"Vinyl!"  I called out from the front door.  "Hurry up!  I want to get there before it gets too crowded!"

I tapped my hoof, impatiently awaiting that lazy filly.  I swear everything I tell her just goes through one ear and out the other at times.  Two hours ago I told her that we need to go to the market later today to pick up some groceries.  Two hours later, she's scrambling to get ready.

"I'm almost done, hold your bow tie!"  A few muffled crashes and bangs soon followed her voice.

"Cravat!"  I corrected.  It is not a bow tie, it is a cravat.  There is a distinct difference.  Well actually...not really.  Well I mean, there is a difference, sort of.  A cravat is more of the...prototype to a bow tie.  It was around first, and it served as a forerunner to the 'modern day' bow tie.  Alright fine!  It's not technically a cravat... but I still like that name better then 'bow tie'.  'Bow tie' just seems like a tuxedo ornament, to me at least.  'Cravat' sounds more high class.  

Anyway, Vinyl finally came out of her room while levitating her sunglasses on her muzzle.  I raised an inquisitive brow.  "Sorry."  She said with a nervous chuckle.  "I kinda displaced these."  A white hoof tapped the rim of her maroon glasses.

"Vinyl.  It's cute when you try to use higher vocabulary, but try not to over-think.  It's 'misplaced', dear."  I turned and opened the door, my marefriend following behind.

"Where are we going again?"  Vinyl asked not ten feet from the door.

I groaned.  "I already told you, we are going to the market to pick up some groceries.  We ran out of celery two days ago, and I have a weird craving for asparagus as of lately."

Vinyl shot a raised brow at me.  "Asparagus?  You actually eat that stuff?"

Now it was my turn to raise my eyebrow.  "What?  I like it."

Vinyl made an over dramatic gagging sound while putting her hoof to her mouth.  "Whenever I make that stuff it comes out nasty."

"That's because you don't know how to cook, dear."  I shot back.

"Hey!  I can cook just fine."

I scoffed.  "Oh please, before I came along the only thing you ate was sandwiches and boxed dinners."

Her head hung low, Vinyl mumbled, "Doesn't mean I still can't cook."

A smile tugged at my lips.  "Oh really?  Then would you like to cook for me tonight?"

The white mare stopped dead in her tacks.  I looked over my shoulder to find her staring straight ahead and past me.  The smirk on my lips stayed put, I got her now.

"Ummm."  She mumbled.  "I love you?"

"That's what I thought."  Oh Vinyl, you're so easy to manipu--I mean tease, hehe.

We reached the market after a twenty minute walk.  The very reason I wanted to rush Vinyl out of the house was to get here early and avoid the crowd.  And of course, we didn't get here early enough.  I could barely see ten feet in front of me without having a wall of pony obscure my vision!  There was no way in Tartarus that I am going to get all my shopping done within the hour.  Reaching into my saddlebag, I grabbed a pen and paper.  After vigorously scribbling for a few seconds, I turned to Vinyl.  

"I think this will get done faster if we split up." I handed her the paper that had half of the items I requested.  "Here's half the list.  Once you're finished, meet me back here by say...five o' clock?  Considering the amount of ponies present, that will give us four and a half hours."

Vinyl mock-saluted.  "Got it!"  She stated before grasping the parchment in her magic and galloping off.  Within milliseconds, the poor unfortunate DJ was swallowed whole by the horde of technicolor ponies.  It is terrifying.  Like staring into the face of death.  It felt as if the crowd is an army and you're on the other side, but undercover and paranoid that they might compromise you.

I knew I had to dive headlong into the sea of unicorns, pegasi, and earth ponies.  The sooner I get this shopping done the sooner I can go home and spend some time with Vinyl.  Celestia as my witness If we survive this, I am going to do something extra special for her.  Gulping and giving a last prayer, I entered the fray.

The amount of chaos packed in a small area would be enough to drive Discord mad.  Personal space?  HAH, that doesn't exist here.  There is not a single second where at least three ponies are not brushed up against me!  Thank Celestia I am not claustrophobic or else I probably would have died.  Literally.  Being trapped in this sea of ponies is worse than being buried alive.

The first stand came into sight...barely.  In the tiniest of gaps between the heads of ponies, I can make out a sign with the picture of asparagus on it.  If not for the fact that I want to get out of here as soon as possible, I would have used my manners to nudge between ponies.  Luckily they didn't mind me shoving them out of the way and squirming between them, because practically everypony was doing the same.

It was only a few feet away now!  The only problem was that in that few feet were about eighty or so ponies.  Summoning up my inner strength, I lowered my head and literally charged straight through the crowd.  My body squeezed in unnatural ways as I desperately tried to weave around the crowd.  With one last push, I fell out of the meat grinder and right in front of the stand.

