After the whole graveyard incident, I decided it best not to ruminate on the meaning and profundity of a man who died over fifteen years ago. I had business to attend to, after all.

Honestly, there’s no better way to drown out feelings like that than burying yourself in your work… or your wife. Either way works well.

Anyways- that was all a couple days ago. My wife and I decided to take some time off to relax after the long journey here- and lemme tell ya, she was loving the royal treatment- and this was only just a taste!

I think the reason that we’re being treated so well is because I’m essentially giving Grover a fuckton of free political clout because the future campaign will be fought in his name. If only he knew what I was planning.

“So… what’s happening today?” Dee asked as we were in our room, getting ready.

“Well… I get to try on my armor. And… I don’t actually know.” I scratched my chin, “At this point, about everything’s ready on our end- we’re just waiting on the perfect time to strike.”

Dee was about to open her mouth to respond- but the castle’s PA system crackled to life with a loud whistle.

“Diamond Tiara and Leona Grimfeather, please report to the throne room. I repeat, Diamond Tiara and Leona Grimfeather, please report to the throne room.” Click.

I blinked in confusion. “The fuck’s he want?” I said, grabbing my hat and groaning in annoyance. I checked my guns, which was part of my normal every-day ritual anyway as Dee put her suit on. I felt a headache beginning to form and I popped an aspirin for the road- Thankfully, they haven’t been as bad lately, which I’m taking as a good sign.

I was actually thinking of switching to tylenol, or whatever the local brand equivalent is. Mainly for the sake of preventing stomach ulcers.

Thankfully, the path through the castle was well known to me, since the king allowed me to… retrieve that information from a servant. The servant was fine, if a little shook by the whole experience. Dee asked me if I could give her that knowledge too, and I told her fuck no. I don’t know if the whole memory thing comes with any unforeseen risks, and I didn’t want to know.

We walked side by side, and I had my wing around her back. The throne room doors were massive, but thank fuck, they were already open.

But of course, if I knew what was waiting for us, I would’ve come with more dynamite and molotovs. Twilight Sparkle was in the throne room, talking to King Grover with an entourage of her guards. I drew a pistol and pulled my wife close.

“YOU FUCKING TRAITOR!” I screamed at the top of my lungs, waving my pistol like a madwoman. Twilight jumped and the King greeted me with a smile- all the while, all the guards in the room looked ready to pounce.

“N-Now, now, we can be civil here.” Twilight tried to reassure me with a warm smile- I just glared at her and clicked the funny switch.

“Leona, put that thing away. Princess Twilight and I have worked out a deal.” I grit my beak in furious anger- but eventually relented, holstering my pistol. I approached them cautiously- with my hand ready to draw at a second's notice.

“As you know, you’ve caused quite a stir across Equestria.” The King said, and I grit my beak in silence. “That puts me in a bit of an awkward position, you know.”

“Just get to the fucking point.” I growled out.

“I’m harboring Equestria’s public enemies number one and two. Now, I’m sure you can tell where there’d be a conflict of interest.” I noticed that Gallus was there too- and he was glaring at us intently.

“Fortunately,” Twilight said, “We’ve come to an agreement.” She turned to the King with a smirk, and he explained-

“Due to crimes against Equestria, yadda yadda, Leona, you’re stuck with indentured military servitude. As for you, Diamond Tiara… I don’t know, what’re you good at?” she just shrugged in response.

“Finance. Leadership. Creative accounting. I can lift approximately 50 pounds by myself.” She listed off matter-of-factly.

“Can you… can you cook?” He asked, and I decided to answer.

“She burnt a salad once, so not really.” that earned me a slap on the back of the head. The king just shrugged.

“Alright, you’re the new assistant head maid then. Princess Twilight- is this satisfactory?” She grimaced and sighed.

“Not really… but it’ll have to do, won’t it?”

“Just remember that the alternative is a war between our nations- I refuse to lose my one ace in the hole.” I noticed that Gallus was scowling fiercely at the king. He then turned his gaze to me- pointed at his eyes then pointed at my face, a gesture that meant I’m watching you.

I smirked at him and pointed my middle finger in the air, facing towards him- a gesture that meant go fuck yourself.

