"Peasant scum." Prince Blueblood said, spitting in some random homeless ponies face for no reason other than his own personal enjoyment. It was good being royalty. Being able to get away with anything. Not have any responsibilities other than making other feel bad.

"Ahhh... life is-"

"BEEP BEEP FAGGOT!" someone screeched. As the prince glanced around for the source of the shouting, he was knocked to the ground by a large, bi-pedal creature in a red suit. On his chest was a symbol of a spider. It was fucking 60's Era Spiderman. What a pleb.

"HOW DARE YOU!? DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?!" Blueblood demanded.

"A faggot." Spiderman answered.

"THAT'S IT, I CHALLENGE YOU TO A DUEL!"

"Please, for the love of God, stop being a faggot." our hero begged.

The princes eye twitched, before he unsheathed his sword and lunged towards our hero. Spiderman just stood there, not giving a fuck as Blueblood quickly closed the distance between the two and swung.

"IT'S TIME TO D-D-D-D-D-DUEL!"

Our hero grabbed the sword's blade midair and squeezed, causing it to shatter due to our hero's unmatched strength.

As the noble stared up at our hero in shock, mouth agape, our hero picked him up by the tail and brought the nobles face up to his. "My turn lawl." our hero said.

Spiderman threw the noble to the ground, grabbed his tail, and started the drag him towards the palace. Everypony in Canterlot watched our hero dragged the prince, who was begging for mercy, throughout the city. He passed by the guards manning the palace's entrance and waved cheerfully to them.

"HELP ME YOU MORONS!" Blueblood shouted at the guards.

"Should we do something?" the younger one asked his senior.

"Nah. Whatever Spiderman does to that prick, he probably deserves."

"Oorah."

Our hero continued through the palace, the staff and guards looking on as Spiderman dragged him up to the highest point of the palace, Luna's observatory. Nopony wants to do anything, because of how much of a douche Blueblood was. A few ever cheered our hero on.

"Hay Luna." our hero greeted as he kicked down the door of the observatory and dragged the prince in behind him.

"SPIDERMAN?! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" Luna demanded.

"Lawl I dunno." he answered, dragging Blueblood out to the balcony. He let the stallion go momentarily, allowing the prince to attempt to escape. However, before he could move an inch, the hero grabbed him his neck and held him over the edge.

"You sorry?" our hero asked.

"YES! YES! I'M SORRY! I'LL CHANGE MY WAYS! I'LL BECOME A PONIES PRINCE! HAVE MERCY!"

"Implying I give a fuck." our hero said, pulling a grenade from his utility belt and shoving it down the nobles throat, then tossing him up in the air and kicking him in his testicles as hard as he could, sending the prince flying. Seconds later, the grenade detonated inside of him, and Blueblood's blood and guts rained down on the ponies below.

Everypony in Canterlot cheered for our hero.

Our hero turned around, and ran straight into the empress of the night.

"Spiderman, are you crazy?" the empress asked.

"Bitch, I might be."

"You should knock first. Even mares got to clop every so often."

Our hero made a clicking noise with his mouth. "Niiiiiiice~"

"Well, while you're here, Spidey, would you like to play some Halo?" Luna asked.

"Fuck yeah. Let's do this shit."

"FUCK YOU! YOU FUCKING ROCKET WHORE!"

Luna's Spartan fell to the ground after being consumed by a rocket's fiery explosion.

"Get wrecked." Spiderman commented, his Spartan running up to the fallen empresses Spartan's corpse and t-bagging the shit out of her.

"Woah! Is that a chick?!" someone asked.

"Yeah, and she has a bigger dick than you." Luna answered as she ran forward and grabbed the spartan laser.

"IMA CHARGIN MY LASER!" she explained as she unleashed the spartan lasers high powered laser beam on a helpless mongoose, scoring a double kill.

Suddenly, the xbox, TV, and all the lights went off.

"Oh fuck."

"Lolwut."

"Power outage."

"Oh..." Spiderman said, "well this sucks."

Before Luna could do anything, Spiderman chucked the controller at the wall and turned to her. "LET'S GO FAST!"

"W-WHAT?!"

"GOTTA GO FAST!" our hero exclaimed, activating his superspeed and jumping out the window.

Later that morning, our hero found himself in the Sweet Apple Acres. He didn't know how he got there, he just ended up there. Randomly. Fucking writers.

"Howdy Spidey, haven't seen you in a while." Applejack greeted as she approached our hero. The two bumped their fists and hooves together in a display of camaraderie, before exchanging a quick hug. After this, Applejack handed our hero a blunt and lit it for him.

"I've been out chasing da booty. Lawl. Sorry." our hero said as he took a long drag of his joint, held it in for a bit, then let it all out.

"...what? Mah booty not good enough for ya, Spidey?" Applejack asked, playfully flashing our hero her well toned behind.

UNF! LOOK AT DAT BOOTY! SHOW ME DA BOOTY! GIMME DA BOOTY! I WANT DA BOOTY! BACK UP DA BOOTY! I NEED DA BOOTY! I LIKE DA BOOTY! AH, WHAT A BOOTY! I CRAVE DA BOOTY!

