...only destroyed. Light -did- mention he was being sent to another version of this place.
But what happened to everypony?
"Hmm." He hmm'd, before knocking on the door, just in case someone happened to be in.
The door fell inside the tree-house's entrance. He couldn't see anything inside, it was pitch black. That usually meant trouble. So he didn't go in, and just walked off.
Only to find a portal, green in colour, was opening with a *fffsssshhhh* sound. He looked at it for a moment, starting to get his hopes up, as if it was a portal he could run through in order to get back.
However, it became obvious that this wasn't so, when something came out of it. It was a sort of humanoid person, wearing a green jacket and yellow trousers, with red, spiky hair. It reminded him of that movie he saw in which a not safe for work imaginary friend visited someone many years after they grew up, and proceeding to annoy, confuse, frighten and appear somewhat controversial when he had his own imaginary friends and stuff. The movie wasn't very good.
Deadpool started to wonder what Drop Dead Fred was doing here. He covered his eyes for a moment.
When he opened them, he saw Fred go through another portal. Which is a good thing too. It's highly unlikely that the universes can handle Deadpool and Drop Dead Fred in the same area for long.
Deadpool decided to walk to Sugarcube Corner. Where he once saw a large edible-looking building, he just saw a broken door frame, with a lot of wood behind it. No sign of anything edible. If it melted into some sort of goo, it probably disappeared by now.
*fffsssshhhh*
He looked behind him, and saw a red portal opening. He heard faint circus music coming from it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Aoa78gO25s
It could only be clowns. Killer Klowns from Outer Space, or was It on It's way to go somewhere??
Actually, what popped out of it was a trio of what looked like the sort of clowns you'd see in some sort of superhero/villain/wrestler gig. There was one skinny clown wearing a black tracksuit with a red line trim on the sides, fancy, tan shoes, and a black mask with carved red eyes and smile was placed over a rather thin head. There was a red and black polka dot bow tie around his neck, and on his chest was an emblem of a skull with red dots inside the eye sockets wearing a green and purple striped party hat. No amount of skin was shown on this guy, so it looked a bit like he found it hard to breathe. At least Deadpool's suit wasn't really tight.
The clown next to 'Skinny' was more akin to one of the strongmen you see in a circus, only decorated to look like a clown. He was wearing blue pants with a similar trim pattern to the clown next to him. He had an open duster jacket, and a bare chest underneath. Like the Skinny guy, he had a mask. It was a blue one, with a pink deadpan face styled onto it. There wasn't an emblem that Deadpool could see, but he assumed it was on the back of the guy's jacket.
And the other guy, next to the Big Guy, was what seemed to be a man wearing a tuxedo, with black boots, dress pants, and blazer, trimmed white, with an equally white tie on a black dress shirt under the blazer, wearing a top hat, and not wearing a full mask. Just a mask that went over the upper half of his face, with holes on the eyes of the mask so he could see through. The mouth was curved in a tight smirk, with a rather pointy moustache you usually see on the evil clone types who happen to have those moustaches. He was also holding a metal cane that he had with him for style. He looked like the sort who would introduce people to the Big Top, who was always well dressed, if he was Zorro, and potentially the ringleader of a murderously insane clown posse.
As soon as Deadpool had finished staring at them, they started dancing to their circus song, the Skinny clown doing some sort of goofy dance, the Strongman just nodding his head in rhythm, and the Ringleader doing the sort of dances the guy with the canes do in Broadway Musicals. Deadpool shrugged, and danced with them a little bit, in a blend of all the dances they were doing.
He ducked just in time as the Skinny Clown attempted to jump on him, and it ended up flying back through the portal, with Deadpool pretending nothing happened, as if the Clown Posse still had a chance at getting the jump on him. The Ringleader tried stabbing him with a blade hidden in his cane, but Deadpool grabbed it, starting to do a full broadway cane dance, during which he stabbed the Ringleader in the shin with it, and kicked him through the portal. He continued to do that dance, until he finished with a bit of a flourish of the cane, before posing with the cane's blade aimed at the Strongman's face.
The Strongman decidedly ran back through the portal, not wanting to mess with he who defended the ruins of this place.
Deadpool grinned to himself, then wondered...
What just happened?
{I dunno, but I'm naming this spot Hostile Environment Number 154.}
[Why 154?]
{There's probably loads of places more dangerous than this dump.}
Deadpool, upon hearing his voices, went to the nearest somewhat large rock, and sat on it, bored and saddened. It seemed that he was now stuck in an alternate universe where something happened to the town which, in a different plane of existence, had cared for him, pretty much rehabilitating him emotionally, and it was looking like he was doomed to protect it from dimensional invaders such as the Clown Posse. Which reminded him, he didn't have his weapons with him. He just had that weaponized cane.
What was he gonna do now?
He looked up, and saw a shape in the distance. He squinted a little bit. As it got closer, he could see that it was a pony. He couldn't tell what gender though, so far it was a silhouette far in the distance. It seemed to notice him, as it began running over to him desperately. Deadpool stood up and watched.
[Someone who knows what's going on? Awesome!]
Then, something suddenly appeared in a small, blue flash. Some strange, bi-pedal, disturbing shape appeared front of the pony, apparently stabbed it with its hands, and it exploded in a blue flash of light, the same way Deadpool was turned into a ghost.