Twilight looked towards Grover and nodded. “Farewell, King Grover.” She said simply, gesturing for her guards to follow her out. Once the door was shut behind her, I just chuckled.

“Well, shit. I was planning on helping with the campaign anyways.”

“About that.” The King said, and I cocked an eyebrow. “Someone will be in your room first thing in the morning to wake you both up. When I said military service, I meant training as well.”

“Hold on hold on, what?” I just chuckled. “Training? Yeah right, you’re acting like I don’t know what I’m doing already.” I rolled my eyes.

“And what about me?” Dee asked, and the King just shrugged.

“Eh, the Assistant Maid title is tentative, really- I just said it so she’d go away. That said, though- you will be assisting my servants, as well as whatever else you were doing anyway.” He waved his hand in a dismissive gesture, and we took that as our cue to fuck off.

“I'm serious, Leona. First thing in the morning.” He said, and I rolled my eyes.

“Sure thing.”

I led Dee to her destination, then parted ways with a quick smooch on the cheek. “See you tonight, darling.” I gave her a quick nibble on the ear and she giggled adorably. “There’ll be more where that came from later.” I said with a smirk, and she blushed cutely.

---

The trip down to the castle's armorer was uneventful, thankfully.

I creeped through the door and yelled, “Yo, Andre! You here?” I yelled, and heard my response from the back of the shop.

“No one’s home, lassie.” He yelled back sarcastically, and I greeted him with a smile.

He spoke in a Scottish accent, reminiscent of a Nalotian. He had long, white feathers and a tan colored back half, and holy fuck he was buff. Absolutely massive muscles covered nearly his entire body, the sweat glistening and dripping off him like- Damn it, Leona, you are a happily married woman! Keep it together! Despite my internal chastisement, I couldn’t help but imagine him crushing my skull between his thighs like a watermelon. Unf.

Anyways, what was I here for? Ah, right.

“Heard my armor was done?” I asked, and he stopped hammering and wiped some sweat off his brow.

“Aye, it is. Follow me, I want ye to try it on.” He led me over to a mannequin with a tarp over it, which he tossed to the side in a dramatic fashion. I couldn’t help but whistle.

“Well, ye gonna try it on, or ‘r ye tryin’ ta attract songbirds?” I rolled my eyes at him.

I first put on the pants, which were black and had a hole in the back for my tail. Then came the coat, which had long sleeves that covered my arms completely. Then I put the gloves and boots on, and used several straps to tighten the pants and coat around my boots and gloves- providing good protection from the poisonous gas. Finally- covering my wings and tail were large, relatively tight fitting bags that made flying impossible- but they were easy enough to remove with little assistance. Completing the look was an open- faced balaclava.

Of course, this was only the inner layer. But before I put the plate armor on, I was doing some quick experiments with the gloves, to determine whether they affected my dexterity or not. I grabbed a gun- still at half cock- and fondled the triggers, then mimicked the motions of reloading. While it was a little awkward, it did work remarkably well. Although at some point- I was gonna have to forge myself some wider trigger guards.

Next up was the steel peytral- it wasn’t as thick as your typical soldiers, but since the gas would incapacitate most of our enemies long before they saw us, that was all a matter of frugality. The peytral covered my front, upper back, and sides- and attached to a separate piece which covered my flanks. They were all tightened using a ratcheting mechanism- which I found to be a bit questionable.

“Why not use a more traditional cam-buckle system, or a simple notched belt system?” I asked him as he tightened my armor.

“Stability and fitting. Cam buckles’ll come loose over time with enough force applied- an’ using belt loops limits the range you can tighten the armor, meaning I’d have to smith more variations. A ratchet solves both issues.” I smirked and nodded.

“Good call, then.” I threw my baldric holsters overtop the breastplate- they were a bit tight, but still fit well enough.

Next up was a cloak- and this one was a bright, xanthous yellow. It flowed loosely down my back, and stitched inside the cloak were my pre-rolled cartridges, all greased up and ready to go. And of course, underneath the cloak I could fit my bags and supplies, including molotovs and dynamite.

“What’s with the color?” I asked,

“Visibility. It’s gonna be dark in those caves- and tha gas isn’t gonna help matters. Ye all are gonna have diff’rent colors to help with identifyin’ each other.” I simply nodded in response.

