Let me tell ya’s: It’s been a fuckin minute since I last had a proper hangover. And being woken up by my wonderful daughter yelling BREAKFAST TIME, MAMMA! WE’RE GETTING READY TO GO! Was uh… Ah, there went my train of thought. Fantastic.

Having shambled into the shower to wash up, I was thankful to see that my outfit for the day had already been laid out for me. The shower helped immensely in waking me up, but could only do so much for the pounding headache I had; and it wasn’t my usual type of headache, as the tylenol wasn’t even strong enough.

I struggled with my white button-up before throwing on my black vest, decorated with gold hemwork; Oddly enough, it was a bit tighter than I remembered. A small button-up pocket concealed a switchblade stiletto, a bandolier of .455 Long came with its own holster for my revolver: slung diagonally across my chest, leaving the holster partially concealed under my left arm. As an afterthought, I decided to check my gun.

Snap!

A single button held the holster’s flap closed, and undoing that revealed the butt of my gun. The black rubber grips had a ring for a lanyard, but I didn’t need it. It was a fat fuckin’ piece, and in many ways reminded me of a Webley; with its top-release conveniently next to my thumb, making it much easier to use. Using my other hand, I could partially open the chambers without spitting the cartridges everywhere, and closed it with a satisfying Snap! Once I was done with my inspection.

I know top-breaks like the Webley and the Schofield fell out of favour because powerful cartridges would wear down the hinges, but the way I see it, it’s just black powder. Out of a barrel this short, the velocity tapers off quickly: But as long as you keep it oiled and clean it every time you shoot it, it’ll be fine. Even shooting it a few times will leave your hand black with soot, and if you leave it on the metal then it’ll get eaten away.

That reminds me, I need to look into the current sustainability of whaling; alternatively, I need to push for the development of synthetic lubricants to help replace the use of whale oil. Probably the latter, now that I think about it.

Anyways, I finally threw my overcoat on!

Then I saw the weight scale, practically taunting me from the corner of the bathroom. I figured, what the heck? It’d been a while since I last weighed myself…

The gauge on this scale looked like the rev counter on my car in the way it shot up.

‘Four-fifty…’ I muttered, seeing that it was awfully close to the red. Look, I know I put on a few pounds in the last few years, but that can’t be right.

First went off the overcoat.

‘Four-fortyfive…’ Then came the bandolier and pocket knife.

‘Four-thirty…’ I then looked back at my leg. ‘It’s made of oak… so take like ten… nah, about twenty pounds off for that.’

“That’ll do.” I said to myself as I got dressed again and headed downstairs.

Thankfully, breakfast was barely in swing. Everyone’s smart enough to know that “Breakfast time!” Didn’t imply that it was done, but that it’s time to get ready.

No sooner than when I sat at the table, Mamma set my plate in front of me that almost made me forget the hangover I had; a mountain of scrambled eggs was bedecked by a garland of ketchup, surrounded by foothills of crispy bacon and a valley of hashbrowns. A pot of coffee sat in the middle of the table, as did a jug of orange juice and a couple bottles of milk; syrup, butter, and whipped cream was set out for those who had pancakes.

We all sat around and just talked, since they knew Annie and I would be gone for a while. As we were eating, I couldn’t help but notice that my plate was a bit… bigger than everyone else's. Didn’t stop me from finishing it, though; goodness knows I can’t stand wasting good food.

“Thanks, Gramma!” Anastasia spoke up, her plate still having half a stack of pancakes. “Breakfast was good!” She grabbed her plate-

“Oh!” I yelled, getting her attention. “Breakfast ain’t over yet.” I pointed to her plate, making her sheepishly sit back down.

“But I’m full.” She huffed, reaching for her fork.

“Well then give it to me if you ain’t gonna eat it.” I conceded with a huff, my daughter wasting no time setting the plate atop my empty one. I ruffled her feathers and said- “You know how many people go without? Wasting food is no good. I can’t stand it.” I said, using a fork to scrape the excess whipped cream off.

“I know, Mamma. I’ll try not to!” She said innocently as she half-bolted out of the room. With a smile, I forked up a bit of pancake, savouring the-

“You’re right, sweetie.” Mamma spoke up, “Wasting food is terrible.” I nodded, taking another bi-

“Oh, please, look at her! She’d never let your cooking go to waste!” My wife chuckled from beside me.