{Oooohhhhhh... crap...}
The creature teleported away. Or, so it seemed. It appeared (with two others, identical to it) at a close distance in front of Deadpool, and he could see clearly what they were.
From what it seemed, they seemed to be humans, albeit frail and morbidly skinny (If that's a term), with their rib-cages poking at the skin. They were hunched over, and the gear they were wearing was rather... futuristic. They were wearing black pants, with bare feet, with some sort of blue chest guard covering the upper torso, going all the way to the mouth, as a sort of breathing apparatus. The eyes were impossible to see, as it wore a rather pointy black hood. Deadpool also noticed they were wearing hand gear that made their fingers look like needles.
{They look like something out of a bad comic book. Or fan-fiction.}
[This -is- fan-fiction.]
{Why are we using this excuse?}
And why do I get the feeling I wanna avoid the needles?
{Too late.}
The creatures began running at Deadpool. Deadpool decided to run away from the group, as fast as he could. Every time he looked back, he saw them running desperately at him, and they were gaining. And as they jumped to move in for the kill...
*Blam* *Blam* *Blam*
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HqBus04-zWI
The three of them were shot by something, and fell to the ground. It really didn't seem to affect them that much, but they ran off nonetheless. Deadpool looked at them go.
"...Yeah, you better run... weird... Scarecrow Rip-offs!" He yelled.
Then he walked off. Until a thought occurred to him. Something had shot them. He looked around, until he saw a familiar phrase uttered, in which I write 'A familiar figure' and all that. It's getting rather old, but that's all the words I have for it.
{Shut up.}
The familiar figure was none other than Live Light, still wearing what he was wearing last issue, holding a handgun (Noticeably pink... but shiny) in one hand.
They both stared at each other for a moment.
"...Hey." Deadpool greeted.
"Hi." Light greeted.
"..."
"..."
"..."
"..."
"..."
"Would you like some cake?" Light asked after some silence.
"...Sure." Weirdo.
________________________________________________________________
To be continued in the next issue!
{It gets better from here, right? ...Right?}
Uhhh... sure.
[...wah.]
Author's Notes:
I don't think I did well at all.
I basically had Deadpool walk around a post-apocalyptic place... and had him fight clown people... and had him run away from what I had in mind with the individuals who lock people out of their dimensions... probably for some amount of energy they can gain from it.
I must've done it wrong.
But this has happened, and I might need a few days break from writing to decide what happens next.
Be sure to expect an explanation as to who this Live Light is and what he likes doing.
I'm not making him OP, I don't like him.
Issue #35: The creepy explanation
Deadpool Vs. Equestria
Issue #35
Previously on Deadpool Vs. Equestria...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sASyAcn-DIg
And so it continues.
__________________________________________________________------===++++
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DF43b38k0Mw
Deadpool and Live Light walked over to one of the buildings still standing. Light placed two chairs to a round table (then proceeded to clean the dust off with a handkerchief), sat down, and motioned for Deadpool to sit down in front of him. He did so.
"I don't really have cake, I'm sorry," Light admitted, before adding, "I lied to you. I didn't mean to do it."
{He's making a big deal out of cake.}
[Didn't Cry say the same thing when he told someone he had cotton candy?]
"Okay... so anyway, here's a question," Deadpool began, before looking to Light to make sure he was fine with answering questions (which he seemed to be, he didn't really do anything besides look at Deadpool, as if in waiting), then asking, "How come you're not transparent and stuff?"
"That's related to things I don't feel like talking about," he answered, "All I'm gonna say is that I got some abilities from something, and I can decide whether I want to fully enter something or not."
"Can you send me back?"
"No. Sorry about that. But you're kinda stuck here unless someone from your Equestria opens a portal here and you jump through it. Which you'll probably find irritating, as I've noticed this has become a popular crossing point for travellers."
"Yeah, I noticed..." Deadpool said, recalling the Clown Posse. "What's that mean, 'crossing point?'
"Sometimes you can't go somewhere right away. It's like driving a car and going on holiday, then stopping to refill the gas. Kind of annoying when you think about it, but oh well." He answered.
"Uh huh. I don't really get this." Deadpool stated.
"How? Haven't you been doing dimensional travelling before?" Light asked.
"Yeah, but I never had problems like that."
"No, you didn't, because your universe's ways of travelling planes of existence are a little bit different than the usual method. Maybe even better." He explained.
"Huh." Deadpool said. "We've done something right. That's nice to know. So... that... thing you said you could do... that's how you were able to pretend you were a S.H.I.E.L.D agent?"
"Advisor. And getting into S.H.I.E.L.D was really hard, you must understand," He said, "I had to pick the correct time to apply for the job, and then wait for the precise moment to make sure you got into Equestria."
"So... why were you... doing what Nick Fury said, and even told his group where we were?" Deadpool asked.
"I didn't do that. You tripped a silent alarm. For the third time."
"...Oh, right."
Light shrugged. "Everyone makes that mistake, I'm sure. I'm happy I didn't have to blow my cover just to help you leave, at the very least."
Deadpool examined Light a little. He seemed a little different than before. Either that, or he hadn't noticed the slight innocence in him because he only got glimpses of him before things happened. It seemed as though Light was in places because he could be, but he believed there was nothing wrong with that. It was hard to notice though, 'cause he was still creepy. That, and he conspired against him with Wisefree, which was the topic of his next question, "So... why did you help Wisefree steal my spot?"
