*RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIP*

"OH SHIT!" Spiderman exclaimed.

"I see London, I see Prance, I see Spiderman's floppy and limp cock~" Fluttershy sang.

"Lawl." Upon making his way out the front door, our hero got his spidey suit caught in the door. Due to inferior Chinese stitching and years upon years of misuse, his suit ripped apart, revealing his massive cock to the world.

"Spiderman, I do not believe it's wise to go out like that." Fluffles advised.

"I don't give a fuck lawl." he said as he continued on, his Spidey suit continuing to fall apart until only his mask remained. As he made his way into town, there were gasps of shock and cries of terror.

"My word! It's huge!" one mare exclaimed.

"Mommy, there's a giant snake between his legs!" an innocent filly said.

"That ain't no snake." a zigger exclaimed.

"Who said you could talk to ponies, boy?" one of Applejack's cousins asked.

As the ponies in the immediate area turned their attention to the zebra, our hero quickly moved on. Eventually, he found himself outside of Rarity's boutique. He quickly walked up to the door and slammed on the door.

"Coming~" Rarity's voice sang from inside. Our hero heard the clippity-clop of Rarity's hoofsteps as she approached the front door. He heard several locks get unlocked before the door lurched open, revealing an alabaster unicorn.

"Hello Spide- MY WORD IT'S BIGGER THAN BIG MAC'S DICK!" she exclaimed in shock upon noticing Spiderman's enormous Spidey dick hanging limply in between his legs.

"Lawl hi." our hero greeted.

"GET IN HERE!" she ordered.

"Lawl k." he said, walking inside of the boutique. The alabaster unicorn slammed the door behind him.

"What happened?! Where's your Spidey suit?!" Rarity demanded.

"I like to feel the breeze between my knees!" our hero exclaimed, striking a pose.

"Indeed... shall we begin?"

"Lawl k."

Rarity waved to the hero to follow her as she walked upstairs.

Instead, our hero ran back outside and swooced through the upstairs window, which was open much to his dismay.

"You certainly know how to make an entrance, Spiderman." Rarity commented, picking up our hero and a ruler with her telekenesis.

"I know lawl." he said as Rarity placed him on a stand and carefully did his measurements. After writing down his measurements in a nearby notepad, she made her way over to the drawing table.

"Spiderman, I'll be a couple hours. Why don't you go find something to make yourself useful?" Rarity asked.

"No. Fuck you." our hero said, as he starting to make his way out of the room.

"Wait!" the unicorn shouted.

Before our hero could tell her to fuck off, he felt something soft and warm get wrapped around his body. He looked down and found that a robe had been wrapped around him.

"My little sister is out there. While I do not mind at all watching you strut around here naked, I don't want to expose her to such things." Rarity explained.

"Lawl I don't give a flying fuck." our hero said, opening his robe and exposing his manhood to Rarity, before closing it and skipping out of the room.

Downstairs, our hero spotted a newly awaken filly munching on a bowl of cereal. She was just as white as Rarity, and had a curly purple and pink mane, as well as a tail to match.

"Om nom nom." she said as she ate her cereal like a dog.

"Aye girl." Spiderman greeted.

The filly damn near choked on her cereal. "S-Spiderman?" she managed to get out, her jaw dropping in shock.

"Lawl hi." our hero said, taking a seat beside the filly.

"W-what are y-you doing here?"

"Lawl I dunno." he answered.

"Oh..."

Sweetie Belle went back to eating her cereal, though she would occasionally peak back up at our hero like a curious puppy. Let's just hope curiosity doesn't kill the dog this time around.

Wait, that's not-

"Hey Spiderman?" Sweetie Belle asked as she finished off her cereal.

"Yo."

"Do you want to play with me...?" she asked, giving our hero some major puppy eyes.

"HNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNG!" Spiderman exclaimed, clutching his heart as he fell out of his chair, rolling around on the floor like a fucking idiot, pretending to have a heart attack.

"SPIDERMAN?!" she exclaimed in shock.

Our hero rose off the ground. "K. What did you have in mind? Lawl."

"...wanna play some Haylo 2?"

Haylo 2... the imported name for Halo 2. Kickass.

"Fuck yeah."

After several hours of playing split screen co-op and slayer with Sweetie Belle, Rarity descended the staircase and stood in front of the TV, looking full of herself like she accomplished something.

That bitch.

"DOWN IN FRONT!" Spiderman exclaimed.

"Spiderman, the game can wait, your new suit is ready." Rarity said.

