“I don’t give a fuck, Ben! You know, I don’t know if you’ve realized this, but you only have your company because I made that possible!” I yelled into the phone, “So if I ask you to comp me a car as a favor, then you will comp me a fucking car. End of discussion!”

Clack!

I hung up the receiver- then hung my head in my hands with a sigh. My wife moved around behind my desk chair, gently rubbing my shoulders to try and relieve some of the stress I felt.

“Baby, please. You’re getting worked up over nothing.” I groaned, facepalming lightly and dragging it down the side of my face.

“I spent four fucking days taking care of my sick baby; not five minutes after I’m back, we get the news that we massacred five thousand fuckin’ zebras!” I punched my desk, “Some fuckin’ sixteen year-olds lied about their age, and one of them got knocked outta’ the sky and broke his neck!”

“There’s nothing we can do about that, honey.” Dee just intoned plainly, and I groaned.

“Dee… Someone lost a son, I will not take this lightly; but what the fuck can I do?” I lit up a cigarette, gesturing for my wife to crack a win- she yanked the cigarette out of my mouth and crushed it in my ash-tray.

“Not while I’m around!” She nagged, and I rolled my eyes, unable to bother arguing.

“His parents are expecting answers! They want a full-on investigation into how he was allowed in!” According to Ulysses, the kid, Joey, said he convinced his friends’ parents to let him go; even if they’re projecting their guilt, it’s still awful!

“He lied about his age. What more information do they want or need?” Dee said- and I felt like I wanted to scream. She moved to the other side of my desk and leaned in, “Honey- we’ll pay ‘em off and move on. Just like always.” I just rolled my eyes.

“Look, I know it’s asking a lot, but could you at least pretend to feign some empathy for once?” I asked frankly, not even bothering to look her in the eyes. “They lost a son, Dee! Their baby!” I looked up just in time to flinch at her backhoof swing.

Thwap.

“Agh!” I winced, cheek stinging from the (mercifully light) slap.

“Do you think that hasn’t been on the forefront of my mind too!?” she yelled, jabbing her hoof into my chest. I flinched, my upper arms constricting my body as if to defend itself.

“Sorry! I’m sorry, I-I love you, I didn’t mean it!” She shook her head, rolling her eyes.

“And I love you too, don’t you fucking forget it!” She looked me in the eyes and growled; I nodded my head rapidly, unable to formulate a proper response. “I’ll take care of it if it’s such a big fucking deal!” As much as I wanted to say yes, I hesitated. “I got shit to do. Smoke a fucking joint or something- because if you’re this mopey during Anastasia’s birthday party, I’m gonna be upset.”

She stormed off in a huff, slamming my office door shut behind her.

“I’M SORRY!” I shouted, hoping she’d hear somehow. Realistically, she was right; and as long as I don’t find out how the situation gets taken care of, I’m more than happy to live in ignorance… and who am I to say no to an offer like that?

It was early morning, and Anastasia’s birthday wouldn’t be until after she got home from school; So naturally, she decided to try pretending to be sick to stay home. Her fever had long-since broken, her movement isn’t nearly as lethargic, and she puts up a fight every time I try to clean her nose. She’s fine.

“Oh, oh no! I’ve seen this before! Do you know what it is?” I said, standing next to her bedside with a deadly serious expression; giving her the impression that I believed her.

“What is it? Cough, cough!” Her coughing was obviously forced, and the nervous look started increasing.

“It looks like a terrible case of LBS.” I said ominously.

“W-What’s that?” She asked, and I gave her a wide grin.

“Lazy Bum Syndrome.” She groaned in annoyance and crossed her arms, and I laughed while ruffling her feathers, “Now get! Breakfast is almost done!”

But, anyways... Might as well get stoned. It’ll enhance the food preparation, at least.

---

For Celestia, looking down at the same sparsely-tree’d river valley from her private Villa… just wasn’t the same as it used to be. But she’d been asked a question- a difficult one, at that. Sitting on a large pillow, she peered out at the surprisingly short horizon; for her villa, snuggled within the crest of a valley, was surrounded by much taller mountains. Compared to the beacon-esque view of Equestria offered by the Sunlight Tower of Canterlot Castle, this was but a smaller frame of a bigger picture. She puffed away at her pipe, and with a deep breath, finally came to a conclusion.

“I’m… content.” she said, taking another draw, avoiding the disapproving look of her doctor- nicknamed Banana Ann by some.

“But are you happy? Honestly, truly, happy?” She reiterated the question as she leaned into the arm of her seat, and Celestia sighed.

“Do you want the truth, then? Do you really want to know what I’m thinking?” Celestia wasn’t sure why she was so upset- for Ann just gave her that same kind smile she always did.

“Go ahead- take your time.” She encouraged calmly, and Celestia sighed heavily.

“I’m not going back!” She said, refusing to make eye contact. “Why is it that when I’m asked if I’m happy, that’s what my mind wanders to!?” Ann tilted her head, a look of concern and worry on her face.

“Go back? You mean a relapse?” Her confusion was understandable- it wasn’t a confession she made often.

