A Pain in the Knee

After a brief five minutes, I noticed Spike come downstairs to the library lobby, head slightly down turned. When he reached the foot of the couch he quickly stated, though in a manner clearly not forced. "I'm sorry I over-reacted about what I heard its just, well, Twilight gave me ... 'The Talk' a few months ago and it was ..." He stopped, not so much from embarrassment as mere want for a proper term "vivid, I hadn't wanted to visualize."

"If it makes you feel any better I think you handled it quite well, when kids hear about that kind of ... stuff, they make as if their brain is going to leak out their ears." I responded.

"Ha! that sounds like a vivid image itself!" Spike laughed. "So, you ready to head for Rarity's for clothing measurements?"

"Indeed." I affirmed. "Thought I am concerned, none of the other ponies have seen me, I don't want to cause a panic."

"Don't worry about it, once they see you with me, they'll know Twilight is cool with you, and then it'll all be fine." He responded, smug that he was a proxy of such an admired mare.

"Well then, if that is the case," I said, heading for the door. "lead the way." I finished as I opened the door, stepping over the threshold and keeping the door open for Spike.

"Thanks!" He said, passing by me and heading down the road with me in tow.

A few minutes passed with a few gasps and stares directed at us, but no screams, stampedes, or impromptu pitchfork sharpening. Spike glanced over his shoulder and, looking past me, began squinting his eyes.

"What are you looking at?" I asked.

"That pony has been the same distance behind us every time I look back." He said. At this I turned back to look myself I noticed none other than Doctor Whooves, with a set of saddle bags hanging from his sides. I beckoned with my hand for him to come over and he trotted to our side, soon matching our pace.

"Good morning Doctor, how are you?" I asked, glad to see that Celestia's agent hadn't attempted to appear unaffiliated with me.

"Oh quite well thank you." He inclined his head to Spike. "I don't believe we've been formally introduced, I'm Doctor Whooves, I brought Edmund here to Ponyville, and I'm making sure he integrates into town without problems."

"The name's Spike, pleasure to meetcha." The dragon stated, extending a claw to the Doctor.

"So where are you headed? Not that I mean to be nosy, but well, its my job to make sure nothing bad happens to you." Doctor Whooves said to me.

"We're headed for Carousel Boutique, I'm getting fitted for some new clothes. After that I'm going to Applejack's farm to see if I can help her." I replied.

"Really, that should be interesting to watch, what with your unconventional shape and size." Doctor Whooves

"And we're here!" Exclaimed Spike as he rapped on the door with an enclosed fist.

"Cooooommmiiiing!" Came a sing-song voice of Rarity as the door became enveloped in a pale aura, opening to reveal the interior. "Come in! And welcome to Carousel Boutique, home of fashions chic, uni- oh, hello Spike, Edmund aaand." Rarity paused, the sweeping motion of her hoof halting to gesture towards Doctor Whooves.

"He is Doctor Whooves." I stated. "He was so kind as to guide me to Ponyville when I finally awoke in Canterlot."

"Hi!" Doctor Whooves chirped, waving a forehoof at the ivory mare. "I ... uh, just wanted to see that everything was going well. With the measurements that is. I'll just take a seat."

"So Rarity, is Sweetie Belle around?"

"Oh yes, she's upstairs, I was planning to send her off to Applejack's with you, I wanted some peace and quiet while I worked on Edmund's clothes, and with Edmund helping Applejack on the farm, I'm sure that Applebloom will be able to spend time with her."

"That sounds like a great plan! I'll go get her." Spike said jogging up the stairs.

"Now, for measuring." Rarity said curtly, levitating measuring tape beside her.

As Rarity began to measure my waist, I heard hoof steps coming down the stairs at a rate that could not have been safe. This was followed by a filly unicorn, coat white as Rarity's with a mane of pink, white and purple. Her eyes were squinting from the huge grin on her face as she yelled "Cutie Mark Crusader diplomats!". The exuberance of her face changed as she noticed she was on a collision course with my legs. Had her footing been true, she might have skidded to halt, this was not the case however as she stepped on a bolt of fabric, and she slid, horn first, into my leg. It was at this point I was immensely glad unicorns did not have horns as sharp as alicorns, for the contact did not result in an immediate skewering of my leg, but a buckling, causing me to fall over in a heap, my arm banging against a sewing machine.