Dusting myself off, I stood up and observed the stand in front of me.  A few different variety of vegetables and greenery are scattered on top of it.  In the middle, a large basket filled with asparagus adorned the counter.  I smiled at the mare behind the stand and dropped a few bits on the table.

"One bushel of asparagus please."  I said.

The mare looked at me with a confused expression and a tilt of her head.  "I'm sorry, but I don't work here."  She said.

I blinked.  "Oh, my apologies.  I just assumed considering you are the only one behind the counter."  Strange, why would she be behind the counter if she doesn't work here?

"No problem, common mistake. I can point you out to the manager."

"Oh, alright. Where could I find the manager?"

"Oh, the manager isn't here right now."

...Ok then...  "Where is the manager, then?"

"I am the manager."

I'm now starting to get aggravated.  "You just said you don't work here, though..."

"No, I do."

A small silence passed by.  "So you do work here?"  I asked slowly.

She scoffed.  "No...why would I work here?"

Urge to kill rising..."You just said you were the manager."

"I'm not the manager.  However I do work here.  What do you need?"

Is this some kind of joke?  "A bushel of asparagus."  I repeated.

"Oh, we don't sell asparagus."  

My eye twitched.  "But they're right here."  I pointed to the aforementioned vegetable.

She looked at the green stems, then back to me as if they never existed.  "Yeah, as of, like, right now we don't sell asparagus anymore."

Kill me.  "Why not?!"

She shrugged.  "I don't know, I don't work here.  You should ask the manager."

"Well could you kindly get me the manager?  I would like some asparagus already."

She shot me a confused look.  "And what do you need me to do about that?"

What do you think you crazy bint?!  Even though I was exploding on the inside, I kept a calm composure...mostly.  "I'd presume you could sell it to me, or direct me to somepony who can?"

"I don't know why you'd expect that from me. Maybe you should ask someone who works here."  She said innocently with a smile that made me want to buck her to the moon.

At that point, I finally did explode.  "You know what?!  I don't need this!  I'm going to find another stand that sells asparagus!"

"Well fine then. I could have done it for you."  If it weren't for all these witnesses, I could have gotten away with murder.  Instead of risking life in prison, I huffed and turned away from the stand.  I swear, the nerve of some ponies!  I don't even understand what just occurred!  Was this some kind of joke?!  When I'm finished shopping I am going to find the ponies who run Market Row and give them a piece of my mind!

"Ma'm, wait!"  I heard somepony call out.  The voice is very masculine.  I turned around and noticed a rather elderly looking stallion behind the stand that I was just previously arguing with a very inconsiderate mare.  He swiftly exited the stand and stood in front of me.  "A thousand apologies ma'm!  That was my daughter.  She thought it would be efficient to practice a skit for a play on customers.  I will make sure that I speak to her about this...and ground her...for three months..."

I would be lying if I said I wasn't still aggravated, but at least I have an explanation on her stupidity and lack of consideration for customers.  At least now I can get some asparagus.  After purchasing the vegetable, and after accepting thousands of apologies from the stand's owner.  I made my way to my next stop.

(\/);,;(\/)

My back hurts.  My legs hurt.  My head hurts.  EVERYTHING HURTS.  Damn Tuesdays!  I hate them more than Mondays when it comes to grocery shopping!  I swear the entire population of Canterlot is condensed in Market Row!  It took nearly four hours just to finish getting a few items from the list!  Good thing I told Vinyl to meet me back at the enterence at five o' clock.  I thought I was over exaggerating when I thought it would take this long, but no, I am right.  And Vinyl says I over exaggerate a lot!  The nerve of her.  She's the one over exaggerating by thinking I'm over exaggerating!  I never over exaggerate!

At least I only have one thing left on my list:  Pudding.  Vanilla pudding.  If my sources are correct, the stand that sells pudding should be around here somewhere.  I looked to my left, the only thing in my vision was color.  The entire spectrum of light was plastered in every direction I looked.  Each colors were the coats adorning a ponies coat or mane.

Nudging my way through the sea of color, I found it.  Great Faust, Lord of the Equine, I have found it.  A refrigeration unit graced the area behind the counter of a stand.  Inside, it held drinks, juices, fruits, milk, and more importantly, a single box of pudding.  One.  Single.  Box.

A shadow washed over me as I felt a strange feeling.  It sent shivers down my spine and made me visibly shudder.  I looked around as if to find the source of this strange feeling.  Oddly enough, I believe it was standing to my right.  A blue coated unicorn with a silver mane glared at me.  Her eyes seemed to bore into my skull.  Casting her gaze elsewhere for a split second, I saw that her eyes fell upon my holy salvation.

She, too, was after the pudding.

Hah, that's funny.  Truly it is.  Does she even know who I am?  Not even the God of Chaos can keep me from my pudding.  In fact, if Discord were to miraculously show up and apprehend my pudding, I would wring his snake like body like a rag.  Nothing will stop me when I am in need of The Golden Salvation.