“The throne. The crown weighs as much as Sol for heaven’s sake!” She was referring to the sun, laughing a mirthless, hollow laugh. “I-I can’t do it! After so long, I fear the stress and-and pain would break me!” She ranted, tears forming in the corners of her eyes.

Ann got out of her chair, hobbling to the Princess. “May I?” Celestia nodded, scooting over so Ann could lean into her side.

Celestia giggled. “Goodness. What is it about ponies that makes us unable to resist physical affection?” She mused, sniffling while wiping a tear from her eye. She held her wing out and gestured- “May I?” Ann had scarcely nodded when the Princess wrapped a wing around her back.

“I love my little ponies, Ann. And I’m not saying that like a politician does; when my ponies are hurting, I’m hurting.” Celestia sighed as she explained- “But… having to go through that constant pain for thousands and thousands of years is agony. Blueblood was an utter bastard- but news of his death is what sent me into that last nightmarish vision.” She scowled, scoffing at herself in disgust. “Call me selfish- because I know I’m selfish.” She huffed momentarily before Ann spoke up.

“I’m still not judging you. Never have, never will. And you have a perfectly valid point, too!” Celestia took a couple slow breaths, trying to calm down. Easier said than done, however.

“Equestria is my rock, in more than one sense. It’s my rock, in that it’s a place of comfort, strength, and safety- my rock in the storm.” Her hopeful tone grew bitter as she said- “And it’s my rock, in the sense that the gods have forced me to roll it up a fucking mountain for eternity. I made some mistakes thousands of years ago, only for them to catch up and make me slip when things were finally looking good!” Truthfully, she’d been bottling this up for a long time. “I don’t have eternity in me! I’m just a woman!” Tears were flowing freely now, and Ann did what she could do to provide comfort.

“Scream into the void as much as you need. I’ll be here listening.” In other words- Pay no mind to me. Let it out.

“When you’re at the top of the pyramid, all the eyes are on you, all the time! Every mistake you make is laid bare to see! It’s constant anxiety keeping me from any restful sleep! It’s stress so bad as to cause ulcers! Ponies relied on me so much, it was a wonder they could function on their own!” She ranted, unable to physically give a fuck anymore as she threw her pipe at the ground and sniffled. “Let the ponies have their self determination or whatever buzzword they’re calling it! See what good it does them!” She crossed her arms, hanging her head with a sigh.

“Are you looking for a solution? Or did you just need to vent?” Celestia hovered a handkerchief over, using it to blow her nose. She snorted into it deeply, exhaling with a whinny-esque sound; cringing as the awful, slimy rag floated into a nearby trash bin.

“Sorry you had to see that.” She said with a sheepish blush. Ann just giggled-

“I’ve seen worse.” Celestia rolled her eyes, looking off to the side with a heavy sigh.

“What… what solution?” She said, shaking her head. “I legally can’t take the throne back, not to mention the PR nightmares- Twilight would have to give it up to me, and I couldn’t just utterly destroy her reputation like that. The ponies wouldn’t forgive her- they’ll probably see it as Twilight’s incompetence forcing me out of retirement!” Something… something in the way Celestia said that seemed… odd to Ann. She had a hunch that may not have been the full truth… but she didn’t have enough information to pry.

“Well… who said you had to be on top?” Ann asked, and Celestia opened her mouth.

“That’d never work! I… I…” Celestia blinked, rubbing her chin and humming. “Be honest with me, Ann. Has anything happened in the news lately? For my mental health, I’ve been avoiding the sensationalism of public radio in favor of direct, unbiased reports from my sister… but there’s something she’s not telling me.” Celestia explained, huffing like a petulant child. “Every time I’ve brought up the lack of updates this week, she tries to derail the conversation or claims telephone connectivity issues!” Though to be fair- the remoteness of her house did cause a little bit of that last thing.

Ann… felt a pit drop in her stomach. Widespread concern and stress over recent events has caused at least a few of her own patients to relapse; they catastrophized the event so bad, they figured there was no point going on sober… but thankfully, they all invariably came back for help.

“Please, don’t be nervous. You can tell me- you’re safe here.” Ann… felt comforted beneath Celestia’s wing. Before the return of Princess Luna, certain ponies referred to her as Mother Equestria, probably for this very reason, she reckoned.

Ann took a deep breath. “The Griffons set up an illegal settlement out in the edge of the Zebra desert- likely to extract oil, they believe.” Celestia let out a brief sigh of relief- one which caught in her throat. “There was a… a massacre.”

“A wh-cough!” she held a hoof to her mouth for a brief moment, recentering herself by holding a hoof to her chest and breathing in. “What happened?”

Ann shrugged, having not read much of the news out of a personal choice. What she did know, is that a lot of ponies are afraid of the griffons invading, now.

“There was… allegedly… an outpost of 400-ish soldiers and 100-ish civilians. For transgressing into their ancient territories, the Shah of Irem sent an army of around… now, I’ve heard a few estimates thrown around… but the agreed upon final number seems to be 4000…ish.” Celestia blinked incredulously.

