Shit, where do I start?

Well, first and foremost, I’ve spent the last three months shoveling, boiling, and straining bat shit to acquire saltpeter.

Yes, you heard that right. Bat shit- or guano- is pretty rich in the stuff. I haven’t been doing it alone, though- I had my two favorite lackey’s helping me, and I paid them good wages in liquor and weed.

I went up to Snails and snapped my fingers twice. “Let’s go, smokes.” he just groaned.

“I’m starting to run out…” he whined as I took a couple smokes for my own use.

“Well you’re in luck. I should have enough saltpeter by now to get started.” I had Snips pulling a small cart of the stuff back to Dee’s place, where we had this whole operation going.

You may be wondering why Dee isn’t helping with this part- well, as soon as I mentioned “shoveling bat shit” she refused.

It was understandable. And besides that- I never minded doing dirty work, so I just had her handling all the other stuff. She was in charge of purchasing the… other materials we would be using. Not only the constituent ingredients, but also a decent supply of firewood to use, as well as the tools we’d need to make this possible.

Snips and Snails transferred the bat shit to a decent size drum full of water which hung over our firepit.

“Alright boys, that’s enough for the day.” You may be wondering how I keep these chucklefucks in line? I batted my eyelashes and handed them a jar of booze, giving each of them a quick smooch on the cheek. They both walked away with dopey smiles on their faces and I spat at the ground, lighting a cigarette.

God, men are so fucking easy to manipulate. Even Dee was in on it- I found it kinda funny.

The next part, I didn’t really trust them with- I felt it would be too complicated for them, and one of them would likely get hurt. The rest of the day was spent- you guessed it- boiling and straining bat shit. The methods I used were a bit more complicated than that, of course- but I’m not writing it down.

If someone needs industrial amounts of this stuff, they can figure it out themselves.

The sun had begun to fall, and thankfully I was almost finished. I was using a hammer and a bag of thick cloth to grind the stuff down into smaller granules for later use, and transferred them to a little wooden barrel.

After three months of on and off hard work, I’d managed to produce about two pounds of this Chinese miracle. Enough to last me a while, to be sure- but hardly enough to field an army with.

I wiped the sweat off my brow and went to turn in for the night. Despite the fact that it was early winter, it was still pretty hard work.

No one said revolutionizing warfare would be easy, after all.

I brought the barrel to Dee’s room and set it in there since it was non-volatile by itself. She was sitting at her desk writing in her diary. I went up to hug her when she said-

“I swear to Celestia if you take another step closer without taking a shower first I will slap you.” I was taken aback momentarily… then I sniffed myself and cringed.

Oh yeah. I do smell like bat shit and BO, don’t I?

“You know where it is.” she said, without even looking up- but I could tell she was smiling.

I did just that; letting the hot water wash away the muck and grime of hard labor. I made sure to scrub extra hard, and used that fruity soap she likes the smell of; Tonight, I’d planned to… celebrate- after all, tonight was gonna be our six month anniversary. It doesn’t sound like much, but shit. It’s longer than any relationship I’ve been in before. That’s gotta count for something.

Once I got out of the shower, I used a blowdryer to make sure my chest was extra soft and floofy, and I even made sure the little tuft of fur on the end of my tail was nice and soft. I wanted tonight to be special, after all.

With that finished, I chomped back a couple breath mints and polished my beak.

In her room, she was still sitting at that chair at her desk- kicking the door behind me shut, I leaned into the back of her shoulders, rubbing them gently. She sighed and leaned her head back and I began to nibble at her ear. I began to whisper,

“Happy six months, Bella Mia.” She just giggled.

“You know, you never told me what that means.” I smirked.

“It means My Beautiful, darling.” I put a hand on her cheek and began to nibble at her neck. “Because that’s what you are, my love.” she just giggled and blushed adorably.

“You’re just so cheesy, you know that?”

“And you’re just so sweet. What’s your point?” She just rolled her eyes at me and said-

“Well… you wanna move somewhere more… comfortable?” I smiled and wasted no time setting her on the edge of the bed.

“Never thought you’d ask… Empress Tiara.” I kissed her cheek and worked my way down, reveling in her adorable squirming the entire time. Her back arched and she set her front hooves on my head for support.

