Tabula Rasa
Chapter 57: Cruel World
Previous Chapter Next ChapterTo call the Maria situation a shitshow would be a complete and total understatement.
Originally, I was gonna put off dealing with it again- until around midday, Glimmer asked if she could stay around the house and get caught up on her journal, which I can respect. I still wasn’t going to today- but then Dee told me she had a private meeting with Emmie scheduled.
“Say hey to Tony for me if ya’ see him!” I yelled as she left, her turning to blow a kiss my way.
As for Maria- I honestly felt terrible for the poor girl. I never told Dee that I murdered that woman's father, instead opting to keep it to myself because the less people knew, the better. But regardless, she must have found out somehow. Why else would she rat?
Knock, knock, knock… knock knock.
I stood outside the door to her room, nervously awaiting the following conversation. Even though I unlocked it from the outside, I still thought it was rude to just barge in.
“Maria? It’s me. Open up.” Knock, knock, knock… knock knock. “You’re not in trouble and I don’t wanna hurt you- please, I wanna make up for it!” Finally, the door slowly creaked open. The state of the room matched its occupant quite well- it gave off the impression that she was under much stress. Trays of food were set off to the side, untouched. Empty bottles of booze and tissues littered the room, her feathers and bedspread were a greasy, tangled mess. And it seems as though the phone was destroyed in a fit of rage or despair when the occupant realized that it had been disconnected before we even put her in there. Completing the presentation, it didn’t take a genius to see how much she was swaying and trembling, or to smell the booze on her breath.
“Christ, if I known it was this bad…” She stepped to the side and I shut the door behind us. Meanwhile, I went from feeling bad to feeling genuine guilt over the situation. Maybe having the enforcers drag her away… wasn’t necessary, unlike what I thought at the time. “Take a seat on the bed.” I said as I pulled up a chair of my own.
“Listen, about what happened…” I mean, I was expecting… anger? Defiance? Anything but the utterly broken look on her face. Ever since I realized she was working for my wife, I did everything I could to make sure she was comfortable. She’d eat whatever Mamma made for dinner, I gave her all the sick time and days off she requested, I gave her a car! All as my way of apologizing for her father without revealing myself as the culprit. Maybe I was too good to her, and she grew suspicious? I always did find the fact that she refused to eat at the table with us odd, but I chalked it up to sheepishness.
Either way, it was time to get this off my chest. I’d been stewing on it for years now- maybe I didn’t regret my actions, but the result of said actions? But either way, I’m certain the cat’s outta the bag at this point.
“Look, Maria, I…” Finally, I made eye contact. “Look. I’m sorry for what I did to your father.” Her eyes shot open and her beak dropped as she shuffled backwards in her seat. “But I didn’t have a choice. It was either him, or my mother and I.” I doubted anything I could do could make up for it, but I refused to not try…
But perhaps I should have taken the time to ask Maria why she wanted to rat.
“Y-You… it was you? It was you!?” She yelled, tears rolling down her cheeks, her beak gritting in such a way that it looked painful to me. “You killed my father!” She yelled, pointing a talon at me. Her voice sounded hoarse and raspy, as though she’d been shouting, or perhaps dehydrated.
“Woah woah woah, back the fuck up!” I said, putting my arms in the air, “Don’t act like this is fuckin’ news to you! That’s why you wanted to rat, isn’t it?” I accused, jumping out of the chair and gripping the back of her head feathers. I pulled my revolver and pressed it to her chin. “Come on! Tell me, right now, so I can kill ya!”
But, just as quickly as it started, her squirming ceased. Her shoulders drooped, and she slowly looked me in the eyes, trembling. But the look on her face was no longer anger, or even sadness. It was an unfocused gaze, as though she were looking at something directly through me.
Finally, she whispered. “E-Empress…T… T…” Dee? I unintentionally let go of her feathers, and her face fell into my shoulder- perhaps out of a desperate need to have one to cry into.
“What… What did my wife do to you?” I was genuinely confused. My wife has always been more than reasonable around the help- it’s what I taught her. That’s why she often mimics my generosity and casualness with them. But this was different- Maria was genuinely hurting, and I don’t think it’s because of poor tips.
I let her calm down by crying into my shoulder. When she was ready, she pulled back with her face soaked and matted with tears.
“When… When I was first brought on, I was… so excited. I remembered meeting you, and…” She scoffed, looking to the side. “Then I met your wife…” After a couple huffs, she grit her beak, face contorting with anger. “That… disgusting woman…”
Normally I wouldn’t take an insult like that lightly… but something told me it was warranted. I know what my wife’s into- and that made it all the more horrible to think of what she might have done to Maria.
“She… she…” She tried to get it out, but seemingly couldn’t. With a sigh, she leaned in and whispered in my ear two words which left no room for an alternate, kinder interpretation. “Touched me…”
Either rape or domestic violence. And the lack of physical evidence of violence was quite telling, indeed. Me, though? I felt just awful. Just… fuck…
“Maria… I-I’m sorry, I didn’t know that was happening!” I honestly thought I was gonna cry, and it confused me as to why I felt so strongly about this.
“You didn’t know!?” she yelled in my face, causing me to flinch. “It’s been happening for YEARS! She’d use me like a fucking toy under that desk of hers! I-I… you’ve walked in on her multiple times… and you’re telling me you never found anything out?” Great, now I feel like a moron too. “Like, you didn’t smell anything off? Notice anything about her face?”
As she listed off the signs, the realization that all this had been happening under my fucking beak horrified me.
“You know what I think!?” While I was zoned out, she finished her rant and poked me in the chest. “I’m not afraid of you!” She yelled defiantly in my face, and genuine tears started running down my cheeks.
“Maria, please, please don’t tell me that.” I begged her to calm down. I didn’t want this, I didn’t want any of this.
“Or you’ll do what? Have me killed like another one of your pets!?” I shook my head slowly and let out a sigh.