"Ow." Was my only response, it was nothing akin to taking a bullet through the neck, but it was none the less discomforting.

"Woah are you alright?" Spike said as he walked over to beside my head.

"I used to be bipedal like you, then I took a unicorn to the knee." I chuckled, the joke was hopelessly unoriginal, but immensely appropriate, as the point of contact had in fact been been my right knee.

"I'm sorry mister, when I heard there was an alien down in the shop I thought I could get my Cutie Mark in inter-governmental relations." Sweetie Belle piped up, now standing up, I was thoroughly impressed at how she didn't stumble over her words. She gasped, and glancing at her flank, groaned out at seeing it still an empty slate.

"Well, you may not be one for politics, but you may have potential as a Rugby player." I chuckled, rising to my feet, tentatively placing weight on my smarting leg.

"No, we already tried that." Sweetie Belle sighed.

Before I could offer encouragement, the sewing machine next to Rarity began making a valiant effort to sew together spare molecules of oxygen, making a racket.

"Oh dear! Umm..." Rarity's horn began to glow as she attempted to flip the power switch, when this failed Rarity began stomping her hooves hooves and squealing as the delicate piece of equipment began bending the needle and a horrid ratcheting noise began sounding from the appliance.

"Hang on!" Doctor Whooves exclaimed, pulling out a screwdriver from his saddlebags, and chomping down on it, sent a blue pulse into the machine, which immediately shut off.

"Oh thank Celestia and thank you Doctor Whooves, I was worried I was going to have to replace a sewing machine again!" Rarity gasped, removing the bent needle and setting a replacement with delicate manipulations of her horn.

"It was no trouble at all." Doctor Whooves said as he set the device into his saddle bag once more.

"Whew, glad that's over, hey Doctor Whooves, can you show Edmund the way to Sweet Apple Acres once the measuring is done? I wanna go there with Sweetie Belle right away." Spike pondered.

"Certainly." The Doctor replied. With that Sweetie Belle began following Spike to the door when she turned back to me.

"Sorry again for hurting your leg." The white filly turned and trotted out the door.

The measuring commenced in earnest, with Doctor Whooves looking on, or rather, looking at Rarity as she plied her craft. She was fully engrossed and did not notice. But I had, and gave the Doctor a knowing grin when his eyes chanced upon mine, causing his head to turn to the door while the last measurements were made.

"And... done!" Rarity exclaimed. "Now, I should have the clothes ready in a few days, they'll be something durable, but fashionable, good to work in or have a casual visit. Now where did I put the denim and cotton?" Rarity began to wander to a closet as various cloths floated around her as I offered thanks, and stepped outside with Doctor Whooves.

"So, fancy the colour purple eh?" I chuckled, now eager to hear the Doctor account for his wandering eyes.

"Oh umm, well, you see, it's like, you know, she's just, how do I?"

"Explain it? With words, preferably with complete sentences." I said, choosing a sentence to complete and offer a solution.

The Doctor breathed. "She's a very talented mare, and, you wouldn't guess it from a fashion designer but she has a certain ..."

"Charm, allure, approachability, fire, spiritedness?" I offered.

"Yes, the last one, you hear about what she did to Prince Blueblood at the Gala and you can't help but admire her ..."

"Guts and bravery to let others know when she feels she's been slighted?" I offered, having heard of the Elements rather hectic Gala appearance from the Doctor during the train ride to Ponyville.

"Yes, and could you stop that?"

"What?"

"Finishing other ponies -"

"Sentences." It wasn't a question this time the conversation was something I was intimately familiar with, yet for the life of me I could not stop. The amusement gained, if not the time saved, of cutting through other's thoughts and getting to the crux of any situation was something I prided myself on.

"Yes! Exactly, I want you to stop finishing my sentences and let me figure out what I am feeling at my own rate!" He said, not with any anger, only speed so as to ensure I did not repeat the offence.

"Very well, but if you think I'll drop the matter entirely you'll be sorely disappointed."

"Now, as I was saying, Rarity, she's got a ... fire, she knows what's right and she makes others know it. Me, I always try and talk things out, use my mind to solve the issue, but sometimes you just have to go out there and make something clear." When he finished, I nodded.