Finally, I made my way down and-

“Diamond Tiara! I… got…” THE FUCKING DOOR AGAIN!? Of all people, her fucking mother was there.

My lover involuntarily wrapped her back hooves around my head, preventing me from escaping. She then yelled-

“You ever heard of knocking!? You should try it sometime!”

Presumably, her mother stalked off, probably muttering something about her daughter either sleeping with a degenerate or to try and wipe the memory of probably seeing my snatch out of her mind.

We still banged, though. I just made sure to lock the door this time.

I refused to get clam-jammed tonight.

---

I’d decided to take a bit of a break on the gunpowder project, at least until it starts warming up outside. Until then we just… did couples stuff together. It was nice, really. We went on dates together, kissed in public a lot, cuddled, got drunk and high together. One time I caught a squirrel for her and nailed its tail to a tree so she could get off to watching it suffer.

Just… domestic couple things. It was wonderful! We even celebrated the holidays together, which was always something Mamma and I never really bothered with. I mean, why would we celebrate the founding anniversary of an entire different nation?

Mr. Rich was even kind enough to invite Mamma over for dinner- which surprised me. I asked him about it and he said Though I’m still not sure if you two should be together, I can see you make her quite happy. Or something to that effect.

Surprisingly enough, our mothers bonded quite well. Mrs. Rich enjoyed showing off her daughter's baby photos, and Mamma was more than happy to try and outdo her. It was… a little embarrassing for Dee and I, to be honest.

We were all in the living room together- I had a wing wrapped around Dee as we sat on the couch.

Then when they decided to bring up the ages in which we were potty trained, Dee and I decided to bail to save us the humiliation. And besides- we had some new… toys I wanted to try out.

Like uhh… trains. Yeah, that’s it. We were playing with toy trains.

Choo-choo.

---

So when spring rolled around, it was time to get to work. After that winter wrap up nonsense, of course.

Since the hard part had been finished about three months ago, now it was time to make the charcoal. Thankfully, it would be much easier- all it took was a bunch of empty paint cans with holes on the top, pieces of softwood, and an open fire.

The fire pit we dug last year was about a foot into the ground, which made it as simple as putting a metal grate over the top- though I made sure to leave a way to add more wood to the fire.

I spent the entire day turning chunks of softwood into chunks of charcoal- which I would then throw into a cheesecloth, pound into even smaller bits, then use a hand cranked coffee grinder to reduce it to a usable powder.

Later that afternoon, Dee brought me out a quick dinner of cheese fries and a pitcher of lemonade.

“You’re a lifesaver, babe.” I took a sip of the lemonade, and realized something funky.

“That’s not lemonade, that’s liquorade!” I smiled and she giggled.

“Figured you could use a drink after a long day.”

“That I could.” She moved in to kiss me and I pulled back.

“Babe, my fur and feathers are full of charcoal dust right now. I wouldn’t if I were you.” I definitely made sure to tie a thick cloth around my beak whenever I started grinding the charcoal down. She just rolled her eyes at me.

“But anyways, I also came out to tell you that the last thing you needed had arrived.” my eyes widened in surprise.

“Oh shit! Bring it out back, then! I wanna test this shit tonight!” She smiled and nodded, and I finished my dinner and ground down the last of the charcoal.

I used a scale to measure out the exact amounts I needed and simply mixed them into a small bowl.

“A bit of sugar, spice, and everything nice…” I poured out a long line of the stuff across the outdoor table I’d been working at. “Then badda bing badda boom, you got~” Dee looked on in anticipation, a look of excitement in her eyes as I took a long roll of paper and lit the end on fire.

“War crimes!” I yelled as I ignited the powder.

FFFWOOOM!

It burned rapidly, rushing down the line of powder like a fuse. The smoke was thick and heavy, and reeked of rotting eggs.

Just the way I like it.

I looked over and saw Dee was covering her nose with a grimace. “It smells like rotten eggs!”

I just laughed. “Hell yeah it does! Now help me get this place cleaned up. I wanna get drunk tonight.” She smiled and nodded, and we did just that.

Then her mother came out.

