The cool winter breeze buffeted against my coat.  The sun settled itself in the middle of the sky, indicating it was noon.  The day wasn't really to my liking.  I am more of a mare that enjoys overcast days, where there is no sign of the sun in the sky, but only the light that penetrates the clouds.

Vinyl and I trotted down the cobblestone road of Canterlot.  She told me the restaurant wasn't very far, only a ten minute trot, but my mind was preoccupied with other things.  Those things mainly involve a certain blue maned DJ that suddenly has romantic feelings for me.  Well, I'm not entirely sure if she's in love with me, but the signs are pretty bloody clear.  First off, all the recent affection she's been giving me was a little odd, but I didn't mind up until now.  Then the wanting to cuddle with me last night...and the uh...other thing when we awoke.  I'm still contemplating whether that was involuntary or not.  Then me finding out Vinyl was a fillyfooler over the phone with her manager, and all the blushing whenever they mention my name.

My mind is currently at a mental war!  I don't even know which side is winning!  In fact, I don't even know what the sides are!  Either the two sides of my mind are telling me to reject Vinyl, or one side is telling me to ignore it.  Yes I believe those are the two.  However, I can not shake this nagging feeling in the very back.  It's like a single emotion that's calling out to the others, but it's too shrouded that it's opinion is unheard.  I myself can't even figure out what it is.  All I know is that whenever I think of this situation with Vinyl, I get tingling feelings in my stomach and start to shudder.

I don't know what I should do.  I could always ignore it completely, but then Vinyl will still have these feelings and still sought them out.  I could sit down and have a talk with her.  How will that end?  If I reject her, things will forever be awkward between us, and I don't think I could stand for that.  Even if I let her down as gently as I could.  

Then there's the last option, the one I shudder to think about.  I can...return her feelings.  Even the thought brings shivers down my spine.  I can't return them I simply can't!  I'm not a fillyfooler!  I had feelings for that one stallion during one of my last recitals!  Even though I have never actually been in a relationship, I did have feelings for that stallion, right?  I believe I did.  I quickly shot a glance at Vinyl.  What if it could work out?  What if we wouldn't ruin our friendship, but instead be happy together?  I could give her a chance...maybe...

My head suddenly impacted something hard and flat.  I looked up to see that it was a billboard.  I looked behind it to see the restaurant was ahead of us.  Vinyl went ahead and held the door for me.  What a sweet gesture...I shook my head, enough. Curse these damn thoughts!  As soon as I got in there, I'm just going to get drunk off the hardest bloody stuff they got.

I followed Vinyl to the bar where we both sat down on the stools.  Within a few seconds the pony that was supposedly the bartender came over to us.  She was a brown unicorn mare with a darker brown mane.  She honed large, thin gold colored glasses.  As she approached us, she wore a look of unamusement as her eyes drifted to Vinyl.

"Well look who it is."  She said very flatly.  

"Hey Sour Grapes, how's it going?"  Vinyl asked.

The mare shrugged.  "Same as everyday."  She replied.  Her gaze then drifted to me.  "So this is your 'Secret Lover' that I read about huh?"

I started to blush intensely.  I quickly looked away, too embarrassed to look at anything else but the floor.  I'm so embarrassed now to be seen in public with Vinyl!  Everypony is going to think we're together now, and my name will be soiled so much that a skunk could be more famous than me!

"N-no!"  Vinyl said, "Listen, the media is wrong ok?  Me and Tavi are not together!  And for the last time I am not a fillyfooler!"

Sour Grapes rolled her eyes, "Sure you're not..." She said sarcastically.

Vinyl crossed her arms.  "You have no proof that I am."

"Moondancer."  Sour Grapes simply stated.

Vinyl started to blush more and seemed to have a hard time forming words.  "Ok one time!  I was like sixteen in high school!"

"Lyra."

The same effect happened.  "B-but I..I uh...If you were to hear that filly play the lyre you would fall head over hooves for her too!"  She almost yelled.

Sour Grapes leaned in as if to whisper to Vinyl.  She smirked.  "You tried hitting on me."

Vinyl pulled back and looked offended.  "I did not!...Well, maybe...Only because you spiked my drink that one time!  You know, that was the first time I ever got drunk!"

"Hey, it was funny."  She deadpanned.

I started to ignore the two unicorns, and focused more on the mental war raging in my head.  Curse you Vinyl for tormenting me like this!  Why am I getting so racked over this turn of events?  I mean sure, my best friend has a crush on me, but I don't even know how much of a crush it is!  It could be like a schoolfilly crush and go away over time, or worse....

I hoped for the former.  If this was just a small crush, then it will go away eventually.  All I have to do is wait it out.  I'm sure after a few weeks, or months, she'll forget all about this crush and I'll forget about it too!  Then things will go back to normal.  We will just live together, as best friends, I'll bet my life back on track, save some bits until I can afford a house, then live the rest of my life in peace.