And the last bit of the uniform- the mask and helmet. The mask looked like a German lederschutzmaske- per my original schematics. Even down to the metallic “spider” in the eye ports. The helmet also looked like a German stahlhelm- thankfully, with no buttplug, either.

Overall, I was quite happy with how it turned out. It was protective and unsettling- which was perfect! Of course, the recruits' uniforms are gonna be a little different- Personally, I decided to forgo the blunderbuss entirely, in favor of my pistols- so rather than pre-rolls, the inside of their cloaks were gonna be full of powder and shot for reloading the blunderbuss.

And actually, the way I had it figured out was I was gonna give them the choice between two flintlock pistols or the blunderbuss. After all- due to the close quarters nature, both would be quite practical, just in different ways. The blunderbuss would function as a primary weapon, and the pistols would mainly be secondary to melee weaponry.

“Well, Andre, you’ve outdone yourself.” He just giggled in response.

“Ah, well, I ain’t gonna be doin’ it all alone. Your friend, Ulysses, told me he’s gotten 47 recruits in total.” I nodded in satisfaction. I started taking the armor off and replaced it with my normal clothes.

“You gonna have some guys take all this up to my room?” I asked him, and he nodded. I smiled, saying “Well, then we have no further business today. Keep up the great work.” I said, making my leave.

The rest of the day was pretty easygoing. I was just going around town, seeing what changed so far. Already, new life was being breathed into the city- businesses were reopening, parents watched their children playing in the park, the breadlines grew shorter and shorter by the day. It’s wild to think that none of this would’ve been possible without my wife and I essentially robbing Equestria blind.

Heh.

And you know the crazy part is the majority of people don’t even know how important we were in this endeavor. Thanks to efforts by the king’s men, a lot of news from Equestria has been getting… filtered before it gets printed here. The public enemy thing still made it through- but many assume that I’m working for the king on their side- which I am.

And you wanna know the craziest shit? Somehow, somehow, someone managed to convince that guard I shot that it was for the greater good. I don't know how the captain pulled that off, but it made my job a bit easier. I think he managed to shift the blame to the king- which is even better. Either way, the King had a gaslighting pro on his hands and I needed to find out who.

But anyways, it was nice, really. I spent a while just chilling on a park bench, thinking of the good old days- before everything went to shit.

Although the more that I think about it… I’m glad everything fell apart, in a way. Yeah, the journey sucked, and it wasn’t easy, fuckin’ far from it… but, shit. Not only did it sort of give me my life’s purpose and a goal to work towards; it also led to me meeting the love of my life. It’s a bittersweet feeling, mixed with a heavy spoonful of nostalgia and a sprinkle of what if’s.

I’m glad things have been working out so far.

---

Later that evening at the castle, we all sat down for dinner in the massive banquet hall. The king and his heirs were all there along with the most important members of his staff.

They were actually quite accommodating for my wife- since she was a pony and couldn’t really digest meat all that well, she had a vegetarian plate of pasta and an herby sauce- while the rest of us had the same pasta, but with a meat based sauce.

And of course, that night in the bedroom, we took plenty of time to relax. I was gently massaging her back as she told me about her day, and I told her about mine.

“That armor sounds kinda stuffy.” She said, and I just giggled.

“Yeah, but it’s better than the alternative.” I said, leaning forward and nibbling her ear.

“Hmmm… What’re you doing?” She asked, giving me a sultry grin.

“Getting my dessert ready, of course.”

“Mmmm… feel free to dig in whenever you like, honey.” she said, then after a few seconds she added, “I wish you had ears so I can nibble them…” I couldn’t help but chuckle.

“I mean, I technically do have ears- they’re just internal.” You know- like a bird.

“Doesn’t do me any good.” And of course, I just had to make up for those shortcomings.

I think we were up until two AM- so I’m pretty sure the mission was successful.

Little did I know how much I would come to regret that.

---

At about five in the fuck you AM, a guard entered our room…

Blowing a fucking bugle and turning the lights on.

“AH WHAT THE FUCK!” I screamed, rolling out of bed and grabbing the pistol I kept on my nightstand. My wife did much the same, as I trained her to do- rolling off the bed and lowering her head. I peeked up over the mattress and saw the guard standing there with a stony expression, next to a hen in a maids outfit. “Oh for the love of… give me one good reason not to blow your heads off?” I asked, my eyes half crusted over. My wife didn’t fare much better, barely looking alive herself.