“WHAT ON EQUUS HAPPENED TO MY TABLE!?” I just cringed, realizing there was a thick, black line along the table where the powder scarred it.

“Uhhh… whoops?” I just gave her a sheepish grin and she huffed off.

Eh… she’ll get over it.

---

The project was far from finished, though. After all, I still had to get a… proof of concept ready. I had Dee commission the local smith to make a couple of simple parts; A barrel with a flash pan, an S shaped piece of metal which would act as both the trigger and the firing mechanism, and a tool for making lead balls.

It was gonna be a super, super simple matchlock design that even a caveman could operate. The barrel is about 36 inches long and .50 caliber, unrifled with a simple breech plug welded on the back; it even had a couple loops on the bottom for fitting it to a basic stock. Thankfully, the flash pan had a simple cover, though.

The mechanism was dead simple too- the S shaped piece of metal is pinned to the side where it can swivel freely- the trigger being pulled forward by a small coil spring literally nailed to the side. On the top of the S was a little loop which could fit either a piece of matchcord or a lit cigarette- whichever was more convenient. Pulling the trigger brings the burning cord in contact with powder in the pan- then BOOM!

All I had left to do was carve out a basic stock and put it all together.

Easier said than done- I spent the next two months sawing and filing away at a long block of wood to fit the barrel to it.

The end result was… far from pretty. The overall silhouette is based on the Japanese Tanegashima, in the fact that it has a decently sized barrel with no actual stock. That’s where the similarities end, however. The wood was unvarnished, the iron barrel was without a proper finish and held to the stock with three square pins and a bunch of hose clamps for extra stability. It’s very… utilitarian. I called it The Mark 1.

But that was okay- after all, I planned on going to school to learn how to make them better.

Speaking of which- our project was due tomorrow. The way we had it figured, Dee would do the talking and I would deal with the demonstration aspect of it. But right now, I was giving Dee a quick demonstration. I had already put it through rigorous… “rigorous” testing myself, so I had no problems firing it like an actual rifle.

I had a mason jar full of powder and a decent handful of big, heavy balls to use.

Wait. What?

We were just in her back garden- I was just gonna fire into a nearby berm for tonight's demonstration.

“So loading it is simple.” I said, using a beaker to measure out a close enough amount of powder then poured it down the barrel. “After that you take a wad of paper and shove it down, followed by a lead ball.” The ball was just a hair larger than the barrel itself, to make sure it had a good gas seal so there would be plenty of energy behind that ball.

“Then you wanna tamp it down.” I used a long dowel rod to do exactly that, then set it off to the side. “Normally you’d use a matchcord for this next step…” but I couldn’t be bothered to go back inside to get it, so I just stuck a lit cigarette where the matchcord would go- but not before taking a decent drag myself. I grabbed a pinch of powder and sprinkled it into the pan.

“This is gonna get loud.” I took aim towards the berm.

BANG!

I smiled as I felt the recoil of the gun in my hands. The smell of sulfur hung thick in the air and my ears had a hollow-ness from the percussion, along with a faint ringing. I damn near moaned in ecstasy.

“Ohhh, tinnitus my beloved. How I’ve missed you so.” I looked over to see her with her hooves clamped over her ears and her eyes shut.

“That was loud!” she yelled at me, and I laughed.

“Fuck yeah it was!” shit, the whole town probably heard that one. “Imagine that noise going off 1200 times in a minute!” God, I miss my MAC-11; truly, it was a weapon only suited for combat in a phone booth… but fuck me, it was fun.

“I can’t imagine…” she said, almost looking nervous. “Are… are you sure it’s a good idea to… to bring this technology into our world?” I just shrugged.

“Eh, Pandora’s box is open now. And besides- to get to that point is another 100 years or so of firearms development and evolution. I mean, shit- I don’t even know how to make proper fulminates, so percussion caps aren’t even on the table.” She bit her lip and shrugged.

“Eh, it is what it is.” I smiled.

“That’s the spirit!” I went in for a quick kiss before handing my gun off to her butler for cleaning. “Just to clarify… you’ve memorized that list of possible questions and answers I gave you?” She just rolled her eyes at me.