“Five hundred vers- No. No, that can’t be right.” Celestia huffed nervously, tapping her hoof into her pillow. “Ann… thank you. Sincerely.” Celestia stood up, and Ann was painfully aware of when she left the Princesses embrace. “I have to make a phone call, if you don’t mind sticking around. Lunch should be ready soon! I want you to join me!”

---

“Un-fuckin’ believable!” I slapped the newspaper with the back of my hand in rage, lifting another joint up to my beak. Mamma and I were on the porch, letting our lunch settle before we went back to the food preparations. It was a copy of the Manehattan Post- one of a short stack of Equestrian newspapers I liked to look at every now and then.

I sparked the joint angrily, starting it with a quick few puffs.

“Why do you look at those pony newspapers? They always seem to make you angry.” I was barely through my second puff when she was holding her hand out for me to pass it.

I let out a deep sigh, exhaling my pre-pass puff with contentment. “It’s good to know what the general public thinks of you- even in foreign nations, good PR is important.” And harder to build than a fucking credit score, evidently. “But I’m not that fat!”

The front page in question was illustrated with a cartoon caricature of me, sitting at a dinner table with a map of the Equestrian continent. My fork had removed a large chunk of the zebra desert, and I couldn’t help but cringe at the hideous look of lust and gluttony the artist used to represent my face… due to the overall shape of my body in this depiction, I’m willing to bet the artist draws ladies like that more often than you’d expect. Does she look like the kinda griffon to leave a dinner plate unfinished? Was the caption.

Swip!

Mamma ripped the paper out of my hands, tearing it into pieces and throwing it into the trash bin. I stood there in shock for a moment- before I finally shrugged.

“Thanks, Ma.” I said, rolling my eyes and leaning back in the chair. “Pass it- Ah, what the fuck! You chiefed it!” I yelled outraged, “Give it back!” She was snorting in laughter, holding my joint in her far hand.

“I didn’t hear please, honey.” She said with a smirk- and I just rolled my eyes, pulling another one out of my vest pocket.

“Please?” I said sarcastically, sparking another joint. Mamma’s face morphed into a serious expression, and I was mentally preparing to get bitched out.

“Snrk… Kye-hahahaaa!” She snorted, unable to keep a straight face as the sativa did its thing. Then, we were both distracted by the sound of a car coming up the driveway; Dee’s new car was a beautiful green four-door with wood side paneling and a lift-gate back hatch. Her V8 engine makes her car shorter and faster than mine; my straight-8 is rapidly becoming outdated, and I couldn’t be happier!

“DEE!” I leaned over the balcony to wave down at my wife. “Honeeyyyy! I missed youuuuu!” I yelled over the balcony. “Honeyyyy! I’m up here!” I was yelling as she parked outside the main door. She got out of the car… along with Silver Spoon and… I muttered under my breath, ‘What the fuck is he doing here!?’ It’s bad enough I embarrassed myself in front of Silver Spoon, but fucking Truffle Shuffle?

“Ugh… I gotta go down and meet ‘em. You good up here?” I asked, and she raised her hand up-

“Honey, what’s wrong?” She asked, concerned. I just shrugged, setting my joint in the ash-tray.

“Nothing, Ma’.” I didn’t even face her, just gliding down into my front lawn.

My wife greeted me with a giggle, running over for a hug. “You dork!” She teased- and yeah, I was acting like a dork back there. I chuckled as I greeted her, kissing her on the cheek. I then turned to Silver Spoon-

“So, my wife finally wants me to meet you?” I said, realizing I hadn’t actually seen her since her arrival! We were good friends, having made up for our practically ancient history long ago. She was one of the few people invited to our private wedding; she started forgiving us right around the same time Dee learned what “subtlety” meant.

She rolled her eyes and giggled, opening her arms for a quick, friendly hug. Then I turned towards her husband, putting on a fake smile when I wanted to run and hide.

“Truffles! Almost didn’t recognize ya’, man!” He jumped when I spoke, his nervousness… quite evident by his speech.

“L-Leona! Long time no see?” He said as I approached,

“Heck yeah! You look fuckin fantastic, bud!” I figured if I flattered him, he wouldn’t break my balls about how I was the fatass now. “I saw you from a distance and said, who is this handsome fuck on my lawn?” I joked, laughing casually. He chuckled as I reached my hand out to shake.

“Th-Thank you!” He stuttered. We shook, and he smiled. “H-hey! How the tables’ve t-turned, huh?”

You could’ve heard a pin drop, my right hand gripping his right hoof as tight as I could.. “Y-You know! We used to be E-Equest-trian citizens, n-now y-you’re the b-boss!” After what for him must’ve been a few agonizing moments… I chuckled, my grip loosening.

“Long time no see indeed, ya’ stutterin’ prick!” My tone made it sound like one of endearment, the two of us going into a half-assed quick hug.

“Leona, help us bring the food in!” That was why I allowed Dee to invite Silver Spoon- her husband was a chef… what I didn’t assume was that Dee had the fucking nerve to embarrass me like this.

“Coming, dear!” I said cheerfully, turning to Truffles- “Keep up! I’ll show the way.” I only said that with a little snark.