The maid approached her sympathetically. “Sorry about this, darling. It’s just a formality, you understand.” She grabbed her hoof and helped her off the floor. “Get yourself ready. We have a long day ahead of us.”

My wife just looked at her, then looked back at me. Quietly, she leaned and kissed me on the cheek. “Good luck.”

“Where’s my apology?” I asked the guard, and he just laughed.

“Follow me. This is cutting into your breakfast time, I hope you understand.” My eyes shot open in realization. Not one to miss breakfast, I asked him to lead the way. “You may want to use the restroom first. You won’t have time later.” I nodded slowly in a daze and went off to do my business.

Something told me that this was gonna suck.

I started chuffing back my morning smokes as I was led out of the castle and to the courtyard training grounds, which had its own meal tent. Apparently, this is where I would be eating for the foreseeable future. There looked to be about 47 of us in total- so I assumed these were my shock troops.

“Grab a tray and take your seat. The Sarge will be here in fifteen minutes.” I nodded, doing as I was told. Breakfast was simple- a bowl of plain porridge and scrambled eggs with a bit of ketchup, along with a mug of coffee. I took a sip and grimaced… slight correction. Shitty coffee.

I surveyed the crowd, and noticed some familiar faces- at least seven or so of them were my Royal Guard from Manehattan. And of course, Ulysses was there- keeping an eye on us all while we ate, all while he drank his breakfast of a few gulps of rye whiskey. Of course, he was still wearing his bearskin coat, flat topped hat, and bandanna.

Then across the room, I noticed something I’ve never seen before- a zebragriff! Which was a sort of hippogriff- but half zebra! Basically, a hippogriff is what happens when a griffon and a pony get it on. The resulting offspring is typically sterile, as a side note. Rather than feathers, hippogriffs are covered in fur, have external ears, and have a longer than usual beak. This one was mostly white with light brown stripes and a black beak. So that was neat.

“First day, too?” The hen sitting next to me asked as I inhaled my breakfast. I took a deep breath and nodded. I looked over and noticed- she had a tired look in her eyes and looked quite similar to the hen next to her.

“Name’s Jos. This’s my twin sister, Fin.” her sister turned to me with a smile, and I smirked.

“Nice meetin’ you two. Name’s Leona.” I said, and we shook hands.

“Saw you was eyein’ up Sinan over there. Don’t see too many zebragriff’s, eh?” She asked, and I nodded. “He’s a nice fella. Fin and I was talkin’ to him earlier, an’ he seems passionate to the cause.” I smiled in satisfaction.

“That’s good. I gotta ask though- what brings you two all the way down here? Am I wrong to assume you’re not from around here?” I could tell by her accent that they were likely from somewhere from Nalot.

“For starters... We used to be bounty hunters- but we heard about this whole thing here, we just had to join. Although, you’d be wrong to assume we ain’t local- we was born here, but eventually ran up north.” She said, her face gaining a saddened look to it. “Our Mamma died a long time ago because she couldn’t afford her meds… promised she’d come back for us, but well…”

I quickly put a sympathetic hand on her shoulder. “Hey, you don’t gotta keep going with that. Shit's fucked regardless.” She gave me a warm smile and nodded. “And hey- you were bounty hunters too?” her eyes widened in surprise.

“Always good to meet a fellow tradeshen.” She said with a giggle. I’d just realized- Fin hasn’t said a single word yet. I guess she doesn’t talk much. “What weapons you prefer?” She asked, and I said-

“Pistols, mainly. You know, seeing as I built them myself.” Her eyes widened as she and her sister gasped- but before they could say anything, Ulysses made his presence known to the room.

“ALRIGHT, MAGGOTS!” He yelled at the top of his lungs, his gruff voice grabbing all the eyes in the room. “For the next three months, you will refer to me as Sir. Understood?” I huffed in indignation… then he glared daggers at me, and I’ll be honest- it kinda freaked me out. I decided I’d talk to him about his… insubordination in private later.

After a few moments of silence, he yelled out- “I’M SORRY, I MUST BE GOING DEAF. I DIDN’T HEAR A SIR, YES SIR!”