The other mare was glaring daggers at me, and I returned the intense glare two-fold.  We stood in this stand off for a minute or two before we simultaneously bolted in the direction of the Holy Stand.  Dodging and weaving between various ponies and ignoring their shouts of protest and complaints, I managed to arrive at the stand first.  I smacked my hoof on the table, dropping bits onto it.  "I'll take the pudding."  I said.

However, something was off with my voice.  It seems that I had an...echo of some sorts.  Turning my head to snuff out the source, I saw that azure unicorn that I was just daring to come across me and my pudding was standing right next to me with a pile of her own bits scattered on the counter.  

If looks could kill, not a single soul would remain in their mortal bodies.  The entire city would be a wasteland of empty corpses quiet buildings.  The streets would be silent, the grand halls of Canterlot Castle would be nothing but echoes of whistling wind and forgotten memories.   All that would remain would be two ponies:  me and this unicorn.

The hoof of death looms near.  I can feel it in the air, in the still and silence of the crowd around us.  Death is watching us...waiting for the strike that presents him with another soul to guide to the afterlife.  He is here, among the crowd, watching...waiting...plotting...begging for a soul to guide.

Well, his plea will come with an answer soon enough.  "This pudding is mine!"  I said to the mare, voice dripping with venom.

Even with the potency of my tone, the mare would not back down.  "That is where you are wrong, heathen.  Trixie saw this pudding first, thus it is her's!"

Another long, death defying stare.  Ponies in the crowd started to faint from the sheer intensity and overpowering force that jutted off in random directions.  The very ground beneath us even started to crack and form spiderwebs in the pavement.  Neither of us flinched.  

"It seems as if there is only one way to settle this."  Trixie lamented.

An amused smirk found its way on my mouth.  "Pistols at high noon?"

Trixie shared the smirk.  "Not exactly what Trixie had in mind, but it will have to do.  For that last vanilla pudding box belongs to me, The Great and Powerful Trixie!"....Such a self centered twit....

"Umm...'scuse me...ma'ms?"

We both directed our attention to the frightened stallion behind the counter.  

"Y-ya see here...T-this is a-actually...r-rice p-pudding...not v-v-vanilla."

Celestia, please smite me where I stand and throw my obliterated carcass into the fiery pits of Tartarus to burn for everlasting eternity.

(\/);,;(\/)

"Tavi!  Over here!"

Head hung low, and not wanting to look up, I trotted towards the sound of my marefriends voice.  All the coursing rage that flowed through my veins had subsided and left depression in its wake.  Maybe a little bit of anger also.  Actually, a lot of anger and a little bit of depression.  I can't believe I mistook the Custard of the Gods for that rice pudding rubish!  I have ashamed myself and my reputation.

"Tavi!  Tavi!"

Soft hooves wrapped around my neck.  I looked up only for a second to find a very disheveled looking Vinyl.  Her mane looked like she survived being carelessly thrown about in a tornado.  Her movements were hesitant and wobbly, like a scared puppy.  The right lens of her glasses was cracked in a spiderweb.

Immediately, all my depression and anger left my mind.  Deep concern had occupied the spaces left by those past emotions.  I looked at Vinyl in utter dismay.  Hugging her tightly, I tried to ask what happened.  It came out as choked and panicked noises, but I think she got the message.

"It was horrible, Tavi!"  She exclaimed, visually trying to hold back tears.  "They were ruthless, savage marauders.  Nothing could stop them!  I tried to get through, but they were too powerful!  I barely made it out alive!  I was so scared.  So scared that I would never see you again, Tavi.  I couldn't stand the thought of losing you forever in that crowd of...monsters!"  Ok...now I can tell she's just being a drama queen.  Although that still doesn't explain her glasses and ruffled mane.

"Vinyl."  I said gently.  "What happened?  Your mane is a mess, and your glasses are cracked."

"Hmm?  Oh yea!"  She quickly took off her glasses to observe the damage, then put them back on before anypony even noticed.  "Some guy punched me."

My eye twitched.  "WHAT?!"

She took a step back.  "Whoa whoa calm down.  I got in a fight with some guy, but don't worry, I won."  Standing on her hind legs, she struck a dramatic and triumphant pose.

The emotions in my mind launched another offensive.  I was torn between weather to be worried, traumatized, or blood boiling angry.  The skirmish ended as soon as it began, and a treaty was signed to be all three.  I rushed over to Vinyl and gave her the tightest hug my strength would allow me.  Tears welled up in my eyes as I started to vision Vinyl getting in a fight.  Just the thought of somepony laying a hoof on my DJ sent me into a state that was between rage in its purest form, and a deep concern.  What if she had gotten seriously injured?  What if she had to be taken to the hospital, and I wasn't there for her?  