“Maria, you don’t know what you’re saying. Please, I want to help you-” Please, please, I don’t… I don’t…
She scoffed, “Help!? You wanna help!? You can help by letting me tell the world the truth about you!” You’re backing me into a corner here, I don’t wanna do this! “Let them know the reality of you, your despotic wife, and this empire of blood and decadence you’ve built over The Confederacy!”
Finally, I let out a heavy sigh. “I truly am sorry, Maria. So, so sorry.” wet streaks matted the feathers on my face.
“If you think you can just say sor-”
BANG BANG!
Her fury-laced rant was brought to an abrupt halt as I was forced to draw my revolver to finish her off. Two shots punched through her head and chin like it was nothing, blood and brains splattered all over the sheets. I stood there frozen as I took in the stiff expression of shock on her face- eyes and mouth wide open filling with blood, the spreading bloodstain, feathers daintily floating down, almost appearing to be slow-motion. And in such a way as to give me a sense of deja-vu, blood was spurting out of a hole in the side of her head rhythmically to the beat of her dying heart.
With a cold sort of tranquility, I unlocked the panel that allowed me access to the PA system.
“Can I get a janitor to clean up the mess and take the trash out in Guest Room 5?” Of course- this was code for I need someone to chop this stiff up and get rid of it for me. Double pay for any volunteers.
I needed to get as far away from this as possible, at least mentally. I did not wanna think about Maria any more than necessary, and I desperately needed to take my mind off it.
That’s why I found myself in my private bathroom, waiting for the bathtub to fill with hot water. It was just as decadent as the rest of my home, with a separate shower and bath and… okay, the bath was the real highlight.
It was real snazzy- waterproof cushioned bottom, back, and headrest. To the right was a mahogany table with a phone, radio, ash tray, and plenty of spare lighters along with a hand towel. The bathroom also had two separate PA panels- one by the shitter, and one by the bath. And the one by the bath has a dumbwaiter next to it; if I wanted a drink or a magazine, I could just have someone send one up instead of having to unlock the door.
The sound of the bath fan running droned on as the tub filled, and I poured in a good bit of melatonin-infused bubble soap; then I chucked in a red citrus-y smelling bath bomb, watching as it dissolved angrily in the water. Finally, for good measure, I threw in some bath salts. Er, not the Florida kind, the kind that’s actually made for use in baths.
Then, I brought out the candles, placing them throughout the bathroom for mood-lighting; then I shut the overhead light off completely, watching as the dim candlelight faintly glowed against the cloudy steam rolling from the lip of my bathtub. The bath fan was shut off with the light as well, leaving the sound of running water the only noise in the room.
The one, singular disadvantage to having a bathtub so large is the fact that it takes seemingly forever to fill, a fact that I would normally be complaining about… but after the most recent event of the day, I found myself mesmerized by the growing mass of bubbles along the surface; better than stewing on what happened.
When it was finally time, I shut the water off, and instead of being met with silence, I was frustrated by an incessant ringing in my ears. With a groan, I turned on the radio, opting to find a channel playing something soft and quiet- at least enough to drown out the ringing. I mean, I had to get a noise machine for my room just so I could fall asleep.
“The cost of progress.” I chuckled as I simply tossed my clothes into the corner. My revolver was left with another servant for cleaning, but I felt I wouldn’t need it here. Hat, coat, vest, undershirt, leg. The bandolier was never put on this morning, otherwise it would’ve joined the pile of discarded garb.
Without further adieu, I lowered myself into the bath. It was a slow ritual, with me tranquilly breathing out as I felt the bubbles caress my body. My fur itself felt lighter as it floated freely, only a few errant dead strands shedding off.
I let out a contented sigh as the water rose to my chest height. I just kept going lower and lower, until the bubbles were up to my beak. Then I pinched my nose closed and shut my eyes, fully submerging myself and running my other hand through my head feathers. When I arose, I rubbed the water and bubbles out of my eyes and kicked back, resting my head on the cushion. Small movements made waves form, which gently lapped against my neck and chin.
“Beautiful.” I muttered to myself, pressing the PA button. “Yo, Tonio! You hear me?” And after a few seconds,
“Loud and clear, Don Grimfeather!” Dunno why he always says clear- the audio is staticky as fuck. Either way- I reached into the special box I kept by the dumbwaiter solely for this purpose.
Without looking, I slapped a bill on the elevator tray and said, “Could ya’ send a whiskey, a bowl of blueberries, and the latest issue of Weird Stories up to my bath?” I asked, and got a Sure thing! In response.
After a few moments, the dumbwaiter lowered itself and when it returned, I had a whiskey, a bowl of blueberries, and five copies of the magazine I requested.
“I sent up a couple extra copies, just in case.” I nodded with an impressed grin.
“You’re the fuckin best, Tonio.” I said into the PA without even waiting for a response. I dried my hands off with the nearby towel to look at the magazine. The cover art depicted an odd cult worshiping some statue of a bull-goat-gorilla… thing, the arms of which were clutched around some presumed damsel in distress; the story was called the Terror from Tartarus.
I admit- these magazines are a guilty pleasure of mine. Still better than that Yellow Book quarterly periodical my wife loves.
---
“Huh… what a weird name for a cat…” I muttered to myself as I read. It had been about an hour, and I was about a half of the way through. I totally didn’t drop a magazine in the water trying to reach for the whiskey, no sirree.
Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing!
The phone started ringing, and I definitely didn’t get startled and drop the magazine in the water, no sirree. I cleared my throat, turned the radio off, and picked up the brass phone off the receiver.
“Leona speaking- talk to me.” I said, unsure who was calling.
“Heyyyyyyy~” I heard my wife's voice on the phone, and I couldn’t stop from grimacing.
“Hey, baby! How’d it go?” I asked her, not wanting to talk to her about the other thing over the phone.
“You’ll never guess what!” she sounded real excited and giddy, and my eyes shot open.