"Well, it sounds to me like you should make what you're feeling clear to her." I said. "Know that I am here to help."

"Thanks, but I have to ask, why are you offering help like this, I've only known you for a day, and I'm your ..."

"Parole officer?" I offered, now willing to risk reneging on my word to not finish sentences. "Because, I'd like to see people improve themselves, and if that means giving relationship advice, so be it. Also, I'd like to be your friend."

"That's odd." Doctor Whooves said. "I'd have thought you would say the friend thing first."

"If I conveyed that the befriending would occur only after the helping, I'm sorry."

"For what?" He asked.

"Well, that's what friends do right help each other?"

"Yes."

"So I'm sorry that I gave the impression that I could help you without being your friend, that would be rather boastful of me if I did." I answered.

"Hm. Ah! Here we are, Sweet Apple Acres!" Doctor Whooves affirmed. We proceeded to search for Applejack, to see how I could help her.

****

Trixie awoke with a start, having heard something stirring nearby. When she looked about she saw nothing she turned her gaze back to the ground, the neatly chewed grass all around her testament to her failing. She had stooped to the lowest a unicorn of Stalliongrad could, she had eaten raw, unrefined grass off the ground. MULE! Doubt clawed at her stomach where hunger once reigned. Trixie turned her head to the tree, trying to dislodge the thoughts clouding her mind. "The Great and Powerful Trixie is always resourceful, and will, find a way." She stated to herself. The loan apple tree still bore enticing fruit and with a tentative pull of magic, Trixie smiled as she noted she had regained enough energy to perform magic once more. As she had her fill of apples. Trixie set her cape on the ground. Yes, cast off your vestments, become the pathetic chattel that you are. Doubt interceded. Pushing through, Trixie placed several apples on the cape and tied the corners to form a bag. Lifting it with her magic, Trixie placed it on her back, balancing the package so it would remain secure as she walked. Beast of Burden. Echoed Doubt, he was grating against Trixie now as she began down the path.

"The Great and .... I am not a beast of burden, I just realized the impracticality of Stalliongrad ethics." Trixie said aloud. Oh, so its about practicality now is it? What about making yourself better than others, or do you realize that you're worthless? "I..." Trixie stammered. When will you realize you're not worth even this? Go ahead and end it, there's a cliff to your left now. Trixie gasped, she had not thought like that for years now, she glanced to her left and sure enough the ground had dropped off to a sheer drop twenty feet from where she was walking. She snapped her head back to stare straight ahead. "No, I am not better than others, or worse than others, I'm their ... equal." But look at your Cutie Mark, wind noise and light, images, imagined things, that's all you're good for. "Trixie is different yes, but that is what makes her important, ... I am able to do things other's cant, just as they can do things that I can't." Trixie was trying hard to correct her manner of speech, she had talked like that for years, isolating herself from others, setting herself above them. She was now finally realizing that it wasn't what one ate, whether one could perform magic or fly, that made one of value. She just did not know what it was, but she did know it was not the self-obsession she had been preening over the years, how could it, it had nearly destroyed her. What kind of virtue was it that dashed oneself to pieces? A bad one. Thought Trixie, glad to note that self-doubt was no longer clouding her mind.

She sighed contentedly, wondering where she would go. I suppose ... I am in the Everfree, which means I could go to Ponyville. If I could prove that I really have changed there, I could really live my life anywhere. The powder blue mare thought. She was comforted by the thought but also afraid now, she still wanted a purpose in life, but not simply setting herself with some false messianic reputation. How could she contribute with just ... images. Trixie shook her head, the set off with renewed vigour, she would find a way to make something better.

****

Doctor Whooves and I reached a glen of Granny Smith Apples, following the sound of hooves striking against wood. No doubt this would be where Applejack was and as we crested the hill the theory proved correct.

Doctor Whooves turned to me. "Well, here we are, I don't see you needing my help, so I'll be on my way." He said, and trotted off in the direction we came.

I jogged down the hill to Applejack as she finished placing a few stray apples into various buckets arranged around the base of an apple tree. "Good afternoon Applejack." I said, turning to the surrounding grove I continued. "So, how can I be not useless?"