In the midst of my panicking, I lunged my head forward and caught Vinyl's lips with my own.  I did not hesitate pouring all my frustration, all my sorrow, all my raging passion into the kiss.  If it weren't for the fact that we were in public, it would have lasted longer.

Once I broke the kiss, I went back to hugging her tightly.  "Don't you ever do that again, Vinyl!  I don't care if you won or not, you still could have gotten seriously injured!"

She stayed silent for a few seconds, then started to gently stroke my mane.  "I know it was stupid of me, Tavi.  But he started it, and I was just defending myself."

Pulling away, I wiped the last drop of tear from my eyes.  "Let's just go home, shall we?  I am completely exhausted and just want to forget today ever happened."  I stole another glance from her disheveled mane.  "Maybe even take a bath."

In an instant, the unicorn slapped her side against mine and started to trot forward.  Her head rested on the side of my head while we strolled through the neighborhood.  The chaos that was Market Row depleted with every step in the opposite direction.  Soon enough, not a single pony was seen on the street.

We made it back home after a delightful walk.  We made sure to dampen our pace and cherish in each others close company.  Even after such a displeasure of a day it has been, walking silently next to Vinyl was able to bring a smile to my face.  All my discorded emotions had left, leaving nothing but peaceful and relaxing ones.  I wish the serenity could have lasted longer, but neigh, eventually we came up to the front door, unlocked it, went to the kitchen, and unloaded the groceries.  

"Vinyl.  What are these?"  I asked, holding up a plastic box filled with small black spheres.

"Hmm?"  She turned to me.  "Oh those are the blackberries you wanted."

"Blackberries?"  I questioned.  "No no Vinyl, I requested blueberries."

Her face fell to a frown and she hastily rummaged through her saddlebags, levitating out the list I wrote.  "Blueberries?  I swore it said blackberries...oh...it does say blue..."  The parchment floated to the floor.  "Sorry..."

I shrugged and put the berries on the counter.  "Think nothing of it, dear.  It was probably my fault for writing it to quickly to be legible.  Do you like blackberries by any chance?"

She shrugged.  "Yeah, I'll eat 'em."

"Good, because I'm allergic to them."

A loud 'thump' echoed through the house.  I was about to turn around and investigate, but I found myself lying face down on the floor.  When I got up, I noticed two things:  One, the dining room table had been flipped sideways on the floor.  And two, Vinyl was taking cover behind it like a grenade was about to go off.  I was about to stand back up when an invisible force pushed me back down.

"Get down, Tavi!"  Vinyl whispered.

I rolled my eyes and sat next to her.  "What has gotten into you?"  I asked in a normal tone.

"Uhh, me just saving your life, duh!"  She carefully peered over the top of the table.  "Those berries could have killed you!  I did as any loving pony would do: protecting her marefriend."  She shot another death glare at the berries.  "Look at them...just standing there... menacingly."

I couldn't help but giggle at the whole display.  "Come now Vinyl, I'm not deathly allergic to them!  I'll just get a skin rash if I eat one.  Although this whole facade was unnecessary, thank you for looking out for me.  You're so sweet, Scratchie."  I then leaned in and kissed the tip of her horn.

Vinyl winced and groaned as if she was in pain.  A few sparks composed on the tip of her horn and danced around the base before disappearing.  She then lay down on the floor, gently rubbing the tip of her horn.

Another wave of concern washed over me.  "Oh my, I'm sorry Vinyl!  Did I hurt you?!"  Damn unicorns and their fancy horns.

She took a deep breath before standing back up.  Blood rushed to her cheeks.  "N-no...it didn't hurt...quite the opposite actually..."

I raised a brow.  "What do you mean?"

The scarlet on her cheeks deepened to a dark crimson.  "W-well I uh...well...you see...uh...a unicorn's horn is uh...very..s-sensitive..."

"Oh...so I just hit a nerve and it reacted to the the touch?"  I inquired.

"Sorta...ummm...well what you did was...it felt g-good...like, r-really good."

Hmmm, interesting.  "So a unicorn's horn is sensitive to light touches, and it stimulates pleasure when touched?"  I asked.

I swear all the blood in her body is occupying her face.  "Y-yeah...but uh...t-touching a horn is like...like...v-very... intimate.

Intimate?  As in sexual?  Wait....oh Celestia...did I just?  I did didn't I?!  Oh Celestia and Luna I feel so embarrassed!  Up until now I have not even thought about having sex with Vinyl!  I knew eventually it will come, but I didn't know it was going to be this awkward!  What do I do?  What do I say?  Do I continue to pleasure Vinyl by kissing her horn again?  No, that would just be EXTREMELY awkward.  Should I just ignore everything and continue putting the groceries away?  Yeah, that seems like a good idea...let's go with that.