"I was in the neighbourhood and he looked like he was in need of help." Light replied, matter-of-factly.
"...That's it?" Deadpool asked.
"I think so." Light answered with a shrug.
Deadpool deadpanned. Not that Light could see it. "How's everyone at the Equestria we were at before this one?" He asked.
"Well..." Light began, before explaining...
_________________________________________________
Right now, they're quite concerned for you at the moment. Wisefree and the Elements of Harmony have decided to try and find a way to locate you, while trying to differentiate you from other versions of you... so far, that isn't going so well... the first time they tried it, this is what they ended up with...
"Alright... let's see if this works..." Twilight said.
"A-are you going to be alright, Twilight? After all... y-you're opening a portal..." Fluttershy asked.
"Well... no pain, no gain, Fluttershy. You said it yourself, we can't leave him out there to suffer." She breathed in, and began concentrating. Her horn began glowing, as Light looked on in interest.
*fffffffsssssshhhhhh*
The portal opened, with a lavender portal opening up. And out of the portal came a red and black pony. It was a costume.
"We... got him...!" Twilight announced, exhausted.
The pony looked around, and they noticed the build... wasn't that of a stallion, but of a mare.
"...Wow. Today's an even weirder day than usual," Lady Deadpool stated. "I don't think I can get used to this much colour."
Lyra looked to Fluttershy. She trotted over to her and whispered, "Can I keep her?"
Fluttershy looked at Lyra, with the same expression of surprise she had when Lady Deadpool appeared, then redirected her attention to Lady Deadpool again.
The female Deadpool looked at the lavender portal. Then at the surprised ponies. "...Buh-bye!" She said, before jumping through the portal again, not really noticing she was turned into a pony.
...
...
Twilight collapsed. Light facepalmed, not that anypony noticed. Twilight was still looking for a spell to help them see temporally locked beings. But he took this moment to sulk in disappointment.
______________________________________________
"Wanda?" Deadpool asked, pretty sure he knew who Light was talking about.
"Who?" Light asked, obviously not having heard of Lady Deadpool.
"You know... the fan-service of Deadpool fans?" He asked.
"...You have fans?"
"...Forget it. Anything else happen?" Deadpool queried.
"We found a dog, a mime, a drill sergeant, a pirate, a green person named Bob, 'Agent of Hydra,' and a penguin. That's about it."
"...Okay... I know about most of them..." Deadpool said, nodding.
Light just nodded.
"Any way you can help me get back?" Deadpool asked.
"I said I can't, and I stand by that." Light insisted.
"Do you know a way I can get out by myself then?"
"No, I haven't needed to find a way out besides my usual way of getting around." He answered.
"Well... what're those... Scarecrow rip-offs?" Deadpool asked.
"...Huh?"
"...The guys with needle-fingers."
"Oh, them? Those are the people who had the bright idea of trusting the first guy who looked like that to help them get to another dimension, and they ended up becoming his minions. Then he died, and now they're stuck wandering the universes, having to stab people with whatever substance is in those needles so they can absorb their temporal energy and survive." He explained. "Wisefree released that energy on you. It's effective even in temporal locks, but it's more dangerous for whoever's holding it in the first place."
"...Right... so he was risking his life just to take my place?" Deadpool said to be certain.
"Yeah."
"Wow. He's obsessive."
{I HAVEN'T SAID ANYTHING ALL DAY!}
[Me neither.]
Oh, it's you two. Please hurt Deadpool's brain for calling Wisefree obsessive.
{...Uh. Okay.}
"Ow." Deadpool said, rubbing his head with one hand.
Light just raised an eyebrow, then lowered it again.
"...Well... what happens if the... what'd you say their names were again?" Deadpool asked.
"I didn't." Light answered.
"...What happens if the Didn'ts stab me with a needle now?" Deadpool asked.
Light's face deadpanned upon called them Didn'ts, but answered anyway, "Your temporal signature has already been registered, so they'll be looking to end you instead of absorbing you. The next time they stab you, you'll die."
"I have a healing factor, I'll be fine." Deadpool retorted.
"No. You won't."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_IhR5_aFCIo
{...Well, we're screwed.}
"...'Kay." Deadpool said, accepting the situation. He sighed, and asked, "Can you at least give me some weapons to defend myself?"
"Sure." Light said, reaching into his jacket, and pulling out a pink, shiny handgun, which he had used to get rid of those Didn'ts that were trying to kill Deadpool in the last issue, holding it to Deadpool.
"...Really?" Deadpool asked. Light didn't react, he just holding it where it was. "...No offence, but pink doesn't go well with my style... or yours."
"You're right. This was a mistake," Light began, "I should have just stayed at home and tended to my cats, and have an epiphany after watching the last episode of Twin Peaks, and that epiphany would be, my purpose in life is to use my dimension-exploring skills to scare people into believe a demonic spirit has come to make them do horrible things, and they will use their imagination to decide what horrible things they'll commit, and they'll be driven mad, convinced that they were being influenced, and then I'll do the same to the policemen, and then all the people in town who are still sane will be forced to flee that town, and they will protect themselves with their glow-in-the-dark sticks, and their shoelaces will be their undoi-"
"What the hell are you going on about?" Deadpool asked.