“SIR YES SIR” The entire room yelled in response.

“LOUDER!”

“SIR YES SIR!” I could tell Ulysses had a shit eating grin under his bandanna.

“That’s more like it.” he said as he paced around the room. “For the next three months, you will be put through the most brutal training that I am legally allowed to put you through. But if you survive, you will all come out as the meanest, toughest sons of bitches this side of the Confederacy.

“But until then, you will only speak when spoken to. Every day, you will be run ragged until you collapse from exhaustion. You will endure pain and humiliation like you’ve never experienced it before. Your endurance will be tested. Your strength will be tested. Your willpower will be tested. It will be difficult… but I selected you all for a reason.

“That reason being that I saw a fire in your eyes. A burning need for revenge, a constant reminder of what you lost because the mutts took it from you.” Everyone was looking around the room smugly, and I instantly saw what Ulysses was talking about.

“You are not mere soldiers. You’ll be heroes- your country will thank you. The Confederacy will thank you. Your family and friends will thank you. Even if you die, you will live on forever in the history books as a part of something greater than yourselves.” He lowered his bandanna and revealed a smug grin. “Just this once, go ahead. Let it out now.”

The entire room erupted into cheers! Fists were waved in the air, tables were shifted as people got up, almost everyone was clapping… they were fuckin HYPED! And of course, I had to join them. It felt reassuring to know that there were people as passionate as me here. In fact, I’m willing to bet that’s why he told us to let it out- to quell any lingering doubts among us. Clever.

“ALRIGHT, THAT’S ENOUGH!” He yelled out, and the room fell back to silence. “So, here’s what’s gonna happen- you will all be divided into teams of six, equaling eight teams in total. Each team will have a color it corresponds with- and this color will be the cloak you wear over top your armor.”

And so, he started announcing the teams. There was the pink team, red, blue, orange, violet, green, white, and Xanthous team. That was the team I was on. Okay, it’s actually yellow team… but I like Xanthous more.

On my team I had Jos, Fin, and Sinan- the zebragriff. On top of them, there were two others- A griffon named Rosco, some hick who used to be a sheriff to his community, and Sir Adrian- a nobleman from Northumbria. Adrian was a bit older than the rest of us- but not by much.

“ALRIGHT, MAGGOTS! WE’RE GONNA BE DOING LAPS AROUND THE CITY! GROUP UP!” We all sounded off with a Sir, yes sir and a salute.

---

We basically exercised all day long- pushups, pullups, laps around the city, lifting, etc. Basic stuff for basic training. It was around six pm, and let me tell you- I was fuckin’ whooped. At the mess hall, we wordlessly grabbed our dinners of spaghetti and meatballs.

“So… how’re the rest of you holding up?” I asked as I popped a tylenol.

“Could be better.” Sinan said with a giggle.

“Ya’ can say that ag’in, stripes.” Rosco spoke up. Adrian and the twins simply nodded.

“I’ll be honest, I didn’t realize Ulysses was such a hardass. Guess that’s why I hired him in the first place.” I heard a fork drop and I realized- oh right, that was kinda supposed to be a secret.

“Wait, Leona… you said you invented guns earlier, you apparently have the drill sergeant on your payroll… spill it! What’s going on here?” Jos asked with a wide grin, and Fin just nodded.

“I think I know the answer, actually.” Adrian said, and I cocked an eyebrow. “That whole meeting that King Grover had with Princess Twilight… you had something to do with that. Am I wrong?” He gave me a smug smile and I sighed.

“Fuckin’ spot on. The long story short is a lot of this operation was funded solely by my wife and I. I may have done some… less than legitimate things to acquire said funds. That’s why I’m now Ulysses’ bitch, apparently.” Rosco snorted at me.

“Ah, yer a crook is what yer sayin’?” I couldn’t help but laugh.

“Eh, I prefer to call myself a shyster.” I looked around the room to make sure no one was obviously listening in. “Try and keep this on the down low, if you would. And besides- would you rather this country decline even further than it already did? Featherworth is finally on an economic upturn thanks to my efforts. Not only that, but this war effort relies on inventions I created myself.” Rosco still had a frown on his face- but eventually he glanced off to the side.