“No way!” Despite the other thing, a grin shot across my face. “For real!?”
“He agreeeeeed!” She yelled, practically squealing into the mic. “I’m gonna have a foal of my own!” She sniffled faintly, and I knew she was getting choked up. I honestly didn’t expect this so soon!
“Hold on, I thought you said you were gonna think about it?” I asked her, a feeling of trepidation slowly creeping up.
“Oh… do you… do you not want another?” She asked, utter disappointment in her voice.
“No, no! It’s just… I didn’t expect it so soon!” Christ, I can’t have the conversation tonight… “L-Look, I’m in the bath right now. Can we talk later, baby?” In truth, the rising anxiety made me wanna just lower myself back into the bathtub.
“... Sure thing, honey. I love you!” With a trembling hand, I said-
“L-Love you too.” I hung up the receiver and sank deeper into the tub, clutching the sides of my head, trying to breathe. Even with the water never rising above my neckline, I was having difficulty breathing, my chest literally hurt from anxiety. The lukewarm water felt like it was near-boiling from how uncomfortably hot I felt. The closer I got to the waterline, I noted that almost all the bubbles were gone… leaving the results of the bath bomb I chucked in earlier. The blood-red water felt like it was crushing me with pressure, and the candlelight reflecting off the surface caused my bath to shine with an eerie red glow.
In my anxious delirium, I half fancied I could smell copper instead of the original citrus, and I couldn’t take it anymore. I partially rose out of the water, clutching a hand to my chest and resting my elbows against the sides of the tub. I started desperately looking around the room for fuck knows what, and my eyes widened upon seeing a particularly dark corner, caused by the fading candlelight.
It felt as though my tinnitus had transformed into the horrible droning of bagpipes, the sounds of screams and errant gunfire filling my ears. My eyes kept being drawn towards the black corner, as though I was paranoid a dog could rush out at any minute. I smelled burned flesh and the room was spinning, and it made me terribly nauseous.
I just kept whispering no, over and over, my whole body was trembling, and I clutched my heart, beating so hard I thought it would crack my sternum.
“Ah… ah… OUT!” I screamed, clamping my eyes shut and pathetically clamoring out of the bathtub and flopping onto the floor like a fish. The water extinguished several more candles, causing the dark to spread. I screamed in utter terror, it felt like someone had a gun to my head. I bolted to the door, tail between my legs like a scared little girl; when I was in my bedroom, I flopped onto the carpet and curled up into a ball.
I wanted help, I desperately wanted help. I didn’t know what I was feeling- but in my mind, it felt like if I didn’t do something, I’d die an imminent, terrible death. Like I’m stuck to the ground, and I see a speeding bus coming my way. I wanted Mamma, I wanted Dee, I wanted Anastasia… but I couldn’t. I couldn’t let them see me like this.
So, I laid there silently crying to myself, wishing the hurting would stop. I was a mess- naked, drenched, curled up on the floor crying- the leader of the free world, ladies and gentlemen. I felt so weak and helpless, moreso than when I was a newborn infant. While I was on the ground wallowing, Corleone came up to me and, with her face near mine, she started purring incessantly and nuzzling my beak. Despite the pain I was in, I couldn’t help but smile at the dopey look on her little face.
I think she helped a little. At least, it finally felt like I got it all out of my system. When I thought I could do it, I slowly stood up and looked at the state I was in, and the mess I made when clamoring out of the bathroom.
“I need to get baked, right fucking now.” was the only conclusion my brain could come up with. I got up, still trembling somewhat, and got a towel. I threw a couple on the wet spot on the ground, but I figured I’d come back later.
Once I felt suitably dry, I threw my black and gold trim bathrobe on.
“Mrow!” Corleone yelled for my attention from my bed, and I giggled.
“Alright, alright. Here’s your fuckin’ attention.” I said to her, stroking her across the back and scratching her behind the ear. She purred like a fuckin’ truck, always has. Then I figured, if I’m getting stoned, why shouldn’t she?
I grabbed a tin bottle of catnip and licked a paper straw, dipping it into the bottle. The residue from the last time it was used tingled along my tongue, and the smell got me excited. “Wanna get fucked up with me?” I asked my cat, as though that were a normal thing to do.
“MROW!” She yelled, bolting to my side of the bed. I held the straw out and she started licking and sniffing at it incessantly. The effects were instant, and her licks started slowing.
“Heh, yeah you do.” I muttered, Corleone flopping onto her side. Now, it was my turn.
The ponies can keep their fancy tea-rituals and other assorted pretentious bullshit. I had my bluntwrapping ritual; the same way I’ve been doing it since high school. In our closet was a small, nondescript metal box which had a small combination lock. It was very thin metal and painted plain gray, so as to not draw attention to it.
“God, what the fuck was the combination…” I tried to remember… “Ah, right. 4-2-0.”
Click!
The only thing different about this box was the expensive preservation enchantment I had put on it. It’s how pony aristocracy kept their fancy foods fresh before refrigeration, as the inside was a stasis zone that prevented anything inside from breaking down.
Side note- I wonder if I could put that enchantment on a coffin… or a display case? Eh, anyway…
Meaning, that the small baggie full of Everfree Reef was as fresh as the day I bought it. I’d been saving it for emergencies; because of the state Equestria was in, I smuggled Zecora out of the country as a favor for Sinan. Caused by Gallus clamping down on drug enforcement, there was a very real chance that she could’ve had a warrant put out for her arrest for selling “drugs.”
Anyone who lumps weed in with opium and coke is a fuckin’ moron. In fact- just after we got her out of the country, we heard rumors that the Equestrian guard was looking for her for “questioning.” She still grows fantastic weed- just not as good as that everfree shit. Something about the ambient magic, I don’t fuckin’ know. I know how to smoke it, no fuckin’ clue how to grow it. But still- at least we have the decency to let her live inside city limits.