"Don't you see what they're trying to do? They're trying to make first-person shooters the best game type ever, but they're not thinking correctly. Why not try Second-person shooters? Play it like Zork, and type in all the things that your soldier does, and the multiplayer will be a lot better, intense typing, re-introduction into pen-and-paper role-playing, introduction into using role playing personas as your real life personality in your occupations, and then using your true personality as your real life personality in life, and you have gotten a life, and they never listened to me when I told them, they should have listened, but they told me it was impossible, well I have-"
"Shut up a moment!" Deadpool demanded, getting freaked out.
"And they're telling us, 'We all die sometime,' well, after looking at the internet for a while, I have decided that there is a poisonous gas in the air, and it takes a long time to kill us, and the solution is not breathing at all. 'We'll die,' they said, 'It's not possible,' they said, well, who's getting the laws of physics wrong n-"
"ALRIGHT, I'LL USE THE FREAKING GUN!" Deadpool shrieked.
"Thank you kindly." Light said, handing him the gun.
"...Anything else?" Deadpool asked.
"Does it look like I have anything else?" Light asked.
"...No..."
"Well, here's a surprise, I've been carrying this bag the whole time." Light said, placing a large leather bag onto the table. The table cracked a little, but didn't break. "That has all the supplies you'll need."
"...Cool."
"Yes. Cool." Light said, before standing up.
"...Where are you going?" Deadpool asked.
"Ponyville. Going to see how they're doing, and if they've found some way to save you," He said, before walking off. "Good luck." And then he disappeared in a blue flash.
...
...
...
...
The table collapsed.
_________________________________________________
To be continued in the next issue!
{We feel very minor.}
You are very minor. This entire chapter was an entire session of the awkwardness of the Helicarrier Man.
[I'm sad now.]
Don't worry. You have every reason to be sad now.
[That doesn't help.]
That's the point.
[Sadface...]
Author's Notes:
And now an episode that had a little bit more to do with Ponies. I'm kind of trying to keep this about Deadpool. I don't know why, but I find it easier to write that way.
I'm hopeful the next chapter will be one of the few remaining chapters of the 'Stuck out of Equestria' phase, if not the last.
I'm very sure I'll be taking a break tomorrow. I've been on a writing marathon, and frankly, I need some rest. I wonder if I'll end up working on this tomorrow again.
Dedicated Obsession, much?
Issue #36: A mostly uneventful chapter.
Deadpool Vs. Equestria
Issue #36
Previously on Deadpool Vs. Equestria...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lIOJn158eTQ
Once you watch one of these, you'll never stop.
Seriously, at this moment, I'm watching a clip from this show I think I've already seen, and not working.
Help...
________________________________________________________
Deadpool walked outside of the building. Now, he had an RPG, twin katanas, a sub-machine gun, that shiny pink pistol (Not a second one) and some clothing to go over his suit. He was now wearing a red tattered trench coat, black leather pants, and ordinary shoes over his costume.
{Why did we need these clothes?}
[He's obviously concerned about our image in these weird places, and when we come back to Equestr-]
{IF we come back.}
[When/if we come back, he wants us to impress the folks.]
{That's stupid.}
...Yeah... stupid.
{You seem rather apprehensive of your opinion.}
Yeah? ...Well... you don't.
{That's because I'm confident in my opinion in that it is stupid. You seem to be agreeing reluctantly. Are you hiding something?}
...Don't you know who you're messing with!?
[*Popcorn.jpg*]
{Shut up.}
Deadpool walked, heading for the exit to the city.
Ow.
{What?}
My throat is sore from yelling...
{Why?}
Pretending I was a super-villain on vacation.
{Ah, cool.}
[So what was the point of all that clothing?]
Why do you care?
[Why wouldn't I care about the impending finale of the Third Se-]
Second Season. Of The Walking Dead games. Yes?
[No, I was talking ab-]
{Look, an Eleventh dislike!}
[AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!]
Deadpool walked out of the city. He took a look back at the destroyed city. He sighed. Then bolted off into wherever he's going. Meanwhile, thunder filled the sky, and rain fell as he ran. He stopped a moment, as he saw a portal open. A guitar fell out of it. Deadpool walked over to it, and picked it up. He looked at the rains falling onto his head, and he suddenly had an idea of what to do to pass the time while walking. So, he walked forward once more, and played...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k71FV6tHGuc
{Well, this doesn't pass the time much.}
"You're supposed to sing." Deadpool complained to himself.
{No, I don't have a good singing voice.}
[How do you know?]
{I... I don't... I just... uh... assume so.}
[Hmmmmm...........mm.]
{...?}
[I'm watching you...]
{In my sleep?}
[...fuckyou.]
{Okay, that wasn't a denial. I'm worried now.}
Deadpool finished playing the song. He looked around to see if anyone was watching. He then proceeded to attack the ground with the guitar until it broke. It took a total of five minutes, due to a logic error in which he assumed the guitar was from Earth, and only realized at that moment he could have gone back home through the portal that released the guitar.
What he didn't know was that the guitar didn't actually come from Earth, but actually from a little planet called Glhermia. It's a world unlike anything you'll ever see, and as hard as you'd try, you can't seem to describe, like a most improbable dream. But you must believe when I tell you this, it's inhabited by large creatures called Glhermians. What happened was, the guitar that they threw through the portal didn't actually belong to them, but to a cousin planet named Atlesinia. It used to belong to Atlesinians, but then human nerds from Planet Knovo created a portal, and used paradoxes to kill all Atlesinians, which they didn't mean to do, and to this day, anything that looks like a human is a scumbad in that galaxy.