Mamma had returned to her own preparations as we shoved various salads and sauces in the fridge.

“Oh, that reminds me!” I piped up, getting my wife's attention. “Dee, there’s a screw loose on the cabinet that we keep the cooking booze locked in. Can you help me fix it? I just need you to hold the one hinge in place.” I said hastily, all but dragging her down into the basement as I blurted out my (plausible enough) explanation.

“Wha- why now?” She asked, upset that I dragged her from her thrilling conversation with Silver Spoon.

“Where the fuck do you get off embarrassin’ me like that?” I fumbled for the hanging light above our heads, finally tugging it on. I huffed, crossing my arms and waiting for an explanation; she just blinked, giving me a look of confusion.

“The fu- wha, did-” she sat on her flanks, holding her hooves up in a what d’ya want from me? Gesture. “First of all, Silver Spoon’s my friend! I invited her, and she offered to have her husband cook some good pony food! Did you think I wasn’t gonna invite him?” I just groaned in annoyance- there was no getting out of this.

“I know, I know, it’s just…” Subconsciously, my wings moved to cover my sides and hips. “I-I’m sensitive, alright!” I sheepishly averted my gaze- and when I felt her arms wrap around me, I flinched.

“Ohh, honey- is that what this is all about?” I wrapped my arms around her, never wanting to leave her embrace. “Baby, he’s not gonna make fun of you!” I sighed petulantly.

“Yeah, but he’s thinking it!” I said, feeling my wife gently stroking my back. “Earlier he looked at me and said, how the tables have turned! He was making fun of me!” I felt her lightly slap my back.

“You’re overthinking it!” She pulled back and put her hooves to my shoulders, looking me right in the eyes. “Even Silver Spoon tells me what an awkward fuck he can be! He was just nervous and didn’t think about his exact phrasing. You remember how he was in school! I didn’t think he could physically talk to girls, let alone bag Silver Spoon!” I admit, I snorted before the two of us burst out into laughter. I sighed, pulling her in for more hugging.

“I’m sorry I lost my temper this morning…” She muttered into my chest, voice cracking like she was about to cry, “My hormones’ve been all out-of-whack lately, a-and, I-” I shushed her gently.

“It’s okay baby, it’s okay.” I petted her mane gently, “I was being unreasonable with you too. I’m sorry.” I couldn’t help but sigh, “I gotta go on a diet… tomorrow.” Maybe. We’ll see. At least once the leftovers are whittled down. Why is food so fucking good?

“Honey!” My wife said flatly, separating our hug again. “Ex-er-size! Weight loss is just burning more calories than you take in. That’s it!” She giggled, poking my chest. I rolled my eyes, giggling-

“Easy for you to say! You munch on dried grass and clover!” She laughed, pointing at me and saying-

“Don’t make me come over there!” We leaned in to hug one more time, and she kissed my cheek. I started heading up the stairs, thankfully feeling much better than bef-

“Wait, stop.” She said, making me stop as soon as my hands went up the first step. She approached me from behind slowly.

“What’re you-” SMACK! “Kyaah!” Right across my asscheeks. I whined petulantly, and Dee giggled madly. SMACK! “Ahhh! Whyyy!”

“I… I really like the jiggle…” She admitted sheepishly, and my eyes widened in disbelief. “And it… it makes you really fun to cuddle and squeeze…” She really likes it?

“I… oh uh… thanks, hon-” SMACK! “AH! Baaaabe!” Going upstairs first was a bad idea. “Are you trying to tell me something?” I snarked as I started moving upstairs.

“Yeah, I am.” She said, and I looked back with an incredulous look- “I’m trying to tell you that you’re fucking hot no matter what!” Ah, that’s what she meant. I just blushed, giggling softly.

“Thanks, babe…” It felt good to have her reassurance, at least… I was still fucking embarrassed though.

As I opened the basement door, I said- “Sorry to disappoint, but this’s a dry party!” I said to Mamma, Silver, and Truffles, still sorting shit in the kitchen. I got a few giggles and an eye roll, but that was it. “Truffles, can I recruit you for somethin’?” I asked, and before he spoke up-

“Honey, you mind helping Leona? The kitchen’s getting crowded, and you’ve already spent all day in one!” She kissed her husband on the cheek, so I gestured for him to follow me out back.

“Come on, we’re settin’ up tables.” I said, leading him to my home’s external garage. We walked in an awkward silence through my back utility room, connected to my cellar, kitchen, and backyard. “I got ‘em in my garage, leaning against the wall.”

“O-Oh, uh, o-okay.” He muttered quietly, jumping when I kicked the door behind us. “Wha-!”

“Calm the fuck down.” I said with a plain, even tone. “Would’ya? I’m not upset, so could you just relax?” He steadied his breathing a bit, taking in a deep breath of air.

“S-Sorry.” He muttered, rubbing his shoulder. I just sighed, pinching the bridge of my beak.

“Be honest- did you really want to be here?” He pursed his lips, staring down at the floor. He shook his head slowly. “Do you want an excuse to go home?” I asked him, and he nodded his head with hardly any hesitation.