Where was I? Ah, yes. Inside the box was also a grinder, a pack of cheap cigarillos, and a triple-beam scale. It was actually an old relic from Ponyville High- the weights were found to be slightly off, and they were gonna throw it away. Dee convinced the science teacher to let her have it, somehow. I wasn’t complaining, though.
I took a sniff of the stuff and shuddered, then proceeded to set the old scale to about the weight I’d need, and tore off a small chunk of weed. Little more… Like I said- the scale was a bit off. The little arrows that line up to tell you you’re even were mispainted, and the one is at a slight angle. But like I always said- who cares if the scale’s off by a little? It works good enough.
I threw the nug in the grinder along with a pinch of catnip. I was rolling 90-10, since I mainly wanted to chill. The tin grinder was just as old as the rest of this stuff. At one point it was painted yellow with a smiley face- but it rubbed off over time, revealing bare metal. With a few satisfying twists, I set the grinder off to the side for now.
The cigarillos were some cheap two-pack with a blue-raspberry flavored wrapper. Of course, the pack was already torn open; I’d intentionally left it out overnight before we put it in the box, so the staleness would really add to the authenticity.
Another side tangent- one of the earliest things you read about griffon biology is that As predators, our claws are like natural knives! I never understood this, because I rarely ever use my claws to cut things. Yeah, you can use them to skin an animal- but metal holds an edge much better than keratin. For everyday use, you have to constantly sharpen and file and hone your claws, and it’s a pain in the ass!
There’s a reason there are so many examples of ancient griffonian copper knives. So no, we don’t have “natural knives'' on our fingers. What we do have, however, are natural blunt rollers.
I used a talon to slice along the cigarillo and dump the tobacco out. I wouldn’t have to hone my claws immediately- it’s just paper. I discarded the disgustingly cheap tobacco into our trash can. Then for luck, I gave the grinder a little shake before I popped it open, and then spread the green evenly along the blunt.
Griffon talons? Perfect curvature and size for rolling blunts. These talons had years of experience blunt rolling- so by positioning my claws just right, I rolled it onto a nice, beautiful blunt. Then I used my thin, pointed tongue- without extending the Louse- to lick along the seams and finished the wrap by running my lighter along the length to “weld” the seam together.
I don't know why griffons have evolved to have natural blunt-rolling tools, but I'm not complaining.
And no filter, either- I wanted to roll this shit as authentically as possible… mainly to keep my mind off other things. I felt good about the end product- and I was about to feel a whole lot better. Before I went out, I turned around to check on Corleone-
“What the fuck?” I said out loud with a giggle. “How long’ve you been staring at me like that?” She was still standing on the corner of the bed, staring at me wide-eyed like a knucklehead. I patted her on the head to kickstart her singular braincell, and she flopped onto her side, purring.
Now, I made my way to my balcony and-
Knock, knock, knock.
God damnit.
“Who is it?” I yelled through the door.
“It’s me!” Glimmer said, and I rolled my eyes. “I was wondering if we could talk some more?” She has… a lot of questions. So many questions. But then again- I planned to get baked anyway. If she wants to listen to me ramble off the lam all night, she can be my guest.
“Sure, what the hell.” I said, unlocking the door and letting it swing open. Her eyes were immediately drawn to the towel and weed equipment strewn about. “Don’t mind the mess.” I said nonchalantly as I led her to my balcony. A glance at the cast-iron outdoor thermometer hanging off the roof told me it was a wonderful 75 outside, and the still trees indicated a lack of wind.
The view of my backyard was beautiful, especially on a summer late-afternoon like this- situated on the second floor, it was great for when I wanted to smoke, or to keep an eye on Annie from afar. Up here, I could see my entire backyard: consisting of a big fire pit, large shed, gated swimming pool, a sandbox and playset for Annie, and a veritable minefield of her toys strewn about.
“Damnit, I told her to clean up her mess…” I muttered to myself, unable to be bothered to rectify the issue.
The porch itself had a gas heater, hanging swing, a couple reclining iron deck chairs with padding and cup holders, and a matching glass-and-iron table.
“Take a seat, get comfortable.” I said with a warm smile. I kicked back the chair and, without further adieu, sparked the blunt. I gave it a couple quick puffs to get it going, my nostrils scrunching up from the pungent odor. Then, I took a drag- a small one, held it for a few seconds, and slowly puffed it out. Because of the catnip, the flavor tasted kind of like menthol. “You smoke?” Already, I was feeling the effects when an uncontrollable smile went across my face.
With a sheepish grin, she said- “N-Not really… Out of curiosity, did you get that from Zecora?”
As it turns out, Trixie used to buy weed off Zecora to help with her ADHD, according to Glimmer.
“Right ooon…” I muttered, already a few puffs in. My tail started subconsciously twitching as the nip kicked in as well. “God… how often did Trix smoke?” I asked with a stupid giggle. “I can’t imagine smokin’ this every day, I’d get nothin’ done!” Glimmer chuckled at that.
“What she did was she’d roll one in the morning and take small puffs throughout the day- and at night, she’d just finish it off.” She chuckled away. I’d already forgotten what she said due to obvious reasons, and if it weren’t for my Louse coming in clutch the next morning, I’d have been fucked.
Then, Glimmer gave a sad sigh. “It’s… a shame Zecora disappeared, really… She was a good friend.” Because I was baked, I laughed out loud. “H-How could-!”
“Nonono! No! Li-listen, hee-hear me out!” I said, trying to explain myself through a fit of laughter. “She’s fine! She’s fine!” I held my finger up to tell her to give me a second. Once my chuckles died down, I took another puff.
“So my buddy, Sinan… Great fuckin’ guy, by the way… Oh wait, you met him?” Last night, I introduced her to my friends at the bar- we had a great time that night. “Pardon me, I’m baked out of my gourd right now and only plan to get worse… anyways, Zecora is his… uhm… aunt!” I explained, and Glimmer's eyes widened in realization. She opened her mouth to say something- but I wasn’t done.