Clack!

I literally dropped my fork. Why did I want to cry? We’re just eating breakfast, why…

Thunk!

“I am NOT FAT!” My fist slammed into the table upon that outburst, causing the remaining two occupants to jump. I was fuming, breathing heavily through a grit beak.

“No, no! That’s not what I meant!” My wife instantly threw her arms around me, making my anger melt away. “Honey, I’m saying your mom’s a fantastic cook, that’s all!”

With a sigh, I wrapped my arms around her in turn.

“Sorry. I can’t help being a little self-conscious…” I muttered, making sure my shirt was covering the pudgy bit of my stomach. “Between having Anastasia, and-” but Mamma interrupted.

“Can I butt in?” She asked, throwing a wing around my back with a loving smile. “After breakfast, you can come with me on my morning runnin’-fly.” She suggested, and I shrugged. A “Runnin’-fly” is basically her daily jog and short flight for exercise… not that it’s doing a whole lot. She’s only a little thinner than I was.

“Eh, nah.” I said, which was apparently the wrong answer, if Mamma’s glare was anything to go off of. I just shrugged- “What? I already showered and I don’t wanna get my running leg out!” Which was basically a peg leg with a dish-shaped bottom and a cradle made of thick, concentric springs which allow the dish to tilt in any direction; one of the many Syndicate advances to come from nationalising medical RnD.

The glare never left. “Alright, alright, I’ll go.” I conceded, and Mamma smiled.

“You know what else you can do?” my wife asked, and I cocked an eyebrow. “Cut back on drinking. Seriously.” And before I could respond, Mamma spoke up.

“That’s true! I read that alcohol is basically just dead calories; not to mention, it makes you crave unhealthy foods!” Which was… true. “Seriously, I read it in a magazine, once!” I nodded, unable to refrain from chuckling.

“I know, I know… Of course, honey.” I said to my wife, turning and giving her a kiss on the cheek. She giggled, returning the favour with a smooch on my beak; Mamma kissed my temple before returning to her plate.

“I… I’m sorry for what I said earlier. Thinking back, I can see…” I just waved a hand, muttering fugeddaboutit under my breath. “No, no! You’re right to have reacted how you did, I-”

Once again, I had to laugh. “Don’t worry about it!” I hugged her tight from the side, saying- “I’m not worried, why are you?” She smiled, kissing me on the cheek.

“I love youuuu!” She singsonged, making me grin.

“Love you too!” With a peck on the cheek… Pancakes!

Despite being significantly closer to room temperature, the pancakes were still fantastic! Though while I was still engulfed in oral bliss, my wife spoke up.

“You think I could join you two for the jog?” She asked innocently, causing Mamma to drop her fork in offence.

“OH!” She half-yelled, outraged at the thought! “No! For cryin’ out loud, you’ve got a baby on the way! For all you know, it could stress the baby out!” Dee looked at me incredulously, and I shrugged.

“Don’t look at me. I put up with it for nine months, too.” While I hated going against her wishes, I got away with it because Mamma couldn’t really stop me. But Dee? Eh, she’ll be fine.

“Uuuugh! Fine!” She groaned, much to my amusement. But thankfully, the rest of breakfast went by smoothly. Still- things could be worse.

—

Because it’d be faster, we would be taking our zeppelin from Featherworth to one of the western seaports, where we’d take a ship down to Vay-Na’hay, or the Zebra Jungle. Due to the lack of a proper landing spot for a plane or a zeppelin there, it would have to do.

“Bye, Mamma! Tell my kid-sis I can’t wait to see her!” Dee was saying goodbye to our baby just outside our zeppelin. We were still on the runway bitumen, and the sound of mail-planes and passenger-planes droned on like white noise.

“I will, sweetie! She really likes your letters, too!” Dee said, since Anastasia was convinced her sister was just waiting to move in; we figured we’d encourage her and keep the letters with the Anastasia Dossier(family photo album) for sentimental reasons. “You’re very good at writing!” She said, ruffling Annie’s feathers.

“Maaaa! I knowww!” She whined, reaching into her jacket for a comb to fix her pompadour. “Writing's easy!” She bragged, and I ruffled her feathers again.