“I-I can’t though… my wife really wanted me here...” He muttered, looking off to the side as I rolled my eyes.

“Well… lets say you started puking in my backyard. I couldn’t make you stay then, right?” He glanced at me with a look of incredulity… before chuckling.

“Oldest trick in the book, eh?” I just smirked as he continued- “That was always the excuse I used when I wanted to skip class growing up; at least half the time, my mother fell for it.” I just nodded and said-

“It never worked on my mother, and my daughter has yet to make it work on me.” I laughed- “Just this morning she tried to pull one over me!” I gestured for him to follow me still, “But, ehh… still, help me set up these tables. I really didn’t wanna do it on my own.”

He just tilted his head and blinked. “Oh… okay.” After a few moments of walking he asked, “Do uh… You don’t have people that do that for you?” I just shrugged.

“Eh, I got ‘em all coming in the afternoon to help supervise. The setup is easy enough- the cleanup is what I want them for.”

---

Equus is an ancient, storied planet. Her history is full of tales of strange heroes, strange magics, and strange lands. Within a century or two, billions of names of today will simply be forgotten. Within a millennia, their gravestones will be faded and illegible; but maybe in some dusty government archive, their birth and death may be recorded on fragile paper, their name’s survival depending on the survival of their very nation. And just like people, untold millions of kingdoms have risen to glory only to fade into some vague memory of oral tradition. No-one alive today knows what the ancient Zebra city of Quaggalon truly looked like; but ancient tales pressed into baked clay preserve a flickering candle of memory that lasts even today.

In a sense, one can become immortal through their name echoing across the ages; fitting, as pursuit of immortality is the subject of one of the oldest known stories ever recorded. There are names that, when heard, can only conjure up artists' depictions in classical art and tales of their ancient valor… or grave misdeeds.

Grogar the Goat- Grogar the Goat!
Don’t stay out late… or he’ll tear out your throat!

That’s an old pony nursery rhyme meant to warn foals from staying out after the middle of the night; the subject's deeds had long been forgotten and unknown. Whatever those deeds were doesn’t matter, as history has reduced the details of his story so much that only the detail of bad guy remains.

Over the passing ages, Equus herself has changed, too. Large glacial sheets to the north and south have begun to crack and recede over a several-thousand century cycle. Occasionally large glaciers will break off and drift out into the ocean. On an uncharted coast, far to the south of one of the continents, one of these glaciers floated near the shore. The sun warmed the top layer slowly; a small thing lay in the ice, barely poking above the top layer.

The small, stubby horn glowed like a magnesium bulb, gently warming the immediate area around it. Trapped in ice, its owner stopped thinking a long time ago… but when the natural elements exposed his horn to the gentle breeze, he was snapped out of his… nothingness. His nerves awakened too, the ice making his body feel like he’d jumped in a pit of fire.

Having read the ancient tales, one would expect his resurrection to be a bit more dramatic. Breaking out of the ice with a maniacal laugh, followed by declarations of his intent for revenge and destruction. Countless tales have depicted him waking up from his extended rest to be a grand event, surrounded by cultists beneath a picturesque moon, surrounded by the beating of tom-toms and other such grandiose nonsense.

“Warrrrmmm… Warrrrmmmm…” The cold seeped into his every pore, stinging him like nettles rubbed in pepper juice. “Blanket… please… somebody…” though his thoughts weren’t in any living language, the fact that the basic instinct to get warm still burned in the forefront of his mind was… quite telling. “Please… I don’t want to be here anymore! I want out! I want out!”

His jaw was still totally under the ice- his cries for help never left his frozen lips. His horn provided a little heat, but hardly enough to melt the ice. The ancient Grogar felt like he could cry, as the little sunlight that filtered through the top of the ice faced… if only his tears weren’t already frozen. What little hope he had begun to crumple to despair as the sun fell… but alas. If only he could turn his neck towards the shore for a look.

There were ponies there- ones which would look utterly alien to the ancient pony. They had lion-esque manes with horns that curved and occasionally branched off. A layer of scales went from the tip of their noses all the way down their backs, matching their hooves in color.

Drawn by the glow of strangely-colored fire, they watched curiously from a distance. As worshippers of Cthugha, any flame deemed to be heretical must be extinguished… but they’d soon find out that this was no mere flame.

---

I’ll be honest- driving Truffle home in my car was surprisingly more awkward than I anticipated. My inline-8 was idling at a red light as he nervously shuffled his hooves, dead silent.

“The idle sounds a little weird lately… I should probably take a look at it at some point.” Maybe he was into cars? The fuck if I know.

“Oh, I uh… I wouldn’t know a whole lot about that stuff… Heck, I can barely drive!” Figures. I revved the engine as the light finally went green, the inline-8 screaming along. “Goodness, look at all the fruit and veggie stands!”

I smiled as he admired one of the many farmer’s markets within the city. “Beautiful, isn’t it?” I could almost imagine the smell of a fresh garden tomato as we passed a whole pyramid stack of them. “This is why Birdsnest Bargains doesn't have the Fresh Fauna department like Barnyard’s does. I didn’t wanna lose this.” It figures food would be the one thing we could both relate to, at least.