“Ah suppose… Ah-hyuck!” He said, punctuating his sentence with an odd chuckle that made me laugh.

“But enough about me. Tell me about yourselves.” I said, leaning against the table. I pointed to Sinan first.

“Well, I’m a zebragriff, if you hadn’t noticed.” He spoke up with a warm smile. “My father is from the Zebrican archipelago, my mother is a griffon from a village north of here. My reasons for joining up are my own- but probably very similar to many others.” There was a hint of bitterness in his voice.

“I say we skip the reasoning, then.” Adrian spoke up this time. “Let’s boil it down to we all want what’s best for our nation.” He looked at Sinan with a smile, “What kind of things interest you?”

Sinan just shrugged. “Well, I love sword fighting. I also practice a little bit of alchemy and write amateur poetry. I play guitar. I like to read. Suffice to say, I’m quite boring.” He said with an almost apologetic smile. Rosco just slapped him on the back.

“Ah, that ain’t nothin’ ta be ashamed of!” He said, and we nodded at him to continue. “Well, Ah myself’ve always been interested in the law- I’ve dedicated my life to trying to keep tha’ streets safe and such.” He said with a shrug, “Ah’ve come to realize that this crime wave ain’t stoppin’ til we fix tha’ poverty issue.”

To my surprise, Fin spoke up next. “If you want peace, prepare for war.”

“Something we can all get behind.” I said with a smile. Glad to know Fin wasn’t mute.

“Here here.” Adrian said with a smile. “As for myself, I enjoy the thrill of a good fight. I graduated top of my class and am an expert marksman with a crossbow, and a pretty good duelist with a sword. I also like to read and studied law.” We all nodded.

Jos spoke up. “My sis and I were bounty hunters. Long time ago when we ran away, a man took us in and taught us a bit about smithing before he croaked. We forged all our own weapons, actually.” She said with a smug grin, and I held a hand up.

“Fuckin same!” We high-fived, “Well, I used to do bounty hunting and smithing before life got busy for me. I was Manehattan’s biggest supplier of booze, among other things. My favorite thing to do is my wife.” I said, and the entire table burst into laughter. After the laughter slowed, Rosco spoke up-

“Ya know, in a diff’rent life, you and Ah would’ve been enemies. Ah-hyuck!” He said with that same stupid chuckle. I smirked and said in a joking tone,

“Whoo-wee! Them Grimfeather's is at it ag’een!” Everyone laughed again- but I don’t think they fully understood the joke. I was about to speak up again- but sadly, our meet and greet was cut short.

“ALRIGHT, MAGGOTS! TIME FOR MORE LAPS!”

“Sir, yes sir!”

Fuck.

---

Later that night, we all parted ways until the morning. I didn’t even have the energy to call Ulysses a prick. I didn’t even have the energy to fly to my balcony, so I had to walk.

Everything hurt and life is pain. When I finally made it to the room, I didn’t even acknowledge my wife, who was writing in her diary. I went straight to the shower and set the temperature to boiling, letting the hot water wash away the day's sweat, dirt, and pain.

Once I got out of the shower, Dee asked me, “Honey, are you alright?” I kept walking towards the bed and jumped on, landing face first into the pillow.

“Nuh.” I heard her diary close and she took her place next to me, gently massaging my back and wings. I felt her getting close to my neck.

“Would it help if I-”

“Nuh. Tired.” I flopped onto my side. “Can I be the little spoon tonight?” I asked, and she giggled.

“Of course, darling.” She kissed me on the cheek and wrapped her hooves around me. I sighed in delight, feeling her heartbeat against my back.

“Thank.” Christ, I could barely speak. Hopefully I’ll get a good night's sleep tonight and actually be able to talk to her tomorrow night.

Still- could be worse. At least I made some friends.

It's finally here! Sorry about the delay- if you haven't read my last blog post, I haven't been able to write as much due to issues acquiring my ADHD medication. Hopefully I'll get that all sorted soon :P

I hope you didn't think Leona would get off scott free, hmm? :3 But hey- she has more friends, now!

ALSO- THANK YOU ALL FOR 100 LIKES!!!!!!! It means a lot to me, it really does :3

As always, thank you for reading! Likes and comments are always greatly appreciated!