"Bitchin'. Lawl." our hero said.

Sweetie Belle paused the game as our hero rose off the couch they had been sitting on and followed the alabaster unicorn upstairs. The small unicorn filly watched the superhero go, then unpaused the game once he disappeared from sight, killing Spidey's AFK character over and over again.

"You snooze you lose." the filly commented, t-bagging our hero's character.

Meanwhile, upstairs, Rarity skipped her way over to something draped in a white sheet.

"Are you ready to see perfection, Spiderman?" Rarity asked.

"No."

"..."

"..."

"...now?"

"Nope. Lawl."

"How about no."

"Nah."

"NOW?!"

"Lawl k."

Rarity rolled her eyes and activated her horn, lifting the sheet up and revealing the Spidey Suit 2.0 that was hidden underneath.

"Behold! The fruits of my labor."

"Looks different." our hero commented.

"Indeed it does. That's because it's what is known of a nanosuit. It's a little something I crafted with the help of magic, hard work, and a pinch of stolen alien technology."

"Bitchin'."

"This suit will increase your strength and speed by at least two hundred and fifty percent. It has the ability to withstand anything from a simple punch to multiple impacts from a rocket launcher. It has a built in AI that will help you in everything from everyday tasks to heated combat. It will also overtime enhance your penis size up to one hundred and twenty five percent, perfect for oppressing feminists by beating them down to ground for their own stupidity."

"Lawl."

"Now, as for your new mask. Your new mask is crafted with the same material as your suit, though it is much lighter to allow for ventilation and easy removal. It has infrared, night, and x-ray vision, as well as the most advanced translation software available to ponykind. It also has the ability to form any drink you desire from the moisture in the air and serve it to your through a small, extendable straw built into the mask."

"Kickass lawl."

"Oh! And one more thing. I was able to recreate the scents of that Old Spice body wash you gave me and enchanted it so it could smell like Old Spice permanently. You can change what type of Old Spice it will smell like at will."

Our hero's mind turned to Black Jesus's robe, which had the exact same enchantment.

He was going to be so fucking jealous.

A single tear rolled down our hero's cheek, caused by the sheer beauty of the Spidey Suit 2.0. "By the Spice..."

That afternoon in Ponyville was so tranquil, so peaceful. Everypony was out playing and having fun. Birds sang and chirped happily as they flew around. Ponyville's gangs got together and chilled instead of blasting each other like usual. The unicorns sipped tea with party liquor drinking zebras.

Nothing could ruin-

"GOTTA GO FAST!"

Out of nowhere came 60's Era Spiderman, suited up in his nanosuit as he charged through the Ponyville downtown at speeds of sixty nine miles per hour.

As two rival gangs initiated a gang truce, our hero trampled over a hugging pair of rival gang members.

"Oh shit. Lawl."

"Yo homie, what the fuck you think you're doing?!" a gang member demanded, pulling out his handgun and aiming it at the nanosuit wearing hero. The two nearby gangs followed his example.

"Lawl I dunno."

"KILL THIS MOTHER FUCKER."

As the gangs opened fire, our hero activated his suit's armor mode. The suit easily absorbed the hail of bullets sent his way.

Soon, the bullets stopped coming, as the gangbangers ran out of ammo.

"My turn lawl."

Our hero produced a handful grenades, activated them, and threw them in all directions.

"GOTTA GO FAST!" he declared as he sprinted out of there at top speeds, moments before the grenades detonated and wiped out the two gangs.

"Top lel." our hero commented.

CHOOSE YOUR PATH, SUPERHERO!

()Fight in a gladiator tournament with Ms. Cheerilee

()Show Two Girls, One Cup to the school children and provide commentary with the help of Applejack

()...go on an awkward date with Rainbow Dash(RAINBOW DASH TIER FOUR UNLOCKED)

()Go out clubbing with the talking velociraptor gentleman and Lyra (UNLOCKED AGAIN IN FOUR CHAPTERS)

()Go chill with Discord and his bitch

()Go to the new bar in town with Twilight and get drunk

()Bake with Pinkie Pie. Acquire money and pot brownies

()Smoke weed with Luna then play some Haylo with her

()Smoke weed with Applejack and help her take down some rival dealers

()Play video games with Spike

()Teach Fluffles the meaning of friendship

()Teach Fluttershy how to french kiss THEN GET FRIENDZONED BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T DO THIS FIRST

()Volunteer at a cripple pony school with Fluttershy and attempt to score

()Take the CMC and Luna skydiving. What could possibly go wrong?