“That’s wonderful. Ponyville really missed out a lot when the local produce stands started going grocery.” I agreed wholeheartedly. “Yeah, it’s convenient… but it’s not as neighborly, no matter how much the employees force themselves to smile.” He quipped, and I couldn’t help but laugh.

“Exactly! It’s where everyone got to know everyone!” The best part is, it was actually organized by a company that I set up myself. Local vendors rent out the stands for use, and the company provides security and other assistance. “Progress is progress, and you always gotta look for improvement- but logistical improvement doesn’t always correlate to spiritual improvement, you know?” He nodded… somewhat unsurely. Whatever.

I clicked my tongue. “You ever had zebra street food, before?” I asked off the top of my head.

“I haven’t, actually! What’s it like?” He asked, and I just had to oblige. Traffic was a little slow today- so we had time.

“Most of the food was good, but the street food?” I kissed the tips of my fingers and flicked upward like a stereotypical chef, “Fuckin bee-autiful! They grilled vegetables and stuff over charcoal and slathered them in a thick, sticky sauce.”

“A thick sauce, you say?” Most pony vegetable sauces are thin, based on butter, cheese, or even oil, occasionally. “That’s interesting!” I grunted as I imagined the flavors coming back to me.

“Yeah! You should’ve seen it, the fur around a lot of the zebras mouths was dyed red from the stuff! A wet rag is a must.” I explained, my smirk softening as I thought. “It’s really sweet and somewhat smokey. There was a hint of onion and garlic powder, along with cumin and chili powder- but it was still sweet, almost candy-like.”

He had a hoof to his chin, looking at the ceiling of my car with a smile- almost like he was fantasizing about the sauce… not that I could blame him. I… wasn’t gonna tell him Mamma made a batch of the stuff for tonight.

“Please tell me you have a recipe?” He asked, and I nodded without any hesitation.

“Fuck yeah I do! I haven’t gotten to trying it out myself, but I’d be more than happy to send you a copy!” I held up a fist, which he bumped with a hoof. “Have you ever had Hen’s Ketchup? I’m gonna try and convince him to add Zebra Sauce to his product lineup.”

“I prefer homemade- but Hen’s 75 is the only store-bought ketchup I can stomach… despite all the added sugar.” Good man, good man… Of course he brings up the added sugar. I wanted to be annoyed, I wanted to roll my eyes… but I couldn’t. I sighed, keeping my eyes straight on the road.

“I… I owe you an apology. Sincerely.” I just kept my focus on the road, wanting to avoid his judging look. “I… I… Agh, look at me, for fucks sakes! It… it’s hard, being this big. It’s hard, trying to get… smaller… Sometimes I want to punch the mirror in the morning, and… and…” I took a deep breath, trying to calm down. “I’m sorry for… for all those… awful things I said to you all those years ago. I… I couldn’t be happier for you, man… and I’m sorry if that was weird to say…”

“Leona?” He spoke up, and I kept looking forward. “I… I’m hesitant to say I forgive you.” The quickest glance showed me he was staring intensely at the passenger door, wrapping his hooves around himself. I looked forward again. “Did you know I used to cry myself to sleep at night? Or that I’d try to lose weight by starving myself during the day, only to lose control and binge whatever was in the kitchen in the middle of the night?” I swallowed, feeling a lump in my throat. “It wasn’t until I was in my mid-twenties when my doctor gave me an ultimatum; go on a diet or risk suffering a stroke or heart disease within the next few years.”

I sniffed, feeling tears roll down my cheeks. “I-I’m sorry…” I sniffed, feeling my breath hitch in my throat. “M-make fun of m-me, if-if it’ll help…” I just… wasn’t sure how to handle this.

“It’s easy to say sorry, isn’t it?” That was true… “But… I can’t bring myself to shame someone for struggling with the same things I did. I’m genuinely sorry if that one comment earlier sounded off-color. It was just… nerve-wracking facing the source of so much of my trauma.” I shook my head slowly.

“Don’t even mention that. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t on-edge too.” I couldn’t help but let out a huff as a half-hearted chuckle. “I admire you for turning your life around like you did. Truly.” I glanced over to see he was looking down with a weary smile.

“You’ve… changed since we were little. Both of us did.” I couldn’t agree more. “We can’t change the past, but… fuck it. I’m a different stallion in a different world. I’m sure you’ve been through a lot of difficulty and hardship yourself, if the rumors are true… Why not call it even?” I glanced over, and he smirked with a shrug.

“Ehh, what the fuck? Sure.” I held up a fist for him to bump again- “And to tell you the truth, I’ve been sober for a little over a month, now. Addiction’s always been a problem in my family, and I’m no exception.” He gave a half-hearted chuckle.

“I had a food addiction. Believe me, I know that song and dance!” Food addiction, eh? Huh. Never thought of that.

“Wait, wait.” I said, holding my hand up. “You’re a chef with a food addiction? That’s like a recovering alcoholic bartender!” I joked, and we both shared a laugh. “How’s your job goin’, anyway?” I asked, and he shrugged.