"Well not sure what y'all would be good fer, but I bet there's somethin' on the farm ya can help with." The orange pony replied.

"Sis, who're ya talkin' to." Sounded a small voice from behind the tree. A little filly, the size of Sweetie Belle rounded the tree, she was the same colour as Fluttershy, but with a vibrant red mane. She looked up at me and opened her mouth. "Golly, is that there visitor ya told me about sis'? you weren't kiddin' when ya said he was tall. Gosh, he must be as tall as Celestia. Hey Mister! Are you a god?"

" ... No." I responded quite dumbfounded by the question, though touched at the innocence of the little foal before me.

"Now sis, this here is Edmund, he's gonna be helpin' around the farm for today so you go off and find Spike and Sweetie Belle and have fun now y'hear?" Applejack told Applebloom.

Applebloom nodded and trotted off before calling out to me. "Bye Mister! Good luck buckin' apples!"

Turning to Applejack and the tree I asked. "So you just kick the tree and the apples fall right out?"

"Yup, just give 'em a good solid buck and they'll all come tumbling out." She affirmed. I turned to the tree and began sizing it up. The shoes I wore weren't steel toed, so to simply kick the tree like it was a soccer ball would invite disaster. I adjusted my position to face my back to the tree. I figured emulating Applejack would meet with the most success and so I lifted my left leg and shot it backward, planting the bottom of my foot into the trunk. The resulting impact caused me to fall forwards, onto my right knee, still tender from my altercation with Sweetie Belle. Hissing as I got up I turned to the tree to not that not a single apple and been relinquished. Applejack hummed. "A'right, so apple buckin' aint yer strong suit. Here, lemme do it." With that the orange mare spinned on her back legs and let loose a mighty double hooved buck, causing a cascade of apples to fall into the buckets below. With this I noticed that many of the apples had missed and Applejack began picking them up on at a time, by the stem, and placing them into the nearest bucket. With this an idea formed.

"Hang on, I can get the apples on the ground." I stated, I moved to the apples and began rapidly moving all the apples into the bucket, doubled over to reach the ground. It was at this point I heard a snicker from behind me and I turned to Applejack. "What?"

"Y'all look just like Spike when he's diggin' fer gems in the ground fer Rarity." Applejack replied as I continued gathering apples and placing them in a nearby bucket.

".... And done." I commented as I placed the last stray apple into the bucket.

"Wow, that was fast, guess them claws of yers are good for grabbing stuff, and not a single apple cut open too boot!" Applejack praised as she inspected my work. "It's a li'l like having Twilight or Rarity helpin' out, all them apples gettin' in the buckets lickety split!" Pleased to be of use, we continued progress swimmingly, taking a break to indulge in a lunch of, you guessed it, apples. When the sun was beginning to make its downward arc to the horizon, we had just finished pulling the apple buckets to the farm. When we notice two specks in the distance, one yellow and one orange. It was not long before the dots became Applebloom and Scootaloo.

"Howdy sis! Say where's Spike and Sweetie Belle?" Applejack inquired of the two fillies.

"Ah don't know sis, Sweetie Belle, Spike and I agreed that if we wanted to find Scootaloo we should split up and meet at the club house later, but they never came." Applebloom replied.

"What direction did they head off in?" Applejack asked, now with a concerned air.

"Intah the center o' the town."

"Whew, for a moment ah was worried, they prolly just got distracted and found somethin' else to do when they couldn't find Scootaloo."

For all this time, aforementioned orange pegasus had been looking at me, when finally she commented. "How do you keep yourself from falling over?"

Expecting the question to be regarding my anatomy, I had an answer in quick supply. "The same way Spike does, a very good sense of balance, and lots of practice moving on two legs."

"Meh, makes sense, don't see why other ponies would be afraid of you though." Replied the purple maned filly nonchalantly.

"Wait, who thinks I'm scary?" I asked.

"Dinky Whooves, Derpy Whooves' sister, then again, that girl is afraid of anything bigger than her, which happens to be everything."

"Well, if I meet her I'll have to make sure to convince her I'm not a threat." I stated, and moved on to other matters. "I should be going back into town, you can give me my pay for today's work tomorrow Applejack."

"Sure thing sugarcube." Applejack responded, waving a hoof as I made my way back to Ponyville.