She knew I was getting baked, so she signed up for this.
“And so, I had some friends help smuggle her out before Gallus ordered something he’d regret. And you remember how she always spoke in those annoying fuckin rhymes, yeah?” I said, and paused to take another puff. I started cracking up, wondering if I’d croak before I finished the story.
“And- she was reluctant at first. You know, no one wants to uproot their lives! Then my guys explained that we had good reason to believe Zecora would be next on the list for drug roundups… Her response?” She was giggling with me, leaning in, anticipating the conclusion…
“She said- Houugh!” Immediately, I started hacking up a lung. It was a dry, unproductive cough that made tears run down my cheeks and made me feel like my lungs were made of cast iron. She was covering her mouth with a hoof- but I could tell she was trying to not laugh at my expense.
“I-I’m… COUGH! Haaah… now I’m good. She said, and I quote…”
“Of all the unsightly beasts in the sea, they see it necessary to go after innocent Me?-And she was super pissed!” I explained as we shared laughter, “Buck them in the rear! Buck them in the EAR!” I put on a stereotypical ‘voodoo woman’ accent and finished, “To the land of the griffons I will go; for a time, I must lay low!”
Then, of course, I erupted into another coughing fit; I’d realized it was time to set the blunt down for a minute. I gave my blunt a stern glare from the holder on the side of my ashtray. “I’ll be back for you.” I demanded my blunt… before erupting into a total giggle fit.
“Ah-Ah, I’m fucked up, Glimmer.” I mused aloud, staring off into space. Finishing up a few giggles of her own,
“Heh, I could tell…” She said, trailing off towards the end. Maybe she wanted to ask something, maybe she wanted to get away from my rambling- either way, the back of my head was apparently glued to the back of my headrest. And before any of you fuckers call me a lightweight- this weed is literally full of magic! And not in the hippie sense either, I mean this thing is overflowing with the chaotic energy of the Everfree!
Or, that’s what Zecora told me. I’m not a fuckin’ unicorn or a voodoo queen, and the extent of my knowledge on magic is “It’s bullshit.”
“I uh… Are you feeling alright?” She asked out of nowhere, and I shrugged. Then, she seemed to talk quieter and quieter- “B-because w-when I…” She then let out a sigh and deadpanned, “It looked like you were crying when I came in, and-and it made me a little c-concerned, you know?”
Without a second thought, I said “Oh, it’s because I was already hi- shit. The blunt was unlit when you came in. Fucks sake.” I muttered to myself, trailing off. “It’s… been a long day.” I said plainly.
I felt a hoof gently press into my arm. “You’re shaking.” She said, a look of utter concern in her eyes. I squinted my eyes at her.
“How much do ya trust me?” I asked her plainly. “Do you think I would intentionally mislead you?” She seemed to glance off to the side in thought.
“Why would you? Are you… are you saying you’re a liar?” She asked naively, and I started laughing again.
“Honey, lying to people comes with my job. Or the job of any leader, really. You’ve seen yourself how Celestia altered and censored history to better fit her narrative; and I admire her for it! It’s a smart thing to do!” I then let out a heavy sigh. “But… fuck, I… You don’t lie to friends and family without a damn good reason, you just don’t! I learned that lesson long ago- one of the most important, I think.”
The one time I did have to lie to my wife like that afterwards, was to save both our asses from the Gala. I was laying back again, staring off into space, absorbed in thought.
“I… I do trust you, Leona… Do you trust me?” she asked simply, and I snorted in laughter.
“Yeah, I’d say I do. At first, I… Let me be honest with you.” I said plainly, turning to look her in the eyes- I even brought the back forward so I could sit up. “When I brought you in, it was with the intention of putting you in place as a puppet leader of Equestria. I never read your book- I just figured it was a bunch of hippie peace and love bullshit… but my wife convinced me to bring you in.” I explained, occasionally stopping to re-align my train of thought.
“But after yesterday- I genuinely think you have some good ideas! You already have an audience in Equestria, you have me as an ally…” She was rubbing her chin in thought… but she slowly moved her hoof up to hide her creeping smile. “Imagine- the Great Equestrian Union and the Syndicate of Griffonia, working together as allies!”
Quite frankly, I was tired of Equestria being a thorn in my side. When Glimmer lowered her hoof to reveal a smug grin, I matched her expression.
“What did ya’ have in mind?” she said, and I held up a gimme a minute finger again. I picked up the blunt and resparked it.
“Hold on, gonna need this…” After a few more puffs, I was ready. With a deep breath, I said- “Listen. There’s a secret that only one other person knows- my wife.” Her eyes widened in anticipation for whatever this great secret is. “It’s a secret so buttfuck insane, that it was only with the help of Discord being a dick that my wife could believe me.”
She gave me a wary look, biting her lip.
“There… there is a way to determine if you’re telling the truth- a spell.” She seemed nervous to even bring it up, as I knew damn well how powerful a mind-reading tool is. “But there’s… a caveat…” She muttered, and I held my hands out in anticipation. “It’s… extremely painful if it detects that you’re lying.”
In my mind, the image of a waterboarding spell that tortures someone into telling the truth forced me to suppress more giggles.
“Fu-fuck it! Let’s do it!” I said, getting up and leaving the blunt in the tray.
We each took our seat on one of the reclining chairs in my bedroom, and Glimmer looked on in anticipation. Her horn started glowing light blue, which then started to form around my body- as though there were lights directly underneath my skin. It tickled oddly, as magic like this typically does.
“Okay… to make sure it’s working, we have to test it… tell me that your fur is purple- a small lie shouldn’t hurt too bad…” She said, and I shrugged.
“My fur is purp- AGH! It felt like I just got tased, what the fuck!?” She mouthed the word tased quietly to herself, and scribbled it down in a small pocket notepad titled Leona-ism’s. It’s a system she devised for herself so she could… I dunno why she was writing it down, to be honest. Cataloging, I guess.