“It’s alright. They got me working the late shift managing the bar.” I was… a little surprised.

“Wait, you’re not the head chef in one of the pony restaurants downtown?” I asked, and he shook his head. I could’ve sworn that’s what Dee told me… but I guess I just misremembered. “Fuck that! You mind if I make a detour?” I asked, already preparing to pull a u-turn to head back into the city proper. “I know a guy. Tell me- what’d you do before you came over here?”

“I was the Executive Chef at Elysium, a high-end restaurant in Manehattan.” he explained confidently; I could tell he was finally somewhat comfortable, at least. “I took a lot of pride in maintaining a smooth operation, and my tweaks to the menu made the place even more famous.” I knew the place exactly. I think I left an arm in one of their dumpsters, once. It’s very… pony-centric. But that was fine.

In the city, there was a place called Gold Leaf that specialized in pony cuisine for all the upper-class pony locals. One of the few high-end restaurants of its like, help was… a bit hard to come by.

As usual, I parked out front and made my way through the back, Truffles following behind. Cooks were running around the kitchen frantically making their preparations for dinnertime, led by the head chefs all the while. The manager was the one guiding the head-chefs, and the one I was looking for.

“Oh! Goldy-Boy!” I yelled, and he rolled his eyes in annoyance. “You busy?” I asked, and he ran his forehoof across his forehead.

“Nah, I got a minute.” He said, breaking away from the chaos. “What can I help with?” the yellow pony asked, readjusting his hat.

“I finally found an assistant manager for you!” He’d asked if I could keep an eye out the last time my wife and I visited- and I was more than happy to oblige. I presented Truffles, slapping him on the back. “Meet Truffle Shuffle.” He held his hoof out, and the two of them shook.

“Wonderful to meet you, Mr. Leaf.” He had a smug grin as Goldie looked him up and down.

“Before you ask,” I said, “My wife trusted him enough to cook for my daughter's birthday party. He knows his stuff.” Goldie looked… considerably more impressed. “What time you want him to start next week?” Was all I needed to ask.

“Ten-O-clock sharp. Monday.” He gave Truffles a smile- and his eyes widened in shock. “Don’t be late.”

He then turned to me, and I held my hand out. I held my head high as he gently grabbed my hand to kiss the back of it.

“Thank you, Don Grimfeather.” I just shrugged, wearing a kind smile.

“For an honest business man like yourself? I’m happy to give favors.” I put a hand to his shoulder as he stood up. “And if I should call on you, I wholeheartedly hope you’ll pick up. Understand?” He nodded, and I patted him on the back.

“I understand. Thank you.” I smirked as I turned around.

“Don’t worry about the union paperwork. I’ll call Giuseppe later.” Was all I needed to say before we made our way out.

I turned the key and pressed the starter pedal, my engine roaring to life.

“...Wow.” He said, and I couldn’t help but laugh.

“I was about to ask what you thought, but I guess you liked it there!” But surprisingly, he shook his head.

“No, no, it’s… I expected to have to put in a resume or something!” He joked, and the two of us laughed.

“Believe me- my word means a lot around here.”

---

I felt much better once I dropped Truffles off, at least. But the day was far from over. I was rushing to help Mamma finish the rest of the food prep, up until I had to leave to pick Anastasia up. Thankfully Dee and Silver took it upon themselves to do more set up in the backyard.

At the school, Anastasia bolted into my arms!

“MAMMA!” She yelled, and I lifted her to set her on my passenger seat.

“Hey, baby!” I kissed her on the cheek, shutting her door and making my way to the driver's seat. She clicked her seatbelt as I was wrapping a wing around her to pull her into my side. “Happy birthday!” She giggled as I shifted my still-running car into gear. “How was school?” That made her groan as we made our way to the highway.

“Boring!” She whined, and I chuckled. “I wanted to stay home!”

“Honey, if I skipped school everytime I didn’t wanna go, I’d be dumb as bricks.” I tapped the side of my head a couple times for emphasis, “Remember that!” But she rolled her eyes still.

“Your friends excited, at least?” Anastasia started nodding her head rapidly.

“Yeah! Yeah! YEAH!” She sounded so adorably excited!

When we got home, we had about an hour until the parents dropped Annie’s friends off. There would only be eight other kids, but I wanted to make sure Annie and I looked good for appearances sake… So, I had to force her into a shower, somehow.

“No! I don’t wanna!” She whined, wanting to start the party immediately. But I huffed, rolling my eyes.

“I’ll let you shoot your gun tonight if you get in the shower.” Her eyes widened, and she wasted no time dashing back into the bathroom, slamming the door behind her. She can slick her hair up all she wants after the parents leave! It’ll be for fifteen minutes, tops.

The two of us stood near each-other. She was wearing a shirt and striped vest like I was, but I had an overcoat atop my outfit. It was kind of adorable- especially when I saw her wonder-filled look as the parents paid their respects to me, kissing the back of my hand. I gazed down at them with caring smiles, since they gave me the respect I deserved.

The parents left just as the friends and family showed up- I assured the parents that a private bus would return my daughter’s friends home safely. Anastasia and I wasted no time in getting into casual relaxed-wear; it was time to relax.