So yeah. The Glhermians recognized the guitar as being made by humans (Only enhanced with Atlesinia's natural materials, hense why it took five minutes to break) and, treating it as 'scumbag stuff,' threw it at the nearest portal.
[A monologue/backstory. What have you gotten yourself into?]
{What are you trying to do exactly?}
Making pointless fanfics.
{I can see that, even though I asked why, the question that it has become is, why?}
Because I've lost control of my life.
{That's about the most accurate thing I've heard all day.}
Okay.
Deadpool looked at the destroyed guitar, noticed he didn't feel any accomplishment whatsoever, and walked forward.
Before tripping.
"AUGH!" He yelled for dramatic effect.
He stood up. He began walking again. Every once in a while, he would trip. He never really saw any rocks. This continued for about 10 trips. Literally. Finally, he decided to look at his feet.
"The...
Goddamn...
SHOELACES!?"
Indeed... his shoelaces were untied. This was because he was given shoes. They had laces. And on the tip of the shoelace is the 'aglet.'
{WHO CARES!?}
Not behind. Apparently, according to Auto correcting stuff, Aglet is either not a word, or simply the misspelling of Eaglet or Agleam.
[What do you mean by 'Not behind?']
Huh?
[Before stating Aglet wasn't a word according to Auto correcting, you said 'Not behind.']
I did... ...You're right... I meant to type something like 'Not technology's logic' or something...
...Um.
Obligatory combat scene!
A trio of blue flashes. Those creepy 'Didn'ts.'
"What did Light say would happen if they stabbed me?" Deadpool asked his voices.
[I think he said 'Your brain will explode and you'll feel a little peckish.']
{No, he said he'd die.}
[I would've gone with my one.]
{One, you would, because that was your idea, and two, you already did.}
I'd go with it.
[Thank you.]
Deadpool cracked his neck. He pulled out his sub-machine gun and the pink gun, and aimed them at the group of Didn'ts.
"Time for theme music."
{Time for theme music?}
"I just said that..."
{Time for theme music.}
Huh?
{Time. For theme. Muse. Ic.}
...You want me to put on Muse?
{No, Theme music!}
What joke is this again?
{What made you think it was a joke?}
You did.
{Oh. Well... theme music, please, before we die.}
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yAQmYZoUwIc
Happy?
"Happy."
[Sad.]
Deadpool opened fire with the Sub-Machine gun, shooting the group. They fell down, but after a few seconds, they got back up. Deadpool couldn't see any blood from the bullet wounds. All he saw were holes.
{...?}
Deadpool looked blankly at the Didn'ts, who were walking closer to him. The way they walked was the sort you would expect from a reclusive hunching old man walking over to eat his favourite brand of apples, which he'd most certainly have bought from a store, because he didn't feel like getting them from apple trees. At a loss on what to do, Deadpool asked,
"Guys? Can we talk about this?"
The Didn'ts didn't respond.
"Please?"
No response.
"I know a place with lots of temporal energy you can absorb from!" He yelled desperately.
The Didn'ts slowed down a little, as if to signify they were listening, but they were still walking towards him.
"Uh... do you guys take Dimension Numbers?" He asked.
They didn't respond, they just kept walking. Slower.
"I'll assume you do... uh... Do you know how to go to... Earth... uh..." He thought for a moment... "2149?" He finally asked.
The Didn'ts stopped. One looked to the other. He appeared to be moving his hand as if he was speaking. Deadpool couldn't really hear them say anything.
The other one seemed to argue with him. The silent argument continued. Deadpool was starting to forget that one stab from their needles would be the end of him. The group did nothing for a while. Then, the arguing Didn't looked at the third one, and pointed in a direction. The third Didn't ran in that direction for some reason. The remaining two waved at Deadpool, before disappearing in a blue flash.
Deadpool stood in thought for a moment.
I think Ice Cream would be a nice thing to get when we get back home.
{IF we get back home.}
And when we get back home, we're going to stop children from getting on the rollercoasters so we can go on th-
"Ow!" Deadpool said, upon receiving a sting in his spine.
{My head hurts.}
[...We don't have heads...]
{Shit.}
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jlhX6s95YZg
Deadpool faceplanted. He rested his chin on the ground, as he caught sight of that Didn't that ran off before, as it teleported away. He attempted to get up. He was able to get up being able to kneel, but as he attempted to stand, he just fell forwards. He began crawling, but his vision began to darken, and his strength decreased tremendously.
At this point, I wish I could say that some woman called Mariella would find him collapsed to the ground, and then run off to find help, but then this would remind me that The Stanley Parable, a mod for Half-Life 2, is one of the scariest things I have seen, and it's not even trying to scare anybody. In fact, it's a mostly satirical view on what would happen if the main character went against the narrative's rules. The only thing is, most of the endings you can get for disobeying in some way truly creeps me out.
And they're funny.
But alas, by making this reference, I have already reminded myself. So that means this entire thing is pointless. But, as Deadpool lay on the ground, losing his will to live, he rolled over onto his back, and looked at the sky. ...It was incredibly boring, so he just rolled over again with the last of his strength, and closed his eyes.