"Spiderman...? Is there something wrong, sugarcube?"

"Sorry, booty moment. Lawl." our hero responded.

"SPIDERMAN!" a familiar voice called out.

Our hero and Applejack turned towards the source of the voice to spot a certain bootilicious teacher running towards them. They say that Spidermans pants grew three sizes that moment.

"Unf." was all our hero could get out.

The teacher screeched to a halt in front of the two, out of breath from her run. After taking a few moments to regain her composure, she put on a big smile and cleared her throat. "Spiderman, I request your assistance."

"Ballin'."

"Well... not really... the kids just really want to see you again. Would you mind doing something fun with them?"

"Only if I can bring my homie Applejack."

"Yay! Ah can be in something for once!" Applejack exclaimed happily, jumping for joy.

"Lawl. Poor background pony."

"Sure, she can come along. See you two after lunch." Cheerilee said, walking away from the two and giving a hero a good view of her booty.

UNF! DAT ASS!

"Shall we, Spiderman?" Applejack asked.

"Lawl k."

The lunch bell was just ringing as our hero and his orange country mare companion entered. The children rushed in past them, a few sending cheerful greetings to Spiderman. As usual, Applejack didn't get any love, much to her disappointment.

Being Applejack is suffering.

A few minutes later, the two found themselves outside Cheerilee's classroom.

"You ready?" our hero asked.

"Yeah."

"Remember, no Russian."

"W-what?"

Our hero produced a handgun out of fucking no where. "LET'S DO THIS SHIT!"

"SPIDERMAN WHAT THE FUCK?!" Applejack exclaimed.

Spiderman kicked open the classroom door, waving his gun around. Cheerilee's mouth dropped in shock as the kids screamed in fear.

"LEROOOOOOOOOOOOY JENKIIIIIIIIIIINS!" he exclaimed as he pulled the trigger and an endless stream of water squirted out. He continued to wave it around, get all of the kids wet and completely drenching that diamond tiara wearing bitch.

"BY THE EMPRESS!" Cheerilee exclaimed in shock, "Spiderman, I thought you snapped or something... you gave me quite the scare."

She pouted at our hero in an unbelievably cute manner, almost giving our hero a heart attack.

"Lawl sorry." Spiderman apologized, before turning to the kids, "HEY KIDS!"

"Hey Spiderman!" the kids responded.

"Today, we're going to watch a little video. And me and my friend Applejack are going to provide commentary. Sound good!?"

"YEAH!" the kids responded.

"Bitchin'. Lawl. Applejack, put that shit in and play it."

The orange farm pony nodded, taking the tape and stuffing it into the nearby VCR. Our hero swore he heard the VCR moan upon insertion, but realized that was absurd.

A beautiful piano melody began to play as the video started up, revealing two qt 3.14s making out with each other.

Our hero made a clicking sound. "Niiiiiiiiiiice~"

Applejack lit a blunt and began blazing it, watching the video progress.

"Oh boy! Here it comes! Lawl." our hero exclaimed.

One of the girls squatted over a cup, and a long stream of shit fell out of her asshole, filling the cup to the brim.

"EEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!" the kids exclaimed.

"That's bigger than anything I could shit. Lawl."

"I once took a shit so big that it filled the entire toilet, I SHIT YOU NOT!" Applejack said.

"Awesome. Lawl."

The video continued, the girl who took a shit in the cup picking up the cup and down the entire thing of shit. She then leaned towards to the other girl and pushed the shit into her mouth.

"DEAR LUNA WHAT THE FUCK?!" Sweetie Belle exclaimed.

"Lawl this is hot." our hero said, rubbing at his groin.

"Spiderman, what are you doing?" Applejack asked.

"Not so sneaky wank lawl."

After several minutes of shit swapping, the video ended, and our hero turned towards the class.

"WHO WANTS CHOCOLATE ICE CREAM?!" he asked.

In unison, the children vomited.

CHOOSE YOUR PATH, WARRIOR!

()There’s a new mall. Let’s go exploring with Rarity and your pet raptor (RARITY TIER TWO UNLOCKED)

()Fight in a gladiator tournament with Ms. Cheerilee

()Go out clubbing with the talking velociraptor gentleman and Lyra (UNLOCKED AGAIN IN FIVE CHAPTERS)

()Go chill with Discord and his bitch

()Go to the new bar in town with Twilight and get drunk

()Bake with Pinkie Pie. Acquire money and pot brownies

()Smoke weed with Luna then play some Haylo with her

()Smoke weed with Applejack and help her take down some rival dealers

()Play video games with Spike

()Teach Fluffles the meaning of friendship

()Teach Fluttershy how to french kiss THEN GET FRIENDZONED BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T DO THIS FIRST

()Volunteer at a cripple pony school with Fluttershy and attempt to score

()Take the CMC and Luna skydiving. What could possibly go wrong?

Author's Notes:

Note: I never actually watched 2 girls 1 cup. My apologies if I fucked up.