It was such a wonderful time- we all ate and listened to music while Anastasia played with her friends. She always had her yo-yo and toy pistol on her; cops and robbers was a particular favorite of theirs. They started an impromptu-game of kickball right before the cake was brought out.

It was fucking massive, chocolate flavored with strawberry icing, stacked in three layers. In fact, because of all the people her, it shrank surprisingly quick. We were bringing Anastasia’s presents out for her to open, when I happened to spot the last slice of cake, gleaming on the tray in the afternoon sunlight.

I licked my beak, approaching the wonderful confectionary and grabbing a plate.

“Mamma!” Anastasia got my attention, and I cocked an eyebrow. “Can I have the last slice of cake?” Why you gotta break my heart like this? I wanted to retort… but I gave her a smile instead.

“Of course, honey! Anything for my baby’s special dayyy!” I plated the last slice for her and handed it off.

“Thanks Ma’!” She said as she bolted off… I really wanted that last slice of cake. But those hard sacrifices are what motherhood is about… But I really wanted that last slice!

Anastasia tore ravenously into her gifts, and I had to keep reminding her of her manners! She wanted to keep going from one present to the next without even saying thank you, or wondering who got it for her!

Eh, I doubt anyone was offended- but still. Even if she is a goofball, I still gotta raise her right.

The rest of the evening slowed down after that, as Anastasia wanted to dig into her presents. The bus left a little before dark, and the rest of the party started clearing out not long after that. Anastasia had school tomorrow- so this day couldn’t be long for everyone.

---

Late that night, it was just Anastasia and I left. A large spotlight was shone from the back balcony, illuminating the backyard for Tonio and his crew to clean up. But even they left soon- leaving the backyard to Anastasia and I.

We stood facing away from the house, at a small dirt hill in my backyard. Crickets could be heard buzzing all around our backyard, bathed in light.

“You remember all I taught you, Annie?” I asked, the cylinder flicking open with a spin. Something I ate for dinner gave me heartburn- and I had to suppress a burp as it intensified.

“Of course, Mamma. Always keep it pointed down range. Finger off the trigger. Don’t cock it until I’m ready to shoot.” I smirked, loading a bullet into the chamber and holding it in place. The hammer was on an empty chamber- the bullet will move into place when she pulls the hammer back.

“Just aim-urp! Sorry- aim for the dirt.” I covered my beak with a fist, hoping my breath didn’t stink. “Don’t be afraid of it, baby.”

After a few moments, she chuckled. “Why would I be?”

Click- POP!

The recoil was minimal, and there was barely a cloud of smoke- but her eyes lit up as she gasped! Beak wide open, she was laughing in excitement after her first ever bullet!

“CAN I DO MORE!? PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE-” She begged, and I smirked.

“Alright, just a few more- then we gotta go back inside. Mamma isn’t feeling too well…” The heartburn flared again, and I was starting to feel nauseous. I took the gun off her, popping the chamber.

“Watch and learn.” I said, using the guide-rod to shove an empty cartridge out. I then pointed the gun directly in front of me, sliding rounds into all five chambers. Guide rod put in place, I handed it to Anastasia who squealed excitedly; I pounded my chest, huffing in annoyance.

Anastasia paid no mind, aiming her revolver at the dirt mound.

Click! POP!

Click! POP!

I swallowed spit, noticing sweat pouring down my head. Something was wrong.

Click! POP!

Click! POP!

I dashed off to the side, feeling bile rise in my throat, much hotter than it should be.

Click! POP!

FWOOOOSH!

As I vomited into a bush, flames burst forth from my beak instead, materializing in a letter which floated above my head briefly. It landed among the dried leaves unscathed, and Anastasia finally realized that something was wrong.

“MAMMA!” She yelled, bolting over to my side as I grabbed the letter cautiously. Bemused, I undid the red ribbon which held it together… it wasn’t just a letter. It was a scroll.

My mouth went dry as I beheld Celesia’s personal seal on top of the letter.

Leona. We need to talk. At five-o-clock sharp, I will arrive at the doorstep of your compound for a little… heart to heart.

You don’t have an option. There are things we need to discuss. And if anything happens to me, your Kingdom will become one of ash by morn’.

Yours amicably, Celestia.

I clutched the letter in a fist, shaking as I held my baby close. This is the first I think anyone outside of a select few have heard anything from Celestia in years. Now she wants to meet me personally? If she’s sick, she’s going through great efforts to meet me, presumably.

What… Oh God.

“Anastasia… Please. Bring your mother here.” I sat on my flanks, feeling on the verge of a nervous breakdown. What did she want? What did she want? I was hyperventilating, sweating bullets in my backyard. My stomach was twisting itself into knots as my vision started to swim.

It might have been a panic attack- but I wasn’t sure. I wasn’t sure of anything, anymore. But if Celestia wants her meeting? Fine. Fine. But damn her for doing this to me!

I have a discord server for this fic out now!! It'd be real cool if u joined :333

As always, thanks so much for reading! Likes and comments are greatly appreciated! :3