Oh who am I kidding?!  We live together for Celestia's sake!  The only thing that will happen in a few weeks or months is that her crush would grow!  Eventually she will get so filled up with raging emotions that she will confide in me one day and I'm stuck in the corner wondering what I am supposed to do when that moment arrives!  

"Hey, you awake over there?"

My ears perked up and I noticed that Sour Grapes was beckoning me.  "Yes, I was just lost in thought."

She turned to look at Vinyl, who was preoccupied talking and signing autographs to a few fancolts.  "Seems like you got yourself quite a problem."

"What do you mean?"  I asked.

She scoffed.  "I don't have to use a mind reading spell to tell that Vinyl's got a thing for you."

I started to blush.  "Is it really that obvious?"

"Please, that filly's an open book!  I can see it in her eyes that she's got it bad for you."

I froze up.  "I b-beg your p-pardon?"

"I've seen it when she was around Moondancer and Lyra.  The way she talks and acts, and the way she blushes when we were talking about you."

I gulped, my assumption and fear was correct.  Vinyl does have a crush on me, and a big one at that.  Wait a second..."Wait, you saw her eyes?!"

"Nope."

I would have asked how she could read her, but I decided it was probably a lost cause.  "So um...what do you suppose I do?"  I asked meekly.

Sour Grapes tossed over a shot glass filled with a dark brown liquid.  "First, clear your head with this stuff," she shrugged.  "And If I were you, I'd tap that."

I nearly choked on the alcohol.  W-what now?!  "Excuse me?!"  I swear my face was now replaced by a tomato.

"In all seriousness,"  she continued.  "It all depends.  Do you like her?"

I stopped dead in my tracks.  I looked over to Vinyl, still talking to her fans.  I stared at her for a long moment and thought about everything she has done for me.  How she saved my life by taking me into her home.  By giving me a warm bed and warm food.  By taking me to the doctor and even giving me back my mother's cello.  The way she doesn't care about going out of the way to do whatever I ask of her.  She'll do anything for me.  She even learned a soundproof spell and placed it in her 'studio room' so I don't have to hear her dubstep.  The way we always watch television all night together and comment on whatever movie is we're watching.  

Either the alcohol was taking effect, or I swear Vinyl looks prettier than usual.

I took another swig of a second shot glass Sour laid out for me.  I started to imagine what life would be if Vinyl and I were together.  I saw her and myself sitting on the couch like usual and watching a movie.  Only this time, the movie is romantic.  A scene came on the screen showing two ponies passionately kissing.  Vinyl turned her head towards me and stared at me for a long while.  I smiled at her and took off her glasses.  For some reason I imagined them to be magenta, but that's not important.  We both looked into each others eyes, until Vinyl slowly leaned in.  Our lips were only mere centimeters apart.  Every second felt like hours as the distance closed.  

Three centimeters.

Two centimeters.

One centimeter.  WE WERE SO CLOSE.

I banged my head against the table rapidly.  I almost let these thoughts conquer my mind!  I looked over to the barmare.  "I need more whiskey, leave the bottle."

(\/);,;(\/)

Damn head.  Damn brain.  Damn skull.  EVERYTHING HURTS.  Why does everything hurt so much?  Why does my brain feel like jelly?  Why is Princess Celestia called a princess when there is no queen?  Shouldn't she be the queen?  Queen Celestia.  Meh, I guess it will take time getting used to.  Maybe 'princess' is just a preferred title?

Why am I asking questions about the princess's title?  What's going on anyway?  Everything is dark right now.  I think my eyes are closed...yeah they're closed.  I opened my eyes very groggily and groaned while doing so.  The first thing I saw was more blackness.  Is there something over my eyes?  No, there's something under my eyes.  I lifted my head and saw a white square.  Rubbing my eyes to remove the sleep, I noticed it was a pillow.  I'm in a bed?  I rolled over and and faced a dresser.  On top of it I could barely make out a picture frame.  After a few seconds of focusing, I noticed it was the picture of my parents.  How'd it get in my room?  No that's not right...How did I get in my room?

A thunderous banging sound echoed throughout the small room.  I clapped my hooves to my ears to dull the throbbing pain in my head.  Was there a thunderstorm out?  No, the blinds are open and it's dawn.  Did I sleep through all of yesterday?  And what is that headbanging noise?  Is it Vinyl's music?  Dear Celestia when I get a hold of that mare....

"Hey Tavi,"  a very loud voice called out, making me clench my ears.  "are you awake?"

Bloody hell, she's so LOUD!  "Yes I'm awake!  Now could you please stop yelling?"