“The spell works based on your memories- so for example, if a blind pony ‘lies’ about their mane color- since they’re blind, they have no way to actually know the color… so if in their mind, they truly believed they were purple, it wouldn’t trip off the spell.” She explained while I inspected myself to make sure I was alright. “You can… start explaining when you’re ready, I guess.”
Without further adieu, I introduced myself.
“Hello, Glimmer. About 32 years ago, I died as the result of a death sentence passed on to me about 20 years before.” At first she leered in incredulity, but her eyes slowly opened up in shock as I continued. “When I was born here, I had the life experiences and knowledge of a human- Yes, kind of like the ones of old myths from antiquity- a girl who spent her life working her ass off for a family that left me out to dry in the end. And when I was in prison, I read a lot- holy fuck, I read so fucking much.” I giggled to myself- in a way, I was a massive nerd… I’d just never admit it out loud.
“That’s where I found my love of history, especially government. There was this book I read, and I can’t even remember the title- but it was about this guy called Na-”
“WAIT!” Glimmer yelled to interrupt me, and gave me a sheepish smile. “Can I get a pen and paper?” She asked, and I nodded with a smile. She bolted to her bedroom and Corleone jumped on my lap.
When I was able to continue my ramblings, I continued to play with my kitty. Her soft fur soothed me, and her loving purring and nuzzling made me smile. How anyone could own a dog as a pet, I would never know.
Thankfully, Glimmer was a fast writer.
“Anyways- Napoleon Bonaparte… when I was a kid, the few times I went to school, I barely paid attention. I knew Napoleon was some French king or something, but I didn’t give a shit at the time. But by sheer chance out of a sense of desperate boredom, I picked up a book about him…” I briefly paused- not for dramatic effect, but because I forgot what I was talking about for a moment. “He was born in Corsica as Napoleone di Buonaparte- he was Italian! I was interested because like- I’m Italian! I don’t know why, but I kept reading…
“It was only by sheer chance he was born just before the French stole the island! But everyone calls him French, which I found to be terrible! Insulting, even!” I ranted, no longer giving a fuck if my summary was coherent or not. “Anyways, he joined the French army and realized he was pretty damn good at it! He kept rising the ranks and eventually, got himself in a position of power!
“I mean, this guy was incredible! He basically reinvented warfare on the fly, and it took his enemies like, years to find a counter-strategy that worked! He clapped Austrian cheeks, and while he was in the middle of taking over Europe, he basically told the French that he was the Boss now, literally took the crown off its ceremonial altar and put it right on his head!” As I explained, I noticed that she was using her magic to write with multiple pens. “The guy had balls, he took what he wanted! The rest of Europe banded together and created like, 7 coalitions during his reign just to try and keep Napoleon from completely taking Europe! All the while, he was spreading his ideas of how the world should work, and eventually, monarchies were being toppled or weakened all over the place to form modern republics!
But anyways, as I was reading, it kept referencing this other book, called The Prince. Written by another misunderstood Italian, Machiavelli. Napoleon once called that book the only one worth reading, so I did a little digging, and eventually, I… convinced the warden to bring me a copy. Don’t judge me- in prison, you gotta do what ya gotta do. BUT! This book, The Prince, is where my own flavor of Syndicalism started to form- even if I didn’t realize it at the time.”
“So wait-” Glimmer interrupted me, and I cocked an eyebrow. “This Napoleon guy tried to take over the world… and you admire him?” I shook my head.
“I admire what he represents. He was an underdog that saw a destabilizing world and took his chance to seize power and form the world in his own image. His legal system changed the world for the better, as his code was the first to recognize civil liberties and all that other shit. That said- his reign probably wouldn’t have lasted either way. He made too many enemies, and with the most powerful nations in the world gunning for him, it was only a matter of time before the house of cards fell. But even when it did, Europe was never the same- and it was for the better, as I feel like it set the stage for modern history. Human history.” I paused to let her catch up, and when she did, she had a wide grin.
“Tell me about this book, The Prince.” She had a look on her face that told me she wasn’t just thinking- she was scheming.
“Okay… so, everything you’ve learned from Twilight about friendship and other interpersonal relationships- it’s great! It’s pure virtue, and while it is an admirable quality to be totally caring and compassionate, an abundance of these virtues is seen as a sign of weakness to be exploited. That’s what Twilight could never understand, and what Celestia apparently never taught her.” Glimmer was muttering to herself as she wrote down my words.
“Basically, Machiavelli argues that the ultimate goal of a politician is to keep and hold power through various means- and it’s not always morally righteous. It’s a book that challenges the old ideals of virtue and goodness, and argues that for a state to remain as such, whoever is in charge has to be willing to do whatever it takes… Let me give you an example that explains the fundamental ideas of Machiavellianism.
“There was this other Italian guy, called Cesare Borgia who was conquering Florence- which was the style at the time. He eventually conquered Cesena, and to help calm things down, he put one of his generals in charge, Ramiro deLorca. Borgia basically told this guy to do whatever he wanted to keep the peace. Given free reign, things quickly went to shit.” As I explained what happened next, the look on her face molded to one of disgust. “Borgia told deLorca to keep the peace at any cost… so he beheaded men in front of their families, seized properties, castrated anyone who spoke out against his rule. But- he created a sort of “peace” through his actions… I know this sounds bad, but hear me out. After months of this suffering and abuse, the city hated deLorca, and by extension, Cesare. But-”
Glimmer had a scoff on her face. “Really? That’s your ideal leader? A despotic-”
“I’m not done yet.” I added firmly, and she pursed her lips. “When Borgia found out what deLorca did to Cesena, he had his general kidnapped overnight. They cut him into two pieces… Right up the ball-seam.” That gave her pause- “Beheaded him and displayed it in the town square. And the people- they celebrated, because the most hated person in town finally got whacked!”