Then he was kicked in the face.
"...Ow." He said. With the fractions of the last of his strength, he looked up to who had kicked him, and saw a figure in a black cloak and hood. You can already tell who the person I'm talking about is, so I'm not even going to bother that they had a skull and a feminine figure.
Oops. I did it again. Ladies and Gentlecolts, and men, please welcome Death from Marvel.
"...Hi, Death," Deadpool greeted. "Didn't expect you to be here."
"Me neither. I was told about this place filled with all these colourful horses. I've seen strange things, stranger than you, but that takes the cake. So, what're you doing here, in the sort of place I could get used to?"
"I fell through a portal after Weasel tried to make me look at that world via the wonders of the internet, and ended up in that world, then I made friends with one of them named Pinkie, and the others distrust me, by the way, one is Stephenie Meyer, one looks like Outlaw, one is an obvious name, one is an annoying aristocrat, and one is adorable, anyway, then their Princess held an audience with me, then the adorable one named Fluttershy, helped me get out after I fought a "psycho, then I met some weird zombie ghost thing which turned out to be someone with as much free-will as us, except for something I'll tell you about later, we also happened to meet Weasel, meh, then me and Pinkie went back to New York, and we had a few adventures and the yellow caption box's perviness got me chainsawed, but then there was a party, which made the Hulk attack, then Pinkie got kidnapped by S.H.I.E.L.D because I ran into Spidey some time before, and then I rescued her and met this creepy dude, then we got back, but Fluttershy was mad and scary, and she made me do nice things, and I met a conspiracy theorist who knows all about us humans, and after those nice things, the last nice thing was a hug, and it made me think, maybe Weasel doesn't wanna go home, then he did want to go home, I think, then that ghost thing came back and made me a ghost thing, except we weren't ghosts, we were just not in a dimension anymore, and that creepy guy was there too, then I was thrown here, then the creepy guy told me some important things after I kicked the asses of a clown posse, and then some time later, I'm here, dying, and with a really nice get-up." Deadpool said with as few words as possible, seeing as how he was dying.
{I thought you were dying.}
Hence... as few words as possible..
"You really need to get out less." Death stated.
"You can't change me..."
"Bit late for that. You said the cute one made you friendly?" Death asked.
"...I said adorable, not cute."
"Same thing," She said, accomplishing what not a lot of people do nowadays. Saying 'Same thing' when something really is the same thing. "If you're different because of her, surely you can change your ways when you get back home?"
...
...
...
"Nah." They both said in unison.
"So... am I gonna die?" Deadpool said, wondering if he and Death are actually gonna manage to hit it off.
"Nah."
FFFfffffff-
"You're probably just gonna get better later. Remember Thanos?"
"Didn't have to remind me..." Deadpool groaned.
*ffffffsssssssssshhhhhhhhhh*
A lavender portal opened up.
"I think that's your friends. Wanna go through it?" Death asked.
"...Might need a bit of help." Deadpool replied.
Death, if she had eyes, would be rolling them. She grabbed the back of Deadpool's trench coat, pulled him up, and directed him to the portal.
"See you soon," She said. "Please stop mocking the cultists of yours truly."
"But it's fun." He defended.
"Not fun for me when my followers get angry. I'm only just understanding how these social networks happen thanks to them." And so, she pushed Deadpool through the portal.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3RY5TUySm3c
And then he fell onto wood. Wood! FREAKING WOOD. And then he looked around the place. MORE WOOD! IT'S GREAT. But undoubtedly, he's going to be a pony now. He looked at his fingered hoof. It was, in fact, a hand. He wondered what was going on. Then he looked at everyone around him. Ponies. Ponies everywhere. There was Twilight Sparkle, Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, Applejack, Pinkie Pie, and Rarity. And he was thinking of their actual names. They looked surprised, and relieved. Well, Twilight just looked downright exhausted.
Lyra was there, too. She was, at the moment, processing what was happening, and slowly backin' up, backin' up, backin' up, backin' up, 'cause her daddy taught her good, for she was surprised to see Deadpool's human form. In fact, as soon as she left, Deadpool looked at the Element bearers, and saw that, besides Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy, they were surprised, probably at his human form. Maybe this was why Fluttershy, now that he thought of it, was a LITTLE surprised, seeing how she only saw his human form for a while... and we haven't seen much of her human form. Meh.
There was also Wisefree. It seemed like he was relieved he was back, but he wasn't exactly looking up. Probably feeling down because of what happened. Deadpool looked to the group and said, "Hi."
The group were beginning to go into some sort of happy frenzy about him returning, but then the door burst open. And some colts in blue clothing and a hat rushed in.
"We heard reports that portals were being opened a- What is that thing!?" They noticed Deadpool.
"Umm... I am a... student of magical friendship, for friendship is magic, and magic is friendship, and most of the time!" Deadpool declared, with everypony nodding along.
"That's right, he's not a threat, for sure!" Rainbow Dash said. "You should ask Applejack, after all, she's the Element of Honesty, and she'll tell you he's the... safest... thing in Equestria! Right, Applejack?"
"...Shure." She said, with as much enthusiasm as she could manage.
"...What will we tell Princess Celestia?" The apparent chief asked.
"I'll send a letter to her, and we'll clear the thi-" Twilight began, before being interrupted by Deadpool whining.