“Alright alright, go fix your feathers. It’s my turn for goodbyes!” She whined at me further messing up her new feathers, and she sulked off into the zeppelin.

I just looked at Dee and shrugged… before we pulled each other into a tight hug.

“I’m gonna miss you…” She whined into my chest fluff, and I sighed.

“I know… but someone’s gotta keep the peace around here while I’m off playing Diplomat.” I said, not really wanting to do this, either. “But we need their oil irregardless.” I said, sounding like a true American politician.

“I know…” She muttered, pulling back and kissing my cheek. “And promise me you’ll cut back on drinking.” I chuckled nervously.

“Dee, what-” But she was hearing none of that.

“I’m serious! It worries me sick seeing you as drunk as you were last night!” The look in her eyes pained me slightly, and I conceded with a sigh.

“I-I know, honey… I promise.” She gave me a warm smile, and we shared one final kiss goodbye… but I found myself unable to let go.

“Baby? Is everything okay?” She asked, and I couldn’t shrug the guilt off. I had a look of shame and embarrassment pulling that flask out of my coat pocket and pressing it into her hooves. I couldn’t meet her gaze if I wanted to- I was just looking off to the side awkwardly like a kid pulled to the front of a classroom.

She hugged me, and my eyes shot open.

“I’m so fucking proud of you…” She said, and I let out a sigh of relief. “Don’t apologise. Thank you.” She said, sounding like tears were genuinely welling up. I felt relief when I realised she wasn’t angry because I planned on going behind her back… but I couldn’t help but feel a twinge of regret, either.

“I love you so much, honey.” I smirked, kissing her on the cheeks before she pulled my face to hers.

When we were done tongue-wrestling on the pavement, it was time to say our actual goodbyes… then we were off!

“OI!” Emmie yelled from the open window of my Zeppelin. “YOU TWO DONE SNOGGIN’ YET?” I scoffed in annoyance, producing my pocket watch and flipping the lid with a thumb-

“CRAP!” I yelled, kissing Dee on the cheek one more time before running up the ramp, turning and waving before it shut.

“BYE MOMMY!” Anastasia yelled from a window, Emmie’s telekinesis being the only thing keeping her from jumping out.

“BYE BYYYYYEEEEE!” She yelled back, waving back at all of us! Making my way onto the bridge, I saw Sinan running towards an open window.

“HOLD ON, I THINK I LEFT MY CAR RUNNING!” He yelled with a wide grin and a joking tone of voice, “TURN BACK, I GOTTA CHECK!” I saw Dee on the ground laughing as the zeppelin began her ascent, the rest of us joining in.

“Hope you gassed it up before you left, then!” I slapped him on the back, knowing full well he was joking.

“Well, somebody has to go turn it off!” Anastasia yelled, thinking we were being serious. “If you let it drain all the way, dirt and stuff will hurt your engine!” Being my designated Flashlight Holder, she’s accompanied me through the many times I stared at my engine scratching my head while rattling off whatever possible issue comes to mind: It’s like running my mouth on idle. While I could pay some jagoff to change my oil for me, what do ya’ learn by doing that? Nothing, that’s what!

Rant aside, we finally started settling in as we ascended smoothly. It was nice; Emmie sat on a chair reading a book, Anastasia flipped through the Salieri & Redbuck mail-order catalogue, and I… was writing in my diary.

“You ready to feel like a fish out of water?” Sinan asked, pulling up a chair next to me, sipping from a rum-and-soda on the rocks. It was only noon.

“Come on, man…” I spoke quietly, “It’s barely even noon yet.” He snorted, taunting me by holding the glass up. My war friends… I never told them my struggles with booze, before.

“And I should be outcast?” He suggested with a sly tone, and I forced myself to giggle. “Come on- on a day like this?” an outstretched arm gesturing towards the shrinking landscape below.

A gentle breeze lightly caressed my feathers and fur from the open window. The zeppelin sailed through the blue sky smooth as butter, and the cabin was in total shade in the midday sun. A deep breath brought the scent of a crisp, springtime sky: a sensation that only a pegasus or a griffon could relate… or a halfling like Sinan.

“Gimme a sip.”