Glimmer gasped, coming to the conclusion herself. “And… and Borgia claimed that deLorca stole power and condemned him for the crimes he was told he could commit!” my grin matched hers, and I said-
“Not only did he paint himself as a savior, he painted deLorca as a villain, an example of what happens when you fuck around!” I felt proud of her- I was confident in her abilities before, now I know she has what it takes. “What Borgia did was morally wrong, evil, manipulative… but you can’t argue with the results, because the fruits of this endeavor was long term stability and the love of his people. That’s what’s most important in any state- at least, that’s the way I feel.”
After finishing the story, she gave me a wide grin.
“Yeah… yeah, I think I got it. Uhm… do you think you could-” She started,
“Tell you more?” I finished for her, and she nodded. “You’ll find out more. You’ve got a lot to learn before we can save Equestria from itself.” I held up a fist, and she bumped it with her hoof.
I leaned back in my chair to relax, and after an awkward silence, Glimmer spoke up again.
“So… you wanna talk about what happened earlier?” At first I was confused- then I let out a sigh of annoyance.
I sat up straight again, “You’re still on about that?”
With a warm smile, she said- “I used to work as a counselor at the School. I can tell when someone shifts the conversation to avoid talking about something.” I just snorted.
“Honey, I’m a total basket case. There’s no fixing me.” I admitted, staring off into space. “I tried therapy… there’s no fixing me, believe me.” I reiterated, but Glimmer insisted.
“Then let me help you instead! If you can’t be fixed, you can be helped… as you seem so adamant on doing with me- of which, I am very grateful.” She had a warm smile on her face- it felt genuine, somehow. “Please- I trust you with your politics and your unbelievable origins. I want you to trust me with this!”
With a deep sigh, I finally caved.
“I do trust you, Glimmer. Seriously- working with you yesterday was a fuckin’ blast!” I admitted- but more details on that next chapter.
Wait. What?
“Earlier today… That lady I had to talk to, she was my wife’s secretary. And… I won’t go into any of the details, but… Fuck, I ruined that poor girls life…” My eyes became unfocused as I told the story, but I felt a hoof softly grab my hand. Glimmer pulled her chair closer when I wasn’t paying attention, evidently.
“Take your time. And you don’t have to tell me all the details- I understand, it can be hard.” Hearing this, somehow, came as a relief. My gaze focused on my impromptu therapist and newest friend, for the time being.
“Thank you. It… she had to die to protect us, but she didn’t deserve it.” My voice cracked, heart pounding in my chest. I felt sober-er, somehow. Not like when I was rambling on about political theory- no, this felt different. “God, she didn’t deserve… any of that… I’ve known my wife for so long, and… and I…” I let out a sigh. I couldn’t tell her that part.
“Well, after that situation was taken care of, I decided to relax in the bath for a bit- take my mind off things. It was going well, until my wife called. I love her with all my heart, don’t get me wrong- but after today… I can’t tell you everything… I can’t help but see her differently.” Getting frustrated, I tried to get up- only to find that that wasn’t an option.
“Let go, I need a drink.” I said firmly, but her magic wouldn’t budge.
“Please, Leona- you were doing so well! Just stop, take a few deep breaths, and continue when you’re ready. Booze won’t do you any good right now.” As much as I hated to admit, she was right. I took her advice- several slow, deep breaths later, I continued.
“She called me. The other night, we were talking about having another baby. Today, she was asking one of our closest pony friends to be a surrogate father, and he agreed!” I was feeling frantic as I continued, but I continued focusing on Glimmer. “God, I should’ve been so happy… then… Fuck, it was so weird- I’d never felt anything like it before.”
But alas, as I recalled the experience, my mind started to wander. “W-when I l-lowered myself in the tub, the-the bath… uh, bath bomb I-I t-threw in…” I was stuttering terribly, and it felt like my whole body was shivering. Subconsciously, I wrapped my wings around myself. “It was c-citrus scented… r-red… l-l-like blood, and, and I smelled copper, too!” My voice was cracking as I recalled the story. “Th-then c-c-candles… dark… like I was back in-in the c-caves. Dogs charging, gunfire screaming… bagpipes. I was drowning on air, my insides felt like incessant radio static, and I thought I might have a heart attack. Felt like I was in-in d-danger, and I…” Then, with a nervous chuckle, I finished- “I uh… cried on the floor, f-for a-a-a while. I felt v-vulnerable, alone. But I couldn’t l-let them see me like… like that.” I tried to laugh it off, but failed spectacularly. Glimmer gave me a soft, sympathetic look.
“It’s alright to feel vulnerable- especially in front of family. They care about you, you know. And it sounds like you had a panic attack, fueled by the stressful situation from earlier compounded with PTSD.” I paused to think for a moment. “Look- you don’t have to talk about the war. And if you want to look at it another way, what’s done is done, no?”
“Hmm. That’s basically how I viewed it from day one. It is what it is, and I can’t argue with the results… The Maria situation was different. I won’t tell you what happened… But long ago, I fucked her over without either one of us realizing it. I tried making it up to her over the years, any way I could, and…” I sighed. “Bottom line is, I have no fucking clue how to approach my wife about this.” Glimmer nodded in understanding.
“Because of what she told you, you don’t want to spoil her mood?” She was more or less correct.
“Yeah! I’m worried because I don’t wanna hurt her! This is something that means a lot to her, and-and I… I just can’t! Not yet!” I nibbled my finger in anxiety, and Glimmer took a hand in each hoof.
“Leona- this is something that’s bothering you deeply. If you let it fester, it’s just gonna eat away at you from the inside until it bursts out. Please, don’t let it get that bad.” She almost had a pleading look in her eye, and something told me this wasn’t the first time she gave out this advice. “I can’t make you do anything- but… please. Talk to her, reiterate how much you love her, and let her know what’s on your mind. Trust me on this one.”