“Yes, I did. I think we’ll do good tomorrow.” I gave her one last goodbye kiss before I headed home- It was getting late and I promised Mamma I would spend time with her tonight, after all.

---

When I got there, Mamma was just sitting on the couch, listening to the radio and reading a book- which she closed upon seeing me.

Wordlessly, I sat on the couch and leaned into her side as she put a wing around my back. I always loved it when she did that- it made me feel safe like nothing else could, even though I’m a little taller than her. Even if I was armed to the teeth, something about Mamma just… made the worlds troubles fuck off for a bit.

“What’s wrong, baby?” she asked me- apparently she saw my facial expression. I sighed.

“It’s just… I’m worried. About tomorrow… about the future… What if no one’s interested in our project?” She just smiled and wrapped her arms around me.

“Sweetie, that girl of yours could sell milk to a cow. You’ll both be fine.” I made no attempts to hide the subject of our project- but I never told her what I was gonna use it for in the long term. We both just sat there in silence for a little while.

“That project of yours… it’s not for hunting, is it?” My eyes shot open and I began to stutter.

“W-well, I-”

“Baby, I’ve known you your whole life. I know damn well you’re not designing an entirely new class of weapon just to hunt squirrels with.” I looked away- I couldn’t bear to face her.

“Baby, look at me. Please.” My beak trembled as I did- and to my surprise, she was smiling. A weary, world-worn smile, but still a smile. “I don’t know what plans you have for the future… and I know damn well I couldn’t stop you if I wanted to, but…” She sniffled.

“I just want you to be safe. Just… Whatever you do, make sure to think long and hard about it.” Tears began to well in her eyes. “I don’t want you rushing in headlong without a plan first.” My beak trembled as I spoke.

“I… I never told you my plans.” And she smirked.

“And I don’t think I want to know, either. But just remember… if you ever think you’re in too deep… It’s never too late to quit.” I just gave her a wavy smile.

“I will, Mamma.” After a few moments she spoke up.

“Let’s head to bed, baby.” I was… a little bummed out. I was enjoying being held by her, really. I trailed up the stairs behind her and turned to go in my room, when-

“And just where are you going?” I just blinked at her, confused.

“I… I’m going to bed?” She rolled her eyes and gestured for me to follow her. I was… okay with that.

“I just wanna hold you… just for tonight, at least.” I smiled and sniffled.

I laid flat on her bed and she put her wing around my back- just like when I was little. It was… hard, trying to not cry tears of joy and nostalgia.

Then she started to sing- and I couldn’t hold back anymore, letting the tears flow softly into the pillow.

You are my sunshine… my only sunshine.
You make me happy… when skies are gray.
You’ll never know, dear, how much I love you.
Please don’t take… my sunshine away.

I just sniffled, barely able to stutter out- “I… I l-love you, Mamma.”

“I love you too, baby. More than the world or anything else.”

As I lay there… I couldn’t help but think about how much I really had in this life, compared to my last. I had a best friend turned lover… I had the chance to get into a good college and further my education, able to become whoever I wanted to be. I had a mother who loved me more than anything else…

I had so much to lose now, but at the same time… I felt an obligation, if nothing else, to step up to the plate- as it were. I felt with my knowledge and strength, I’d easily be able to win the upcoming battle… but…

Baby steps, I guess.

But no matter what happens, no matter what may go wrong… I’m not gonna force Mamma to bury my corpse.

I’ll tell you that for fucking free.

---

The next day, Mamma sent me off with a smile and words of encouragement. I even had a fancy new outfit to wear, courtesy of Miss Rarity.

I was wearing a black frock coat with a capelet and a tall collar, covered in beautiful gold floral designs around the edges and seams. The bottom of the coat had a split in it, making flight easy yet still covering my wings. To top the look off, I was wearing a black, wide brimmed hat with a rounded top and a rose sticking out of it.

I sort of looked like a pirate captain- and I fucking loved the look.

Dee, however, went for a much lighter design. Her dress was a real soft, pretty pink and covered in light blue floral designs which matched her eyes wonderfully. She had a blood red ruffled necktie and she was wearing her namesake on her head.