—

The sound of galloping against a concrete sidewalk could be heard as a grey earth pony stallion with a jet black mane was finishing up his midday jog; the only clothes he wore being the sweatbands around his forelegs and forehead. Ponies tend to sweat a lot, and he was no exception to this rule; drenched with sweat, his matted fur only highlighted his natural earth-pony muscles.

He sighed in relief upon seeing the moderately-sized house that he and his darling settled down in; and for what all his sensationalist friends and family in Equestria told him about the Syndicate, he was glad he didn’t listen. Even before their move, his wife’s connections scored him a high-paying union job doing what he loved.

He fiddled with the key and grabbed a dry towel he left on the hat-rack, so he didn’t trail sweat through their home.

“Uggghh… why do ponies have fur?” He muttered to himself with a smirk as he came down from his runner’s high. Who needs drugs when you can just run? While not particularly drugs, he has had problems with addiction in the past. His matted fur felt heavy on his back; in the house and within the bathroom, his sweatbands were thrown in a hamper with a pedal-lid.

Now for a shower, the cold was set to high. It made him shiver but it was so, so good. The grease and grime of intense workout ran down the drain, and scented soaps and oils made him look far more presentable. Once he was out, he looked at his dim reflection in the foggy mirror; but despite this, the cutie mark of a chef’s fork and knife still shone as bright as the day he got it.

“Truffle’s, you almost done?” his wife yelled, banging on the door. “I gotta pee!” He just giggled.

“Just a sec, Silvie!” He said, throwing towels around his back, neck, and mane. The pounding continued and he briskly made his way out.

“Thanks!” Silver Spoon yelled out, kissing him on the cheek. “OUT!”

SLAM!

“Heh. Mares.” Truffle Shuffle joked under his breath as he dried off.

—

“MAMMA, MAMMA! WAKE UP!” Was my alarm clock, and followed by the sensation of a blanket being pulled off me. A glance at the clock told me it was a little after ten. A glance out my window then told me it was night. Finally, I glanced inward- and remembered that I was fucked up.

“Huh?” Was all I could mutter, feeling like my face was glued to a pillow.

“We gotta get to the boat, Mamma!” At the time, the only word I properly understood was boat. Once again- the louse seemed to help.

“Uuugh… stuff, packed?” I muttered, and Anastasia nodded rapidly. “Goo’ ‘nuff.” getting out of bed felt like wading through mud, and I almost face planted trying to get out of bed in this stupor. “Less’ go.”

Getting off the zeppelin was also a bit of an issue, as the ramp was steeper than I thought.

“Ayyyyy, boss!” Sinan yelled, nearly face planting as he tried to wave at me. I pulled him in for a hug, almost knocking us both over.

“Did som… some’un calla cab?” I looked around and saw no such nicety.

“We’re walking.” Emmie said grumpily, using his magic to lead Sinan by his shirt.

“Wha’evah!” I said, marching onward to victory!

“Uncle Emmie taught me a lot of stuff!” Anastasia beamed proudly, and I drunkenly ruffled her hair.

“Oh yeah? Like wha’?” I asked… rather stupidly.

“That if it weren’t for the Fertilian Basin, Griffons wouldn’t exist!” She rambled excitedly, and I was at her mercy, now. “The rivers from the mountains would flood every season, getting silt everywhere!”

“Is that so?” I said, almost tripping on a stray pebble.

“Yeah! And that silt makes the ground good and healthy for growing food!” As she rattled off, I nodded along aimlessly. “Then they built dams and stuff to control the flooding! Now, griffons could-”

“Honey.” I said abruptly, “Tomorrow. Alright?” She just looked up at me with that look in her eyes. “You’re a smart girl. I’m proud of you.” Smarter than me, probably.

“Thanks, Mamma.”

As we walked towards the large steamship which would get us across the ocean, I had a wing wrapped around Anastasia.

At least I’ll never make her disappointed in me.

—

Silver Spoon sat at her dining room table with a look of warm contentment on her face. She wore a stylish black dress, accompanied with her silver proposal amulet; she just left her glasses in the bedroom, as she felt she looked better without.

“So sorry for the delay, my dear!” The kitchen curtain shifted, revealing Truffle Shuffle in a suit-shirt and a (somewhat silly) chef’s hat.

Silvie giggled. “You dork!” She teased playfully, and he kissed her cheek. On his back, rested two platters, transferred to each side of the table.