"...I'm barely whispering... Can I come in?"

"Sure, just please, be quiet."  The door creaked open and the white unicorn came in.  She must have just taken a shower, considering her mane was flat and gorgeous again.  I couldn't help myself but just stare at it.

"You feeling ok?"  Vinyl asked as she sat on the bed next to me.

I rubbed my temples.  "Other than the feeling that my head is going to explode I suppose I'm alright."

"And that..." She pointed to me..."Is the very reason why I don't drink: hangovers are hell."

Hangover?  "I beg your pardon?"

She snickered at me.  "What?  You don't remember yesterday?  You got drunk off your flank.  I had to carry you home!"

I got...drunk?!  Dear Celestia I'm so embarrassed!  I blushed and looked away from Vinyl.

"And look!"  She continued, " You slept through to the next day!  You really can't hold down your liquor can you?"

Even more embarrassment washed over me.  Fear struck my mind as thoughts and images sailed through my brain.  "Please tell me I didn't do anything I will regret."  I choked out.

Vinyl twiddled her hooves and looked at the carpet.  "Mmhmm."

My entire body froze stiff.  Everything around me crumbled.  There was no room anymore.  There was no ground or earth or space.  Just Vinyl and I floating in eternal nothingness.  Neither of us spoke for the vast eternities.  I don't even think I was breathing.  Should I dare ask what I did?  What if it was embarrassing beyond belief?  What if I was violent and started harassing ponies at the bar?  

What if I told Vinyl about the situation I'm in?

I bit my hoof.  The anxiety is tearing me apart!  What if my drunken self stupidly revealed that I know that Vinyl is in love with me?  What If that I told her that I love her back!  This is bad....very bad!  So much confusion and awkwardness to come!  I have to clear the air with her, now!

"What did I do?"  I meekly asked, cringing for whatever is to come.

Vinyl's breathing was heavy as it seemed that she was having a hard time coming up with an answer.  "Do you remember anything?"

I searched my mind.  Nothing, I can't remember anything passed meeting Sour Grapes.  "No."

She quickly got up and bee-lined for the door.  "Well then you don't have to worry about it anymore.  Goodnight!"

"Vinyl wait!"  I called out.  The door swung back open revealing a defeated Vinyl with her head hung low.  I patted the bed, motioning her to sit.  "Tell me, please, what happened?"

Vinyl sat close to me and placed her head on my shoulder.  "You heard me on the phone with my manager, didn't you?"

I gulped.  "Y-yes."  Oh no.  No nononononononono please no.

She sniffled.  "Then you...probably know by now.  That....that I...you know...like you?"

I wanted so badly to just gallop off outside, go to a hardware store, buy a crowbar, and knock us both so hard that we both forget about it.  Either that or I could just force Vinyl to learn a memory spell.  I wonder if she can even learn a memory spell?  Well, she better start.  

The sheer awkwardness in the room has reached maximum capacity.  Silence once conquered as none of us spoke for the longest of time.  The fear had hit my central nervous system as absolutely no muscle in my body moved.  My heart stopped completely, so did my breathing, and I am afraid that even my brain will shut off.  

"Tavi?"  Vinyl said, sounding almost on the verge of tears.

Calm down Octavia!  Think think think!  What should I say what should I do?  How do I let her down gently?  Can I even let her down?  Should I?  Why is my brain so wracked?!  Deep breaths, Octavia, deep breaths.  Calm yourself.  I started to stroke Vinyls mane, hoping it would calm us both down.  Having her resting against my shoulder is actually quite relaxing to tell you the truth.  Embracing her and just sitting here, basking in each other's warmth is just...serenity.  Yes, that's the word.  This feeling of serenity...It's intoxicating.  I'm actually enjoying just allowing Vinyl to rest against me.  I could lay here for hours if I wanted to.

Do I really want this feeling?  To feel safe, calm, and...happy around Vinyl like this?  Should I risk it all: our friendship and everything we have together to attempt a relationship?  One side of my brain enjoys Vinyl's close company and wants me to cuddle with her and love her.  The other side is telling me to keep what we have and not ruin it.

"I...I don't know, Vinyl."  I finally managed to say.  The mare looked up to me, pain easily spread on her face.  I knew, even with those glasses on, that she was barely holding back tears.  "It's not a 'no'!"  I quickly added.  "It's definitely not a 'no'.  It's just that...I...uh, I...I need more time, Vinyl."

The mare weakly nodded before resting her head back on my shoulder.  I knew she would give me time to think.  I knew she would wait for me until I clear my bloody head.  She would wait for weeks, months, or even longer for me.  I wouldn't want her to wait that long, at least I hope I don't need to.  For now though, It just feels nice sitting here with Vinyl resting against me.  

Celestia give me strength.