Finally, a genuine smile grew on my face.
“You’re right.” I finally admitted.
---
The rest of that evening, Glimmer and I just spent our time chatting it up about whatever bullshit comes to mind. She was telling me stories about herself and her friends, and I finished my blunt, laughing my ass off the whole time.
But all good things must come to an end. Later that night, my wife was behind me, cuddling me in bed. I’d actively avoided bringing up the other thing, but she was more than happy to tell us how excited she was to have a foal on her own- even though there’s not even a bun in the oven. Hell, the dough isn’t even made yet, but you’d think that she was expecting any day now with how she was talking!
Back to the present, I could feel her hot breath tickling the feathers behind my neck. I couldn’t face her, not to talk about this.
“Honey?” I said, and she hummed. “I love you with all my heart, you know that?” I said with a nostalgic smile. “And… if anything happened to either of us, I don’t know what I’d do.”
She giggled softly before speaking up.
“Baby, I know!” She giggled “And I love you too! More than anything else in the world!” She said in a soft voice that made me smile. But it shrank when I thought about what happened next.
After more silence, I spoke frankly and honestly.
“I know what you did to Maria.” I said, voice stern. The tickling on the back of my neck stopped after Dee gasped, and I could feel her shaking a little. “I’m not upset at you. I don’t want to know why you did it.”
She shot up, and the cold air spread across my back.
“L-Leona, I-I-” She tried to explain herself.
“Please. Lay back down.” My voice was uneven, almost shuddering. “I-I need… I need you. Please.” she slowly laid back down, once again wrapping her arms around me. I sighed in utter relief.
“I’ve done a lot of things I regret. Murdering Maria’s father for money was… not something I thought would come back. But it did.” Thankfully, Dee squeezed tighter- and it felt wonderfully relieving. “I… I’m an awful, awful person, Dee. Only now, I’ve finally felt what that actually meant.”
With a deep sigh, I continued. “I can’t change the past. But, going forward… please. Just, don’t- Don’t ever let me get in a situation like that again. God. I did what I had to, to protect us.” I shuddered, “But it didn’t need to be that way.”
“Sweetie, I’m sorry, I had no idea-” She sounded panicked as she tried to explain.
“Enough. Just… promise me it won’t happen again.” I said with a sigh, “Not just the thing with Maria… Dee. If Maria squealed, it would’ve been it for us, our credibility would’ve been ruined. Please, recognize that fact. Keep it in mind any time you’re interacting with a lower post than you. I can’t make you feel bad for Maria- but I can make you promise to not get us into a situation like that.”
After a few seconds of silence, I got my reply.
“I promise, dear.” She nuzzled the back of my neck, and I let out a sigh of relief.
“Thank you.” Despite this- I couldn’t stop thinking about her. About how I ruined her life without even knowing of her existence.
All it took was me shuddering for my wife to snap me out of it.
“Want me to tell you how the conversation with Emmie went again?” It was a funny story- and I figured, why not?
“Yes. Please.” I said, and she giggled.
At some point- I fell asleep with a smile on my face. I hated to be so callous about Maria, but… what the fuck else could I do? I couldn’t leave my wife, I refused to. Perhaps it’s a decision Maria would have liked- but it’s over now.
Wherever she is, I hope she’s at peace. She doesn’t deserve to hurt anymore, never did in the first place.
It is what it is, I guess.
---
That night, however, not everyone was restless in bed.
As Glimmer lay in bed with her wife Trixie, she couldn’t help but think of the possibilities! Leona seems to think she had what it takes- and not only that, she hailed from an entirely different planet, inhabited with an entirely different species! But she was tired- tomorrow could wait for tomorrow.
Anastasia laid in her bed, softly snoring away. She had one of her Mamma’s old teddy bears to snuggle with, and her dreams that night were the usual- dreams usually centered around Mamma spending time with her. She loved her Mamma with all her heart- same as the orange cat which was curled up on the end of her bed, snoozing away.
But of course, not everyone was in bed.
The clanking of casino machines droned out, and bells and whistles would sound off every now and then.
Thunk!
“Damnit!” Amelia yelled as she once again lost at the slots, looking at the near-empty bucket of coins next to her. She had plenty of money- but she still had to change the bills for coins at the counter.
“Hey, sugah!” One of the cocktail waitresses approached her with a tray of champagne flutes, and looking particularly attractive. She had a green bracelet on- and everyone in the casino knew what that meant. “Can ah interest ya in a drink or two?”
Amelia hummed to herself. “You know, I am feeling pretty thirsty after that losing streak…” She had a sly grin and pulled out a wad of bills. “I think I’ll definitely need two, if ya catch my meaning.” the waitress giggled and kissed her on the cheek, handing her a room key.
“Name’s Cecilia. I gotta find my friend- why don’t you head up now?” She ran a seductive finger across Amelia’s chin, and it made her shiver. “We’ll be up… real soon.”
Wasting no time, Amelia took the key and waited on the bed for her… escorts.
One thing was certain- when Cecilia and her partner Cassilda walked in looking all dolled up and sexy, Amelia decided then and there that it was time for bed… but she wouldn’t be sleeping.
In fact, she probably wouldn’t be getting a whole lotta sleep that night, anyway.
But of course, life is rarely kind. Not everyone slept on a bed that night.
Maria’s corpse was taken away, chopped up, and the individual pieces buried- cutting up a body makes it easier to transport, you know. In the end, she was buried in a twin mattress sized hole in the ground, her head resting on a pillow of clay; she was covered all over in a blanket of quicklime and dirt, with worms and maggots being her only companions in her most final of beds.
She had no family left to mourn her- Leona personally made sure of that, long ago. She had no kids, never married, and was a bit of an outcast.
There was almost no one left to mourn her in the end. No one to cry for her untimely death, except for the one who caused all her pain and suffering. Ironically enough, it was one of two deaths she cried about- and the other was her own.