“Banana split- with enchanto-preserved bananas making them as fresh as off the tree!” He lifted the lid to his wife’s visual delight. “Homemade brownies, Fertilian vanilla gelato, strawberry sauce made with fresh strawberries, even the whipped cream was just made! You heard the mixer in there.” He joked, Silvie feeling as happy as the day they were wed… but it was missing something. “Maraschino cherries, chopped walnuts…”

“And?” Silver Spoon asked expectantly.

“Sprinkles!” He pulled the jar out of his suit pocket, unscrewing the cap and leaving a good dusting on his wife’s sundae… and completely ignoring his own. “... If you have poor taste, that is!” He joked, before his wife used both hooves to pull him in for a kiss.

When they finally pulled apart he said, “Hold on! Dessert first, then we’ll have dessert after… get it?” He kissed her blushing cheek before taking his seat and digging into his own sundae.

Having finished dinner and all the conversations that went along with it, dessert was all that was left to go over- and a personal topic, at that.

“So… how’s Diamond Tiara?” he asked nervously, “Is uh… is she-” But Silver rolled her eyes.

“Truffles, she’s a different mare than when we were little!” she explained between spoonfuls of ice cream. “She’s sorry for what she did. And it was only sheer goodwill on her part that expedited our emigration!” The fact that the two had always remained pen-pals was… definitely useful.

“I know, I know…” He muttered with a sigh. “But… I dunno.” He just shrugged, going back to his ice cream.

“I mean, we both have jobs! You’re unionized, and being friends with Diamond fucking Tiara means my business has an overhead of fuck-all!” She explained, “I was asking her how the small, craft business Tribute works, and her response was- ‘I’ll talk to Leona, don’t worry ‘bout it.”

Truffle had a nervous smile, so he hid it behind a bite of ice-cream. “Just… be careful. I don’t want us in their debt, even if they do mean well.” While a lot of the stories about Leona are outrageous… some of the themes seem to repeat. Particularly, her flippant use of violence to get her way.

“Honey.” Silver Spoon held her hoof to her husband’s, easing his nerves considerably. “You changed. I changed. We’re all different, better pon-people, now. You wanna know what else she told me?” With a warm smile, the two met eyes.

“The Syndicate is all about second chances. Alright?” Slowly, Truffle nodded with a smile.

“Alright, sweetie.” he conceded, still feeling somewhat uneasy.

“Now let’s finish up so you can get to the main course!” She said, batting her lashes seductively.

“Yes, ma’am!” He yelled sarcastically, wondering how someone like him bagged someone like her. She says it’s not because of his weight loss… but a nagging voice in his ear made him unsure. He just hoped his wife would finish soon- even the few spoonfuls he had were no good for his diet.

—

The next morning, I found myself retching over the deck of the ship we were taking. Thankfully it wasn’t seasickness, or I’d have to endure this for an entire week. No, it was seasickness because of a hangover. Salty ocean water sprayed my face and made me even more nauseous, while Emmie was showing Annie some magic spells on the other side of the deck.

“Watch this!” He said, his horn glowing… strangely. It was like a green snake was wrapping itself around his horn, enveloping it completely as oddly aquatic symbols started to form. Lines and perhaps hieroglyphs seemed to represent waves, aquatic creatures, and other assorted weirdness. “Fiske-Oy’yeh!”

I crept closer, despite the nausea. Then it all just… just fucking disappeared… Until a fish launched out of the water, landing impotently on the deck and flopping around.

“What?”
“What?” Anastasia and I both spoke up simultaneously, causing Emmie to giggle.

“Call Fish. It calls for a fish.” His blue telekinesis field enveloped the fish and gracelessly chucked it into the ocean.

“I don’t get it.” Anastasia said- and I was with her on that one.

“Magic is fucking weird.” I said, leaning back over the ship’s railing while my stomach continued doing somersaults.

Just relax. It’ll be over soon.

I have a discord server for this fic out now!! It'd be real cool if u joined :333

Believe it or not, happy straight couples do exist in this world!

Also... 300,000k+ wordsssss! To celebrate, I revamped the description a bit to hint at current canon events :p

As always, thanks so much for reading! Likes and comments are greatly appreciated :3