"Hey! We established I'm safe!" Deadpool whined at an officer, who had cuffed him, "You didn't have to do that!"
"I'm just trying to make sure you won't do anything out of hoof." He said.
"I can break these cuffs!" Deadpool claimed.
"You can't break those cuffs."
Deadpool tested the officer's theory, by trying to move his arms away from each other. They didn't get far, so the officer's theory was proven correct.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
"Nice get-up, though." The officer complimented.
"Thanks." Deadpool accepted the offer graciously.
_________________________________________________________________________
To be continued in the next issue!
{What'll happen next?}
I... don't know.
{...Huh.}
[In the meantime, can he break those cuffs?]
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0RtPuuOFdjo
Author's Notes:
Hope you enjoy.
Probably a few chapters left.
Unless I make some action scene up in the next chapter.
I probably won't.
I'm not saying it won't happen. I'm just saying it probably won't.
Issue #37: Epilogue: Thinking With Portals
Deadpool Vs. Equestria
Issue #37
Previously on Deadpool Vs. Equestria...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EMlgMbdWw84
{What part seemed remotely related to that thing?}
An epic journey... through... well... a... destroyed place... and... an awesome return?
[Wasn't this about a guy who goes through life a bit longer than people, then it had bad sequels, then some sort of series, then this anime film?]
Oh, you've just reminded me...
{Where's he gone?}
[Watching anime. He'll probably get to the story after watching an episode or five.]
{This is an intro. Wouldn't it seem like he wrote it at the same time as the rest of the issue?}
[Yes, but it wasn't. That's the main difference.]
{...'Kay.}
______________________________________________+)+_)+_)-
Deadpool waited down in Twilight's basement. The Element Bearers had decided that, as Deadpool had decided to leave as soon as possible, it would be suggested to Princess Celestia that nopony knows who Deadpool really was, and so Twilight was going to send this letter, which would also inform her that he was leaving. With him was Weasel, who was a little disturbed that Deadpool returned in human form. But at least it's Deadpool.
"So, we're leaving today, huh?" Weasel asked.
"Eeyup."
"Feeling happy about it?"
"Eeyup."
"Are you going to be saying that all the time to me?"
"Saying what?" Deadpool asked.
"...Nothin'."
They just sat their, waiting for there next opportunity to exit.
{WHAAAAAAAAAAT!?}
ZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.................
[I think he's a bit tired.]
{Is that why he suddenly decided to make this the last issue?}
I thought I was making it the penultimate issue.......
{How tired are you?}
Bye Serm Appulls...
{I guess I'm taking over for now.}
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=df-eLzao63I
Deadpool, clad in his usual gentlemanly attire, along with Weasel, in gentlecoltly attire, sipped his nice spot of tea.
"I do say, it'll be nice to return home, somewhat." Weasel admitted.
"Indubitably." Deadpool agreed, curling his fake moustache.
"Mustache." Pinkie corrected myself, despite not really being in that room.
{MOUStache.}
"MUSTache!"
{MOUSTACHE!}
"MUSTACHE!"
{AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!}
[...Well, he's gone and left. Let's do things my way.]
[I got nothing.]
{Author, wake up! We have no ideas!}
Oh, bother. ...Um... assume the positions.
[AAIIEE! DISLIKE EVEN THOUGH THERE'S NOT A NEW ONE YET!]
{Contradiction. Contraption. Would You Kindly.}
Yes, sir.
{...Oh. Um. Would you kindly write?}
Okay.
{Yay.}
Twilight Sparkle walked downstairs to the basement.
"Okay, I sent the letter to Princess Celestia. And she replied not soon after that." She said.
"What'd she say?" Weasel asked.
____________________________________________________________
To my faithful student,
Thank you for your suggestion, Twilight. I agree with this. We wouldn't want Equestria to panic, would we? Plus, it would just be feeding those conspiracy theorists enough for them to get ponies to have protests outside Canterlot. The last time that happened was really horrendous. They broke one of Blueblood's windows. It was really amusing to see him throw a fit... let's keep that detail between us, okay?
I hope Mr Wilson has a safe journey home. I'm sorry to have given him not much of a warm welcome, but, ultimately, I wanted everypony to be safe. I'd say he proved me wrong, but I'm not so sure about that. Yes, he did bring Pinkie to his world, only to rescue her from what you said was a 'mostly hostile' organization, and, earlier, he protected her again, when somepony attacked her, although, he did so rather brutally.
I think... he can truly be very dedicated to doing noble things... just so long as he can be bothered to do so. In the meantime... remind him that he is welcome to stay... but make sure he doesn't cause too much of a scene all of the time, alright?
Your cautious teacher,
Princess Celestia.
____________________________________________________________
"Well... that was nice." Deadpool said.
"So... do you want to stay?" Twilight asked.
"Hmmm..." Deadpool thought for a moment, "Nah."
Twilight stared at him blankly. "Alright then. We'll go to Weasel's, and you two can leave."
____________________________________________________________
They arrived to find the portal already activated, with the rest of the Mane 6, along with Spike, standing next to it.
"You're that eager to see me leave?" Deadpool asked.
"This was on before you got here, we didn't do anything," Rainbow said, "But, you know... if somepony left it on, we might as well keep it on, since we'll probably not use it after this."
"Hm. Good point." Deadpool said, shrugging.