I honestly loved how we looked standing next to each other- it represented the dichotomy between us perfectly; Dee being the more outgoing and overt one- Whereas my outfit was more subtle and dark in nature. But yet, the red ruffle she was wearing was also a fantastic representation of her more… subtle dark side.

Her butler wheeled a cart behind him with all the supplies we’d need- namely, cinder blocks, powder, balls, and most importantly- the gun.

I brought my crossbow for a sort of… comparison. You’ll see.

All the presentations would be held outside of the school- all over the place were tri-fold boards on card tables detailing the various projects and experiments the others worked on, all flashy and loud to attract as much attention as possible.

We wouldn’t need any of that.

Our setup was simple. Dee had a soapbox to stand on. We had two card tables- one which held a bowl of gunpowder and the other one, which would have a couple cinder blocks on top of it.

We set the target table up a good 30 meters away or so- on the outskirts of the area where a stray bullet was unlikely to clap someone’s cheeks.

That would make for a good demonstration, though- but I’d rather not kill anyone today. I feel like it would hurt our chances of getting into a good college a little.

And of course- we had the Mark 1.

We had about five minutes until the various representatives would start wandering around, asking questions about whatever caught their eye. Even Princess Autism would be there. I loaded the piece and used a cigarette lighter to light the matchcord.

We gave it about ten minutes- that should give everyone enough time to arrive and start wandering. Heck, I even saw a couple griffons around. Once we were ready, I gave Dee a kiss on the cheek.

“Knock ‘em dead, baby.” She stood atop her soapbox and I took aim at a nearby berm.

BANG!

And just like that, the sound of idle chit-chat stopped instantly- and we had their attention.

“Mares and Gentlecolts! We bring you- the future!” The chit-chat started up and everyone started making their way towards us. “If we could have your attention, we’ll show you exactly what that noise was- and exactly why it’s so wonderful!

I began the process of reloading as she continued. “Using a special formula developed by the two of us-” I poured the powder into the barrel, followed by a wad and a ball. “This device is capable of firing a lead ball at such high speed and trajectory, it can punch through even concrete!” There were murmurs from the crowd and looks of skepticism. I just rammed the ball into the barrel and filled the pan with a pinch of powder, closing the cover and setting the gun to the side.

“I know it sounds difficult to believe… so let us show you!” I grabbed my crossbow and took aim. “My partner brought in her crossbow to compare. It’s not a cheap one, either- it’s one that was, and still is, used by the Griffonian army!” I didn’t even look at the crowd, taking aim at one of the cinder blocks.

As expected, the arrow bounced off without doing a whole lot of damage.

It also helps that I dulled the tip, just in case.

I then grabbed my gun and took aim at a different cinder block.

“You may want to cover your ears.” I blew on the matchcord to get it nice and hot and uncovered the flash pan.

BANG!

Just as I expected, the bullet, which I put an extra strong charge behind, easily penetrated the cinder block, causing the top half to shatter into dust. The crowd looked on in excitement, not even minding the smell of rotten eggs which hung thick into the air.

“There you have it, folks! Imagine what it’d do to steel? Versatile, quick to load, powerful! What more could you ever want?” the crowd was murmuring amongst themselves.

“We’ll be taking any questions you might have!” several people spoke up at once- but were then silenced as Twilight made her way through the crowd. She walked up to me, perhaps trying to intimidate- but I was just a little taller than her.

“This device…” she looked stern. “What did you say it was for?” I just smirked at her.

“Hunting.” After a few seconds, she asked,

“Hunting… what, exactly?” My smile grew wider.

“Beasts.” she looked like she was about to ask another, but Dee spoke up.

“We’ll be taking questions all day! Don’t be shy, now!” and the crowd once again started in an uproar. Twilight glared at me.

I just shrugged.

Needless to say- we stole the spotlight off of everyone that day. It was… pretty fucking awesome.

Nothing more beautiful than the sound of Pandora's box opening, no? And I wonder what Twilight's deal is? Who knows?

I feel like it's important to mention that I don't condone the act of making your own firearms, even if it is based. Leona's a professional, after all- and it's just a story as well. Things only blow up in people's faces when I want them to :P

As always, thank you for reading! Likes and comments are encouraged and appreciated greatly :3