"U-um... b-be safe, Deadpool," Fluttershy said, "We'll miss you."
"Really?" Deadpool asked. To his surprise, most of the Mane 6 nodded, while the others nodded half-heartedly... mostly because Applejack didn't know him that much, and what she'd seen, she didn't really like, as was the case for Spike. Rarity just didn't see much of him full-stop.
"Well... I think I'll miss you two. Especially Pinkie, who was a great part of our double act." He then tip-toed next to her, and whispered, "Would our ship work out?"
"I'm interested in Dashie now," she replied, also whispering, "Sorry." And now everypony wondered what they were talking about, as Deadpool paused to think about what to say.
"Okay." He said, before walking over to the portal. He looked at Weasel, narrowing one of his eyes. Weasel then followed suit, and stood with him in front of the portal.
"Well, guys," Deadpool said, "It's been fun. First, I'd like to thank Twilight Sparkle, for being able to keep up with me as I explained everything about human anatomy." A sound was heard somewhere in the room. Everypony looked around for a moment. They shrugged, and listened.
"No problem, I guess..." Twilight responded.
"Then, Pinkie, for being Pinkie." He continued, causing Pinkie to grin happily.
"And, most of all..." Deadpool said, pausing, apparently for dramatic effect.
...
...
...
...
"What is it?" Weasel asked.
"...Huh? Oh, sorry, lost my train of thought. Most of all, I'd like to thank Fluttershy." He finally said.
"M-me? But... why?" Fluttershy asked.
"I'd say that you've probably been the nicest to me here," Deadpool replied, "After all, you let me live in your house while you tried your best to make me a nice guy. I'd say it didn't work the entire way, but, I at least have a bit of understanding about friendship, and I think I'll remember that advice when I go back."
{Really?}
Nah.
{What? Whaddya mean 'Nah?' You mean to tell me that all meant nothing to you?}
No, I really appreciated it all, but the probability of me remembering this is pretty low, but I'll remember the thought, and remember what to do, should I really need it. You can't change me. I'm still trying to make the video game.
"W-well... thanks... I was... just doing what was right... as should you... if you want to, that is..." She said.
"We'll see, Fluttershy. We'll see," He said. "Well, I guess it's time for us to go. Weasel, did ya remember to take most of those power cells out of the portal?"
"Yep. Should close by itself about five minutes after we go through it." He answered.
"Alright." Deadpool said, before looking to the Mane 6 (And Spike). "And to all you, ponies, I say..."
Then he tripped, and fell on his face.
{SHOELACES STRIKE AGAIN!}
Deadpool realized he was getting sucked into the portal now that he was off his feet, and so he quickly grabbed Weasel by one of his forelegs, and they both fell through the portal.
The bearers of the Elements looked at what happened, shocked.
"...Well... I think we've had enough weirdness for one day..." Rainbow said.
"Agreed." Rarity agreed.
"Ah shure would've liked t'know 'im better." Applejack admitted.
"I know what'll cheer you up!" Pinkie declared.
Nopony else really bothered to say anything. Spike, on the other hand... hoof...
"A party?" Spike asked.
"A PARTY!"
_______________________________________________________
What happened afterwards?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M7GC_TaJxMI
As the ponies started to leave the house, Spike looked back. He wondered what that noise earlier was. It had happened when Deadpool mentioned Twilight had learned human anatomy. He then thought back. Didn't they say they wouldn't tell anypony about humans? He decided to ask Twilight about it later.
And after he left a mint green unicorn slowly peeked from behind the portal. She looked at the portal, which was beginning to shut off, and, with a determined smile, she jumped through the portal. It shut off behind her.
-----
As Twilight walked home after the party, she witnessed Bon-Bon walking outside. Noticing Twilight, Bon-Bon walked over to her.
"Hey... umm... have you seen Lyra anywhere?"
-----
Deadpool and Weasel fell from a wall. Deadpool felt the ground a bit, then sniffed. The scent of the room was very different. He heard computers making beepy noises, as they always do... along with surprised gasps. He looked at Weasel. He was human too. Then he stood up, and looked around the room...
It was like some sort of weird hide-out... filled with a bunch of ordinary people, although, the clothing they were wearing... they reminded him of many things... some had cyan shirts with a familiar symbol... some had glasses... one had a magenta shirt with an all too familiar marking... three balloons, two blue, one yellow.
Were they in some sort of brony community? And why was there a portal-y thing behind them? It was de-activated... but about 7 seconds after looking at it, it started again. And falling through it was a girl wearing a mint green shirt with jeans, with white striped with whitey-blue hair, and hazel eyes.
"...Oh... hi!" She greeted nervously.
And the only thing Deadpool could say to the intruder was...
"...Do I know you?"
{It's Lyra.}
"Who?"
{That Human-obsesser!}
"Lyra. Lyra Heartstrings. Aren't you Deadpool?" She asked.
Weasel looked at the confused bronies.
"...Uh... hi, fellow... members of the herd!" He greeted.
Want to know what finds out?
WELL, YOU'LL JUST HAVE TO WAIT!
DEADPOOL
VS.
BRONIES
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f43swtBDkuo
Sequel Link Here.
Hey guys.
This is the link to the sequel you're interested in.
Opinions of it so far are... moderate. But that's fine.
I hope you'll enjoy it as I enjoyed making it.